Seeking Marriage
Seeking Marriage
§. 1. Of thoſe who may ſeeke to be maried.
§. 1. Of those who may seek to be married.
HAuing in the former treatiſe laid downe the foundation of all domeſticall duties, by expounding the words of the Apoſtle, I purpoſe now diſtinctly to lay them forth in order: beginning with the firſt and chiefeſt couple in the family, Man and Wife.
Having in the former treatise laid down the foundation of all domestical duties, by expounding the words of the Apostle, I purpose now distinctly to lay them forth in order: beginning with the first and chiefest couple in the family, man and wife.
Here we are firſt to ſpeake of the perſons who are to be accounted true and lawfull husband and wife: and then of the duties which they owe each to other.
Here we are first to speak of the persons who are to be accounted true and lawful husband and wife: and then of the duties which they owe each to other.
So as this Treatiſe conſiſteth of two parts.
- 1. The firſt declareth, who are man and wife.
- 2. The ſecond noteth out thoſe common mutuall duties which they owe one to another. Firſt of the firſt.
So as this Treatise consisteth of two parts.
- The first declareth, who are man and wife.
- The second noteth out those common mutual duties which they owe one to another. First of the first.
For the better cleering of this point, we will conſider both the parties that may be ſo nearely ioyned together, and alſo the manner how they are rightly ioyned in ſo firme an vnity.
For the better clearing of this point, we will consider both the parties that may be so nearly joined together, and also the manner how they are rightly joined in so firm an unity.
About the parties we are to ſearch,
- 1. Who may ſeeke a mate for mariage.
- 2. What kinde of mate is to be taken.
About the parties we are to search,
- Who may seek a mate for marriage.
- What kind of mate is to be taken.
p. 180 Out of this propoſition ariſe three queſtions to be diſcuſſed.
- 1. Who are to be accounted able?
- 2. What danger is ineuitable?
- 3. Whether mariage be free for all but ſuch?
Out of this proposition arise three questions to be discussed.
- Who are to be accounted able?
- What danger is inevitable?
- Whether marriage be free for all but such?
§. 2. Of ripeneſſe of yeares in them that are to be maried.
§. 2. Of ripeness of years in them that are to be married.
1. Ripeneſſe of yeares is abſolutely neceſſary for conſummating a iuſt and lawfull mariage: wherefore as God at firſt, made Adam of full age, ſo when he ſought out a wife for him, he made her of full age too: he made her a woman, not a childe.5 Where the Apoſtle aduiſeth parents to take care for the mariage of their children, he putteth in this prouiſo, if they paſſe the floure of their age. Child-hood is counted the floure of age. While the floure of the plant ſprouteth, the ſeed is greene, vnfit to be ſowen.
- 5. Gen. 2. 22. 1 Cor. 7. 36.
1. Ripeness of years is absolutely necessary for consummating a just and lawful marriage: wherefore as God at first, made Adam of full age, so when he sought out a wife for him, he made her of full age too: he made her a woman, not a child.5 Where the Apostle adviseth parents to take care for the marriage of their children, he putteth in this proviso, if they pass the flour of their age. Child-hood is counted the flour of age. While the flour of the plant sprouteth, the seed is green, unfit to be sown.
- 5. Gen‸ 2:‸22. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸36.
Queſt. How long laſteth the floure of age?
Quest. How long lasteth the flour of age?
Anſw.6 The ciuill law, and common law alſo, ſet downe twelue yeares for the floure of a females age, and foureteene, of a males; which is the leaſt: for before thoſe yeares they can haue no need of mariage, nor yet are well fit for mariage, ſo as if they forbeare ſome yeares longer, it will be much better for the parties themſelues that marie,7 for the children which they bring forth, for the family whereof they are the head, and for the common wealth whereof they are members. Note the ages of the Kings of Iſrael and Iudah when they were firſt maried, and we ſhall finde few of them to be vnder twenty, and thoſe few, not aboue one or two yeares vnder: and yet of all ſorts of people the Kings did vſe to marie the ſooneſt, that ſo they might haue heires betimes.
- 6. Iuſtin. Inſtit. l. 1. tit. 22. Second part of Reports of Caſes. 35. Hen. 6. fol. 41. b.
- 7. Eſt invenum coniugium incommodum liberorum procreationi. Cum enim in omnibus animantibus imperfecti ſunt iuniorum partus, ac multo etiam magis foeminarum, id etiam fiat in hominibus neceſſe eſt. Ariſt. Pol. lib. 7.
Answ.6 The civil law, and common law also, set down twelve years for the flour of a females age, and fourteen, of a males; which is the least: for before those years they can have no need of marriage, nor yet are well fit for marriage, so as if they forbear some years longer, it will be much better for the parties themselves that marry,7 for the children which they bring forth, for the family whereof they are the head, and for the common wealth whereof they are members. Note the ages of the Kings of Israel and Judah when they were first married, and we shall find few of them to be under twenty, and those few, not above one or two years under: and yet of all sorts of people the Kings did use to marry the soonest, that so they might have heirs betimes.
- 6. Justin. Instit. l. 1. tit. 22. Second part of Reports of Cases. 35. Hen. 6. fol. 41. b.
- 7. Est iuvenum coniugium incommodum liberorum procreationi. Cum enim in omnibus animantibus imperfecti sunt iuniorum partus, ac multo etiam magis foeminarum, id etiam fiat in hominibus necesse est. Arist. Pol. lib. 7.
Anſw. He was ſaid to be a childe not ſimply, but comparatiuely,10 in relation to his other brothers which were elder then he, &11 in regard of that great worke he was to vndertake. In the time of his reign he is ſaidto be12 old: which could not be p. 181 if he had beene in yeares a childe when he began to reigne: for he reigned but fortie yeares.
Answ. He was said to be a child not simply, but comparatively,10 in relation to his other brothers which were elder then he, &11 in regard of that great work he was to undertake. In the time of his reign he is said to be old:12 which could not be if he had been in years a child when he began to reign: for he reigned but forty years.
2. Anſw. The beginning of that reigne when Ahaz was but twentie yeare old, is to be referred to Iotham his father; for Ahaz was twentie yeare old when he (namely Iotham) began to reigne: as15 Iehoiachin was eight yeare old, when he (namely his father Iehoiachim) began to reigne: for Iehoiachin was16 eighteene, when he himſelfe began to reigne.
2. Answ. The beginning of that reign when Ahaz was but twenty year old, is to be referred to Jotham his father; for Ahaz was twenty year old when he (namely Jotham) began to reign: as Jehoiachin15 was eight year old, when he (namely his father Jehoiachim) began to reign: for Jehoiachin was16 eighteen, when he himself began to reign.
Anſw. Iotham was fiue and twentie yeare old when his father Vzziah was ſtrucke with leproſie, from which time he18 reigned as King euen in his fathers life time. But after his father was dead, the kingdome was eſtabliſhed to him alone19 after a more ſolemne manner; in which reſpect it is ſaid that then he began to reigne: and then was his ſonne Ahaz twentie yeare old, Iotham himſelfe being about fortie.
Answ. Jotham was five and twenty year old when his father Uzziah was struck with leprosy,18 from which time he reigned as King even in his fathers life time. But after his father was dead, the kingdom was established to him alone19 after a more solemn manner; in which respect it is said that then he began to reign: and then was his son Ahaz twenty year old, Jotham himself being about forty.
Contrarie to the forenamed fitneſſe of age is the practiſe of20 ſuch parents, or other friends of children, as make matches for them in their child-hood, and moue them to conſent, and ſo cauſe them to be maried: ſuch mariages are mock-mariages, and meere nullities. For children cannot know what appertaineth to mariage, much leſſe can they performe that which is required of maried perſons: their conſent therefore is iuſtly accounted no conſent, vnleſſe they doe ratifie it after they come to yeares.
- 20. Puella dum ei aetas matura non eſt, nulli dari vel promitti debet. Aug. epiſt. 233. Matrimonium contractum verum non eſt ſi impubes fuerit qui contraxit. Azpilcuet. Conſil. & reſp. l. 4. de ſponſ. Conſ. 8.
Contrary to the forenamed fitness of age is the practise of20 such parents, or other friends of children, as make matches for them in their child-hood, and move them to consent, and so cause them to be married: such marriages are mock-marriages, and mere nullities. For children cannot know what appertaineth to marriage, much less can they perform that which is required of married persons: their consent therefore is justly accounted no consent, unless they do ratify it after they come to years.
- 20. Puella dum ei aetas matura non est, nulli dari vel promitti debet. Aug. epist. 233. Matrimonium contractum verum non est si impubes fuerit qui contraxit. Azpilcuet. Consil. & resp. l. 4. de spons. Cons. 8.
§. 3. Of impotent perſons that ought not to ſeeke after mariage.
§. 3. Of impotent persons that ought not to seek after marriage.
2. They are to be accounted impotent, and in that reſpect p. 182 vnable to performe the eſſentiall duties of mariage, who (to vſe the Scripture phraſe) were borne Eunuchs from their mothers21 wombe: or by any accidentall occaſion are ſo made: as they who are defectiue, or cloſed in their ſecret parts: or taken with an incurable palſie: or poſſeſſed with frigidity, or any other ſuch like impediment.
- 21. Mat. 19. 12.
2. They are to be accounted impotent, and in that respect unable to perform the essential duties of marriage, who (to use the Scripture phrase) were born Eunuchs from their mothers21 womb: or by any accidental occasion are so made: as they who are defective, or closed in their secret parts: or taken with an incurable palsy: or possessed with frigidity, or any other such like impediment.
- 21. Matt 19:‸12.
Theſe ought not to ſeeke after mariage: for by thoſe ſignes of impotencie God ſheweth that he calleth them to liue ſingle.
These ought not to seek after marriage: for by those signs of impotency God showeth that he calleth them to live single.
Contrarie to this manifeſtation of Gods will doe they ſinne,22 who conceale their impotencie and ioyne themſelues in marriage, whereby they fruſtrate one maine end of mariage, which is procreation of children; and doe that wrong to the partie whom they marie, as ſufficient ſatisfaction can neuer be made.
- 22. A ſinne to conceale any impotencie.
Contrary to this manifestation of God’s will do they sin,22 who conceal their impotency and join themselves in marriage, whereby they frustrate one main end of marriage, which is procreation of children; and do that wrong to the party whom they marry, as sufficient satisfaction can never be made.
- 22. A sin to conceal any impotency.
§. 4. Of barrenneſſe, that it hindereth not mariage.
§. 4. Of barrenness, that it hindereth not marriage.
Queſt. Are ſuch as are barren to be ranked among thoſe impotent perſons?
Quest. Are such as are barren to be ranked among those impotent persons?
Anſw. No, there is great difference betwixt impotencie and barrenneſſe.
Answ. No, there is great difference betwixt impotency and barrenness.
2. Impotent perſons cannot yeeld due beneuolence: but ſuch as are barren may.
2. Impotent persons cannot yield due benevolence: but such as are barren may.
3. Impotencie is incurable: but barrenneſſe is not ſimply ſo. Many after they haue beene a long while barren haue become fruitfull: and that not only by an extraordinary worke of God aboue the courſe of nature (as24 Sarah and25 Elizabeth, with whom by reaſon of age it ceaſed to be after the manner of women) but alſo by ſuch a bleſſing as might ſtand with the courſe of nature, being obtained by praier (as26 Rebeckah and27 Annah) whereof daily experience giueth good euidence: for many after 10, 15, 20, and more yeares barrenneſſe haue brought forth children.
3. Impotency is incurable: but barrenness is not simply so. Many after they have been a long while barren have become fruitful: and that not only by an extraordinary work of God above the course of nature (as Sarah24 and Elizabeth,25 with whom by reason of age it ceased to be after the manner of women) but also by such a blessing as might stand with the course of nature, being obtained by prayer (as Rebekah26 and Hannah)27 whereof daily experience giveth good evidence: for many after 10, 15, 20, and more years barrenness have brought forth children.
On theſe grounds many Saints, who haue beene barren, haue maried, and their practiſe therein not diſallowed, nor their mariage diſſolued.28 For though procreation of children p. 183 be one end of mariage, yet is it not the only end: and ſo inuiolable is the mariage bond, that though it be made for childrens ſake, yet for want of children it may not be broken.
- 28. Tantum valet ſociale vinculū coniugum, vt cùm cauſa procreandi colligitur, nec ipſa cauſa procreandi ſoluetur. Aug. de bon. Coniug. cap. 7.
On these grounds many Saints, who have been barren, have married, and their practise therein not disallowed, nor their marriage dissolved.28 For though procreation of children be one end of marriage, yet is it not the only end: and so inviolable is the marriage bond, that though it be made for children’s sake, yet for want of children it may not be broken.
- 28. Tantum valet sociale vinculum coniugum, vt cùm causa procreandi colligitur, nec ipsa causa procreandi soluetur. Aug. de bon. Coniug. cap. 7.
§. 5. Of that ineuitable danger which hindereth mariage.
§. 5. Of that inevitable danger which hindereth marriage.
3. They who are infected with ſuch contagious diſeaſes, as diffuſe themſelues into thoſe who haue ſocietie with them, and infect them alſo, ought not to ſeeke after mariage: for that cannot but turne to the danger of the partie with whom they marie. It was for mutuall good one of another29 that God ordained the law of mariage; to vſe it to the hurt and danger of one another, is againſt the maine end of the firſt inſtitution.
- 29. Gen. 2. 18.
3. They who are infected with such contagious diseases, as diffuse themselves into those who have society with them, and infect them also, ought not to seek after marriage: for that cannot but turn to the danger of the party with whom they marry. It was for mutual good one of another29 that God ordained the law of marriage; to use it to the hurt and danger of one another, is against the main end of the first institution.
- 29. Gen‸ 2:‸18.
By contagious diſeaſes not only both the parties which company together will be infected, but alſo their iſſue: whereby their diſeaſe which otherwiſe might die with themſelues, is propagated to their poſterity. A like reſtraint may be applied to ſuch foule and loathſome diſeaſes, as make the company and ſociety of that perſon, who is infected therewith, irkcſome, and odious to their companion.
By contagious diseases not only both the parties which company together will be infected, but also their issue: whereby their disease which otherwise might die with themselves, is propagated to their posterity. A like restraint may be applied to such foul and loathsome diseases, as make the company and society of that person, who is infected therewith, irksome, and odious to their companion.
§. 6. Of the lawfulneſſe of mariage to all ſorts of perſons.
§. 6. Of the lawfulness of marriage to all sorts of persons.
Where there is no ſuch iuſt impediment as hath beene before mentioned, it is lawfull for all ſorts of people of what32 calling or condition ſoeuer to marrie. For Mariage is honourable33 in all, or among all, namely in, or among all ſorts of people: whereupon it is accounted a Doctrine of deuils to forbid34 to marrie. For it is a Doctrine contrarie to Gods word, and a Doctrine that cauſeth much inward burning, and outward pollution, and ſo maketh their bodies, which ſhould be temples of the holy Ghoſt, to be ſties of the deuils.
Where there is no such just impediment as hath been before mentioned, it is lawful for all sorts of people of what32 calling or condition soever to marry. For marriage is honourable33 in all, or among all, namely in, or among all sorts of people: whereupon it is accounted a Doctrine of devils to forbid34 to marry. For it is a Doctrine contrary to God’s word, and a Doctrine that causeth much inward burning, and outward pollution, and so maketh their bodies, which should be temples of the Holy Ghost, to be sties of the devils.
The diſeaſe, for the redreſſing whereof mariage is ſanctified, p. 184 is a common diſeaſe which hath infected all ſorts of people: why then ſhall not the remedy be as common?
The disease, for the redressing whereof marriage is sanctified, is a common disease which hath infected all sorts of people: why then shall not the remedy be as common?
Anſw. That is ſpoken of ſome particular perſons to whom the gift of continency was giuen: not of any diſtinct conditions, and callings, as if all and euerie one of this or that calling had ſo done or were able ſo to doe: whereupon Chriſt addeth this clauſe, He that is able to receiue it, let him receiue it, and the Apoſtle to the ſame purpoſe ſaith,38 euery one hath his proper gift of God.
- 38. 1 Cor. 7. 7. [moved in the edition]
Answ. That is spoken of some particular persons to whom the gift of continency was given: not of any distinct conditions, and callings, as if all and every one of this or that calling had so done or were able so to do: whereupon Christ addeth this clause, He that is able to receive it, let him receive it, and the Apostle to the same purpose saith, every one hath his proper gift of God.38
- 38. 1 Cor 7:‸7. ‸ [moved here by the editor]
Contrarie to this neceſſarie and warrantable libertie, is the impure and tyrannicall reſtraint of the Church of Rome, whereby all that enter into any of their holy orders, are kept from mariage.
Contrary to this necessary and warrantable liberty, is the impure and tyrannical restraint of the Church of Rome, whereby all that enter into any of their holy orders, are kept from marriage.
Doe they not herein39 tempt God by putting a yoke vpon mens necks, which neither our fathers nor we are able to beare?40 No ſuch reſtraint was euer enioyned by Gods word to any of thoſe holy functions which he ordained: for vnder the Law it was lawfull for high Prieſts, ordinarie Prieſts, all ſorts of Leuites, and extraordinarie Prophets, to marie: and vnder the Goſpell, for41 Apoſtles, Biſhops, Deacons, and all Miniſters of the word.42 Fearefull haue beene the effects of this Diabolicall doctrine: as fornication, adulterie, inceſt, Sodomie, buggerie, and what not? Many wiues put from their husbands, becauſe their husbands were Miniſters, and many Miniſters put from their calling becauſe they had wiues: many children by this meanes baſely borne, and among them many in their infancie cruelly murthered.43 Six thouſand heads of infants were found in the ponds of a religious houſe. How many more thouſands haue beene from time to time caſt into other ponds, or buried in gardens, or other places, or other wayes conueyed p. 185 out of ſight? Deuilliſh muſt that doctrine needs be, which hath ſuch deuilliſh effects.44 Well did he wiſh, that wiſhed that all they who cannot containe, would take heed how they doe raſhly profeſſe perfection, and vow virginitie.
- 39. Act. 15. 10. [moved in the edition]
- 40. Uide Chryſoſt. hom. 4. in Iſay 6.
- 41. Omnes Apoſtoli exceptis Iohanne & Paulo vxores habuerunt. Ambr. in 2 Cor. 11.
- 42. Tolle de Eccleſia honorabile connubium, nonne reples eam concubinarijs inceſluoſis, ſeminifluis mollibus, maſculorum concubitoribus, & omni denique genere immundorum? Bernard. in Cant. Serm. 66. vide Bernard. de Conuerſ. ad Cler. cap. 29.
- 43. Huldricus, ſeu vt alij, Voluſianus in Epiſt. ad Nichol. Pap.
- 44. Vtinam qui continere non valent perfectionem temerariè profiteri, aut coelebatui dare nomina vererentur. Sumptuoſa ſiquidem turris eſt, & verbum grande, quod non omnes capere poſſunt. Bernard. de Conuerſ. ad Cler. ſerm. 29.
Do they not herein tempt God by putting a yoke upon men’s necks, which neither our fathers nor we are able to bear?3940 No such restraint was ever enjoined by God’s word to any of those holy functions which he ordained: for under the Law it was lawful for high Priests, ordinary Priests, all sorts of Levites, and extraordinary Prophets, to marry: and under the Gospel, for41 Apostles, Bishops, Deacons, and all Ministers of the word.42 Fearful have been the effects of this Diabolical doctrine: as fornication, adultery, incest, Sodomy, buggery, and what not? Many wives put from their husbands, because their husbands were Ministers, and many Ministers put from their calling because they had wives: many children by this means basely born, and among them many in their infancy cruelly murdered.43 Six thousand heads of infants were found in the ponds of a religious house. How many more thousands have been from time to time cast into other ponds, or buried in gardens, or other places, or other ways conveyed out of sight? Devilish must that doctrine needs be, which hath such devilish effects.44 Well did he wish, that wished that all they who cannot contain, would take heed how they do rashly profess perfection, and vow virginity.
- 39. Acts 15:‸10. [moved here by the editor]
- 40. Vide Chrysost. hom. 4. in Isay 6.
- 41. Omnes Apostoli exceptis Iohanne & Paulo vxores habuerunt. Ambr. in 2 Cor‸ 11.
- 42. Tolle de Ecclesia honorabile connubium, nonne reples eam concubinarijs incestuosis, seminifluis mollibus, masculorum concubitoribus, & omni denique genere immundorum? Bernard. in Cant. Serm. 66. vide Bernard. de Conuers. ad Cler. cap. 29.
- 43. Huldricus, seu vt alij, Volusianus in Epist. ad Nichol. Pap.
- 44. Vtinam qui continere non valent perfectionem temerariè profiteri, aut coelebatui dare nomina vererentur. Sumptuosa siquidem turris est, & verbum grande, quod non omnes capere possunt. Bernard. de Conuers. ad Cler. serm. 29.
§. 7. Of the things which are abſolutely neceſſarie to make a perſon fit for mariage.
§. 7. Of the things which are absolutely necessary to make a person fit for marriage.
They who haue power to marie muſt be carefull in chuſing an helpe meet for them: for45 this was Gods care when firſt he inſtituted mariage. To make an helpe meet for mariage, ſome things are abſolutely neceſſary for the very eſſence or being of mariage; others, neceſſarie for the comfort and happineſſe of mariage.
- 45. Gen. 2. 18. Neceſſarie for the eſſence of mariage.
They who have power to marry must be careful in choosing an help meet for them: for45 this was God’s care when first he instituted marriage. To make an help meet for marriage, some things are absolutely necessary for the very essence or being of marriage; others, necessary for the comfort and happiness of marriage.
- 45. Gen‸ 2:‸18. Necessary for the essence of marriage.
In regard of the former ſort, there muſt be choſen,
In regard of the former sort, there must be chosen,
Contrarie to this is the deteſtable ſinne of buggerie with beaſts, expreſly forbidden by the48 law. A ſinne more then beaſtly: for the bruit beaſts content themſelues with their owne kinde: Monſtrous it is in the kinde thereof: and a cauſe of abominable monſters.49 Contrary alſo is that copulation which witches haue with deuils: then which none more vnnaturall, none more prodigious and odious.
Contrary to this is the detestable sin of buggery with beasts, expressly forbidden by the48 law. A sin more then beastly: for the bruit beasts content themselves with their own kind: Monstrous it is in the kind thereof: and a cause of abominable monsters.49 Contrary also is that copulation which witches have with devils: then which none more unnatural, none more prodigious and odious.
2. One of the contrarie ſex: the male muſt chooſe a female: the female a male. Thus God hauing made Adam a male,50 made Eue a female, and ioyned them in mariage. A coniunction of theſe different ſexes is only fit for increaſe of mankinde, and other mariage duties.
- 50. 2. Perſons of diuers ſexes. Maritalis copula requirit ſexuum aptitudinem. Bern. in Cant. ſerm. 66. Vnnaturall commixtions. Rom. 1. 25, 26.
2. One of the contrary sex: the male must choose a female: the female a male. Thus God having made Adam a male,50 made Eve a female, and joined them in marriage. A conjunction of these different sexes is only fit for increase of mankind, and other marriage duties.
- 50. 2. Persons of divers sexes. Maritalis copula requirit sexuum aptitudinem. Bern. in Cant. serm. 66. Unnatural commixtions. Rom‸ 1:‸25, 26.
Contrarie are thoſe vnnaturall commixtions of parties of the ſame ſex: which the Apoſtlereckoneth vp as iudgements inflicted on the heathen, becauſe they changed the truth of God into a lie, and worſhipped, and ſerued the creature more then the Creator.
Contrary are those unnatural commixtions of parties of the same sex: which the Apostle reckoneth up as judgments inflicted on the heathen, because they changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped, and served the creature more then the Creator.
3. One beyond thoſe degrees of conſanguinitie and affinitie which51 are forbidden by the law of God: theſe degrees are expreſſed by Moſes Leuit. 18. 6, 7, &c. and explained in a table of the degrees p. 186 of conſanguinitie and affinitie within which none may mary, appointed to be hung vp in euery Church.
- 51. Perſons without the degrees of conſanguinity.
3. One beyond those degrees of consanguinity and affinity which51 are forbidden by the law of God: these degrees are expressed by Moses Lev 18:‸6, 7, etc‸. And explained in a table of the degrees of consanguinity and affinity within which none may marry, appointed to be hung up in every Church.
- 51. Persons without the degrees of consanguinity.
Contrary is inceſt, a ſinne not only forbidden by Gods52 word, but ſo horrible euen to the heathen as (to vſe the Apoſtles words, 1 Cor. 5. 1.) it is not ſo much as named among the Gentiles. Excellently is that cenſure verified by the heathen Orators patheticall exclamation againſt one Saſſia who maried her ſonne in law, in theſe words: O incredible wickedneſſe of a woman, not heard of in any age but this! O vnbridled and vntamed luſt! O ſingular boldneſſe! Not to feare the power of God, and fame of men! &c. Luſt, impudencie, madneſſe, ouercame ſhame, feare, and reaſon.
- 52. Inceſt. O mulieris ſcelus incredibile, & praeter hanc vnam in omni vita inauditū. O libidinem effrenatam & indomitam! O audaciam, ſingularem! Non timuiſſe vim deorum, hominumque famam? Vicit pudorem libido, timorem audacia, rationem amentia. Cic. pro. A. Cluent.
Contrary is incest, a sin not only forbidden by God’s52 word, but so horrible even to the heathen as (to use the Apostles words, 1 Cor‸ 5:‸1‸) it is not so much as named among the Gentiles. Excellently is that censure verified by the heathen Orators pathetical exclamation against one Sassia who married her son in law, in these words: O incredible wickedness of a woman, not heard of in any age but this! O unbridled and untamed lust! O singular boldness! Not to fear the power of God, and fame of men! etc‸. Lust, impudency, madness, overcame shame, fear, and reason.
- 52. Incest. O mulieris scelus incredibile, & praeter hanc vnam in omni vita inauditum. O libidinem effrenatam & indomitam! O audaciam, singularem! Non timuisse vim deorum, hominumque famam? Vicit pudorem libido, timorem audacia, rationem amentia. Cic. pro. A. Cluent.
4. One that is free: nor maried, nor betrothed to another: the law of mariage noteth thus much in this clauſe,54 They two ſhall be one fleſh. And in that55 the law inflicteth the ſame puniſhment56 vpon the perſon which being betrothed committeth vncleanneſſe, that it doth vpon a maried perſon, it is euident that it is vnlawfull to marie one betrothed to another, as well as one maried to another. So firme is a contract, as the law calleth a betrothed maid, a wife: and a betrothed maid might not be put away without a bill of diuorce.
4. One that is free:54 nor married, nor betrothed to another: the law of marriage noteth thus much in this clause, They two shall be one flesh.55 And in that56 the law inflicteth the same punishment upon the person which being betrothed committeth uncleanness, that it doth upon a married person, it is evident that it is unlawful to marry one betrothed to another, as well as one married to another. So firm is a contract, as the law calleth a betrothed maid, a wife: and a betrothed maid might not be put away without a bill of divorce.
§. 8. Of the lawfulneſſe of other mariages after one of the maried couple is dead.
§. 8. Of the lawfulness of other marriages after one of the married couple is dead.
1. Queſt. Are they who haue buried their husband or wife ſo free, as they may marie againe?
1. Quest. Are they who have buried their husband or wife so free, as they may marry again?
Anſw. Yea, as free as they who were neuer before maried. The law doth not only permit a widow to marie againe: but58 if her husband died before he had any children, it commanded the next kinſman that was liuing and free to marie her, that he might raiſe vp ſeed to his brother deceaſed: which if p. 187 he refuſed to doe, a penalty of ignominy was inflicted on him: the widow reiected was to looſe his ſhooe from his foot,59 and to ſpit in his face in the preſence of the Elders. The Apoſtle expreſly ſaith that a woman, when her husband is dead, is at liberty to be maried (1. Cor. 7. 39.) yea ſpeaking of young widowes he further ſaith, I will that they marie (1. Tim. 5. 14.) This libertie which the Prophet of God, and Apoſtle of Chriſt grant to a wife, can by no ſhew of reaſon be denied to an huſband: for the bond of mariage giueth them a like power ouer one anothers body, (1 Cor. 7. 4.) and knitteth one as inuiolably as the other, (Mat. 19. 6.) Husbands therefore as well as wiues haue vſed this libertie, as Abraham (Gen. 25. 1.)60 The Apoſtle that giueth this libertie, rendreth a reaſon thereof, taken from the limitation of that time wherein maried perſons haue power one ouer another, and that is the time of this life only: For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband, ſo long as he liueth: but if the husband be dead ſhe is looſed, &c. On this ground all the61 reaſons which warrant or moue ſuch as neuer were maried, to mary, may be applied to them that by death haue their yoake-fellow taken from them.
- 58. Deut. 25. 5, 9. [moved in the edition]
- 59. Non concederet hoc Paulus niſi liceret. At parum dico concedit: vult quoꝗ. Volo, inquit, adoleſcentiores nubere: nec dubium quin viduas dicat. Bern. ſerm. 66. in Cant.
- 60. Rom. 7. 2.
- 61. §. 24. Quid largam benedictionem nuptiarum reſtringis? Bern. loc. citat. Dominus tot maritorum mulierem nulla ſuae ſententiae ſignificatione damnauit. Aug. de bon. Vid. c. 12.
Answ. Yea, as free as they who were never before married. The law doth not only permit a widow to marry again:58 but if her husband died before he had any children, it commanded the next kinsman that was living and free to marry her, that he might raise up seed to his brother deceased: which if he refused to do, a penalty of ignominy was inflicted on him: the widow rejected was to loose his shoe from his foot,59 and to spit in his face in the presence of the Elders. The Apostle expressly saith that a woman, when her husband is dead, is at liberty to be married (1‸ Cor‸ 7:‸39‸) yea speaking of young widows he further saith, I will that they marry (1‸ Tim‸ 5:‸14‸) This liberty which the Prophet of God, and Apostle of Christ grant to a wife, can by no show of reason be denied to an husband: for the bond of marriage giveth them a like power over one anothers body, (1 Cor‸ 7:‸4‸) and knitteth one as inviolably as the other, (Matt 19:‸6‸) husbands therefore as well as wives have used this liberty, as Abraham (Gen‸ 25:‸1‸)60 The Apostle that giveth this liberty, rendereth a reason thereof, taken from the limitation of that time wherein married persons have power one over another, and that is the time of this life only: For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband, so long as he liveth: but if the husband be dead she is loosed, etc‸. On this ground all the61 reasons which warrant or move such as never were married, to marry, may be applied to them that by death have their yoke-fellow taken from them.
- 58. Deut‸ 25:‸5, 9. [moved here by the editor]
- 59. Non concederet hoc Paulus nisi liceret. At parum dico concedit: vult quoque. Volo, inquit, adolescentiores nubere: nec dubium quin viduas dicat. Bern. serm. 66. in Cant.
- 60. Rom‸ 7:‸2.
- 61. §. 24. Quid largam benedictionem nuptiarum restringis? Bern. loc. citat. Dominus tot maritorum mulierem nulla suae sententiae significatione damnauit. Aug. de bon. Vid. c. 12.
2. Queſt. May this libertie be extended any further then to a ſecond mariage?
2. Quest. May this liberty be extended any further then to a second marriage?
Anſw. We finde no reſtraint from a third, or fourth, or more mariages, if by the diuine prouidence ſo many wiues, or huſbands one after another be taken away while there is need for the ſuruiuing partie to vſe the benefit of mariage. The woman of Samaria that had fiue husbands one after another, is not blamed for being maried to ſo many, but for liuing with one (after the other were dead) that was not her husband, (Ioh. 4. 18 Neither did the Lord condemne that woman which was ſaid to haue ſeuen husbands one after another, (Mat. 22. 25, &c.)
Answ. We find no restraint from a third, or fourth, or more marriages, if by the divine providence so many wives, or husbands one after another be taken away while there is need for the surviving party to use the benefit of marriage. The woman of Samaria that had five husbands one after another, is not blamed for being married to so many, but for living with one (after the other were dead) that was not her husband, (John 4:‸18) Neither did the Lord condemn that woman which was said to have seven husbands one after another, (Matt 22:‸25, etc‸.)
Contrarie is the opinion of62 Montaniſts, and Cataphryges, ancient heretiques that accounted thoſe mariages which the ſuruiuor made after the death of a yoke-fellow, to be adulterous: with which hereſie63 Tertullian an ancient and learned father was ſo farre infected, as he wrote a treatiſe in defence thereof. It ſeemeth by their arguments that one maine ground p. 188 of their error was a miſinterpretation of thoſe Scriptures which forbid men to haue two wiues at once, and women to haue two husbands at once, as, Two ſhall be one fleſh, Gen. 2. 24. A Biſhop and a Deacon muſt be the husband of one wife, 1 Tim. 2. 2, 10. Let a widow be taken that hath beene the wife of one husband, 1 Tim. 5. 9. Theſe are indeed expreſſe texts againſt ſuch Digamiſts, and Polygamiſts as haue beene deſcribed64 before: but they make no more againſt ſecond or other after-mariages one mate being dead, then againſt firſt mariages. Into the roll of theſe heretiques may they be put, who denie ſuch after mariages to any kinde of Miniſters. So doe our aduerſaries: they65 exclude ſuch as are maried againe after one wife is dead from ſuch functions of inferiour orders, as they admit thoſe who are but once maried vnto. They alleage many of thoſe Scriptures which Montaniſts doe (as 1 Tim. 2. 2, 10. and 5. 9) which ſheweth that they are infected with the ſame hereſie, though they pretend to renounce it.
- 62. Secundas nuptias pro fornicationibus habent. Aug. de haer. §. 26.
- 63. Tertullianus factus eſt haereticus quia tranſiens ad Cataphryges cepit ſecundas ruptias tanquam ſtupra damnare. Ibid. §. 86. [moved in the edition]
- 64. Treat. 1 §. 83
- 65. Miniſterijs minorum ordinum exercendis ſuffici poſſunt coniugati, dummodo non bigami. Concil. Trid. §. 23. c. 17. Vide Bellarm. de Cler. l. 1. c. 23.
Contrary is the opinion of62 Montanists, and Cataphryges, ancient heretics that accounted those marriages which the survivor made after the death of a yoke-fellow, to be adulterous: with which heresy Tertullian63 an ancient and learned father was so far infected, as he wrote a treatise in defence thereof. It seemeth by their arguments that one main ground of their error was a misinterpretation of those Scriptures which forbid men to have two wives at once, and women to have two husbands at once, as, Two shall be one flesh, Gen‸ 2:‸24. A Bishop and a Deacon must be the husband of one wife, 1 Tim 3:‸2, 12. Let a widow be taken that hath been the wife of one husband, 1 Tim‸ 5:‸9. These are indeed express texts against such Digamists, and Polygamists as have been described64 before: but they make no more against second or other after-marriages one mate being dead, then against first marriages. Into the roll of these heretics may they be put, who deny such after marriages to any kind of Ministers. So do our adversaries: they65 exclude such as are married again after one wife is dead from such functions of inferior orders, as they admit those who are but once married unto. They allege many of those Scriptures which Montanists do (as 1 Tim‸ ‸3:‸2, 12. And 5. 9) which showeth that they are infected with the same heresy, though they pretend to renounce it.
- 62. Secundas nuptias pro fornicationibus habent. Aug. de haer. §. 26.
- 63. Tertullianus factus est haereticus quia transiens ad Cataphryges cepit secundas nuptias tanquam stupra damnare. Ibid. §. 86. [moved here by the editor]
- 64. Treat. 1. §. 83.
- 65. Ministerijs minorum ordinum exercendis suffici possunt coniugati, dummodo non bigami. Concil. Trid. §. 23. c. 17. Vide Bellarm. de Cler. l. 1. c. 23.
§. 9. Of equalitie in yeeres betwixt husband and wife.
§. 9. Of equality in years betwixt husband and wife.
1. For Age, as the partie that ſeeketh a mate muſt be of ripe yeeres, fit to giue conſent, and able to performe mariage duties, ſo the mate which is taken muſt be ſomewhat anſwerable67 in age: if one young, both young: if one of middle age, both ſo: if one growne to yeeres, the other alſo. It is noted of Zacharie and Elizabeth, that both were well ſtriken in yeeres. If both were old together, then both alſo were young together. Equalitie in yeeres maketh maried perſons more fit for procreation of children, for a mutuall performance of mariage duties each to other, and for making their companie and ſocietie euery way more happie.
- 67. ἧλιξ ἥλικα. Ariſt. Eth. l. 8. c. 12. Luk. 1. 7.
1. For Age, as the party that seeketh a mate must be of ripe years, fit to give consent, and able to perform marriage duties, so the mate which is taken must be somewhat answerable67 in age: if one young, both young: if one of middle age, both so: if one grown to years, the other also. It is noted of Zachary and Elizabeth, that both were well stricken in years. If both were old together, then both also were young together. Equality in years maketh married persons more fit for procreation of children, for a mutual performance of marriage duties each to other, and for making their company and society every way more happy.
- 67. ἧλιξ ἥλικα. Arist. Eth. l. 8. c. 12. Luke 1:‸7.
This equalitie is not ouer ſtrictly to be taken, as if the maried couple were to be iuſt of the ſame age, but only for ſome anſwerableneſſe in yeeres: which may be though there be a diſparitie68 of fiue or ten, or ſomewhat more yeeres: eſpecially if the exceſſe of yeeres be on the husbands part: for beſides that according to the ordinarie courſe of nature a mans ſtrength p. 189 and vigour laſteth longer then a womans, it is very meet that the husband ſhould be ſome what elder then his wife, becauſe he is an head, a gouernour, a protector of his wife. The Scripture noteth many husbands to be elder then their wiues (as Abraham was tenne yeeres elder then Sarah; and if we69 narrowly marke the circumſtances of the hiſtories of Iſaac and Iacob, and their wiues, we ſhall finde that the husbands were elder then their wiues) To my remembrance an approued example of an husband younger then his wife cannot be giuen out of Scripture.
This equality is not over strictly to be taken, as if the married couple were to be just of the same age, but only for some answerableness in years: which may be though there be a disparity68 of five or ten, or somewhat more years: especially if the excess of years be on the husbands part: for besides that according to the ordinary course of nature a man’s strength and vigour lasteth longer then a woman’s, it is very meet that the husband should be somewhat elder then his wife, because he is an head, a governor, a protector of his wife. The Scripture noteth many husbands to be elder then their wives (as Abraham was ten years elder then Sarah;69 and if we narrowly mark the circumstances of the histories of Isaac and Jacob, and their wives, we shall find that the husbands were elder then their wives.) To my remembrance an approved example of an husband younger then his wife cannot be given out of Scripture.
Contrary to this equalitie in yeeres, is the practiſe of many70 men and women, who being aged, to ſatisfie their luſt, or for ſome other by-reſpect, mary ſuch as are but in the floure of their age, wherein they doe many times much faile of their expectation: for thoſe young ones finding the ſocietie of aged folkes to be burdenſome, and irkſome vnto them, ſoone begin to loath the ſame, and thereby cauſe more griefe and vexation, then euer they did giue comfort and contentment.
- 70. Vnmeet for aged perſons to mary young ones.
Contrary to this equality in years, is the practise of many70 men and women, who being aged, to satisfy their lust, or for some other by-respect, marry such as are but in the flour of their age, wherein they do many times much fail of their expectation: for those young ones finding the society of aged folks to be burdensome, and irksome unto them, soon begin to loath the same, and thereby cause more grief and vexation, then ever they did give comfort and contentment.
- 70. Unmeet for aged persons to marry young ones.
On the other ſide, others there be who in the prime and71 ſtrength of their age, for wealth, honour, or ſuch like reſpects, mary thoſe that with age begin to be decrepit, and vnfit to be maried, hoping that they will not long liue, but that with a little trouble they ſhall purchaſe much dignitie or riches, & after a while be free againe. But God oft meeteth with ſuch in their kinde, by prolonging the life of thoſe aged perſons, and ſo making the burden to be much more grieuous and tedious then was imagined, and by taking away thoſe young ones ſooner then they looked for, whereby it commeth to paſſe that all their hopes periſh.72 The heathen obſerued inequalitie in yeeres to be occaſions of many miſchiefes, and thereupon preſcribed rules againſt it.
On the other side, others there be who in the prime and71 strength of their age, for wealth, honour, or such like respects, marry those that with age begin to be decrepit, and unfit to be married, hoping that they will not long live, but that with a little trouble they shall purchase much dignity or riches, & after a while be free again. But God oft meeteth with such in their kind, by prolonging the life of those aged persons, and so making the burden to be much more grievous and tedious then was imagined, and by taking away those young ones sooner then they looked for, whereby it cometh to pass that all their hopes perish.72 The heathen observed inequality in years to be occasions of many mischiefs, and thereupon prescribed rules against it.
§. 10. Of equalitie in eſtate and condition betwixt thoſe that are to be maried together.
§. 10. Of equality in estate and condition betwixt those that are to be married together.
2. Some equalitie in outward eſtate and wealth is alſo befitting73 the parties that are to be maried together, leſt the diſparitie therein (eſpecially if it be ouer-great) make the one inſult ouer the other more then is meet: for if a man of great wealth be maried to a poore woman, he will thinke to make p. 190 her as his maid-ſeruant, and expect that ſhe ſhould carrie her ſelfe towards him ſo as beſeemeth not a yoake-fellow, and a bedfellow: ſo as ſuch an one may rather be ſaid to be brought vnto bondage, then mariage. And if a rich woman mary a poore man, ſhe will looke to be the maſter, and to rule him: ſo as the order which God hath eſtabliſhed will be cleane peruerted: and the honour of mariage laid in the duſt. For where no order is, there can be no honour.
- 73. Equalitie in eſtate. Premitur magno coniuge nupta minor. Ouid. epiſt. 9.
2. Some equality in outward estate and wealth is also befitting73 the parties that are to be married together, lest the disparity therein (especially if it be over-great) make the one insult over the other more then is meet: for if a man of great wealth be married to a poor woman, he will think to make her as his maid-servant, and expect that she should carry her self towards him so as beseemeth not a yoke-fellow, and a bedfellow: so as such an one may rather be said to be brought unto bondage, then marriage. And if a rich woman marry a poor man, she will look to be the master, and to rule him: so as the order which God hath established will be clean perverted: and the honour of marriage laid in the dust. For where no order is, there can be no honour.
- 73. Equality in estate. Premitur magno coniuge nupta minor. Ouid. epist. 9.
3. The like may be ſaid of outward condition, that therein74 alſo there be ſome equalitie: that Princes, Nobles, and Gentlemen, mary ſuch as are of their owne ranke: and the meaner ſort ſuch as are of their degree. Note what ſort of wiues Abraham, Iſaac, and Iaacob maried, and it will appeare that they had reſpect to this paritie. Diſparitie in condition as well as in eſtate, is a meanes to make men and women ſwell and inſult aboue that which is meet: yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former eſtate and condition.
- 74. 3. Equalitie in condition. Eas vxores quas inferioris gradus homines ducant, hi qui altioris dignitatis ſunt ducere legibus propter dignitatem prohibentur.
3. The like may be said of outward condition, that therein74 also there be some equality: that Princes, Nobles, and Gentlemen, marry such as are of their own rank: and the meaner sort such as are of their degree. Note what sort of wives Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob married, and it will appear that they had respect to this parity. Disparity in condition as well as in estate, is a means to make men and women swell and insult above that which is meet: yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former estate and condition.
- 74. 3. Equality in condition. Eas vxores quas inferioris gradus homines ducant, hi qui altioris dignitatis sunt ducere legibus propter dignitatem prohibentur.
Contrary on the one ſide are the practiſes of ſuch as affect75 to mary aboue their owne eſtate and degree: thinking by ſuch mariages to aduance themſelues. This is the only thing which many ſeeke after in ſeeking wiues and husbands; whereby it commeth to paſſe that they oft meet with the worſt matches, and make their mariage a kinde of bondage vnto them. Great portions make many women proud, daintie, lauiſh, idle, and careleſſe; a man were much better, euen for helpe of his outward eſtate, to mary a prudent, ſober, thriftie, carefull, diligent wife, though with a ſmall portion, then ſuch an one. A proud backe, a daintie tooth, and a lauiſh hand will ſoone conſume a great portion; but a wiſe woman buildeth her houſe: and a vertuous woman is a crowne to her husband. Many wiues alſo that are maried to very rich husbands, are more ſtinted and pinched in their allowance, then ſuch as are maried to men of meaner eſtate. It is not the meanes which a man hath, but his minde and diſpoſition that maketh him free and bountifull to his wife.
- 75. Digeſt. lib. 23. cap. 2. §. 49. A fault to affect to mary a perſon much aboue ones ranke. Qui longè praeſtantiores ſe ducunt, non coniugum viri, ſed ſerui fiunt dotiū. Plut. de Inſtit. liber. Pro. 14. 1. and 12. 4.
Contrary on the one side are the practises of such as affect75 to marry above their own estate and degree: thinking by such marriages to advance themselves. This is the only thing which many seek after in seeking wives and husbands; whereby it cometh to pass that they oft meet with the worst matches, and make their marriage a kind of bondage unto them. Great portions make many women proud, dainty, lavish, idle, and careless; a man were much better, even for help of his outward estate, to marry a prudent, sober, thrifty, careful, diligent wife, though with a small portion, then such an one. A proud back, a dainty tooth, and a lavish hand will soon consume a great portion; but a wise woman buildeth her house: and a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband. Many wives also that are married to very rich husbands, are more stinted and pinched in their allowance, then such as are married to men of meaner estate. It is not the means which a man hath, but his mind and disposition that maketh him free and bountiful to his wife.
- 75. Digest. lib. 23. cap. 2. §. 49. A fault to affect to marry a person much above ones rank. Qui longè praestantiores se ducunt, non coniugum viri, sed serui fiunt dotium. Plut. de Instit. liber. Prov 14:‸1; 12:‸4.
Contrarie are the mariages which men of great authoritie76 and abilitie make with meane women, yea their owne maids many times, and thoſe of the loweſt ranke, their kitchinmaids. p. 191 And which women of noble bloud, and great estate,77 make with their seruingmen. Doe they not herein bewray much basenesse of minde, and violence of lusts?
Contrary are the marriages which men of great authority76 and ability make with mean women, yea their own maids many times, and those of the lowest rank, their kitchen-maids. ‸ And which women of noble blood, and great estate,77 make with their servingmen. Do they not herein bewray much baseness of mind, and violence of lusts?
If it be said that such mariages are not simply vnlawfull, the rule of the ciuill law giueth a good answer, Alwaies in mariages not only what is lawfull, but what is honest and meet, is to be considered.
If it be said that such marriages are not simply unlawful, the rule of the civil law giveth a good answer, Always in marriages not only what is lawful, but what is honest and meet, is to be considered.
§. 11. Of equality in piety and religion betwixt those that are to be maried together.
§. 11. Of equality in piety and religion betwixt those that are to be married together.
4. The parity which is of greatest consequence betwixt78 parties to be maried, is in piety. In which respect it is requisite that as a Christian be maried to a Christian, and a professor of79 the true faith to a professor of the same faith; so one that in truth feareth God, to one of the same minde and disposition, as it is noted of Zachary and Elizabeth, they were both righteous before God, &c. A worthy couple: one worthy of another: being both alike in such excellent qualities, they could80 not but reape each from other much comfort, and profit euery way.
4. The parity which is of greatest consequence betwixt78 parties to be married, is in piety. In which respect it is requisite that as a Christian be married to a Christian, and a professor of79 the true faith to a professor of the same faith; so one that in truth feareth God, to one of the same mind and disposition, as it is noted of Zachary and Elizabeth,80 they were both righteous before God, etc‸. A worthy couple: one worthy of another: being both alike in such excellent qualities, they could not but reap each from other much comfort, and profit every way.
There is no such meanes to increase loue, preserue peace, prouoke vnto all dutie, make helpfull one to another in all things, and at all times, as this paritie. Hereby shall they be made both able to doe more good one to another, and capeable to receiue more good one from another: especially in the best things, euen in those which concerne their spirituall edification in this world, and eternall saluation in the world to come. For Christ is the fountaine and head of all spirituall life and grace, (it pleased the father that in him should all fulnesse82 dwell: so as it is he that filleth all in all things.) Now Christ communicateth83 that life and grace which is in him to those that are members of his bodie: If then I being a member of that mysticall body, be linked by that neare and inuiolable bond of mariage to one of the members of that body, what hope is there of mutuall communicating one to another, and mutuall partaking one from another of those gifts and graces which p. 192 either of vs receiue from Christ our head? If an vnbeleeuing wife may be saued by a beleeuing husband, and an vnbeleeuing84 husband by a beleeuing wife: much more will one beleeuer be more and more edified by another.
There is no such means to increase love, preserve peace, provoke unto all duty, make helpful one to another in all things, and at all times, as this parity. Hereby shall they be made both able to do more good one to another, and capable to receive more good one from another: especially in the best things, even in those which concern their spiritual edification in this world, and eternal salvation in the world to come. For Christ is the fountain and head of all spiritual life and grace, (it pleased the father that in him should all fulness82 dwell: so as it is he that filleth all in all things.) Now Christ communicateth83 that life and grace which is in him to those that are members of his body: If then I being a member of that mystical body, be linked by that near and inviolable bond of marriage to one of the members of that body, what hope is there of mutual communicating one to another, and mutual partaking one from another of those gifts and graces which either of us receive from Christ our head? If an unbelieving wife may be saved by a believing husband,84 and an unbelieving husband by a believing wife: much more will one believer be more and more edified by another.
Happie is that family where both the gouernours thereof husband and wife are mutuall members of Christs bodie: there will the house be made Gods Church, as the house of Aquila and Priscilla was. Gods worship will there be maintained.85 Children will there be trained vp in the nurture of the Lord: and seruants also taught the feare of God: for they that are indeed of Christs kingdome, will be as leuen which86 seasoneth the whole lumpe: instance the profession which Iosuah87 maketh to this purpose: and the effect which is noted of the ruler whose sonne Christ cured, he himselfe beleeued and88 his whole house.
Happy is that family where both the governors thereof husband and wife are mutual members of Christ’s body: there will the house be made God’s Church, as the house of Aquila and Priscilla was.85 God’s worship will there be maintained. Children will there be trained up in the nurture of the Lord: and servants also taught the fear of God: for they that are indeed of Christ’s kingdom, will be as leaven which86 seasoneth the whole lump: instance the profession which Joshua87 maketh to this purpose: and the effect which is noted of the ruler whose son Christ cured, he himself believed and88 his whole house.
Here by the way, let me exhort parents & other gouernours89 of children, both to traine vp their owne children in true piety & feare of God, and also to seeke such matches for them, as they may haue some assurance that they are of the same faith, and of the same minde and heart: thus shall they procure to their children much happinesse in their mariage as Abraham did to Isaak,90
Here by the way, let me exhort parents & other governors89 of children, both to train up their own children in true piety & fear of God, and also to seek such matches for them, as they may have some assurance that they are of the same faith, and of the same mind and heart: thus shall they procure to their children much happiness in their marriage as Abraham did to Isaac.90
If parents ought in this respect to procure the good of their children, much more ought they who are of themselues, and haue liberty to marie with whom they will, haue an especiall respect to parity in piety: especially femals, because they are in subiection to their husbands: yet ought not men to be carelesse herein: for wiues, if the feare of God possesse not their hearts, though they be the weaker vessels, doe oft make their husbands plaine vassals to them.
If parents ought in this respect to procure the good of their children, much more ought they who are of themselves, and have liberty to marry with whom they will, have an especial respect to parity in piety: especially females, because they are in subjection to their husbands: yet ought not men to be careless herein: for wives, if the fear of God possess not their hearts, though they be the weaker vessels, do oft make their husbands plain vassals to them.
§. 12. Of mariages betwixt persons of diuers professions.
§. 12. Of marriages betwixt persons of divers professions.
Great are the dangers and dammages that ordinarily fall out thereupon. For first the94 holy seed (to vse the words of the holy p. 193 Ghost) is thereby mixed: whereby it commeth to passe that95 the holinesse of the Lord is profaned, that is, they whom God hath chosen to be an holy nation, and a peculiar people to him, are polluted.
Great are the dangers and damages that ordinarily fall out thereupon. For first the holy seed94 (to use the words of the holy Ghost) is thereby mixed: whereby it cometh to pass that the holiness of the Lord is profaned,95 that is, they whom God hath chosen to be an holy nation, and a peculiar people to him, are polluted.
Answ. That is noted only as a remedy of an inconuenience, which being fallen out cannot be recalled: as when two infidels being maried together, the one of them is conuerted to the true faith and the other remaineth an infidell, that the beleeuer might with some comfort enioy the company of the97 other, the Apostle sheweth that for matrimoniall communion the vnbeleeuer is sanctified by the beleeuer. But hereby he giueth no liberty to beleeuers to marie with vnbeleeuers. For though God in mercy thus sanctifie the vnequall yoake which cannot be broken, yet they who professing Gods name doe wittingly vndergoe that yoake, doe as much as in them lieth, profane Gods holinesse.
- 97. Non de ijs qui adhuc coniuncti non sunt, sed de coniunctis agitur. Siquidem non dicit si quis vult accipere infidelem, sed si quis habet infidelem. Chrysost. in 1 Cor. 7. hom. 19.
Answ. That is noted only as a remedy of an inconvenience, which being fallen out cannot be recalled: as when two infidels being married together, the one of them is converted to the true faith and the other remaineth an infidel, that the believer might with some comfort enjoy the company of the97 other, the Apostle showeth that for matrimonial communion the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer. But hereby he giveth no liberty to believers to marry with unbelievers. For though God in mercy thus sanctify the unequal yoke which cannot be broken, yet they who professing God’s name do wittingly undergo that yoke, do as much as in them lieth, profane God’s holiness.
- 97. Non de ijs qui adhuc coniuncti non sunt, sed de coniunctis agitur. Siquidem non dicit si quis vult accipere infidelem, sed si quis habet infidelem. Chrysost. in 1 Cor‸ 7. hom. 19.
2. The professor of the true religion is thereby in danger of Apostasie. Which reason98 the law it selfe presseth against this point: and the Scripture giueth many examples of the wofull issue thereof: as of99 Salomon the wisest among men,100 of Sampson the strongest, of101 Iehoram and others.
Obiect. If I marie one of a contrary religion, I may conuert a sinner from going astray, and saue a soule from death.
Object. If I marry one of a contrary religion, I may convert a sinner from going astray, and save a soul from death.
Answ. It is but a meere may, thou hast no warrant to make that venture, but art forbid to auoid the contrary danger. There is great cause of feare that in an vnequall yoake the worse will preuaile ouer the better. We are naturally prone to yeeld to error, falshood, and all manner of euill. Truth, vertue and grace, are against the current of nature. It is like to fall out in this vnequall yoake, as if two oxen should in one yoake draw contrarie waies one against the other on the side of an hill; that oxe which draweth downe-hill, though it be a poore, leane, weake one, will draw downe the other, though it should be an able, lusty, strong one. All euill is downe hill: all goodnesse is vp hill: and by reason of the flesh which remaineth in all, so long as they remaine on earth, they who p. 194 haue some goodnesse in them are prone and ready to fall away: but they which are euill are very obstinate therein. Yea euill also is of a more spreading and infecting nature. A little sowre leauen will soone make a great batch of dough sowre: but a great deale of sweet dough will not sweeten a little leauen. It is therefore an vnwarrantable pretext for any to marie one of a contrarie religion, or disposition, on hope to conuert them. It is not in mans power to conuert another. It is a diuine worke, without Gods blessing it cannot be done. Little ground there is to expect a blessing from God in that course which is directly against his owne ordinance. A curse may rather be feared. And wofull experience of all ages hath shewed how God hath cursed such mariages.
Answ. It is but a mere may, thou hast no warrant to make that venture, but art forbid to avoid the contrary danger. There is great cause of fear that in an unequal yoke the worse will prevail over the better. We are naturally prone to yield to error, falsehood, and all manner of evil. Truth, virtue and grace, are against the current of nature. It is like to fall out in this unequal yoke, as if two oxen should in one yoke draw contrary ways one against the other on the side of an hill; that ox which draweth down-hill, though it be a poor, lean, weak one, will draw down the other, though it should be an able, lusty, strong one. All evil is down hill: all goodness is up hill: and by reason of the flesh which remaineth in all, so long as they remain on earth, they who have some goodness in them are prone and ready to fall away: but they which are evil are very obstinate therein. Yea evil also is of a more spreading and infecting nature. A little sour leaven will soon make a great batch of dough sour: but a great deal of sweet dough will not sweeten a little leaven. It is therefore an unwarrantable pretext for any to marry one of a contrary religion, or disposition, on hope to convert them. It is not in man’s power to convert another. It is a divine work, without God’s blessing it cannot be done. Little ground there is to expect a blessing from God in that course which is directly against his own ordinance. A curse may rather be feared. And woeful experience of all ages hath showed how God hath cursed such marriages.
Obiect. Saint102 Peter exhorteth wiues so to carrie themselues, as their husbands, which obey not the word, may by that meanes be won without the word, and103 Saint Paul saith to such as were vnequally matched, what knowest thou, ô wife, whether thou shalt saue thy husband? or how knowest thou, ô man, whether thou shalt saue thy wife? It appeareth therefore that an euill husband may be conuerted by a good wife: and an euill wife by a good husband.
Object. Saint Peter102 exhorteth wives so to carry themselves, as their husbands, which obey not the word, may by that means be won without the word, and103 Saint Paul saith to such as were unequally matched, what knowest thou, ô wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or how knowest thou, ô man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? It appeareth therefore that an evil husband may be converted by a good wife: and an evil wife by a good husband.
Ans. These directions are noted only as a remedie to redresse such irreuocable mischiefes as are fallen out, and not to giue libertie of rushing wittingly into them (as was before noted.) When an ill euent is fallen out, necessity lieth on a man; so as all meanes is to be vsed to redresse the same. But thereupon to inferre that a man may safely enter into that course which draweth a man to those mischiefes, what is it but to thrust himselfe into the fire, and to cast himselfe into temptation,104 which he is taught to pray against? besides, the forenamed directions are not grounded on any expresse promises, but vpon meere suppositions.
- 104. Mat. 6. 13.
Ans. These directions are noted only as a remedy to redress such irrevocable mischiefs as are fallen out, and not to give liberty of rushing wittingly into them (as was before noted.) When an ill event is fallen out, necessity lieth on a man; so as all means is to be used to redress the same. But thereupon to infer that a man may safely enter into that course which draweth a man to those mischiefs, what is it but to thrust himself into the fire, and to cast himself into temptation,104 which he is taught to pray against? Besides, the forenamed directions are not grounded on any express promises, but upon mere suppositions.
- 104. Matt 6:‸13.
3. Many other mischiefes are like to follow vpon this kinde of vnequall mariage, besides danger of apostasie (which yet is the greatest) as
3. Many other mischiefs are like to follow upon this kind of unequal marriage, besides danger of apostasy (which yet is the greatest) as
1.105 Many iars and contentions betwixt man and wife. For how can there be mutuall mariage-concord, betwixt those that are of different mindes?
p. 195 2. Disturbance of the family: one part holding with the man, another with the woman.
3. Wasting of goods: the husband spending what he can on such as are of his profession: and the wife what she can, on them that are of hers.
4. Hinderance of all holy duties in the house: the partie that is of106 the contrarie profession not enduring that there should be any.
5. Profanenesse and Atheisme in children. For commonly when parents are of diuers religions, children are of none:107 instance that cursed blasphemer, whose mother was an Israelite, but his father an Egyptian.
- Many jars and contentions betwixt man and wife.105 For how can there be mutual marriage-concord, betwixt those that are of different minds?
- Disturbance of the family: one part holding with the man, another with the woman.
- Wasting of goods: the husband spending what he can on such as are of his profession: and the wife what she can, on them that are of hers.
- Hindrance of all holy duties in the house: the party that is of106 the contrary profession not enduring that there should be any.
- Profaneness and Atheism in children. For commonly when parents are of divers religions, children are of none:107 instance that cursed blasphemer, whose mother was an Israelite, but his father an Egyptian.
Answ. They had beene so, but were not so when they maried them. Faith and repentance, as they alter the disposition, so also the condition of the worst that can be.111 Rahabs faith was manifested before she was maried to Salmon: and112 Ruth had forsaken her country gods, and chosen the God of Israel to be her God: and113 Booz knew as much.
Answ. They had been so, but were not so when they married them. Faith and repentance, as they alter the disposition, so also the condition of the worst that can be. Rahab’s111 faith was manifested before she was married to Salmon: and Ruth112 had forsaken her country gods, and chosen the God of Israel to be her God: and Boaz113 knew as much.
Answ. This was an extraordinary matter, and therefore not examplarie for all. That he did it by an extraordinarie instinct is euident by this phrase, it was of the Lord: that it is not examplarie is euident, because115 Gods law, the rule of example, forbids it. God moued him thereto to manifest his owne power and wisdome thereby.
- 115. Deut. 7. 3.
Answ. This was an extraordinary matter, and therefore not exemplary for all. That he did it by an extraordinary instinct is evident by this phrase, it was of the Lord: that it is not exemplary is evident, because115 God’s law, the rule of example, forbids it. God moved him thereto to manifest his own power and wisdom thereby.
- 115. Deut‸ 7:‸3.
His power, in that he was able to worke by contraries: as to worke enmity by amity; vtter destruction by neere coniunction: for God turned the heart of Sampson, a chiefe man in Israel, to affect, and desire in mariage, a daughter of the Philistims: and moued the parents of that maid to giue her to Sampson in mariage: here was amity and neere coniunction. Yet116 the history sheweth that by this meanes an occasion was giuen to Sampson to reuenge himselfe, and the people of God on the Philistims.
- 116. Iudg. 15.
His power, in that he was able to work by contraries: as to work enmity by amity; utter destruction by near conjunction: for God turned the heart of Samson, a chief man in Israel, to affect, and desire in marriage, a daughter of the Philistines: and moved the parents of that maid to give her to Samson in marriage: here was amity and near conjunction. Yet116 the history showeth that by this means an occasion was given to Samson to revenge himself, and the people of God on the Philistines.
- 116. Judg‸ 15.
p. 196 His Wisdome, in that he turned that which had an apparent shew of great euill, into much good. For, that Sampson a Nazarit of the Lord, a chiefe man in Israel, should ioyne in mariage with a daughter of idolaters, who also were spightfull enemies of the Lords people, caried a shew of euill to such as knew not the spirit of Sampson, nor the intent of the Lord: yet God by this meanes brought Sampson to be a Iudge and deliuerer of his people.
His Wisdom, in that he turned that which had an apparent show of great evil, into much good. For, that Samson a Nazarite of the Lord, a chief man in Israel, should join in marriage with a daughter of idolaters, who also were spiteful enemies of the Lord’s people, carried a show of evil to such as knew not the spirit of Samson, nor the intent of the Lord: yet God by this means brought Samson to be a Judge and deliverer of his people.
By such a spirit as Eliah called for fire from heauen, did117 Sampson marrie an idolater. If any hence shall thinke of marying Idolaters, I may say to them as Christ to his disciples, ye know not of what spirit ye are. This example of Sampson can118 be no more warrant to others to marie with idolaters, then his practise in pulling downe an house on his head, to selfe-murtherers.119 The warrant of extraordinarie matters is particular, proper and peculiar to them only that doe them. But the warrant of exemplary matters must be the generall and knowne will of God in his word.
By such a spirit as Elijah called for fire from heaven,117 did Samson marry an idolater. If any hence shall think of marrying Idolaters, I may say to them as Christ to his disciples, ye know not of what spirit ye are.118 This example of Samson can be no more warrant to others to marry with idolaters, then his practise in pulling down an house on his head,119 to self-murderers. The warrant of extraordinary matters is particular, proper and peculiar to them only that do them. But the warrant of exemplary matters must be the general and known will of God in his word.
Whether in some particular cases this generall rule may be dispensed withall or not, I leaue to the determination of more learned Diuines, and submit all to the iudgement of Gods Church.
Whether in some particular cases this general rule may be dispensed withal or not, I leave to the determination of more learned Divines, and submit all to the judgment of God’s Church.
§. 13. Of that mutuall liking which must passe betwixt mariageable persons before they be maried.
§. 13. Of that mutual liking which must pass betwixt marriageable persons before they be married.
Hauing shewed what persons are fit to be ioyned in mariage, it remaineth, to shew after what manner they are to be ioyned.
Having showed what persons are fit to be joined in marriage, it remaineth, to show after what manner they are to be joined.
There are in Scripture three steps or degrees commended vnto vs by which mariageable parties are in order to proceed vnto mariage.
There are in Scripture three steps or degrees commended unto us by which marriageable parties are in order to proceed unto marriage.
1. A mutuall liking.
1. A mutual liking.
2. An actuall contract.
2. An actual contract.
3. A publike solemnization of mariage.
3. A public solemnization of marriage.
I. The first liking is sometimes on the parents or other friends part, and then by them made knowne to the partie to be maried, as the friends of Rebeca, liking the offer of Isaak120 which was made by Abrahams seruant, made it knowne to Rebeca her selfe. Sometimes againe the first liking is on the p. 197 parties part that is to be maried: and then if that partie be vnder the gouernment of parents, the matter muſt be moued to them, before there be any further proceeding therein, as Sampſon who ſeeing and liking a daughter of the Philiſtims,121 told his father and his mother thereof. Yea though the partie be not vnder the gouernment of any, yet it is very meet that counſell be taken of wiſe and vnderſtanding friends: that in a matter ſo weightie as mariage is, there may be the aduice of more heads then one, for the preuenting of ſuch miſchiefes as through raſhneſſe might fall out. After a liking is thus taken by one partie of a meet mate, that liking muſt be moued to the other partie ſo liked, to know whether there be a reciprocall affection of one towards another. Thus Sampſon went and122 talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife. If at firſt there be a good liking mutually and thorowly ſetled in both their hearts of one another, loue is like to continue in them for euer, as things which are well glued, and ſetled before they be ſhaken vp and downe, will neuer be ſeuered aſunder: but if they be ioyned together without glue, or ſhaken while the glue is moiſt, they cannot remaine firme.
I. The first liking is sometimes on the parents or other friends part, and then by them made known to the party to be married, as the friends of Rebekah, liking the offer of Isaac120 which was made by Abraham’s servant, made it known to Rebekah her self. Sometimes again the first liking is on the parties part that is to be married: and then if that party be under the government of parents, the matter must be moved to them, before there be any further proceeding therein, as Samson who seeing and liking a daughter of the Philistines,121 told his father and his mother thereof. Yea though the party be not under the government of any, yet it is very meet that counsel be taken of wise and understanding friends: that in a matter so weighty as marriage is, there may be the advice of more heads then one, for the preventing of such mischiefs as through rashness might fall out. After a liking is thus taken by one party of a meet mate, that liking must be moved to the other party so liked, to know whether there be a reciprocal affection of one towards another. Thus Samson went and122 talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife. If at first there be a good liking mutually and thoroughly settled in both their hearts of one another, love is like to continue in them for ever, as things which are well glued, and settled before they be shaken up and down, will never be severed asunder: but if they be joined together without glue, or shaken while the glue is moist, they cannot remain firm.
Mutuall loue and good liking of each other is as glue.
Mutual love and good liking of each other is as glue.
Let the parties to be maried be herein well ſetled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation, and that loue will not eaſily be looſened by any trials.
Let the parties to be married be herein well settled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation, and that love will not easily be loosened by any trials.
Contrarie is the adulterous and brutiſh practiſe of ſuch as123 ſo ſoone as they caſt their eie on any whom they like, neuer aduiſe or conſult about a right and due proceeding vnto mariage, but inſtantly with all the eagerneſſe and ſpeed they can, like brute beaſts, ſeeke to haue their deſire and luſt ſatisfied. Though to keepe themſelues free from the penalty of the lawes vnder which they liue, they procure meanes to be maried, yet they declare a luſtfull and adulterous minde. And their practiſe is too like to the practiſe of the Beniamits, who catcht wiues from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing: or elſe to the practiſe of the old world, which ſo grieued the Spirit of God, that it repented him that he had124 made man, and thereupon he was moued to bring a generall deluge on the whole world. Their practiſe was this, that they p. 198 tooke them wiues of all that they choſe: that is, they raſhly and125 ſuddenly maried whomſoeuer they liked, without any conſideration of their condition.
Contrary is the adulterous and brutish practise of such as123 so soon as they cast their eye on any whom they like, never advise or consult about a right and due proceeding unto marriage, but instantly with all the eagerness and speed they can, like brute beasts, seek to have their desire and lust satisfied. Though to keep themselves free from the penalty of the laws under which they live, they procure means to be married, yet they declare a lustful and adulterous mind. And their practise is too like to the practise of the Benjamites,124 who catched wives from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing: or else to the practise of the old world, which so grieved the Spirit of God,125 that it repented him that he had made man, and thereupon he was moved to bring a general deluge on the whole world. Their practise was this, that they took them wives of all that they chose: that is, they rashly and suddenly married whomsoever they liked, without any consideration of their condition.
Getting Married
Getting Married
§. 14. Of a contract what it is?
§. 14. Of a contract what it is?
II. When both parties haue manifeſted a mutuall liking126 each to other, and vpon mature deliberation and good aduice doe conceiue one to be a fit match for another, it is requiſite that a ioynt conſent and abſolute promiſe of marying one another before ſufficient witneſſes be made. This rightly made is a contract, which is the beginning of a mariage.
- 126. Ubi non eſt conſenſus vtriuſque, non poteſt eſſe matrimonium. Inſtit. iur. can. lib. 2. de nupt. tit. 11.
II. When both parties have manifested a mutual liking126 each to other, and upon mature deliberation and good advice do conceive one to be a fit match for another, it is requisite that a joint consent and absolute promise of marrying one another before sufficient witnesses be made. This rightly made is a contract, which is the beginning of a marriage.
- 126. Ubi non est consensus vtriusque, non potest esse matrimonium. Instit. iur. can. lib. 2. de nupt. tit. 11.
The right making of a firme contract conſiſteth in two things:
The right making of a firm contract consisteth in two things:
1. In an actuall taking of each other for eſpouſed man and wife.
1. In an actual taking of each other for espoused man and wife.
2. In a direct promiſe of marying each other within a conuenient time. So as a forme of contract may be made to this purpoſe; Firſt the man taking the woman by the hand to ſay, I A. take thee B. to my eſpouſed wife, and doe faithfully promiſe to marie thee in time meet and conuenient. And then the woman againe taking the man by the hand to ſay, I B. take thee A. to my eſpouſed husband, and doe faithfully promiſe to yeeld to be maried to thee in time meet and conuenient. This mutuall and actuall taking of one another for eſpouſed man and wife in the time preſent, and a direct promiſe of marying one another afterwards, ſetleth ſuch a right and property of the one in the other as cannot be alienated without licence had from the great Iudge of heauen, who hath by his diuine ordinance ſetled that right.
2. In a direct promise of marrying each other within a convenient time. So as a form of contract may be made to this purpose; First the man taking the woman by the hand to say, I A. take thee B. to my espoused wife, and do faithfully promise to marry thee in time meet and convenient. And then the woman again taking the man by the hand to say, I B. take thee A. to my espoused husband, and do faithfully promise to yield to be married to thee in time meet and convenient. This mutual and actual taking of one another for espoused man and wife in the time present, and a direct promise of marrying one another afterwards, settleth such a right and property of the one in the other as cannot be alienated without licence had from the great Judge of heaven, who hath by his divine ordinance settled that right.
§. 15. Of the grounds of a contract.
§. 15. Of the grounds of a contract.
Queſt. Is a contract abſolutely neceſſary?
Quest. Is a contract absolutely necessary?
Anſw. Though it haue beene an ancient cuſtome continued127 in all ages, yet I dare not pronounce it to be ſo abſolutely neceſſary, as the want thereof ſhould nullifie a mariage, and make it to be no lawfull mariage. But ſurely it is ſo meet and requiſite, as I would aduiſe all Chriſtians that deſire a bleſſing and good ſucceſſe on their mariage to be contracted before they are maried.
- 127. Mos ille vete ribus erat ante multum tempus ſponſalia facere. Chryſ. in Gen. Hom. 43.
Answ. Though it have been an ancient custom continued127 in all ages, yet I dare not pronounce it to be so absolutely necessary, as the want thereof should nullify a marriage, and make it to be no lawful marriage. But surely it is so meet and requisite, as I would advise all Christians that desire a blessing and good success on their marriage to be contracted before they are married.
- 127. Mos ille veteribus erat ante multum tempus sponsalia facere. Chrys. in Gen. Hom. 43.
p. 199 If there were no other ground for it but this, that God hath ſanctified it, and commended it vnto vs by his word, it were enough to perſwade ſuch as feare God to vſe it.
If there were no other ground for it but this, that God hath sanctified it, and commended it unto us by his word, it were enough to persuade such as fear God to use it.
For I demand, why doth God commend vnto his Church any thing by his word, but that his Church ſhould make conſcience of vſing it? Now that by Gods word it is commended, is without contradiction moſt euident. For, not to inſiſt on that argument which, not without good probability, is alleaged for the antiquity of a contract, and thus collected from Gods ordering of that firſt ancient mariage betwixt Adam and128 Euah, God brought Euah to Adam on the firſt day that they were created to ſee how he would like her, and vpon the ſight of her, and notice which withall he had of her, by that wiſdome which God gaue him, he then tooke her to himſelfe: which taking is ſuppoſed to be but a contract, becauſe129 he did not know her till after his fall. If it be obiected that Adam and Euah are called130 man and wife in the time of their innocencie. It may bee anſwered that thoſe titles131 are in Scripture giuen to ſuch as are only contracted, to ſhew the neere and firme coniunction betwixt parties eſpouſed.
For I demand, why doth God commend unto his Church any thing by his word, but that his Church should make conscience of using it? Now that by God’s word it is commended, is without contradiction most evident. For, not to insist on that argument which, not without good probability, is alleged for the antiquity of a contract, and thus collected from God’s ordering of that first ancient marriage betwixt Adam and128 Eve, God brought Eve to Adam on the first day that they were created to see how he would like her, and upon the sight of her, and notice which withal he had of her, by that wisdom which God gave him, he then took her to himself: which taking is supposed to be but a contract, because129 he did not know her till after his fall. If it be objected that Adam and Eve are called man130 and wife in the time of their innocency. It may be answered that those titles131 are in Scripture given to such as are only contracted, to show the near and firm conjunction betwixt parties espoused.
But not to inſiſt on that which is but probable, it is more then probable that Lots daughters were contracted: for it is ſaid that132 Lot had ſonnes in law which maried (or rather ſhould marie) his daughters: and withall it is ſaid that they had not knowne man: now then it muſt needs follow that they were called Lots ſonnes in law becauſe his daughters were eſpouſed to them. But moſt euident for this purpoſe is that difference which the133 law putteth betwixt a pure virgin, an eſpouſed maid, and a maried wife. So as contracted perſons are in a middle degree betwixt ſingle perſons, and maried perſons: they are neither ſimply ſingle, nor actually maried. To ſhew that this cuſtome of a contract before mariage continued in Gods Church among the Saints, it is expreſly noted that Marie the mother of the Lord134 Ieſus who liued many hundred yeares after that law, was contracted.
But not to insist on that which is but probable, it is more then probable that Lot’s daughters were contracted: for it is said that Lot132 had sons in law which married (or rather should marry) his daughters: and withal it is said that they had not known man: now then it must needs follow that they were called Lot’s sons in law because his daughters were espoused to them. But most evident for this purpose is that difference which the133 law putteth betwixt a pure virgin, an espoused maid, and a married wife. So as contracted persons are in a middle degree betwixt single persons, and married persons: they are neither simply single, nor actually married. To show that this custom of a contract before marriage continued in God’s Church among the Saints, it is expressly noted that Mary the mother of the Lord134 Jesus who lived many hundred years after that law, was contracted.
§. 16. Of the reaſons which ſhew how requiſite a contract is.
§. 16. Of the reasons which show how requisite a contract is.
Many good and weightie reaſons may be alledged to ſhew how requiſite it is that a contract ſhould go before mariage. For
Many good and weighty reasons may be alleged to show how requisite it is that a contract should go before marriage. For
1. It addeth much to the honour of mariage, that it ſhould be deliberatly and aduiſedly ſtep after ſtep, by one degree after another conſummated and made vp.
1. It addeth much to the honour of marriage, that it should be deliberately and advisedly step after step, by one degree after another consummated and made up.
2. It putteth a difference betwixt ſuch as intend mariage in the feare of the Lord, for ſuch holy ends as are warranted in the word, and ſuch as intend it only to ſatisfie their luſt, or for other like carnall ends. For theſe can admit no delay, as was noted135 before. But they that vſe this ſolemne preparation by a contract before mariage, ſhew that they deſire to haue all things fit for ſo ſacred a matter duly performed; and therefore they are content to make ſome ſtay for the better effecting thereof.
- 135. In the end of §. 13.
2. It putteth a difference betwixt such as intend marriage in the fear of the Lord, for such holy ends as are warranted in the word, and such as intend it only to satisfy their lust, or for other like carnal ends. For these can admit no delay, as was noted135 before. But they that use this solemn preparation by a contract before marriage, show that they desire to have all things fit for so sacred a matter duly performed; and therefore they are content to make some stay for the better effecting thereof.
- 135. In the end of §. 13.
3. It is a meanes of knitting the hearts of the two parties to be maried more firmely and inuiolably together before they come to dwell together. For a contract being the beginning of a mariage, it is an euident demonſtration of Gods counſell concerning the parties contracted, that God hath prepared them each for other to be man and wife: ſo as after the contract is made, they may ſimply and abſolutely pray each for other, that God would bleſſe them one to another, to liue comfortably and happily together. Before a contract is made, they can but vpon ſuppoſition (if God haue appointed them to be man and wife) pray one for another. For oft it falleth out that after many great hopes and likelihoods of proceeding in ſuch or ſuch a match, by ſome occaſion or other it is cleane broken off: but a lawfull contract knitteth ſo firme a knot as cannot be broken: ſo as a man may conclude that being contracted to a woman ſhe ſhall be his wife: and ſo may a woman conclude of a man. The conſideration hereof will further moue them more narrowly to obſerue what good qualities, or what other things, which may make them more louely one to another, are in each other.
3. It is a means of knitting the hearts of the two parties to be married more firmly and inviolably together before they come to dwell together. For a contract being the beginning of a marriage, it is an evident demonstration of God’s counsel concerning the parties contracted, that God hath prepared them each for other to be man and wife: so as after the contract is made, they may simply and absolutely pray each for other, that God would bless them one to another, to live comfortably and happily together. Before a contract is made, they can but upon supposition (if God have appointed them to be man and wife) pray one for another. For oft it falleth out that after many great hopes and likelihoods of proceeding in such or such a match, by some occasion or other it is clean broken off: but a lawful contract knitteth so firm a knot as cannot be broken: so as a man may conclude that being contracted to a woman she shall be his wife: and so may a woman conclude of a man. The consideration hereof will further move them more narrowly to observe what good qualities, or what other things, which may make them more lovely one to another, are in each other.
4. It is a meanes to make them before hand prepare themſelues to perfome ſuch mariage duties as Gods word requireth of man and wife. For a contract giueth them aſſurance of p. 201 mariage if they liue vnto it: ſo as then they cannot but know that it is high time for them to thinke how they are to carrie themſelues, when they come to liue in houſe together: and withall to conſider, what croſſes ordinarily doe accompanie the maried eſtate, that they may be before hand prepared wiſely to paſſe them ouer, or patiently to vndergoe them.
4. It is a means to make them before hand prepare themselves to perform such marriage duties as God’s word requireth of man and wife. For a contract giveth them assurance of marriage if they live unto it: so as then they cannot but know that it is high time for them to think how they are to carry themselves, when they come to live in house together: and withal to consider, what crosses ordinarily do accompany the married estate, that they may be before hand prepared wisely to pass them over, or patiently to undergo them.
5. It may be a meanes of diſcouering many hidden and cloſe inconueniences, which otherwiſe would neuer come to light. For many friends fearing leſt the diſcouering of ſome euils which are carried cloſely, ſhould make a breach betwixt themſelues and their friends, will not make them knowne till they ſee ſome vrgent neceſſitie to moue them ſo to doe. Though the euill be ſuch, as being knowne would hinder mariage, yet till they ſee ſome ſure euidence, that they ſhall indeed be maried (if no iuſt exception be put in) they will hope that ſome other occaſion may fall out to hinder the mariage, and in that reſpect conceale their exception. But becauſe a contract is the beginning of mariage, after they haue notice therof, they will not forbeare to diſcloſe what they know. For this end is it, that the contract is three ſeuerall times openly publiſhed in the Church, that if any doe know any iuſt cauſe why ſuch perſons as are contracted may not lawfully proceed to mariage, they make knowne the ſame. A commendable cuſtome: and great pitty, that it is ſo much neglected as it is.
5. It may be a means of discovering many hidden and close inconveniences, which otherwise would never come to light. For many friends fearing lest the discovering of some evils which are carried closely, should make a breach betwixt themselves and their friends, will not make them known till they see some urgent necessity to move them so to do. Though the evil be such, as being known would hinder marriage, yet till they see some sure evidence, that they shall indeed be married (if no just exception be put in) they will hope that some other occasion may fall out to hinder the marriage, and in that respect conceal their exception. But because a contract is the beginning of marriage, after they have notice thereof, they will not forbear to disclose what they know. For this end is it, that the contract is three several times openly published in the Church, that if any do know any just cause why such persons as are contracted may not lawfully proceed to marriage, they make known the same. A commendable custom: and great pity, that it is so much neglected as it is.
6. It may preuent many plots and practiſes of inueigling, or ſtealing away maids and widowes. For it oft falleth out, that when parents or other friends haue prouided a good match for their daughter, or for ſome other vnder their gouernment, and all things on all parts well concluded, the wedding day appointed, and all things fitted and prepared for the ſolemnizing of the wedding, ſome deſirous to foreſtall that mariage, by ſecret and cunning deuices get the bride away a few daies before, if not on the very morning of the intended wedding day, and mary her out of hand to another. That which maketh men ſo bold is, that they know a clandeſtine mariage being conſummate ſhall ſtand firme in law. But a legall contract preuenteth ſuch miſchiefes, becauſe it maketh ſuch a furtiue mariage vtterly void. None therfore knowing p. 202 that a contract is lawfully made before hand, will be ſo bold, or rather ſo mad, as to offer to fruſtrate a mariage after any ſuch manner.
6. It may prevent many plots and practises of inveigling, or stealing away maids and widows. For it oft falleth out, that when parents or other friends have provided a good match for their daughter, or for some other under their government, and all things on all parts well concluded, the wedding day appointed, and all things fitted and prepared for the solemnizing of the wedding, some desirous to forestall that marriage, by secret and cunning devices get the bride away a few days before, if not on the very morning of the intended wedding day, and marry her out of hand to another. That which maketh men so bold is, that they know a clandestine marriage being consummate shall stand firm in law. But a legal contract preventeth such mischiefs, because it maketh such a furtive marriage utterly void. None therefore knowing that a contract is lawfully made before hand, will be so bold, or rather so mad, as to offer to frustrate a marriage after any such manner.
7. It is a meanes to ſtirre vp the parties which are to be maried, more carefully and diligently to prouide all things fit for their dwelling together, and well ordering their houſhold before hand; that they be not to ſeeke for neceſſaries when they ſhould vſe them. For being contracted, they know that it cannot be long ere they muſt come to dwell together.
7. It is a means to stir up the parties which are to be married, more carefully and diligently to provide all things fit for their dwelling together, and well ordering their household before hand; that they be not to seek for necessaries when they should use them. For being contracted, they know that it cannot be long ere they must come to dwell together.
§. 17. Of abuſing, or neglecting a contract.
§. 17. Of abusing, or neglecting a contract.
There are two extremes contrarie to the forenamed doctrine of a contract. One of attributing too much to it: another of derogating too much from it. Many make it a very mariage, and thereupon haue a greater ſolemnitie at their contract, then136 at their mariage: yea many take libertie after a contract to know their ſpouſe, as if they were maried: an unwarrantable and diſhoneſt practiſe. Lots daughters were137 contracted to husbands, and yet they are ſaid to haue knowne no man. The law ſtileth her that is contracted138 a maid, to ſhew that ſhe ought to keepe her ſelfe a virgin till the mariage be conſummate. Therefore Mary is thus deſcribed,139 a virgin eſpouſed. But it is the common courſe of moſt to make light account of this warrantable and honourable proceeding to mariage by a contract. Few there be in compariſon of the multitudes that are maried, who make any conſcience thereof. They thinke it needleſſe, and vtterly neglect it. No maruell that they meet with many miſchiefes and inconueniences, when the meanes of preuenting the ſame are not vſed. Let ſuch duly weight the reaſons rendred in the former ſection.
There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed doctrine of a contract. One of attributing too much to it: another of derogating too much from it. Many make it a very marriage, and thereupon have a greater solemnity at their contract, then136 at their marriage: yea many take liberty after a contract to know their spouse, as if they were married: an unwarrantable and dishonest practise. Lot’s daughters were137 contracted to husbands, and yet they are said to have known no man. The law styleth her that is contracted a maid,138 to show that she ought to keep her self a virgin till the marriage be consummate. Therefore Mary is thus described, a virgin espoused.139 But it is the common course of most to make light account of this warrantable and honourable proceeding to marriage by a contract. Few there be in comparison of the multitudes that are married, who make any conscience thereof. They think it needless, and utterly neglect it. No marvel that they meet with many mischiefs and inconveniences, when the means of preventing the same are not used. Let such duly weigh the reasons rendered in the former section.
§. 18. Of the diſtance of time betwixt the contract and mariage.
§. 18. Of the distance of time betwixt the contract and marriage.
Quest. What diſtance of time muſt paſſe betwixt the making of a contract, and conſummating of mariage?
Quest. What distance of time must pass betwixt the making of a contract, and consummating of marriage?
Anſw. This muſt be left to the wiſe conſideration of the parties contracted, and of their friends, for the ſame time cannot preciſely be preſcribed to all. Occaſions may fall out either of haſtening, or putting off the mariage. Only extremes on both ſides muſt be auoided. Neither ought the mariage be p. 203 too ſuddenly ſolemnized vpon the contract: (then the ends and reaſons of a contract, before mentioned, are made void) nor yet too long put off (then may Satan take occaſion to tempt them for their incontinencie.) The laudable cuſtome of our and other Churches ſheweth, that at leaſt three weekes muſt paſſe betwixt contract and mariage. For the contract is140 to be three times publiſhed, and that but once a weeke before the wedding be celebrated. And we read that the virgin Mary was at leaſt three moneths contracted before Ioſeph tooke her to wife. For when the Angell firſt came to her ſhe was141 eſpouſed: after that ſhe went to her coſen Elizabeth, with whom ſhe abode three moneths: and then being returned home Ioſeph was warned by an Angell to take her to wife. I142 note not this as a rule for euery one preciſely to follow. For the virgin Mary had a iuſt occaſion to tarrie three moneths with her old coſen Elizabeth: and ſo may others haue occaſions to put off their mariages: which may be lawfull, ſo the mariage be not put off too long, and that there be a mutuall and ioynt conſent of both parties. For after the contract is made, neither the man nor the woman haue the power of their owne body.
Answ. This must be left to the wise consideration of the parties contracted, and of their friends, for the same time cannot precisely be prescribed to all. Occasions may fall out either of hastening, or putting off the marriage. Only extremes on both sides must be avoided. Neither ought the marriage be too suddenly solemnized upon the contract: (then the ends and reasons of a contract, before mentioned, are made void) nor yet too long put off (then may Satan take occasion to tempt them for their incontinency.) The laudable custom of our and other Churches showeth, that at least three weeks must pass betwixt contract and marriage. For the contract is140 to be three times published, and that but once a week before the wedding be celebrated. And we read that the virgin Mary was at least three months contracted before Joseph took her to wife. For when the Angel first came to her she was141 espoused: after that she went to her cousin Elizabeth, with whom she abode three months: and then being returned home Joseph was warned by an Angel to take her to wife.142 I note not this as a rule for every one precisely to follow. For the virgin Mary had a just occasion to tarry three months with her old cousin Elizabeth: and so may others have occasions to put off their marriages: which may be lawful, so the marriage be not put off too long, and that there be a mutual and joint consent of both parties. For after the contract is made, neither the man nor the woman have the power of their own body.
Contrary is that vnwarrantable courſe which many take, to143 be affianced and made ſure to a wife, and then to trauell beyond ſea, or to any other place, and be abſent from their ſpouſe a yeere, or two, or three, or it may be more yeeres. If a man might not goe to warre, nor be charged with any buſineſſe that ſhould draw him from his wife the firſt yeere of his mariage, much leſſe may he abſent himſelfe for any long time after he is contracted but not maried. This may be a meanes to alienate the heart of his ſpouſe from him for euer.
- 143. Vnlawfull for parties contracted long to abſent themſelues each from other. Deut. 24. 5.
Contrary is that unwarrantable course which many take, to143 be affianced and made sure to a wife, and then to travel beyond sea, or to any other place, and be absent from their spouse a year, or two, or three, or it may be more years. If a man might not go to war, nor be charged with any business that should draw him from his wife the first year of his marriage, much less may he absent himself for any long time after he is contracted but not married. This may be a means to alienate the heart of his spouse from him for ever.
- 143. Unlawful for parties contracted long to absent themselves each from other. Deut‸ 24:‸5.
§. 19. Of a religious conſecrating of mariage.
§. 19. Of a religious consecrating of marriage.
III. The laſt degree of conſummating a mariage, is the open and publike ſolemnization thereof: which conſiſteth
III. The last degree of consummating a marriage, is the open and public solemnization thereof: which consisteth
1. In a religious conſecration thereof.
2. In a ciuill celebration
‸‸ in a religious consecration ‸‸ , and in a civil celebration thereof.
A religious conſecration of mariage is performed by the bleſſing of a publike Miniſter of the word in the open face of the Church in the day time. This of old hath beene vſed of p. 204 Chriſtians, and ſtill is continued among vs. Though we haue neither expreſſe precept, nor particular patterne in Gods word for this manner of ſolemnizing a mariage (for there is no particular forme thereof ſet downe in the Scripture) yet it being agreeable to the generall rules thereof, we ought in conſcience to ſubiect our ſelues thereto.
A religious consecration of marriage is performed by the blessing of a public Minister of the word in the open face of the Church in the day time. This of old hath been used of Christians, and still is continued among us. Though we have neither express precept, nor particular pattern in God’s word for this manner of solemnizing a marriage (for there is no particular form thereof set down in the Scripture) yet it being agreeable to the general rules thereof, we ought in conscience to subject our selves thereto.
The generall rules are theſe, Let all things be done decently,144 and in order. The Churches of God haue ſuch a cuſtome. Submit145 your ſelues to euery ordinance of man for the Lords ſake, with146 the like. But the foreſaid manner of conſecrating mariage, is very decent and in good order, a laudable cuſtome of the Churches, and an ordinance of thoſe gouernours vnder whom we liue. Therefore warrantable, and to be obſerued. Neither is this order, cuſtome, and ordinance appointed without iuſt and weightie reaſons. For
The general rules are these, Let all things be done decently,144 and in order. The Churches of God have such a custom. Submit145 your selves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake,146 with the like. But the foresaid manner of consecrating marriage, is very decent and in good order, a laudable custom of the Churches, and an ordinance of those governors under whom we live. Therefore warrantable, and to be observed. Neither is this order, custom, and ordinance appointed without just and weighty reasons. For
1. Mariage is a kind of publike action: the well or ill ordering therof much tendeth to the good or hurt of family, Church, and common-wealth. For by mariage families are erected, and Church and common-wealth increaſed and continued.
1. Marriage is a kind of public action: the well or ill ordering thereof much tendeth to the good or hurt of family, Church, and common-wealth. For by marriage families are erected, and Church and common-wealth increased and continued.
On theſe grounds it hath beene thought very requiſite that mariage ſhould be ſolemnized in the day time (as a worke of light that need not be couertly and cloſely done) and that in a publike place, whether any, that will, may haue free acceſſe, either to except againſt it, and hinder it (if there be iuſt cauſe) or to be a witneſſe thereof, and to adde his bleſſing thereto. And among publike places the Church is thought the fitteſt, becauſe it is the houſe of praier, where perſons and actions are moſt ſolemnly bleſſed. And of all perſons a publike Miniſter is thought to be the meeteſt to celebrate mariage, and to ioyne150 the parties to be maried, together, becauſe he ſtands in Gods roome, and in and by his miniſterie God ioyneth them together, and bleſſeth them: ſo as after the miniſter hath rightly ioyned man and wife together in matrimony, it may be well p. 205 ſaid, Thoſe whom God hath ioyned together, let no man put aſunder. The forme of conſecrating mariage, which is preſcribed in our liturgie or common-prayer-booke, doth ſo diſtinctly, perſpicuouſly, and fully ſet downe whatſoeuer is to be obſerued and done by the parties to be maried, their parents, or other gouernours, and the Miniſter that ioyneth them together, that I can adde nothing thereunto. There are declared the grounds, ends, and vſes of mariage. There open proclamation is made whether any can except againſt the intended mariage. There each partie is ſolemnly charged, that if either of them doe know any impediment, why they may not lawfully be maried, to diſcloſe it. There alſo each partie is openly demanded if freely and willingly they will take one another for man and wife. There the duties of maried perſons are declared, and they ſeuerally asked whether they will ſubiect themſelues thereto or no. All which being openly profeſſed, the parent or ſome in his ſtead is called forth to giue the Bride to the Bridegroome. Then they two actually taking each other to be man and wife, and teſtifying the ſame by expreſſe words, and by mutuall pledges, the Miniſter in Gods name ioyneth them together, pronounceth them to be lawfull husband and wife, and by prayer craueth Gods bleſſing vpon the action, and vpon their perſons. Thus is the mariage conſecrated, and they two made one fleſh, that is, lawfully ioyned together by the inuiolable bond of mariage.
- 150. Coniugium benedictione ſacer dotali ſanctificari oportet. Ambr. epiſt. 70.
On these grounds it hath been thought very requisite that marriage should be solemnized in the day time (as a work of light that need not be covertly and closely done) and that in a public place, whither any, that will, may have free access, either to except against it, and hinder it (if there be just cause) or to be a witness thereof, and to add his blessing thereto. And among public places the Church is thought the fittest, because it is the house of prayer, where persons and actions are most solemnly blessed. And of all persons a public Minister is thought to be the meetest to celebrate marriage, and to join150 the parties to be married, together, because he stands in God’s room, and in and by his ministry God joineth them together, and blesseth them: so as after the minister hath rightly joined man and wife together in matrimony, it may be well said, Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. The form of consecrating marriage, which is prescribed in our liturgy or common-prayer-book, doth so distinctly, perspicuously, and fully set down whatsoever is to be observed and done by the parties to be married, their parents, or other governors, and the Minister that joineth them together, that I can add nothing thereunto. There are declared the grounds, ends, and uses of marriage. There open proclamation is made whether any can except against the intended marriage. There each party is solemnly charged, that if either of them do know any impediment, why they may not lawfully be married, to disclose it. There also each party is openly demanded if freely and willingly they will take one another for man and wife. There the duties of married persons are declared, and they severally asked whether they will subject themselves thereto or no. All which being openly professed, the parent or some in his stead is called forth to give the bride to the bridegroom. Then they two actually taking each other to be man and wife, and testifying the same by express words, and by mutual pledges, the Minister in God’s name joineth them together, pronounceth them to be lawful husband and wife, and by prayer craveth God’s blessing upon the action, and upon their persons. Thus is the marriage consecrated, and they two made one flesh, that is, lawfully joined together by the inviolable bond of marriage.
- 150. Coniugium benedictione sacerdotali sanctificari oportet. Ambr. epist. 70.
§. 20. Of clandeſtine mariages.
§. 20. Of clandestine marriages.
Contrary are clandeſtine mariages, ſuch as are made in priuate houſes, or other ſecret places, or in Churches without a ſufficient number of witneſſes, or in the night time, or without a lawfull Miniſter of the word, with the like. As ſuch ſeeking of ſecrecie taketh much from the honour and dignitie of mariage, ſo it implieth ſome euill cleauing thereto: For euery151 man that euill doth hateth the light. There is little hope that ſuch mariages ſhould haue any good ſucceſſe. For where ſuch meanes as are ſanctified for obtaining a bleſſing on mariage are neglected, what bleſſing can thereupon be expected?
- 151. Ioh. 3. 20.
Contrary are clandestine marriages, such as are made in private houses, or other secret places, or in Churches without a sufficient number of witnesses, or in the night time, or without a lawful Minister of the word, with the like. As such seeking of secrecy taketh much from the honour and dignity of marriage, so it implieth some evil cleaving thereto: For every151 man that evil doth hateth the light. There is little hope that such marriages should have any good success. For where such means as are sanctified for obtaining a blessing on marriage are neglected, what blessing can thereupon be expected?
- 151. John 3:‸20.
§. 21. Of a ciuill celebrating of mariage.
§. 21. Of a civil celebrating of marriage.
Though vpon the forenamed conſecrating of mariage it be in regard of the ſubſtance thereof fully conſummate, yet for the greater ſolemnity of ſo honourable a thing, it is very requiſite that further there be added a ciuill celebration of it: vnder152 which I compriſe all thoſe lawfull cuſtomes that are vſed for the ſetting forth of the outward ſolemnitie thereof, as meeting of friends, accompanying the Bridegroome and Bride both to and from the Church, putting on beſt apparell, feaſting, with other tokens of reioycing: for which we haue expreſſe warrant out of Gods word.
- 152. Magnifico conuiuio nuptiae celebrantur: laeta omnia, munera ſponſalia, &c. Greg. Naz. ad Vital. vide plura ibid. de coniugij ſolennitate. Mariage a time of reioycing.
Though upon the forenamed consecrating of marriage it be in regard of the substance thereof fully consummate, yet for the greater solemnity of so honourable a thing, it is very requisite that further there be added a civil celebration of it: under152 which I comprise all those lawful customs that are used for the setting forth of the outward solemnity thereof, as meeting of friends, accompanying the bridegroom and bride both to and from the Church, putting on best apparel, feasting, with other tokens of rejoicing: for which we have express warrant out of God’s word.
- 152. Magnifico conuiuio nuptiae celebrantur: laeta omnia, munera sponsalia, etc‸. Greg. Naz. ad Vital. vide plura ibid. de coniugij solennitate. Marriage a time of rejoicing.
For the generall, that the mariage time is a time of reioycing, ſome gather from the notation of the word, as if it were ſtiled mariage of merry age. But to let that paſſe, The Scripture vſeth to ſet forth a time of reioycing by the153 ioy of the Bridegroome ouer his Bride, and ſtileth154 the voice of a Bridegroome and a Bride, the voice of ioy and gladneſſe. And on the contrary counteth it a iudgement, when155 ioy is taken away from the Bridegroome and the Bride.
For the general, that the marriage time is a time of rejoicing, some gather from the notation of the word, as if it were styled marriage of merry age. But to let that pass, the Scripture useth to set forth a time of rejoicing by the joy of the bridegroom over his bride,153 and styleth the voice of a bridegroom and a bride, the voice of joy and gladness.154 And on the contrary counteth it a judgment, when155 joy is taken away from the bridegroom and the bride.
For meeting of friends at the time of mariage, it is noted that156 Laban gathered together all the men of the place, when his daughter was maried. And when Sampſon was maried,157 they brought thirtie companions to him. And when a friend of the virgin Marie was maried,158 Ieſus and his Diſciples, beſides many other, were inuited thereto. And in the parable of the mariage of the Kings ſonne, it is noted that159 many gueſts were bidden to the wedding. In all which hiſtories it is further noted, that feaſts were made at the ſolemnizing of thoſe mariages. And the phraſes which the Prophet vſeth of160 a Bridegroomes decking himſelfe with ornaments, and a Brides adorning her ſelfe with Iewels, giue warrant for putting on the beſt apparell at that time.
For meeting of friends at the time of marriage, it is noted that Laban gathered together all the men of the place,156 when his daughter was married. And when Samson was married, they brought thirty companions to him.157 And when a friend of the virgin Mary was married,158 Jesus and his Disciples, besides many other, were invited thereto. And in the parable of the marriage of the Kings son, it is noted that many guests were bidden to the wedding.159 In all which histories it is further noted, that feasts were made at the solemnizing of those marriages. And the phrases which the Prophet useth of a Bridegrooms decking himself with ornaments, and a Brides adorning her self with Jewels,160 give warrant for putting on the best apparel at that time.
Here by the way let good heed be taken, that the things which may lawfully be vſed, be not vnlawfully abuſed, as commonly mariage-feſtiuities, and that eſpecially in feaſtings, are.
Here by the way let good heed be taken, that the things which may lawfully be used, be not unlawfully abused, as commonly marriage-festivities, and that especially in feastings, are.
§. 22. Of ill or well ordering mariage feaſts.
§. 22. Of ill or well ordering marriage feasts.
For preuenting of theſe abuſes, a ſeaſonable time for celebrating168 mariage muſt be choſen out: and moderation vſed both by him that maketh the feaſt, and alſo by them that partake thereof: moderation I ſay in the meaſure of eating and drinking, and in the time ſpent therein: which time muſt be ſanctified with ſuch communication as is good to the vſe of edifying, that it may miniſter grace vnto the hearers. And for the more cheerefulneſſe therein, witty queſtions and doubtfull riddles may be propounded (as Sampſon did) to exerciſe the wit169 and iudgement of the gueſts: there may be alſo ſinging Pſalmes and hymnes and ſpirituall ſongs, making melodie in their hearts to the Lord. Yea further, that the mariage meeting, mirth, and feaſting may be the better ſanctified, good choice is to be made of the gueſts that are inuited thereto. Hereof we haue a worthy patterne in thoſe who were maried in Cana of Galile,170 and inuited to their feaſt Ieſus, his mother, and his Diſciples. Such as Ieſus, will miniſter occaſion of ſauourie and ſanctified communication, whereby all the gueſts may be much edified. Such as the virgin Mary will be a good example of modeſty, sobrietie, and other like Chriſtian graces. Such as the Diſciples, will be farre from ſcorning and deriding wholſome and good inſtructions, but rather giue all diligent heed thereunto, and lay them vp in their hearts.
For preventing of these abuses, a seasonable time for celebrating168 marriage must be chosen out: and moderation used both by him that maketh the feast, and also by them that partake thereof: moderation I say in the measure of eating and drinking, and in the time spent therein: which time must be sanctified with such communication as is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And for the more cheerfulness therein, witty questions and doubtful riddles may be propounded (as Samson did)169 to exercise the wit and judgment of the guests: there may be also singing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in their hearts to the Lord. Yea further, that the marriage meeting, mirth, and feasting may be the better sanctified, good choice is to be made of the guests that are invited thereto. Hereof we have a worthy pattern in those who were married in Cana of Galilee,170 and invited to their feast Jesus, his mother, and his Disciples. Such as Jesus, will minister occasion of savoury and sanctified communication, whereby all the guests may be much edified. Such as the virgin Mary will be a good example of modesty, sobriety, and other like Christian graces. Such as the Disciples, will be far from scorning and deriding wholesome and good instructions, but rather give all diligent heed thereunto, and lay them up in their hearts.
Aboue all, that the mirth and ioy of mariage be not dampt, p. 208 as Belſhazzars was, let them that are maried, and all that come171 to reioyce with them, be ſure that they haue true aſſurance of their ſpirituall mariage with Chriſt, and of a good right in him to the creatures which they vſe. Otherwiſe their ſinnes will be as that hand-writing which appeared to Belſhazzar on the wall.
- 171. Dan. 5. 5. [moved in the edition]
Above all, that the mirth and joy of marriage be not damped, as Belshazzar’s was,171 let them that are married, and all that come to rejoice with them, be sure that they have true assurance of their spiritual marriage with Christ, and of a good right in him to the creatures which they use. Otherwise their sins will be as that hand-writing which appeared to Belshazzar on the wall.
- 171. Dan 5:‸5. ‸ [moved here by the editor]
Thus by a right celebrating of mariage, is it much honoured: and man and wife with much honour are brought together.
Thus by a right celebrating of marriage, is it much honoured: and man and wife with much honour are brought together.
§. 23. Of the honour of mariage in regard of the firſt inſtitution thereof.
§. 23. Of the honour of marriage in regard of the first institution thereof.
Great reaſon there is why mariage ſhould with ſuch honour be ſolemnized. For it is a moſt honourable thing. Honourable in the inſtitution, ends, priuiledges, and myſterie thereof. No ordinance was more honourable in the firſt inſtitution thereof, as is euident by the Author thereof, the Place where it was inſtituted, the Time when it was inſtituted, the Perſons who were firſt maried, and the Manner of ioyning them together.
Great reason there is why marriage should with such honour be solemnized. For it is a most honourable thing. Honourable in the institution, ends, privileges, and mystery thereof. No ordinance was more honourable in the first institution thereof, as is evident by the Author thereof, the place where it was instituted, the time when it was instituted, the persons who were first married, and the Manner of joining them together.
2. The Place was Paradiſe; the moſt faire, glorious, pleaſant, honourable, commodious, and euery way moſt excellent place that euer was in this world, Place, though it be but a circumſtance, addeth much to the honour of a thing. Solemat ordinances are made in honourable places. Thus with vs mariages are ſolemnized in Churches, not in priuate houſes.
2. The place was Paradise; the most fair, glorious, pleasant, honourable, commodious, and every way most excellent place that ever was in this world. Place, though it be but a circumstance, addeth much to the honour of a thing. Solemn ordinances are made in honourable places. Thus with us marriages are solemnized in Churches, not in private houses.
3. The Time was the moſt pure and perfect time that euer was in the world, when no ſinne or pollution of man had ſtained it, euen the time of mans innocencie. Puritie addeth much to the honour of a thing.
3. The time was the most pure and perfect time that ever was in the world, when no sin or pollution of man had stained it, even the time of man’s innocency. Purity addeth much to the honour of a thing.
4. The Perſons were the moſt honourable that euer were euen the firſt father and mother of all mankinde, they who had an abſolute power and dominion ouer all creatures, and p. 209 to whom all were ſubiect. None but they euer had a true monarchy ouer the whole world.
4. The persons were the most honourable that ever were even the first father and mother of all mankind, they who had an absolute power and dominion over all creatures, and to whom all were subject. None but they ever had a true monarchy over the whole world.
5. The Manner was with as great deliberation as euer was vſed in inſtituting any ordinance. For firſt the three glorious174 perſons in the Trinity doe meet to aduiſe about it. For The Lord God ſaid, and to whom ſhould he ſpeake? not to any created power, but to him that was begotten of himſelfe, that Wonderfull, Counſeller, &c. In this conſultation this ordinance is found to be very needfull: (It is not good for man to be alone) thereupon a determination is ſet downe, to make an helpe meet for man. For the better effecting hereof the Lord proceedeth thereto very deliberatly, by ſundry ſteps, and degrees.
- 174. Gen. 2. 18. Cui hoc dicitur? non creatae alicui potentiae, ſed ei qui exſe natus eſt, Conſiliario admirabili, &c. Chryſ. in Gen. hom. 14.
5. The Manner was with as great deliberation as ever was used in instituting any ordinance. For first the three glorious174 persons in the Trinity do meet to advise about it. For The Lord God said, and to whom should he speak? Not to any created power, but to him that was begotten of himself, that Wonderful, Counsellor, etc‸. In this consultation this ordinance is found to be very needful: (It is not good for man to be alone) thereupon a determination is set down, to make an help meet for man. For the better effecting hereof the Lord proceedeth thereto very deliberately, by sundry steps, and degrees.
- 174. Gen‸ 2:‸18. Cui hoc dicitur? non creatae alicui potentiae, sed ei qui ex se natus est, Consiliario admirabili, etc‸. Chrys. in Gen. hom. 14.
1. All the creatures that liued on the earth, or breathed in the aire, are brought before man, to ſee if an helpe meet for him might be found among them.
2. Euery of them being thorowly viewed, and found vnfit, another creature is made and that out of mans ſubſtance and ſide, and after his image.
3. This excellent creature thus made is by the maker therof preſented to man, to ſee how he would like it.
4. Man manifeſting a good liking to her, ſhe is giuen to him to be his wife.
5. The inuiolable law of the neere and firme vnion of man and wife together is enacted.
- All the creatures that lived on the earth, or breathed in the air, are brought before man, to see if an help meet for him might be found among them.
- Every of them being thoroughly viewed, and found unfit, another creature is made and that out of man’s substance and side, and after his image.
- This excellent creature thus made is by the maker thereof presented to man, to see how he would like it.
- Man manifesting a good liking to her, she is given to him to be his wife.
- The inviolable law of the near and firm union of man and wife together is enacted.
Let all the forenamed branches concerning the firſt inſtitution of mariage expreſly recorded by the holy Ghoſt be well weighed, and we ſhall eaſily ſee that there is no ordinance now in force among the ſonnes of men ſo honourable in the inſtitution thereof, as this.
Let all the forenamed branches concerning the first institution of marriage expressly recorded by the Holy Ghost be well weighed, and we shall easily see that there is no ordinance now in force among the sons of men so honourable in the institution thereof, as this.
§. 24. Of the Ends of Mariage.
§. 24. Of the Ends of Marriage.
1. That the world might be increaſed: and not ſimply increaſed, but with a legitimate brood, and diſtinct families, which are the ſeminaries of cities and common-wealths. Yea alſo that in the world the Church by an holy ſeed might be preſerued, and propagated, Mal. 2. 15.
1. That the world might be increased: and not simply increased, but with a legitimate brood, and distinct families, which are the seminaries of cities and common-wealths. Yea also that in the world the Church by an holy seed might be preserved, and propagated, Mal‸ 2:‸15.
2. That men might auoid fornication (1 Cor. 7. 2.) and p. 210 poſſeſſe their veſſels in holineſſe and honour. In regard of that176 proneneſſe which is in mans corrupt nature to luſt, this end addeth much to the honour of mariage. It ſheweth that mariage is as an hauen to ſuch as are in ieopardy of their ſaluation through the guſts of temptations to luſt. No ſinne is more hereditary; none whereof more children of Adam doe partake, then this. Well might Chriſt ſay (Mat. 19. 11) all men receiue not this ſaying.
- 176. Qui tentationum procell as cum difficultate ſalutis tolerant, coniugij portum petant. Greg. in Poſt. part. 3. admon. 28.
2. That men might avoid fornication (1 Cor‸ 7:‸2‸) and possess their vessels in holiness and honour. In regard of that176 proneness which is in man’s corrupt nature to lust, this end addeth much to the honour of marriage. It showeth that marriage is as an haven to such as are in jeopardy of their salvation through the gusts of temptations to lust. No sin is more hereditary; none whereof more children of Adam do partake, then this. Well might Christ say (Matt 19:‸11) all men receive not this saying.
- 176. Qui tentationum procellas cum difficultate salutis tolerant, coniugij portum petant. Greg. in Post. part. 3. admon. 28.
Of all the children of Adam that euer were, not one to a million of thoſe that haue come to ripeneſſe of yeares haue beene true Eunuches all their life time. Againſt this hereditary diſeaſe no remedie is ſo ſoueraigne as this. Yea for thoſe that haue not the gift of continency this is the only warranted, and ſanctified remedy.
Of all the children of Adam that ever were, not one to a million of those that have come to ripeness of years have been true Eunuchs all their life time. Against this hereditary disease no remedy is so sovereign as this. Yea for those that have not the gift of continency this is the only warranted, and sanctified remedy.
3. That man and wife might be a mutuall helpe one to177 another, (Gen. 2. 18.) An helpe as for bringing forth, ſo for bringing vp children; and as for erecting, ſo for well gouerning their family. An helpe alſo for well ordering proſperity, and well bearing aduerſity. An helpe in health and ſickneſſe.178 An helpe while both liue together, and when one is by death taken from the other. In this reſpect it is ſaid (Pro. 18. 22.) who ſo findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, which by the rule of relation is true alſo, of an husband.179
3. That man and wife might be a mutual help one to177 another, (Gen‸ 2:‸18‸) An help as for bringing forth, so for bringing up children; and as for erecting, so for well governing their family. An help also for well ordering prosperity, and well bearing adversity. An help in health and sickness.178 An help while both live together, and when one is by death taken from the other. In this respect it is said (Prov 18:‸22‸) who so findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, which by the rule of relation is true also, of an husband.179
No ſuch helpe can man haue from any other creature as from a wife; or a woman as from an husband.
No such help can man have from any other creature as from a wife; or a woman as from an husband.
§. 25. Of the Priuileges of mariage.
§. 25. Of the Privileges of marriage.
1. By it men and women are made Husbands and Wiues.
1. By it men and women are made husbands and wives.
2. It is the only lawfull meanes to make them Fathers and Mothers.
2. It is the only lawful means to make them fathers and mothers.
3. It is the ordinarie meanes to make them Maſters and Miſtreſſes. All theſe are great dignities, wherein the image and glorie of God conſiſteth.
3. It is the ordinary means to make them masters and mistresses. All these are great dignities, wherein the image and glory of God consisteth.
p. 211 5. Many priuileges haue of old beene granted to ſuch as were maried.182 In pleading cauſes, or giuing ſentence, they had the firſt place; and in choice of offices they were preferred.183 In meetings they had the vpper hand.184 And if they had many children they were exempted from watchings, and other like burthenſome functions. Among vs, if the younger ſiſter be maried before the elder, the preheminency and precedency is giuen to the younger.
5. Many privileges have of old been granted to such as were married.182 In pleading causes, or giving sentence, they had the first place; and in choice of offices they were preferred.183 In meetings they had the upper hand.184 And if they had many children they were exempted from watchings, and other like burdensome functions. Among us, if the younger sister be married before the elder, the preeminence and precedency is given to the younger.
§. 26. Of the myſterie of Mariage.
§. 26. Of the mystery of Marriage.
IIII. Great is that myſterie which is ſet forth by mariage, namely the ſacred, ſpirituall, reall, and inuiolable vnion betwixt Chriſt and his Church: which is excellently deciphered in Salomons Song, and in Pſal. 45. and expreſly noted, Eph. 5. 32.
IIII. Great is that mystery which is set forth by marriage, namely the sacred, spiritual, real, and inviolable union betwixt Christ and his Church: which is excellently deciphered in Solomon’s Song, and in Psalm 45. And expressly noted, Eph‸ 5:‸32.
Hereby man and wife who intirely, as they ought, loue one another, haue an euident demonſtration of Chriſts loue to them. For as parents by that affection which they beare to their children, may better diſcerne the minde, and meaning of God towards them, then ſuch as neuer had childe, ſo may maried perſons better know the diſpoſition of Ieſus Chriſt, who is the ſpouſe of euery faithfull ſoule, then ſingle perſons.
Hereby man and wife who entirely, as they ought, love one another, have an evident demonstration of Christ’s love to them. For as parents by that affection which they bear to their children, may better discern the mind, and meaning of God towards them, then such as never had child, so may married persons better know the disposition of Jesus Christ, who is the spouse of every faithful soul, then single persons.
§. 27. Of Mariage and ſingle life compared together.
§. 27. Of Marriage and single life compared together.
Let now the admirers and praiſers of a ſingle eſtate bring forth all their reaſons, and put them in the other ſcole againſt mariage. If theſe two be duly poiſed, and rightly weyed, we ſhall finde ſingle life too light to be compared with honeſt mariage. All that can be ſaid for the ſingle eſtate, is grounded vpon accidentall occaſions. Saint Paul, who of all the pen-men of holy Scripture hath ſpoken moſt for it, draweth all his commendations to the head of Expediency, and reſtraineth all vnto186 preſent neceſſity.
- 186. 1 Cor. 7. 26. διὰ τὴν ἐνεστῶσαν ἀνάγκην.
Let now the admirers and praisers of a single estate bring forth all their reasons, and put them in the other scale against marriage. If these two be duly poised, and rightly weighed, we shall find single life too light to be compared with honest marriage. All that can be said for the single estate, is grounded upon accidental occasions. Saint Paul, who of all the pen-men of holy Scripture hath spoken most for it, draweth all his commendations to the head of Expediency, and restraineth all unto186 present necessity.
- 186. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸26‸ διὰ τὴν ἐνεστῶσαν ἀνάγκην.
Anſw. Thoſe words haue relation not to vertue, but to expediencie: neither are they ſpoken in oppoſition to vice and p. 212 ſinne, for then would it follow, that to marie (which is Gods ordinance, and honourable in all) were euill and ſinfull: which is to reuiue189 that ancient hereſie, that mariage is of the deuill.190 Of old they who haue called lawfull mariage a defilement, haue beene ſaid to haue the Apoſtate dragon dwelling in them. But the Apoſtle ſtileth that good, which is commodious, and that better which is more expedient: and yet not ſimply more expedient, but to ſome perſons at ſome times. For if any haue not the gift of continency, it is not only commodious or more expedient that they marie, but alſo abſolutely neceſſarie. They are commanded ſo to doe (1 Cor. 7. 9.) Yet on the other ſide, if any haue the gift of continency, they are not ſimply bound from mariage; there be other occaſions, beſide auoiding fornication, to moue them to marie. It is therefore truly ſaid that Virginity is not commanded, but aduiſed vnto.191 We haue no precept for it, but leaue it to the power of them that haue that power. So farre forth as men and women ſee iuſt occaſion of abſtaining from mariage (being at leaſt able ſo to doe) they are by the Apoſtle perſwaded to vſe their liberty and keepe themſelues free. But all the occaſions which192 moue them to remaine ſingle ariſe from the weakneſſe and wickedneſſe of men. Their wickedneſſe who raiſe troubles againſt others, their weakneſſe who ſuffer themſelues to be diſquieted and too much diſtracted with affaires of the family, care for wife, children, and the like. Were it not for the wickedneſſe of ſome, and weakneſſe of others, to pleaſe an huſband193 or a wife, would be no hiderance to pleaſing of the Lord. If therefore man had ſtood in his intire and innocent eſtate, no ſuch wickedneſſe or weakneſſe had ſeized vpon him: and then in no reſpect could the ſingle eſtate haue beene preferred194 before the maried. But ſince the fall, Virginity (where it is giuen) may be of good vſe: and therefore the Church doth giue due honour both to virginity and mariage.
- 189. Saturniliani de quibus Epiph. haer. 23.
- 190. Si quis coinquinationem vocet legitimā commixtionem, habet inhabitatorem draconem Apoſtatam. Ignat. Epiſt. ad Philad.
- 191. Uirginitas non eſt iuſſa ſed admonita. Bernard. de modo benè viu. ſerm. 21.
- 192. De virginitate praeceptum non habemus: volentium poteſtati id relinquimus. Conſtit. Apoſt. li. 4. cap. 14.
- 193. 1 Cor. 7. 32, 33, 34. [moved in the edition]
- 194. S. Eccleſia & virginitatem glorificat, & nuptias pudicas honorat. Epiph. haer. 48.
Answ. Those words have relation not to virtue, but to expediency: neither are they spoken in opposition to vice and sin, for then would it follow, that to marry (which is God’s ordinance, and honourable in all) were evil and sinful: which is to revive189 that ancient heresy, that marriage is of the devil.190 Of old they who have called lawful marriage a defilement, have been said to have the Apostate dragon dwelling in them. But the Apostle styleth that good, which is commodious, and that better which is more expedient: and yet not simply more expedient, but to some persons at some times. For if any have not the gift of continency, it is not only commodious or more expedient that they marry, but also absolutely necessary. They are commanded so to do (1 Cor‸ 7:‸9‸) Yet on the other side, if any have the gift of continency, they are not simply bound from marriage; there be other occasions, beside avoiding fornication, to move them to marry. It is therefore truly said that Virginity is not commanded, but advised unto.191 We have no precept for it, but leave it to the power of them that have that power. So far forth as men and women see just occasion of abstaining from marriage (being at least able so to do) they are by the Apostle persuaded to use their liberty and keep themselves free. But all the occasions which192 move them to remain single arise from the weakness and wickedness of men. Their wickedness who raise troubles against others, their weakness who suffer themselves to be disquieted and too much distracted with affairs of the family, care for wife, children, and the like.193 Were it not for the wickedness of some, and weakness of others, to please an husband or a wife, would be no hindrance to pleasing of the Lord. If therefore man had stood in his entire and innocent estate, no such wickedness or weakness had seized upon him: and then in no respect could the single estate have been preferred194 before the married. But since the fall, Virginity (where it is given) may be of good use: and therefore the Church doth give due honour both to virginity and marriage.
- 189. Saturniliani de quibus Epiph. haer. 23.
- 190. Si quis coinquinationem vocet legitimam commixtionem, habet inhabitatorem draconem Apostatam. Ignat. Epist. ad Philad.
- 191. Virginitas non est iussa sed admonita. Bernard. de modo benè viu. serm. 21.
- 192. De virginitate praeceptum non habemus: volentium potestati id relinquimus. Constit. Apost. li. 4. cap. 14.
- 193. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸32, 33, 34. [moved here by the editor]
- 194. S. Ecclesia & virginitatem glorificat, & nuptias pudicas honorat. Epiph. haer. 48.
§. 28. Of celebrating mariage with ſorrow.
§. 28. Of celebrating marriage with sorrow.
Contrary to the forenamed ioyfull celebrating of mariage are all thoſe indirect courſes which bring much griefe, trouble and vexation thereunto: as forced, ſtolne, vnequall, or any other way vnlawfull mariages: mariages without parents, or p. 213 other gouernours and friends conſent: or hudled vp to auoid the danger of law for former vncleanneſſe committed, with the like. Many by their prepoſterous and vndue performing of ſo weightie a matter, doe not only cauſe great trouble and diſquietneſſe on the mariage day, but alſo much ſorrow all the daies of their life. If ſuch finde no ioy, comfort or helpe in mariage, but rather the contrary, let them not blame Gods ordinance, but their owne folly and peruerſneſſe.
Contrary to the forenamed joyful celebrating of marriage are all those indirect courses which bring much grief, trouble and vexation thereunto: as forced, stolen, unequal, or any other way unlawful marriages: marriages without parents, or other governors and friends consent: or huddled up to avoid the danger of law for former uncleanness committed, with the like. Many by their preposterous and undue performing of so weighty a matter, do not only cause great trouble and disquietness on the marriage day, but also much sorrow all the days of their life. If such find no joy, comfort or help in marriage, but rather the contrary, let them not blame God’s ordinance, but their own folly and perverseness.
Marital Unity and Sexual Faithfulness
Marital Unity and Sexual Faithfulness
§. 1. Of the heads of thoſe common-mutuall duties.
§. 1. Of the heads of those common-mutual duties.
IN the firſt part of this Treatiſe concerning Man and Wife, hath beene declared, who are ſo to be accounted: in this ſecond part their common-mutuall duties are to be laid forth. Theſe are either195 abſolutely neceſſary for the being and abiding of mariage: or196 needfull and requiſite for the well being and well abiding of it, that is, for the good eſtate of mariage, and for a commendable, and comfortable liuing together.
In the first part of this Treatise concerning man and wife, hath been declared, who are so to be accounted: in this second part their common-mutual duties are to be laid forth. These are either absolutely necessary195 for the being and abiding of marriage: or196 needful and requisite for the well being and well abiding of it, that is, for the good estate of marriage, and for a commendable, and comfortable living together.
There are two kindes of the former, 1. Matrimoniall Vnity.
2. Matrimoniall Chaſtity.
There are two kinds of the former‸
- ‸‸ Matrimonial Unity.
- ‸‸ Matrimonial Chastity.
The latter alſo may be drawne to two heads: for they are either ſuch as the maried couple are mutually to performe each to other: or ſuch as both of them are ioyntly to performe to others.
The latter also may be drawn to two heads: for they are either such as the married couple are mutually to perform each to other: or such as both of them are jointly to perform to others.
Thoſe mutuall duties are 1. A louing affection of one to another.
2. A prouident care of one for another.
Those mutual duties are
- ‸‸ A loving affection of one to another.
- ‸‸ A provident care of one for another.
Vnder that prouident care I compriſe both the Meanes whereby it may be the better effected (which is Cohabitation) and the Matter wherein it conſiſteth:
Under that provident care I comprise both the Means whereby it may be the better effected (which is Cohabitation) and the Matter wherein it consisteth:
p. 214
And this reſpecteth, 1. The Soule, 3. The Good-name of each other.
2. The Body, 4. The Goods
And this respecteth‸ ‸‸ the soul‸ ‸‸ , the body‸ ‸‸ , the good-name ‸‸ , and the goods of each other.
The ioynt duties which are to be performed to others,
The joint duties which are to be performed to others,
reſpect 1. Thoſe who are in the houſe.
2. Thoſe who are out of the houſe.
respect ‸‸ those who are in the house, and ‸‸ those who are out of the house.
They who are in the houſe are 1. Members of the familie.
2. Gueſts which come to the familie.
They who are in the house are
- ‸‸ Members of the family.
- ‸‸ Guests which come to the family.
Many more particulars are compriſed vnder theſe generall heads, which I purpoſe diſtinctly to deliuer, as I come to them in their ſeuerall proper places.
Many more particulars are comprised under these general heads, which I purpose distinctly to deliver, as I come to them in their several proper places.
§. 2. Of Matrimoniall vnitie.
§. 2. Of Matrimonial unity.
The firſt, higheſt, chiefeſt, and moſt abſolutely neceſſarie common-mutuall dutie betwixt Man and Wife, is Matrimoniall Vnitie, whereby husband and wife doe account one another to be one fleſh, and accordingly preſerue the inuiolable vnion whereby they are knit together. This is that dutie which the Apoſtle inioyneth to husbands and wiues, in theſe words, Let197 not the wife depart from her husband: Let not the husband put away his wife. He there ſpeaketh of renouncing each other, and making the matrimoniall bond fruſtrate, and of no effect: which bond he would haue to be kept firme and inuiolable, and they two who are thereby made one, conſtantly to remaine one, and not to make themſelues two againe. This matrimoniall vnitie is ſo neceſſarie, as it may not be diſ-united or diſſolued though one be a Chriſtian, the other a Pagan. If any brother198 (ſaith the Apoſtle) hath a wife that beleeueth not, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that beleeueth not, let her not leaue him.
The first, highest, chiefest, and most absolutely necessary common-mutual duty betwixt man and wife, is Matrimonial Unity, whereby husband and wife do account one another to be one flesh, and accordingly preserve the inviolable union whereby they are knit together. This is that duty which the Apostle enjoineth to husbands and wives, in these words, Let197 not the wife depart from her husband: Let not the husband put away his wife. He there speaketh of renouncing each other, and making the matrimonial bond frustrate, and of no effect: which bond he would have to be kept firm and inviolable, and they two who are thereby made one, constantly to remain one, and not to make themselves two again. This matrimonial unity is so necessary, as it may not be dis-united or dissolved though one be a Christian, the other a Pagan. If any brother198 (saith the Apostle) hath a wife that believeth not, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, let her not leave him.
The reaſons of this inuiolable vnion are eſpecially two: One taken from the Author of mariage: the other from the Nature thereof.
The reasons of this inviolable union are especially two: One taken from the Author of marriage: the other from the nature thereof.
1. The Author of mariage is God. It is his ordinance: and199 he it is that by his ordinance hath made of two, one fleſh. Now marke the conſequence which Chriſt as a ruled caſe, and vndeniable principle inferreth thereon, What God hath ioyned together200 let no man put aſunder: If no man, then nor wife, nor huſband himſelfe.
1. The Author of marriage is God.199 It is his ordinance: and he it is that by his ordinance hath made of two, one flesh. Now mark the consequence which Christ as a ruled case, and undeniable principle inferreth thereon, What God hath joined together200 let no man put asunder: If no man, then nor wife, nor husband himself.
§. 3. Of Deſertion.
§. 3. Of Desertion.
The vice contrary to matrimoniall vnitie is Deſertion, when one of the maried couple through indignation of the true religion, and vtter deteſtation thereof, or ſome other like cauſe, ſhall apparently renounce all matrimoniall vnitie, and withdraw him or her ſelfe from all ſocietie with the other, and liue among Infidels, Idolaters, heretiques, or other ſuch perſecutors, as a faithfull Chriſtian with ſafetie of life, or a good conſcience, cannot abide among; and though all good meanes that can be thought of be vſed to reclaime the partie ſo departed, yet nothing will preuaile, but obſtinatly perſiſteth in renouncing all matrimoniall fellowſhip.
The vice contrary to matrimonial unity is Desertion, when one of the married couple through indignation of the true religion, and utter detestation thereof, or some other like cause, shall apparently renounce all matrimonial unity, and withdraw him or her self from all society with the other, and live among Infidels, Idolaters, heretics, or other such persecutors, as a faithful Christian with safety of life, or a good conscience, cannot abide among; and though all good means that can be thought of be used to reclaim the party so departed, yet nothing will prevail, but obstinately persisteth in renouncing all matrimonial fellowship.
This Deſertion is in the caſe of mariage ſo capitall, as it202 freeth the innocent partie from any further ſeeking after the other. In which reſpect the Apoſtle ſaith, If the vnbeleeuing depart, let him depart. A brother or a ſiſter is not vnder bondage in ſuch caſes, 1 Cor. 7. 15. By bondage he meaneth matrimoniall ſubiection (by reaſon whereof neither of the maried perſons haue power of their owne body, but one of the others.) Now they that are not vnder this bondage, are not bound to ſeeke after it. That Deſertion therefore on the delinquents203 part is ſuch diſſolution of mariage, as freeth the innocent partie from the bondage thereof. In many reformed Churches beyond the ſeas Deſertion is accounted ſo farre to diſſolue the very bond of mariage, as libertie is giuen to the partie forſaken to marie another: and it is alſo applied to other caſes then that which is aboue mentioned: as when an204 Infidell, Idolater, or Heretique ſhall depart from one of the true religion for other cauſes then hatred of religion: or when both man and wife hauing liued as Idolaters among Idolaters,205 one of them being conuerted to the true faith, leaueth his abode among Idolaters, and goeth to the profeſſors of the true faith, but can by no meanes get the other partie to remoue: or when one of the true religion ſhall depart from another of the ſame profeſſion, and will by no meanes be brought to liue p. 216 with the partie ſo left, but openly manifeſteth peremptorie obſtinacie; the matter being heard and adiudged by the Magiſtrate, the mariage bond may be broken, and libertie giuen to the partie forſaken to mary another. But becauſe our Church hath no ſuch cuſtome, nor our law determined ſuch caſes, I leaue them to the cuſtome of other Churches.
- 202. Infidelis diſcedens in matrimonium peccare dignoſcitur: itaꝗ non eſt ei fides ſeruanda coniugij. Ambr. in 1 Cor. 7.
- 203. τὴν λύσιν ἐκεῖνος ποιεῖ. Phot. in 1 Cor. 7. Luth. de matrim. Calu. epiſt. 227. Beza in lib. de Diuort.
- 204. P. Martyr in 1 Cor. 7. 13. Melanct. in loc. de Coniug.
- 205. Zanchius de Oper. Dei lib. 4. cap. 1.
This Desertion is in the case of marriage so capital, as it202 freeth the innocent party from any further seeking after the other. In which respect the Apostle saith, If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, 1 Cor‸ 7:‸15. By bondage he meaneth matrimonial subjection (by reason whereof neither of the married persons have power of their own body, but one of the others.) Now they that are not under this bondage, are not bound to seek after it. That Desertion therefore on the delinquents203 part is such a dissolution of marriage, as freeth the innocent party from the bondage thereof. In many reformed Churches beyond the seas Desertion is accounted so far to dissolve the very bond of marriage, as liberty is given to the party forsaken to marry another: and it is also applied to other cases then that which is above mentioned: as when an204 Infidel, Idolater, or Heretic shall depart from one of the true religion for other causes then hatred of religion: or when both man and wife having lived as Idolaters among Idolaters,205 one of them being converted to the true faith, leaveth his abode among Idolaters, and goeth to the professors of the true faith, but can by no means get the other party to remove: or when one of the true religion shall depart from another of the same profession, and will by no means be brought to live with the party so left, but openly manifesteth peremptory obstinacy; the matter being heard and adjudged by the Magistrate, the marriage bond may be broken, and liberty given to the party forsaken to marry another. But because our Church hath no such custom, nor our law determined such cases, I leave them to the custom of other Churches.
- 202. Infidelis discedens in matrimonium peccare dignoscitur: itaque non est ei fides seruanda coniugij. Ambr. in 1 Cor‸ 7.
- 203. τὴν λύσιν ἐκεῖνος ποιεῖ. Phot. in 1 Cor‸ 7. Luth. de matrim. Calu. epist. 227. Beza in lib. de Diuort.
- 204. P. Martyr in 1 Cor‸ 7:‸13. Melanct. in loc. de Coniug.
- 205. Zanchius de Oper. Dei lib. 4. cap. 1.
§. 4. Of matrimoniall Chaſtitie.
§. 4. Of matrimonial Chastity.
The ſecond neceſſarie common-mutuall mariage-dutie is Matrimoniall chaſtitie. Chaſtitie in a large extent is taken for all manner of puritie in ſoule or body: in which reſpect the Apoſtle calleth the Church of God a chaſte virgin. But in the206 ſenſe wherein we here vſe it, it eſpecially appertaineth to the body: which is that vertue whereby we poſſeſſe our veſſels (to207 vſe the Apoſtles phraſe) in holineſſe and honour: or more plainly to our purpoſe, whereby we keepe our bodies vndefiled.
The second necessary common-mutual marriage-duty is Matrimonial chastity. Chastity in a large extent is taken for all manner of purity in soul or body: in which respect the Apostle calleth the Church of God a chaste virgin.206 But in the sense wherein we here use it, it especially appertaineth to the body: which is that virtue whereby we possess our vessels207 (to use the Apostles phrase) in holiness and honour: or more plainly to our purpose, whereby we keep our bodies undefiled.
Chaſtitie thus reſtrained to the body is of Single life.
Wedlocke.
Chastity thus restrained to the body is of
- Single life.
- Wedlock.
That of ſingle life is oppoſed to fornication: and it is either of ſuch as neuer were maried. Such an one was S. Paul, in which reſpect he wiſheth that all were as he, 1 Cor. 7. 7. Or of ſuch as are lawfully freed from the bond of mariage. Such an one the Apoſtle calleth208 a widow indeed. Chaſtitie of wedlocke is that vertue whereby parties maried, obſeruing the lawfull and honeſt vſe of mariage, keepe their bodies from being defiled with ſtrange fleſh: thus the Apoſtle commandeth wiues to be chaſte, Tit. 2. 5. So as209 they that keepe the lawes of wedlocke are as chaſte as they that containe.
That of single life is opposed to fornication: and it is either of such as never were married. Such an one was S. Paul, in which respect he wisheth that all were as he, 1 Cor‸ 7:‸7. Or of such as are lawfully freed from the bond of marriage. Such an one the Apostle calleth208 a widow indeed. Chastity of wedlock is that virtue whereby parties married, observing the lawful and honest use of marriage, keep their bodies from being defiled with strange flesh: thus the Apostle commandeth wives to be chaste, Titus 2:‸5. So as209 they that keep the laws of wedlock are as chaste as they that contain.
Here by the way note the dotage of our aduerſaries, who thinke there is no chaſtitie, but of ſingle perſons: whereupon in their ſpeeches and writings210 they oppoſe chaſtitie and matrimonie one to another, as two contraries.
- 210. Clerici caſtitatem profeſſi matrimonium contrahere non poſſunt. Concil. Trid. § 24. Can 9.
Here by the way note the dotage of our adversaries, who think there is no chastity, but of single persons: whereupon in their speeches and writings210 they oppose chastity and matrimony one to another, as two contraries.
- 210. Clerici castitatem professi matrimonium contrahere non possunt. Concil. Trid. §. 24. Can. 9.
Some of their holy Fathers and Popes, and thoſe not the leaſt learned, nor of worſt note among them, haue inferred by their arguments againſt Prieſts mariage, that Mariage is a liuing in the fleſh, a ſowing to the fleſh, a pollution of the fleſh. To that211 purpoſe S. Pauls aduice to man and wife to abſtaine, that they may giue themſelues to faſting and prayer, is vrged: but directly contrarie to the intent of the Apoſtle. For,
- 211. Siricius & Innocentius 3. Gratian. Decr. diſtinct. 31. 82. 1 Cor. 7. 5. [moved in the edition]
Some of their holy fathers and Popes, and those not the least learned, nor of worst note among them, have inferred by their arguments against Priests marriage, that marriage is a living in the flesh, a sowing to the flesh, a pollution of the flesh.211 To that purpose S. Paul’s advice to man and wife to abstain, that they may give themselves to fasting and prayer, is urged: but directly contrary to the intent of the Apostle. For,
- 211. Siricius & Innocentius 3. Gratian. Decr. distinct. 31. 82. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸5. [moved here by the editor]
p. 217 1. He ſpeaketh there of extraordinarie humiliation. 2. He interpoſeth this limitation, for a time. 3. He ſaith not ſimply, that ye may pray, but that ye may giue your ſelues. (or haue212 leaſure) to prayer: as if it did only hinder, but not pollute prayer.
- 212. σχολάζητε. Non dixit ſimpliciter vt oretis, ſed vt vacetis orationi: ac ſirem impediat, non coinquinet. Chryſ in 1 Cor. 7. hom. 19.
1. He speaketh there of extraordinary humiliation. 2. He interposeth this limitation, for a time. 3. He saith not simply, that ye may pray, but that ye may give your selves. (or have212 leisure) to prayer: as if it did only hinder, but not pollute prayer.
- 212. σχολάζητε. Non dixit simpliciter vt oretis, sed vt vacetis orationi: ac si rem impediat, non coinquinet. Chrys. in 1 Cor‸ 7. hom. 19.
But how can the forenamed ſpots and blots of mariage ſtand with that beautie and glorie wherewith the Apoſtle ſetteth it forth in theſe words, Mariage is honourable in all, Heb. 13. 4. If mariage were as Papiſts ſet it forth to be, the mariagebed were verie vnfitly called a bed vndefiled.
But how can the forenamed spots and blots of marriage stand with that beauty and glory wherewith the Apostle setteth it forth in these words, marriage is honourable in all, Heb‸ 13:‸4. If marriage were as Papists set it forth to be, the marriage-bed were very unfitly called a bed undefiled.
Behold how contrarie the ſpirits of S. Paul and of their Popes were. I wot well farre more contrarie then chaſtitie and matrimonie.
Behold how contrary the spirits of S. Paul and of their Popes were. I wot well far more contrary then chastity and matrimony.
But to returne to our matter, cleare it is, that maried perſons may be chaſte, and accordingly they ought to be chaſte. To which purpoſe the Apoſtle counſelling men and women, for auoiding fornication, to haue wiues and husbands, inſerteth this particle OWNE (Let euerie man haue his OWNE wife,213 and euerie woman haue her OWNE husband) whereby he implieth, that they ſhould not haue to doe with any other. That which214 Salomon expreſſeth of an husband, by the rule of relation muſt be applied to a wife. As the man muſt be ſatisfied at all times in his wife, and euen rauiſht with her loue; ſo muſt the woman be ſatisfied at all times in her husband, and euen rauiſht with his loue. By the like rule the precept giuen to wiues, to be chaſte, muſt husbands take as directed to themſelues215 alſo, and be chaſte. This dutie did Iſaak and Rebekah faithfully and mutually performe each to other.
But to return to our matter, clear it is, that married persons may be chaste, and accordingly they ought to be chaste. To which purpose the Apostle counselling men and women, for avoiding fornication, to have wives and husbands, inserteth this particle OWN (Let every man have his OWN wife,213 and every woman have her OWN husband) whereby he implieth, that they should not have to do with any other. That which214 Solomon expresseth of an husband, by the rule of relation must be applied to a wife. As the man must be satisfied at all times in his wife, and even ravished with her love; so must the woman be satisfied at all times in her husband, and even ravished with his love. By the like rule the precept given to wives, to be chaste,215 must husbands take as directed to themselves also, and be chaste. This duty did Isaac and Rebekah faithfully and mutually perform each to other.
1. It was one maine end, why mariage (eſpecially ſince the216 fall of man) was ordained, to liue chaſtely. This the Apoſtle implieth, where he ſaith, to auoid fornication, let euerie man haue his owne wife, and let euerie woman haue her owne huſband.217 And againe, If they cannot containe let them marrie.
2. By chaſtitie is a godly ſeed preſerued on earth. By this reaſon doth the Prophet Malachie inforce this dutie. For after he had ſaid, that the Lord made one, meaning of two one fleſh218 by mariage, he inferreth this exhortation, Therefore take heed to your ſpirit, and let none deale vnfaithfully againſt the wife of his youth.
- 218. 2. By chaſtitie a godly ſeed preſerued. Mal. 2. 16.
2. By chastity is a godly seed preserved on earth. By this reason doth the Prophet Malachy enforce this duty. For after he had said, that the Lord made one, meaning of two one flesh218 by marriage, he inferreth this exhortation, Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal unfaithfully against the wife of his youth.
- 218. 2. By chastity a godly seed preserved. Mal‸ 2:‸16.
p. 218 3. An eſpeciall part of the honour of mariage conſiſteth in219 chaſtitie: whereupon the Apoſtle hauing giuen this high commendation of mariage, that it is honourable in all, addeth this clauſe (and the bed vndefiled) to ſhew the reaſon of that honour. As if he had ſaid, Becauſe the mariage-bed is in it ſelfe a bed vndefiled, mariage is therefore in it ſelfe honourable, and doth ſo farre remaine honourable, as the bed remaineth vndefiled.
- 219. 3. Chaſtitie the honour of mariage. Heb. 13. 4.
3. An especial part of the honour of marriage consisteth in219 chastity: whereupon the Apostle having given this high commendation of marriage, that it is honourable in all, addeth this clause (and the bed undefiled) to show the reason of that honour. As if he had said, Because the marriage-bed is in it self a bed undefiled, marriage is therefore in it self honourable, and doth so far remain honourable, as the bed remaineth undefiled.
- 219. 3. Chastity the honour of marriage. Heb‸ 13:‸4.
§. 5. Of Adulterie.
§. 5. Of Adultery.
The vice contrarie to matrimoniall chaſtitie is Adulterie, one of the moſt capitall vices in that eſtate: a vice whereby way is made for Diuorce: as is cleare and euident by the determination of Chriſt himſelfe, concerning that point, firſt220 propounded in his ſermon on the mount, and againe221 repeated in his conference with the Phariſies, where condemning vniuſt diuorces, he excepteth the diuorce made for adulterie.
The vice contrary to matrimonial chastity is Adultery, one of the most capital vices in that estate: a vice whereby way is made for Divorce: as is clear and evident by the determination of Christ himself, concerning that point, first220 propounded in his sermon on the mount, and again221 repeated in his conference with the Pharisees, where condemning unjust divorces, he excepteth the divorce made for adultery.
§. 6. Of pardoning adulterie vpon repentance.
§. 6. Of pardoning adultery upon repentance.
Queſt. Seeing by adulterie iuſt cauſe of diuorce is giuen, may this fault vpon the repentance of the delinquent perſon be ſo forgiuen, as no diuorce be ſought by the innocent perſon, but both continue to liue together in wedlocke as before?
Quest. Seeing by adultery just cause of divorce is given, may this fault upon the repentance of the delinquent person be so forgiven, as no divorce be sought by the innocent person, but both continue to live together in wedlock as before?
Anſw. Though it be not meet in this caſe, to impoſe it as an inuiolable law vpon the innocent partie, to retaine the delinquent, becauſe of repentance (for we haue direct and ſtrict warrant for it) yet I doubt not but they may ſo doe, if they will, and that without iuſt exception to the contrarie, they ought ſo to doe. For the law of diuorce did not neceſſarily enioyne any to ſue out the bill, but only afforded them libertie to vſe that puniſhment if they ſaw cauſe. I doubt not but for warrant of this libertie, we may take Gods patterne, in retaining Churches and people after they haue committed ſpirituall adulterie: and Chriſts forgiuing the woman that had committed adulterie. For,223 Seeing Chriſt ſaid to an adult ereſſe, I condemne thee not, goe and ſinne no more, who cannot conceiue that an husband ought to p. 219 forgiue that which he ſeeth the Lord both of husband and wife hath forgiuen: and that he ought not to account her an adultereſſe, whoſe fault he beleeueth to be blotted out, by the mercie of God, vpon her repentance?
- 223. Poſtquam Chriſtus ait adulterae, nec ego te damnabo: vade, deinceps noli peccare, quis non intelligat, debere maritum ignoſcere quod videt ignouiſſe Dominum ambor um: nec iam ſe debere adulteram dicere cuius poenitentis crimen diuina credit miſeratione deletam? Aug. de adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 6. [moved in the edition]
Answ. Though it be not meet in this case, to impose it as an inviolable law upon the innocent party, to retain the delinquent, because of repentance (for we have no direct and strict warrant for it) yet I doubt not but they may so do, if they will, and that without just exception to the contrary, they ought so to do. For the law of divorce did not necessarily enjoin any to sue out the bill, but only afforded them liberty to use that punishment if they saw cause. I doubt not but for warrant of this liberty, we may take God’s pattern, in retaining Churches and people after they have committed spiritual adultery: and Christ’s forgiving the woman that had committed adultery. For, Seeing Christ said to an adulteress, I condemn thee not, go and sin no more, who cannot conceive that an husband ought to forgive that which he seeth the Lord both of husband and wife hath forgiven: and that he ought not to account her an adulteress, whose fault he believeth to be blotted out, by the mercy of God, upon her repentance?223
- 223. Postquam Christus ait adulterae, nec ego te damnabo: vade, deinceps noli peccare, quis non intelligat, debere maritum ignoscere quod videt ignouisse Dominum amborum: nec iam se debere adulteram dicere cuius poenitentis crimen diuina credit miseratione deletam? Aug. de adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 6. [moved here by the editor]
§. 7. Of the difference of adultery in a man, and in a wife.
§. 7. Of the difference of adultery in a man, and in a wife.
Anſw. Though the ancient Romans and Canoniſts haue aggrauated the womans fault in this kinde farre aboue the mans, and giuen the man more priuiledges then the woman, yet I ſee not how that difference in the ſinne can ſtand with the tenour of Gods word. I denie not but that more inconueniences may follow vpon the womans default then vpon the mans: as, greater infamy before men, worſe diſturbance225 of the family, more miſtaking of legitimate, or illegitimate children, with the like. The man cannot ſo well know which be his owne children, as the woman; he may take baſe children to be his owne, and ſo caſt the inheritance vpon them; and ſuſpect his owne to be baſely borne, and ſo depriue them of their patrimony. But the woman is freed from all ſuch miſtakings. Yet in regard of the breach of wedlocke, and tranſgreſſion againſt God, the ſinne of either partie is alike. Gods word maketh no diſparity betwixt them. At the beginning God ſaid of them both,226 they two ſhall be one fleſh: not the woman only with the man, but the man alſo with the woman is made one fleſh.227 Their power alſo ouer one another in this reſpect is alike. If on iuſt occaſion they abſtaine,228 it muſt be with mutuall conſent. If the husband leaue his wife,229 ſhe is as free, as he ſhould be, if ſhe left him. Accordingly the puniſhment230 which by Gods law was to be inflicted on Adulterers is the ſame, whether the man or the woman be the delinquent, (Deut. 22. 22.) If difference be made, it is meet that adulterous husbands be ſo much the more ſeuerely puniſhed, by how much the more it appertaineth to them to excell in vertue, and to gouerne their wiues by example.
Answ. Though the ancient Romans and Canonists have aggravated the woman’s fault in this kind far above the man’s, and given the man more privileges then the woman, yet I see not how that difference in the sin can stand with the tenor of God’s word. I deny not but that more inconveniences may follow upon the woman’s default then upon the man’s: as, greater infamy before men, worse disturbance225 of the family, more mistaking of legitimate, or illegitimate children, with the like. The man cannot so well know which be his own children, as the woman; he may take base children to be his own, and so cast the inheritance upon them; and suspect his own to be basely born, and so deprive them of their patrimony. But the woman is freed from all such mistakings. Yet in regard of the breach of wedlock, and transgression against God, the sin of either party is alike. God’s word maketh no disparity betwixt them. At the beginning God said of them both, they two shall be one flesh:226 not the woman only with the man, but the man also with the woman is made one flesh.227 Their power also over one another in this respect is alike. If on just occasion they abstain,228 it must be with mutual consent. If the husband leave his wife,229 she is as free, as he should be, if she left him. Accordingly the punishment230 which by God’s law was to be inflicted on Adulterers is the same, whether the man or the woman be the delinquent, (Deut‸ 22:‸22‸) If difference be made, it is meet that adulterous husbands be so much the more severely punished, by how much the more it appertaineth to them to excel in virtue, and to govern their wives by example.
- 225. More inconveniences of a woman’s adultery, then a man’s.
- 226. Matt 19:‸5. [moved here by the editor]
- 227. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸3, 4.
- 228. Vers. 5.
- 229. Vers. 15.
- 230. Tanto grauius viros puniri oportet, quanto magis ad eos pertinet & virtute vincere, & exemplo regere foeminas. Aug. de adult. Coniug. l. 2. c. 8.
§. 8. Of the hainouſneſſe of Adulterie.
§. 8. Of the heinousness of Adultery.
But to returne to the diſcouery of the hainouſneſſe of Adulterie, p. 220 I finde no ſinne thorowout the whole Scripture ſo notoriouſly in the ſeuerall colours thereof ſet forth, as it is. For beſides that it is231 by name forbidden in the Decalogue, it is further expreſly branded to be committed,
- 231. 7. Commandement.
But to return to the discovery of the heinousness of Adultery, I find no sin throughout the whole Scripture so notoriously in the several colours thereof set forth, as it is. For besides that it is231 by name forbidden in the Decalogue, it is further expressly branded to be committed,
- 231. 7. Commandment.
2. Againſt ones neighbour, as235 the partie with whom the ſinne is committed (for this ſinne cannot be committed ſingly by one alone) the husband and wife of each partie 236 who cannot reſt contented with any ſatisfaction) the237 children borne in adulterie (whom they brand with an indelible character of infamie, and depriue of many priuiledges that otherwiſe they might enioy) the238 alliance and friends of each partie (to whom the griefe and diſgrace of this foule ſinne reacheth) the whole family appertaining to either of them (for239 this is as a fire in an houſe) the towne, citie, and nation where ſuch vncleane birds rooſt (for240 all they lie open to the vengeance of God for this ſinne) and the very Church of God (the241 holy ſeed whereof is by this ſinne hindred)
2. Against ones neighbour, as235 the party with whom the sin is committed (for this sin cannot be committed singly by one alone) the husband and wife of each party236 (‸‸who cannot rest contented with any satisfaction) the children237 born in adultery (whom they brand with an indelible character of infamy, and deprive of many privileges that otherwise they might enjoy) the alliance238 and friends of each party (to whom the grief and disgrace of this foul sin reacheth) the whole family appertaining to either of them (for239 this is as a fire in an house) the town, city, and nation where such unclean birds roost (for240 all they lie open to the vengeance of God for this sin) and the very Church of God (the241 holy seed whereof is by this sin hindered).
1. By it husbands and wiues affection (which of all other ought to be the moſt inuiolable) is ſo alienated, as ſeldome it is reconciled againe.
1. By it husbands and wives affection (which of all other ought to be the most inviolable) is so alienated, as seldom it is reconciled again.
2. By it the goods of the family are much waſted: the adulterous husband ſpending that wherewith he ſhould prouide for his family, on his harlot: and the adulterous wife purloining what ſhe can from her husband.
2. By it the goods of the family are much wasted: the adulterous husband spending that wherewith he should provide for his family, on his harlot: and the adulterous wife purloining what she can from her husband.
3. By it husbands and wiues are ſtirred vp to wiſh, and long after one anothers death: and not only inwardly in heart to wiſh it, but outwardly alſo in deed to practiſe it.
3. By it husbands and wives are stirred up to wish, and long after one anothers death: and not only inwardly in heart to wish it, but outwardly also in deed to practise it.
4. If from this ſinne there ariſe not a gauling and terrifying p. 221 conſcience (as oft there doth) then (which is worſe) a ſeared conſcience, an hard heart, a reprobate ſenſe, and an impudent face.
4. If from this sin there arise not a galling and terrifying conscience (as oft there doth) then (which is worse) a seared conscience, an hard heart, a reprobate sense, and an impudent face.
Wherefore God accordingly deales with ſuch ſinners. In247 his ſoule248 he hateth them: by his word he hath denounced many fearefull iudgements againſt them, both in249 this world, and in250 the world to come (againſt no ſinne more.) This ſin is reckoned to be one of the moſt principall cauſes of the greateſt iudgements that euer were inflicted in the world: as of the251 generall deluge: of that252 fire and brimſtone which deſtroied Sodome and Gomorrah: of253 Canaans ſpuing out her Inhabitants: of that254 plague which deſtroied in one day 24000: and of the255 Iſraelites captiuitie, with the like: By all which we ſee that fearefull doome verified,256 Whoremongers, and adulterers God will iudge. Now conſider what257 a fearefull thing it is to fall into the hands of the liuing God.
Wherefore God accordingly deals with such sinners. In247 his soul248 he hateth them: by his word he hath denounced many fearful judgments against them, both in249 this world, and in250 the world to come (against no sin more.) This sin is reckoned to be one of the most principal causes of the greatest judgments that ever were inflicted in the world: as of the251 general deluge: of that252 fire and brimstone which destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah: of253 Canaan’s spewing out her Inhabitants: of that254 plague which destroyed in one day 24000: and of the255 Israelites captivity, with the like: By all which we see that fearful doom verified, Whoremongers, and adulterers God will judge.256 Now consider what257 a fearful thing it is to fall into the hands of the living God.
§. 9. Of remedies againſt Adulterie, and in particular of due beneuolence, and of defect or exceſſe therein.
§. 9. Of remedies against Adultery, and in particular of due benevolence, and of defect or excess therein.
For preuenting this hainous ſinne (to omit many other remedies which Gods word hath preſcribed, as258 a diligent keeping of the heart (that luſtfull thoughts proceed not from thence) of the259 eies (that they wander not on the beautie or properneſſe of any ones perſon, or on laſciuious pictures, or any other like allurements) of the260 eares (that they hearken not to any inticements of others) of the261 tongue (that it vtter no vnchaſte and corrupt communication) of the262 lips (that they delight not in wanton kiſſes) of the263 hands (that they vſe no wanton daliance) of the264 feet (that they carry thee not too neere to the place where adulterie may be committed) of thy265 company (that thou be not defiled with others wantonneſſe and vncleanneſſe) of thy266 diet (that it be not immoderate) of thine267 apparell (that it be not gariſh and laſciuious) of thy268 time (that it be not vainly and idly ſpent) to omit, I ſay, theſe and other like remedies.) One of the beſt remedies that can be preſcribed to maried perſons (next to an269 awfull feare of God, and a continuall ſetting of him before them, whereſoeuer they are) is, that husband and wife mutually delight each in other, and maintaine a pure and feruent loue betwixt p. 222 themſelues, yeelding that270 due beneuolence one to another which is warranted & ſanctified by Gods word, and ordained of God for this particular end. This due beneuolence (as the Apoſtle ſtileth it) is one of the moſt proper and eſſentiall acts of mariage: and neceſſary for the maine and principall ends thereof: as for preſeruation of chaſtitie in ſuch as haue not the gift of continency, for increaſing the world with a legitimate brood, and for linking the affections of the maried couple more firmely together. Theſe ends of mariage, at leaſt the two former, are made void without this duty be performed.
- 258. Pro. 6. 25.
- 259. Iob 31. 1. [moved in the edition]
- 260. Pro. 7. 21. [moved in the edition]
- 261. Epheſ. 5. 4. [moved in the edition]
- 262. Pro. 7. 13. [moved in the edition]
- 263. Pro. 6. 29. [moved in the edition]
- 264. Pro. 7. 25. [moved in the edition]
- 265. Epheſ. 5. 7. [moved in the edition]
- 266. Gen. 19. 33. [moved in the edition]
- 267. Ezek. 23. 6, 15, 40. [moved in the edition]
- 268. Gen. 39. 9. Pro. 2. 16. [moved in the edition]
- 269. Gen. 39. 9. Pro. 2. 16.
- 270. 1 Cor. 7. 2, 3, 5, 9. [moved in the edition]
For preventing this heinous sin (to omit many other remedies which God’s word hath prescribed, as258 a diligent keeping of the heart (that lustful thoughts proceed not from thence) of the eyes259 (that they wander not on the beauty or properness of any ones person, or on lascivious pictures, or any other like allurements) of the ears260 (that they hearken not to any enticements of others) of the tongue261 (that it utter no unchaste and corrupt communication) of the lips262 (that they delight not in wanton kisses) of the hands263 (that they use no wanton dalliance) of the feet264 (that they carry thee not too near to the place where adultery may be committed) of thy company265 (that thou be not defiled with others wantonness and uncleanness) of thy diet266 (that it be not immoderate) of thine apparel267 (that it be not garish and lascivious) of thy time268 (that it be not vainly and idly spent) to omit, I say, these and other like remedies.) One of the best remedies that can be prescribed to married persons (next to an269 awful fear of God, and a continual setting of him before them, wheresoever they are) is, that husband and wife mutually delight each in other, and maintain a pure and fervent love betwixt themselves, yielding that due benevolence270 one to another which is warranted & sanctified by God’s word, and ordained of God for this particular end. This due benevolence (as the Apostle styleth it) is one of the most proper and essential acts of marriage: and necessary for the main and principal ends thereof: as for preservation of chastity in such as have not the gift of continency, for increasing the world with a legitimate brood, and for linking the affections of the married couple more firmly together. These ends of marriage, at least the two former, are made void without this duty be performed.
- 258. Prov 6:‸25.
- 259. Job 31:‸1. [moved here by the editor]
- 260. Prov 7:‸21. [moved here by the editor]
- 261. Eph 5:‸4. [moved here by the editor]
- 262. Prov 7:‸13. [moved here by the editor]
- 263. Prov 6:‸29. [moved here by the editor]
- 264. Prov 7:‸25. [moved here by the editor]
- 265. Eph 5:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
- 266. Gen‸ 19:‸33. [moved here by the editor]
- 267. Ezek‸ 23:‸6, 15, 40. [moved here by the editor]
- 268. Gen‸ 39:‸9. Prov 2:‸16. [moved here by the editor]
- 269. Gen‸ 39:‸9. Prov 2:‸16.
- 270. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸2, 3, 5, 9. [moved here by the editor]
As it is called271 beneuolence becauſe it muſt be performed with good will and delight, willingly, readily and cheerefully; ſo it is ſaid to be272 due becauſe it is a debt which the wife oweth to her husband, and he to her.273 For the wife hath not the power of her owne body, but the husband; and likewiſe alſo the husband hath not the power of his owne body, but the wife.
As it is called271 benevolence because it must be performed with good will and delight, willingly, readily and cheerfully; so it is said to be272 due because it is a debt which the wife oweth to her husband, and he to her. For the wife hath not the power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his own body, but the wife.273
I haue my warrant from the Apoſtle to preſcribe this dutie as a remedie againſt adulterie. For274 to auoid fornication, he aduiſeth man and wife to render due beneuolence one to another. If then this queſtion be moued (How will mariage keep men and women from adulterie?) this anſwer out of the Apoſtles words may be giuen (by rendring due beneuolence:) which he further inculcateth by declaring the miſchiefe that may follow vpon the neglect of this dutie, namely275 a caſting of themſelues into the ſnares of Satan. Well might he preſſe this dutie to that end, becauſe no other meanes is of like force: nor faſting, nor watching, nor hard lodging, nor long trauell, nor much labour, nor cold, nor ſolitarineſſe, nor any thing elſe.276 Some that haue by theſe meanes endeuoured much to beat downe their bodies, and ſubdue luſt (but neglected the forenamed remedie) haue notwithſtanding felt luſt boiling in them.
I have my warrant from the Apostle to prescribe this duty as a remedy against adultery. For to avoid fornication,274 he adviseth man and wife to render due benevolence one to another. If then this question be moved (How will marriage keep men and women from adultery?) this answer out of the Apostles words may be given (by rendering due benevolence:) which he further inculcateth by declaring the mischief that may follow upon the neglect of this duty, namely a casting of themselves into the snares of Satan.275 Well might he press this duty to that end, because no other means is of like force: nor fasting, nor watching, nor hard lodging, nor long travel, nor much labour, nor cold, nor solitariness, nor any thing else.276 Some that have by these means endeavoured much to beat down their bodies, and subdue lust (but neglected the forenamed remedy) have notwithstanding felt lust boiling in them.
There are two extremes contrarie to this dutie. One in the defect: another in the exceſſe.
There are two extremes contrary to this duty. One in the defect: another in the excess.
Defect therein is, when in caſe of need it is not required, or being required by the one, it is not yeelded by the other. Modeſtie is pretended by ſome for not requiring it: but in a duty ſo warrantable and needfull, pretence of modeſty is (to ſpeake the leaſt) a ſigne of great infirmitie, and a cauſe of much iniquitie. p. 223 To denie this dutie being iuſtly required, is to denie a due debt, and to giue Satan great aduantage. The puniſhment inflicted on Onan, (Gen. 38. 9, 10.) ſheweth how great a wrong this is. From that puniſhment277 the Hebrews gather that this ſinne is a kinde of murther. It is ſo much the more hainous when hatred, ſtoutneſſe, niceneſſe, feare of hauing too many children, or any other like reſpects, are the cauſe thereof.
- 277. Hebraei inquiunt perinde vt homicidam reum eſſe qui temerè ſemen profundit. Merc. in Gen. 38. 9.
Defect therein is, when in case of need it is not required, or being required by the one, it is not yielded by the other. Modesty is pretended by some for not requiring it: but in a duty so warrantable and needful, pretence of modesty is (to speak the least) a sign of great infirmity, and a cause of much iniquity. To deny this duty being justly required, is to deny a due debt, and to give Satan great advantage. The punishment inflicted on Onan, (Gen‸ 38:‸9, 10‸) showeth how great a wrong this is. From that punishment277 the Hebrews gather that this sin is a kind of murder. It is so much the more heinous when hatred, stoutness, niceness, fear of having too many children, or any other like respects, are the cause thereof.
- 277. Hebraei inquiunt perinde vt homicidam reum esse qui temerè semen profundit. Merc. in Gen‸ 38:‸9.
Exceſſe is either in the meaſure, or in the time. In the meaſure, when husband or wife is inſatiable; prouoking, rather then aſſwaging luſt, and weakning their naturall vigor more then ſuppreſſing their vnnaturall humor. Many husbands and wiues are much oppreſſed by their bedfellowes vnſatiableneſſe in this kinde.
Excess is either in the measure, or in the time. In the measure, when husband or wife is insatiable; provoking, rather then assuaging lust, and weakening their natural vigor more then suppressing their unnatural humor. Many husbands and wives are much oppressed by their bedfellows unsatiableness in this kind.
In the time, when it is againſt Pietie, Mercy, or Modeſtie.
In the time, when it is against Piety, Mercy, or Modesty.
1. Againſt Pietie, when no day, nor dutie of Religion, no not extraordinarie daies, and duties of humiliation, will make them forbeare.278 The Prophets bidding the bridegroome and bride goe out of their chamber in the day of a Faſt, and279 the Apoſtles excepting of Praier and faſting, where he enioineth this dutie of due beneuolence, ſhew that in the time of a Faſt it muſt be forborne.
1. Against Piety, when no day, nor duty of Religion, no not extraordinary days, and duties of humiliation, will make them forbear.278 The Prophets bidding the bridegroom and bride go out of their chamber in the day of a Fast, and279 the Apostles excepting of Prayer and fasting, where he enjoineth this duty of due benevolence, show that in the time of a Fast it must be forborne.
2. Againſt Mercy, when one of the married couple being weake by ſickneſſe, paine, labour, trauell, or any other like meanes, and through that weakneſſe not well able to performe his dutie, the other notwithſtanding will haue it performed. I will haue mercy, and not ſacrifice, ſaith the Lord. Shall Gods ſacrifice giue place to mercy, and ſhall not mans or womans luſt? for ſo I may well terme this vnſeaſonable deſire.
2. Against Mercy, when one of the married couple being weak by sickness, pain, labour, travel, or any other like means, and through that weakness not well able to perform his duty, the other notwithstanding will have it performed. I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, saith the Lord. Shall God’s sacrifice give place to mercy, and shall not man’s or woman’s lust? For so I may well term this unseasonable desire.
Queſt. What if an husband or wife continue ſo long ſicke, or otherwiſe weake, as the other cannot containe?
Quest. What if an husband or wife continue so long sick, or otherwise weak, as the other cannot contain?
Anſw. In ſuch caſes of neceſſitie the body muſt be beaten owne, and earneſt praier made for the gift of continency: for assuredly the Lord who hath brought thee to that neceſſitie, all giue thee grace ſufficient.
Answ. In such cases of necessity the body must be beaten down, and earnest prayer made for the gift of continency: for assuredly the Lord who hath brought thee to that necessity, will give thee grace sufficient.
3. Againſt Modeſty,280 when husbands require this duty in that me, which vnder the Law was called the time of a wiues ſeparation for her diſeaſe (Leu. 15. 19. &c.) For what can be expected from ſuch polluted copulation, but a leprous and loathſome p. 224 generation? This kinde of intemperancie is expreſly forbidden (Leuit. 18. 19.) and a capitall puniſhment inflicted on ſuch as offended therein (Leuit. 20. 18.) Abſtinence in this time is ſet in the catalogue of thoſe notes which declare a man to be righteous (Eccleſ. 20. 7.) and the contrary intemperancy is put in the roll of ſuch abominations as prouoked God to ſpue out the Canaanits (Leuit. 18. 28.) and to forſake his owne inheritance (Ezek. 22. 10.)
- 280. Quo tempore ſi vir coierit cū muliere, dicuntur concepti foetus vitium ſeminis tral ere: ita vt leproſi & elephantiaci ex hac conceptione naſcantur. Hier. in Lam. 1.
3. Against Modesty,280 when husbands require this duty in that time, which under the Law was called the time of a wives separation for her disease (Lev‸ 15:‸19‸ etc‸.) For what can be expected from such polluted copulation, but a leprous and loathsome generation? This kind of intemperancy is expressly forbidden (Lev 18:‸19‸) and a capital punishment inflicted on such as offended therein (Lev 20:‸18‸) Abstinence in this time is set in the catalogue of those notes which declare a man to be righteous (Ezek ‸‸ ‸18:6) and the contrary intemperancy is put in the roll of such abominations as provoked God to spew out the Canaanites (Lev 18:‸28‸) and to forsake his own inheritance (Ezek‸ 22:‸10‸)
- 280. Quo tempore si vir coierit cum muliere, dicuntur concepti foetus vitium seminis trahere: ita vt leprosi & elephantiaci ex hac conceptione nascantur. Hier. in Lam. 1.
To this kinde of intemperancie281 ſome referre a mans knowing of his wife after ſhe hath conceiued with childe. But I finde no ſuch matter condemned in Gods word: neither dare I make that a ſinne which is not there condemned.282 Certaine Sectaries among the Iewes are branded for this error.
1. Obiect. No other creature will ſo doe: ſo as it may ſeeme to be againſt nature.
1. Object. No other creature will so do: so as it may seem to be against nature.
Anſw. 1. I denie the argument: though ſome forbeare, yet all doe not.
Answ. 1. I deny the argument: though some forbear, yet all do not.
2. I denie the conſequence: for other creatures are not ſo tied one male to one female, as an husband to his owne wife.283 Beſides, that which beaſts by nature are tied vnto, muſt be left to mans diſcretion.
- 283. Quod in beſtijs ipſo naturae iure praeſcriptū eſt, vt praegnantes ad partum vſꝗ non coeant, hoc in hominibus ſciant arbitrio relictum. Hier. in Eph. 5. Sanchez de Matr. lib. 9. diſp. 21, 22. agit de petendo & reddendo debito quando menſtruum eſt: & tempore praegnationis, & dū infans lactatur.
2. I deny the consequence: for other creatures are not so tied one male to one female, as an husband to his own wife.283 Besides, that which beasts by nature are tied unto, must be left to man’s discretion.
- 283. Quod in bestijs ipso naturae iure praescriptum est, vt praegnantes ad partum vsque non coeant, hoc in hominibus sciant arbitrio relictum. Hier. in Eph. 5. Sanchez de Matr. lib. 9. disp. 21, 22. agit de petendo & reddendo debito quando menstruum est: & tempore praegnationis, & dum infans lactatur.
2. Obiect. After a woman hath once conceiued, no more conceptions can be expected, till ſhe be deliuered.
2. Object. After a woman hath once conceived, no more conceptions can be expected, till she be delivered.
Anſw. Conception is not the only end of this dutie: for it is to be rendred to ſuch as are barren.
Answ. Conception is not the only end of this duty: for it is to be rendered to such as are barren.
Queſt. What if the wife giue ſucke to her childe, ought not her husband then to forbeare?
Quest. What if the wife give suck to her child, ought not her husband then to forbear?
Anſw. Becauſe giuing ſucke is a mother dutie, man ought to doe what he can to containe.
Answ. Because giving suck is a mother duty, man ought to do what he can to contain.
Living Together in Love
Living Together in Love
§. 10. Of mutuall loue betwixt man and wife.
§. 10. Of mutual love betwixt man and wife.
Hitherto of thoſe common mutuall duties which tend to the preſeruation of the very being of mariage, and are in that reſpect abſolutely neceſſarie. The other common mutuall duties (though they be not of ſo abſolute neceſſitie as the former) are in their kinde neceſſary for the good eſtate of mariage, and for the better preſeruing of that knot: ſo as, if they be not performed, the end and right vſe of mariage will be peruerted, & that eſtate made vncomfortable, & very burdenſome. p. 225 The firſt of theſe is Loue. A louing mutuall affection muſt paſſe betwixt husband and wife, or elſe no dutie will be well performed: this is the ground of all the reſt. In ſome reſpects Loue is proper and peculiar to an husband, as284 I purpoſe to ſhew when I come to ſpeake of an husbands particular duties. But Loue is alſo required of wiues, and they are commanded to be louers of their husbands, as well as husbands to loue their wiues:285 ſo as it is a common mutuall dutie belonging to husband and wife too: and that is true wedlocke, when man and wife are linked together by the bond of loue. Vnder loue all other duties286 are compriſed: for without it no dutie can be well performed.287 Loue is the fulfilling of the Law, that is, the very life of all thoſe duties which the law requireth. It is the288 bond of perfection, which bindeth together all thoſe duties that paſſe betwixt partie and partie. Where loue aboundeth, there all duties will readily and cheerefully be performed. Where loue is wanting, there euery duty will either be altogether neglected, or ſo careleſly performed, that as good not be performed at all: in which reſpect the Apoſtle willeth, that all things be done289 in loue. Loue as it prouoketh the partie in whom it ruleth to doe all the good it can; ſo it ſtirreth vp the partie loued to repay good for good. It is like fire, which is not only hot in it ſelfe, but alſo conueigheth heat into that which is neere it: whence ariſeth a reflection of heat from one to another. Note how admirably this is ſet forth betwixt Chriſt and his Spouſe in the Song of Salomon: and it is further manifeſted in the examples of all good husbands and wiues noted in the Scripture: they did mutually beare a very louing affection one to another.
Hitherto of those common mutual duties which tend to the preservation of the very being of marriage, and are in that respect absolutely necessary. The other common mutual duties (though they be not of so absolute necessity as the former) are in their kind necessary for the good estate of marriage, and for the better preserving of that knot: so as, if they be not performed, the end and right use of marriage will be perverted, & that estate made uncomfortable, & very burdensome. The first of these is love. A loving mutual affection must pass betwixt husband and wife, or else no duty will be well performed: this is the ground of all the rest. In some respects love is proper and peculiar to an husband, as284 I purpose to show when I come to speak of an husbands particular duties. But love is also required of wives, and they are commanded to be lovers of their husbands, as well as husbands to love their wives:285 so as it is a common mutual duty belonging to husband and wife too: and that is true wedlock, when man and wife are linked together by the bond of love. Under love all other duties286 are comprised: for without it no duty can be well performed. Love is the fulfilling of the Law,287 that is, the very life of all those duties which the law requireth. It is the bond of perfection,288 which bindeth together all those duties that pass betwixt party and party. Where love aboundeth, there all duties will readily and cheerfully be performed. Where love is wanting, there every duty will either be altogether neglected, or so carelessly performed, that as good not be performed at all: in which respect the Apostle willeth, that all things be done289 in love. Love as it provoketh the party in whom it ruleth to do all the good it can; so it stirreth up the party loved to repay good for good. It is like fire, which is not only hot in it self, but also conveyeth heat into that which is near it: whence ariseth a reflection of heat from one to another. Note how admirably this is set forth betwixt Christ and his Spouse in the Song of Solomon: and it is further manifested in the examples of all good husbands and wives noted in the Scripture: they did mutually bear a very loving affection one to another.
Though loue be a general duty which euery one oweth to another,290 euen to his enemie, yet the neerer that God hath linked any together, the more are they bound to this dutie, and the more muſt they abound therein. But of all others are291 man and wife moſt neerely and firmly linked together. Of all others therefore are they moſt bound hereunto, & that in the higheſt degree that may be, euen like to Ionathans loue, who loued Dauid292 as his owne ſoule. Salomon ſaith, He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth fauour of the Lord: which by the p. 226 rule of relation is alſo true of an husband, Shee that findeth an husband findeth a good thing, and obtaineth fauour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an eſpeciall pledge of Gods fauour, and in this reſpect aboue all others vnder God to be loued. If this be the ground (as it ought to be) of their mutuall293 loue, their loue will be feruent and conſtant. Neither will the want, or withering of any outward allurements, as beautie, perſonage, parentage, friends, riches, honours, or the like, with-hold or with-draw, extinguiſh or extenuate their loue: neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wiues draw their hearts from their owne to thoſe other: nor yet will the loue of a former yoake-fellow dead and gone, any whit leſſen the loue of the liuing mate.
Though love be a general duty which every one oweth to another,290 even to his enemy, yet the nearer that God hath linked any together, the more are they bound to this duty, and the more must they abound therein. But of all others are291 man and wife most nearly and firmly linked together. Of all others therefore are they most bound hereunto, & that in the highest degree that may be, even like to Jonathan’s love, who loved David292 as his own soul. Solomon saith, He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord: which by the rule of relation is also true of an husband, She that findeth an husband findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an especial pledge of God’s favour, and in this respect above all others under God to be loved. If this be the ground (as it ought to be) of their mutual293 love, their love will be fervent and constant. Neither will the want, or withering of any outward allurements, as beauty, personage, parentage, friends, riches, honours, or the like, with-hold or with-draw, extinguish or extenuate their love: neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wives draw their hearts from their own to those other: nor yet will the love of a former yoke-fellow dead and gone, any whit lessen the love of the living mate.
This inſtance I haue the rather mentioned, becauſe in many,294 who are farre from ſetting their affection on ſtrange fleſh, their loue of a former husband or wife departed is ſo faſt fixed in their heart, as they can neuer againe ſo intirely loue any other. They who are ſo minded are not fit to be ioined with another yoke-fellow after they are looſed from one. If they mary againe, and manifeſt ſuch a minde, they plainly ſhew that they reſpect this or that perſon more then Gods ordinance. By Gods ordinance man and wife are no longer bound one to another then they liue together. Death is an abſolute diremption, and maketh an vtter diſſolution of the mariage bond. If the man295 be dead, the wife is deliuered from the law of the man, ſo as ſhee may take another man. Which liberty is alſo giuen to the man. Being now free, if they mary another (that other being now a true husband or wife) their loue muſt be as intire to that other as it was to the former: yea, and more intire, if there were any defect in the former. For as children maried out of their parents houſe muſt not retaine ſuch a loue of their parents as ſhall ſwallow vp their loue of the partie to whom they are maried, but muſt according to the law, leaue father and p. 227 mother, and cleaue to their yoke-fellow: ſo neither muſt the loue of a former husband or wife be predominant when they are maried to another. This other muſt be as cloſe cleaued vnto, as if they had neuer beene ioined to a former. The liuing husband or wife is the preſent pledge of Gods fauour. He is now thine owne husband: and ſhe is now thine owne wife: and not the partie that is dead. I denie not but the memorie of a vertuous husband or wife ought to be pretious to the ſuruiuing partie: for the memoriall of the iust is bleſſed.296 But as the vertue of a perſon deceaſed may not be buried with the dead corps: ſo neither may the perſon be kept aboue ground with the memorie of his or her vertue: which after a ſort is done, when loue of the partie deceaſed either taketh away, or extenuateth the loue of the liuing. This is to giue dominion to the dead ouer the liuing: which is more then the law enioyneth.
This instance I have the rather mentioned, because in many,294 who are far from setting their affection on strange flesh, their love of a former husband or wife departed is so fast fixed in their heart, as they can never again so entirely love any other. They who are so minded are not fit to be joined with another yoke-fellow after they are loosed from one. If they marry again, and manifest such a mind, they plainly show that they respect this or that person more then God’s ordinance. By God’s ordinance man and wife are no longer bound one to another then they live together. Death is an absolute diremption, and maketh an utter dissolution of the marriage bond. If the man295 be dead, the wife is delivered from the law of the man, so as she may take another man. Which liberty is also given to the man. Being now free, if they marry another (that other being now a true husband or wife) their love must be as entire to that other as it was to the former: yea, and more entire, if there were any defect in the former. For as children married out of their parents house must not retain such a love of their parents as shall swallow up their love of the party to whom they are married, but must according to the law, leave father and mother, and cleave to their yoke-fellow: so neither must the love of a former husband or wife be predominant when they are married to another. This other must be as close cleaved unto, as if they had never been joined to a former. The living husband or wife is the present pledge of God’s favour. He is now thine own husband: and she is now thine own wife: and not the party that is dead. I deny not but the memory of a virtuous husband or wife ought to be precious to the surviving party: for the memorial of the just is blessed.296 But as the virtue of a person deceased may not be buried with the dead corpse: so neither may the person be kept above ground with the memory of his or her virtue: which after a sort is done, when love of the party deceased either taketh away, or extenuateth the love of the living. This is to give dominion to the dead over the living: which is more then the law enjoineth.
§. 11. Of husbands and wiues mutuall hatred contrary to loue.
§. 11. Of husbands and wives mutual hatred contrary to love.
There is a generation of ſo crabbed and crooked a diſpoſition297 as they cannot loue, but rather hate one another becauſe they are man and wife: for many husbands hauing wiues, and wiues husbands euery way worthy to be loued, will notwithſtanding ſay to the aſtoniſhment of the hearers, I haue indeed a good husband, or I haue a good wife: but I cannot loue him, or I cannot loue her: and being demanded a reaſon, ſticke not openly and impudently to reply, I thinke I could loue him if he were not mine husband, or I thinke I could loue her if ſhe were not my wife. O more then monſtrous impudencie! Is not this directly to oppoſe againſt Gods ordinance, and againſt that order which he hath ſet betwixt man and woman? Is it not to trample vnder foot Gods fauour? Though there were nothing elſe to moue loue but this, that ſuch an one is thine huſband, or ſuch an one is thy wife, yet this ſhould be motiue enough. And ſhall this be the ground of thine hatred? Aſſuredly ſuch a ſpirit is a plaine diabolicall ſpirit, contrary to that ſpirit which is from aboue; and if it be not p. 228 caſt out, it will caſt thoſe whom it poſſeſſeth into the fire of hell.
- 297. * See Treat. 3. § 8. & Treat. 4. §. 10.
There is a generation of so crabbed and crooked a disposition297 as they cannot love, but rather hate one another because they are man and wife: for many husbands having wives, and wives husbands every way worthy to be loved, will notwithstanding say to the astonishment of the hearers, I have indeed a good husband, or I have a good wife: but I cannot love him, or I cannot love her: and being demanded a reason, stick not openly and impudently to reply, I think I could love him if he were not mine husband, or I think I could love her if she were not my wife. O more then monstrous impudency! Is not this directly to oppose against God’s ordinance, and against that order which he hath set betwixt man and woman? Is it not to trample under foot God’s favour? Though there were nothing else to move love but this, that such an one is thine husband, or such an one is thy wife, yet this should be motive enough. And shall this be the ground of thine hatred? Assuredly such a spirit is a plain diabolical spirit, contrary to that spirit which is from above; and if it be not cast out, it will cast those whom it possesseth into the fire of hell.
- 297. ‸ See Treat. 3. §. 8. & Treat. 4. §. 10.
§. 12. Of mutuall peace betwixt Man and Wife.
§. 12. Of mutual peace betwixt Man and Wife.
Among other meanes of maintaining an inward louing affection betwixt man and wife, outward mutuall peace, concord, and agreement is one of the principall. Whereupon the Apoſtle exhorteth to keepe the vnitie of the ſpirit in the bond of298 peace: for peace is a bond that tieth one to another, and maketh them to be as one, euen one in ſpirit: as on the contrary ſide outward diſcord diſunites mens ſpirits. We are enioined to follow peace with all men: how much more of all perſons ought299 husbands to haue peace with their wiues, and wiues with their husbands? they are neerer then brothers and ſiſters. Behold then how good and pleaſant a thing it is for them to dwell together in vnity.300 Dwell together they muſt: but without peace there is no dwelling together: It is better to dwell in a corner of the houſe top then with a contentious woman in a wide houſe. Perſons at variance were farre better be out of ſight and place, then preſent together. Out of ſight and place man and wife muſt not be, at peace therefore301 they muſt be. Mutuall peace betwixt them is a great refreſhing to their mindes, being beaten with the diſcords of others. It is ſaid that a wife is in this reſpect as an hauen to man (how much more man to his wife?) If the hauen be calme, and free from ſtormes and tempeſts, what a refreſhing will it be to the Mariner that hath beene toſſed in the ſea with windes and waues?
Among other means of maintaining an inward loving affection betwixt man and wife, outward mutual peace, concord, and agreement is one of the principal. Whereupon the Apostle exhorteth to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of298 peace: for peace is a bond that tieth one to another, and maketh them to be as one, even one in spirit: as on the contrary side outward discord disunites men’s spirits. We are enjoined to follow peace with all men:299 how much more of all persons ought husbands to have peace with their wives, and wives with their husbands? They are nearer then brothers and sisters. Behold then how good and pleasant a thing it is for them to dwell together in unity.300 Dwell together they must: but without peace there is no dwelling together: It is better to dwell in a corner of the house top then with a contentious woman in a wide house. Persons at variance were far better be out of sight and place, then present together. Out of sight and place man and wife must not be, at peace therefore301 they must be. Mutual peace betwixt them is a great refreshing to their minds, being beaten with the discords of others. It is said that a wife is in this respect as an haven to man (how much more man to his wife?) If the haven be calm, and free from storms and tempests, what a refreshing will it be to the Mariner that hath been tossed in the sea with winds and waves?
For maintaining peace,
For maintaining peace,
3. If both be incenſed together, the fire is like to be the p. 229 greater: with the greater ſpeed therefore muſt they both labour to put it out. Wrath muſt not lie in bed with two ſuch306 bed-fellowes: neither may they part beds for wrath ſake. That this fire may be the ſooner quenched, they muſt both ſtriue firſt to offer reconciliation. Theirs is the glory who doe firſt begin, for they are moſt properly the bleſſed peacemakers. Not307 to accept peace when it is offered is more then heatheniſh: but when wrath is incenſed, to ſeeke atonement is the dutie of a Chriſtian, and a grace that commeth from aboue.
3. If both be incensed together, the fire is like to be the greater: with the greater speed therefore must they both labour to put it out. Wrath must not lie in bed306 with two such bed-fellows: neither may they part beds for wrath sake. That this fire may be the sooner quenched, they must both strive first to offer reconciliation. Theirs is the glory who do first begin, for they are most properly the blessed peacemakers.307 Not to accept peace when it is offered is more then heathenish: but when wrath is incensed, to seek atonement is the duty of a Christian, and a grace that cometh from above.
5. They muſt forbeare to twit one another in the teeth309 with the husbands or wiues of other perſons: or with their owne former husbands or wiues (in caſe they haue had any before.) Compariſons in this kinde are very odious. They ſtir vp much paſſion, and cauſe great contentions.
- 309. 5. Make not compariſons.
5. They must forbear to twit one another in the teeth309 with the husbands or wives of other persons: or with their own former husbands or wives (in case they have had any before.) Comparisons in this kind are very odious. They stir up much passion, and cause great contentions.
- 309. 5. Make not comparisons.
6. Aboue all they muſt take heed of raſh and vniuſt iealouſie,310 which is the bane of mariage, and greateſt cauſe of diſcontent that can be giuen betwixt man and wife. Iealous perſons are ready to picke quarrels, and to ſeeke occaſions of diſcord: they will take euery word, looke, action, and motion, in the worſe part, and ſo take offence where none is giuen. When iealouſie is once kindled, it is as a flaming fire that can hardly be put out. It maketh the partie whom it poſſeſſeth implacable.311
6. Above all they must take heed of rash and unjust jealousy,310 which is the bane of marriage, and greatest cause of discontent that can be given betwixt man and wife. Jealous persons are ready to pick quarrels, and to seek occasions of discord: they will take every word, look, action, and motion, in the worse part, and so take offence where none is given. When jealousy is once kindled, it is as a flaming fire that can hardly be put out.311 It maketh the party whom it possesseth implacable.
7. In all things that may ſtand with a good conſcience they muſt endeuour to pleaſe one another: and either of312 them ſuffer their owne will to be croſſed, rather then diſcontent to be giuen to the other. Saint Paul noteth this as a common313 mutuall dutie belonging to them both, and expreſſeth their care thereof vnder a word that ſignifieth more then ordinarie314 care, and implieth a diuiding of the minde into diuers thoughts, caſting this way, and that way, and euery way how to giue beſt content.
7. In all things that may stand with a good conscience they must endeavour to please one another: and either of312 them suffer their own will to be crossed, rather then discontent to be given to the other. Saint Paul noteth this as a common313 mutual duty belonging to them both, and expresseth their care thereof under a word that signifieth more then ordinary314 care, and implieth a dividing of the mind into divers thoughts, casting this way, and that way, and every way how to give best content.
§. 13. Of contentions betwixt man and wife.
§. 13. Of contentions betwixt man and wife.
Contrary to mutuall peace are contentions betwixt man and wife: which are too frequent in moſt families, and by which315 the common good is much hindered. Diſcord betwixt man and wife in an houſe is as contention betwixt the maſter and pilot in a ſhip: may not great danger, and much miſchiefe be thence iuſtly feared? We heard before that man to his wife, and ſhe to him, is as an hauen. Now by experience we finde that if the hauen be tempeſtuous it is much more troubleſome, and dangerous to the Mariner then the wide ſea. Wherefore let man and wife be of the ſame minde one to another as Abraham was to Lot, and when occaſions of diſcord are offered, ſay, Let there be no ſtrife betwixt thee and me, for we are man and wife: no more two, but one fleſh.
- 315. Cùm vir & vxor domi diſſentiunt, nihilo melius naui iactata domus illa diſponitur, cùm gubernator aduerſus prorae directo. rem diſſentiat. Chryſ. loc. citat. Gen. 13. 8.
Contrary to mutual peace are contentions betwixt man and wife: which are too frequent in most families, and by which315 the common good is much hindered. Discord betwixt man and wife in an house is as contention betwixt the master and pilot in a ship: may not great danger, and much mischief be thence justly feared? We heard before that man to his wife, and she to him, is as an haven. Now by experience we find that if the haven be tempestuous it is much more troublesome, and dangerous to the Mariner then the wide sea. Wherefore let man and wife be of the same mind one to another as Abraham was to Lot, and when occasions of discord are offered, say, Let there be no strife betwixt thee and me, for we are man and wife: no more two, but one flesh.
- 315. Cùm vir & vxor domi dissentiunt, nihilo melius naui iactata domus illa disponitur, cùm gubernator aduersus prorae directorem dissentiat. Chrys. loc. citat. Gen‸ 13:‸8.
§. 14. Of husbands and wiues dwelling together.
§. 14. Of husbands and wives dwelling together.
From a mutuall affection of loue proceedeth a mutuall prouident care in husband and wife one for another. In handling whereof we will firſt note the meanes whereby their mutuall prouidence may be the better effected and manifeſted, and then the matter whereabout it muſt be conuerſant. The meanes in one word is cohabitation. For a dutie it is that man and wife dwell together. The phraſe vſed in ſetting out the womans creation (he built a woman, whereby the erecting of316 a family is intimated) implieth as much: ſo doth the law of mariage whereby man is enioyned to leaue father and mother, and to cleaue vnto his wife, that is, to goe out of his fathers houſe, and to dwell with his wife: and ſo doth this phraſe (forget317 thy fathers houſe) taken from the dutie of a wife, and myſtically applied to the Church. Saint Peter expreſly chargeth huſbands318 to dwell with their wiues: and Saint Paul layeth it to319 the charge both of husbands and wiues not to leaue one another, but to dwell together, yea though the one be an infidell. Surely it was conſcience of this dutie which made the320 Leuite to goe after his wife, that went away from him, to bring her home againe: and which made321 Iaakobs wiues to leaue their fathers houſe, and goe with their husband.322 The word vnder which Saint Peter compriſeth this dutie is a title appropriated to an husband: and an anſwerable title is appropriated to p. 231 a wife: from which the notation of our two vſuall Engliſh words (husband, houſewife) doth not much differ.
From a mutual affection of love proceedeth a mutual provident care in husband and wife one for another. In handling whereof we will first note the means whereby their mutual providence may be the better effected and manifested, and then the matter whereabout it must be conversant. The means in one word is cohabitation. For a duty it is that man and wife dwell together. The phrase used in setting out the woman’s creation (he built a woman, whereby the erecting of316 a family is intimated) implieth as much: so doth the law of marriage whereby man is enjoined to leave father and mother, and to cleave unto his wife, that is, to go out of his fathers house, and to dwell with his wife: and so doth this phrase (forget317 thy fathers house) taken from the duty of a wife, and mystically applied to the Church. Saint Peter expressly chargeth husbands318 to dwell with their wives: and Saint Paul layeth it to319 the charge both of husbands and wives not to leave one another, but to dwell together, yea though the one be an infidel. Surely it was conscience of this duty which made the320 Levite to go after his wife, that went away from him, to bring her home again: and which made Jacob’s321 wives to leave their fathers house, and go with their husband.322 The word under which Saint Peter compriseth this duty is a title appropriated to an husband: and an answerable title is appropriated to a wife: from which the notation of our two usual English words (husband, housewife) doth not much differ.
The power which the one hath of the others body, and323 the aduantage which by liuing aſunder, they giue vnto Satan, (both of which are expreſly noted, 1 Cor. 7. 4, 5.) doe ſhew the neceſſity of this dutie: and the many benefits ariſing from thence doe further preſſe the equity of it. By husbands and324 wiues dwelling together all mariage duties are better performed: mutuall loue is better bred, preſerued, and increaſed: the good gifts of either of them are better obſerued by the other: better helpe and ſuccour is mutually by each afforded to the other: and in fine they are made more capable of doing good one to another, and of receiuing good one from another. Why then ſhould they haue any minde of liuing aſunder, vnleſſe they be forced by extraordinary occaſions, as captiuity, cloſe impriſonment, contagious ſickneſſe, and ſuch like, which are no faults of theirs, but croſſes to be borne with griefe; and inſtant praier, together with all other good meanes, to be vſed to bring them together againe? Yea if the impriſonment, baniſhment, or other like kinde of abſence,325 be ſuch as one may if they will come at the other, the partie that is free ought to come to the other, if at leaſt that other require it.
The power which the one hath of the others body, and323 the advantage which by living asunder, they give unto Satan, (both of which are expressly noted, 1 Cor‸ 7:‸4, 5‸) do show the necessity of this duty: and the many benefits arising from thence do further press the equity of it. By husbands and324 wives dwelling together all marriage duties are better performed: mutual love is better bred, preserved, and increased: the good gifts of either of them are better observed by the other: better help and succour is mutually by each afforded to the other: and in fine they are made more capable of doing good one to another, and of receiving good one from another. Why then should they have any mind of living asunder, unless they be forced by extraordinary occasions, as captivity, close imprisonment, contagious sickness, and such like, which are no faults of theirs, but crosses to be borne with grief; and instant prayer, together with all other good means, to be used to bring them together again? Yea if the imprisonment, banishment, or other like kind of absence,325 be such as one may if they will come at the other, the party that is free ought to come to the other, if at least that other require it.
§. 15. Of the reſpects for which man and wife may for a time liue aſunder.
§. 15. Of the respects for which man and wife may for a time live asunder.
Queſt. May there be any iuſt cauſes for man and wife willingly to liue aſunder?
Quest. May there be any just causes for man and wife willingly to live asunder?
1. Weighty and vrgent affaires which concerne the good of the Church, or commonwealth: as when a man is ſent forth to warre, or on an ambaſſage (in which caſe though he may take his wife with him, yet is he not neceſſarily bound there to, eſpecially if the place whither he is ſent be farre off, the paſſage thereto difficult and dangerous, and his abode there not long.) When327 Reuben, Gad, and halfe the tribe of Manaſſch paſſed ouer Iorden to helpe their brethren in their battels p. 232 againſt the Canaanites, they left their wiues behinde them in their families:328 when Vriah went to warre, he left his wife at home: and329 when Moſes was to bring Iſrael out of Egypt, his wife remained at her fathers houſe.
1. Weighty and urgent affairs which concern the good of the Church, or commonwealth: as when a man is sent forth to war, or on an ambassage (in which case though he may take his wife with him, yet is he not necessarily bound thereto, especially if the place whither he is sent be far off, the passage thereto difficult and dangerous, and his abode there not long.) When Reuben, Gad,327 and half the tribe of Manasseh passed over Jordan to help their brethren in their battles against the Canaanites, they left their wives behind them in their families:328 when Uriah went to war, he left his wife at home: and329 when Moses was to bring Israel out of Egypt, his wife remained at her fathers house.
2. Maine duties of their particular calling: as of Mariners, who are oft to be on the ſea: Merchants who trade in other countries: Lawyers who attend publike places of iuſtice: Courtiers, who in their months, or quarters, attend their Prince: Keepers of women in child-bed, and ſicke perſons: and other nurſes.
2. Main duties of their particular calling: as of Mariners, who are oft to be on the sea: Merchants who trade in other countries: Lawyers who attend public places of justice: Courtiers, who in their months, or quarters, attend their Prince: Keepers of women in child-bed, and sick persons: and other nurses.
Prouided alwaies that in theſe, and other like caſes, there be330 a ioynt and mutuall conſent of both parties: for if man and wife may not defraud one another for a time to giue themſelues to faſting and praier without conſent: much leſſe may they for lighter occaſions liue any time aſunder without331 conſent. Prouided alſo that they take no delight to liue aſunder, but rather be grieued that they are forced ſo to doe: and in teſtimony thereof to take all occaſions that they can to manifeſt their longing deſire one after another by letters, meſſages, tokens, and other like kindneſſes: and to returne with all the ſpeed they can. No diſtance, or abſence ought any whit to diminiſh their mutuall loue.
Provided always that in these, and other like cases, there be330 a joint and mutual consent of both parties: for if man and wife may not defraud one another for a time to give themselves to fasting and prayer without consent: much less may they for lighter occasions live any time asunder without331 consent. Provided also that they take no delight to live asunder, but rather be grieved that they are forced so to do: and in testimony thereof to take all occasions that they can to manifest their longing desire one after another by letters, messages, tokens, and other like kindnesses: and to return with all the speed they can. No distance, or absence ought any whit to diminish their mutual love.
§. 16. Of the errour of Papiſts about man and wifes ſeparation.332
§. 16. Of the error of Papists about man and wifes separation.332
Contrarie to the dutie of cohabitation is the doctrine of Papiſts, whereby they teach, that
- 332. Si quis dixerit Eccleſiam errore cùm ob multas cauſas ſeparationem inter coniuges quoad thorum, ſen cohabitationem, ad certum, incertumue tempus fieri poſſe decernit, Anathema ſit. Concil. Trid. §. 24. can. 8.
Contrary to the duty of cohabitation is the doctrine of Papists, whereby they teach, that
- 332. Si quis dixerit Ecclesiam errare cùm ob multas causas separationem inter coniuges quoad thorum, seu cohabitationem, ad certum, incertumue tempus fieri posse decernit, Anathema sit. Concil. Trid. §. 24. can. 8.
Separation may be made betwixt man and wife for many cauſes from bed, or cohabitation, for a certaine or vncertaine time. The Councell of Trent is bold to denounce Anathema againſt ſuch as ſay, the Church erreth therein. If the many cauſes which they alledge, beſides adulterie, be well weighed, we ſhall finde them without all warrant of Gods word.333 They draw them to two heads, 1. Mutuall conſent. 2. Demerit.
- 333. Bellarm. de Matrim. l. 1. c. 14.
Separation may be made betwixt man and wife for many causes from bed, or cohabitation, for a certain or uncertain time. The Council of Trent is bold to denounce Anathema against such as say, the Church erreth therein. If the many causes which they allege, besides adultery, be well weighed, we shall find them without all warrant of God’s word.333 They draw them to two heads, 1. Mutual consent. 2. Demerit.
- 333. Bellarm. de Matrim. l. 1. c. 14.
By conſent (ſay they) of both parties maried to attaine a greater and perfecter estate, mariage conſummate may be looſed from bed and cohabitation.
By consent (say they) of both parties married to attain a greater and perfecter estate, marriage consummate may be loosed from bed and cohabitation.
Anſw. 1. In mariage there is a couenant of God (Prou. 2. 17.) p. 233 as well as of the two parties: the conſent therefore of parties is not ſufficient to breake it.
Answ. 1. In marriage there is a covenant of God (Prov‸ 2:‸17‸) as well as of the two parties: the consent therefore of parties is not sufficient to break it.
3. The eſtates which they count more perfect, are either ſuch as are not in mans power (as perpetuall continencie) or ſuch as may be as well performed by maried perſons as by ſingle perſons (as Eccleſiaſticall functions) if at leaſt they be ſuch as are warranted by Gods word. High Prieſts, and other Prieſts, all ſorts of Leuites, extraordinarie Prophets and Apoſtles were maried. What greater functions then theſe?
3. The estates which they count more perfect, are either such as are not in man’s power (as perpetual continency) or such as may be as well performed by married persons as by single persons (as Ecclesiastical functions) if at least they be such as are warranted by God’s word. High Priests, and other Priests, all sorts of Levites, extraordinary Prophets and Apostles were married. What greater functions then these?
The cauſes which for demerit, they ſay, make a ſeparation, are 1. Adulterie. 2. Departing from the Catholike faith. 3. Soliciting or impelling vnto ſinne.
The causes which for demerit, they say, make a separation, are 1. Adultery. 2. Departing from the Catholic faith. 3. Soliciting or impelling unto sin.
Concerning335 Adulterie, we denie not, but that it giueth iuſt cauſe of diuorce: but withall we ſay (as336 we haue good warrant from Chriſts words) that it is the only cauſe of iuſt diuorce. For to make a ſeparation for departing from the Catholike faith,337 is directly contrarie to S. Pauls and S. Peters doctrine, 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13, 14. 1 Pet. 3. 1.
Concerning335 Adultery, we deny not, but that it giveth just cause of divorce: but withal we say (as336 we have good warrant from Christ’s words) that it is the only cause of just divorce. For to make a separation for departing from the Catholic faith,337 is directly contrary to S. Paul’s and S. Peter’s doctrine, 1 Cor‸ 7:‸12, 13, 14. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸1.
As for ſoliciting and impelling vnto ſinne, though it may be cauſe to moue an husband or a wife to walke more warily and338 wiſely, and in extremitie to auoid ſocietie for a time, or to complaine to the Magiſtrate for releefe, who may ſee it meet to lay the delinquent perſon in priſon, or elſe otherwiſe keepe them ſunder till that delinquent be reclaimed and brought to a better minde: yet is it no ſufficient cauſe finally to diſſolue marriage in regard of bed and cohabitation.
- 338. Si ferus moribus fit coniux, perferat illum vxor, nec vllam ob cauſam ſocietatem, vinculumꝗ diſſoluere patiatur. Baſil. Hexaem. bom. 7. Matth. 5. 29.
As for soliciting and impelling unto sin, though it may be cause to move an husband or a wife to walk more warily and338 wisely, and in extremity to avoid society for a time, or to complain to the Magistrate for relief, who may see it meet to lay the delinquent person in prison, or else otherwise keep them sunder till that delinquent be reclaimed and brought to a better mind: yet is it no sufficient cause finally to dissolve marriage in regard of bed and cohabitation.
- 338. Si ferus moribus sit coniux, perferat illum vxor, nec vllam ob causam societatem, vinculumque dissoluere patiatur. Basil. Hexaem. hom. 7. Matt 5:‸29.
They vrge that if the right eye cauſe to offend, it muſt be plucked out.
They urge that if the right eye cause to offend, it must be plucked out.
Anſ. 1. That is but a metaphor, and may ſundry other wayes be applied.
Ans. 1. That is but a metaphor, and may sundry other ways be applied.
2. The words are not ſimply, but by way of compariſon to be taken, rather plucke it out, then to be made to ſtumble thereby.
2. The words are not simply, but by way of comparison to be taken, rather pluck it out, then to be made to stumble thereby.
3. Plucking out, applied to the point in hand, may be by many other wayes, then by diſſoluing mariage.
3. Plucking out, applied to the point in hand, may be by many other ways, then by dissolving marriage.
§. 17. Of husbands and wiues vnlawfull abſenting themſelues one from another.
§. 17. Of husbands and wives unlawful absenting themselves one from another.
Contrarie alſo to the forenamed dutie of cohabitation, is the practiſe of many men, who liuing themſelues in one place (ſuppoſe at London) ſend their wiues vnto ſome countrey houſe, and there euen mew them vp, as Hawkes, neuer caring to come at them, but are then moſt merrie, when their wiues are fartheſt off. If their wiues liue at home they will be abroad, mealing and lodging where their wiues ſhall not know: their owne houſe is as a priſon to them: they are not well, but when they are out of it. Of the like lewd conceit and practife are many wiues, who on no other occaſion then meere lightneſſe, being eager in purſuing their pleaſures, and ſatisfying their luſts, gad out of their owne houſes in the day, lie out of them in the night, and remaine in other company dayes and nights: or at leaſt are glad when their husbands haue occaſion to be from home; not vnlike to the light huſwife which Salomon deſcribeth, Prou. 7. 10. &c. I ſpeake of matters too famous, or rather infamous. I would there were no iuſt cauſe to taxe this lightneſſe. But let ſuch as deſire to approue themſelues to God or man, take heed of theſe hainous and more then heatheniſh vices. Though Iſrael play the harlot, yet let not Iudah340 offend.
- 340. Hoſ. 4. 15.
Contrary also to the forenamed duty of cohabitation, is the practise of many men, who living themselves in one place (suppose at London) send their wives unto some country house, and there even mew them up, as Hawks, never caring to come at them, but are then most merry, when their wives are farthest off. If their wives live at home they will be abroad, mealing and lodging where their wives shall not know: their own house is as a prison to them: they are not well, but when they are out of it. Of the like lewd conceit and practise are many wives, who on no other occasion then mere lightness, being eager in pursuing their pleasures, and satisfying their lusts, gad out of their own houses in the day, lie out of them in the night, and remain in other company days and nights: or at least are glad when their husbands have occasion to be from home; not unlike to the light huswife which Solomon describeth, Prov‸ 7:‸10‸ etc‸. I speak of matters too famous, or rather infamous. I would there were no just cause to tax this lightness. But let such as desire to approve themselves to God or man, take heed of these heinous and more then heathenish vices. Though Israel play the harlot, yet let not Judah340 offend.
- 340. Hos‸ 4:‸15.
Too neere to the forenamed kinde of vnlawfull ſeparation341 doe they come, who though they liue both in one houſe, yet make that houſe by their eſtranging themſelues one from another as two houſes: the man abiding in one end thereof, his wife in another: and ſo haue their ſeuerall roomes, ſeuerall tables, ſeuerall ſeruants, all ſeuerall: Or if the ſtraitneſſe of their houſe will not ſuffer them ſo to part other roomes, yet they will haue ſeuerall bed-chambers, or at leaſt ſeuerall beds: ſo as they that ſhall call them bed-fellowes, ſhall but nicke-name them. Thus they rob each other of that due beneuolence which they mutually owe one to another, they expoſe themſelues to the deuils ſnares, they more and more eſtrange their p. 235 hearts one from another, and depriue themſelues of ſuch mutuall comforts and helpes, as by matrimoniall ſocietie they might afford to, and receiue from one another.
- 341. Man and wifes fault in parting roomes and beds in the ſame houſe.
Too near to the forenamed kind of unlawful separation341 do they come, who though they live both in one house, yet make that house by their estranging themselves one from another as two houses: the man abiding in one end thereof, his wife in another: and so have their several rooms, several tables, several servants, all several: Or if the straitness of their house will not suffer them so to part other rooms, yet they will have several bed-chambers, or at least several beds: so as they that shall call them bed-fellows, shall but nick-name them. Thus they rob each other of that due benevolence which they mutually owe one to another, they expose themselves to the devils snares, they more and more estrange their hearts one from another, and deprive themselves of such mutual comforts and helps, as by matrimonial society they might afford to, and receive from one another.
- 341. Man and wifes fault in parting rooms and beds in the same house.
Caring for Each Other’s Souls
Caring for Each Other’s Souls
§. 18. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prayers.
§. 18. Of husbands and wives mutual prayers.
The matter whereabout husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence ought to be conuerſant, is in generall the good of one another; that each of them doe that for the other, which Salomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not euill all342 the dayes of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his ſoule, bodie, good name, and goods.
- 342. Prou. 31. 12.
The matter whereabout husbands and wives mutual providence ought to be conversant, is in general the good of one another; that each of them do that for the other, which Solomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not evil all342 the days of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his soul, body, good name, and goods.
- 342. Prov‸ 31:‸12.
A generall dutie tending to the good of all theſe is prayer.343 S. Peter requireth ſuch a cariage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindred: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutuall dutie which one oweth to the other: which dutie Iſaak performed for his wife. Herein may344 man and wife be helpfull each to other in all things needfull to either of them: for it is the meanes which God in wiſdome345 hath ſanctified for the obtaining of euerie needfull bleſsing for ourſelues or others. By many it is counted but a ſlight dutie and of ſmall vſe; but the truth is, that to performe it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerfull in the effect. It is the beſt dutie that one can performe for another, and the leaſt to be neglected. We heard before, that Iſaak prayed for his wife: and to ſhew the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was intreated of him: ſo as ſhe, being346 barren before, by that meanes conceiued. All the phyſicke in the world could not haue done her ſo much good.347 Alwayes therefore,348 without ceasing is this dutie to be performed. Whenſoeuer man and wife make any prayer, therein they muſt be mindfull of one another: yea and oft muſt they of purpoſe take occaſion to make prayers in ſpeciall one for another: and that both in abſence, and alſo in preſence of one another.
A general duty tending to the good of all these is prayer.343 S. Peter requireth such a carriage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindered: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutual duty which one oweth to the other: which duty Isaac performed for his wife.344 Herein may man and wife be helpful each to other in all things needful to either of them: for it is the means which God in wisdom345 hath sanctified for the obtaining of every needful blessing for our selves or others. By many it is counted but a slight duty and of small use; but the truth is, that to perform it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerful in the effect. It is the best duty that one can perform for another, and the least to be neglected. We heard before, that Isaac prayed for his wife: and to show the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was entreated of him: so as she, being346 barren before, by that means conceived. All the physic in the world could not have done her so much good.347 Always therefore,348 without ceasing is this duty to be performed. Whensoever man and wife make any prayer, therein they must be mindful of one another: yea and oft must they of purpose take occasion to make prayers in special one for another: and that both in absence, and also in presence of one another.
This latter doth eſpecially concerne the husband, who is as a Prieſt vnto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands preſence when they two are alone, either for triall (that he may haue knowledge of her abilitie and gift in that kinde) or for helpe (if the wife be much better p. 236 able to performe that duty then the man is, as many wiues are.) Not without cauſe therefore haue I reckoned this among common mutuall duties.
This latter doth especially concern the husband, who is as a Priest unto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands presence when they two are alone, either for trial (that he may have knowledge of her ability and gift in that kind) or for help (if the wife be much better able to perform that duty then the man is, as many wives are.) Not without cause therefore have I reckoned this among common mutual duties.
§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wiues are to pray alone.
§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wives are to pray alone.
There are ſundry needfull bleſſings which husbands and wiues are to pray for that appertaine only to themſelues, and are moſt meet to be mentioned in priuate praier betwixt themſelues, as
There are sundry needful blessings which husbands and wives are to pray for that appertain only to themselves, and are most meet to be mentioned in private prayer betwixt themselves, as
1. That as they two are one fleſh, ſo they may be alſo one ſpirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, ſpirituall, matrimoniall loue: alwayes delighting one in another, euer helpfull one to another, and readie with all willingneſſe and cheerefulneſſe to performe all thoſe duties which they owe one to another.
1. That as they two are one flesh, so they may be also one spirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, spiritual, matrimonial love: always delighting one in another, ever helpful one to another, and ready with all willingness and cheerfulness to perform all those duties which they owe one to another.
2. That their mariage bed may be ſanctified: and as it is by Gods ordinance, ſo it may remaine to them by their well vſing it, a bed vndefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutuall prayer in priuate betwixt man and wife is more needfull: and that ſo much the rather, becauſe of the naturall heat of luſt which is in moſt: which if it be not by prayer (the beſt meanes for that purpoſe) aſſwaged, it may proue a defilement349 of the vndefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, ſo this alſo is ſanctified by the word and praier. The word giueth a warrant and direction for the vſe of it: praier both ſeaſoneth it, and procureth a bleſſing vpon it.
- 349. Intemperans in coniugio quid aliud niſi quidam adulter vxoris eſt? Aug. ex Ambr. contr. Iulian. lib. 2.
2. That their marriage bed may be sanctified: and as it is by God’s ordinance, so it may remain to them by their well using it, a bed undefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutual prayer in private betwixt man and wife is more needful: and that so much the rather, because of the natural heat of lust which is in most: which if it be not by prayer (the best means for that purpose) assuaged, it may prove a defilement349 of the undefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, so this also is sanctified by the word and prayer. The word giveth a warrant and direction for the use of it: prayer both seasoneth it, and procureth a blessing upon it.
- 349. Intemperans in coniugio quid aliud nisi quidam adulter vxoris est? Aug. ex Ambr. contr. Iulian. lib. 2.
3. That they may haue children, and thoſe ſuch as may be heires of ſaluation, and liue in this world to their owne and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor ideots in vnderſtanding, nor monſters in bodily ſhape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their liues: which could not but be a griefe to their parents, and might alſo open the mouthes of the wicked againſt them.
3. That they may have children, and those such as may be heirs of salvation, and live in this world to their own and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor idiots in understanding, nor monsters in bodily shape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their lives: which could not but be a grief to their parents, and might also open the mouths of the wicked against them.
4. That God would giue them competencie of this worlds goods, and other good meanes well to nouriſh, nurture, and place forth their children: and a ſufficiencie for the maintenance p. 237 of their family, and of that eſtate wherein God ſetteth them.
4. That God would give them competency of this worlds goods, and other good means well to nourish, nurture, and place forth their children: and a sufficiency for the maintenance of their family, and of that estate wherein God setteth them.
5. That ſuch needfull gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and ſuch vices and infirmities as they are ſubiect vnto may be redreſſed.
5. That such needful gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and such vices and infirmities as they are subject unto may be redressed.
Theſe and many other like things giue occaſion to man and wife in ſpeciall manner to pray one for another, and one with another.
These and many other like things give occasion to man and wife in special manner to pray one for another, and one with another.
§. 20. Of husbands and wiues hatefull imprecations and wiſhes one againſt another.
§. 20. Of husbands and wives hateful imprecations and wishes one against another.
Contrary to that holy and heauenly dutie of praier are thoſe direfull and helliſh imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily doe paſſe out of the mouthes of many husbands and wiues againſt one another (and that many times for very light occaſions) curſing the day that euer they knew one another, and wiſhing that one of them had beene vnder the ground before they came together. Moſt odious are theſe and ſuch like execrations in any mans mouth, but more then moſt odious in the mouth of man and wife againſt one another.
Contrary to that holy and heavenly duty of prayer are those direful and hellish imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily do pass out of the mouths of many husbands and wives against one another (and that many times for very light occasions) cursing the day that ever they knew one another, and wishing that one of them had been under the ground before they came together. Most odious are these and such like execrations in any man’s mouth, but more then most odious in the mouth of man and wife against one another.
Many who for outward ſhame for beare to belch forth ſuch rotten ſtinking ſpeech, make ſmall conſcience of wiſhing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harſh, and a wife ſhrewiſh: or if through ſickneſſe, or any other like occaſion they ſeeme burdenſome each to other: or if any diſlike of one ariſe in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be ſet vpon others: or if the ſuruiuor be to carry away the goods and lands, their hearts will be filled with a thouſand wiſhes of one anothers death. Yea, many times ſuch as haue very good huſbands or wiues, without any ſhew of reaſon (only through an inward corrupton of their heart, and malicious inſtigation of Satan, not taking notice of their owne good) are ready to wiſh they were in heauen: making thereby a pretence of their eternall bliſſe to whom they ſo wiſh, whereas indeed their only deſire is to be looſed and freed from them. God oft meets with ſuch wicked wiſhers (whereby he ſheweth how hatefull ſuch wiſhes are to him) for ſometimes according to their wiſh he taketh away good husbands and wiues from thoſe that are euill: and when they are gone he maketh their loſſe to be ſo p. 238 ſenſibly felt, as thoſe vngodly wiſhers doe, (as we ſpeake) in euery veine of their heart repent them of their raſh wiſhes. Yea, to aggrauate their wretchedneſſe the more, he giueth them ſuch crabbed and peruerſe husbands and wiues in the roome and ſtead of thoſe good ones (for ſeldome comes a better) as they are forced with many deepe ſighs and groanes to wiſh (but all in vaine) their former wiues and husbands350 aliue againe, and ſo to verifie the prouerbe, A good thing is not ſo well diſcerned by enioying, as by wanting it. Sometimes againe God in anger croſſeth their wiſhes, and firſt taketh away the wiſhers of others death: or elſe prolongeth the life of both to351 their greater vexation.
Many who for outward shame forbear to belch forth such ‸rotten stinking speech, make small conscience of wishing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harsh, and a wife shrewish: or if through sickness, or any other like occasion they seem burdensome each to other: or if any dislike of one arise in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be set upon others: or if the survivor be to carry away the goods and lands, their hearts will be filled with a thousand wishes of one anothers death. Yea, many times such as have very good husbands or wives, without any show of reason (only through an inward corruption of their heart, and malicious instigation of Satan, not taking notice of their own good) are ready to wish they were in heaven: making thereby a pretence of their eternal bliss to whom they so wish, whereas indeed their only desire is to be loosed and freed from them. God oft meets with such wicked wishers (whereby he showeth how hateful such wishes are to him) for sometimes according to their wish he taketh away good husbands and wives from those that are evil: and when they are gone he maketh their loss to be so sensibly felt, as those ungodly wishers do, (as we speak) in every vein of their heart repent them of their rash wishes. Yea, to aggravate their wretchedness the more, he giveth them such crabbed and perverse husbands and wives in the room and stead of those good ones (for seldom comes a better) as they are forced with many deep sighs and groans to wish (but all in vain) their former wives and husbands350 alive again, and so to verify the proverb, A good thing is not so well discerned by enjoying, as by wanting it. Sometimes again God in anger crosseth their wishes, and first taketh away the wishers of others death: or else prolongeth the life of both to351 their greater vexation.
§. 21. Of husbands and wiues neglect of mutuall praier.
§. 21. Of husbands and wives neglect of mutual prayer.
The very neglect of mutuall prayer in husbands and wiues for each other is alſo a ſinne contrary to the forenamed dutie of praier: whereof if all that are guiltie were as well knowne to man as to God, how many vnkinde husbands and wiues careleſſe of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are thoſe husbands and wiues, that haue their ſeaſons to pray alone together one with another, if euer they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may ſeeme very kinde, and in the outward things of this world, very prouident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kinde, nor prouident. Heartie, feruent, frequent prayer is the greateſt token of kindneſſe, and beſt part of prouidence that can be.
The very neglect of mutual prayer in husbands and wives for each other is also a sin contrary to the forenamed duty of prayer: whereof if all that are guilty were as well known to man as to God, how many unkind husbands and wives careless of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are those husbands and wives, that have their seasons to pray alone together one with another, if ever they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may seem very kind, and in the outward things of this world, very provident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kind, nor provident. Hearty, fervent, frequent prayer is the greatest token of kindness, and best part of providence that can be.
§. 22. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care for one anothers ſaluation.
§. 22. Of husbands and wives mutual care for one anothers salvation.
From the generall dutie of praier which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wiues352 mutuall prouident care: and will firſt begin with that which is firſt to be ſought, the good of one anothers ſoule: which the Apoſtle intimateth to be a thing to be ſought after, where he ſaith,353 What knoweſt thou, ô wife, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thine husband, or what knoweſt thou, ô man, whether thou ſhalt SAVE thy wife?354 S. Peter enioyneth wiues to doe their endeuour to win their husbands: and355 S. Paul ſetteth before huſbands p. 239 the patterne of Chriſts loue, which had eſpeciall reſpect356 to the ſoule and the ſaluation thereof: ſo as this is a mutuall dutie appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he ſtileth them coheires of the grace of life.
From the general duty of prayer which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wives352 mutual provident care: and will first begin with that which is first to be sought, the good of one anothers soul: which the Apostle intimateth to be a thing to be sought after, where he saith, What knowest thou, ô wife, whether thou shalt353 SAVE thine husband, or what knowest thou, ô man, whether thou shalt SAVE thy wife? S. Peter354 enjoineth wives to do their endeavour to win their husbands: and S. Paul355 setteth before husbands the pattern of Christ’s love, which had especial respect356 to the soul and the salvation thereof: so as this is a mutual duty appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he styleth them coheirs of the grace of life.
- 352. Admonendi sunt coniuges vt exhortantes inuicem saluent. Greg. in Past. part. 3. Adm. 28.
- 353. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸16. [moved here by the editor]
- 354. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸1. [moved here by the editor]
- 355. Eph 5:‸25. [moved here by the editor]
- 356. Of the particular duty of husbands in this respect, see Treat. 4. §. 47.
§. 23. Of husbands and wiues care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.
§. 23. Of husbands and wives care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.
That the ſaluation of the ſoule may be the better effected, reſpect muſt be had to the preſent and particular eſtate of huſband or wife. If one be a beleeuer the other not, the beleeuer muſt vſe all the meanes that may be, to draw on the other alſo to beleeue. If both be beleeuers, their mutuall care muſt be to edifie one another in thier moſt holy faith.
That the salvation of the soul may be the better effected, respect must be had to the present and particular estate of husband or wife. If one be a believer the other not, the believer must use all the means that may be, to draw on the other also to believe. If both be believers, their mutual care must be to edify one another in their most holy faith.
For the firſt, it is the maine drift of S. Peters exhortation to358 beleeuing wiues, about their conuerſation, to draw on their vnbeleeuing husbands to the true faith. His phraſe (that they359 may be wonne or gained) as in generall it hath reſpect to their ſoules ſaluation, ſo in particular to their firſt conuerſion. Now if this dutie appertaine to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saniour. To this end doth S. Paul aduiſe beleeuing husbands and wiues that360 are maried to vnbeleeuers, to dwell with them.
For the first, it is the main drift of S. Peter’s exhortation to358 believing wives, about their conversation, to draw on their unbelieving husbands to the true faith. His phrase (that they359 may be won or gained) as in general it hath respect to their souls salvation, so in particular to their first conversion. Now if this duty appertain to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saviour. To this end doth S. Paul advise believing husbands and wives that360 are married to unbelievers, to dwell with them.
For what a wofull thing is it, that two which in this world361 are ſo neerely linked together as to make one fleſh, ſhould in the world to come be ſo farre ſeparated one from another, as heauen is from hell. This indeed ſhall ſo fall out in many: for Chriſt hath expreſly foretold it, that of two that were in one bed together (who are more fitly ſet forth vnder this phraſe then man and wife, who moſt vſually are ſtiled bedfellowes?) one ſhall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other ſhall be for ſaken or left to endleſſe and eaſeleſſe torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it ſhall fall out with many a couple, yet our care muſt be, and that with our vttermoſt power,362 to preuent it, as in our ſelues, ſo in our bedfellow.
For what a woeful thing is it, that two which in this world361 are so nearly linked together as to make one flesh, should in the world to come be so far separated one from another, as heaven is from hell. This indeed shall so fall out in many: for Christ hath expressly foretold it, that of two that were in one bed together (who are more fitly set forth under this phrase then man and wife, who most usually are styled bedfellows?) one shall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other shall be forsaken (‸or left to endless and easeless torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it shall fall out with many a couple, yet our care must be, and that with our uttermost power,362 to prevent it, as in our selves, so in our bedfellow.
If it pleaſe the Lord to giue ſuch a bleſſing to the endeuour p. 240 of an husband or wife, as to be a meanes of the conuerſion of their bedfellow, then will the partie conuerted both intirely loue the other, and alſo heartily bleſſe God (as there is iuſt cauſe) that euer they were ſo neerely linked together.
If it please the Lord to give such a blessing to the endeavour of an husband or wife, as to be a means of the conversion of their bedfellow, then will the party converted both entirely love the other, and also heartily bless God (as there is just cause) that ever they were so nearly linked together.
This dutie of winning one another, is to be applied to ſuch as are maried not only to plaine infidels, but alſo to Papiſts or other like Idolaters, to Atheiſts, or any other profane perſons, to heretiques, ſeparatiſts, ſchiſmatiques, or any that beleeue not aright.
This duty of winning one another, is to be applied to such as are married not only to plain infidels, but also to Papists or other like Idolaters, to Atheists, or any other profane persons, to heretics, separatists, schismatics, or any that believe not aright.
§. 24. Of husbands and wiues edifying one another.
§. 24. Of husbands and wives edifying one another.
The ſecond dutie tending to the ſoules ſaluation is, that two beleeuers being maried together, they endeuour mutually to build vp one another more and more.363 One Chriſtian oweth this dutie to another: much more man and wife.364 Take heed (ſaith the Apoſtle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.
The second duty tending to the souls salvation is, that two believers being married together, they endeavour mutually to build up one another more and more.363 One Christian oweth this duty to another: much more man and wife. Take heed364 (saith the Apostle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.
A ſpirituall edifying of one another is the beſt vſe which365 we can make (and ought to make) of thoſe366 ioynts and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By vertue of them367 the body (namely the myſticall body of Chriſt) receiueth increaſe to the edifying of it ſelfe, and368 increaſeth with the increaſe of God. Now the bond of mariage being of all other the firmeſt, and that whereby we are neereſt knit together, by vertue of what bond ſhould we edifie one another, if not by vertue of the mariage bond?
A spiritual edifying of one another is the best use which365 we can make (and ought to make) of those joints366 and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By virtue of them the body367 (namely the mystical body of Christ) receiveth increase to the edifying of it self, and increaseth with the increase of God.368 Now the bond of marriage being of all other the firmest, and that whereby we are nearest knit together, by virtue of what bond should we edify one another, if not by virtue of the marriage bond?
§. 25. Of husbands and wiues hindering ſinne one in another.
§. 25. Of husbands and wives hindering sin one in another.
Two things are requiſite vnto ſpirituall edification.
Two things are requisite unto spiritual edification.
One reſpecteth the hinderances of growth in grace.
One respecteth the hindrances of growth in grace.
The other the helpes thereof.
The other the helps thereof.
The hinderances of grace are all manner of ſinnes. Sinne to grace is as water to fire: it ſlaketh the heat of it, and if without hoe it be powred on it, it will cleane put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutuall care in husbands and wiues, both to preuent ſinne before it be committed, and alſo to make what redreſſe they can after it is committed.
The hindrances of grace are all manner of sins. Sin to grace is as water to fire: it slaketh the heat of it, and if without ho it be poured on it, it will clean put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutual care in husbands and wives, both to prevent sin before it be committed, and also to make what redress they can after it is committed.
That it is a mutuall dutie for husbands and wiues ſo much369 as they can, to preuent ſinne one in another is euident, by that reaſon which the Apoſtle vſeth, to keepe them from defrauding p. 241 one another, in theſe words, that Satan tempt you not.370 For out of the ſcope and matter of thoſe words, this generall doctrine may be gathered, Husbands and wiues ought to be carefull to keepe one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from ſinne, whereunto all his temptations tend.371 Rebekah performed the dutie of a good wife in keeping Iſaak from bleſſing Eſau: which if he had done, he had ſinned againſt372 Gods expreſſe word. Though ſhe failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.
That it is a mutual duty for husbands and wives so much369 as they can, to prevent sin one in another is evident, by that reason which the Apostle useth, to keep them from defrauding one another, in these words, that Satan tempt you not.370 For out of the scope and matter of those words, this general doctrine may be gathered, husbands and wives ought to be careful to keep one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from sin, whereunto all his temptations tend. Rebekah371 performed the duty of a good wife in keeping Isaac from blessing Esau: which if he had done, he had sinned against372 God’s express word. Though she failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.
As that loue they owe one to another, ſo that care which they373 ought to haue of themſelues requireth as much, for ſinne prouoketh Gods wrath, his wrath ſendeth downe vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miſſe the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reaſon of their neere vnion: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and euen afflict the partie that eſcapeth. The wiues of thoſe rebells who were374 ſwallowed vp quicke in the wilderneſſe, periſhed in like manner with their husbands. For they who are ſo neere as husbands and wiues, and doe not what they can to preuent one anothers ſinnes, make themſelues acceſſary thereto.
As that love they owe one to another, so that care which they373 ought to have of themselves requireth as much, for sin provoketh God’s wrath, his wrath sendeth down vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miss the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reason of their near union: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and even afflict the party that escapeth. The wives of those rebels who were374 swallowed up quick in the wilderness, perished in like manner with their husbands. For they who are so near as husbands and wives, and do not what they can to prevent one anothers sins, make themselves accessary thereto.
For the better effecting of this dutie, husbands and wiues375 muſt be watchfull ouer one another, and obſerue what ſinnes either of them are giuen vnto, or what occaſions are offered to draw either of them into ſinne. If either of them be cholericke or prone to be angry on a ſudden, the other muſt endeuour to take away all occaſions of offence: and if both ſhould be teſtie and haſtie to wrath, when the one ſeeth the other firſt moued, the partie whoſe paſſion is not yet ſtirred, ought the rather to be ſetled and compoſed to all meekneſſe and patience, leſt, if both together be prouoked, the whole houſhold be ſet on fire. If either of them be giuen to drunkenneſſe, couetouſneſſe, or any other ſinne, the other ought by wiſe and gentle perſwaſions to keepe them (as much as they can) from thoſe ſinnes. Yea they may alſo get others, that are diſcreet and able, to diſſwade them: or vſe what other good meanes they can to that purpoſe.
- 375. Direction for preuenting ſinne.
For the better effecting of this duty, husbands and wives375 must be watchful over one another, and observe what sins either of them are given unto, or what occasions are offered to draw either of them into sin. If either of them be choleric or prone to be angry on a sudden, the other must endeavour to take away all occasions of offence: and if both should be testy and hasty to wrath, when the one seeth the other first moved, the party whose passion is not yet stirred, ought the rather to be settled and composed to all meekness and patience, lest, if both together be provoked, the whole household be set on fire. If either of them be given to drunkenness, covetousness, or any other sin, the other ought by wise and gentle persuasions to keep them (as much as they can) from those sins. Yea they may also get others, that are discreet and able, to dissuade them: or use what other good means they can to that purpose.
- 375. Direction for preventing sin.
§. 26. Of husbands and wiues redreſſing ſinne in one another.
§. 26. Of husbands and wives redressing sin in one another.
When either husband or wife is fallen into any ſinne, a mutuall dutie it is for the other, to vſe what redreſſe may be of that ſinne: as if one of them were wounded, the other muſt take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail performed376 her dutie in this kinde, when, after ſhe had heard what churliſh entertainment her husband gaue to Dauids ſeruants, ſhe haſtened to carry ſtore of prouiſion to Dauid, and humbled her ſelfe before him, and ſo moued Dauid to aſſwage his wrath: yea ſhe tooke a ſeaſonable time alſo to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himſelfe thereby.
- 376. 1 Sam. 25. [moved in the edition]
When either husband or wife is fallen into any sin, a mutual duty it is for the other, to use what redress may be of that sin: as if one of them were wounded, the other must take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail376 performed her duty in this kind, when, after she had heard what churlish entertainment her husband gave to David’s servants, she hastened to carry store of provision to David, and humbled her self before him, and so moved David to assuage his wrath: yea she took a seasonable time also to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himself thereby.
- 376. 1 Sam‸ 25. [moved here by the editor]
More directly, and with better ſucceſſe did Iaakob redreſſe the ſuperſtition, or rather Idolatrie of his wife Rachel, as may
More directly, and with better success did Jacob redress the superstition, or rather Idolatry of his wife Rachel, as may
be gathered by comparing Gen. 31. 19, 34
Gen. 35. 2, 4.
be gathered by comparing Gen‸ 31:‸19, 34 with Genesis 35:‸2, 4.
Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother (ſaith the law) and ſuffer378 ſinne to lie on him. To doe this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband ſhould ſee his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their beſt helpe to pull them out, might they not iuſtly be thought to hate them? But ſinne is as fire and water, which will burne and drowne men in perdition.
- 378. It is a branch of hatred to ſuffer ſin to lie on any.
Thou shalt not hate thy brother (saith the law) and suffer378 sin to lie on him. To do this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband should see his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their best help to pull them out, might they not justly be thought to hate them? But sin is as fire and water, which will burn and drown men in perdition.
- 378. It is a branch of hatred to suffer sin to lie on any.
§. 27. Of husbands and wiues helping forward the growth of grace in each other.
§. 27. Of husbands and wives helping forward the growth of grace in each other.
Hitherto of preuenting, and redreſſing hinderances of grace. Hereunto muſt be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife muſt mutually endeuour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his380 wiues along with himſelfe vnto the Tabernacle of the Lord yeere by yeere, ſheweth that his deſire was to vphold them in the feare of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he vſed to beſtow on them, implie the care that he had to p. 243 encourage them to hold on in ſeruing the Lord. It was without queſtion the maine end which the Shunamite aimed at in381 prouiding lodging for the Prophet, that both ſhe and her huſband might be built vp in Grace.
Hitherto of preventing, and redressing hindrances of grace. Hereunto must be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife must mutually endeavour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his380 wives along with himself unto the Tabernacle of the Lord year by year, showeth that his desire was to uphold them in the fear of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he used to bestow on them, imply the care that he had to encourage them to hold on in serving the Lord. It was without question the main end which the Shunamite aimed at in381 providing lodging for the Prophet, that both she and her husband might be built up in Grace.
1. By taking notice of the beginning, and leaſt meaſure of Grace: and approuing the ſame.
1. By taking notice of the beginning, and least measure of Grace: and approving the same.
2. By frequent conference about ſuch things as concerne the ſame: mutually propounding queſtions one to another thereabouts, and anſwering the ſame.
2. By frequent conference about such things as concern the same: mutually propounding questions one to another thereabouts, and answering the same.
3. By their mutuall practiſe and example: making themſelues each to other a patterne of pietie.
3. By their mutual practise and example: making themselves each to other a pattern of piety.
4. By performing exerciſes of religion, as praying, ſinging pſalmes, reading the word, and the like together.
4. By performing exercises of religion, as praying, singing psalms, reading the word, and the like together.
5. By maintaining holy and religious exerciſes in the familie.383 Though this dutie eſpecially appertaine to the husband, yet the wife muſt put her husband in minde thereof, if he forget it; and ſtirre him vp, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 King. 4. 9, 10. No mans perſwaſion in this kinde, can ſo much preuaile with a man as his wiues.
- 383. Nemo magiſter ita perſuadere poterit quemadmodum vxor. Chryſ. hom. 19. 1 Cor. 7.
5. By maintaining holy and religious exercises in the family.383 Though this duty especially appertain to the husband, yet the wife must put her husband in mind thereof, if he forget it; and stir him up, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 Kgs 4:‸9, 10. No man’s persuasion in this kind, can so much prevail with a man as his wives.
- 383. Nemo magister ita persuadere poterit quemadmodum vxor. Chrys. hom. 19. 1 Cor‸ 7.
Great need there is, that husbands and wiues ſhould endeuour to helpe forward the growth of grace in each other, becauſe we are all ſo prone to fall away and wax cold, euen as385 water if the fire goe out, and more fewell be not put vnder.386 And of all other, husbands and wiues may be moſt helpfull herein, becauſe they can ſooneſt eſpie the beginning of decay by reaſon of their neere, and continuall familiaritie together.
Great need there is, that husbands and wives should endeavour to help forward the growth of grace in each other, because we are all so prone to fall away and wax cold, even as385 water if the fire go out, and more fuel be not put under.386 And of all other, husbands and wives may be most helpful herein, because they can soonest espy the beginning of decay by reason of their near, and continual familiarity together.
§. 28. Of the ſinnes of husbands and wiues contrary to a mutuall care of one anothers ſaluation.
§. 28. Of the sins of husbands and wives contrary to a mutual care of one anothers salvation.
The vices contrary to that generall mutuall dutie of huſbands and wiues in procuring the Saluation of one another, and to the particular branches compriſed vnder it, are many: As
The vices contrary to that general mutual duty of husbands and wives in procuring the Salvation of one another, and to the particular branches comprised under it, are many: As
1. A careleſſe neglect thereof: when as husbands and wiues387 ſo minde earthly things, as they thinke it enough if they be prouident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof p. 244 moſt that liue in this earth are guiltie: and among others, euen many of them who haue the name of very good and kinde husbands and wiues. But whatſoeuer the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they faile in this point, they goe no further then the very heathen haue done, and their kindneſſe may be as the apes kindneſſe, which cauſeth death.
- 387. 1. Care only for temporall things.
1. A careless neglect thereof: when as husbands and wives387 so mind earthly things, as they think it enough if they be provident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof most that live in this earth are guilty: and among others, even many of them who have the name of very good and kind husbands and wives. But whatsoever the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they fail in this point, they go no further then the very heathen have done, and their kindness may be as the apes kindness, which causeth death.
- 387. 1. Care only for temporal things.
2. The vnworthy walking, and vnchriſtian cariage of a beleeuer388 that is maried to one that beleeueth not: hereby the vnbeleeuer is kept off from embracing the Goſpell, and made the more to diſlike and deteſt it. If a popiſh or profane husband be maried to a wife that maketh profeſſion of the truth of the Goſpell, and ſhe be ſtout, proud, wanton, waſpiſh, waſtefull, or giuen to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inueigh againſt the religion ſhe profeſſeth, and vtterly proteſt againſt it? So alſo a popiſh or profane wife, if ſhe be maried to ſuch an husband.
- 388. 2. Vnworthy walking.
2. The unworthy walking, and unchristian carriage of a believer388 that is married to one that believeth not: hereby the unbeliever is kept off from embracing the Gospel, and made the more to dislike and detest it. If a popish or profane husband be married to a wife that maketh profession of the truth of the Gospel, and she be stout, proud, wanton, waspish, wasteful, or given to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inveigh against the religion she professeth, and utterly protest against it? So also a popish or profane wife, if she be married to such an husband.
- 388. 2. Unworthy walking.
3. Negligence in obſeruing one anothers diſpoſition or conuerſation:389 whereby it commeth to paſſe that they keepe not backe, nor reſtraine one another from running into any ſinne: but proue ſuch husbands and wiues one to another as Eli proued a father to his ſonnes: whence it fell out, that Gods ſeuere vengeance fell vpon the necke of the one, and of the other. Pilats wife though an heatheniſh woman, ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt many ſuch wiues, for ſhe did what ſhe could to keepe390 her husband from ſhedding innocent bloud.
3. Negligence in observing one anothers disposition or conversation:389 whereby it cometh to pass that they keep not back, nor restrain one another from running into any sin: but prove such husbands and wives one to another as Eli proved a father to his sons: whence it fell out, that God’s severe vengeance fell upon the neck of the one, and of the other. Pilate’s wife though an heathenish woman, shall rise up in judgment against many such wives, for she did what she could to keep390 her husband from shedding innocent blood.
4. Acomplement all ſoothing of one anothers humour, and ſeeking391 mutually to pleaſe one another in all things, without reſpect of good or euill. Such as theſe the Scripture termeth392 men-pleaſers. Hence it commeth to paſſe that husbands and wiues are ſo farre from drawing one another from ſinne, that the better rather yeelds vnto the worſe, and both runne into393 euill, as Adam was perſwaded by his wife to tranſgreſſe againſt Gods expreſſe charge: and wiſe Salomon was drawne by his wiues vnto Idolatrie, 1 King. 11. 4. and Sapphira conſented to the ſacriledge of Ananias her husband, Act. 5. 2.
4. A complemental soothing of one anothers humour, and seeking391 mutually to please one another in all things, without respect of good or evil. Such as these the Scripture termeth392 men-pleasers. Hence it cometh to pass that husbands and wives are so far from drawing one another from sin, that the better rather yields unto the worse, and both run into393 evil, as Adam was persuaded by his wife to transgress against God’s express charge: and wise Solomon was drawn by his wives unto Idolatry, 1 Kgs 11:‸4. And Sapphira consented to the sacrilege of Ananias her husband, Acts 5:‸2.
5. An vndue feare of offending one another by Chriſtian inſtruction,394 admonition, reproofe, and the like. Many who are oft p. 245 moued in conſcience to make knowne to their husbands and wiues the ſinnes wherein they liue, and the danger wherein they lie by reaſon thereof, doe notwithſtanding through careleſſe and cauſeleſſe feare, refraine and forbeare to doe ſo.
- 394. 5. Vndue feare of offence.
5. An undue fear of offending one another by Christian instruction,394 admonition, reproof, and the like. Many who are oft moved in conscience to make known to their husbands and wives the sins wherein they live, and the danger wherein they lie by reason thereof, do notwithstanding through careless and causeless fear, refrain and forbear to do so.
- 394. 5. Undue fear of offence.
6. An impious, and enuious diſpoſition, whereby many huſbands395 and wiues are moued to mocke, and ſcoffe at that holy zeale, and forwardneſſe which they obſerue in their bedfellowes: as Michal who reſembled Dauid to a foole, or396 vaine-fellow, becauſe he manifeſted his zeale by dancing before the Arke. Thus doe many nip the worke of the ſpirit in the very bud, and cauſe grace ſoone to wither. But curſed be that husband, or wife, that thus peruerteth the maine end of their neere coniunction.
6. An impious, and envious disposition, whereby many husbands395 and wives are moved to mock, and scoff at that holy zeal, and forwardness which they observe in their bedfellows: as Michal who resembled David to a fool, or396 vain-fellow, because he manifested his zeal by dancing before the Ark. Thus do many nip the work of the spirit in the very bud, and cause grace soon to wither. But cursed be that husband, or wife, that thus perverteth the main end of their near conjunction.
Guarding Each Other’s Health, Reputation, and Property
Guarding Each Other’s Health, Reputation, and Property
§. 29. Of husbands and wiues mutuall care ouer one anothers body.
§. 29. Of husbands and wives mutual care over one anothers body.
After the good of the ſoule followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife muſt ſhew their prouident care each ouer other: and doe what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers perſon, and to nouriſh and cheriſh one anothers body. This dutie the Apoſtle layeth down vnder the compariſon of a body which he calleth fleſh, ſaying,397 No man hateth his owne fleſh, but nouriſheth and cheriſheth it: now man and wife are398 one fleſh. This dutie the Apoſtle in particular applieth to husbands. At the firſt inſtitution of mariage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be399 an helpe meet for man: ſo as it is a mutuall dutie appertaining to both. It ſeemeth that400 Rebecha was ſo carefull of Iſaak in this reſpect, that ſhe could readily make ſauory meat for him, ſuch as he loued.
After the good of the soul followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife must show their provident care each over other: and do what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers person, and to nourish and cherish one anothers body. This duty the Apostle layeth down under the comparison of a body which he calleth flesh, saying, No man hateth his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it:397 now man and wife are one flesh.398 This duty the Apostle in particular applieth to husbands. At the first institution of marriage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be an help meet for man:399 so as it is a mutual duty appertaining to both. It seemeth that Rebekah400 was so careful of Isaac in this respect, that she could readily make savoury meat for him, such as he loved.
This dutie extendeth it ſelfe to all eſtates both of proſperity and aduerſity, of health and ſickneſſe: for ſo much doe they mutually couenant and promiſe when they are firſt ioyned together in mariage, I take thee (ſaith each to other) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer, in ſickneſſe and in health to loue and to cheriſh. Wherefore they ought mutually both to reioyce in the well-fare of one another, and alſo in all diſtreſſe to ſuccour and comfort each other, putting their ſhoulders vnder one anothers burden, and helping to eaſe one another p. 246 as much as they can. That which Salomon ſaid of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this caſe to husband and wife, a friend loueth at all times, and a brother is borne for aduerſity,401 that is, a truſty and faithfull friend is conſtant in his goodwill, and ready to performe all duties, of kindneſſe at any time, whether it be proſperity or aduerſity: the change of outward eſtate maketh no alteration in his louing affection and friendly cariage: yea he ſeemeth to be as it were borne and brought forth againſt the time of trouble and affliction, becauſe then is his prouident care and tender affection moſt manifeſted. Of all friends none ought to be more carefull, none more faithfull one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to loue at all times, and if any triall come to either of them, the other ſo to carrie himſelfe, as it may be truly ſaid they were ioyned together for aduerſity?
- 401. Pro. 17. 17.
This duty extendeth it self to all estates both of prosperity and adversity, of health and sickness: for so much do they mutually covenant and promise when they are first joined together in marriage, I take thee (saith each to other) for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish. Wherefore they ought mutually both to rejoice in the well-fare of one another, and also in all distress to succour and comfort each other, putting their shoulders under one anothers burden, and helping to ease one another as much as they can. That which Solomon said of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this case to husband and wife, a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,401 that is, a trusty and faithful friend is constant in his goodwill, and ready to perform all duties, of kindness at any time, whether it be prosperity or adversity: the change of outward estate maketh no alteration in his loving affection and friendly carriage: yea he seemeth to be as it were born and brought forth against the time of trouble and affliction, because then is his provident care and tender affection most manifested. Of all friends none ought to be more careful, none more faithful one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to love at all times, and if any trial come to either of them, the other so to carry himself, as it may be truly said they were joined together for adversity?
- 401. Prov 17:‸17. ‸
Thus ſhall they verifie the truth of that whereby God was moued to creare of mankinde male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone, but that it was rather good,402 that is, needfull, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which reſpect the wiſe-man ſaith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and by the rule of403 relation we may inferre, ſhe that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.
Thus shall they verify the truth of that whereby God was moved to create of mankind male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone,402 but that it was rather good, that is, needful, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which respect the wise-man saith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing;403 and by the rule of relation we may infer, she that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.
§. 30. Of husbands and wiues backwandneſſe to helpe one another in time of need.
§. 30. Of husbands and wives backwardness to help one another in time of need.
Contrary to this duty is a certaine vnnaturall affection in ſundry husbands and wiues, who much grudge to prouide the things that are needfull for one another. The man commonly thinkes the charge too great, the woman thinkes the paines too much: they are affected one to another as if they were meere ſtrangers: nay many ſtrangers will be more ready to performe, and more cheerefull in performing needfull duties (as occaſion is offered) then ſuch vnnaturall husbands and wiues. If a little ſickneſſe, or other like croſſe fall on one of them, the other thinkes, neuer any had ſuch a burden; and by their diſcontent make the burden much more heauy then otherwiſe it would be: euen as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth backe, the draught is made much p. 247 harder to the other. Thus doe they peruert one of the principall ends of mariage, which is to be a continuall comfort and404 helpe each to other, and to eaſe the burdens of one another: in which reſpect they are made yoke-fellowes. Iobs wife by her vnnaturall cariage towards him in his affliction405 did much aggrauate his miſery: when he ſtood in moſt need of her helpe, ſhe afforded leaſt vnto him: it appeares by Iobs complaint of her, in theſe words, my breath is ſtrange to406 my wife, that ſhe altogether neglected him in his miſery. The common ſpeech of many after their husband or wife hauing long lien ſicke is departed, bewrayeth their vnnaturall affection: their ſpeech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died ſo much ſooner I had ſaued ſo much mony. What doth this intimate but that they could haue beene contented their husband (or wife) ſhould haue died ſooner that they might haue ſpared the more.
Contrary to this duty is a certain unnatural affection in sundry husbands and wives, who much grudge to provide the things that are needful for one another. The man commonly thinks the charge too great, the woman thinks the pains too much: they are affected one to another as if they were mere strangers: nay many strangers will be more ready to perform, and more cheerful in performing needful duties (as occasion is offered) then such unnatural husbands and wives. If a little sickness, or other like cross fall on one of them, the other thinks, never any had such a burden; and by their discontent make the burden much more heavy then otherwise it would be: even as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth back, the draught is made much harder to the other. Thus do they pervert one of the principal ends of marriage, which is to be a continual comfort and404 help each to other, and to ease the burdens of one another: in which respect they are made yoke-fellows. Job’s wife405 by her unnatural carriage towards him in his affliction did much aggravate his misery: when he stood in most need of her help, she afforded least unto him: it appears by Job’s complaint of her, in these words, my breath is strange to406 my wife, that she altogether neglected him in his misery. The common speech of many after their husband or wife having long lien sick is departed, bewrayeth their unnatural affection: their speech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died so much sooner I had saved so much money. What doth this intimate but that they could have been contented their husband (or wife) should have died sooner that they might have spared the more.
§. 31. Of Husbands and Wiues mutuall reſpect of one anothers good name.
§. 31. Of Husbands and Wives mutual respect of one anothers good name.
The prouident care of husbands and wiues ought further to extend it ſelfe to the credit and good name of one another. As deare ought the good name of the wife be vnto the huſband, and of the husband to the wife, as their owne.407 The great regard that Ioſeph had of the credit of Marie his eſpouſed wife, made him thinke of putting her away priuily when he obſerued her to be with childe and knew not of whom: for he was not willing408 to make her a publike example. The same reſpect moued409 Bethſheba to ſend ſecretly to Dauid, and tell him that ſhe was with childe. The commendation which he good husband (410 noted by Salomon) giueth of his wife being approued by the holy Ghoſt, ſheweth how man and wife ouaght in that reſpect to honour each other: and that on good grounds. For
The provident care of husbands and wives ought further to extend it self to the credit and good name of one another. As dear ought the good name of the wife be unto the husband, and of the husband to the wife, as their own.407 The great regard that Joseph had of the credit of Mary his espoused wife, made him think of putting her away privily when he observed her to be with child and knew not of whom: for he was not willing to make her a public example.408 The same respect moved Bathsheba409 to send secretly to David, and tell him that she was with child. The commendation which the good husband410 (‸noted by Solomon) giveth of his wife being approved by the Holy Ghost, showeth how man and wife ought in that respect to honour each other: and that on good grounds. For
2. So neerely are husbands and wiues ioyned together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour p. 248 and credit of the other; ſo that herein they ſeeke their owne honour alſo.
2. So nearly are husbands and wives joined together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour and credit of the other; so that herein they seek their own honour also.
§. 32. Of husbands and wiues preuenting each others diſcredit.
§. 32. Of husbands and wives preventing each others discredit.
For the better performing of it, care muſt be had both to preuent and redreſſe an ill name, and alſo to procure and preſerue a goodname.
For the better performing of it, care must be had both to prevent and redress an ill name, and also to procure and preserve a good name.
For the firſt, husbands and wiues may in no caſe delight to416 diſcouer vnto others, and ſpread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the diſcredit of either of them: but rather couer and conceale them as much as they may with a good conſcience. It is expreſſed that417 Ioſeph being a iuſt man laboured to conceale that blemiſh which he imagined to be in his wife, ſo as this may ſtand with iuſtice: yea alſo it is a part of Ioue, for418 loue couereth a multitude of ſinnes.
For the first, husbands and wives may in no case delight to416 discover unto others, and spread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the discredit of either of them: but rather cover and conceal them as much as they may with a good conscience. It is expressed that Joseph being a just man417 laboured to conceal that blemish which he imagined to be in his wife, so as this may stand with justice: yea also it is a part of love, for love covereth a multitude of sins.418
For the ſecond, husbands and wiues muſt not haue their419 eares wide opened to heare euery tale and report that ſhall be brought to one againſt the other, but rather ſhew themſelues diſpleaſed and offended with them that are ready to relate things of euill report. If an husband or wife manifeſt a willingneſſe to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the deuill will ſtirre vp inſtruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and thoſe for the moſt part both friuolous and forged: not only ſtrangers, but children, ſeruants, and they which are of the ſame family will euer be telling ſome tale or other, to currie fauour, as we ſpeake. But an vtter diſlike of ſuch flattering tale-bearers, will take away occaſion from them of telling vntrue, or ſlight reports.
- 419. 2. By cloſing eares againſt ill reports.
For the second, husbands and wives must not have their419 ears wide opened to hear every tale and report that shall be brought to one against the other, but rather show themselves displeased and offended with them that are ready to relate things of evil report. If an husband or wife manifest a willingness to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the devil will stir up instruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and those for the most part both frivolous and forged: not only strangers, but children, servants, and they which are of the same family will ever be telling some tale or other, to curry favour, as we speak. But an utter dislike of such flattering tale-bearers, will take away occasion from them of telling untrue, or slight reports.
- 419. 2. By closing ears against ill reports.
For the third, the iudgement and cenſure which husbands420 and wiues giue one of another muſt either be very charitable, p. 249 or verie ſparing. If one heare reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be ouer-headie or haſtie to iudge and condemne, no though they thinke they ſee ſome euidence thereof, but rather ſuſpend their iudgement. This ſeemeth to be the minde of Ioſeph: though he obſerued Marie to be with421 childe, yet would he not preſently iudge her to be a notorious adultereſſe, or condemne her for an hypocrite, vnworthie to liue, and therefore would not make her a publike example.
For the third, the judgment and censure which husbands420 and wives give one of another must either be very charitable, or very sparing. If one hear reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be over-heady or hasty to judge and condemn, no though they think they see some evidence thereof, but rather suspend their judgment. This seemeth to be the mind of Joseph: though he observed Mary to be with421 child, yet would he not presently judge her to be a notorious adulteress, or condemn her for an hypocrite, unworthy to live, and therefore would not make her a public example.
In briefe, that husbands and wiues may be the more ſparing in cenſuring one another, they muſt not raſhly beleeue any euill report of one another, but rather ſuppreſſe all light ſuſpitions as much as they can.
In brief, that husbands and wives may be the more sparing in censuring one another, they must not rashly believe any evil report of one another, but rather suppress all light suspicions as much as they can.
That the iudgement which they giue one of another, may be charitable, in iudging they muſt well obſerue the properties of loue, which are 1. To interpret doubtfull things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, ſo farre as truth and iuſtice will ſuffer, the faults which are euident. Michal offended againſt422 the firſt in an high degree, and was curſed. Abigail obſerued423 the latter, and was bleſſed.
That the judgment which they give one of another, may be charitable, in judging they must well observe the properties of love, which are 1. To interpret doubtful things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, so far as truth and justice will suffer, the faults which are evident. Michal422 offended against the first in an high degree, and was cursed. Abigail423 observed the latter, and was blessed.
§. 33. Of the wiſdome of husbands and wiues, in redreſſing one anothers ill name.
§. 33. Of the wisdom of husbands and wives, in redressing one anothers ill name.
To redreſſe an ill name, husbands and wiues muſt firſt giue one another notice of the report that goeth of them, and endeuour424 to worke in them both a ſight, and alſo a ſenſe of thoſe euils which are in the mouths of others: after notice giuen, they muſt labour to bring them to repentance of thoſe ſinnes, for which they are ill reported of, and to a manifeſtation of repentance, by doing things meet for repentance, which is by a zealous and conſcionable practiſe of ſuch vettues as are cleane contrarie to the vices for which they were euill ſpoken of. It may with good probabilitie be gathered out of the hiſtorie of the Leuite, whoſe wife plaid the whore, that thus he425 dealt with her. And thus Abigail endeuoured to deale with her husband.426
To redress an ill name, husbands and wives must first give one another notice of the report that goeth of them, and endeavour424 to work in them both a sight, and also a sense of those evils which are in the mouths of others: after notice given, they must labour to bring them to repentance of those sins, for which they are ill reported of, and to a manifestation of repentance, by doing things meet for repentance, which is by a zealous and conscionable practise of such virtues as are clean contrary to the vices for which they were evil spoken of. It may with good probability be gathered out of the history of the Levite,425 whose wife played the whore, that thus he dealt with her. And thus Abigail endeavoured to deal with her husband.426
§. 34. Of husbands and wiues care in procuring one anothers good name.
§. 34. Of husbands and wives care in procuring one anothers good name.
To procure a good report, husbands and wiues muſt427 Firſt, take notice of the good qualities which are in one p. 250 another, and as one hath occaſion to ſpeake of the other, to make thoſe good qualities the ſubiect of their ſpeech: as we428 heard it before commended in the husband of that wife which is deſcribed by Salomon.
To procure a good report, husbands and wives must427 First, take notice of the good qualities which are in one another, and as one hath occasion to speak of the other, to make those good qualities the subject of their speech: as we428 heard it before commended in the husband of that wife which is described by Solomon.
Secondly, they muſt lend a willing and ioyfull eare to ſuch as ſhall (ſo farre as they can conceiue) truly and vnfainedly, without flatterie or hypocriſie, ſpeake any thing in commendation of the one or of the other: not thinking themſelues diſpraiſed (which is the conceit of many) when their bed-fellow is praiſed: but rather hauing their hearts the more enlarged to praiſe God, for beſtowing on them ſuch an excellent token and pledge of his fauour.
Secondly, they must lend a willing and joyful ear to such as shall (so far as they can conceive) truly and unfeignedly, without flattery or hypocrisy, speak any thing in commendation of the one or of the other: not thinking themselves dispraised (which is the conceit of many) when their bed-fellow is praised: but rather having their hearts the more enlarged to praise God, for bestowing on them such an excellent token and pledge of his favour.
Thirdly, they muſt imitate thoſe good things which they behold, or heare to be in one another, and ſo imitate them as they which haue before time knowne both husband and wife, may ſay, this ſhe learned of him, or this he learned of her.
Thirdly, they must imitate those good things which they behold, or hear to be in one another, and so imitate them as they which have before time known both husband and wife, may say, this she learned of him, or this he learned of her.
§. 35. Of husbands and wiues wiſdome, in preſeruing each others good name.
§. 35. Of husbands and wives wisdom, in preserving each others good name.
To preſerue a good name, it will be meet for an husband or429 wife, wiſely and ſeaſonably to giue one another notice of that good fame which is raiſed of them, thereby to prouoke them both to giue glorie to God for the ſame (430 as the Apoſtle thanketh God for that report which was ſpred abroad of the faith and loue of the Coloſsians) and alſo to walke worthie of that good report (as the Apoſtle who had giuen a great teſtimony of the bountie of the Corinthians, earneſtly exhorteth them to finiſh their beneuolence, leſt (ſaith he) I ſhould be aſhamed in431 this my conſtant boaſting.) For if they of whom there is once a good report raiſed, decay, wax cold, grow backward, or fall into notorious and ſcandalous ſinnes, they will cleane extinguiſh and put out their good name among men, and turne it into an euill report, according to that which Salomon ſaith, Dead flies cauſe the ointment of the Apothecarie to ſendforth a432 ſtinking ſauour: ſo doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wiſdome and honour.433
To preserve a good name, it will be meet for an husband or429 wife, wisely and seasonably to give one another notice of that good fame which is raised of them, thereby to provoke them both to give glory to God for the same430 (‸as the Apostle thanketh God for that report which was spread abroad of the faith and love of the Colossians) and also to walk worthy of that good report (as the Apostle who had given a great testimony of the bounty of the Corinthians, earnestly exhorteth them to finish their benevolence, lest (saith he) I should be ashamed in431 this my constant boasting.) For if they of whom there is once a good report raised, decay, wax cold, grow backward, or fall into notorious and scandalous sins, they will clean extinguish and put out their good name among men, and turn it into an evil report, according to that which Solomon saith, Dead flies cause the ointment of the Apothecary to send forth a432 stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour.433
§. 36. Of husbands and wiues like affection towards one anothers credit.
§. 36. Of husbands and wives like affection towards one anothers credit.
In the laſt place, to manifeſt a mutuall prouident care of one p. 251 anothers good name, husbands and wiues muſt be ſo affected with the report that goeth of either of them, as if the report were of their owne ſelues. If the report be good, to be glad thereof, and to reioyce thereat; if it be euill, to be grieued, and after an holy manner vexed at it: thus ſhall they ſhew a true ſympathie and fellow feeling of one anothers credit, according to that generall rule of the Apoſtle,434 Reioyce with them that reioyce, and weepe with them that weepe.
- 434. Rom. 12. 15. [moved in the edition]
In the last place, to manifest a mutual provident care of one anothers good name, husbands and wives must be so affected with the report that goeth of either of them, as if the report were of their own selves. If the report be good, to be glad thereof, and to rejoice thereat; if it be evil, to be grieved, and after an holy manner vexed at it: thus shall they show a true sympathy and fellow feeling of one anothers credit, according to that general rule of the Apostle, Rejoice with them that rejoice, and weep with them that weep.434
- 434. Rom‸ 12:‸15. [moved here by the editor]
§. 37. Of the vices contrarie to that mutuallcare, which man and wife ſhould haue of one anothers credit.
§. 37. Of the vices contrary to that mutual care, which man and wife should have of one anothers credit.
One is a readineſſe to diſgrace and diſcredit one another,436 like Michal the wife of Dauid, of whom we heard before. A hatefull and deteſtable vice this is, which cannot ſtand with437 true matrimoniall loue, but rather argueth an vtter diſlike, and a plaine hatred of one another.
Husbands and wiues diſcredit one another, either by procuring an ill name, or hindring a good name.
Husbands and wives discredit one another, either by procuring an ill name, or hindering a good name.
An ill name in procured by theſe meanes following.
An ill name is procured by these means following.
1. By blazing abroad one anothers infirmities: as when438 tatling Goſsips meet, their vſuall prate is about their husbands, complaining of ſome vice or other in them: My husband, ſaith one, is couetous: I cannot get of him any thing almost: he maketh me goe as no body goeth. And my husband, replieth another, is ſo furious as none can tell how to ſpeake to him: ſo one after another goeth on in this tracke, ſome diſcouering ſuch infirmities as ſhould be concealed; others (which is worſe) plainly belying their huſbands. In like manner alſo husbands when they meet with their boone companions, make their wiues the common ſubiect of all their talke: one accuſing his wife of one vice; another his, of another. There are two reſpects for which this vice (moſt deteſtable in it ſelfe) is made more odious in an husband or a wife. 1. Becauſe they know more then any other of one anothers infirmities: ſo as if they be ſo euilly minded, they may much more diſcredit one another, then any other can. 2. Becauſe in regard p. 252 of their neere vnion they are moſt bound to conceale and couer each others imperfections.439 Cam was curſed for reuealing his fathers nakedneſſe. but a more horrible curſe doe husbands and wiues deſerue, that ſo doe.
1. By blazing abroad one anothers infirmities: as when438 tattling Gossips meet, their usual prate is about their husbands, complaining of some vice or other in them: My husband, saith one, is covetous: I cannot get of him any thing almost: he maketh me go as no body goeth. And my husband, replieth another, is so furious as none can tell how to speak to him: so one after another goeth on in this track, some discovering such infirmities as should be concealed; others (which is worse) plainly belying their husbands. In like manner also husbands when they meet with their boon companions, make their wives the common subject of all their talk: one accusing his wife of one vice; another his, of another. There are two respects for which this vice (most detestable in it self) is made more odious in an husband or a wife. 1. Because they know more then any other of one anothers infirmities: so as if they be so evilly minded, they may much more discredit one another, then any other can. 2. Because in regard of their near union they are most bound to conceal and cover each others imperfections. Ham439 was cursed for revealing his fathers nakedness. But a more horrible curse do husbands and wives deserve, that so do.
2. By opening their eares, and giuing credit to euery light440 report that any ſhall raiſe. More ſecret heart-burning of one againſt the other, and more open quarrels and contentions betwixt them, ordinarily ariſe from hence then from any other thing.
- 440. 2. By hearing and beleeuing others ill reports.
2. By opening their ears, and giving credit to every light440 report that any shall raise. More secret heart-burning of one against the other, and more open quarrels and contentions betwixt them, ordinarily arise from hence then from any other thing.
- 440. 2. By hearing and believing others ill reports.
4. By concealing from one another the common euill rumors442 which are raiſed of them, and are in euery mans mouth: of all other, bedfellowes are moſt fit to diſcloſe ſuch things one to another: and moſt bound to doe it. Moſt fit, becauſe of their mutuall familiaritie: moſt bound, becauſe of their neere vnion.
- 442. 4. By concealing euill rumors.
4. By concealing from one another the common evil rumors442 which are raised of them, and are in every man’s mouth: of all other, bedfellows are most fit to disclose such things one to another: and most bound to do it. Most fit, because of their mutual familiarity: most bound, because of their near union.
- 442. 4. By concealing evil rumors.
Many husbands and wiues doe hinder one anothers good443 name by enuying one at the good report that is made of the other, and gainſaying the ſame: as if the credit of the one muſt needs turne to the diſcredit of the other. Thus as water quencheth hot iron, ſo this enuious diſpoſition is a meanes to extinguiſh the heat of fame, and to put out the glorious light of a good name. Whereby as they impaire the credit and honour of one another, ſo they monſtrouſly diſcredit and diſhonour themſelues.
- 443. 5. By enuying and gaineſaying good reports.
Many husbands and wives do hinder one anothers good443 name by envying one at the good report that is made of the other, and gainsaying the same: as if the credit of the one must needs turn to the discredit of the other. Thus as water quencheth hot iron, so this envious disposition is a means to extinguish the heat of fame, and to put out the glorious light of a good name. Whereby as they impair the credit and honour of one another, so they monstrously discredit and dishonour themselves.
- 443. 5. By envying and gainsaying good reports.
The other generall vice in this kinde, is a careleſſe regard,444 or plaine neglect of one anothers fame: when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife, nor the wife with any of the husband: but as if they were meere ſtrangers one to another, they paſſe by all reports made of one another. What mutuall loue can there be in ſuch? howſoeuer their hands haue beene ioyned together, ſurely their hearts were neuer vnited, ſo as it had beene better they had neuer knowne one another, vnleſſe the Lord doe afterwards knit their hearts, and vnite their affections more neerely and firmely together.
- 444. 2. Neglect of each others fame.
The other general vice in this kind, is a careless regard,444 or plain neglect of one anothers fame: when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife, nor the wife with any of the husband: but as if they were mere strangers one to another, they pass by all reports made of one another. What mutual love can there be in such? Howsoever their hands have been joined together, surely their hearts were never united, so as it had been better they had never known one another, unless the Lord do afterwards knit their hearts, and unite their affections more nearly and firmly together.
- 444. 2. Neglect of each others fame.
§. 38. Of husbands and wiues mutuall prouidence about the goods of the family.
§. 38. Of husbands and wives mutual providence about the goods of the family.
Yet there remaineth one thing more, whereabout husbands445 and wiues ought to manifeſt a mutuall prouident care each ouer other: and that is about the goods of this world. Howſoeuer the husband, while he liueth with his wife, hath the trueſt propertie in them, and the greateſt title vnto them, yet I referre this to thoſe mutuall duties which man and wife owe each to other, in three reſpects.
- 445. Treatiſe 3. §. 29.
Yet there remaineth one thing more, whereabout husbands445 and wives ought to manifest a mutual provident care each over other: and that is about the goods of this world. Howsoever the husband, while he liveth with his wife, hath the truest property in them, and the greatest title unto them, yet I refer this to those mutual duties which man and wife owe each to other, in three respects.
- 445. Treatise 3. §. 29.
Firſt, becauſe in conſcience they appertaine to the vſe of the wife, as well as of the husband.
First, because in conscience they appertain to the use of the wife, as well as of the husband.
Secondly, becauſe the wife is by Gods prouidence appointed a ioynt gouernour with the husband of the familie, and in that reſpect ought to be an helpe in prouiding ſuch a ſufficiencie of the goods of this world, as are needfull for that eſtate wherein God hath ſet them, and for that charge which God hath committed to them.
Secondly, because the wife is by God’s providence appointed a joint governor with the husband of the family, and in that respect ought to be an help in providing such a sufficiency of the goods of this world, as are needful for that estate wherein God hath set them, and for that charge which God hath committed to them.
Thirdly, becauſe the wife, if ſhe ſuruiue the husband, ought to haue ſuch a portion of thoſe goods, as are meet for her place and charge.
Thirdly, because the wife, if she survive the husband, ought to have such a portion of those goods, as are meet for her place and charge.
In theſe reſpects we ſee it requiſite, yea a bounden dutie, that husband and wife, euen in a mutuall regard one of another, be as prouident as they can be with a good conſcience in getting, keeping, and diſpoſing competent goods and riches for the mutuall good one of another. Concerning the huſbands dutie in this reſpect no queſtion is made: the practiſe of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture, the care of prouiding for their446 owne enioyned to them, their place and office to be their wiues head, with many other like arguments, whereof we ſhall more diſtinctly ſpeake, when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands, doe proue as much. The greateſt queſtion is concerning the wife, whether ſhe be bound to take any care about the goods. But if the Scripture be thorowly ſearched, we ſhall finde proofe enough to ſhew that euen ſhe alſo is bound hereunto. For firſt, the generall end which God aimed at in making the woman (namely to be447 an helpe to man) implieth as much: for herein may ſhe be a verie great helpe, as we ſhall ſee by and by in ſundry particulars. 2. That p. 254 generall property attributed to a wife to be448 a good thing, confirmeth as much: for that which is profitable is called good: and it is one reſpect wherein a wife is termed a good thing, that ſhe may by her prouidence and diligence bring much profit to her husband: and therefore in this, among other reſpects, the good wife which Salomon deſcribeth, is ſaid449 to doe good to her husband all the daies of her life: for by her induſtry and prouidence ſhee did ſo preſerue and increaſe his goods, that450 the heart of her husband truſted in her, and he had no need of ſpoile. If the particular actions whereby that good wife is deſcribed be well noted, we may eaſily obſerue that ſhe was an eſpeciall helpe vnto her husband, euen in his outward eſtate. From all which, we may inferre theſe two points. Firſt, that this prouident care about outward temporall goods is lawfull, not vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian man or woman. Secondly, that it is a mutuall dutie appertaining both to husband and wife.
In these respects we see it requisite, yea a bounden duty, that husband and wife, even in a mutual regard one of another, be as provident as they can be with a good conscience in getting, keeping, and disposing competent goods and riches for the mutual good one of another. Concerning the husbands duty in this respect no question is made: the practise of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture, the care of providing for their own446 enjoined to them, their place and office to be their wives head, with many other like arguments, whereof we shall more distinctly speak, when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands, do prove as much. The greatest question is concerning the wife, whether she be bound to take any care about the goods. But if the Scripture be thoroughly searched, we shall find proof enough to show that even she also is bound hereunto. For first, the general end which God aimed at in making the woman (namely to be an help447 to man) implieth as much: for herein may she be a very great help, as we shall see by and by in sundry particulars. 2. That general property attributed to a wife to be a good thing,448 confirmeth as much: for that which is profitable is called good: and it is one respect wherein a wife is termed a good thing, that she may by her providence and diligence bring much profit to her husband: and therefore in this, among other respects, the good wife which Solomon describeth, is said449 to do good to her husband all the days of her life: for by her industry and providence she did so preserve and increase his goods, that the heart of her husband trusted in her, and he had no need of spoil.450 If the particular actions whereby that good wife is described be well noted, we may easily observe that she was an especial help unto her husband, even in his outward estate. From all which, we may infer these two points. First, that this provident care about outward temporal goods is lawful, not unbeseeming a Christian man or woman. Secondly, that it is a mutual duty appertaining both to husband and wife.
For the firſt, how needfull the goods of this world are for preſeruation of life and health, eſtate of the family, good of Church and Common-wealth, releefe of the poore, with the like vſes, no man can be ignorant. God hath giuen them as bleſſings to his children, and that often times in great abundance; and his children haue accordingly beene thankfull for them: ſo as a prouident care about them is not vnlawfull, but very expedient and needfull.
For the first, how needful the goods of this world are for preservation of life and health, estate of the family, good of Church and common-wealth, relief of the poor, with the like uses, no man can be ignorant. God hath given them as blessings to his children, and that often times in great abundance; and his children have accordingly been thankful for them: so as a provident care about them is not unlawful, but very expedient and needful.
For the ſecond, If there ſhould not be a ioint care herein, the care and paines of the one might be altogether in vaine. For ſuppoſe an husband be induſtrious, as451 Iaakob was, and get much abroad, if the wife either by her vnthriftineſſe, idleneſſe, negligence, or the like vices, ſuffer that which is brought home to be embeaſeled and waſted; or by her prodigalitie, brauerie, or loue of vaine companie, conſume it her ſelfe, where will be the profit of the husbands paines? Or on the other ſide, if a wife ſhould be as painfull and proſperous in getting, as452 the good houſwife before mentioned was, and the husband by carding, dicing, drinking, reuelling, or other like meanes ſhould waſte all away, what fruit would remaine of the wiues prouidence? In this mutuall prouident care of husband and wife, each of them muſt haue an eye to their owne place: p. 255 affaires abroad doe moſt appertaine to the man, and are eſpecially453 to be ordered by him: that which the wife is eſpecially to care for, is the buſineſſe of the houſe: for the Apoſtle laieth it downe as a rule for wiues (as we ſhall hereafter more particularly declare) that they454 keepe at home, and455 gouerne the houſe. By this means may they be very profitable each to other.
For the second, If there should not be a joint care herein, the care and pains of the one might be altogether in vain. For suppose an husband be industrious, as Jacob451 was, and get much abroad, if the wife either by her unthriftiness, idleness, negligence, or the like vices, suffer that which is brought home to be embezzled and wasted; or by her prodigality, bravery, or love of vain company, consume it her self, where will be the profit of the husbands pains? Or on the other side, if a wife should be as painful and prosperous in getting, as452 the good housewife before mentioned was, and the husband by carding, dicing, drinking, revelling, or other like means should waste all away, what fruit would remain of the wives providence? In this mutual provident care of husband and wife, each of them must have an eye to their own place: affairs abroad do most appertain to the man, and are especially453 to be ordered by him: that which the wife is especially to care for, is the business of the house: for the Apostle layeth it down as a rule for wives (as we shall hereafter more particularly declare) that they keep at home,454 and govern the house.455 By this means may they be very profitable each to other.
§. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good prouidence of huſband and wife, about the goods of the family.
§. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good providence of husband and wife, about the goods of the family.
Contrary to that dutie, are theſe vices following.
Contrary to that duty, are these vices following.
1. Couetouſneſſe, and ouermuch care for themſelues: as456 when an husband ſo raketh, and ſcrapeth, and hoordeth vp for himſelfe, as he neither affordeth vnto his wife ſo much as is457 meet for her place while he liueth with her, nor thinketh of prouiding ſufficient maintenance for her, if ſhee ouer-liue him, but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law caſteth vpon her. Or when a wife ſecretly hoordeth vp whatſoeuer ſhe can get, either by her owne induſtry, or elſe by purloining from her husband: ſometimes ſelling corne, wares, houſhold-ſtuffe, or other like commodities, ſo priuily as the husband ſhall neuer know it: ſometimes taking money out of his counter, box, bagge, cheſt, or the like, ſo as either it ſhall not be miſſed, or if it be, it ſhall not be knowne who had it. Many there be who in miſtruſt of their husbands prouidence, or in diſlike of them, or on ſome other by-reſpects, commit whatſoeuer they can get to the truſt and cuſtody of others, whereby it oft commeth to paſſe, that they themſelues, meeting with deceitfull friends, are vtterly defeated, euen becauſe they dare not make their fraud knowne. As Couetouſneſſe is in it ſelfe an odious ſinne; ſo it is made much more hainous by defrauding husband or wife, who ought to be as deare each to other as themſelues.
1. Covetousness, and overmuch care for themselves: as456 when an husband so raketh, and scrapeth, and hoardeth up for himself, as he neither affordeth unto his wife so much as is457 meet for her place while he liveth with her, nor thinketh of providing sufficient maintenance for her, if she over-live him, but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law casteth upon her. Or when a wife secretly hoardeth up whatsoever she can get, either by her own industry, or else by purloining from her husband: sometimes selling corn, wares, household-stuff, or other like commodities, so privily as the husband shall never know it: sometimes taking money out of his counter, box, bag, chest, or the like, so as either it shall not be missed, or if it be, it shall not be known who had it. Many there be who in mistrust of their husbands providence, or in dislike of them, or on some other by-respects, commit whatsoever they can get to the trust and custody of others, whereby it oft cometh to pass, that they themselves, meeting with deceitful friends, are utterly defeated, even because they dare not make their fraud known. As Covetousness is in it self an odious sin; so it is made much more heinous by defrauding husband or wife, who ought to be as dear each to other as themselves.
2. Prodigalitie, and too lauiſh ſpending vpon themſelues,458 and thoſe things which are moſt agreeable to their owne corrupt humor: as when husbands without any meane or measure, ſpend their goods abroad in hunting, hauking, carding, dicing, eating, drinking, or the like, and ſuffer their wiues to want at home, and yet tooke their wiues to maintaine them, and therefore had their portion. Or when wiues bring their p. 256 husbands into debt, and weaken, if not cleane ouerthrow their eſtate, by gorgeous decking and adorning their houſes, by braue and coſtly apparell, by dainty fare, by goſſipping abroad, with the like. Many wiues are ſo violent herein, that if their deſire and humour be not ſatisfied, their husbands ſhall haue no reſt (forſooth they brought a portion, and maintained they muſt and will be; it skilleth not whether their husbands eſtate can beare it or no) in ſo much as many are forced wittingly, for quietneſſe ſake, to ſuffer their eſtate to ſinke. O fooliſh and wretched wiues! how little do they conſider that they were maried to doe their husbands good, and not euill all the daies of their life? is this to be an helpe to man? or rather is it not cleane to thwart Gods counſell, and peruert his purpoſe? can we thinke that God will forbeare, and not be auenged of them? yet much more will God be auenged of the forenamed husbands, becauſe of that image of himſelfe which he hath placed in them, and becauſe of that place and authority wherein he hath ſet them. The Apoſtle expreſly ſaith of them, that they are worſe then Infidels, which being ſo, they muſt looke for459 the greater iudgement.
2. Prodigality, and too lavish spending upon themselves,458 and those things which are most agreeable to their own corrupt humor: as when husbands without any mean or measure, spend their goods abroad in hunting, hawking, carding, dicing, eating, drinking, or the like, and suffer their wives to want at home, and yet took their wives to maintain them, and therefore had their portion. Or when wives bring their husbands into debt, and weaken, if not clean overthrow their estate, by gorgeous decking and adorning their houses, by brave and costly apparel, by dainty fare, by gossipping abroad, with the like. Many wives are so violent herein, that if their desire and humour be not satisfied, their husbands shall have no rest (forsooth they brought a portion, and maintained they must and will be; it skilleth not whether their husbands estate can bear it or no) in so much as many are forced wittingly, for quietness sake, to suffer their estate to sink. O foolish and wretched wives! How little do they consider that they were married to do their husbands good, and not evil all the days of their life? Is this to be an help to man? Or rather is it not clean to thwart God’s counsel, and pervert his purpose? Can we think that God will forbear, and not be avenged of them? Yet much more will God be avenged of the forenamed husbands, because of that image of himself which he hath placed in them, and because of that place and authority wherein he hath set them. The Apostle expressly saith of them, that they are worse then Infidels,459 which being so, they must look for the greater judgment.
3. Idleneſſe, and a careleſſe neglect of their eſtate. Many460 men ſpend day after day, like a bird that flieth vp and downe, as it falleth out, from tree to tree, from twigge to twigge: they goe from place to place, but know not for what end: as they meet with any company, ſo they abide as long as the company tarrieth, and then ſeeke after other company, and are ready to goe with any to Ale-houſe, Tauerne, Play-houſe, Bowlingalley, or other like places. Many women alſo ſpend all the forenoone in lying a bed and tyring themſelues, and the afternoone as occaſion is offered in ſitting idly at home, or walking forth to little purpoſe, but only to weare out time, little regarding their husbands eſtate, whether it increaſe, or diminiſh. Thus by the idleneſſe and careleſneſſe of husband and wife, come faire eſtates many times to ruine, and both of then brought to penury and beggery.
- 460. 3. Idleneſſe.
3. Idleness, and a careless neglect of their estate. Many460 men spend day after day, like a bird that flieth up and down, as it falleth out, from tree to tree, from twig to twig: they go from place to place, but know not for what end: as they meet with any company, so they abide as long as the company tarrieth, and then seek after other company, and are ready to go with any to Ale-house, Tavern, Play-house, Bowling-alley, or other like places. Many women also spend all the forenoon in lying a bed and tiring themselves, and the afternoon as occasion is offered in sitting idly at home, or walking forth to little purpose, but only to wear out time, little regarding their husbands estate, whether it increase, or diminish. Thus by the idleness and carelessness of husband and wife, come fair estates many times to ruin, and both of them brought to penury and beggary.
- 460. 3. Idleness.
Serving Together in Family Ministry
Serving Together in Family Ministry
§. 40. Of husbands and wiues ioint care in gouerning the family.
§. 40. Of husbands and wives joint care in governing the family.
Hitherto I haue deliuered ſuch common duties as mutually p. 257 reſpect the husband and wife, and are to be performed of each to other. There are other common duties which they are both iointly bound to performe to other perſons: and thoſe either members of the family, or ſtrangers comming to the family.
Hitherto I have delivered such common duties as mutually respect the husband and wife, and are to be performed of each to other. There are other common duties which they are both jointly bound to perform to other persons: and those either members of the family, or strangers coming to the family.
Concerning the members of the family, though there be ſome peculiar duties belonging to the maſter, and ſome to the miſtreſſe, ſome to the father, and ſome to the mother, of which we ſhall ſpeake in their due place; yet in generall the gouernment of the family, and the ſeuerall members thereof belongeth to the husband and wife both (if at leaſt they haue a family) and a ioint common dutie it is to be helpfull one to another therein.
Concerning the members of the family, though there be some peculiar duties belonging to the master, and some to the mistress, some to the father, and some to the mother, of which we shall speak in their due place; yet in general the government of the family, and the several members thereof belongeth to the husband and wife both (if at least they have a family) and a joint common duty it is to be helpful one to another therein.
Obiect. Seeing it is not neceſſarily required, that a huſband and wife ſhould haue a family to gouerne, for two may be maried and haue neither children nor ſeruants (as many are) and yet be true husband and wife; why is this care of a family ranked among the duties of husband and wife?
Object. Seeing it is not necessarily required, that a husband and wife should have a family to govern, for two may be married and have neither children nor servants (as many are) and yet be true husband and wife; why is this care of a family ranked among the duties of husband and wife?
Anſw. 1. Becauſe ordinarily when two are maried they gather a family, and are the gouernours thereof: ſo as though it faile in ſome particulars, yet for the moſt part it holdeth.
Answ. 1. Because ordinarily when two are married they gather a family, and are the governors thereof: so as though it fail in some particulars, yet for the most part it holdeth.
2. Becauſe the ioint gouernment whereof I ſpeake in this place is by vertue of the mariage-bond: for if a man and a woman ſhould liue together in an houſe, and by mutuall conſent haue a ioint authority and gouernment, this would be very offenſiue to all that ſhould know it, or heare of it: neither were they by any ordinance of God bound to be ſo helpfull one to another as husband and wife: nor the members of a family ſo bound to ſubiect themſelues to both.
2. Because the joint government whereof I speak in this place is by virtue of the marriage-bond: for if a man and a woman should live together in an house, and by mutual consent have a joint authority and government, this would be very offensive to all that should know it, or hear of it: neither were they by any ordinance of God bound to be so helpful one to another as husband and wife: nor the members of a family so bound to subject themselves to both.
3. The duty whereof I ſpeake, though it be about the gouernment of a family, yet hath it reſpect to an huſband as he is an husband, and to a wife as ſhee is a wife; namely, that by vertue of their mariage-bond, and neere vnion, they be helpfull one to another in well-ordering the things of the family.
3. The duty whereof I speak, though it be about the government of a family, yet hath it respect to an husband as he is an husband, and to a wife as she is a wife; namely, that by virtue of their marriage-bond, and near union, they be helpful one to another in well-ordering the things of the family.
Whether the man ought to look to the good gouernment of p. 258 his houſe is a queſtion without all queſtion. He is the higheſt in the family, and hath both authoritie ouer all, and the charge of all is committed to his charge: he is as a king in his owne houſe: as a king is to ſee that land well gouerned where he is king, ſo he that is the chiefe ruler in an houſe. The dutie which the Apoſtle applieth in particular to Biſhops & Deacons, in generall appertaineth to all husbands,461 that they rule their owne houſe honeſtly: and againe,462 that they be ſuch as can rule their children well, and their owne houſholds. The care of many huſbands is in this reſpect commended in Scripture, as of463 Abram, of464 Iaakob, of465 Ioſuah, of466 Dauid, the467 Ruler at Galile, and of many other. That the wife alſo ought to be an helpe to him therein, is very euident: for the Apoſtle layeth it expreſly to their charge,468 that they gouerne the houſe: would the Wiſe man haue ſo highly commended a wife469 for well gouerning her huſbands houſe if it had not appertained to her? It is very likely that wiſe Abigail had a great hand in gouerning Nabals houſe, becauſe the ſeruants made complaint to her of Nabals churliſhneſſe, and becauſe ſhe had the ſeruants at command, readily to doe what ſhe would haue them; yea alſo, becauſe ſhe could ſo readily prepare ſuch ſtore of prouiſion for Dauid and his men, as ſhe did. Hence is it that the wife is called470 miſtreſſe of the houſe, as well as the husband471 maſter of the houſe.
- 461. 1 Tim. 3. 4.
- 462. Verſ. 12.
- 463. Gen. 18. 19. [moved in the edition]
- 464. & 35. 2, &c. [moved in the edition]
- 465. Joſ. 2 4. 15. [moved in the edition]
- 466. Pſal. 101. 2. &c. [moved in the edition]
- 467. Ioh. 4 53.
- 468. 1 Tim. 5. 14.
- 469. Prou. 31. 11, &c.
- 470. Mater-familias. [moved in the edition]
- 471. Pater-familias. [moved in the edition]
Whether the man ought to look to the good government of his house is a question without all question. He is the highest in the family, and hath both authority over all, and the charge of all is committed to his charge: he is as a king in his own house: as a king is to see that land well governed where he is king, so he that is the chief ruler in an house. The duty which the Apostle applieth in particular to Bishops & Deacons, in general appertaineth to all husbands,461 that they rule their own house honestly: and again,462 that they be such as can rule their children well, and their own households. The care of many husbands is in this respect commended in Scripture, as of Abram,463 of Jacob,464 of Joshua,465 of David,466 the467 Ruler at Galilee, and of many other. That the wife also ought to be an help to him therein, is very evident: for the Apostle layeth it expressly to their charge,468 that they govern the house: would the Wise man have so highly commended a wife469 for well governing her husbands house if it had not appertained to her? It is very likely that wise Abigail had a great hand in governing Nabal’s house, because the servants made complaint to her of Nabal’s churlishness, and because she had the servants at command, readily to do what she would have them; yea also, because she could so readily prepare such store of provision for David and his men, as she did. Hence is it that the wife is called mistress of the house,470 as well as the husband master of the house.471
- 461. 1 Tim‸ 3:‸4.
- 462. Vers. 12.
- 463. Gen‸ 18:‸19. [moved here by the editor]
- 464. Gen 35:‸2, etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
- 465. Josh 24:‸15. [moved here by the editor]
- 466. Ps 101:‸2. etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
- 467. John 4:‸53.
- 468. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸14.
- 469. Prov‸ 31:‸11, etc‸.
- 470. Mater-familias. [moved here by the editor]
- 471. Pater-familias. [moved here by the editor]
Anſw. 1. That branch of teaching hath reſpect to publike aſſemblies, and Churches, in which ſhe may not teach: but not to priuate families, in which ſhe may, and ought to teach: for473 Barthſhebah taught Salomon. When474 Apollos was brought to the houſe of Aquila, Priſcilla the wife of Aquila did helpe to expound to Apollos the way of God more perfectly.
Answ. 1. That branch of teaching hath respect to public assemblies, and Churches, in which she may not teach: but not to private families, in which she may, and ought to teach: for Bathsheba473 taught Solomon. When Apollos474 was brought to the house of Aquila, Priscilla the wife of Aquila did help to expound to Apollos the way of God more perfectly.
2. The other branch concerning authoritie, hath not reference to the inferiour members in the family, ouer which the wife of an houſhold gouernour hath authoritie, but only to the husband, ouer whom if ſhe take any authoritie, ſhe vſurpeth it. Therfore neither this place of Scripture, nor any other doth exclude the wife, being iointly conſidered with the husband, to rule & gouerne thoſe in the family which are vnder them both.
2. The other branch concerning authority, hath not reference to the inferior members in the family, over which the wife of an household governor hath authority, but only to the husband, over whom if she take any authority, she usurpeth it. Therefore neither this place of Scripture, nor any other doth exclude the wife, being jointly considered with the husband, to rule & govern those in the family which are under them both.
p. 259 2. Obiect. This ioint gouernment of the wife doth much impaire the dignity and authority of the husband.
2. Object. This joint government of the wife doth much impair the dignity and authority of the husband.
Anſw. Nothing leſſe: for ſhe is ſubordinate to her husband, and muſt ſo rule others as ſhe be ſubiect to her husband, and not command any thing againſt his command, (prouided that his command be not againſt the Lord, and his word.) We ſee that in all eſtates the king or higheſt gouernour hath other Magiſtrates vnder him, who haue a command ouer the ſubiects, and yet thereby the kings ſupreme authoritie is no whit impaired, but rather the better eſtabliſhed, and he the more honoured. So is it in a family.475
- 475. 1. Reaſon. Husbands and wiues by their mutuall aſſiſtance bring great help one to another. Plus vident oculi quàm oculus. Ariſt. Polit. li. 3. c. 7.
Answ. Nothing less: for she is subordinate to her husband, and must so rule others as she be subject to her husband, and not command any thing against his command, (provided that his command be not against the Lord, and his word.) We see that in all estates the king or highest governor hath other Magistrates under him, who have a command over the subjects, and yet thereby the kings supreme authority is no whit impaired, but rather the better established, and he the more honoured. So is it in a family.475
- 475. 1. Reason. Husbands and wives by their mutual assistance bring great help one to another. Plus vident oculi quàm oculus. Arist. Polit. li. 3. c. 7.
Let therefore husbands and wiues herein aſſiſt one another, for ſo they may be very helpfull one to another, and bring, by their mutuall helpe in gouerning, much good to the family. The husband by his helpe aiding his wife, addeth much authoritie vnto her, and ſo cauſeth that ſhe is not deſpiſed, nor lightly eſteemed. The wife by her helpe cauſeth many things to be eſpied, and ſo redreſſed, which otherwiſe might neuer haue beene found out: for two eies ſee more then one, eſpecially when one of thoſe is more at hand, and in preſence, as the476 wife is in the houſe.
- 476. 2. Reaſon. Many things in a family more fit for the one to meddle with, then for the other.
Let therefore husbands and wives herein assist one another, for so they may be very helpful one to another, and bring, by their mutual help in governing, much good to the family. The husband by his help aiding his wife, addeth much authority unto her, and so causeth that she is not despised, nor lightly esteemed. The wife by her help causeth many things to be espied, and so redressed, which otherwise might never have been found out: for two eyes see more then one, especially when one of those is more at hand, and in presence, as the476 wife is in the house.
- 476. 2. Reason. Many things in a family more fit for the one to meddle with, then for the other.
Beſides there are many things in well gouerning a family more fit for one to meddle withall then for the other: as for the husband to meddle with the great and weightie affaires of the family (as performing Gods worſhip, appointing and ſetling good orders, prouiding conuenient houſe-roome, and other neceſſaries for the family: keeping children when they grow477 great, or waxe ſtubborne, in awe: ruling men ſeruants, with the like) And for the wife to meddle with ſome leſſe, but very needfull matters, as nouriſhing and inſtructing children when they are young, adorning the houſe, ordering the prouiſion brought into the houſe, ruling maid ſeruants, with the like. Yea further, as the man eſpecially is to performe the very actions of prayer, reading the word, catechizing, and other like duties in the family, ſo the wife may be a great helpe in putting her husband in minde both of the dutie it ſelfe, and of the time of performing it, and incouraging him to doe it, in gathering the family together, and exhorting them to be forward, p. 260 in making her ſelfe an example to the reſt by her diligent and reuerend attention, in oft vrging and preſſing to her children and ſeruants ſuch points of inſtruction as her husband hath taught; yea, in praying, reading, teaching, and performing like exerciſes her ſelfe, ſo farre as ſhe is able, when her huſband is abſent, or negligent and careleſſe, and will not himſelfe doe them; or it may be, is not able to doe them: or if ſhe performe them not her ſelfe, in getting ſome other to performe them.
- 477. In familia diſpertita ſunt officia: ſuntꝗ alia viri, alia vxoris propria. Pro▪ ſunt ergo vterꝗ alteri ſua in commune confe rentes: ob eamꝗ cauſam ſuauitas in hac tali amicitia ineſt, vtilitaſꝗ maxima. Ariſt. Eth. li. 8. ca. 12.
Besides there are many things in well governing a family more fit for one to meddle withal then for the other: as for the husband to meddle with the great and weighty affairs of the family (as performing God’s worship, appointing and settling good orders, providing convenient house-room, and other necessaries for the family: keeping children when they grow477 great, or wax stubborn, in awe: ruling men servants, with the like.) And for the wife to meddle with some less, but very needful matters, as nourishing and instructing children when they are young, adorning the house, ordering the provision brought into the house, ruling maid servants, with the like. Yea further, as the man especially is to perform the very actions of prayer, reading the word, catechizing, and other like duties in the family, so the wife may be a great help in putting her husband in mind both of the duty it self, and of the time of performing it, and encouraging him to do it, in gathering the family together, and exhorting them to be forward, in making her self an example to the rest by her diligent and reverend attention, in oft urging and pressing to her children and servants such points of instruction as her husband hath taught; yea, in praying, reading, teaching, and performing like exercises her self, so far as she is able, when her husband is absent, or negligent and careless, and will not himself do them; or it may be, is not able to do them: or if she perform them not her self, in getting some other to perform them.
- 477. In familia dispertita sunt officia: suntque alia viri, alia vxoris propria. Prosunt ergo vterque alteri sua in commune conferentes: ob eamque causam suauitas in hac tali amicitia inest, vtilitasque maxima. Arist. Eth. li. 8. ca. 12.
§. 41. Of the vices contrary to a ioint care of gouerning the family.
§. 41. Of the vices contrary to a joint care of governing the family.
Many a husband becauſe the wiues office is eſpecially to479 abide at home, will put off all gouernment to the wife: leauing it to her not only to order the things in the houſe, but alſo to bring in all needful things, to order and gouerne the children both young and old, yea euen to prouide for them alſo, to take in, to put out, to vſe all ſorts of ſeruants as pleaſeth her: yea, if ſeruants ſhall be ſtubborne and ſtout againſt her, he will take no notice of it, nor endure to be told of it, much leſſe afford her his aſſiſtance, but ſuffer her to be diſgraced and deſpiſed. As for religious duties, he will no way meddle with them. Oh baſe minded men, vnworthy to be huſbands and heads of wiues! ſhall your wiues who were made to be an helpe to you, haue no helpe from you, no not in thoſe things which eſpecially belong to your charge? ſhall the weaker veſſels beare all the burden? Aſſuredly as the man carrieth away the greateſt reputation and honour when a family is well gouerned (though it be by the ioynt care and wiſdome of his wife) ſo lieth he moſt open to the iudgement of God if the gouernment thereof be neglected, and through the neglect thereof, children and ſeruants grow impious: inſtance480 Elie, and481 Dauid. For as in a common-wealth, the greateſt honour of good gouernment, victorious battels, happy peace, and proſperity, and the greateſt diſhonor and dammage of the contrary, redoundeth to the king, ſo to the man who is chiefe gouernour in a family: for it is preſuppoſed, that all which doe any good are inſtruments of p. 261 the higheſt gouernour: if any euill or miſchiefe fall out, that it is through his negligence.
Many a husband because the wives office is especially to479 abide at home, will put off all government to the wife: leaving it to her not only to order the things in the house, but also to bring in all needful things, to order and govern the children both young and old, yea even to provide for them also, to take in, to put out, to use all sorts of servants as pleaseth her: yea, if servants shall be stubborn and stout against her, he will take no notice of it, nor endure to be told of it, much less afford her his assistance, but suffer her to be disgraced and despised. As for religious duties, he will no way meddle with them. Oh base minded men, unworthy to be husbands and heads of wives! Shall your wives who were made to be an help to you, have no help from you, no not in those things which especially belong to your charge? Shall the weaker vessels bear all the burden? Assuredly as the man carrieth away the greatest reputation and honour when a family is well governed (though it be by the joint care and wisdom of his wife) so lieth he most open to the judgment of God if the government thereof be neglected, and through the neglect thereof, children and servants grow impious: instance Eli,480 and David.481 For as in a common-wealth, the greatest honour of good government, victorious battles, happy peace, and prosperity, and the greatest dishonor and damage of the contrary, redoundeth to the king, so to the man who is chief governor in a family: for it is presupposed, that all which do any good are instruments of the highest governor: if any evil or mischief fall out, that it is through his negligence.
On the other ſide, becauſe the husband is the moſt principall,482 many wiues thinke that the gouernment of the family nothing at all appertaines to them, and thereupon are careleſſe of the good thereof, and will not ſtirre their leaſt finger to order any thing aright: but, if any thing be amiſſe, lay all the blame on their husbands. Doe not ſuch peruert that maine end for which God made them, euen to be an helpe? Doe they not carrie themſelues moſt vnworthy of the place wherein God hath ſet them, namely to be ioynt-gouernours with their husbands, and partakers of their dignities? As by their negligence they make themſelues acceſſary to all the euill which falleth out in the family, ſo aſſuredly ſhall they haue their part in thoſe iudgements which are executed on the head thereof.
- 482. 2. When wiues refuſe to adde their aide.
On the other side, because the husband is the most principal,482 many wives think that the government of the family nothing at all appertains to them, and thereupon are careless of the good thereof, and will not stir their least finger to order any thing aright: but, if any thing be amiss, lay all the blame on their husbands. Do not such pervert that main end for which God made them, even to be an help? Do they not carry themselves most unworthy of the place wherein God hath set them, namely to be joint-governors with their husbands, and partakers of their dignities? As by their negligence they make themselves accessary to all the evil which falleth out in the family, so assuredly shall they have their part in those judgments which are executed on the head thereof.
- 482. 2. When wives refuse to add their aid.
Moſt contrary to the forenamed dutie is the practiſe of483 ſuch as are hindrances one to another in gouerning the family: as when wiues are not only negligent themſelues in comming to religious exerciſes, but keepe backe children and ſeruants, and ſo are a great griefe vnto their religious huſbands: or when they vſe any of the children or ſeruants to be inſtruments of iniquity; or are themſelues diſquiet and troubleſome in the houſe, like to her of whom Salomon ſpeaketh in this prouerbe, It is better to dwell in the corner of the houſe484 top, then with a contentious woman in a wide houſe.
Most contrary to the forenamed duty is the practise of483 such as are hindrances one to another in governing the family: as when wives are not only negligent themselves in coming to religious exercises, but keep back children and servants, and so are a great grief unto their religious husbands: or when they use any of the children or servants to be instruments of iniquity; or are themselves disquiet and troublesome in the house, like to her of whom Solomon speaketh in this proverb, It is better to dwell in the corner of the house484 top, then with a contentious woman in a wide house.
Husbands alſo are oft an hinderance to that good gouernment which their wiues would helpe forward, when they ſcoffe and ſcorne at that good counſell which their wiues giue them for that purpoſe, or when they will not ſuffer their wiues to meddle with any thing at all, nor endure that they ſhould finde any fault, much leſſe take in hand to redreſſe any thing that is amiſſe. Theſe and ſuch like peruerſe diſpoſitions are in husbands and wiues, whereby it commeth to paſſe that they who were ioyned together to be a mutuall helpe each to other, proue heauy, yea intolerable burdens.
Husbands also are oft an hindrance to that good government which their wives would help forward, when they scoff and scorn at that good counsel which their wives give them for that purpose, or when they will not suffer their wives to meddle with any thing at all, nor endure that they should find any fault, much less take in hand to redress any thing that is amiss. These and such like perverse dispositions are in husbands and wives, whereby it cometh to pass that they who were joined together to be a mutual help each to other, prove heavy, yea intolerable burdens.
§. 42. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in hoſpitality.
§. 42. Of husbands and wives mutual help in hospitality.
The next common duty of husband and wife reſpecteth p. 262 ſuch as come to their houſe, but are no particular members thereof, whether they be kindred, alliance, acquaintance, or ſtrangers, eſpecially if they be Saints, to whom485 hoſpitality, that is, a kinde and courteous entertainment, is due. Herein therefore muſt husbands and wiues be helpfull one to another: for as it is required of486 husbands, ſo alſo of487 wiues to be harborous, namely while they are maried, together with their husbands, and when they are widowes, of themſelues.488 Abraham and Sarah were herein an helpe one to another, when the three Angels in ſhapes of men came to their houſe: ſo were489 the Shunemite and her husband when Eliſha the Prophet came to their houſe.
The next common duty of husband and wife respecteth such as come to their house, but are no particular members thereof, whether they be kindred, alliance, acquaintance, or strangers, especially if they be Saints, to whom hospitality,485 that is, a kind and courteous entertainment, is due. Herein therefore must husbands and wives be helpful one to another: for as it is required of486 husbands, so also of487 wives to be harborous, namely while they are married, together with their husbands, and when they are widows, of themselves. Abraham488 and Sarah were herein an help one to another, when the three Angels in shapes of men came to their house: so were489 the Shunammite and her husband when Elisha the Prophet came to their house.
For hoſpitality, that it is a commendable dutie belonging490 to ſuch as are houſe-keepers and able to giue entertainment, is euident by the precepts and examples before ſpecified, as alſo by the bleſſing which God thereupon hath brought to the houſes of them that were giuen thereunto, which the Apoſtle intimateth in theſe words,491 thereby ſome haue entertained Angels vnawares. Now therfore husbands and wiues being (as we haue heard) ioynt gouernours, as in other things, ſo in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other, and that for theſe reaſons.
For hospitality, that it is a commendable duty belonging490 to such as are house-keepers and able to give entertainment, is evident by the precepts and examples before specified, as also by the blessing which God thereupon hath brought to the houses of them that were given thereunto, which the Apostle intimateth in these words, thereby some have entertained Angels unawares.491 Now therefore husbands and wives being (as we have heard) joint governors, as in other things, so in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other, and that for these reasons.
1. Becauſe in giuing entertainment there are ſundry492 things to be done, whereof ſome are proper to the husbands place, and ſome to the wiues. To take order for the prouiſion of things without doores is more fit for the husband,493 Abraham did it: to order the ſmaller things within doores is more fit for the wife; that was left to494 Sarah.
1. Because in giving entertainment there are sundry492 things to be done, whereof some are proper to the husbands place, and some to the wives. To take order for the provision of things without doors is more fit for the husband, Abraham493 did it: to order the smaller things within doors is more fit for the wife; that was left to Sarah.494
3. Becauſe a mutuall conſent, and cheerefull help herein will496 be an eſpeciall means, as to manifeſt their mutuall affection, ſo to hold the hearts of man and wife firme and cloſe together, and make them the better like and loue one the other: eſpecially if the husband ſhall ſhew himſelfe as ready and willing to entertaine his wiues friends and kindred as his owne, and ſo the wife her husbands (as they ought.) For as they themſelues p. 263 are made one fleſh, ſo ought each of them to eſteeme of the others friends as of their owne.
- 496. 4. Mutuall loue will be more firme.
3. Because a mutual consent, and cheerful help herein will496 be an especial means, as to manifest their mutual affection, so to hold the hearts of man and wife firm and close together, and make them the better like and love one the other: especially if the husband shall show himself as ready and willing to entertain his wives friends and kindred as his own, and so the wife her husbands (as they ought.) For as they themselves are made one flesh, so ought each of them to esteem of the others friends as of their own.
- 496. 4. Mutual love will be more firm.
§. 43. Of vices contrary to mutuall helpe in hoſpitality.
§. 43. Of vices contrary to mutual help in hospitality.
Contrary to this dutie is for the moſt part couetouſneſſe in the husband, and laſineſſe in the wife. The man, becauſe the charge of the family lieth on him, diſtruſtfully feareth leſt he ſhould want for his owne.
Contrary to this duty is for the most part covetousness in the husband, and laziness in the wife. The man, because the charge of the family lieth on him, distrustfully feareth lest he should want for his own.
I denie not but that a prouident care for our owne, & namely for them of the family, is needfull and commendable,498 he that prouideth not for them is worſe then an infidell: ſo as a man may be ouerlauiſh in giuing entertainment, if he goe beyond his meanes, impoueriſh his eſtate, and diſable himſelfe to prouide for his owne, as many doe: yet when a man hath ſufficient, yea and abundance, when there is no iuſt cauſe, but meerely vpon an vndue feare too carkingly, and diſtruſtfully to pinch, and grudge to giue entertaiment to any, is vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian, yea alſo to be worſe then an infidell; not worthy to haue an houſe, or any thing fit for entertainment; no nor worthy of common ſociety.
- 498. 1 Tim. 5. 8. [moved in the edition]
I deny not but that a provident care for our own, & namely for them of the family, is needful and commendable, he that provideth not for them is worse then an infidel:498 so as a man may be overlavish in giving entertainment, if he go beyond his means, impoverish his estate, and disable himself to provide for his own, as many do: yet when a man hath sufficient, yea and abundance, when there is no just cause, but merely upon an undue fear too carkingly, and distrustfully to pinch, and grudge to give entertainment to any, is unbeseeming a Christian, yea also to be worse then an infidel; not worthy to have an house, or any thing fit for entertainment; no nor worthy of common society.
- 498. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸8. [moved here by the editor]
The woman on the other ſide grudgeth at the paines ſhe muſt take, and trouble ſhe muſt vndergoe about entertaining gueſts, and thereupon is loth that any at any time ſhould come to their houſe.
The woman on the other side grudgeth at the pains she must take, and trouble she must undergo about entertaining guests, and thereupon is loth that any at any time should come to their house.
Concerning a wife, I denie not but that an husband may be in this kinde ouerburdenſome to her, by being too ioueall, as they ſpeake, and bringing gueſts too often into the houſe, eſpecially if they be gueſts of no good name; and by that meanes make her euen weary of her life: but yet for a wife to refuſe all paines in that kinde, and to be diſcontented when her husband inuites any friends, or when any come (as the three Angels did to Abraham) vnawares, argueth not a louing affection, nor a wiuelike ſubiection vnto her husband, to be in her.
Concerning a wife, I deny not but that an husband may be in this kind overburdensome to her, by being too jovial, as they speak, and bringing guests too often into the house, especially if they be guests of no good name; and by that means make her even weary of her life: but yet for a wife to refuse all pains in that kind, and to be discontented when her husband invites any friends, or when any come (as the three Angels did to Abraham) unawares, argueth not a loving affection, nor a wivelike subjection unto her husband, to be in her.
Theſe faults are ſo much the greater when the husband, or wife, are free and forward in entertaining their owne kindred p. 264 and friends: but are backward, and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred. Hence commonly ariſeth much heart-burning of one againſt the other: yea much iarre and contention betwixt them: and from diſlike of the practiſe of one another in this kinde oft followeth a diſlike of one anothers perſon: ſo that as the fault is bad in it ſelfe, it proues to be much worſe in the miſchiefes that follow vpon it.
These faults are so much the greater when the husband, or wife, are free and forward in entertaining their own kindred and friends: but are backward, and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred. Hence commonly ariseth much heart-burning of one against the other: yea much jar and contention betwixt them: and from dislike of the practise of one another in this kind oft followeth a dislike of one anothers person: so that as the fault is bad in it self, it proves to be much worse in the mischiefs that follow upon it.
§. 44. Of husbands and wiues mutuall helpe in releeuing the poore.
§. 44. Of husbands and wives mutual help in relieving the poor.
The laſt common and ioynt dutie wherein husband and wife ought to be helpfull each to other, reſpecteth thoſe that are without the houſe, namely the poore, and ſuch as ſtand in need of their helpe, who are to be releeued and ſuccoured. Becauſe man and wife vſually meale together, and are ioynt partakers of Gods good creatures, they muſt put one another in minde of that precept of charity which was giuen to the Iewes when they were at their meales,499 ſend part vnto them for whom none is prouided. The good wife which is ſet forth by the holy Ghoſt for a patterne and example vnto others to follow, together with her husband, are noted to be helpfull one to another in this dutie: for ſhe is ſaid500 to ſtretch out her hand to the poore, and to the needy: and he is ſaid501 to praiſe her, thereby incouraging her to hold on in doing thoſe good things which ſhe did. What liberty the wife hath, or howfar forth ſhe may be reſtrained in caſe her husband vtterly refuſe to giue conſent, we ſhall502 hereafter declare in the particular duties of wiues: the point here noted is, that both the huſband himſelfe muſt according to his abilitie be bountifull to the poore, and ſuffer his wife, yea prouoke her ſo to be, and withall allow her wherewithall to be bountifull: and that the wife alſo muſt ſtirre vp her husband to liberalitie in this reſpect, and her ſelfe open her hand to the poore in the things which lawfully ſhe may giue.
The last common and joint duty wherein husband and wife ought to be helpful each to other, respecteth those that are without the house, namely the poor, and such as stand in need of their help, who are to be relieved and succoured. Because man and wife usually meal together, and are joint partakers of God’s good creatures, they must put one another in mind of that precept of charity which was given to the Jews when they were at their meals, send part unto them for whom none is provided.499 The good wife which is set forth by the Holy Ghost for a pattern and example unto others to follow, together with her husband, are noted to be helpful one to another in this duty: for she is said to stretch out her hand to the poor, and to the needy:500 and he is said to praise her,501 thereby encouraging her to hold on in doing those good things which she did. What liberty the wife hath, or how far forth she may be restrained in case her husband utterly refuse to give consent, we shall502 hereafter declare in the particular duties of wives: the point here noted is, that both the husband himself must according to his ability be bountiful to the poor, and suffer his wife, yea provoke her so to be, and withal allow her wherewithal to be bountiful: and that the wife also must stir up her husband to liberality in this respect, and her self open her hand to the poor in the things which lawfully she may give.
There is nothing wherby a man or wife can bring more profit to the houſe, then by giuing to the poore: that which is giuen p. 265 to the poore is503 lent to the Lord, and he will repay it with great increaſe: it is as504 ſeed, which being liberally ſowen, will bring forth a plentifull harueſt: yea, it is a meanes to make vs505 friends, to ſpeake a good word for vs at the barre of Chriſts iudgement ſeat: and it bringeth not only the506 bleſſing of men, but507 of God alſo, euen the greateſt bleſsing of all, the508 bleſsing of eternall life: for it is509 a ſacrifice with which God is well pleaſed. The Apoſtle noteth this to be one of Chriſts oracles, which by word of mouth he left vnto his Diſciples,510 It is more bleſſed to giue then to receiue.
- 503. Prou. 19. 17. [moved in the edition]
- 504. 2 Cor. 9. 6. [moved in the edition]
- 505. Luke 16. 9. [moved in the edition]
- 506. Iob 29. 13. & 31. 20. [moved in the edition]
- 507. Matth. 5. 7. [moved in the edition]
- 508. Mat. 25. 34.
- 509. Heb. 13. 16. [moved in the edition]
- 510. Acts 20. 35. [moved in the edition]
There is nothing whereby a man or wife can bring more profit to the house, then by giving to the poor: that which is given to the poor is lent to the Lord, and he will repay it with great increase:503 it is as seed,504 which being liberally sown, will bring forth a plentiful harvest: yea, it is a means to make us friends,505 to speak a good word for us at the bar of Christ’s judgment seat: and it bringeth not only the blessing of men,506 but of God507 also, even the greatest blessing of all, the508 blessing of eternal life: for it is a sacrifice with which God is well pleased.509 The Apostle noteth this to be one of Christ’s oracles, which by word of mouth he left unto his Disciples, It is more blessed to give then to receive.510
- 503. Prov‸ 19:‸17. [moved here by the editor]
- 504. 2 Cor‸ 9:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
- 505. Luke 16:‸9. [moved here by the editor]
- 506. Job 29:‸13; 31:‸20. [moved here by the editor]
- 507. Matt 5:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
- 508. Matt 25:‸34.
- 509. Heb‸ 13:‸16. [moved here by the editor]
- 510. Acts 20:‸35. [moved here by the editor]
Beſides, husbands and wiues in diſtributing almes, may receiue511 good direction one from another: the husband by telling the wife who are fit to be releeued (for commonly huſbands better know thoſe which are abroad out of the family) the wife by telling the husband what things are fitteſt to be giuen away: for wiues commonly know of what things there is greateſt ſtore, and what may in the houſe be beſt ſpared.
- 511. 2. Husband and wife in place to giue good direction one to another.
Besides, husbands and wives in distributing alms, may receive511 good direction one from another: the husband by telling the wife who are fit to be relieved (for commonly husbands better know those which are abroad out of the family) the wife by telling the husband what things are fittest to be given away: for wives commonly know of what things there is greatest store, and what may in the house be best spared.
- 511. 2. Husband and wife in place to give good direction one to another.
§. 45. Of husbands and wiues vnmercifulneſſe to the poore.
§. 45. Of husbands and wives unmercifulness to the poor.
Contrarie is the vnmercifulneſſe of many husbands, who512 are not only hard-hearted themſelues (neuer giuing any thing vnleſſe by the law of the land they be forced, & then they part513 with that which is giuen, ſo grudgingly, as it is nothing at all acceptable to God (for514 God loueth a cheerfull giuer) but alſo tie their wiues hands, and ſuffer them to giue nothing. Wherein515 they bring both the cry of the poore, and alſo the groanes and griefe of a mercifull wife who is thus reſtrained, vpon their owne necks, and aggrauate their ſinne in an high degree.
Contrary is the unmercifulness of many husbands, who512 are not only hard-hearted themselves (never giving any thing unless by the law of the land they be forced, & then they part513 with that which is given, so grudgingly, as it is nothing at all acceptable to God (for God loveth a cheerful giver)514 but also tie their wives hands, and suffer them to give nothing. Wherein515 they bring both the cry of the poor, and also the groans and grief of a merciful wife who is thus restrained, upon their own necks, and aggravate their sin in an high degree.
On the other ſide, the vnmercifulneſſe of many wiues is alſo contrarie to the forenamed dutie: for there are many, who though they haue libertie to giue of the common goods, and alſo allowance of their owne out of which they may giue, yet couetouſly hoord vp all they can get, giue not a pennies worth, out rather ſuffer victuals and other things to periſh in the houſe, and when they are naught to fling them away, then that any thing whilſt it is good ſhould be giuen out of the houſe. Shall not the creatures which are ſpoiled in an houſe, p. 266 and the poore that haue wanted, make a loud crie in the eares516 of the Lord againſt them? Yea further, many wiues are grieued at their husbands bountie, and ſtill mouing him to ſhut his hand, and giue no more. Are they not plaine deuils herein, oppoſing againſt that which is good?
- 516. Read Iam. 5. 1, 2. &c.
On the other side, the unmercifulness of many wives is also contrary to the forenamed duty: for there are many, who though they have liberty to give of the common goods, and also allowance of their own out of which they may give, yet covetously hoard up all they can get, give not a pennies worth, but rather suffer victuals and other things to perish in the house, and when they are naught to fling them away, then that any thing whilst it is good should be given out of the house. Shall not the creatures which are spoiled in an house, and the poor that have wanted, make a loud cry in the ears516 of the Lord against them? Yea further, many wives are grieved at their husbands bounty, and still moving him to shut his hand, and give no more. Are they not plain devils herein, opposing against that which is good?
- 516. Read Jas 5:‸1, 2. etc‸.
A Wife’s Respect for Her Husband
A Wife’s Respect for Her Husband
§. 1. Of the generall heads of this treatiſe.
§. 1. Of the general heads of this treatise.
EPHES. 5. 22. Wiues ſubmit your ſelues vnto your owne husbands as vnto the Lord. Verſ. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, euen as Chriſt is the head of the Church: and he is the Sauiour of the bodie. Verſ. 24. Therefore as the Church is ſubject to Chriſt, ſo let wiues be ſubiect to their husbands in euerie thing.
Eph 5:‸22.
Wives submit your selves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. Verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and he is the Saviour of the body. Verse 24. Therefore as the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives be subject to their husbands in every thing.
IN the particular declaration of wiues duties, the Apoſtle noteth two points,
- 1. The dutie required.
- 2. The reaſon to enforce it.
In the particular declaration of wives duties, the Apostle noteth two points,
- The duty required.
- The reason to enforce it.
In ſetting forth the dutie, he declareth
- 1. The matter wherin it conſiſteth.
- 2. The manner how it is to be performed.
In setting forth the duty, he declareth
- The matter wherein it consisteth.
- The manner how it is to be performed.
In the matter we may note,
The manner reſpecteth, 1. The qualitie of that ſubiection.
2. The extent
The manner respecteth‸ ‸‸ the quality ‸‸ and the extent of that subjection.
p. 268 To declare the qualitie of wiues ſubiection to their huſbands, two rules are ſet downe.
To declare the quality of wives subjection to their husbands, two rules are set down.
The reaſon to enforce all theſe points is taken from that place of eminencie and authoritie, wherein the husband is ſet aboue his wife: which is,
The reason to enforce all these points is taken from that place of eminency and authority, wherein the husband is set above his wife: which is,
1. Propounded vnder the metaphor of an head (for the huſband is the head of the wife.)
1. Propounded under the metaphor of an head (for the husband is the head of the wife.)
2. Amplified by that reſemblance which therein he hath vnto Chriſt.
2. Amplified by that resemblance which therein he hath unto Christ.
In which reſemblance two points are noted.
In which resemblance two points are noted.
1. That the husband, by vertue of his place, carrieth the verie image of Chriſt (euen as Chriſt is the head of the Church.)
1. That the husband, by virtue of his place, carrieth the very image of Christ (even as Christ is the head of the Church.)
2. That the husband by vertue of his office is a protector of his wife (and he is the ſauiour of the body.)
2. That the husband by virtue of his office is a protector of his wife (and he is the saviour of the body.)
The firſt point to be handled in the treatiſe of wiues particular duties is the generall matter of all (Subiection) vnder which all other particulars are compriſed, for it hath as large523 an extent as that Honour which is required in the firſt commandement, being applied to wiues. When firſt the Lord declared vnto woman her dutie, he ſet it downe vnder this phraſe, Thy deſire ſhall be ſubiect to thine husband, Gen. 3. 16.
- 522. Treat. 4. §. 2. [moved in the edition]
- 523. Maritum habere Dominum meruit mulieris culpa, quod tamen niſi ſeruetur, deprauabitur ampliùs natura, & augebitur culpa. Aug. de Gen. ad lit. lib. 11. c. 37. Ante peccatum non aliter factam fuiſſe decet credere mulierem niſi vt vir ei dominaretur. Ibid.
The first point to be handled in the treatise of wives particular duties is the general matter of all (subjection) under which all other particulars are comprised, for it hath as large523 an extent as that honour which is required in the fifth commandment, being applied to wives. When first the Lord declared unto woman her duty, he set it down under this phrase, Thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, Gen‸ 3:‸16.
- 522. Treat. 4. §. 2. [moved here by the editor]
- 523. Maritum habere Dominum meruit mulieris culpa, quod tamen nisi seruetur, deprauabitur ampliùs natura, & augebitur culpa. Aug. de Gen. ad lit. lib. 11. c. 37. Ante peccatum non aliter factam fuisse decet credere mulierem nisi vt vir ei dominaretur. Ibid.
Obiect. That was a puniſhment inflicted on her for her tranſgreſſion?
Object. That was a punishment inflicted on her for her transgression?
Anſw. And a law too, for triall of her obedience, which if it be not obſerued, her nature will be more depraued, and her fault more increaſed. Beſides, we cannot but thinke that the woman was made before the fall, that the man might rule ouer her. Vpon this ground the Prophets and Apoſtles haue oft vrged the ſame. Sarah is commended for this, that ſhe was ſubiect to her husband (1. Pet. 3. 6.) Hereby the holy Ghoſt would teach wiues, that Subiection ought to be as ſalt to ſeaſon p. 269 euery dutie which they performe to their husband. Their very opinion, affection, ſpeech, action, and all that concerneth the husband, muſt ſauour of ſubiection. Contrary is the diſpoſition of many wiues, whom ambition hath tainted and corrupted within and without: they cannot endure to heare of ſubiection: they imagine that they are made ſlaues thereby. But I hope partly by that which hath beene before deliuered concerning thoſe common duties which man and wife doe mutually owe each to other, and partly by the particulars which vnder this generall are compriſed, but moſt eſpecially524 by the duties which the husband in particular oweth to his wife, it will euidently appeare, that this ſubiection is no ſeruitude. But were it more then it is, ſeeing God requireth ſubiection of a wife to her husband, the wife is bound to yeeld it. And good reaſon it is that ſhe who firſt drew man into ſin, ſhould be now ſubiect to him, leſt by the like womaniſh weakneſſe ſhe fall againe.
- 524. Quem vocavit ad culpam mulier, iuſtum eſt vt eum gubernatorem aſſumat, ne iterum foeminea facilitate labatur. Ambr. Hexaem. l. 5. c. 7.
Answ. And a law too, for trial of her obedience, which if it be not observed, her nature will be more depraved, and her fault more increased. Besides, we cannot but think that the woman was made before the fall, that the man might rule over her. Upon this ground the Prophets and Apostles have oft urged the same. Sarah is commended for this, that she was subject to her husband (1‸ Pet‸ 3:‸6‸) Hereby the Holy Ghost would teach wives, that subjection ought to be as salt to season every duty which they perform to their husband. Their very opinion, affection, speech, action, and all that concerneth the husband, must savour of subjection. Contrary is the disposition of many wives, whom ambition hath tainted and corrupted within and without: they cannot endure to hear of subjection: they imagine that they are made slaves thereby. But I hope partly by that which hath been before delivered concerning those common duties which man and wife do mutually owe each to other, and partly by the particulars which under this general are comprised, but most especially524 by the duties which the husband in particular oweth to his wife, it will evidently appear, that this subjection is no servitude. But were it more then it is, seeing God requireth subjection of a wife to her husband, the wife is bound to yield it. And good reason it is that she who first drew man into sin, should be now subject to him, lest by the like womanish weakness she fall again.
- 524. Quem vocavit ad culpam mulier, iustum est vt eum gubernatorem assumat, ne iterum foeminea facilitate labatur. Ambr. Hexaem. l. 5. c. 7.
§. 3. Of an husbands525 ſuperioritie ouer a wife, to be acknowledged by a wife.
§. 3. Of an husbands superiority over a wife, to be acknowledged by a wife.*
The ſubiection which is required of a wife to her husband implieth two things.
- 1. That ſhe acknowledge her husband to be her ſuperiour.
- 2. That ſhe reſpect him as her ſuperiour.
- 525. Treat. 4. §. 6, 7. [moved in the edition]
The subjection which is required of a wife to her husband implieth two things.
- That she acknowledge her husband to be her superior.
- That she respect him as her superior.
- 525. Treat. 4. §. 6, 7. [moved here by the editor]
That acknowledgement of the husbands ſuperioritie is twofold, 1. Generall of any husband.
2. Particular of her owne husband.
That acknowledgment of the husbands superiority is twofold‸
- ‸‸ General of any husband.
- ‸‸ Particular of her own husband.
The generall is the ground of the particular: for till a wife be informed that an husband, by vertue of his place, is his wiues ſuperiour, ſhe will not be perſwaded that her owne huſband is aboue her, or hath any authoritie ouer her.
The general is the ground of the particular: for till a wife be informed that an husband, by virtue of his place, is his wives superior, she will not be persuaded that her own husband is above her, or hath any authority over her.
1. God of whom,527 the powers that be ordained, are, hath power to place his Image in whom he will, and to whom God giueth ſuperioritie and authority, the ſame ought to be acknowledged p. 270 to be due vnto them. But God ſaid of the man to the woman, he ſhall rule ouer thee, (Gen. 3. 16.)
- 527. Rom. 13. 1. [moved in the edition]
1. God of whom, the powers that be ordained, are,527 hath power to place his Image in whom he will, and to whom God giveth superiority and authority, the same ought to be acknowledged to be due unto them. But God said of the man to the woman, he shall rule over thee, (Gen‸ 3:‸16‸)
- 527. Rom‸ 13:‸1. [moved here by the editor]
2. Nature hath placed an eminencie in the male ouer the528 female: ſo as where they are linked together in one yoake, it is giuen by nature that he should gouerne, ſhe obey. This did the heathen by light of nature obſerue.
- 528. Mari & foeminae ae natura tribuium eſt, vt hi, praeſit, illa obediat, cum mas praeſtantior ſit. Ariſt. Pol. lib. 1.
2. Nature hath placed an eminency in the male over the528 female: so as where they are linked together in one yoke, it is given by nature that he should govern, she obey. This did the heathen by light of nature observe.
- 528. Mari & foeminae a natura tributum est, vt hic praesit, illa obediat, cum mas praestantior sit. Arist. Pol. lib. 1.
3. The titles and names, whereby an husband is ſet forth, doe implie a ſuperiority and authority in him, as529 Lord, (1 Pet. 3. 6.)530 Maſter, (Eſt. 1. 17.)531 Guide, (Prou. 2. 17.)532 Head, (1 Cor. 11. 3.)533 Image and glory of God, (1 Cor. 11. 7.)
4. The perſons whom the husband by vertue of his place, and whom the wife by vertue of her place, repreſent, moſt euidently proue as much: for an husband repreſenteth Christ, and a wife, the Church, (Eph. 5. 23.)
4. The persons whom the husband by virtue of his place, and whom the wife by virtue of her place, represent, most evidently prove as much: for an husband representeth Christ, and a wife, the Church, (Eph‸ 5:‸23‸)
5. The circumſtances noted by the holy Ghoſt at the womans creation implie no leſſe, as that ſhe was created after man, for mans good, and out of mans ſide, (Gen. 2. 18, &c.)
5. The circumstances noted by the Holy Ghost at the woman’s creation imply no less, as that she was created after man, for man’s good, and out of man’s side, (Gen‸ 2:‸18, etc‸.)
6. The very534 attire which nature and cuſtome of all times and places haue taught women to put on, confirmeth the ſame: as long haire, vailes, and other couerings ouer the head: this and the former argument doth the Apoſtle himſelfe vſe to this very purpoſe, 1 Cor. 11. 7, &c.
- 534. Sicapilli pro velamine dati ſunt, qua gratia aliud addendū eſt velamen? Vt non tantum natura, ſed etiam voluntate ſubiectam ſe eſſe confiteatur. Chryſ. in 1 Cor. hom. 26.
6. The very534 attire which nature and custom of all times and places have taught women to put on, confirmeth the same: as long hair, veils, and other coverings over the head: this and the former argument doth the Apostle himself use to this very purpose, 1 Cor‸ 11:‸7, etc‸.
- 534. Si capilli pro velamine dati sunt, qua gratia aliud addendum est velamen? Vt non tantum natura, sed etiam voluntate subiectam se esse confiteatur. Chrys. in 1 Cor. hom. 26.
The point then being ſo cleere, wiues ought in conſcience to acknowledge as much: namely that an husband hath ſuperiority535 and authoritie ouer a wife. The acknowledgement hereof is a maine and principall dutie, and a ground of all other duties. Till a wife be fully inſtructed therein and truly perſwaded thereof, no dutie can be performed by her as it ought: for ſubiection hath relation to ſuperioritie and authoritie. The very notation of the word implieth as much. How then can ſubiection be yeelded, if husbands be not acknowledged ſuperiors? It may be forced, as one King conquered in battell by another, may be compelled to yeeld homage to the conqueror, but yet becauſe he ſtill thinketh with himſelfe, that he is no whit inferiour, he will hardly be brought willingly to yeeld a ſubiects dutie to him, but rather expect a time when he may free himſelfe and take reuenge of the conqueror.
- 535. 1. Wiues muſt acknowledge a ſuperioritie in husbands.
The point then being so clear, wives ought in conscience to acknowledge as much: namely that an husband hath superiority535 and authority over a wife. The acknowledgment hereof is a main and principal duty, and a ground of all other duties. Till a wife be fully instructed therein and truly persuaded thereof, no duty can be performed by her as it ought: for subjection hath relation to superiority and authority. The very notation of the word implieth as much. How then can subjection be yielded, if husbands be not acknowledged superiors? It may be forced, as one King conquered in battle by another, may be compelled to yield homage to the conqueror, but yet because he still thinketh with himself, that he is no whit inferior, he will hardly be brought willingly to yield a subjects duty to him, but rather expect a time when he may free himself and take revenge of the conqueror.
- 535. 1. Wives must acknowledge a superiority in husbands.
§. 4. Of a fond conceit, that husband and wife are equall.
§. 4. Of a fond conceit, that husband and wife are equal.
Contrary to the forenamed ſubiection is the opinion of many wiues, who thinke themſelues euery way as good as their husbands, and no way inferiour to them.
Contrary to the forenamed subjection is the opinion of many wives, who think themselves every way as good as their husbands, and no way inferior to them.
The reaſon whereof ſeemeth to be that ſmall inequalitie536 which is betwixt the husband and the wife: for of all degrees wherein there is any difference betwixt perſon and perſon, there is the leaſt diſparitie betwixt man and wife. Though the man be as the head, yet is the woman as the heart, which is the moſt excellent part of the body next the head, farre more excellent then any other member vnder the head, and almoſt equall to the head in many reſpects, and as neceſſary as the head. As an euidence, that a wife is to man as the heart to the head, ſhe was at her537 firſt creation taken out of the ſide of man where his heart lieth; and though the woman was at firſt538 of the man created out of his ſide, yet is the man alſo by the woman. Euer ſince the firſt creation man hath beene borne and brought forth out of the womans wombe: ſo as neither the man is without the woman, nor the woman without the man: yea, as539 the wife hath not power of her owne body, but the husband, ſo the husband hath not power of his owne body, but the wife. They are alſo540 heires together of the grace of life. Beſides, wiues are mothers of the ſame children, whereof their husbands are fathers (for God ſaid to both,541 multiplie and increaſe) and miſtreſſes of the ſame ſeruants whereof they are maſters (for Sarah is called542 miſtreſſe) and in many other reſpects there is a common equitie betwixt husbands and wiues; whence many wiues gather that in all things there ought to be a mutuall equalitie.
- 536. Of all that are inferiours, the wife commeth neereſt to a paritic.
- 537. Gen. 2. 21.
- 538. 1 Cor. 11. 12. [moved in the edition]
- 539. 1 Cor. 7. 4. Cùm de pudicitia ſermonem habet, magna paritas. Chryſ. hom. 19. in 1 Cor. 7. [moved in the edition]
- 540. 1 Pet. 3. 7. συγκληρονόμοι.
- 541. Gen. 1. 28. [moved in the edition]
- 542. & 16. 4. Obiect. Anſw. [moved in the edition]
The reason whereof seemeth to be that small inequality536 which is betwixt the husband and the wife: for of all degrees wherein there is any difference betwixt person and person, there is the least disparity betwixt man and wife. Though the man be as the head, yet is the woman as the heart, which is the most excellent part of the body next the head, far more excellent then any other member under the head, and almost equal to the head in many respects, and as necessary as the head. As an evidence, that a wife is to man as the heart to the head, she was at her537 first creation taken out of the side of man where his heart lieth; and though the woman was at first of the man538 created out of his side, yet is the man also by the woman. Ever since the first creation man hath been born and brought forth out of the woman’s womb: so as neither the man is without the woman, nor the woman without the man: yea, as the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband, so the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.539 They are also540 heirs together of the grace of life. Besides, wives are mothers of the same children, whereof their husbands are fathers (for God said to both, multiply and increase)541 and mistresses of the same servants whereof they are masters (for Sarah is called mistress)542 and in many other respects there is a common equity betwixt husbands and wives; whence many wives gather that in all things there ought to be a mutual equality.
- 536. Of all that are inferiors, the wife cometh nearest to a parity.
- 537. Gen‸ 2:‸21.
- 538. 1 Cor‸ 11:‸12. [moved here by the editor]
- 539. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸4. Cùm de pudicitia sermonem habet, magna paritas. Chrys. hom. 19. in 1 Cor‸ 7. [moved here by the editor]
- 540. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸7‸ συγκληρονόμοι.
- 541. Gen‸ 1:‸28. [moved here by the editor]
- 542. Gen 16:‸4. Object. Answ. [moved here by the editor]
But from ſome particulars to inferre a generall is a very weake argument.
But from some particulars to infer a general is a very weak argument.
1. Doth it follow, that becauſe in many things there is a common equitie betwixt Iudges of Aſſiſe, Iuſtices of peace, and Conſtables of townes, that therefore there is in all things an equalitie betwixt them?
1. Doth it follow, that because in many things there is a common equity betwixt Judges of Assize, Justices of peace, and Constables of towns, that therefore there is in all things an equality betwixt them?
2. In many things there is not a common equitie: for the husband may command his wife, but not ſhe him.
2. In many things there is not a common equity: for the husband may command his wife, but not she him.
3. Euen in thoſe things wherein there is a common equity, p. 272 there is not an equality: for the husband hath euer euen in all things a ſuperioritie: as if there be any difference euen in the forenamed inſtances, the husband muſt haue the ſtroake: as in giuing the name of Rachels youngeſt childe, where the wife would haue one name, the husband another, that name which the husband gaue, ſtood, (Gen. 35. 18.)
3. Even in those things wherein there is a common equity, there is not an equality: for the husband hath ever even in all things a superiority: as if there be any difference even in the forenamed instances, the husband must have the stroke: as in giving the name of Rachel’s youngest child, where the wife would have one name, the husband another, that name which the husband gave, stood, (Gen‸ 35:‸18‸)
Though there ſeeme to be neuer ſo little diſparitie, yet God hauing ſo expreſly appointed ſubiection, it ought to be acknowledged: and543 though husband and wife may mutually ſerue one another through loue: yet the Apoſtle ſuffereth not a woman to rule ouer the man.
- 543. Poſſunt coniuges per charitatem ſeruire inuicem, ſed mulierem non permittit Apoſtolus dominari in virum. Aug. de Gen. ad lit. l. 11. c. 37.
Though there seem to be never so little disparity, yet God having so expressly appointed subjection, it ought to be acknowledged: and543 though husband and wife may mutually serve one another through love: yet the Apostle suffereth not a woman to rule over the man.
- 543. Possunt coniuges per charitatem seruire inuicem, sed mulierem non permittit Apostolus dominari in virum. Aug. de Gen. ad lit. l. 11. c. 37.
§. 5. Of a wiues acknowledgement of her544 owne husbands ſuperioritie.
§. 5. Of a wives acknowledgment of her own husbands superiority.*
The truth and life of that generall acknowledgement of husbands honour, conſiſteth in the particular application therof vnto their owne proper husbands.
- 544. Treat. 4 §. 9. [moved in the edition]
The truth and life of that general acknowledgment of husbands honour, consisteth in the particular application thereof unto their own proper husbands.
- 544. Treat. 4. §. 9. [moved here by the editor]
The next dutie therefore is, that wiues acknowledge their545 owne husbands, euen thoſe to whom by Gods prouidence they are ioyned in mariage, to be worthy of an husbands honour, and to be their ſuperiour: thus much the Apoſtle intendeth by that particle of reſtraint (546 owne) which he vſeth very often: ſo likewiſe doth547 S. Peter, exhorting wiues to be in ſubiection548 to their owne husbands: and hereunto reſtraining the commendation of the ancient good wiues, that they were in ſubiection to their owne husbands.
The next duty therefore is, that wives acknowledge their545 own husbands, even those to whom by God’s providence they are joined in marriage, to be worthy of an husbands honour, and to be their superior: thus much the Apostle intendeth by that particle of restraint546 (‸own) which he useth very often: so likewise doth S. Peter,547 exhorting wives to be in subjection548 to their own husbands: and hereunto restraining the commendation of the ancient good wives, that they were in subjection to their own husbands.
Obiect. What if a man of meane place be maried to a woman of eminent place, or a ſeruant be maried to his miſtreſſe, or an aged woman to a youth, muſt ſuch a wife acknowledge ſuch an husband her ſuperiour?
Object. What if a man of mean place be married to a woman of eminent place, or a servant be married to his mistress, or an aged woman to a youth, must such a wife acknowledge such an husband her superior?
Anſw. Yea verily: for in giuing her ſelfe to be his wife, and549 taking him to be her husband, ſhe aduanceth him aboue herſelfe, and ſubiecteth her ſelfe vnto him. It booteth nothing what either of them were before mariage: by vertue of the matrimoniall bond the husband is made the head of his wife, though the husband were before mariage a very begger, and of meane parentage, and the wife very wealthy and of a noble ſtocke; or though he were her prentiſe, or bondſlaue; which alſo holdeth in the caſe betwixt an aged woman and a youth: p. 273 for the Scripture hath made no exception in any of thoſe caſes.
- 549. Wiues inferiour to thoſe ouer whom they were before mariage.
Answ. Yea verily: for in giving her self to be his wife, and549 taking him to be her husband, she advanceth him above her self, and subjecteth her self unto him. It booteth nothing what either of them were before marriage: by virtue of the matrimonial bond the husband is made the head of his wife, though the husband were before marriage a very beggar, and of mean parentage, and the wife very wealthy and of a noble stock; or though he were her prentice, or bondslave; which also holdeth in the case betwixt an aged woman and a youth: for the Scripture hath made no exception in any of those cases.
- 549. Wives inferior to those over whom they were before marriage.
2. Obiect. But what if a man of lewd and beaſtly conditions, as a drunkard, a glutton, a profane ſwaggerer, an impious ſwearer, and blaſphemer, be maried to a wife, ſober, religious Matron, muſt ſhe account him her ſuperiour, and worthy of an husbands honour?
2. Object. But what if a man of lewd and beastly conditions, as a drunkard, a glutton, a profane swaggerer, an impious swearer, and blasphemer, be married to a wife, sober, religious Matron, must she account him her superior, and worthy of an husbands honour?
Anſw. Surely ſhe muſt. For the euill qualitie and diſpoſition550 of his heart and life, doth not depriue a man of that ciuill honour which God hath giuen vnto him. Though an husband in regard of euill qualities may carrie the Image of the deuill, yet in regard of his place and office he beareth the image of God: ſo doe Magiſtrates in the common-wealth, Miniſters in the Church, parents and maſters in the familie. Note for our preſent purpoſe, the exhortation of S. Peter to Chriſtian wiues which had infidell husbands,551 Be in ſubiection to them: let your conuerſation be in feare. If Infidels carrie not the deuils Image, and are not, ſo long as they are Infidels, vaſſals of Satan, who are? yet wiues muſt be ſubiect to them, and feare them.
Answ. Surely she must. For the evil quality and disposition550 of his heart and life, doth not deprive a man of that civil honour which God hath given unto him. Though an husband in regard of evil qualities may carry the Image of the devil, yet in regard of his place and office he beareth the image of God: so do Magistrates in the common-wealth, Ministers in the Church, parents and masters in the family. Note for our present purpose, the exhortation of S. Peter to Christian wives which had infidel husbands, Be in subjection to them: let your conversation be in fear.551 If Infidels carry not the devils Image, and are not, so long as they are Infidels, vassals of Satan, who are? Yet wives must be subject to them, and fear them.
§. 6. Of wiues denying honour to their owne husbands.
§. 6. Of wives denying honour to their own husbands.
Contrary thereunto is a very peruerſe diſpoſition in ſome552 wiues, who thinke they could better ſubiect themſelues to any husband, then their owne. Though in generall they acknowledge that an husband is his wiues ſuperiour, yet when the application commeth to themſelues they faile, and cannot be brought to yeeld, that they are their husbands inferiours. This is a vice worſe then the former. For to acknowledge no husband to be ſuperiour ouer his wife, but to thinke man and wife in all things equall, may proceed from ignorance of hinde, and error of iudgement. But for a wife who knoweth and acknowledgeth the generall, that an husband is aboue his wife, to imagine that ſhe her ſelfe is not inferiour to her huſband, ariſeth from monſtrous ſelfe-conceit, and intolerable arrogancy, as if ſhe her ſelfe were aboue her owne ſex, and more then a woman.
- 552. A peruerſe opinion to thinke other husbands worthy of honour, and not their owne.
Contrary thereunto is a very perverse disposition in some552 wives, who think they could better subject themselves to any husband, then their own. Though in general they acknowledge that an husband is his wives superior, yet when the application cometh to themselves they fail, and cannot be brought to yield, that they are their husbands inferiors. This is a vice worse then the former. For to acknowledge no husband to be superior over his wife, but to think man and wife in all things equal, may proceed from ignorance of mind, and error of judgment. But for a wife who knoweth and acknowledgeth the general, that an husband is above his wife, to imagine that she her self is not inferior to her husband, ariseth from monstrous self-conceit, and intolerable arrogancy, as if she her self were above her own sex, and more then a woman.
- 552. A perverse opinion to think other husbands worthy of honour, and not their own.
Contrary alſo is the practiſe of ſuch553 women, as purpoſely mary men of farre lower ranke then themſelues, for this very p. 274 end, that they may rule ouer their owne husbands: and of others who being554 aged, for that end mary youths, if not very boyes. A minde and practiſe very vnſeemely, and cleaneth warting Gods ordinance. But let them thinke of ruling555 what they liſt, the truth is, that they make themſelues ſubiects both by Gods law and mans: of which ſubiection ſuch wiues doe oft feele the heauieſt burden. Salomon noteth this to be one of the things for which the earth is diſquieted, when556 a ſeruant reigneth. Now when can a ſeruant more dominere, then when he hath maried his miſtreſſe? As for aged women who are maried to youths, I may ſay (as in another caſe it was ſaid) woe to thee ô wife whoſe husband is a childe. Vnmeet it is557 that an aged man ſhould be maried to a young maid, but much more vnmeet for an aged woman to be maried to a youth.
Contrary also is the practise of such553 women, as purposely marry men of far lower rank then themselves, for this very end, that they may rule over their own husbands: and of others who being554 aged, for that end marry youths, if not very boys. A mind and practise very unseemly, and clean thwarting God’s ordinance. But let them think of ruling555 what they list, the truth is, that they make themselves subjects both by God’s law and man’s: of which subjection such wives do oft feel the heaviest burden. Solomon noteth this to be one of the things for which the earth is disquieted, when556 a servant reigneth. Now when can a servant more domineer, then when he hath married his mistress? As for aged women who are married to youths, I may say (as in another case it was said) woe to thee ô wife whose husband is a child.557 Unmeet it is that an aged man should be married to a young maid, but much more unmeet for an aged woman to be married to a youth.
Hitherto of a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperioritie. It followeth to ſpeake of that anſwerable reſpect which ſhe ought to beare towards him.
- 558. Treat. 4. §. 11 [moved in the edition]
Hitherto of a wives acknowledgment of her husbands superiority. It followeth to speak of that answerable respect which she ought to bear towards him.
- 558. Treat. 4. §. 11. [moved here by the editor]
A wiue-like reſpect of her huſband conſiſteth in two points: 1. Reuerence.
2. Obedience.
A wive-like respect of her husband consisteth in two points:
- ‸‸ Reverence.
- ‸‸ Obedience.
Inward reuerence is an awfull reſpect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband, eſteeming him worthy of all honour for his place, and office ſake, becauſe he is her husband. Doubtleſſe Sarah had in her heart a reuerend reſpect and honourable eſteeme of her husband, when560 being alone, and thinking of him in her very thought ſhe gaue him this title Lord. This inward reuerence the Scripture compriſeth vnder this word Feare: as where our Apoſtle ſaith,561 Let the wife ſee that ſhe feare her husband: and where562 S. Peter exhorteth wiues to haue their conuerſation in Feare. It is no ſlauiſh feare of her husband which ought to poſſeſſe the heart of a wife, dreading blowes, frownes, ſpightfull words, or the like; but ſuch an awfull reſpect of him as maketh her (to vſe the Apoſtles word)563 care how ſhe may pleaſe him. This wiue-like Feare is manifeſted p. 275 by two effects: one is Ioy, when ſhe giueth contentment to her husband, and obſerueth him to be pleaſed with that which ſhe doth: the other is griefe, when he is iuſtly offended and grieued, eſpecially with any thing that ſhe her ſelfe hath done.
Inward reverence is an awful respect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband, esteeming him worthy of all honour for his place, and office sake, because he is her husband. Doubtless Sarah had in her heart a reverend respect and honourable esteem of her husband, when560 being alone, and thinking of him in her very thought she gave him this title Lord. This inward reverence the Scripture compriseth under this word Fear: as where our Apostle saith,561 Let the wife see that she fear her husband: and where562 S. Peter exhorteth wives to have their conversation in Fear. It is no slavish fear of her husband which ought to possess the heart of a wife, dreading blows, frowns, spiteful words, or the like; but such an awful respect of him as maketh her (to use the Apostles word) care how she may please him.563 This wive-like Fear is manifested by two effects: one is Joy, when she giveth contentment to her husband, and observeth him to be pleased with that which she doth: the other is grief, when he is justly offended and grieved, especially with any thing that she her self hath done.
Vnleſſe this inward reuerence and due reſpect of an huſband564 be firſt placed in the heart of a wife, either no outward reuerence and obedience will be performed at all, or if it be performed, it will be very vnſound, only in ſhew, hypocriticall and deceitfull: ſo that as good neuer a whit as neuer the better. For according to ones inward affection and diſpoſition will the outward action and conuerſation be framed.565 Michal firſt deſpiſed Dauid in her heart, and thence it followed that ſhe566 vtteredmoſt vnreuerend and vile ſpeeches of him, euen to his face. Wherefore after the iudgement of a wife is rightly informed of an husbands ſuperioritie, and her will perſwaded to account her owne husband her head and guide, it is very needfull that her heart and affection be accordingly ſeaſoned with the ſalt of good reſpect, and high eſteeme, which breedeth feare: and that thus her heart may be ſeaſoned, ſhe ought oft and ſeriouſly to meditate of his place and office, and of that honour which the Lord by vertue thereof hath planted in him. And if he haue gifts worthie his place, as knowledge, wiſdome, pietie, temperance, loue, and the like, ſhe ought to take notice thereof, and to thinke him worthie of double honour.
Unless this inward reverence and due respect of an husband564 be first placed in the heart of a wife, either no outward reverence and obedience will be performed at all, or if it be performed, it will be very unsound, only in show, hypocritical and deceitful: so that as good never a whit as never the better. For according to ones inward affection and disposition will the outward action and conversation be framed. Michal565 first despised David in her heart, and thence it followed that she566 uttered most unreverend and vile speeches of him, even to his face. Wherefore after the judgment of a wife is rightly informed of an husbands superiority, and her will persuaded to account her own husband her head and guide, it is very needful that her heart and affection be accordingly seasoned with the salt of good respect, and high esteem, which breedeth fear: and that thus her heart may be seasoned, she ought oft and seriously to meditate of his place and office, and of that honour which the Lord by virtue thereof hath planted in him. And if he have gifts worthy his place, as knowledge, wisdom, piety, temperance, love, and the like, she ought to take notice thereof, and to think him worthy of double honour.
§. 8. Of a wiues baſe eſteeme of her husband.
§. 8. Of a wives base esteem of her husband.
Contrary to this inward reuerence of the heart is a baſe and wile eſteeme which many haue of their husbands, thinking no better of them then of other men; nay worſe then of others; deſpiſing their husbands in their heart, like Michal, of whom we heard before. This, as it is in it ſelfe a vile vice, ſo is it a cauſe of many other vices, as of preſumption, rebellion,567 yea and of adultery it ſelfe many times: and it is alſo a maine hinderance of all dutie.
- 567. A baſe eſteem which wiues haue of their husbands, ariſeth
Contrary to this inward reverence of the heart is a base and vile esteem which many have of their husbands, thinking no better of them then of other men; nay worse then of others; despising their husbands in their heart, like Michal, of whom we heard before. This, as it is in it self a vile vice, so is it a cause of many other vices, as of presumption, rebellion,567 yea and of adultery it self many times: and it is also a main hindrance of all duty.
- 567. A base esteem which wives have of their husbands, ariseth
It commonly riſeth either from ſelfe-conceit (whereby wiues ouerweene their owne gifts, thinking them ſo excellent568 is they need no guide or head, but are rather fit to guide and p. 276 rule both their husband and all the houſhold: of which proud and preſumptuous ſpirit Iezabel ſeemeth to be, who with an audacious and impudent face ſaid to Ahab her husband,569 Doſt thou now gouerne the kingdome of Iſrael? Up, I will giue thee the vineyard of Naboth. So alſo all thoſe wiues which are noted to draw away their husbands hearts from the Lord, as the wiues of570 Salomon,571 Iehoram, and others: which they learned of their great grandmother572 Euah:) or elſe from ſome infirmities of minde or body, or of life, which they behold in their573 husbands (whence it commeth to paſſe, that many husbands who are highly honoured and greatly accounted of by others, are much deſpiſed by their wiues, becauſe their wiues alwaies conuerſing with them are priuie to ſuch infirmities as are concealed from others:) or, which is worſt of all, from vniuſt ſurmizes574 and ſuſpicions, ſuſpecting many euill things of their husbands whereof they are no way guiltie, and miſinterpreting, and peruerting things well done, as575 Michal peruerted Dauids holy zeale.
- 568. 1. From ſelfeconceit.
- 569. 1 King. 21. 7. [moved in the edition]
- 570. 1 King. 11. 4. [moved in the edition]
- 571. 2 King. 8. 18. [moved in the edition]
- 572. Gen. 3. 6. [moved in the edition]
- 573. 2. From their husbands infirmities.
- 574. 3. From vniuſt ſuſpicions.
- 575. 2 Sam. 6. 20. [moved in the edition]
It commonly riseth either from self-conceit (whereby wives overween their own gifts, thinking them so excellent568 as they need no guide or head, but are rather fit to guide and rule both their husband and all the household: of which proud and presumptuous spirit Jezebel seemeth to be, who with an audacious and impudent face said to Ahab her husband, Dost thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? Up, I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth.569 So also all those wives which are noted to draw away their husbands hearts from the Lord, as the wives of Solomon,570 Jehoram,571 and others: which they learned of their great grandmother Eve:)572 or else from some infirmities of mind or body, or of life, which they behold in their573 husbands (whence it cometh to pass, that many husbands who are highly honoured and greatly accounted of by others, are much despised by their wives, because their wives always conversing with them are privy to such infirmities as are concealed from others:) or, which is worst of all, from unjust surmises574 and suspicions, suspecting many evil things of their husbands whereof they are no way guilty, and misinterpreting, and perverting things well done, as Michal575 perverted David’s holy zeal.
- 568. 1. From self-conceit.
- 569. 1 Kgs 21:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
- 570. 1 Kgs 11:‸4. [moved here by the editor]
- 571. 2 Kgs 8:‸18. [moved here by the editor]
- 572. Gen‸ 3:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
- 573. 2. From their husbands infirmities.
- 574. 3. From unjust suspicions.
- 575. 2 Sam‸ 6:‸20. [moved here by the editor]
For redreſſe of this enormous vice, wiues ought firſt in regard576 of themſelues to purge out of their hearts pride, and ſelfe-conceit, thinking humbly and lowly of themſelues, and that euen in regard of their ſex and the weakneſſe thereof: and if the Lord haue endued them with any gift aboue the ordinary ſort of women, to note well their owne infirmities, and to lay them by their eminent gifts: thus by looking on their blacke feet, their proud-peacock-feathers may be caſt downe. Yea alſo when they behold any infirmities in their husbands, they ought to reflect their eies on their owne infirmities, which it may be are euen as many and as grieuous, if not more in number, and more hainous in their nature and kinde: at leaſt let them conſider that they are ſubiect to the ſame, if God leaue them to the ſway of their owne corruption.
- 576. How wiues may redreſſe a light eſteeme of their huſbands.
For redress of this enormous vice, wives ought first in regard576 of themselves to purge out of their hearts pride, and self-conceit, thinking humbly and lowly of themselves, and that even in regard of their sex and the weakness thereof: and if the Lord have endued them with any gift above the ordinary sort of women, to note well their own infirmities, and to lay them by their eminent gifts: thus by looking on their black feet, their proud-peacock-feathers may be cast down. Yea also when they behold any infirmities in their husbands, they ought to reflect their eyes on their own infirmities, which it may be are even as many and as grievous, if not more in number, and more heinous in their nature and kind: at least let them consider that they are subject to the same, if God leave them to the sway of their own corruption.
- 576. How wives may redress a light esteem of their husbands.
Secondly, wiues ought in regard of their husbands to ſurmize no euill whereof they haue not ſure proofe and euidence: but rather interpret euery thing in better part: and follow the rule of loue,577 which beareth all things, beleeueth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. If they note any defects of nature, and deformity of body, or any enormous and notorious vices p. 277 in their husband, then ought they to turne their eies and thoughts from his perſon to his place, and from his vicious qualities to his honourable office (which is to be an husband) and this will abate that vile eſteeme which otherwiſe might be occaſioned from the forenamed meanes.
- 577. 1 Cor. 13. 7. [moved in the edition]
Secondly, wives ought in regard of their husbands to surmise no evil whereof they have not sure proof and evidence: but rather interpret every thing in better part: and follow the rule of love, which beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.577 If they note any defects of nature, and deformity of body, or any enormous and notorious vices in their husband, then ought they to turn their eyes and thoughts from his person to his place, and from his vicious qualities to his honourable office (which is to be an husband) and this will abate that vile esteem which otherwise might be occasioned from the forenamed means.
- 577. 1 Cor‸ 13:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
A wiues outward reuerence towards her husband is a manifeſtation of her inward due reſpect of him. Now then ſeeing579 the intent of the heart, and inward diſpoſition cannot be diſcerned by man ſimply in it ſelfe, that the husband may know his wiues good affection towards him, it is behouefull that ſhe manifeſt the ſame by her outward reuerence.
A wives outward reverence towards her husband is a manifestation of her inward due respect of him. Now then seeing579 the intent of the heart, and inward disposition cannot be discerned by man simply in it self, that the husband may know his wives good affection towards him, it is behoveful that she manifest the same by her outward reverence.
A wiues outward reuerence conſiſteth in her reuerend Geſture.
Speech.
A wives outward reverence consisteth in her reverend
- Gesture.
- Speech.
For the firſt, that a reuerend geſture & carriage of her ſelfe to580 her husband, and in her husbands preſence, beſeemeth a wife, was of old implied by the vaile which the woman vſed to put on, when ſhe was brought vnto her husband, as is noted in the581 example of Rebekah: whereunto the Apoſtle alludeth in theſe words,582 the woman ought to haue power on her head. That couer on the womans head, as in generall it implied ſubiection, ſo in particular this kinde of ſubiection, viz. a reuerend carriage and geſture. But moſt expreſly is this dutie ſet downe by583 Saint Peter who exhorteth wiues to order their conuerſation before their husbands, ſo as it be pure, with reuerence.
For the first, that a reverend gesture & carriage of her self to580 her husband, and in her husbands presence, beseemeth a wife, was of old implied by the veil which the woman used to put on, when she was brought unto her husband, as is noted in the581 example of Rebekah: whereunto the Apostle alludeth in these words, the woman ought to have power on her head.582 That cover on the woman’s head, as in general it implied subjection, so in particular this kind of subjection, viz. a reverend carriage and gesture. But most expressly is this duty set down by583 Saint Peter who exhorteth wives to order their conversation before their husbands, so as it be pure, with reverence.
This reuerend conuerſation conſiſteth in a wiue-like ſobrietie, mildneſſe, courteſie, and modeſtie.
This reverend conversation consisteth in a wive-like sobriety, mildness, courtesy, and modesty.
By ſobriety I meane ſuch a comely, graue, and gratious carriage, as giueth euidence to the husband that his wife reſpecteth his place & the authority which God hath giuen him. Sobriety in generall is required of all women by reaſon of their ſexe; and ſurely it doth well become them all: but much more doth it become wiues: moſt of all, in their husbands preſence.584 The Apoſtle in particular enioyneth it to Deacons wiues, yet not ſo as proper vnto them, but in a further reſpect appertaining to them not only as wiues, but as the wiues of Deacons.
- 584. 1 Tim. 3. 11.
By sobriety I mean such a comely, grave, and gracious carriage, as giveth evidence to the husband that his wife respecteth his place & the authority which God hath given him. Sobriety in general is required of all women by reason of their sex; and surely it doth well become them all: but much more doth it become wives: most of all, in their husbands presence.584 The Apostle in particular enjoineth it to Deacons wives, yet not so as proper unto them, but in a further respect appertaining to them not only as wives, but as the wives of Deacons.
- 584. 1 Tim‸ 3:‸11.
Contrary to this ſobriety is lightneſſe and wantonneſſe: p. 278 which vices in a wife, eſpecially before her husband, argueth little reſpect, if not a plaine contempt of him.
Contrary to this sobriety is lightness and wantonness: which vices in a wife, especially before her husband, argueth little respect, if not a plain contempt of him.
Obiect. Thus ſhall all delightfull familiarity betwixt huſband and wife be taken away.
Object. Thus shall all delightful familiarity betwixt husband and wife be taken away.
Anſw. Though the forenamed ſobriety be oppoſed to lightneſſe585 and wantonneſſe, yet not to matrimoniall familiarity: which is ſo farre permitted to man and wife, as if any other man and woman ſhould ſo behaue themſelues one towards another as an husband and wife lawfully may, it might iuſtly be counted lightneſſe and ſinne: inſtance the example of Iſaak and Rebekah, who ſo ſported together, as Abimelech,586 knowing them to be ſuch as feared God, gathered by that ſporting that they were man and wife: for he thought that otherwiſe they would not haue beene ſo familiar together.
Answ. Though the forenamed sobriety be opposed to lightness585 and wantonness, yet not to matrimonial familiarity: which is so far permitted to man and wife, as if any other man and woman should so behave themselves one towards another as an husband and wife lawfully may, it might justly be counted lightness and sin: instance the example of Isaac and Rebekah,586 who so sported together, as Abimelech, knowing them to be such as feared God, gathered by that sporting that they were man and wife: for he thought that otherwise they would not have been so familiar together.
587 This familiarity argueth both liking and loue: and ſheweth that the man and wife delight in one anothers perſon. But the lightneſſe here condemned in a wife, is not ſo much a mutuall familiarity with her husband by his good liking, as a wanton dallying with others to his griefe and diſgrace.
- 587. See Treat. 4. §. 42. [moved in the edition]
This* familiarity argueth both liking and love: and showeth that the man and wife delight in one anothers person. But the lightness here condemned in a wife, is not so much a mutual familiarity with her husband by his good liking, as a wanton dallying with others to his grief and disgrace.
- 587. See Treat. 4. §. 42. [moved here by the editor]
Mildneſſe in a wife hath reſpect alſo to the ordering of her countenance, geſture, and whole cariage before her husband, whereby ſhe manifeſteth a pleaſingneſſe to him, and a contentedneſſe and willingneſſe to be vnder him and ruled by him. Excellently is this ſet forth in the ſpouſe of Chriſt whoſe eies are ſaid to be as doues eies, her lips to drop as honie combs, and589 ſhe her ſelfe euery way pleaſant: whereupon it is noted that ſhe appeared to her husband as the bright morning, and that his heart was wounded with her. Aſſuredly the cleere skie is not more pleaſant in time of harueſt, then a milde and amiable countenance and carriage of a wife in her husbands preſence.590 And though her husband ſhould be of an harſh and cruell diſpoſition, yet by this means might he be made meeke and gentle. For the keepers of Lions are ſaid to bring them to ſome tameneſſe by handling them gently and ſpeaking to them fairely.
Mildness in a wife hath respect also to the ordering of her countenance, gesture, and whole carriage before her husband, whereby she manifesteth a pleasingness to him, and a contentedness and willingness to be under him and ruled by him. Excellently is this set forth in the spouse of Christ whose eyes are said to be as doves eyes, her lips to drop as honey combs, and589 she her self every way pleasant: whereupon it is noted that she appeared to her husband as the bright morning, and that his heart was wounded with her. Assuredly the clear sky is not more pleasant in time of harvest, then a mild and amiable countenance and carriage of a wife in her husbands presence.590 And though her husband should be of an harsh and cruel disposition, yet by this means might he be made meek and gentle. For the keepers of Lions are said to bring them to some tameness by handling them gently and speaking to them fairly.
Contrary to this mildneſſe is a frowning brow, a lowring eie, a ſullen looke, a powting lip, a ſwelling face, a deriding p. 279 mouth, a ſcornefull caſt of the armes and hands, a diſdainfull turning of this ſide and that ſide of the body, and a fretfull flinging out of her husbands preſence: all which and other like contemptuous geſtures are as thicke clouds ouerſpreading the heauens in a Summers day, which make it very vncomfortable. They oft ſtirre vp much paſſion in the man, and bring much miſchiefe vpon the wife her ſelfe.
Contrary to this mildness is a frowning brow, a louring eye, a sullen look, a pouting lip, a swelling face, a deriding mouth, a scornful cast of the arms and hands, a disdainful turning of this side and that side of the body, and a fretful flinging out of her husbands presence: all which and other like contemptuous gestures are as thick clouds overspreading the heavens in a Summers day, which make it very uncomfortable. They oft stir up much passion in the man, and bring much mischief upon the wife her self.
Courteſie is that vertue whereby a wife taketh occaſion to teſtifie her acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperiority by ſome outward obeyſance to him. Rebekah, ſo ſoone as ſhe ſaw Iſaak, whom ſhe had taken for her husband, lighted from her Camell and came to him on foot, which was a kinde of obeyſance. This is not ſo to be taken as if no difference were to be made betwixt the carriage of a ſeruant, or childe, and a wife: or as if a wife ſhould bow at euery word that ſhe ſpeaketh to her husband. Though in the kinde and extent of many duties the ſame things are required of wiues which are required of children and ſeruants, becauſe God hath made them all inferiours, and exacted ſubiection of all: yet in the manner and meaſure of many duties there is great difference: as in this, the obeyſance of children and ſeruants ought to be more ſubmiſſiue, and more frequent. Yet becauſe God hath placed authority in the husband ouer his wife, ſhe is euery way to teſtifie her reuerend reſpect of her husband, and therefore at ſome times, on ſome occaſions (as when he is going on a iourney for a time from her, or when he returneth home againe, or when ſhe hath a ſolemne and great ſute to make vnto him, or when he offereth an eſpeciall and extraordinary fauour vnto her, or (as I haue obſerued ſuch wiues as know what beſeemeth their place, and are not aſhamed to manifeſt as much) when ſhe ſitteth592 downe or riſeth vp from table) to declare her reuerence by ſome obeyſance. This cannot but much worke on the heart of a good and kinde husband, and make him the more to reſpect his wife, when he beholdeth this euidence of her reſpect to him. Yea it cannot but be a good patterne to children593 and ſeruants, and a motiue to ſtirre them vp to yeeld all ſubmiſſiue obeyſance both to her husband and to her ſelfe. p. 280 For it may make them thus to reaſon with themſelues, ſhall594 we ſcorne or thinke much to yeeld that to our father or maſter which our mother or miſtreſſe thinketh not much to yeeld to her husband? ſhall-ſhe bow to him, and ſhall not we much more bow to her? Thus a wiues honouring of her husband by yeelding obeyſance to him, maketh both him and her ſelfe to be more honoured of others.
Courtesy is that virtue whereby a wife taketh occasion to testify her acknowledgment of her husbands superiority by some outward obeisance to him. Rebekah, so soon as she saw Isaac, whom she had taken for her husband, lighted from her Camel and came to him on foot, which was a kind of obeisance. This is not so to be taken as if no difference were to be made betwixt the carriage of a servant, or child, and a wife: or as if a wife should bow at every word that she speaketh to her husband. Though in the kind and extent of many duties the same things are required of wives which are required of children and servants, because God hath made them all inferiors, and exacted subjection of all: yet in the manner and measure of many duties there is great difference: as in this, the obeisance of children and servants ought to be more submissive, and more frequent. Yet because God hath placed authority in the husband over his wife, she is every way to testify her reverend respect of her husband, and therefore at some times, on some occasions (as when he is going on a journey for a time from her, or when he returneth home again, or when she hath a solemn and great suit to make unto him, or when he offereth an especial and extraordinary favour unto her, or (as I have observed such wives as know what beseemeth their place, and are not ashamed to manifest as much) when she sitteth592 down or riseth up from table) to declare her reverence by some obeisance. This cannot but much work on the heart of a good and kind husband, and make him the more to respect his wife, when he beholdeth this evidence of her respect to him. Yea it cannot but be a good pattern to children593 and servants, and a motive to stir them up to yield all submissive obeisance both to her husband and to her self. For it may make them thus to reason with themselves, shall594 we scorn or think much to yield that to our father or master which our mother or mistress thinketh not much to yield to her husband? Shall‸ ‸she bow to him, and shall not we much more bow to her? Thus a wives honouring of her husband by yielding obeisance to him, maketh both him and her self to be more honoured of others.
Contrarily minded are they, who not only altogether omit595 this dutie, but alſo gibe and ſcoffe at the very hearing thereof, ſaying, thus wiues ſhall be made no better then children or ſeruants. But though ſcornefull dames deride theſe outward euidences of their ſubiection, yet ſuch wiues as feare the Lord ought not to be hindered thereby from doing their dutie: for by ſuch euill examples they might be diſcouraged from euery good dutie. It is ſufficient that ſuch holy women as truſted in God ſo behaued themſelues. But for this particular, we know that equals ſcorne not vpon occaſions to performe this kinde of courteſie in making obeyſance one to another: how much leſſe ought wiues, who are their husbands inferiours?
- 595. Contrary ſcorne in wiues.
Contrarily minded are they, who not only altogether omit595 this duty, but also gibe and scoff at the very hearing thereof, saying, thus wives shall be made no better then children or servants. But though scornful dames deride these outward evidences of their subjection, yet such wives as fear the Lord ought not to be hindered thereby from doing their duty: for by such evil examples they might be discouraged from every good duty. It is sufficient that such holy women as trusted in God so behaved themselves. But for this particular, we know that equals scorn not upon occasions to perform this kind of courtesy in making obeisance one to another: how much less ought wives, who are their husbands inferiors?
- 595. Contrary scorn in wives.
Modeſtie appertaining to a wife is much manifeſted in her apparell. S. Paul requireth this modeſtie in generall of all ſorts of women: but S. Peter preſſeth it in particular vpon wiues. For as it well beſeemeth all women, ſo wiues after a peculiar manner, namely, in attiring themſelues, to reſpect rather their husbands place and ſtate, then their owne birth and parentage, but much rather then their owne minde and humour. A wiues modeſtie therefore requireth that her apparell be neither for coſtlineſſe aboue her husbands abilitie, nor for curiouſneſſe vn beſeeming his calling. As a poore mans wife muſt not affect coſtly apparell, ſo neither Miniſters, graue Counſellours, ſage Magiſtrates, no nor conſcionable Profeſſours wiues, hunt after new faſhions, or in light and gariſh apparell attire themſelues. It is a token of great reuerence in a wife towards her husband, to haue an eye to his place and ſtate in her apparell.
- 596. Treat. 4. §. 49, 52. 1 Tim. 2 9. 1 Pet. 3. 3. [moved in the edition]
Modesty appertaining to a wife is much manifested in her apparel. S. Paul requireth this modesty in general of all sorts of women: but S. Peter presseth it in particular upon wives. For as it well beseemeth all women, so wives after a peculiar manner, namely, in attiring themselves, to respect rather their husbands place and state, then their own birth and parentage, but much rather then their own mind and humour. A wives modesty therefore requireth that her apparel be neither for costliness above her husbands ability, nor for curiousness unbeseeming his calling. As a poor man’s wife must not affect costly apparel, so neither Ministers, grave Counsellors, sage Magistrates, no nor conscionable Professors wives, hunt after new fashions, or in light and garish apparel attire themselves. It is a token of great reverence in a wife towards her husband, to have an eye to his place and state in her apparel.
- 596. Treat. 4. §. 49, 52. 1 Tim‸ 2:‸9. 1 Pet 3:‸3. ‸ [moved here by the editor]
On the contrarie, ſuch proud daines as muſt haue their p. 281 owne will in their attire, and thinke it nothing appertaineth597 to their husbands to order them therein, who care not what their husbands abilitie, or what his place and calling be, they ſhew little reſpect and reuerence to their husbands. Such are they, who are no whit moued with their husbands example: but though the mans apparell be plaine and graue, yet the wiues ſhall be coſtly and gariſh. Yea many there be that ſtand in ſome more awe of their husbands ſight, but ſhew little more reſpect vnto him, who haue their ſilken gownes, Beauer hats, and other like attire not agreeable to their place and ſtate, lie in the countrey, if they be of the citie; or in the citie, if they be of the countrey, in a friends houſe where their husbands ſhall598 not know it, and when their husbands are not with them, weare them, and paint their faces, lay out their haire, and in euerie thing follow the faſhion. What can they which behold this thinke, but that ſuch a wiues care is more to pleaſe other light vaine perſons, then her graue, diſcreet husband: or that her husband can nothing at all preuaile with her: which as it ſtaineth her owne credit, ſo it leaueth a blot of diſhonour euen vpon him. If the care of a wife were to giue euidence of the reuerence which ſhe beareth to her husband, his deſire and example would in this reſpect more preuaile with her, then the humour of her owne heart.
On the contrary, such proud dames as must have their own will in their attire, and think it nothing appertaineth597 to their husbands to order them therein, who care not what their husbands ability, or what his place and calling be, they show little respect and reverence to their husbands. Such are they, who are no whit moved with their husbands example: but though the man’s apparel be plain and grave, yet the wives shall be costly and garish. Yea many there be that stand in some more awe of their husbands sight, but show little more respect unto him, who have their silken gowns, Beaver hats, and other like attire not agreeable to their place and state, lie in the country, if they be of the city; or in the city, if they be of the country, in a friends house where their husbands shall598 not know it, and when their husbands are not with them, wear them, and paint their faces, lay out their hair, and in every thing follow the fashion. What can they which behold this think, but that such a wives care is more to please other light vain persons, then her grave, discreet husband: or that her husband can nothing at all prevail with her: which as it staineth her own credit, so it leaveth a blot of dishonour even upon him. If the care of a wife were to give evidence of the reverence which she beareth to her husband, his desire and example would in this respect more prevail with her, then the humour of her own heart.
§. 13. Of a wiues599 reuerend ſpeech to her husband.
§. 13. Of a wives reverend speech to her husband.*
As by geſture, ſo by ſpeech alſo, muſt a wiues reuerence be manifeſted: this muſt be anſwerable to that. For by words as well as by deeds, the affection of the heart is manifeſted,600 Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth ſpeaketh. A wiues reuerence is manifeſted by her ſpeech, both in her husbands preſence, and alſo in his abſence. For this end in his preſence her words muſt be few, reuerend and meeke. Firſt few: For the601 Apoſtle enioyneth602 ſilence to wiues in their husbands preſence, and inforceth that dutie with a ſtrong reaſon in theſe words: I permit not the woman to vſurpe authoritie ouer the man, but to be in ſilence: the inference of the latter clauſe vpon the former ſheweth that he ſpeaketh not only of a womans ſilence in the Church, but alſo of a wiues ſilence before her husband: which is further cleared by another like place, where the ſame Apoſtle p. 282 enioyneth wiues to603 learne of their husbands at home. The reaſon before mentioned for ſilence, on the one ſide implieth a reuerend ſubiection, as on the other ſide too much ſpeech implieth an vſurpation of authoritie.
As by gesture, so by speech also, must a wives reverence be manifested: this must be answerable to that. For by words as well as by deeds, the affection of the heart is manifested, Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.600 A wives reverence is manifested by her speech, both in her husbands presence, and also in his absence. For this end in his presence her words must be few, reverend and meek. First few: For the601 Apostle enjoineth silence602 to wives in their husbands presence, and enforceth that duty with a strong reason in these words: I permit not the woman to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence: the inference of the latter clause upon the former showeth that he speaketh not only of a woman’s silence in the Church, but also of a wives silence before her husband: which is further cleared by another like place, where the same Apostle enjoineth wives to learn of their husbands at home.603 The reason before mentioned for silence, on the one side implieth a reverend subjection, as on the other side too much speech implieth an usurpation of authority.
Obiect. Then belike a wife muſt be alwayes mute before her husband.
Object. Then belike a wife must be always mute before her husband.
Anſw. No ſuch matter: for ſilence in that place is not oppoſed to ſpeech, as if ſhe ſhould not ſpeake at all, but to loquacitie, to talkatiueneſſe, to ouer-much tatling: her husbands preſence muſt ſome what reſtraine her tongue, and ſo will her verie ſilence teſtifie a reuerend reſpect. Otherwiſe ſilence, as it is oppoſed to ſpeech, would imply ſtoutneſſe of ſtomacke, and ſtubbornneſſe of heart, which is an extreme contrarie to loquacitie. But the meane betwixt both, is for a wife to be ſparing in ſpeech, to expect a fit time and iuſt occaſion of ſpeech, to be willing to hearken to the word of knowledge comming out of her husbands mouth. This argueth reuerence.604 Elihu manifeſted thereuerend reſpect, which as a younger he bare to his elders, by for bearing to ſpeake while they had any thing to ſay. How much more ought wiues in regard both of their ſex and of their place?
- 604. Iob 32. 6. [moved in the edition]
Answ. No such matter: for silence in that place is not opposed to speech, as if she should not speak at all, but to loquacity, to talkativeness, to over-much tattling: her husbands presence must somewhat restrain her tongue, and so will her very silence testify a reverend respect. Otherwise silence, as it is opposed to speech, would imply stoutness of stomach, and stubbornness of heart, which is an extreme contrary to loquacity. But the mean betwixt both, is for a wife to be sparing in speech, to expect a fit time and just occasion of speech, to be willing to hearken to the word of knowledge coming out of her husbands mouth. This argueth reverence. Elihu604 manifested the reverend respect, which as a younger he bare to his elders, by forbearing to speak while they had any thing to say. How much more ought wives in regard both of their sex and of their place?
- 604. Job 32:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
Contrarie is their practiſe, who muſt and will haue all the605 prate. If their husbands haue begun to ſpeake, their ſlipperie tongues cannot expect and tarrie till he haue done: if (as verie haſtile and forward they are to ſpeake) they preuent not their husbands, they will ſurely take the tale out of his mouth before he haue done: Thus-they diſgrace themſelues, and diſhonour their husbands.
- 605. Contrarie too much prate.
Contrary is their practise, who must and will have all the605 prate. If their husbands have begun to speak, their slippery tongues cannot expect and tarry till he have done: if (as very hasty and forward they are to speak) they prevent not their husbands, they will surely take the tale out of his mouth before he have done: Thus‸ ‸they disgrace themselves, and dishonour their husbands.
- 605. Contrary too much prate.
§. 14. Of the606 titles which wiues giue their husbands.
§. 14. Of the titles which wives give their husbands.*
For the titles which a wife in ſpeaking to her husband, or naming him, giueth vnto him, they muſt be ſuch as ſignifie p. 283 ſuperioritie, and ſo ſauour of reuerence. Such are the titles wherewith husbands are named in the Scripture;610 they are titles of honour. Such alſo are the titles which the Church (who by our Apoſtle is made a patterne for wiues in all ſubiection) giueth to her Spouſe Chriſt Ieſus, as may be gathered out of the Song of ſongs. It is likely that Sarah did vſually giue this title Lord to her husband. For hauing occaſion to thinke of him, preſently this title611 Lord was in her heart: which would not ſo ſuddenly haue riſen vp, if ſhe had not ordinarily vſed it. According to the vſuall titles which we giue to any, doe we in our hearts name them, when we haue occaſion to thinke of them. Among all other titles the name husband, as it is the moſt vſuall, ſo it is the fitteſt and meeteſt title. It intimateth reuerence, and ſauoureth not of niceneſſe & ſingularitie, as theſe titles, Head, Guide, Maſter, Man, and the like doe: which though they be lawfull titles, becauſe the Scripture attributeth them to husbands, and they ſignifie ſuperioritie, yet becauſe they are vnuſuall and ſauour of ſingularitie, they are not ſo meet. Common vſe and practiſe hath made the addition of the husbands ſurname to this title Maſter, more meet.
For the titles which a wife in speaking to her husband, or naming him, giveth unto him, they must be such as signify superiority, and so savour of reverence. Such are the titles wherewith husbands are named in the Scripture;610 they are titles of honour. Such also are the titles which the Church (who by our Apostle is made a pattern for wives in all subjection) giveth to her Spouse Christ Jesus, as may be gathered out of the Song of songs. It is likely that Sarah did usually give this title Lord to her husband. For having occasion to think of him, presently this title Lord611 was in her heart: which would not so suddenly have risen up, if she had not ordinarily used it. According to the usual titles which we give to any, do we in our hearts name them, when we have occasion to think of them. Among all other titles the name husband, as it is the most usual, so it is the fittest and meetest title. It intimateth reverence, and savoureth not of niceness & singularity, as these titles, Head, Guide, master, man, and the like do: which though they be lawful titles, because the Scripture attributeth them to husbands, and they signify superiority, yet because they are unusual and savour of singularity, they are not so meet. Common use and practise hath made the addition of the husbands surname to this title master, more meet.
Contrarie are thoſe compellations which argue equalitie or inferioritie rather then ſuperioritie, as Brother, Coſen, Friend, Man, &c. if a ſtranger be in preſence, how can he tell by this manner of compellation, that he whom thou ſpeakeſt vnto is thy husband? If he eſpie any matrimoniall familiaritie betwixt you, what can he iudge of it otherwiſe to be, lightneſſe and wantonneſſe? Remember the fearefull iſſue that had like to haue fallen out by reaſon of ſuch compellations giuen by613 Sarah and614 Rebekah to their husbands. Not vnlike to thoſe are ſuch as theſe, Sweet, Sweeting, Heart, Sweet-heart, Loue, Ioy, Deare, &c. and ſuch as theſe, Ducke, Chicke, Pigſnie, &c. and husbands Chriſtian names, as Iohn, Thomas, William, Henry, &c. which if they be contracted (as many vſe to contract them thus, Iacke, Tom, Will, Hall) they are much more vnſeemly: ſeruants are vſually ſo called.
Contrary are those compellations which argue equality or inferiority rather then superiority, as brother, Cousin, Friend, man, etc‸. If a stranger be in presence, how can he tell by this manner of compellation, that he whom thou speakest unto is thy husband? If he espy any matrimonial familiarity betwixt you, what can he judge of it otherwise to be, lightness and wantonness? Remember the fearful issue that had like to have fallen out by reason of such compellations given by Sarah613 and Rebekah614 to their husbands. Not unlike to those are such as these, Sweet, Sweeting, Heart, Sweet-heart, love, Joy, Dear, etc‸. And such as these, Duck, Chick, Pigsny, etc‸. And husbands Christian names, as John, Thomas, William, Henry, etc‸. Which if they be contracted (as many use to contract them thus, Jack, Tom, Will, Hall) they are much more unseemly: servants are usually so called.
But what may we ſay of thoſe titles giuen to an husband by p. 284 his wife, not ſeldome in paſſion, but vſually in ordinarie ſpeech, which are not fit to be giuen to the baſeſt men that be, as Grub, Rogue, and the like, which I am euen aſhamed to name, but that the ſins of women are to be caſt as dirt on their faces, that they may be the more aſhamed?
But what may we say of those titles given to an husband by his wife, not seldom in passion, but usually in ordinary speech, which are not fit to be given to the basest men that be, as Grub, Rogue, and the like, which I am even ashamed to name, but that the sins of women are to be cast as dirt on their faces, that they may be the more ashamed?
Obiect. Many of the forenamed titles are titles of amitie and familiaritie.
Object. Many of the forenamed titles are titles of amity and familiarity.
Anſw. Subiection is that marke which wiues are directed to aime at in their thoughts, words, deeds, and whole conuerſation towards their husband. Such tokens of familiaritie as are not withall tokens of ſubiection and reuerence, are vnbeſeeming a wife, becauſe they ſwerue from that marke.
Answ. Subjection is that mark which wives are directed to aim at in their thoughts, words, deeds, and whole conversation towards their husband. Such tokens of familiarity as are not withal tokens of subjection and reverence, are unbeseeming a wife, because they swerve from that mark.
Meekneſſe in a wiues manner of framing her ſpeech to her husband, doth alſo commend her reuerend reſpect of him. This is an eſpeciall effect of that meeke and quiet ſpirit which S. Peter requireth of wiues; which dutie he doth ſtrongly inforce by this weighty argument,616 which is before God a thing much ſet by. Is a wiues meekneſſe much ſet by before God, and ſhall not wiues hold it both a bounden dutie, and comely ornament, and grace vnto them? As the forme of words which a wife vſeth in asking or anſwering queſtions, or any other kinde of diſcourſe which ſhee holdeth with her husband, ſo her moderation in perſiſting, arguing and preſſing matters, yea and the milde compoſition of her countenance in ſpeaking, declare her meekneſſe. If ſhe be deſirous to obtaine any thing of him, fairely ſhe muſt intreat it, as the617 Shunemite: If ſhe would moue him to performe a bounden dutie, mildly ſhe muſt perſwade him. If ſhe would reſtraine and keepe him from doing that which is euill, euen that alſo ſhe muſt doe with ſome meekneſſe, as618 Pilats wife: If ſhe haue occaſion to tell him of a fault, therein ſhe ought to manifeſt humilitie and reuerence, by obſeruing a fit ſeaſon, and doing it after a gentle manner as619 Abigail: who as ſhe wiſely behaued her ſelfe in this reſpect with her husband in obſeruing a fit ſeaſon, ſo alſo with Dauid by intimating his fault vnto him, rather then plainly reprouing him, when ſhe ſaid, It ſhall be no griefe nor offence vnto my Lord, that he hath not ſhed bloud cauſeleſſe. This p. 285 meekneſſe requireth alſo ſilence and patience, euen when ſhe is reproued.
Meekness in a wives manner of framing her speech to her husband, doth also commend her reverend respect of him. This is an especial effect of that meek and quiet spirit which S. Peter requireth of wives; which duty he doth strongly enforce by this weighty argument, which is before God a thing much set by.616 Is a wives meekness much set by before God, and shall not wives hold it both a bounden duty, and comely ornament, and grace unto them? As the form of words which a wife useth in asking or answering questions, or any other kind of discourse which she holdeth with her husband, so her moderation in persisting, arguing and pressing matters, yea and the mild composition of her countenance in speaking, declare her meekness. If she be desirous to obtain any thing of him, fairly she must entreat it, as the Shunammite:617 If she would move him to perform a bounden duty, mildly she must persuade him. If she would restrain and keep him from doing that which is evil, even that also she must do with some meekness, as Pilate’s618 wife: If she have occasion to tell him of a fault, therein she ought to manifest humility and reverence, by observing a fit season, and doing it after a gentle manner as Abigail:619 who as she wisely behaved her self in this respect with her husband in observing a fit season, so also with David by intimating his fault unto him, rather then plainly reproving him, when she said, It shall be no grief nor offence unto my Lord, that he hath not shed blood causeless. This meekness requireth also silence and patience, even when she is reproved.
Contrary is the waſpiſh and ſhrewiſh diſpoſition of many620 wiues to their husbands, who care not how haſtily and vnaduiſedly they ſpeake to them, like621 Rahel; nor how angerly and chidingly, like622 Iezabel; nor how diſdainfully, and ſpightfully, like623 Zipporah; nor how ſcoffingly, and frumpingly, like624 Michal; nor how reproachfully and diſgracefully, like625 Iobs wife. If they be reproued by their husbands, their husbands ſhall be reproached by them: & they are ready to anſwer again, not only word for word, but ten for one. Many wiues by their ſhrewiſh ſpeeches, ſhew no more reſpect to their husbands, then to their ſeruants, if ſo much. The leaſt occaſion moueth them not only inwardly to be angry and fret againſt them, but alſo outwardly to manifeſt the ſame by chiding and brawling. The very obiect whereupon many wiues vſually ſpit out their venomous words, is their husband; when their ſtomacks are full, they muſt needs eaſe them on their husbands: wherein their fault is doubled.
Contrary is the waspish and shrewish disposition of many620 wives to their husbands, who care not how hastily and unadvisedly they speak to them, like Rachel;621 nor how angerly and chidingly, like Jezebel;622 nor how disdainfully, and spitefully, like Zipporah;623 nor how scoffingly, and frumpingly, like Michal;624 nor how reproachfully and disgracefully, like Job’s625 wife. If they be reproved by their husbands, their husbands shall be reproached by them: & they are ready to answer again, not only word for word, but ten for one. Many wives by their shrewish speeches, show no more respect to their husbands, then to their servants, if so much. The least occasion moveth them not only inwardly to be angry and fret against them, but also outwardly to manifest the same by chiding and brawling. The very object whereupon many wives usually spit out their venomous words, is their husband; when their stomachs are full, they must needs ease them on their husbands: wherein their fault is doubled.
Let wiues therefore learne firſt to moderate their paſſion, and then to keepe in their tongues with bit and bridle, but moſt of all to take heed that their husbands taſte not of the bitterneſſe thereof, no not though they ſhould by ſome ouerſight of their husbands be prouoked. It is to be noted how Salomon calleth the iarres which are betweene man and wife, the contentions of a wife, whereby he intimateth that ſhe commonly626 is the cauſe thereof, either by prouoking her husband, or not bearing with him.
- 626. Prou. 19. 13. [moved in the edition]
Let wives therefore learn first to moderate their passion, and then to keep in their tongues with bit and bridle, but most of all to take heed that their husbands taste not of the bitterness thereof, no not though they should by some oversight of their husbands be provoked. It is to be noted how Solomon calleth the jars which are between man and wife, the contentions of a wife,626 whereby he intimateth that she commonly is the cause thereof, either by provoking her husband, or not bearing with him.
- 626. Prov‸ 19:‸13. [moved here by the editor]
§. 16. Of a wiues ſpeech of her husband627 in his abſence.
§. 16. Of a wives speech of her husband in his absence.627
The reuerence which a wife beareth to her husband, muſt further be manifeſted by her ſpeeches of him in his abſence. So did Sarah manifeſt her reuerence, and ſo muſt all ſuch as deſire628 to be accounted the daughters of Sarah. The Church ſpeaking of her Spouſe, doth it with as great reuerence, as if ſhe629 had ſpoken to him. It was for honour and reuerence ſake, that the Virgin Mary called Ioſeph the Father of Ieſus, when ſhe630 ſpake of him.
The reverence which a wife beareth to her husband, must further be manifested by her speeches of him in his absence. So did Sarah manifest her reverence,628 and so must all such as desire to be accounted the daughters of Sarah. The Church speaking of her Spouse,629 doth it with as great reverence, as if she had spoken to him. It was for honour and reverence sake, that the Virgin Mary called Joseph the father of Jesus,630 when she spake of him.
This ſheweth that a wiues reuerend ſpeeches in preſence of p. 286 her husband and to his face, are not in flatterie to pleaſe him and fawne vpon him, but in ſinceritie to pleaſe God and performe her dutie.
This showeth that a wives reverend speeches in presence of her husband and to his face, are not in flattery to please him and fawn upon him, but in sincerity to please God and perform her duty.
Contrary therefore to their dutie deale they, who in preſence631 can afford the faireſt and meek eſt ſpeeches that may be to their husbands face, but632 behinde their backs ſpeake moſt reproachfully of them.
A Wife’s Not Going Against Her Husband’s Will (I)
A Wife’s Not Going Against Her Husband’s Will (I)
§. 17. Of a wiues obedience in generall.
§. 17. Of a wives obedience in general.
Hitherto of a wiues reuerence, it followeth to ſpeake of her obedience: The firſt law that euer was giuen to woman ſince her fall, laid vpon her this dutie of Obedience to her husband, in theſe words,633 Thy deſire ſhall be to thine husband, and he ſhall rule ouer thee. How can an husband rule ouer a wife, if ſhe obey not him? The principall part of that ſubmiſſion which in this634 text, and in many other places is required of a wife, conſiſteth in obedience: and therefore it is expreſly commended vnto wiues in the example of Sarah who635 obeyed Abraham. Thus by Obedience doth the Church manifeſt her ſubiection to Chriſt.
Hitherto of a wives reverence, it followeth to speak of her obedience: The first law that ever was given to woman since her fall, laid upon her this duty of obedience to her husband, in these words, Thy desire shall be to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee.633 How can an husband rule over a wife, if she obey not him? The principal part of that submission which in this634 text, and in many other places is required of a wife, consisteth in obedience: and therefore it is expressly commended unto wives in the example of Sarah who635 obeyed Abraham. Thus by obedience doth the Church manifest her subjection to Christ.
The place wherein God hath ſet an husband; namely, to be an636 head; the authoritie which he hath giuen vnto him, to be a637 Lord and638 Maſter; the duty which he requireth of him639 to rule, doe all require obedience of a wife. Is not obedience to be yeelded to an Head, Lord, and Maſter? Take away all authoritie from an husband, if ye exempt a wife from obedience.
The place wherein God hath set an husband; namely, to be an head;636 the authority which he hath given unto him, to be a Lord637 and master;638 the duty which he requireth of him639 to rule, do all require obedience of a wife. Is not obedience to be yielded to an Head, Lord, and master? Take away all authority from an husband, if ye exempt a wife from obedience.
Contrary is the ſtoutneſſe of ſuch wiues as muſt haue their640 own will, and doe what they liſt, or elſe all ſhall be out of quiet. Their will muſt be done, they muſt rule and ouer-rule all, they muſt command not only children and ſeruants, but husbands alſo, if at leaſt the husband will be at peace. Looke into families, obſerue the eſtate and condition of many of them, and then tell me if theſe things be not ſo. If an husband be a man of courage, and ſeeke to ſtand vpon his right, and maintaine his authoritie by requiring obedience of his wife, ſtrange it is to behold what an hurly burly ſhe will make in the houſe: but if he be a milke-ſop, and baſely yeeld vnto his wife, and ſuffer her to rule, then, it may be, there ſhall be ſome outward quiet. The ground hereof is an ambitious and proud humour in p. 287 women, who muſt needs rule, or elſe they thinke themſelues ſlaues. But let them thinke as they liſt: aſſuredly herein they thwart Gods ordinance, peruert the order of nature, deface the image of Chriſt, ouerthrow the ground of all dutie, hinder the good of the family, become an ill patterne to children and ſeruants, lay themſelues open to Satan, and incurre many other miſchiefes which cannot but follow vpon the violating of this maine duty of Obedience, which if it be not performed, how can other duties be expected?
- 640. Contrary to obedience, ſtoutneſſe.
Contrary is the stoutness of such wives as must have their640 own will, and do what they list, or else all shall be out of quiet. Their will must be done, they must rule and over-rule all, they must command not only children and servants, but husbands also, if at least the husband will be at peace. Look into families, observe the estate and condition of many of them, and then tell me if these things be not so. If an husband be a man of courage, and seek to stand upon his right, and maintain his authority by requiring obedience of his wife, strange it is to behold what an hurly burly she will make in the house: but if he be a milk-sop, and basely yield unto his wife, and suffer her to rule, then, it may be, there shall be some outward quiet. The ground hereof is an ambitious and proud humour in women, who must needs rule, or else they think themselves slaves. But let them think as they list: assuredly herein they thwart God’s ordinance, pervert the order of nature, deface the image of Christ, overthrow the ground of all duty, hinder the good of the family, become an ill pattern to children and servants, lay themselves open to Satan, and incur many other mischiefs which cannot but follow upon the violating of this main duty of obedience, which if it be not performed, how can other duties be expected?
- 640. Contrary to obedience, stoutness.
§. 18. Of the caſes wherein a wife hath power to order things of the houſe without her husbands conſent.
§. 18. Of the cases wherein a wife hath power to order things of the house without her husbands consent.
A wiues obedience requireth Submiſſion.
Contentment.
A wives obedience requireth
- Submission.
- Contentment.
Submiſſion in yeelding to her husbands minde and will.
Submission in yielding to her husbands mind and will.
That Submiſſion conſiſteth in two things.
That Submission consisteth in two things.
Firſt, in abſtaining from doing things againſt her husbands minde.
First, in abstaining from doing things against her husbands mind.
Secondly, in doing what her husband requireth. The former of theſe requireth that a wife haue her husbands conſent for the things which ſhe doth. For the better cleering whereof we are to conſider,
Secondly, in doing what her husband requireth. The former of these requireth that a wife have her husbands consent for the things which she doth. For the better clearing whereof we are to consider,
1. What kinde of husbands they muſt be whoſe conſent is required.
1. What kind of husbands they must be whose consent is required.
2. How many waies his conſent may be giuen.
2. How many ways his consent may be given.
3. What are the things whereabout his conſent is to be expected.
3. What are the things whereabout his consent is to be expected.
For the firſt, as on the one ſide it oft falleth out that a wife,642 prouident, and religious man is maried to a fooliſh woman, a very ideot, that hath no vnderſtanding, of whom there can be no queſtion, but that ſuch a wife is to doe nothing of her ſelfe, and of her owne head, but altogether to be ordered by her husband: So on the other ſide, it oft falleth out that a wiſe, vertuous, and gratious woman, is maried to an husband deſtitute643 of vnderſtanding, to a very naturall (as we ſay) or a frenzy man, or to one made very blockiſh, and ſtupid, vnfit to manage his affaires through ſome diſtemper, wound, or ſickneſle. p. 288 In ſuch a caſe the whole gouernment lieth vpon the wife, ſo as her husbands conſent is not to be expected.
For the first, as on the one side it oft falleth out that a wise,642 provident, and religious man is married to a foolish woman, a very idiot, that hath no understanding, of whom there can be no question, but that such a wife is to do nothing of her self, and of her own head, but altogether to be ordered by her husband: So on the other side, it oft falleth out that a wise, virtuous, and gracious woman, is married to an husband destitute643 of understanding, to a very natural (as we say) or a frenzy man, or to one made very blockish, and stupid, unfit to manage his affairs through some distemper, wound, or sickness. In such a case the whole government lieth upon the wife, so as her husbands consent is not to be expected.
Queſt. What if the husband be a wicked and prophane man, and ſo blinded and ſtupified in his ſoule, doth not this ſpirituall blindneſſe and blockiſhneſe giue a religious wife as great libertie as naturall ſtupiditie?
Quest. What if the husband be a wicked and profane man, and so blinded and stupefied in his soul, doth not this spiritual blindness and blockishness give a religious wife as great liberty as natural stupidity?
The reaſon is cleare: For ſpirituall blindneſſe diſableth not from ciuill gouernment: indeed nothing that ſuch a man doth is acceptable to God, or auailable to his owne ſaluation; but yet it may be profitable to man: a wicked man may be prouident enough for wife, children, and whole family in outward temporall things.
The reason is clear: For spiritual blindness disableth not from civil government: indeed nothing that such a man doth is acceptable to God, or available to his own salvation; but yet it may be profitable to man: a wicked man may be provident enough for wife, children, and whole family in outward temporal things.
Againe, it oft falleth out, that an husband is a long time645 farre off abſent from the houſe: ſometimes by reaſon of his calling, as an Ambaſſadour, Souldier, or Mariner; ſometimes alſo careleſly or wilfully neglecting houſe, goods, wife, children and all: and in his abſence hath left no order for the ordering of things at home: in this caſe alſo there is no queſtion, but that the wife hath power to diſpoſe matters without her husbands conſent: prouided that ſhe obſerue thoſe rules of Gods word concerning iuſtice, equitie, truth and mercie, which an husband in his diſpoſing of them ought to obſerue.
- 645. In caſe of impoſſibilitie for her huſband to doe it.
Again, it oft falleth out, that an husband is a long time645 far off absent from the house: sometimes by reason of his calling, as an Ambassador, Soldier, or Mariner; sometimes also carelessly or wilfully neglecting house, goods, wife, children and all: and in his absence hath left no order for the ordering of things at home: in this case also there is no question, but that the wife hath power to dispose matters without her husbands consent: provided that she observe those rules of God’s word concerning justice, equity, truth and mercy, which an husband in his disposing of them ought to observe.
- 645. In case of impossibility for her husband to do it.
The firſt of theſe caſes declareth an impotencie in the huſband: the other an impoſſibilitie for him to order matters: wherefore the wife being next to the husband, the power of ordering things is diuolued on her: ſhe is not bound to haue his conſent.
The first of these cases declareth an impotency in the husband: the other an impossibility for him to order matters: wherefore the wife being next to the husband, the power of ordering things is devolved on her: she is not bound to have his consent.
§. 19. Of diuers kindes of conſent.
§. 19. Of divers kinds of consent.
II. A conſent may be generall or particular. A generall646 conſent is giuen, when without diſtinct reſpect to this or that particular, libertie is granted to a wife by her husband to doe all things as ſeemeth good in her owne eyes.647 That excellent good wife, and notable good houſe-wife that is ſet forth by the Wiſe-man, had ſuch a conſent. For firſt, it is ſaid,648 The heart of her husband truſteth in her; and then it is inferred, that p. 289 ſhe ordereth all the things of the houſe, whereof many particulars are there ſpecified. Whence I gather, that her husband obſeruing her to be a godly, wiſe, faithfull, and induſtrious woman, gaue her power and liberty to doe in the houſe-hold affaires, what ſhe thought good, (he being a publike magiſtrate, for649 he was knowne in the gates, ſitting among the Elders of the land) and accordingly ſhe vſed her liberty.
II. A consent may be general or particular. A general646 consent is given, when without distinct respect to this or that particular, liberty is granted to a wife by her husband to do all things as seemeth good in her own eyes.647 That excellent good wife, and notable good house-wife that is set forth by the Wise-man, had such a consent. For first, it is said, The heart of her husband trusteth in her;648 and then it is inferred, that she ordereth all the things of the house, whereof many particulars are there specified. Whence I gather, that her husband observing her to be a godly, wise, faithful, and industrious woman, gave her power and liberty to do in the house-hold affairs, what she thought good, (he being a public magistrate, for he was known in the gates, sitting among the Elders of the land)649 and accordingly she used her liberty.
This particular conſent may be expreſſed or implied. An expreſſed conſent is when the husband manifeſteth his good liking by word, writing, meſſage, or ſigne, and that whether his conſent be asked (as was noted in the example of Elkanah) or freely offered.
This particular consent may be expressed or implied. An expressed consent is when the husband manifesteth his good liking by word, writing, message, or sign, and that whether his consent be asked (as was noted in the example of Elkanah) or freely offered.
An implicit conſent, when by any probable coniecture it may be gathered that the husbands will is not againſt ſuch a thing,653 though he haue not manifeſted his minde concerning that very particular. This implicit conſent may be gathered either by his ſilence when he is preſent to ſee a thing done, or otherwiſe hath knowledge thereof: or elſe when he is abſent, by his former cariage or diſpoſition in other like caſes. The Scripture accounteth an husbands ſilence, when he knoweth a thing and may, but doth not forbid it, to be a conſent: as654 in the caſe of a wiues vow. For any thing we read to the contrary655 the Shunemite had no other conſent to prepare a chamber for the Prophet, and to goe vnto him, then her husbands ſilence, and not forbidding it when he knew it.
An implicit consent, when by any probable conjecture it may be gathered that the husbands will is not against such a thing,653 though he have not manifested his mind concerning that very particular. This implicit consent may be gathered either by his silence when he is present to see a thing done, or otherwise hath knowledge thereof: or else when he is absent, by his former carriage or disposition in other like cases. The Scripture accounteth an husbands silence, when he knoweth a thing and may, but doth not forbid it, to be a consent: as654 in the case of a wives vow. For any thing we read to the contrary655 the Shunammite had no other consent to prepare a chamber for the Prophet, and to go unto him, then her husbands silence, and not forbidding it when he knew it.
As for the other kinde of implicit conſent, it may be ſet forth in this following inſtance: ſuppoſe a good wife hath an husband whom ſhe knoweth by his former cariage and diſpoſition to be a pittifull and charitable man, taking all occaſions to ſhew mercy, and in his abſence there falleth out a fit and needfull occaſion of ſhewing mercy; if ſhe take that occaſion to ſhew mercy, ſhe hath an implicit conſent, for ſhe may well thinke that if her husband knew it he would approue what ſhe doth. It is to be ſuppoſed that656 Annah vpon ſome ſuch ground vowed her childe to God. p. 290 For it is not likely that ſhe who would not tarry at home to weine her childe without her husbands conſent, would much leſſe vow him to the Lord (which was a farre greater matter) without ſome perſwaſion of her husbands good liking thereof. Now that a wife may ſhew ſhe dealeth vprightly in this caſe vpon a true perſwaſion of her heart concerning her husbands minde, ſhe ought (when conueniently ſhe can) to make known to her husband what ſhe hath done: as without all queſtion Annah did; and ſo much may be gathered out of theſe words which Elkanah vttered to Annah,657 the Lord eſtabliſh his word.
As for the other kind of implicit consent, it may be set forth in this following instance: suppose a good wife hath an husband whom she knoweth by his former carriage and disposition to be a pitiful and charitable man, taking all occasions to show mercy, and in his absence there falleth out a fit and needful occasion of showing mercy; if she take that occasion to show mercy, she hath an implicit consent, for she may well think that if her husband knew it he would approve what she doth. It is to be supposed that Hannah656 upon some such ground vowed her child to God. For it is not likely that she who would not tarry at home to wean her child without her husbands consent, would much less vow him to the Lord (which was a far greater matter) without some persuasion of her husbands good liking thereof. Now that a wife may show she dealeth uprightly in this case upon a true persuasion of her heart concerning her husbands mind, she ought (when conveniently she can) to make known to her husband what she hath done: as without all question Hannah did; and so much may be gathered out of these words which Elkanah uttered to Hannah, the Lord establish his word.657
§. 20. Of the things whereabout a wife muſt haue her huſbands conſent.
§. 20. Of the things whereabout a wife must have her husbands consent.
The things whereabout an husbands conſent is to be expected, are ſuch as he by vertue of his place and authoritie hath power to order: as for example, ordering and diſpoſing the goods, cattell, ſeruants, and children of the family, entertaining ſtrangers; yea, alſo ordering euen his wiues going abroad, and making of vowes, with the like: now then diſtinctly to lay downe a wiues dutie in this firſt branch of obedience, it is this:
The things whereabout an husbands consent is to be expected, are such as he by virtue of his place and authority hath power to order: as for example, ordering and disposing the goods, cattle, servants, and children of the family, entertaining strangers; yea, also ordering even his wives going abroad, and making of vows, with the like: now then distinctly to lay down a wives duty in this first branch of obedience, it is this:
A wife muſt doe nothing which appertaineth to her husband authoritie ſimply without, or directly againſt his conſent. Doe not theſe words of that old law (thy deſire ſhall be to thy husband)658 imply as much? I deny not but that there may be ſundry things proper and peculiar to a wife, wherein I will not reſtraine her libertie: and therefore I vſe this phraſe (which appertaineth to her husbands authoritie.) And I grant the forenamed generall and implicit conſent, to be a true conſent, ſo as there needeth not an expreſſe particular conſent for euery thing, and therefore I haue added theſe clauſes (ſimply without, or directly againſt conſent.)
- 658. Gen. 3. 16.
A wife must do nothing which appertaineth to her husbands authority simply without, or directly against his consent. Do not these words of that old law (thy desire shall be to thy husband)658 imply as much? I deny not but that there may be sundry things proper and peculiar to a wife, wherein I will not restrain her liberty: and therefore I use this phrase (which appertaineth to her husbands authority.) And I grant the forenamed general and implicit consent, to be a true consent, so as there needeth not an express particular consent for every thing, and therefore I have added these clauses (simply without, or directly against consent.)
- 658. Gen‸ 3:‸16.
That is done ſimply without conſent which is done without all warrant from the husband, and that ſo couertly as ſhe is afraid it ſhould come to his notice, imagining he would by no meanes like it: As Rahels taking her fathers idols without all659 conſent of Iaakob.
- 659. Gen. 31. 32. [moved in the edition]
That is done simply without consent which is done without all warrant from the husband, and that so covertly as she is afraid it should come to his notice, imagining he would by no means like it: As Rahels taking her fathers idols659 without all consent of Jacob.
- 659. Gen‸ 31:‸32. [moved here by the editor]
That is done directly againſt conſent which is expreſly forbidden and diſclaimed by the husband.
That is done directly against consent which is expressly forbidden and disclaimed by the husband.
p. 291 But to deſcend to the particulars before mentioned: Firſt concerning the goods of the family: It is a queſtion controuerted whether the wife haue power to diſpoſe them without or againſt the husbands conſent.
But to descend to the particulars before mentioned: First concerning the goods of the family: It is a question controverted whether the wife have power to dispose them without or against the husbands consent.
Before I determine the queſtion, I thinke it needfull to declare, 1. What goods, 2. What occaſion of giuing the queſtion is about.
Before I determine the question, I think it needful to declare, 1. What goods, 2. What occasion of giving the question is about.
§. 21. Of the things which a wife may diſpoſe without her husbands conſent.
§. 21. Of the things which a wife may dispose without her husbands consent.
1. For the goods, ſome are proper and peculiar to the wife:660 others are common. Goods proper to the wife are ſuch as before mariage ſhe her ſelfe, or her friends except from the huſband to her ſole and proper vſe and diſpoſing, whereunto he alſo yeeldeth: or ſuch as after mariage he giueth vnto her to diſpoſe as ſhe pleaſe: ſuppoſe it be ſome rent, annuity, fees, vailes, or the like.
- 660. Quaedam bona ſunt propria vxoris, vt ſunt bona paraphernalia. Greg. Sayr. Clau. reg. l. 9. c. 16.
1. For the goods, some are proper and peculiar to the wife:660 others are common. Goods proper to the wife are such as before marriage she her self, or her friends except from the husband to her sole and proper use and disposing, whereunto he also yieldeth: or such as after marriage he giveth unto her to dispose as she please: suppose it be some rent, annuity, fees, veils, or the like.
- 660. Quaedam bona sunt propria uxoris, vt sunt bona paraphernalia. Greg. Sayr. Clau. reg. l. 9. c. 16.
Theſe kindes of goods are exempted out of the queſtion661 in hand; the wife hath liberty to diſpoſe them as ſhe pleaſe without any further conſent then ſhe had by vertue of her hausbands former grant.
- 661. Παράφερνα bona apud iuriſconſultos, dicuntur τὰ ἐξώπροικα (i.) quae ſponſa praeter dotem à parentibus pactam ſecum fert: vel (vt Sayrus loc. citat.) habet legata ei, ſeu donata.
These kinds of goods are exempted out of the question661 in hand; the wife hath liberty to dispose them as she please without any further consent then she had by virtue of her husbands former grant.
- 661. Παράφερνα bona apud iurisconsultos, dicuntur τὰ ἐξώπροικα (i.) quae sponsa praeter dotem à parentibus pactam secum fert: vel (vt Sayrus loc. citat.) habet legata ei, seu donata.
To theſe I may referre other goods, but of another nature, namely ſuch as ſome friend of hers, ſuppoſe father, mother, brother, or any other, obſeruing her husband to be a very hard man, not allowing ſufficient for her ſelfe, much leſſe to diſtribute on charitable vſes, ſhall giue vnto her to diſpoſe as she pleaſe, charging her not to let her husband know thereof. How becauſe it is in the power of a free doner to order his gift as he pleaſe, and becauſe he ſo ordereth this gift as he will not haue her husband know of it, I doubt not but ſhe may of her ſelfe according to the doners minde without her huſbands conſent, diſpoſe ſuch goods. She is herein but as a feoffee in truſt.
To these I may refer other goods, but of another nature, namely such as some friend of hers, suppose father, mother, brother, or any other, observing her husband to be a very hard man, not allowing sufficient for her self, much less to distribute on charitable uses, shall give unto her to dispose as she please, charging her not to let her husband know thereof. Now because it is in the power of a free doner to order his gift as he please, and because he so ordereth this gift as he will not have her husband know of it, I doubt not but she may of her self according to the doners mind without her husbands consent, dispose such goods. She is herein but as a feoffee in trust.
Againe of common goods ſome are ſet forth by the huſband to be ſpent about the family, other he reſerueth for a stocke, or to lay forth as he himſelfe ſhall ſee occaſion.
Again of common goods some are set forth by the husband to be spent about the family, other he reserveth for a stock, or to lay forth as he himself shall see occasion.
Concerning thoſe which are ſet forth to be ſpent, I doubt not but the wife hath power to diſpoſe them; neither is ſhe bound to aske any further conſent of her husband. For it p. 292 is the wiues place and dutie to guide or gouerne the houſe,662 by vertue whereof, prouiding ſufficiently for the family, ſhe may, as ſhe ſeeth good occaſion, of ſuch goods as are ſet apart to be ſpent, diſtribute to poore, or otherwiſe.
- 662. 1 Tim. 5. 14. οἰκοδεσποτεῖν.
Concerning those which are set forth to be spent, I doubt not but the wife hath power to dispose them; neither is she bound to ask any further consent of her husband. For it is the wives place and duty to guide or govern the house,662 by virtue whereof, providing sufficiently for the family, she may, as she seeth good occasion, of such goods as are set apart to be spent, distribute to poor, or otherwise.
- 662. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸14‸ οἰκοδεσποτεῖν.
This I haue noted for ſuch tender conſciences as thinke they cannot giue a bit of bread, or ſcarp of meat to a poore body, or make a meſſe of broth or caudle for a ſicke body, except they firſt aske their husbands conſent.
This I have noted for such tender consciences as think they cannot give a bit of bread, or scrap of meat to a poor body, or make a mess of broth or caudle for a sick body, except they first ask their husbands consent.
Prouided that if her husband expreſly forbid this liberty, ſhe take it not except neceſſity require it.
Provided that if her husband expressly forbid this liberty, she take it not except necessity require it.
But our queſtion is concerning ſuch goods as the husband hath not ſet apart, but reſerued to his owne diſpoſing.
But our question is concerning such goods as the husband hath not set apart, but reserved to his own disposing.
§. 22. Of a wiues liberty in extraordinary matters.
§. 22. Of a wives liberty in extraordinary matters.
II. For the occaſion of diſpoſing goods it may be ordinary or extraordinary. Extraordinary for the good of the husband himſelfe, and others in the family, or ſuch as are out of the family. If there fall out an extraordinary occaſion whereby the wife by diſpoſing the goods without or againſt the conſent of her husband may bring a great good to the family, or preuent and keepe a great miſchiefe from it, ſhe is not to ſtay for his conſent; inſtance the example of663 Abigail. Thus a faithfull prouident wife obſeruing her husband to riot, and to ſpend all he can get in carding, dicing, and drinking, may without his conſent lay vp what goods ſhe can for her husbands, her own, her childrens, and whole houſholds good. This is no part of diſobedience, but a point wherein ſhe may ſhew her ſelfe a great good helpe vnto her husband;664 for which end a wife was firſt made.
II. For the occasion of disposing goods it may be ordinary or extraordinary. Extraordinary for the good of the husband himself, and others in the family, or such as are out of the family. If there fall out an extraordinary occasion whereby the wife by disposing the goods without or against the consent of her husband may bring a great good to the family, or prevent and keep a great mischief from it, she is not to stay for his consent; instance the example of Abigail.663 Thus a faithful provident wife observing her husband to riot, and to spend all he can get in carding, dicing, and drinking, may without his consent lay up what goods she can for her husbands, her own, her children’s, and whole households good. This is no part of disobedience, but a point wherein she may show her self a great good help unto her husband;664 for which end a wife was first made.
Concerning ſuch as are out of the family, if they be in great need, and require preſent releefe, though the wife know her husband to be ſo hard-hearted, as he will not ſuffer her to releeue ſuch an one, yet without his conſent ſhe may releeue him. The ground of this and other like caſes is that rule laid downe by the Prophets, and by Chriſt himſelfe, viz.665 I will haue mercie and not ſacrifice. If God in caſe of mercie diſpenſeth with a dutie due to himſelfe, will he not much more diſpenſe with a dutie due to an husband?
- 665. Oſe. 6. 6. Mat 9. 13. & 12. 7. [moved in the edition]
Concerning such as are out of the family, if they be in great need, and require present relief, though the wife know her husband to be so hard-hearted, as he will not suffer her to relieve such an one, yet without his consent she may relieve him. The ground of this and other like cases is that rule laid down by the Prophets, and by Christ himself, viz. I will have mercy and not sacrifice.665 If God in case of mercy dispenseth with a duty due to himself, will he not much more dispense with a duty due to an husband?
- 665. Hos 6:‸6. ‸‸ Matt 9:‸13‸‸; 12:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
§. 23. Of a wiues666 reſtraint in diſpoſing goods without conſent of her husband: and of the ground of that reſtraint.
§. 23. Of a wives restraint in disposing goods without consent of her husband: and of the ground of that restraint.*
Out of all theſe things thus premiſed I gather the true ſtate667 of the queſtion in controuerſie concerning the power of wiues in diſpoſing the goods of the family to be this,
Out of all these things thus premised I gather the true state667 of the question in controversy concerning the power of wives in disposing the goods of the family to be this,
Whether a wife may priuily and ſimply without, or openly and directly againſt her husbands conſent diſtribute ſuch common goods of the family as her husband reſerueth to his owne diſpoſing, there being no extraordinary neceſſity?
Whether a wife may privily and simply without, or openly and directly against her husbands consent distribute such common goods of the family as her husband reserveth to his own disposing, there being no extraordinary necessity?
The moſt ancient and common anſwer vnto this queſtion hath beene negatiue, namely, that a wife hath not power ſo to doe: whereunto I for my part ſubſcribe.
The most ancient and common answer unto this question hath been negative, namely, that a wife hath not power so to do: whereunto I for my part subscribe.
The ground of this anſwer is taken from that primary law of the wiues ſubiection,668 Thy deſire ſhall be vnto thine husband. How is her deſire ſubiect to her husband, if in the caſe propounded ſhe ſtand not vpon his conſent? It is further confirmed both by the669 forenamed, and alſo by all other proofes that might be produced out of the Scripture concerning the ſubiection of wiues vnto their husbands. If in ordering the goods of the family ſhe yeeld not ſubiection, wherein ſhall ſhe yeeld it?
The ground of this answer is taken from that primary law of the wives subjection, Thy desire shall be unto thine husband.668 How is her desire subject to her husband, if in the case propounded she stand not upon his consent? It is further confirmed both by the669 forenamed, and also by all other proofs that might be produced out of the Scripture concerning the subjection of wives unto their husbands. If in ordering the goods of the family she yield not subjection, wherein shall she yield it?
Againſt this ground-worke ſome obiect that670 the ſame law of ſubiection is impoſed vpon a younger brother in the very ſame words, and yet a younger brother was not therby bound671 to haue his elder brothers conſent in diſpoſing his goods.
Anſw. The law of the regality (as I may ſo ſpeake) and preheminency of the firſt borne was vnder thoſe words ordained: and therfore a younger brother was made a ſubiect to his elder, while he remained in the family, as a ſonne to the father. The elder brother was as a lord ouer his other brothers: whereupon when Iſaak conferred the right of the firſt borne vpon Iaakob (thinking he had beene his eldeſt ſonne Eſau) he vſed theſe words, Be lord ouer thy brethren, and let thy672 mothers ſonnes bow downe to thee. Which being ſo, queſtionleſſe the younger brother might not ſimply without or directly againſt the elder brothers conſent diſpoſe the goods of the family: ſo as this obiection more ſtrongly eſtabliſheth the forenamed argument.
- 672. Gen. 27. 29.
Answ. The law of the regality (as I may so speak) and preeminence of the first born was under those words ordained: and therefore a younger brother was made a subject to his elder, while he remained in the family, as a son to the father. The elder brother was as a lord over his other brothers: whereupon when Isaac conferred the right of the first born upon Jacob (thinking he had been his eldest son Esau) he used these words, Be lord over thy brethren, and let thy672 mothers sons bow down to thee. Which being so, questionless the younger brother might not simply without or directly against the elder brothers consent dispose the goods of the family: so as this objection more strongly establisheth the forenamed argument.
- 672. Gen‸ 27:‸29.
p. 294 Againe it is obiected that that old law is to be expounded of weighty matters.
Again it is objected that that old law is to be expounded of weighty matters.
Anſw. The Apoſtle who was guided by the ſpirit of the673 law-maker, extendeth that law to euery thing: But is not this matter of diſpoſing goods a weighty matter? The conſequences which I ſhall by and by note to follow hereupon will ſhew it to be a matter of moment.
- 673. Eph. 5. 24. [moved in the edition]
Answ. The Apostle673 who was guided by the spirit of the law-maker, extendeth that law to every thing: But is not this matter of disposing goods a weighty matter? The consequences which I shall by and by note to follow hereupon will show it to be a matter of moment.
- 673. Eph‸ 5:‸24. [moved here by the editor]
§. 24. Of the example of the Shunemite in asking her huſbands conſent.674
§. 24. Of the example of the Shunammite in asking her husbands consent.674
As another reaſon may be alleged the Shunemites patterne who asked her husbands conſent before ſhe prepared the things that were thought meet for the Prophets entertainment: and before ſhe vſed the things which were meet for her iourney.
- 674. 2 King. 4. 9, 22.
As another reason may be alleged the Shunammite’s pattern who asked her husbands consent before she prepared the things that were thought meet for the Prophets entertainment: and before she used the things which were meet for her journey.
- 674. 2 Kgs 4:‸9, 22.
Obiect. It is indeed commendable for wiues to ſeeke their husbands conſent as ſhe did, but where ſuch conſent cannot be had, it is not neceſſary.
Object. It is indeed commendable for wives to seek their husbands consent as she did, but where such consent cannot be had, it is not necessary.
Anſw. This example being grounded vpon a law (as we ſhewed675 before) it doth not only declare what may be done, but alſo what ought to be done. And if a wife be bound to haue her husbands conſent for doing of a thing, by conſequence it followeth that ſhe is bound from doing it, without her huſbands conſent.
- 675. §. 23.
Answ. This example being grounded upon a law (as we showed675 before) it doth not only declare what may be done, but also what ought to be done. And if a wife be bound to have her husbands consent for doing of a thing, by consequence it followeth that she is bound from doing it, without her husbands consent.
- 675. §. 23.
2. Anſw. They that except againſt this reaſon taken from example, vſe themſelues the like reaſon in other points, as the examples of Abigail, Ioanna, and Suſanna for the contrarie.
2. Answ. They that except against this reason taken from example, use themselves the like reason in other points, as the examples of Abigail, Joanna, and Susanna for the contrary.
2. Obiect. In the Shunemites example there was more then a mercifull releefe of the Prophet, namely bringing him into the houſe to diet and to lodge, wherein the husband muſt haue a chiefe ſtroake.
2. Object. In the Shunammite’s example there was more then a merciful relief of the Prophet, namely bringing him into the house to diet and to lodge, wherein the husband must have a chief stroke.
Anſw. The word of God maketh not that difference betwixt releeuing and entertaining: it extendeth a wiues ſubiection to euery thing: wherefore the husband hath a chiefe ſtroake as well in the one, as in the other.
Answ. The word of God maketh not that difference betwixt relieving and entertaining: it extendeth a wives subjection to every thing: wherefore the husband hath a chief stroke as well in the one, as in the other.
§. 25. Of the law of a wiues vow.
§. 25. Of the law of a wives vow.
A third reaſon is taken from the law of a wiues vow: whereby676 in generall is implied, that a wife might not make a vow p. 295 without her husbands conſent: whence it followeth as an argument taken from the greater to the leſſe, that ſhe may not diſpoſe the goods without his conſent. Yea,677 the Law further expreſly ſaith, that though ſhe hath vowed, yet her husband hath power to diſanull her vow. Note here, how the Lord will rather depart from his owne right (as I may ſo ſpeake) then haue that order which he hath appointed betwixt man and woman broken. The Lords right, was to haue what was vowed to him performed: the order which he appointed, was to haue the wife ſubiect to her husband: rather then the wife ſhould doe that which the husband would not haue done, the Lord remitted a wiues vow in caſe her husband would not conſent to haue it performed. Now then I demand, is the diſpoſing of goods a greater matter then the performing of a vow? or hath a wife in theſe dayes more libertie then in former? if ſhe haue, by what law? was there euer vnder the Law a ſtraiter charge laid vpon wiues then this, Let wiues be ſubiect to their husbands in euerie thing.
A third reason is taken from the law of a wives vow:676 whereby in general is implied, that a wife might not make a vow without her husbands consent: whence it followeth as an argument taken from the greater to the less, that she may not dispose the goods without his consent. Yea,677 the Law further expressly saith, that though she hath vowed, yet her husband hath power to disannul her vow. Note here, how the Lord will rather depart from his own right (as I may so speak) then have that order which he hath appointed betwixt man and woman broken. The Lord’s right, was to have what was vowed to him performed: the order which he appointed, was to have the wife subject to her husband: rather then the wife should do that which the husband would not have done, the Lord remitted a wives vow in case her husband would not consent to have it performed. Now then I demand, is the disposing of goods a greater matter then the performing of a vow? Or hath a wife in these days more liberty then in former? If she have, by what law? Was there ever under the Law a straiter charge laid upon wives then this, Let wives be subject to their husbands in every thing.
Obiect. That point of a womans ſubiection in performing her vow, is a particular ruled caſe: but not this of diſpoſing goods.
Object. That point of a woman’s subjection in performing her vow, is a particular ruled case: but not this of disposing goods.
Anſw. The Scripture by particular Lawes and examples teacheth directions for other caſes like to them: and arguments drawne by iuſt and neceſſarie conſequence, are counted as ſound as expreſſe teſtimonies. Whereas it is ſaid, that this particular in queſtion is not expreſly decided, I take the reaſon thereof to be this, that in former times they ſo well marked the extent of the generall law of a wiues ſubiection, as they made no queſtion of doing this or other like things without their husbands conſent. Neither did good wiues take that libertie, neither had they any patrons of ſuch libertie.
Answ. The Scripture by particular Laws and examples teacheth directions for other cases like to them: and arguments drawn by just and necessary consequence, are counted as sound as express testimonies. Whereas it is said, that this particular in question is not expressly decided, I take the reason thereof to be this, that in former times they so well marked the extent of the general law of a wives subjection, as they made no question of doing this or other like things without their husbands consent. Neither did good wives take that liberty, neither had they any patrons of such liberty.
2. Obiect. The caſe of a wiues diſpoſing goods is vnlike to that of vowes, becauſe vowes are voluntarie, but diſpoſing goods, as a worke of mercie, is neceſſarie.
2. Object. The case of a wives disposing goods is unlike to that of vows, because vows are voluntary, but disposing goods, as a work of mercy, is necessary.
Anſw. Though it were a voluntarie thing to make, or not to make a vow: yet a vow being made, it was not in the power of the partie that made it, not to performe it: it was a678 neceſſarie dutie to performe a vow, euen expreſly commanded. As p. 296 for the pretended worke of mercie, I will679 hereafter ſhew, that a wife is not neceſſarily tied thereunto.
Answ. Though it were a voluntary thing to make, or not to make a vow: yet a vow being made, it was not in the power of the party that made it, not to perform it: it was a678 necessary duty to perform a vow, even expressly commanded. As for the pretended work of mercy, I will679 hereafter show, that a wife is not necessarily tied thereunto.
§. 26. Of humane lawes which reſtraine wiues from diſpoſing goods, without or againſt their husbands conſent.
§. 26. Of human laws which restrain wives from disposing goods, without or against their husbands consent.
A fourth is taken from the lawes of men whereunto we are ſubiect, and which we muſt obey euen for conſcience ſake, ſo farre as they thwart not Gods Law, which in this caſe they doe not, as the reaſons before gathered out of Gods word doe ſhew.
A fourth is taken from the laws of men whereunto we are subject, and which we must obey even for conscience sake, so far as they thwart not God’s Law, which in this case they do not, as the reasons before gathered out of God’s word do show.
Now our Law ſaith, that680 euerie gift, grant, or diſpoſition of goods, lands, or other thing whatſoeuer made by a woman681 couert, and all and euerie obligation and feoffment made by her, and recouerie ſuffered, if they be done without her huſbands conſent, are void. Yea,682 if ſhe doe wrong to another, ſhe hath not any thing to make ſatisfaction during couerture: either her husband muſt doe it, or by impriſonment of her perſon muſt it be done. And683 though ſhe haue inheritance of her owne, yet can ſhe not grant any annuitie out of it during her couerture, without her husband: if any deed be made to that purpoſe without his conſent, or in her name alone, it is void in law. Yea,684 if there be debate betweene the husband and his wife, whereby certaine lands of the husbands be aſſigned to the wife with his conſent, if out of ſuch lands ſhe grant an annuitie to a ſtranger, the grant is void. And685 if he couenant to giue her yeerely ſuch and ſuch apparell, ſhe cannot diſpoſe it as ſhe liſt without his conſent, but only vſe and weare it her ſelfe.686 Neither can ſhe leaſe her owne land for yeeres, for life, &c. if ſhe doe, it is void, and the Leſſee entring by force thereof, is a Diſſeiſor to the husband, and Treſpaſſor. And687 if ſhe ſell any thing, the ſale is void, except ſhe be a merchant, where by the cuſtome ſhe is enabled to merchandize. Finally,688 ſhe cannot make executors without the conſent of her huſband, nor a deuiſe, or will.689 If ſhe make a will, and thereby deuiſe her owne inheritance, and her husband die, and ſhe after die without any new publication of it, it is of no force, becauſe it was void at firſt. Theſe and many other like caſes which might be alleaged euidently ſhew that by law a wife hath not p. 297 power of her ſelfe, without her husband, to diſpoſe the common goods of the familie.
- 680. 45. E. 3. Fitz. Couen. 18.
- 681. 1. H. 5. 12. b. Perk. cap. de Grant. Nat. Breu. fol. 120. G.
- 682. Nat. Breu. fol. 188. H.
- 683. Perk. fol. 2. a.
- 684. Perk. fol. 2. b.
- 685. 27. H. 8. 27. p. 12.
- 686. Perk. fol. 3. a.
- 687. 21. H. 7. 18. p. 29. Nat. Breu. fol. 120 G.
- 688. Ognels caſe, Coke Rep. 4. 3 3. Deu. 12.
- 689. Plowd. Com 344. a. Bret and Rigdons caſe.
Now our Law saith, that680 every gift, grant, or disposition of goods, lands, or other thing whatsoever made by a woman681 covert, and all and every obligation and feoffment made by her, and recovery suffered, if they be done without her husbands consent, are void. Yea,682 if she do wrong to another, she hath not any thing to make satisfaction during coverture: either her husband must do it, or by imprisonment of her person must it be done. And683 though she have inheritance of her own, yet can she not grant any annuity out of it during her coverture, without her husband: if any deed be made to that purpose without his consent, or in her name alone, it is void in law. Yea,684 if there be debate between the husband and his wife, whereby certain lands of the husbands be assigned to the wife with his consent, if out of such lands she grant an annuity to a stranger, the grant is void. And685 if he covenant to give her yearly such and such apparel, she cannot dispose it as she list without his consent, but only use and wear it her self.686 Neither can she lease her own land for years, for life, etc‸. If she do, it is void, and the Lessee entering by force thereof, is a Disseisor to the husband, and Trespasser. And687 if she sell any thing, the sale is void, except she be a merchant, where by the custom she is enabled to merchandize. Finally,688 she cannot make executors without the consent of her husband, nor a devise, or will.689 If she make a will, and thereby devise her own inheritance, and her husband die, and she after die without any new publication of it, it is of no force, because it was void at first. These and many other like cases which might be alleged evidently show that by law a wife hath not power of her self, without her husband, to dispose the common goods of the family.
- 680. 45. E. 3. Fitz. Coven. 18.
- 681. 1. H. 5. 12. b. Perk. cap. de Grant. Nat. Breu. fol. 120. G.
- 682. Nat. Breu. fol. 188. H.
- 683. Perk. fol. 2. a.
- 684. Perk. fol. 2. b.
- 685. 27. H. 8. 27. p. 12.
- 686. Perk. fol. 3. a.
- 687. 21. H. 7. 18. p. 29. Nat. Breu. fol. 120 G.
- 688. Ognels case, Coke Rep. 4. 3 ‸ 3. Deut 12.
- 689. Plowd. Com. 344. a. Bret and Rigdons case.
§. 27. Of the inconueniences which may follow vpon a wiues diſpoſing goods without or againſt her husbands conſent.
§. 27. Of the inconveniences which may follow upon a wives disposing goods without or against her husbands consent.
1. The eſtate of the family might be waſted before any redreſſe could be thought of: for if the wife may diſpoſe the goods without her husbands conſent, it muſt alſo be granted without his knowledge: for it is to be ſuppoſed that if he knew of the diſpoſing of that which he liketh not, he would hinder it: if without his knowledge, then may that which he thinketh to be remaining as a ſtocke for the family, be laid out by the wife, and nothing left: whereas if he knew of the ſpending of that ſtocke, it might be he would be more thrifty and ſparing in other expences.
1. The estate of the family might be wasted before any redress could be thought of: for if the wife may dispose the goods without her husbands consent, it must also be granted without his knowledge: for it is to be supposed that if he knew of the disposing of that which he liketh not, he would hinder it: if without his knowledge, then may that which he thinketh to be remaining as a stock for the family, be laid out by the wife, and nothing left: whereas if he knew of the spending of that stock, it might be he would be more thrifty and sparing in other expenses.
Obiect. This liberty is not granted to wiues beyond their husbands ability.
Object. This liberty is not granted to wives beyond their husbands ability.
Anſw. Wiues cannot alwaies know their husbands ability: for their husbands may be much indebted, and yet to maintaine his credit, whereby he hopeth to raiſe his eſtate, may allow liberall maintenance for his houſe, if thereupon his wife ſhall gather that he is very rich, and accordingly be very bountifull in her gifts, ſhe may ſoone goe beyond his ability, and ſo increaſe his debt, as he ſhall neuer be able to recouer himſelfe.
Answ. Wives cannot always know their husbands ability: for their husbands may be much indebted, and yet to maintain his credit, whereby he hopeth to raise his estate, may allow liberal maintenance for his house, if thereupon his wife shall gather that he is very rich, and accordingly be very bountiful in her gifts, she may soon go beyond his ability, and so increase his debt, as he shall never be able to recover himself.
2. Perſons of contrary religions and diſpoſitions being691 out of the family, might be maintained by the goods of the ſame family: for if the husband were of one religion, and the wife of another, he without her knowledge might maintaine thoſe of his religion, and ſhe without his knowledge might maintaine them of her religion.
- 691. 2. Profeſſors of contrarie religions may be ſuſtained by the goods of the ſame family.
2. Persons of contrary religions and dispositions being691 out of the family, might be maintained by the goods of the same family: for if the husband were of one religion, and the wife of another, he without her knowledge might maintain those of his religion, and she without his knowledge might maintain them of her religion.
- 691. 2. Professors of contrary religions may be sustained by the goods of the same family.
Obiect. This liberty of diſpoſing goods giuen to the wife is limited within the bounds of the houſhold of faith.
Object. This liberty of disposing goods given to the wife is limited within the bounds of the household of faith.
Anſw. If Diuines grant them this liberty, they will themſelues iudge and determine who be of the houſhold of faith: p. 298 Popiſh wiues will ſay (ſay we what we can to the contrary) that Ieſuites, Prieſts, and Friers, are of the houſhold of faith, principall members thereof.
Answ. If Divines grant them this liberty, they will themselves judge and determine who be of the household of faith: Popish wives will say (say we what we can to the contrary) that Jesuits, Priests, and Friars, are of the household of faith, principal members thereof.
3. Many iarres and contentions would thence ariſe betwixt692 husband and wife: for if a wife ſhall perſiſt to doe that which her husband will not conſent vnto, aſſuredly one of a thouſand will not well brooke it, but will rather ſeeke all the wayes he can to croſſe her; thinking himſelfe deſpiſed, if ſhe, whether he will or no, haue her minde.
- 692. 3. Iars would ariſe betwixt man and wife.
3. Many jars and contentions would thence arise betwixt692 husband and wife: for if a wife shall persist to do that which her husband will not consent unto, assuredly one of a thousand will not well brook it, but will rather seek all the ways he can to cross her; thinking himself despised, if she, whether he will or no, have her mind.
- 692. 3. Jars would arise betwixt man and wife.
Obiect. Wiues muſt vſe this libertie with all due reſpect vnto their husbands authoritie.
Object. Wives must use this liberty with all due respect unto their husbands authority.
Anſw. If the husband peremptorily ſtand vpon his authoritie, and by all the faire meanes that can be vſed, will not yeeld this libertie, I know not what better reſpect ſhe can ſhew to this authoritie, then to forbeare and abſtaine from doing that which otherwiſe ſhe would moſt gladly doe: But if when it commeth to the vttermoſt point, and ſhe ſhall ſay it is her right, and if ſhe cannot haue his conſent, ſhe will doe it without his conſent, ſhe therein ſheweth no great reſpect.
Answ. If the husband peremptorily stand upon his authority, and by all the fair means that can be used, will not yield this liberty, I know not what better respect she can show to this authority, then to forbear and abstain from doing that which otherwise she would most gladly do: But if when it cometh to the uttermost point, and she shall say it is her right, and if she cannot have his consent, she will do it without his consent, she therein showeth no great respect.
Many other inconueniences might be reckoned vp, but I will not longer inſiſt on them, only from theſe let it be well conſidered, whether it were not better for a familie, that the huſband ſhould be bard from diſpoſing the goods without conſent of his wife (ſo as there might be according to the prouerbe, but693 one hand in the purſe) then both husband and wife to haue libertie to diſpoſe them without each others conſent.
- 693. Though ſhe had a proprietie, yet hath ſhe not thereupon libertie to diſpoſe the goods.
Many other inconveniences might be reckoned up, but I will not longer insist on them, only from these let it be well considered, whether it were not better for a family, that the husband should be barred from disposing the goods without consent of his wife (so as there might be according to the proverb, but693 one hand in the purse) then both husband and wife to have liberty to dispose them without each others consent.
- 693. Though she had a propriety, yet hath she not thereupon liberty to dispose the goods.
§. 28. Of propertie in goods, whether it giue libertie to diſpoſe them as a wife will.
§. 28. Of property in goods, whether it give liberty to dispose them as a wife will.
To iuſtifie a wiues libertie in diſpoſing the common goods694 of the family without her husbands conſent, it is ſaid, that ſhe hath a true right and propertie in thoſe goods.
- 694. Licet vxor proprietatem habeat, adminiſtrationem tamen, & vſum. fructū bonorum viuente marito non habet. Greg. Sayr. clau. reg. lib. 9. cap. 16.
To justify a wives liberty in disposing the common goods694 of the family without her husbands consent, it is said, that she hath a true right and property in those goods.
- 694. Licet vxor proprietatem habeat, administrationem tamen, & vsumfructum bonorum viuente marito non habet. Greg. Sayr. clau. reg. lib. 9. cap. 16.
1. Anſw. Though it were granted that a wife hath a true property in the goods, yet this concluſion would not follow thereupon, that ſhe hath power of her ſelfe to diſpoſe the goods without her husbands conſent: for the authoritie which God hath giuen an husband, and ſubiection which he hath laid on a wife, reſtraine her power and libertie in that p. 299 which is her owne: as for example, ſuppoſe695 that a woman at the time of her mariage haue a leaſe for yeeres, or the wardſhip of the body and lands of an infant, or haue it by gift or696 purchaſe after mariage, ſhe cannot giue it away whatſoeuer the extremitie be: but her husband may any time during couerture, diſpoſe of it: and ſuch his diſpoſition ſhall cut off the wiues intereſt. Or ſuppoſe that the only childe of her father be an inheretrix of land, and haue in her ſelfe (her father being dead) the full poſſeſſion thereof: or that a widow haue the right vnto, and poſſeſſion of her husbands eſtate, and thus poſſeſſed be maried to an husband, hath ſhe being a wife liberty to diſpoſe that eſtate which ſhe brought with her without or againſt her husbands conſent? I thinke none will ſay it. Sure I am that what ſhe giueth, lendeth, ſelleth, or otherwiſe diſpoſeth without his conſent, he if he will, may for his lifetime recouer againe: and yet no man will denie but that ſhe hath the trueſt intereſt and propertie in the forenamed lands and inheritance.
1. Answ. Though it were granted that a wife hath a true property in the goods, yet this conclusion would not follow thereupon, that she hath power of her self to dispose the goods without her husbands consent: for the authority which God hath given an husband, and subjection which he hath laid on a wife, restrain her power and liberty in that which is her own: as for example, suppose695 that a woman at the time of her marriage have a lease for years, or the wardship of the body and lands of an infant, or have it by gift or696 purchase after marriage, she cannot give it away whatsoever the extremity be: but her husband may any time during coverture, dispose of it: and such his disposition shall cut off the wives interest. Or suppose that the only child of her father be an inheritrix of land, and have in her self (her father being dead) the full possession thereof: or that a widow have the right unto, and possession of her husbands estate, and thus possessed be married to an husband, hath she being a wife liberty to dispose that estate which she brought with her without or against her husbands consent? I think none will say it. Sure I am that what she giveth, lendeth, selleth, or otherwise disposeth without his consent, he if he will, may for his lifetime recover again: and yet no man will deny but that she hath the truest interest and property in the forenamed lands and inheritance.
Obiect. May ſhe not as well diſpoſe of her owne inheritance, as of thoſe goods, or reuenues which her husband giueth her?
Object. May she not as well dispose of her own inheritance, as of those goods, or revenues which her husband giveth her?
Anſw. No, for the gift of the husband is a generall conſent of his for her to diſpoſe that which is giuen her as ſhe ſeeth meet.
Answ. No, for the gift of the husband is a general consent of his for her to dispose that which is given her as she seeth meet.
§. 29. Of the reaſons againſt a wiues propertie in the common goods of the family.
§. 29. Of the reasons against a wives property in the common goods of the family.
2. Anſw. It may ſafely be denied that a wife hath a propertie in the common goods of the family whereof ſhe is no heire, for property in goods is a ciuill matter, and to be limited according to the law of man vnder which we liue. Where the law, or cuſtome of the place, make all the children coheires, all haue an equall right to their ſeuerall parts: where the eldeſt only is made heire, he hath a right to all: where the youngeſt only is made heire, he hath a right to all: but neither the law of nations, nor of the land where we liue giue the wife a property.697 By the common law mariage is a gift of all the goods and chattels perſonall of the wife to her husband, ſo that no kinde of propertie in the ſame remaineth in her.698 And all p. 300 perſonall goods and chattels during mariage giuen to the wife are preſently ipſo facto transferred (as to the property of them) to the husband. So that by our law ſhe is ſo farre from gaining any property by her mariage in her husbands goods, as ſhe loſeth all the property ſhe formerly had in her owne goods. Yea699 her neceſſary apparell is not hers in property. While ſhe remaineth a wife ſhe is (to vſe the law-phraſe) vnder couert baron.700 She can neither let, ſell, alien, giue, nor otherwiſe of right make any thing away, no nor yet make a will ſo to diſpoſe any goods while her husband liueth without his conſent: which yet an husband may while his wife liueth, and that without or againſt her conſent.
2. Answ. It may safely be denied that a wife hath a property in the common goods of the family whereof she is no heir, for property in goods is a civil matter, and to be limited according to the law of man under which we live. Where the law, or custom of the place, make all the children coheirs, all have an equal right to their several parts: where the eldest only is made heir, he hath a right to all: where the youngest only is made heir, he hath a right to all: but neither the law of nations, nor of the land where we live give the wife a property.697 By the common law marriage is a gift of all the goods and chattels personal of the wife to her husband, so that no kind of property in the same remaineth in her.698 And all personal goods and chattels during marriage given to the wife are presently ipso facto transferred (as to the property of them) to the husband. So that by our law she is so far from gaining any property by her marriage in her husbands goods, as she loseth all the property she formerly had in her own goods. Yea699 her necessary apparel is not hers in property. While she remaineth a wife she is (to use the law-phrase) under covert baron.700 She can neither let, sell, alien, give, nor otherwise of right make any thing away, no nor yet make a will so to dispose any goods while her husband liveth without his consent: which yet an husband may while his wife liveth, and that without or against her consent.
Obiect. The law ſtates a wife in a great part of the husbands goods, prouiding for her iointer or thirds which the husband cannot make away without her conſent.
Object. The law states a wife in a great part of the husbands goods, providing for her jointure or thirds which the husband cannot make away without her consent.
Anſw. This prouiſion is only for the time of her widowhood in caſe ſhe ouerliue him: but for the time that ſhe remaineth his wife he may make away all, and ſhe can recouer none, till he be dead.
Answ. This provision is only for the time of her widowhood in case she overlive him: but for the time that she remaineth his wife he may make away all, and she can recover none, till he be dead.
Obiect. This reſtraint of wiues is only in the court of men.
Object. This restraint of wives is only in the court of men.
Anſw. Seeing it is not againſt the law of God, it muſt alſo hold good in the court of Conſcience. Nay it is agreeable to the law of God and grounded thereupon.
Answ. Seeing it is not against the law of God, it must also hold good in the court of Conscience. Nay it is agreeable to the law of God and grounded thereupon.
For (to omit the proofes before alleaged) what might be the reaſon that the daughters of Zelophehad, who were heires to their father, were forbidden to mary out of their fathers tribe, and that a law was made that no daughters that poſſeſſed any inheritance ſhould mary out of their fathers tribe, but becauſe all that a woman had before mariage, paſſed vpon the husband and became his by vertue of mariage? This alſo for that purpoſe is by ſome not vnfitly, nor without probabilitie noted, that it is the common phraſe of Scripture to terme huſbands701 (but not wiues) rich, implying thereby that riches by a property appertaine to husbands: yea vſually in Scripture goods and lands are ſaid to be the husbands.
- 701. Si quis abduxerit vxorem cum bonis familiae dicitur abducere vxorem cum bonis viri. Fitzherb. Nat. breutum fol. 89.
For (to omit the proofs before alleged) what might be the reason that the daughters of Zelophehad, who were heirs to their father, were forbidden to marry out of their fathers tribe, and that a law was made that no daughters that possessed any inheritance should marry out of their fathers tribe, but because all that a woman had before marriage, passed upon the husband and became his by virtue of marriage? This also for that purpose is by some not unfitly, nor without probability noted, that it is the common phrase of Scripture to term husbands701 (but not wives) rich, implying thereby that riches by a property appertain to husbands: yea usually in Scripture goods and lands are said to be the husbands.
- 701. Si quis abduxerit vxorem cum bonis familiae dicitur abducere vxorem cum bonis viri. Fitzherb. Nat. breuium fol. 89.
Obiect. The wiues of Iaakob doe terme the goods which their husbands had theirs, ſaying, the riches which God hath taken from our Father is OVRS, Gen. 31. 16.
Object. The wives of Jacob do term the goods which their husbands had theirs, saying, the riches which God hath taken from our father is OURS, Gen‸ 31:‸16.
p. 301 Anſw. They vſe the word Ours in oppoſition to their fathers houſe, and in relation not to their perſons, but to their702 husbands family, and therefore they adde and our childrens: So as by that place no greater right can be proued for wiues, then for children. When the holy Ghoſt ſpeaketh of the ſame goods, he ſaith not in relation to husband and wiues both, their flockes, their ſubſtance, but only in relation to the huſband, his flockes, his ſubſtance. For as in mixture of wine and water, though the greater quantitie be water, yet we call the whole, wine: ſo in the common goods of the family, though the wife ſhould bring the greater part, we call all the husbands.
- 702. Ut vinum temperatum licet maiori ex parte aquae conſtat, vinum appellamus: ſic cenſus quamuis plus contribuerit vxor, nuncupandus viri eſt. Plut. in praec. connub.
Answ. They use the word Ours in opposition to their fathers house, and in relation not to their persons, but to their702 husbands family, and therefore they add and our children’s: So as by that place no greater right can be proved for wives, then for children. When the Holy Ghost speaketh of the same goods, he saith not in relation to husband and wives both, their flocks, their substance, but only in relation to the husband, his flocks, his substance. For as in mixture of wine and water, though the greater quantity be water, yet we call the whole, wine: so in the common goods of the family, though the wife should bring the greater part, we call all the husbands.
- 702. Ut vinum temperatum licet maiori ex parte aquae constat, vinum appellamus: sic census quamuis plus contribuerit vxor, nuncupandus viri est. Plut. in praec. connub.
§. 30. Of anſwers to the reaſons for a wiues property.
§. 30. Of answers to the reasons for a wives property.
To proue a wiues property in the common goods of the family the reaſons following are alledged.
To prove a wives property in the common goods of the family the reasons following are alleged.
1. Obiect. Mariage giuing a wife right of her husbands body,703 doth much more of his goods.
1. Object. Marriage giving a wife right of her husbands body,703 doth much more of his goods.
Anſw. I denie the conſequence. For the vſe of the body is a proper act of the matrimoniall bond, wherein the difference betwixt ſuperioritie and ſubiection appeareth not: the wife hath as great a power ouer the husbands body as the husband ouer the wiues: which is not ſo in the goods: no one thing can be named, wherein the power and authoritie of the husband more conſiſteth, then in the goods.
- 703. Cor. 7. 4.
Answ. I deny the consequence. For the use of the body is a proper act of the matrimonial bond, wherein the difference betwixt superiority and subjection appeareth not: the wife hath as great a power over the husbands body as the husband over the wives: which is not so in the goods: no one thing can be named, wherein the power and authority of the husband more consisteth, then in the goods.
- 703. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸4.
2. Obiect. In the forme of mariage the man ſaith to his wife, with all my worldly goods I thee indow.
2. Object. In the form of marriage the man saith to his wife, with all my worldly goods I thee endow.
Anſw. 1. Thoſe words are to be taken of the vſe of his goods, and not of a property in them.
Answ. 1. Those words are to be taken of the use of his goods, and not of a property in them.
2. If an husband ſhall intend a property by them, that property which ſhe hath thereby, ſhe hath not by vertue of the generall law of mariage, but of his particualar free donation.
2. If an husband shall intend a property by them, that property which she hath thereby, she hath not by virtue of the general law of marriage, but of his particular free donation.
3. In all countries thoſe words are not vſed in the forme of mariage. If thoſe words giue the wife her property, then ſuch wiues as are maried without thoſe words vſed, haue no property: ſo as this cannot be a generall ground of liberty for all wiues.
3. In all countries those words are not used in the form of marriage. If those words give the wife her property, then such wives as are married without those words used, have no property: so as this cannot be a general ground of liberty for all wives.
3. Obiect. A wife hath as good an eſtate in her husbands p. 302 goods as the Church in Chriſts bloud: but there the Church hath a property.
3. Object. A wife hath as good an estate in her husbands goods as the Church in Christ’s blood: but there the Church hath a property.
Anſw. Neither of thoſe points can be proued. But if a wiues right in her husbands goods be as the Churches in Chriſts bloud, what is gotten thereby? The Church hath not power without or againſt Chriſts conſent to diſpoſe his bloud: The Church of Rome is counted a proud vſurping ſtrumpet for taking vpon her ſo to doe.
Answ. Neither of those points can be proved. But if a wives right in her husbands goods be as the Churches in Christ’s blood, what is gotten thereby? The Church hath not power without or against Christ’s consent to dispose his blood: The Church of Rome is counted a proud usurping strumpet for taking upon her so to do.
§. 31. Of the priuiledges of wiues aboue Children and ſeruants in and about the goods of the familie.
§. 31. Of the privileges of wives above Children and servants in and about the goods of the family.
Queſt. Where then is the preferment of the wife aboue ſeruants and children, if ſhe haue not a property?
Quest. Where then is the preferment of the wife above servants and children, if she have not a property?
I anſwer, Much euery manner of way.
I answer, Much every manner of way.
Againe I anſwer, that this argument might as well be alledged againſt that feare, ſubiection, and obedience which the Scripture expreſly requireth of wiues, and it might be demanded, if wiues muſt feare and obey their husbands and be ſubiect vnto them, where is their preferment aboue their children and ſeruants. But708 it hath beene ſhewed that though the ſame things for matter be required of wiues which are required of children and ſeruants, yet there is a great difference in the manner of performing them.
- 708. §. 11.
Again I answer, that this argument might as well be alleged against that fear, subjection, and obedience which the Scripture expressly requireth of wives, and it might be demanded, if wives must fear and obey their husbands and be subject unto them, where is their preferment above their children and servants. But708 it hath been showed that though the same things for matter be required of wives which are required of children and servants, yet there is a great difference in the manner of performing them.
- 708. §. 11.
§. 32. Of examples and other reaſons alleadged for libertie of wiues to diſpoſe goods.
§. 32. Of examples and other reasons alleged for liberty of wives to dispose goods.
Anſw. 1. Abigails example was extraordinary; beſides, who can tell whether the heart of her husband ſo truſted not in her p. 303 as he referred the whole gouernment of the houſe to her, and ſo ſhe had a generall conſent for what ſhe did.
Answ. 1. Abigail’s example was extraordinary; besides, who can tell whether the heart of her husband so trusted not in her as he referred the whole government of the house to her, and so she had a general consent for what she did.
2. It is cleere that the other good-wife had her husbands conſent for what ſhe did: for beſides that it is ſaid the heart of her husband truſted in her, it is alſo ſaid, that he praiſed her. Therefore he was neither ignorant of that which ſhee did, nor vnwilling ſhe ſhould doe it: it was neither without nor againſt his conſent.
2. It is clear that the other good-wife had her husbands consent for what she did: for besides that it is said the heart of her husband trusted in her, it is also said, that he praised her. Therefore he was neither ignorant of that which she did, nor unwilling she should do it: it was neither without nor against his consent.
Anſw. Though queſtion may be made of the former part, at leaſt for the greater ſort and number of wiues, yet for anſwer to this reaſon I need not queſtion it; for the conſequence doth not follow, though that be granted. The right of diſpoſing goods doth not ſimply riſe from the care and paines of getting and preſeruing them: but from that order that the Lord hath beene pleaſed to ſet downe. A wiſe and induſtrious childe may be a meanes to raiſe and increaſe his fathers eſtate, when his father taketh little care and paines about it: yea a faithfull and wiſe ſteward or other ſeruant (as Iaakob and Ioſeph were) may doe much more by his paines and care in getting and preſeruing the goods of the familie, then his maſter: yet will it not thereupon follow, that ſuch a childe, or ſuch a ſeruant hath as great a right and power to diſpoſe ſuch goods as his father or his maſter.
Answ. Though question may be made of the former part, at least for the greater sort and number of wives, yet for answer to this reason I need not question it; for the consequence doth not follow, though that be granted. The right of disposing goods doth not simply rise from the care and pains of getting and preserving them: but from that order that the Lord hath been pleased to set down. A wise and industrious child may be a means to raise and increase his fathers estate, when his father taketh little care and pains about it: yea a faithful and wise steward or other servant (as Jacob and Joseph were) may do much more by his pains and care in getting and preserving the goods of the family, then his master: yet will it not thereupon follow, that such a child, or such a servant hath as great a right and power to dispose such goods as his father or his master.
Anſw. They are yoak-fellowes in mutuall familiaritie, not in equall authoritie; and in relation to others as children and ſeruants, not in oppoſition each to other. In this reſpect ſhe is ſubiect, not equall. If therefore he will one thing, and ſhe another, ſhe may not thinke to haue an equall right and power, ſhe muſt giue place and yeeld.
Answ. They are yoke-fellows in mutual familiarity, not in equal authority; and in relation to others as children and servants, not in opposition each to other. In this respect she is subject, not equal. If therefore he will one thing, and she another, she may not think to have an equal right and power, she must give place and yield.
A Wife’s Not Going Against Her Husband’s Will (II)
A Wife’s Not Going Against Her Husband’s Will (II)
§. 33. Of the712 ſubiection of wiues in diſtributing goods to charitable vſes.
§. 33. Of the subjection of wives in distributing goods to charitable uses.*
Some that grant that a wife is ſo ſubiected to her husband in a ciuill manner, as ſhe may not diſpoſe any part of his goods at her pleaſure to any ciuill vſe, denie this ſubiection to extend to giuing of almes, and ſuch like charitable vſes.
- 712. Treat. 4. §. 54. [moved in the edition]
Some that grant that a wife is so subjected to her husband in a civil manner, as she may not dispose any part of his goods at her pleasure to any civil use, deny this subjection to extend to giving of alms, and such like charitable uses.
- 712. Treat. 4. §. 54. [moved here by the editor]
Before I come to determine this queſtion, let it be remembred, that it was before granted, that713 ordinarie dutie muſt giue place to extraordinarie need, ſo that releefe in preſent neceſſitie is not controuerted. Let it be alſo remembred that714 a wife may haue goods proper to her ſelfe, yea715 it ſhall be ſhewed that an husband ought according to his abilitie to commit ſomething to her diſcretion and diſpoſition: of theſe and ſuch like goods ſhe is as much bound as her husband to expend ſomething to charitable vſes: and (as God offereth occaſion)716 to reach forth her hand to the poore and needy.
Before I come to determine this question, let it be remembered, that it was before granted, that713 ordinary duty must give place to extraordinary need, so that relief in present necessity is not controverted. Let it be also remembered that714 a wife may have goods proper to her self, yea715 it shall be showed that an husband ought according to his ability to commit something to her discretion and disposition: of these and such like goods she is as much bound as her husband to expend something to charitable uses: and (as God offereth occasion) to reach forth her hand to the poor and needy.716
Yea further let this be premiſed, that in caſe a wife be forbidden or reſtrained by her husband, ſhe ought to vſe all the good meanes ſhe can by her ſelfe and her friends to moue her husband to grant her ſome libertie, that ſhe may haue ſome triall of her mercifull and charitable diſpoſition: if herein ſhe cannot preuaile, then ſhe ought to make knowne vnto her husband ſuch perſons caſes as ſhe thinkes meet to be releeued, and vſe all the motiues ſhe can to perſwade him to afford them ſome releefe.
Yea further let this be premised, that in case a wife be forbidden or restrained by her husband, she ought to use all the good means she can by her self and her friends to move her husband to grant her some liberty, that she may have some trial of her merciful and charitable disposition: if herein she cannot prevail, then she ought to make known unto her husband such persons cases as she thinks meet to be relieved, and use all the motives she can to persuade him to afford them some relief.
But put the caſe a wiſe, religious, mercifull wife, be maried717 to a couetous worldling, who though he haue wit, and vnderſtanding enough to manage ciuill affaires, and to prouide for the outward temporall eſtate of the houſe, yet hath no heart to releeue the poore, and is not only vnwilling himſelfe to doe good in that kinde, but will not ſuffer his wife to doe it, whether may a wife priuilie take of ſuch goods as he hath reſerued to his owne diſpoſing, and ſimply without any kinde of conſent diſtribute them to charitable vſes, or though he expreſly forbid her, yet directly againſt his conſent diſpoſe them?
- 717. State of queſtion.
But put the case a wise, religious, merciful wife, be married717 to a covetous worldling, who though he have wit, and understanding enough to manage civil affairs, and to provide for the outward temporal estate of the house, yet hath no heart to relieve the poor, and is not only unwilling himself to do good in that kind, but will not suffer his wife to do it, whether may a wife privily take of such goods as he hath reserved to his own disposing, and simply without any kind of consent distribute them to charitable uses, or though he expressly forbid her, yet directly against his consent dispose them?
- 717. State of question.
p. 305 With reuerend reſpect to better iudgements, I thinke ſhe may718 not (except before excepted.) For it being before proued in generall, that ſhe had no ſuch liberty in diſpoſing goods, I cannot ſee how this particular end of giuing almes can diſpence with her generall ſubiection in euery thing, except there were ſome particular warrant for it in Gods word.
- 718. Non excuſabit bona intentio vxoris, etiamſi ea acciperet ad eleemoſynam faciendam. Greg. Sayr. clav. reg. lib. 9. cap. 16.
With reverend respect to better judgments, I think she may718 not (except before excepted.) For it being before proved in general, that she had no such liberty in disposing goods, I cannot see how this particular end of giving alms can dispense with her general subjection in every thing, except there were some particular warrant for it in God’s word.
- 718. Non excusabit bona intentio vxoris, etiamsi ea acciperet ad eleemosynam faciendam. Greg. Sayr. clav. reg. lib. 9. cap. 16.
§. 34. Of generall exhortations to works of mercy. How far they binde wiues.
§. 34. Of general exhortations to works of mercy. How far they bind wives.
Obiect. The many generall exhortations vnto workes of mercy, which without limitation to any particular perſons, are indefinitely directed to all, doe giue ſufficient warrant to wiues: ſuch as theſe,719 Giue almes.720 Let vs doe good.721 To diſtribute forget not, &c.
Anſw. All theſe are ſtrong motiues to prouoke wiues to be mercifull and charitable in ſuch things as they may, by any means with their husbands conſent, or in ſuch things as by their huſbands are giuen to them. Yea alſo they are ſtrong motiues to prouoke husbands to allow them liberty to giue almes. But in the caſe propounded they giue no liberty to wiues: for it is a ruled caſe laid downe by Chriſt himſelfe, that workes of charity muſt be done, and almes muſt be giuen of ſuch things722 as we haue, or which are in our power to giue. Now if the husband will not giue her that power, ſhe hath not power to giue, and ſo is excuſed.723 In this caſe her true will, and her faithfull and earneſt deſire ſhall be accepted for the deed, according to that which the Apoſtle ſaith, if there be firſt a willing minde, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not. Many caſes may be giuen wherein inferiours are reſtrained from workes of mercy; as ſuppoſe a ſonne or ſeruant be deſirous to viſit one ſicke or in priſon, but his Parent or Maſter (though leaue be asked) will not ſuffer him, but charge him not to ſtirre out of doores, or to goe with him another way, ſhall this ſonne or ſeruant notwithſtanding that charge, doe that worke of mercy?
Answ. All these are strong motives to provoke wives to be merciful and charitable in such things as they may, by any means with their husbands consent, or in such things as by their husbands are given to them. Yea also they are strong motives to provoke husbands to allow them liberty to give alms. But in the case propounded they give no liberty to wives: for it is a ruled case laid down by Christ himself, that works of charity must be done, and alms must be given of such things722 as we have, or which are in our power to give.723 Now if the husband will not give her that power, she hath not power to give, and so is excused. In this case her true will, and her faithful and earnest desire shall be accepted for the deed, according to that which the Apostle saith, if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not. Many cases may be given wherein inferiors are restrained from works of mercy; as suppose a son or servant be desirous to visit one sick or in prison, but his parent or master (though leave be asked) will not suffer him, but charge him not to stir out of doors, or to go with him another way, shall this son or servant notwithstanding that charge, do that work of mercy?
§. 35. Of obedience to an husband in ſuch things as he ſinfully forbiddeth.
§. 35. Of obedience to an husband in such things as he sinfully forbiddeth.
Obiect. 2. This reſtraint is not in the Lord, but rather againſt him and his word, therefore a wife is not bound thereunto.
Object. 2. This restraint is not in the Lord, but rather against him and his word, therefore a wife is not bound thereunto.
Anſw. Though the husband ſinne in reſtraining his wife, yet p. 306 ſhee in that reſtraint may obey, and that in the Lord: becauſe the Lord who hath commanded her to be ſubiect in euery thing, hath no where warranted her not to be ſubiect in this particular. It is expreſly ſaid in the law concerning a wiues vowes, that if her huſband breake them after he hath heard them, he ſhall beare her iniquity.724 Did not he then ſinne in reſtraining her, and was not ſhe guiltleſſe though ſhe yeelded to his reſtraint? The condition betwixt husbands and wiues in this caſe, is not vnlike the caſe betwixt other ſuperiours in authority, and their inferiours in ſubiection. But other inferiours may lawfully abſtaine from ſuch things as their gouernours doe ſinfully charge them to abſtaine from. For ſuppoſe a ſonne growen to be a man, liue in his fathers houſe at his fathers finding, and haue no ſet portion of his owne, and his father will not giue him leaue to beſtow any thing on charitable vſes, is he now bound to giue almes? ſhall the curſe be executed on him if he giue not? A croſſe indeed I acknowledge it to be, both to ſuch a ſonne, and alſo to a wife to be ſo reſtrained: but not a curſe or ſinne; the ſinne and curſe lieth on their head, who reſtraine them by vertue of their authority, wherein they abuſe their authority: as other gouernours may do and oft do, and yet neither liberty granted thereby to ſubiects, nor authority taken from gouernours. In this reſemblance betwixt a ſonne and a wife I deſire not to be miſtaken; for I alleadge it not to make the ſtate of a wife and a ſonne all one: but to ſhew that thoſe generall precepts of giuing almes, may haue their exceptions, as they which in particular handle that point, giue other examples. There muſt therefore be a further ground then the generall commandement of almes-giuing to proue the forenamed liberty of wiues.
- 724. Numb. 30. 16.
Answ. Though the husband sin in restraining his wife, yet she in that restraint may obey, and that in the Lord: because the Lord who hath commanded her to be subject in every thing, hath no where warranted her not to be subject in this particular. It is expressly said in the law concerning a wives vows, that if her husband break them after he hath heard them, he shall bear her iniquity.724 Did not he then sin in restraining her, and was not she guiltless though she yielded to his restraint? The condition betwixt husbands and wives in this case, is not unlike the case betwixt other superiors in authority, and their inferiors in subjection. But other inferiors may lawfully abstain from such things as their governors do sinfully charge them to abstain from. For suppose a son grown to be a man, live in his fathers house at his fathers finding, and have no set portion of his own, and his father will not give him leave to bestow any thing on charitable uses, is he now bound to give alms? Shall the curse be executed on him if he give not? A cross indeed I acknowledge it to be, both to such a son, and also to a wife to be so restrained: but not a curse or sin; the sin and curse lieth on their head, who restrain them by virtue of their authority, wherein they abuse their authority: as other governors may do and oft do, and yet neither liberty granted thereby to subjects, nor authority taken from governors. In this resemblance betwixt a son and a wife I desire not to be mistaken; for I allege it not to make the state of a wife and a son all one: but to show that those general precepts of giving alms, may have their exceptions, as they which in particular handle that point, give other examples. There must therefore be a further ground then the general commandment of alms-giving to prove the forenamed liberty of wives.
- 724. Num 30:‸16.
§. 36. Of Zipporahs caſe in circumciſing her ſonne.
§. 36. Of Zipporah’s case in circumcising her son.
Anſw. She may be an helpe in many other things, though this be out of her power: yea and in this alſo by counſell, perſwaſion, and other like meanes ſhe may be a great helpe. The caſe of Zipporah was extraordinary, and of an vrgent preſent neceſſity, euen to ſaue the life of her husband. Beſides, Moſes was of himſelfe p. 307 vnable to doe it, but willing that ſhe ſhould doe it. Now what is this to ordinarie caſes, and ſuch caſes as husbands are able enough themſelues to doe, but altogether vnwilling that it ſhould be done by their wiues?726
- 726. Factum Zephorae ſingulare eſt, & extraordinarium, neꝗ conſtat illud ſimpliciter à Deo approbatum fuiſſe. Simler. in Exod. 4. Luke 8. 3.
Answ. She may be an help in many other things, though this be out of her power: yea and in this also by counsel, persuasion, and other like means she may be a great help. The case of Zipporah was extraordinary, and of an urgent present necessity, even to save the life of her husband. Besides, Moses was of himself unable to do it, but willing that she should do it. Now what is this to ordinary cases, and such cases as husbands are able enough themselves to do, but altogether unwilling that it should be done by their wives?726
- 726. Factum Zephorae singulare est, & extraordinarium, neque constat illud simpliciter à Deo approbatum fuisse. Simler. in Exod. 4. Luke 8:‸3.
But what if Zipporahs example herein be not warrantable? for it doth not appeare that it was ſimply approued of God: God doth oft remoue temporary iudgements for the very workes ſake that is done, though in the manner it be ſinfully done. Inſtance the repentance of Ahab, 1. King. 21. 29.
But what if Zipporah’s example herein be not warrantable? For it doth not appear that it was simply approved of God: God doth oft remove temporary judgments for the very works sake that is done, though in the manner it be sinfully done. Instance the repentance of Ahab, 1‸ Kgs 21:‸29.
§. 37. Of the wife of Chuzas caſe in miniſtering to Chriſt.
§. 37. Of the wife of Chuza’s case in ministering to Christ.
4. Obiect. Ioanna the wife of Chuza, Herods ſteward, miniſtred vnto Chriſt of her ſubſtance without her husbands conſent.
4. Object. Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod’s steward, ministered unto Christ of her substance without her husbands consent.
Anſw. If this could be proued it were ſomewhat to the purpoſe; but this clauſe without her husbands conſent (wherein the maine ſtate of the queſtion conſiſteth) is not in the text, nor by any good probabilitie can be gathered out of it. All the ſhew of probabilitie that can be ſhewed for it is, that Ioanna is there ſaid to be the wife of Chuza, Herods ſteward. But to ſhew that that is nothing, let it be noted,
Answ. If this could be proved it were somewhat to the purpose; but this clause without her husbands consent (wherein the main state of the question consisteth) is not in the text, nor by any good probability can be gathered out of it. All the show of probability that can be showed for it is, that Joanna is there said to be the wife of Chuza, Herod’s steward. But to show that that is nothing, let it be noted,
1. That phraſe doth not imply that Chuza was then liuing. It is ſaid that Dauid begat Salomon of the wife of Vriah, but727 Vriah was not then liuing: therefore the tranſlators for perſpicuitie ſake doe inſert theſe words (her that had beene) the wife of Vriah. So likewiſe Onan is commanded to goe in to his728 brothers wife, yet doth not this imply that his brother was then liuing.
1. That phrase doth not imply that Chuza was then living. It is said that David begat Solomon of the wife of Uriah,727 but Uriah was not then living: therefore the translators for perspicuity sake do insert these words (her that had been) the wife of Uriah. So likewise Onan is commanded to go in to his728 brothers wife, yet doth not this imply that his brother was then living.
Obiect. Why ſhould mention be made of Chuza, Herods ſteward, if he were not then liuing?
Object. Why should mention be made of Chuza, Herod’s steward, if he were not then living?
I doe not here directly affirme that Chuza was then dead, but for ought that this phraſe doth imply, he might be dead.
I do not here directly affirm that Chuza was then dead, but for ought that this phrase doth imply, he might be dead.
I doe not certainly determine any of theſe expreſly to be ſo, I doe but note them as probabilities, yet ſuch as doe ſufficiently ouerthrow the ſurmiſed libertie of a wife in giuing almes without any conſent of her husband: for this of all other probabilities ſeemeth to be moſt improbable. Into my heart it can neuer enter to imagine that Chriſt would giue ſuch an occaſion of ſlander vnto his enemies, as to ſay he caried about with him other mens wiues, without or againſt the conſent of their husbands, and ſuffered them to ſpend the goods of their huſbands vpon him. I had much rather thinke that either ſuch women as followed him had no husbands liuing, or if they had, that they did that which they did with the conſent of their husbands.
I do not certainly determine any of these expressly to be so, I do but note them as probabilities, yet such as do sufficiently overthrow the surmised liberty of a wife in giving alms without any consent of her husband: for this of all other probabilities seemeth to be most improbable. Into my heart it can never enter to imagine that Christ would give such an occasion of slander unto his enemies, as to say he carried about with him other men’s wives, without or against the consent of their husbands, and suffered them to spend the goods of their husbands upon him. I had much rather think that either such women as followed him had no husbands living, or if they had, that they did that which they did with the consent of their husbands.
§. 38. Of the732 reſtraint of wiues about allowance for themſelues or families without their husbands conſent.
§. 38. Of the restraint of wives about allowance for themselves or families without their husbands consent.*
That which hath hitherto beene deliuered concerning a wiues ſubiection in diſpoſing goods, may alſo be applied to other things concerning her ſelfe, children, ſeruants, &c. whereof I will giue ſome examples.
- 732. Treat. 4. §. 18. 52. [moved in the edition]
That which hath hitherto been delivered concerning a wives subjection in disposing goods, may also be applied to other things concerning her self, children, servants, etc‸. Whereof I will give some examples.
- 732. Treat. 4. §. 18. 52. [moved here by the editor]
A wife hath not power to appoint what ſhe liſt her ſelfe without or againſt her husbands conſent, either for her owne allowance, or for her family; ſhe muſt rather reſt ſatisfied with that which he appointeth: for he being the head, muſt haue the ouer-ruling ſtroake therein. Beſides he better knoweth what may be afforded.
A wife hath not power to appoint what she list her self without or against her husbands consent, either for her own allowance, or for her family; she must rather rest satisfied with that which he appointeth: for he being the head, must have the over-ruling stroke therein. Besides he better knoweth what may be afforded.
Queſt. What if an husband make himſelfe poorer then he is: and the allowance which he appointeth be meaner then his meanes, and vnbeſeeming his place and ſtate?
Quest. What if an husband make himself poorer then he is: and the allowance which he appointeth be meaner then his means, and unbeseeming his place and state?
Anſw. She ought, if poſſiby ſhe can by her owne inſtant perſwaſion, or any other faire meanes, moue him to that which tendeth to his honour and reputation: but if ſhe can p. 309 no way preuaile, her ſubiection requireth contentment and patience.
Answ. She ought, if possibly she can by her own instant persuasion, or any other fair means, move him to that which tendeth to his honour and reputation: but if she can no way prevail, her subjection requireth contentment and patience.
§. 39. Of a wiues733 ſubiection to her husband about children.
§. 39. Of a wives subjection to her husband about children.733
A wife may not ſimply without, or directly againſt her huſbands conſent, order and diſpoſe of the children in giuing them names, apparelling their bodies, appointing their callings, places of bringing vp, mariages, or portions.
- 733. Treat 4. §. 18. [moved in the edition]
A wife may not simply without, or directly against her husbands consent, order and dispose of the children in giving them names, apparelling their bodies, appointing their callings, places of bringing up, marriages, or portions.
- 733. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved here by the editor]
1. For giuing names to children, beſides that it is throughout734 the Scripture for the moſt part enioyned to the husband, as to735 Abraham, to736 Zacharias, and to others, and that accordingly husbands haue ordinarily done, as737 Adam,738 Lamech,739 Abraham, and others. It is to be noted that when there was a difference betwixt the man and his wife in giuing a childes name, he giuing one name, ſhe another, the name which he gaue, ſtood; though740 Rachel named her youngeſt ſonne Benoni, yet Beniamin (which name Iaakob gaue) was the childes name. So alſo when741 Elizabeth told her friends that her childes name muſt be Iohn, they would not reſt therein, till Zacharias had ratified that name. Yea though Ioſeph were but the ſuppoſed father of Ieſus, yet becauſe he was the huſband of Mary the mother of Ieſus,742 he had this honour giuen him, to giue the name vnto her childe.
1. For giving names to children, besides that it is throughout734 the Scripture for the most part enjoined to the husband, as to Abraham,735 to Zacharias,736 and to others, and that accordingly husbands have ordinarily done, as Adam,737 Lamech,738 Abraham,739 and others. It is to be noted that when there was a difference betwixt the man and his wife in giving a childs name, he giving one name, she another, the name which he gave, stood; though Rachel740 named her youngest son Benoni, yet Benjamin (which name Jacob gave) was the childs name. So also when Elizabeth741 told her friends that her childs name must be John, they would not rest therein, till Zacharias had ratified that name. Yea though Joseph were but the supposed father of Jesus, yet because he was the husband of Mary the mother of Jesus,742 he had this honour given him, to give the name unto her child.
- 734. 1. Names.
- 735. Gen‸ 17:‸19. [moved here by the editor]
- 736. Luke 1:‸13. [moved here by the editor]
- 737. Gen‸ 5:‸3. [moved here by the editor]
- 738. Gen 5:29. [moved here by the editor]
- 739. Gen 21:‸3. [moved here by the editor]
- 740. Gen‸ 35:‸18. [moved here by the editor]
- 741. Luke 1:‸62. [moved here by the editor]
- 742. Matt 1:‸21.
2. For appointing place and mariage it is noted that745 Rebekah746 asked the conſent of her husband: though ſhe told her ſonne Iaakob that he ſhould goe to Haran to his vncle Laban to be there kept in ſafety from the fury of Eſau, yet ſhe would not ſend him till747 Iſaak had giuen his conſent for his abode there, and taking a wife from thence.
2. For appointing place and marriage it is noted that Rebekah745746 asked the consent of her husband: though she told her son Jacob that he should go to Haran to his uncle Laban to be there kept in safety from the fury of Esau, yet she would not send him till Isaac747 had given his consent for his abode there, and taking a wife from thence.
3. For deputing vnto a calling, it is noted of748 Annah, that749 though before her childe was borne ſhe had by ſolemne vow dedicated him to the Lord, yet when the childe was borne750 ſhe asked her husbands conſent about it.751
4. That which is noted of752 Annahs carrying a little coat to p. 310 her ſonne yeare by yeare when ſhe went vp with her husband, ſheweth that ſhe did it not without her husbands conſent. Women are for the moſt part prone to pranke vp their children aboue their husbands place and calling, and therefore good reaſon that therein they ſhould be gouerned by their husbands.
- 752. 1 Sam. 2. 19. [moved in the edition]
4. That which is noted of Hannah’s carrying a little coat to her son year by year when she went up with her husband,752 showeth that she did it not without her husbands consent. Women are for the most part prone to prank up their children above their husbands place and calling, and therefore good reason that therein they should be governed by their husbands.
- 752. 1 Sam‸ 2:‸19. [moved here by the editor]
Obiect.
Object.
What if husbands be more forward to haue their children attired vainly and vnſeemely, then wiues?
What if husbands be more forward to have their children attired vainly and unseemly, then wives?
Anſw. A wife muſt doe what ſhe can to hinder it: if ſhe can no way preuaile with him, ſhe by reaſon of her ſubiection is much more excuſed, then he could be, if he would ſuffer his wife therein to haue her will.
Answ. A wife must do what she can to hinder it: if she can no way prevail with him, she by reason of her subjection is much more excused, then he could be, if he would suffer his wife therein to have her will.
§. 40. Of a wiues754 ſubiection to her husband about ordering ſeruants and beaſts.
§. 40. Of a wives subjection to her husband about ordering servants and beasts.*
If wiues muſt haue their husbands conſent in ordering and diſpoſing of their children which come out of her wombe, much more of their ſeruants.
- 754. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved in the edition]
If wives must have their husbands consent in ordering and disposing of their children which come out of her womb, much more of their servants.
- 754. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved here by the editor]
They may not take in, or thruſt out ſeruants againſt their husbands minde. In this point, as in many other, Sarah manifeſted her wiue-like obedience; in that755 ſhe would not deale roughly with her maid though ſhe were prouoked: much leſſe756 put her out of doores till ſhe had made the matter knowne to her husband. Though ſhe failed in the manner, yet in the thing it ſelfe ſhe is a good example. It is further noted and approued in the757 Shunemite that ſhe asked her husbands conſent about ſending a ſeruant with her.
They may not take in, or thrust out servants against their husbands mind. In this point, as in many other, Sarah manifested her wive-like obedience; in that755 she would not deal roughly with her maid though she were provoked: much less756 put her out of doors till she had made the matter known to her husband. Though she failed in the manner, yet in the thing it self she is a good example. It is further noted and approved in the757 Shunammite that she asked her husbands consent about sending a servant with her.
My meaning is not that ſuch wiues as haue ſeruants allowed them to attend vpon them ſhould aske their husbands conſent whenſoeuer they haue occaſion to vſe them; for their husbands by allowing them men for their attendance manifeſt their will and conſent that they may vſe them as they ſee occaſion: but that they ſhould not vſe and imploy their ſeruants in ſuch things as they know their husbands would diſlike, except they can gaine their husbands conſent.
My meaning is not that such wives as have servants allowed them to attend upon them should ask their husbands consent whensoever they have occasion to use them; for their husbands by allowing them men for their attendance manifest their will and consent that they may use them as they see occasion: but that they should not use and employ their servants in such things as they know their husbands would dislike, except they can gain their husbands consent.
p. 311 Againſt thoſe particulars of children and ſeruants it may be obiected, that wiues are parents of their children as well as husbands, and miſtreſſes of ſeruants as well as they maſters, and therefore haue altogether as great power ouer them as their husbands.
Against those particulars of children and servants it may be objected, that wives are parents of their children as well as husbands, and mistresses of servants as well as they masters, and therefore have altogether as great power over them as their husbands.
Anſw. Indeed if the authority of the husband come not betweene, that may be granted in relation betwixt her and them: but her power being ſubordinate to her husbands in relation to him ſhe hath not ſo great a power: the power of a wife that now we ſpeake of is directly in relation to her husband.
Answ. Indeed if the authority of the husband come not between, that may be granted in relation betwixt her and them: but her power being subordinate to her husbands in relation to him she hath not so great a power: the power of a wife that now we speak of is directly in relation to her husband.
§. 41. Of a wiues759 ſubiection in entertaining ſtrangers iournying abroad, and making vowes.
§. 41. Of a wives subjection in entertaining strangers journeying abroad, and making vows.*
If wiues may not at their pleaſure vſe the things appertaining to the houſe, much leſſe may they bring ſtrangers into the houſe and entertaine them without or againſt their huſbands conſent. The good Shunemite ſo often named as a preſident760 for good wiues, firſt asked her husbands conſent, before ſhe lodged a Prophet of the Lord.
If wives may not at their pleasure use the things appertaining to the house, much less may they bring strangers into the house and entertain them without or against their husbands consent. The good Shunammite760 so often named as a precedent for good wives, first asked her husbands consent, before she lodged a Prophet of the Lord.
As for a wiues power to make vowes, in that the law giueth an husband power to diſanull her vow when he knoweth it, it implieth that ſhe ought to haue his conſent in making it, if762 at leaſt ſhe deſire to haue it eſtabliſhed, which ſhe ought to deſire, or elſe ſhe mocketh God.
- 762. Num. 30. 9. [moved in the edition]
As for a wives power to make vows, in that the law giveth an husband power to disannul her vow when he knoweth it,762 it implieth that she ought to have his consent in making it, if at least she desire to have it established, which she ought to desire, or else she mocketh God.
- 762. Num‸ 30:‸9. [moved here by the editor]
I haue thought good to mention theſe particular points for illuſtration of a wiues ſubiection, becauſe they are all of them grounded on Gods word: many other might be added to them, but theſe are ſufficient.
I have thought good to mention these particular points for illustration of a wives subjection, because they are all of them grounded on God’s word: many other might be added to them, but these are sufficient.
§. 42. Of aberrations contrary to a wiues ſubiection in doing things without or againſt their husbands conſent.
§. 42. Of aberrations contrary to a wives subjection in doing things without or against their husbands consent.
Now conſider we the vſuall vices and aberrations contrary to thoſe duties: the generall ſumme of all is, for a wife to take on her to doe what ſhe liſt, whether her husband will or no, either not willing that he ſhould know what ſhe doth, or not caring though it be againſt his minde and will. Of this ſort are
Now consider we the usual vices and aberrations contrary to those duties: the general sum of all is, for a wife to take on her to do what she list, whether her husband will or no, either not willing that he should know what she doth, or not caring though it be against his mind and will. Of this sort are
1. Such as priuily take money out of their husbands cloſets,763 counters, or other like places where he laieth it, neuer telling him of it, nor willing that he ſhould know it: likewiſe ſuch as after the like manner take ware out of the ſhop, corne out of the garner, ſheepe out of the flocke, or any other goods to ſell and make money of: or to giue away, or otherwiſe to vſe ſo as their husbands ſhall neuer know, if they can hinder it. Such wiues herein ſinne hainouſly, and that in many reſpects.
- 763. 1. Priuy purloyning huſbands goods.
1. Such as privily take money out of their husbands closets,763 counters, or other like places where he layeth it, never telling him of it, nor willing that he should know it: likewise such as after the like manner take ware out of the shop, corn out of the garner, sheep out of the flock, or any other goods to sell and make money of: or to give away, or otherwise to use so as their husbands shall never know, if they can hinder it. Such wives herein sin heinously, and that in many respects.
- 763. 1. Privy purloining husbands goods.
Firſt they diſobey the ordinance of God in a maine branch of their particular calling, which is ſubiection.
First they disobey the ordinance of God in a main branch of their particular calling, which is subjection.
2. They ill repay the care and paines which their husbands take for their good. Many ſuch wiues recompence euill for good, which is a deuilliſh qualitie.
2. They ill repay the care and pains which their husbands take for their good. Many such wives recompense evil for good, which is a devilish quality.
3. They are oft a meanes to impaire and impoueriſh their husbands eſtate.
3. They are oft a means to impair and impoverish their husbands estate.
4. They ſhew themſelues no better then764 pilfring theeues thereby. All that can be iuſtly and truly ſaid for their right in the common goods, cannot defend them from the guilt of theft: they are the more dangerous by how much the more they are truſted, and leſſe ſuſpected: and their fact is ſo much the more hainous by how much the more deere their husbands ought to be vnto them.
- 764. Si vxor ex bonis communibus ſine viri licentia ſaltem praeſumpta accipiat, verè furtum committit. Greg. Sayr. clau. reg. l. 9. c. 16.
4. They show themselves no better then764 pilfering thieves thereby. All that can be justly and truly said for their right in the common goods, cannot defend them from the guilt of theft: they are the more dangerous by how much the more they are trusted, and less suspected: and their fact is so much the more heinous by how much the more dear their husbands ought to be unto them.
- 764. Si vxor ex bonis communibus sine viri licentia saltem praesumpta accipiat, verè furtum committit. Greg. Sayr. clau. reg. l. 9. c. 16.
5. They are a verie ill example to other inferiours in the houſe, for ſeldome hath a man a deceitfull wife, but ſome of the children or ſeruants, are made acceſſarie thereunto, being made her inſtruments to take the goods, and beſtow them as ſhe ordereth, and ſo are made vnfaithfull.
5. They are a very ill example to other inferiors in the house, for seldom hath a man a deceitful wife, but some of the children or servants, are made accessary thereunto, being made her instruments to take the goods, and bestow them as she ordereth, and so are made unfaithful.
6. They make themſelues ſlaues to their owne children and p. 313 ſeruants, whom they dare not diſpleaſe, leſt they ſhould tell what was done.
6. They make themselves slaves to their own children and servants, whom they dare not displease, lest they should tell what was done.
7. They teach their children and ſeruants to be theeues: for beſides that ſuch as are vſed by their miſtreſſes to purloine for them, are thereby made acceſſarie to their ſinne, they will alſo purloine for themſelues, when their miſtreſſes ſhall not know. So as what with the wiues purloining one way, and the childrens or ſeruants another way, a mans eſtate may be waſted as dew before the Sunne, and he not know which way.
7. They teach their children and servants to be thieves: for besides that such as are used by their mistresses to purloin for them, are thereby made accessary to their sin, they will also purloin for themselves, when their mistresses shall not know. So as what with the wives purloining one way, and the children’s or servants another way, a man’s estate may be wasted as dew before the Sun, and he not know which way.
2. Such as will haue what allowance they thinke beſt for765 themſelues and family, and ſcornfully ſay, They will not be at their husbands finding: they know beſt what allowance is fitteſt for the family, and that it ſhall haue. Many will make their huſbands eare tingle againe, yea and make the whole houſe (if not the ſtreet alſo) ring of it, if they thinke their allowance be not anſwerable to the vttermoſt extent of their husbands eſtate. This impatiencie and inſolencie, as it croſſeth Gods ordinance, ſo it maketh both their liues vncomfortable.
- 765. 2. Taking what allowance they liſt.
2. Such as will have what allowance they think best for765 themselves and family, and scornfully say, They will not be at their husbands finding: they know best what allowance is fittest for the family, and that it shall have. Many will make their husbands ear tingle again, yea and make the whole house (if not the street also) ring of it, if they think their allowance be not answerable to the uttermost extent of their husbands estate. This impatiency and insolency, as it crosseth God’s ordinance, so it maketh both their lives uncomfortable.
- 765. 2. Taking what allowance they list.
3. Such as cocker, attire, or any way bring vp their children766 otherwiſe then their husbands would, euen to the griefe and diſhonour of their husbands: keeping them at home when their husbands, for their better education, would haue them abroad: as theſe ſinne in hindring the good of their children, ſo alſo in not yeelding to their husbands.767
3. Such as cocker, attire, or any way bring up their children766 otherwise then their husbands would, even to the grief and dishonour of their husbands: keeping them at home when their husbands, for their better education, would have them abroad: as these sin in hindering the good of their children, so also in not yielding to their husbands.767
4. Such as will haue their owne will about ſeruants, taking in, and putting out whom they pleaſe, and when they pleaſe: vſing ſome ſeruants whom they finde for their turne to the preiudice of their husbands: and carying themſelues ſo ſharply768 and ſhrewiſhly to others that are for their husbands turne, as a good, truſtie, faithfull ſeruant cannot long ſtay in the houſe.
- 768. 5. Lending forth their husbands cattell.
4. Such as will have their own will about servants, taking in, and putting out whom they please, and when they please: using some servants whom they find for their turn to the prejudice of their husbands: and carrying themselves so sharply768 and shrewishly to others that are for their husbands turn, as a good, trusty, faithful servant cannot long stay in the house.
- 768. 5. Lending forth their husbands cattle.
5. Such as ſecretly lend out their husbands horſes, or other769 like cattell, more reſpecting to pleaſure a vaine friend, then to pleaſe a good husband. This fault is ſo much the greater, when it is done to the dammage and preiudice of the husband.
- 769. 6. Feaſting when their husbands ſhall not know it. Abſente marito compotationes domi ne excita. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.
5. Such as secretly lend out their husbands horses, or other769 like cattle, more respecting to pleasure a vain friend, then to please a good husband. This fault is so much the greater, when it is done to the damage and prejudice of the husband.
- 769. 6. Feasting when their husbands shall not know it. Absente marito compotationes domi ne excita. Greg. Naz. ad Olymp.
6. Such as are then moſt frolicke and iolly, when their huſbands are furtheſt off and cannot know it. Salomon ſets it downe as a note of a ſtrumpet,770 then to tricke vp her houſe and to ſeeke for gueſts, when her husband is gone a iourney farre p. 314 off. Then ought ſhe to be moſt ſolitarie, and by abſtaining from merrie meetings, to ſhew that there can be no greater dampe to her mirth, then the abſence of her husband.
- 770. Prou. 7. 19.
6. Such as are then most frolic and jolly, when their husbands are furthest off and cannot know it. Solomon sets it down as a note of a strumpet,770 then to trick up her house and to seek for guests, when her husband is gone a journey far off. Then ought she to be most solitary, and by abstaining from merry meetings, to show that there can be no greater damp to her mirth, then the absence of her husband.
- 770. Prov‸ 7:‸19.
7. Such as thinke their houſes a priſon vnto them, that cannot771 long tarrie at home: they thinke they haue power to goe when and whither they will, and to tarrie out as long as they liſt, thinke their husbands of it what they will.772 The Apoſtle layeth downe this as a marke of a wanton wife, and an idle houſe-wife, being idle (ſaith he) they goe about from houſe to houſe: therefore in773 another place he exhorteth them to be keepers at home. The Wiſe-man goeth further, and maketh this to be another note of a ſtrumpet, that774 her feet cannot abide in the houſe: which we may ſee verified in775 the Leuites adulterous wife, whoſe fearefull end was a ſtampe of Gods iudgement on ſuch looſe lewdneſſe.
7. Such as think their houses a prison unto them, that cannot771 long tarry at home: they think they have power to go when and whither they will, and to tarry out as long as they list, think their husbands of it what they will.772 The Apostle layeth down this as a mark of a wanton wife, and an idle house-wife, being idle (saith he) they go about from house to house: therefore in773 another place he exhorteth them to be keepers at home. The Wise-man goeth further, and maketh this to be another note of a strumpet, that her feet cannot abide in the house:774 which we may see verified in the Levites adulterous wife,775 whose fearful end was a stamp of God’s judgment on such loose lewdness.
8. Such as care not how or what they binde themſelues vnto776 without their husbands conſent, or knowledge: Herein eſpecially offend ſuch as being ſeduced by Ieſuites, Prieſts, or Friers, take the Sacrament, and thereupon by ſolemne vow and oath binde themſelues neuer to read an Engliſh Bible, nor any Proteſtants bookes, no nor to goe to any of their Churches, or to heare any of their Sermons: and ſuch moſt of all as enter into ſome Popiſh Nunnery, and vow neuer to returne to their husbands againe.
- 776. 8. Binding themſelues without conſent of huſband.
8. Such as care not how or what they bind themselves unto776 without their husbands consent, or knowledge: Herein especially offend such as being seduced by Jesuits, Priests, or Friars, take the Sacrament, and thereupon by solemn vow and oath bind themselves never to read an English Bible, nor any Protestants books, no nor to go to any of their Churches, or to hear any of their Sermons: and such most of all as enter into some Popish Nunnery, and vow never to return to their husbands again.
- 776. 8. Binding themselves without consent of husband.
Anſw. Aſſuredly ſhe was perſwaded that her husband would not be againſt it, and ſo had an implicit conſent: which may well be gathered, becauſe afterwards ſhe made it knowne to him, as both the778 name giuen to the childe, and779 that ſpeech of Annah, I will bring him that he may appeare before the Lord, and there abide for euer, and the anſwer of her husband,780 The Lord eſtabliſh his word, and781 his going vp with her when he was dedicated to the Lord, doe all ſhew.
Answ. Assuredly she was persuaded that her husband would not be against it, and so had an implicit consent: which may well be gathered, because afterwards she made it known to him, as both the778 name given to the child, and779 that speech of Hannah, I will bring him that he may appear before the Lord, and there abide for ever, and the answer of her husband, The Lord establish his word,780 and781 his going up with her when he was dedicated to the Lord, do all show.
Thus farre of the firſt branch of a wiues ſubmiſſion in abſtaining from doing things without her husbands conſent. The ſecond followeth, in doing the things which herequireth.
Thus far of the first branch of a wives submission in abstaining from doing things without her husbands consent. The second followeth, in doing the things which he requireth.
A Wife’s Active Obedience to Her Husband
A Wife’s Active Obedience to Her Husband
§. 43. Of a wiues actiue Obedience.
§. 43. Of a wives active Obedience.
It is a good proofe and triall of a wiues obedience, to abſtaine from doing ſuch things as otherwiſe ſhe would doe, if her huſbands contrarie will did not reſtraine her: but yet that is not ſufficient, there muſt be an actiue, as well as a paſſiue obedience yeelded. That old Law before mentioned (thy deſire ſhall be ſubiect to thine husband, and he ſhall rule ouer thee) implieth ſo much alſo. If ſhe refuſe to doe what he would haue her to doe, her deſire is not ſubiect to him, but to her ſelfe, neither doth he rule ouer her.
It is a good proof and trial of a wives obedience, to abstain from doing such things as otherwise she would do, if her husbands contrary will did not restrain her: but yet that is not sufficient, there must be an active, as well as a passive obedience yielded. That old Law before mentioned (thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee) implieth so much also. If she refuse to do what he would have her to do, her desire is not subject to him, but to her self, neither doth he rule over her.
This actiue part of her obedience hath reſpect
This active part of her obedience hath respect
2. To his reproofes, carefully to redreſſe what he iuſtly blameth.
2. To his reproofs, carefully to redress what he justly blameth.
For the firſt, ſo farre ought a wife to be from thinking ſcorne to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any meanes ſhe hath of her husbands minde and will, ought to haue the force of a ſtraight commandement with her. This readineſſe to obey is commended in the wiues of Iaakob, to whom when Iaakob had declared what motiues he had to depart from their fathers houſe, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would haue them to goe with him, yet before he particularly expreſſed his will, they readily anſwered, Whatſoeuer God783 hath ſaid vnto thee, doe: whereby they gaue him to vnderſtand that they were ready to yeeld vnto whatſoeuer he would haue done.
- 783. Gen. 31. 16.
For the first, so far ought a wife to be from thinking scorn to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any means she hath of her husbands mind and will, ‸ought to have the force of a straight commandment with her. This readiness to obey is commended in the wives of Jacob, to whom when Jacob had declared what motives he had to depart from their fathers house, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would have them to go with him, yet before he particularly expressed his will, they readily answered, Whatsoever God783 hath said unto thee, do: whereby they gave him to understand that they were ready to yield unto whatsoever he would have done.
- 783. Gen‸ 31:‸16.
§. 44. Of a wiues willingneſſe to784 dwell where her husband will.
§. 44. Of a wives willingness to dwell where her husband will.*
To make this part of a wiues obedience ſomewhat more cleare, I will exemplifie it by two or three particular inſtances, recorded and approued in Gods word.
- 784. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved in the edition]
To make this part of a wives obedience somewhat more clear, I will exemplify it by two or three particular instances, recorded and approved in God’s word.
- 784. Treat. 4. §. 18. [moved here by the editor]
The firſt is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will haue her dwell.
The first is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will have her dwell.
The wiues of Abraham, Iſaak, and Iaakob, herein manifeſted their wiue-like obedience: though their husbands brought them from their owne countrey, and from their fathers houſe, yet they refuſed not to goe with them, but dwelt in a ſtrange countrey, and that in tents.
The wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, herein manifested their wive-like obedience: though their husbands brought them from their own country, and from their fathers house, yet they refused not to go with them, but dwelt in a strange country, and that in tents.
p. 316 Note in particular what Iaakobs wiues ſay to their husband in this caſe, Is there any portion or inheritance for vs in our fathers785 houſe? implying thereby, that ſeeing it was their husbands pleaſure to be gone, they would not any longer tarry in their fathers houſe, to looke for any more portion or inheritance there.
- 785. Gen. 31. 14.
Note in particular what Jacob’s wives say to their husband in this case, Is there any portion or inheritance for us in our fathers785 house? implying thereby, that seeing it was their husbands pleasure to be gone, they would not any longer tarry in their fathers house, to look for any more portion or inheritance there.
- 785. Gen‸ 31:‸14.
Theſe examples doe further ſhew that if an husband haue iuſt occaſion to remoue from one country to another, and in thoſe countries from place to place, his wife ought to yeeld to goe with him, if he require it at her hands. Note what the Apoſtle ſaith, haue we not power to lead about a wife? That interrogation786 implieth a ſtrong aſſeueration. The husband then hauing power to lead about a wife from place to place, ſhe ought to ſubmit her ſelfe to that power. This clauſe (as well as other Apoſtles, and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas) ſheweth, that this was not only a power which might be vſed, but which was vſed by huſbands, and yeelded vnto by wiues.
- 786. 1 Cor. 9. 5. [moved in the edition]
These examples do further show that if an husband have just occasion to remove from one country to another, and in those countries from place to place, his wife ought to yield to go with him, if he require it at her hands. Note what the Apostle saith, have we not power to lead about a wife?786 That interrogation implieth a strong asseveration. The husband then having power to lead about a wife from place to place, she ought to submit her self to that power. This clause (as well as other Apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas) showeth, that this was not only a power which might be used, but which was used by husbands, and yielded unto by wives.
- 786. 1 Cor‸ 9:‸5. [moved here by the editor]
Obiect. The forenamed examples are extraordinary, and that vpon extraordinary occaſions.
Object. The forenamed examples are extraordinary, and that upon extraordinary occasions.
Anſw. Yet they may be patternes for ordinary occaſions which are lawfull and warrantable. Was it not an extraordinary fact of Eliah to pray firſt that there might be no raine, and787 then againe that there might be raine? yet is this propounded as a generall patterne to moue vs to pray for things lawfull.
- 787. Iam. 5. 17. [moved in the edition]
Answ. Yet they may be patterns for ordinary occasions which are lawful and warrantable. Was it not an extraordinary fact of Elijah to pray first that there might be no rain,787 and then again that there might be rain? Yet is this propounded as a general pattern to move us to pray for things lawful.
- 787. Jas 5:‸17. [moved here by the editor]
Now in laying downe this dutie I added the clauſe and caueat of iuſt occaſion, to meet both with ſuch as vpon diſcontent, or ſuperſtition, leaue the land where the true Goſpell is maintained, and preached, and goe into idolatrous places: and alſo with ſuch wandring giddy heads as only to ſatisfie their owne humour, and to ſee faſhions, as we ſpeake, can neuer reſt in a place, but are continually remouing from countrey to countrey, and from place to place: I thinke (to vſe the words of the Apoſtle) a wife is not vnder bondage in ſuch caſeſ.788
- 788. 1 Cor. 7. 15.
Now in laying down this duty I added the clause and caveat of just occasion, to meet both with such as upon discontent, or superstition, leave the land where the true Gospel is maintained, and preached, and go into idolatrous places: and also with such wandering giddy heads as only to satisfy their own humour, and to see fashions, as we speak, can never rest in a place, but are continually removing from country to country, and from place to place: I think (to use the words of the Apostle) a wife is not under bondage in such cases.788
- 788. 1 Cor‸ 7:‸15.
But if a man be ſent of an ambaſſage by his Prince, or countrey: or if a Preacher or Profeſſor be called into another countrey, as Bucer and Peter Martyr were into England in King Edwards daies (which to this day is vſuall in other countries) or if a man be adiudged vnto long impriſonment, and p. 317 vpon theſe and other like occaſions ſhall require his wife to be with him, ſhe ought in dutie to yeeld vnto his demand.
But if a man be sent of an ambassage by his Prince, or country: or if a Preacher or Professor be called into another country, as Bucer and Peter Martyr were into England in King Edward’s days (which to this day is usual in other countries) or if a man be adjudged unto long imprisonment, and upon these and other like occasions shall require his wife to be with him, she ought in duty to yield unto his demand.
Contrary is the minde and practiſe of many wiues, who789 being affected and addicted to one place more then another, as to the place where they were bred and brought vp, where their greateſt, beſt, and moſt friends dwell, and where they haue good acquaintance, refuſe to goe and dwell where their husbands calling lieth, though he require, and deſire them neuer ſo much. Thus many husbands are forced to their great dammage for peace ſake to yeeld vnto their wiues, and ſo either to relinquiſh their calling, or to haue two houſes; whence it followeth, that ſometimes they muſt neglect their ſeruants and calling, and ſometimes be abſent from their wiues, if not from their children alſo. Some wiues pretend that they cannot endure the ſmoake of the citie, other that they cannot endure the aire of the countrie: whereas indeed their owne humour and conceit ſtuffes them more then either citie ſmoake or countrie aire. I cannot call ſuch the daughters of Sarah herein:790 they are not like thoſe forenamed holy women that truſted in God, and were ſubiect to their husbands, but rather like to that light houſewife of the Leuite, who would not dwell in her huſbands791 houſe at mount Ephraim, but at her fathers houſe in Beth-lehem Iudah. Such wiues as I ſpeake of, in matrimoniall chaſtitie may be more honeſt, but in wiuelike ſubiection are little more dutifull. Let this be taken for a fault, and it will be the ſooner amended.
Contrary is the mind and practise of many wives, who789 being affected and addicted to one place more then another, as to the place where they were bred and brought up, where their greatest, best, and most friends dwell, and where they have good acquaintance, refuse to go and dwell where their husbands calling lieth, though he require, and desire them never so much. Thus many husbands are forced to their great damage for peace sake to yield unto their wives, and so either to relinquish their calling, or to have two houses; whence it followeth, that sometimes they must neglect their servants and calling, and sometimes be absent from their wives, if not from their children also. Some wives pretend that they cannot endure the smoke of the city, other that they cannot endure the air of the country: whereas indeed their own humour and conceit stuffs them more then either city smoke or country air. I cannot call such the daughters of Sarah herein:790 they are not like those forenamed holy women that trusted in God, and were subject to their husbands, but rather like to that light housewife of the Levite, who would not dwell in her husbands791 house at mount Ephraim, but at her fathers house in Beth-lehem Judah. Such wives as I speak of, in matrimonial chastity may be more honest, but in wivelike subjection are little more dutiful. Let this be taken for a fault, and it will be the sooner amended.
§. 45. Of a wiues792 readineſſe to come to her husband when he requires it.
§. 45. Of a wives readiness to come to her husband when he requires it.*
Another particular inſtance of a wiues readineſſe to yeeld vnto her husbands commandement is, to come to her husband when her husband requireth it, either by calling her, or ſending for her. The forenamed793 wiues of Iaakob being ſent for to their husband in the field where he was, made no excuſe, but came preſently. So farre ought wiues herein to ſubiect their wills to their husbands, that though it may ſeeme to them ſome diſparagement to come, yet if their husbands will haue it ſo they muſt yeeld, otherwiſe they ſeeme euen to794 deſpiſe their husbands.
Another particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment is, to come to her husband when her husband requireth it, either by calling her, or sending for her. The forenamed793 wives of Jacob being sent for to their husband in the field where he was, made no excuse, but came presently. So far ought wives herein to subject their wills to their husbands, that though it may seem to them some disparagement to come, yet if their husbands will have it so they must yield, otherwise they seem even to despise their husbands.794
p. 318 Contrary is Vaſhtie-like ſtoutneſſe, when wiues thinke and795 ſay, it is a ſeruants part to come when they are called or ſent for, and they will neuer yeeld to be their husbands ſeruants, to come at his command. By the ſame reaſon may all duties of ſubiection be reiected. But for this particular, let ſuch ſtout796 dames note the iſſue of Vaſhties ſtubbornneſſe. As many excuſes might be alleaged for her as I thinke for any: for Firſt, ſhe was797 royally deſcended, being the daughter of a King. Secondly, ſhe was then among the honourable women of the kingdome. Thirdly, the King was in drinke when he ſent for her. Fourthly, he ſent for her to ſhew her beautie before multitudes of men, which was not ſeemely. But all theſe were not ſufficient to excuſe her fault, and free her from blame. Firſt, though ſhe were of royall parentage, yet ſhe was a wife, and her husband ſent for her. Secondly, being among the noble women of the kingdome, ſhe ſhould the rather haue ſhewed her ſelfe a patterne of ſubiection in this kinde. Thirdly, though he were in drinke, yet remained he an husband: and the thing which he commanded was not ſuch but that ſhe might haue done it without ſinne. Fourthly, if ſhe thought the thing vnſeemely, ſhe ſhould firſt haue vſed all the faire meanes ſhe could to haue beene ſpared; but if by all ſhe could not haue preuailed, then (the thing being not ſimplie vnlawfull and a ſinne) ſhe ſhould haue yeelded.
Contrary is Vashti-like stoutness, when wives think and795 say, it is a servants part to come when they are called or sent for, and they will never yield to be their husbands servants, to come at his command. By the same reason may all duties of subjection be rejected. But for this particular, let such stout796 dames note the issue of Vashti’s stubbornness. As many excuses might be alleged for her as I think for any: for first, she was797 royally descended, being the daughter of a King. Secondly, she was then among the honourable women of the kingdom. Thirdly, the King was in drink when he sent for her. Fourthly, he sent for her to show her beauty before multitudes of men, which was not seemly. But all these were not sufficient to excuse her fault, and free her from blame. First, though she were of royal parentage, yet she was a wife, and her husband sent for her. Secondly, being among the noble women of the kingdom, she should the rather have showed her self a pattern of subjection in this kind. Thirdly, though he were in drink, yet remained he an husband: and the thing which he commanded was not such but that she might have done it without sin. Fourthly, if she thought the thing unseemly, she should first have used all the fair means she could to have been spared; but if by all she could not have prevailed, then (the thing being not simply unlawful and a sin) she should have yielded.
Obiect. Her fault was not in that as a wife ſhe came not to her husband, but in that as a ſubiect ſhe came not to her Soueraigne.
Object. Her fault was not in that as a wife she came not to her husband, but in that as a subject she came not to her Sovereign.
2. Obiect. Her fact is ſo cenſured but by heathen men, that had no vnderſtanding of Gods word.
2. Object. Her fact is so censured but by heathen men, that had no understanding of God’s word.
Anſw. 1. The holy Scripture by the ſeuerall circumſtances ſo diſtinctly noted intimateth that her rebellious fact was a notorious fault: and accordingly both799 iudicious commenters, and alſo Preachers doe taxe her of ſinfull diſobedience to her husband.
- 799. Pellican. Lauater. Gualt. Strigel. Cuper. Merlin. Feuard. Bellator. Rupert. Iſiodor. Hiſp. Raban. alijꝗ Comment. in Eſth.
Answ. 1. The holy Scripture by the several circumstances so distinctly noted intimateth that her rebellious fact was a notorious fault: and accordingly both799 judicious commenters, and also Preachers do tax her of sinful disobedience to her husband.
- 799. Pellican. Lauater. Gualt. Strigel. Cuper. Merlin. Feuard. Bellator. Rupert. Isiodor. Hisp. Raban. alijque Comment. in Esth.
2. Though they were heathen, yet they ſhewed what ſubiection p. 319 is required of wiues to their husbands by the very light of nature, whereby this ſinne is aggrauated.
2. Though they were heathen, yet they showed what subjection is required of wives to their husbands by the very light of nature, whereby this sin is aggravated.
3. Abimelech was but a heathen man, yet his ſentence concerning a womans ſubiection in theſe words, he is to thee a800 couering of the eyes, is taken to be iudicious, and being approued by the holy Ghoſt, to be a good proofe. As for that particular of Uaſhtie, why is it ſo largely recorded in the Scripture but for inſtruction, and admonition vnto wiues?
- 800. Gen. 20. 16.
3. Abimelech was but a heathen man, yet his sentence concerning a woman’s subjection in these words, he is to thee a800 covering of the eyes, is taken to be judicious, and being approved by the Holy Ghost, to be a good proof. As for that particular of Vashti, why is it so largely recorded in the Scripture but for instruction, and admonition unto wives?
- 800. Gen‸ 20:‸16.
§. 46. Of a wiues readineſſe to801 doe what her husband requireth.
§. 46. Of a wives readiness to do what her husband requireth.*
A third particular inſtance of a wiues readineſſe to yeeld vnto her husbands commandement, is, to performe what buſineſſe he requireth of her. When of a ſudden there came three men to Abram, and he was deſirous to entertaine them, he bid his wife make readie quickly three meaſures of meale, &c. and ſhe802 did it accordingly. Ieroboam hauing a weightie occaſion to ſend to Ahijah the Prophet, thought it meet to ſend by his803 wife, ſhe accordingly (though a Queene) went: ſhe did as her husband would haue her.
A third particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment, is, to perform what business he requireth of her. When of a sudden there came three men to Abram, and he was desirous to entertain them, he bid his wife make ready quickly three measures of meal, etc‸.802 And she did it accordingly. Jeroboam having a weighty occasion to send to Ahijah the Prophet, thought it meet to send by his803 wife, she accordingly (though a Queen) went: she did as her husband would have her.
Contrary is the humour of many wiues who will not doe804 any thing vpon command. If ſuch a wiues husband being deſirous to entertaine a friend on the ſudden, ſhall vſe Abrams phraſe, make readie quickly, &c. ſhe will ſay, let him come and doe it himſelfe, if he will haue it ſo quickly done, I will not be his drudge: or if, hauing a matter of moment and ſecrecie, he will his wife her ſelfe to doe it, ſhe will reply, I am none of your ſeruants; cannot you put it to one of them, or doe it your ſelfe? Yet will ſuch wiues be ready to command their husbands to doe euery toy, and if he doe it not, they can reply, is this ſuch a matter? and may not a wife ſpeake to her husband? Were the point of obedience well learned, it would caſt ſuch wiues into another mould.
- 804. Contrary, ſtubbornneſſe in refuſing to doe a thing vpon command.
Contrary is the humour of many wives who will not do804 any thing upon command. If such a wives husband being desirous to entertain a friend on the sudden, shall use Abram’s phrase, make ready quickly, etc‸. She will say, let him come and do it himself, if he will have it so quickly done, I will not be his drudge: or if, having a matter of moment and secrecy, he will his wife her self to do it, she will reply, I am none of your servants; cannot you put it to one of them, or do it your self? Yet will such wives be ready to command their husbands to do every toy, and if he do it not, they can reply, is this such a matter? And may not a wife speak to her husband? Were the point of obedience well learned, it would cast such wives into another mould.
- 804. Contrary, stubbornness in refusing to do a thing upon command.
Theſe few particulars may ſerue for direction in many hundreds. I proceed to the other part of a wiues actiue obedience, which reſpecteth the reproofes of her husband.
These few particulars may serve for direction in many hundreds. I proceed to the other part of a wives active obedience, which respecteth the reproofs of her husband.
The husband hauing authoritie ouer his wife, by vertue thereof he hath power, yea it is his dutie as there is needfull p. 320 cauſe to rebuke her: By iuſt conſequence therefore it followeth,806 that it is her dutie to yeeld obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done becauſe the chiefeſt triall of ſound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth ſo much againſt ones ſtomach as reproofe: ſhe that yeelds when ſhe is rebuked, will much more when ſhe is intreated. This point of obedience is manifeſted two waies.
The husband having authority over his wife, by virtue thereof he hath power, yea it is his duty as there is needful cause to rebuke her: By just consequence therefore it followeth,806 that it is her duty to yield obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done because the chiefest trial of sound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth so much against ones stomach as reproof: she that yields when she is rebuked, will much more when she is entreated. This point of obedience is manifested two ways.
1. By meekneſſe in taking a reproofe.
1. By meekness in taking a reproof.
2. By endeuour to redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued. The very point of obedience eſpecially conſiſteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparatiue thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at leaſt not well done.
2. By endeavour to redress what is justly reproved. The very point of obedience especially consisteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparative thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at least not well done.
Meekneſſe in this caſe is one of the moſt principall fruits of807 that meeke and quiet ſpirit which S. Peter commendeth vnto wiues. Howſoeuer Rachel iuſtly deſerued blame for comming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that ſhe meekly tooke his ſharpe reproofe (for ſhe replied not againſt it, but meekly gaue a direction for the better accompliſhment of her deſire) her example is commendable: commendable I ſay, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproofe.
- 807. 1. She muſt meekly take reproofe. 1 Pet. 3. 4. Gen. 30. 1.
Meekness in this case is one of the most principal fruits of807 that meek and quiet spirit which S. Peter commendeth unto wives. Howsoever Rachel justly deserved blame for coming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that she meekly took his sharp reproof (for she replied not against it, but meekly gave a direction for the better accomplishment of her desire) her example is commendable: commendable I say, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproof.
- 807. 1. She must meekly take reproof. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸4. Gen‸ 30:‸1.
Much wiſdome may be learned hereby: for when any808 meekly take a reproofe, thereby they ſuppreſſe their paſſion, and keepe it from riſing as a cloud before their vnderſtanding and darkning it, and ſo may they better iudge of the matter reproued whether it be iuſt or no: and whether it need redreſſe or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproofe, and fret and fume againſt it, cannot ſo well iudge. The virgin Mary made good vſe of Chriſts reprouing her, and thereby809 learned and taught a good point of wiſdome, namely ſo to referre our affaires to Chriſt as we expect his pleaſure; and not preſcribe time, meanes, manner, or any other like circumſtances vnto him.
Much wisdom may be learned hereby: for when any808 meekly take a reproof, thereby they suppress their passion, and keep it from rising as a cloud before their understanding and darkening it, and so may they better judge of the matter reproved whether it be just or no: and whether it need redress or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproof, and fret and fume against it, cannot so well judge. The virgin Mary made good use of Christ’s reproving her,809 and thereby learned and taught a good point of wisdom, namely so to refer our affairs to Christ as we expect his pleasure; and not prescribe time, means, manner, or any other like circumstances unto him.
Anſw. He therein forgets his place, yet thereupon ſhe muſt not forget her duty. If Iaakobs reproofe be well noted, we ſhall finde it very tart, for it is expreſly ſaid that his anger was kindled againſt her, (Gen. 30. 2.) ſo as he ſpake in anger: the manner p. 321 and forme of his words being with an interrogation, and the811 matter alſo, am I in Gods ſtead, &c. declare tartneſſe: yet (as was declared before) ſhe ſhewed meekneſe.
Answ. He therein forgets his place, yet thereupon she must not forget her duty. If Jacob’s reproof be well noted, we shall find it very tart, for it is expressly said that his anger was kindled against her, (Gen‸ 30:‸2‸) so as he spake in anger: the manner and form of his words being with an interrogation, and the811 matter also, am I in God’s stead, etc‸. declare tartness: yet (as was declared before) she showed meekness.
Queſt. What if his reproofe be vniuſt?
Quest. What if his reproof be unjust?
2. Anſw. Yet may not meekneſſe be forgotten. In ſuch a caſe a wife may make a iuſt apologie to cleare her owne innocencie, and manifeſt her husbands error: but if he refuſe to heare her, or will not beleeue her, then (as S. Peter ſpeaketh in another812 caſe) ſhe muſt endure griefe for conſcience toward God.
- 812. 1 Pet. 2. 19, 20.
2. Answ. Yet may not meekness be forgotten. In such a case a wife may make a just apology to clear her own innocency, and manifest her husbands error: but if he refuse to hear her, or will not believe her, then (as S. Peter speaketh in another812 case) she must endure grief for conscience toward God.
- 812. 1 Pet‸ 2:‸19, 20.
The two reaſons which there he rendreth in that other caſe may not vnfitly be applied to this.
The two reasons which there he rendereth in that other case may not unfitly be applied to this.
Contrary is their minde who by no meanes will brooke a rebuke at their husbands hands: it skills not whether it be iuſt or vniuſt: if their husbands reproue them, they ſhall be ſure to haue the reproofe rebounded backe againe vpon their faces, and that with greater violence then euer it came from them. There be ſome that ſeeme to be very good wiues till they be tried by the touch-ſtone of reproofe: but then though the reproofe be for matter moſt iuſt, for manner moſt milde, and that in priuate betwixt their husbands and themſelues, yet they grow ſo impatient, or rather mad, as they forbeare not to giue their husbands the moſt ſcornfull ſpeeches that they can inuent, vſing withall bitter imprecations and execrations, and threaten to drowne or hang themſelues if they be croſſed of their wills. Yea further, if wiſe husbands ſhall forbeare them in their paſſion, and after it is allaied tell them how vnbeſeeming their places they carried themſelues, they will ſeeke to iuſtifie themſelues, and lay all the blame on their husbands for croſſing them in their will: or if they cannot but ſee their p. 322 fault, yet they will only ſay, it is my infirmitie: but yet euer continue in that infirmitie: and though they make ſhew of fearing God, yet labour not to purge this corrupt humour out of their hearts. Hence is it for the moſt part that contentions ariſe betwixt man and wife. If wiues would learne in this point to be ſubiect, many iarres, which from time to time ariſe betwixt them, would be allaied, if not preuented. Michal816 the wife of Dauid, and Iobs wife (though they gaue iuſt occaſion to be moſt ſharply reproued, yet) ſhall riſe vp in iudgement againſt theſe wiues, becauſe they were ſilent after they were reproued, and replied not. Salomon oft titles ſuch as cannot beare rebuke ſcorners: ſo as hereby wiues ſhew that817 they are very ſcornfull.
Contrary is their mind who by no means will brook a rebuke at their husbands hands: it skills not whether it be just or unjust: if their husbands reprove them, they shall be sure to have the reproof rebounded back again upon their faces, and that with greater violence then ever it came from them. There be some that seem to be very good wives till they be tried by the touch-stone of reproof: but then though the reproof be for matter most just, for manner most mild, and that in private betwixt their husbands and themselves, yet they grow so impatient, or rather mad, as they forbear not to give their husbands the most scornful speeches that they can invent, using withal bitter imprecations and execrations, and threaten to drown or hang themselves if they be crossed of their wills. Yea further, if wise husbands shall forbear them in their passion, and after it is allayed tell them how unbeseeming their places they carried themselves, they will seek to justify themselves, and lay all the blame on their husbands for crossing them in their will: or if they cannot but see their fault, yet they will only say, it is my infirmity: but yet ever continue in that infirmity: and though they make show of fearing God, yet labour not to purge this corrupt humour out of their hearts. Hence is it for the most part that contentions arise betwixt man and wife. If wives would learn in this point to be subject, many jars, which from time to time arise betwixt them, would be allayed, if not prevented. Michal816 the wife of David, and Job’s wife (though they gave just occasion to be most sharply reproved, yet) shall rise up in judgment against these wives, because they were silent after they were reproved, and replied not. Solomon oft titles such as cannot bear rebuke scorners:817 so as hereby wives show that they are very scornful.
§. 48. Of a wiues818 readineſſe to redreſſe what her husband iuſtly reproueth in her.
§. 48. Of a wives readiness to redress what her husband justly reproveth in her.*
A further degree of obedience in bearing reproofe is, that819 a wife readily redreſſe what is iuſtly reproued by her husband: I ſay iuſtly, becauſe where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needfull (as was before ſhewed) but no repentance of that which is not amiſſe. But where any thing is amiſſe, there muſt be a redreſſe. Rachel did amiſſe in820 bringing Idols into her husbands houſe: her husband in821 bidding her among others to put away their ſtrange gods, reproued them all. Whereupon ſhe with all the reſt gaue to him all their ſtrange gods. This was a good redreſſe.
A further degree of obedience in bearing reproof is, that819 a wife readily redress what is justly reproved by her husband: I say justly, because where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needful (as was before showed) but no repentance of that which is not amiss. But where any thing is amiss, there must be a redress. Rachel did amiss in820 bringing Idols into her husbands house: her husband in821 bidding her among others to put away their strange gods, reproved them all. Whereupon she with all the rest gave to him all their strange gods. This was a good redress.
A reproofe may be iuſtly giuen either for a good dutie omitted; or for an euill thing committed: and accordingly muſt the redreſſe or amendment be. A dutie formerly omitted muſt after the reproofe be more carefully obſerued and performed, if it be a continuall dutie, and may be againe performed: otherwiſe the redreſſe is a teſtification of true ſorrow for that fault. When an euill is committed, if any meanes can be vſed to make vp the hurt, and redreſſe the miſchiefe that followed thereupon, it muſt be done: if not, ſorrow as before, muſt be teſtified, and care taken that the ſame, or the like be not committed againe.
A reproof may be justly given either for a good duty omitted; or for an evil thing committed: and accordingly must the redress or amendment be. A duty formerly omitted must after the reproof be more carefully observed and performed, if it be a continual duty, and may be again performed: otherwise the redress is a testification of true sorrow for that fault. When an evil is committed, if any means can be used to make up the hurt, and redress the mischief that followed thereupon, it must be done: if not, sorrow as before, must be testified, and care taken that the same, or the like be not committed again.
As a good conſcience requireth as much of all Chriſtians by whomſoeuer they be reproued, ſo the reſpect which a wife p. 323 oweth to an husband doth after an eſpeciall manner require it. Otherwiſe her fault is doubled, 1. by continuance in her ſin;
As a good conscience requireth as much of all Christians by whomsoever they be reproved, so the respect which a wife oweth to an husband doth after an especial manner require it. Otherwise her fault is doubled, 1. By continuance in her sin;
2. by diſobedience to her husband.
2. By disobedience to her husband.
Contrary is their ſpirit who for reproofe waxe the worſe:822 being like thoſe ſcorners (of whom Salomon ſpeaketh) that hate thoſe that reproue them. It is the ſpeech of ſome wiues, that if their husbands would let them alone they would doe the better: but vpon rebuke they will neuer amend: the more their husbands finde fault, the more will they goe on, in doing what they doe. What other iudgement can be giuen of ſuch, then that which the wiſe man giueth, there is more hope823 of a foole then of them.
Contrary is their spirit who for reproof wax the worse:822 being like those scorners (of whom Solomon speaketh) that hate those that reprove them. It is the speech of some wives, that if their husbands would let them alone they would do the better: but upon rebuke they will never amend: the more their husbands find fault, the more will they go on, in doing what they do. What other judgment can be given of such, then that which the wise man giveth, there is more hope823 of a fool then of them. Of submission hitherto.
§. 49. Of a wiues824 contentment with her husbands preſent eſtate. Of ſubmiſſion hitherto.
§. 49. Of a wives contentment with her husbands present estate.* ‸
Contentment is alſo a part of obedience: it hath reſpect to a mans outward eſtate and abilitie, in and with which a wife muſt reſt ſatisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or meane, wealthy or needy, aboue, equall, or vnder that eſtate wherein ſhe was before mariage: yea though a man haue beene ſometimes great in eſtate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a meane eſtate, ſhe ought to reſt content. Thus much Iob implieth in his replie to his wife, ſaying, ſhall we receiue825 good at the hand of God, and not receiue euill? The euill he ſpeaketh of was the loſſe of his goods, ſeruants, and children, together with other miſeries that Satan through Gods permiſſion inflicted vpon him: the receiuing of euill which he ſpeaketh of was a reſting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Euill may be laid on any, and ſo they forced to beare it: but they only receiue it, who are content with it. Now in that he vſeth the plurall number (WE) and ſpeaking to his wife ſaith (ſhall not we receiue euill) he ſheweth that his wife ought as well as he to haue reſt contented in that poore and miſerable eſtate: For
Contentment is also a part of obedience: it hath respect to a man’s outward estate and ability, in and with which a wife must rest satisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or mean, wealthy or needy, above, equal, or under that estate wherein she was before marriage: yea though a man have been sometimes great in estate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a mean estate, she ought to rest content. Thus much Job implieth in his reply to his wife, saying, shall we receive825 good at the hand of God, and not receive evil? The evil he speaketh of was the loss of his goods, servants, and children, together with other miseries that Satan through God’s permission inflicted upon him: the receiving of evil which he speaketh of was a resting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Evil may be laid on any, and so they forced to bear it: but they only receive it, who are content with it. Now in that he useth the plural number (WE) and speaking to his wife saith (shall not we receive evil) he showeth that his wife ought as well as he to have rest contented in that poor and miserable estate: For
1. Man and wife being one fleſh, by vertue of their matrimoniall vnion, both his aduancement, and alſo his abaſement is hers: as ſhe riſeth with him, ſo ſhe falleth with him. Wherefore as ſhe is willing to be aduanced with him, ſo ſhe muſt be content to be abaſed with him.
1. Man and wife being one flesh, by virtue of their matrimonial union, both his advancement, and also his abasement is hers: as she riseth with him, so she falleth with him. Wherefore as she is willing to be advanced with him, so she must be content to be abased with him.
2. If at the time of mariage her husband was of meaner eſtate p. 324 then ſhe, ſhe voluntarily put her ſelfe into that meane eſtate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worſe, for richer for poorer. And ſhall ſhe not be content with her own act? If after mariage his eſtate decay, and wax meaner then it was, ſhe is to be perſwaded that by God it was ſo ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon ſhe ought in her dutifull ſubmiſſion to Gods ouer-ruling prouidence to be patient and content: this Iob implieth vnder this phraſe, ſhall we not receiue euill at the hand of God? and vnder this, The Lord taketh away.
2. If at the time of marriage her husband was of meaner estate then she, she voluntarily put her self into that mean estate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worse, for richer for poorer. And shall she not be content with her own act? If after marriage his estate decay, and wax meaner then it was, she is to be persuaded that by God it was so ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon she ought in her dutiful submission to God’s over-ruling providence to be patient and content: this Job implieth under this phrase, shall we not receive evil at the hand of God? and under this, The Lord taketh away.
3. A wiues contentment is a great eaſe to her husband lying vnder a croſſe: and it maketh the burden ſeeme much lighter then otherwiſe it would, if at leaſt he be a kinde husband, and affected with his wiues paſſion, as he ought to be. For a louing husband in euery diſtreſſe is more perplexed for his wife, then for himſelfe.
3. A wives contentment is a great ease to her husband lying under a cross: and it maketh the burden seem much lighter then otherwise it would, if at least he be a kind husband, and affected with his wives passion, as he ought to be. For a loving husband in every distress is more perplexed for his wife, then for himself.
§. 50. Of wiues diſcontent at their husbands eſtate.
§. 50. Of wives discontent at their husbands estate.
1. Some when they are maried finding their husbands eſtate827 weaker then they imagined, repent their mariage, and ſticke not to tell their husbands, that if they had before knowne them to be no better men then they finde them to be, they ſhould haue beene no husbands for them. Wherein firſt they bewray their fooliſh indiſcretion by ſaying, when it is too late, if I had828 thought this; and withall they manifeſt their own raſhneſſe and vnaduiſedneſſe, in that they gaue their hands and plighted their troth to thoſe whom they knew not. If they ſay, they were deceiued by their friends whom they put in truſt, I anſwer that mariage is too weightie a matter to be wholly referred ouer to the truſt of friends: euery one that yeeldeth to be maried, ought wel to know the party vnto whom in this caſe they yeeld: and aboue all they ought to ſeeke direction, helpe, and bleſſing from God. If notwithſtanding all the meanes which poſſibly they could vſe, they be deceiued, they are to looke vnto God, and to behold his prouidence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord haue croſſed their deſire for their p. 325 humiliation, or for triall of their patience, wiſdome and other like graces, or elſe to weine them from ſome vaine and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.
1. Some when they are married finding their husbands estate827 weaker then they imagined, repent their marriage, and stick not to tell their husbands, that if they had before known them to be no better men then they find them to be, they should have been no husbands for them. Wherein first they bewray their foolish indiscretion by saying, when it is too late, if I had828 thought this; and withal they manifest their own rashness and unadvisedness, in that they gave their hands and plighted their troth to those whom they knew not. If they say, they were deceived by their friends whom they put in trust, I answer that marriage is too weighty a matter to be wholly referred over to the trust of friends: every one that yieldeth to be married, ought well to know the party unto whom in this case they yield: and above all they ought to seek direction, help, and blessing from God. If notwithstanding all the means which possibly they could use, they be deceived, they are to look unto God, and to behold his providence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord have crossed their desire for their humiliation, or for trial of their patience, wisdom and other like graces, or else to wean them from some vain and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.
2. Others obſeruing their husbands eſtate to be decaied829 and waſted, neuer ſearch after the occaſion, but lay all the blame vpon their husbands, and with their diſcontented lookes, paſſionate words, and impatient cariage, ſo vex their hearts, as they make the croſſe much more heauy then otherwiſe it could be. Though the eſtate ſhould be ouerthrowne by the vnthriftineſſe of an husband, yet ought a wife to looke vnto Gods prouidence therein, as was noted before.
- 829. 2. By impatient cariage.
2. Others observing their husbands estate to be decayed829 and wasted, never search after the occasion, but lay all the blame upon their husbands, and with their discontented looks, passionate words, and impatient carriage, so vex their hearts, as they make the cross much more heavy then otherwise it could be. Though the estate should be overthrown by the unthriftiness of an husband, yet ought a wife to look unto God’s providence therein, as was noted before.
- 829. 2. By impatient carriage.
3. Others ſcorning to ſtoope, and to come downe to their830 husbands preſent condition, through their pride and vaineglory are a great means to make his eſtate much the worſe: for they, ſo long as by any meanes they can get it, will not abate any thing of their braue apparell, dainty cheere, rich furniture, and other like things, which are cauſes of great expence to their husbands: hereby alſo it commeth oft to paſſe that huſbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and ſo greater taxations and charges then they can beare are laid vpon them for King, Countrey, Church, Poore, and the like.
- 830. 3. By refuſing to ſtoope.
3. Others scorning to stoop, and to come down to their830 husbands present condition, through their pride and vainglory are a great means to make his estate much the worse: for they, so long as by any means they can get it, will not abate any thing of their brave apparel, dainty cheer, rich furniture, and other like things, which are causes of great expense to their husbands: hereby also it cometh oft to pass that husbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and so greater taxations and charges then they can bear are laid upon them for King, Country, Church, Poor, and the like.
- 830. 3. By refusing to stoop.
4. Others, through diſcontent lie long lazing in their beds,831 or idly ſit ſtill when they are vp, and will not take any whit the more paines to raiſe vp and increaſe their husbands eſtate: whereby God is prouoked more and more to weaken their eſtates, that ſo he may the more puniſh ſuch pride and lazineſſe in wiues.
- 831. 4. By refuſing to helpe.
4. Others, through discontent lie long lazing in their beds,831 or idly sit still when they are up, and will not take any whit the more pains to raise up and increase their husbands estate: whereby God is provoked more and more to weaken their estates, that so he may the more punish such pride and laziness in wives.
- 831. 4. By refusing to help.
A Wife’s Submission to Christ First
A Wife’s Submission to Christ First
§. 51. Of832 caſes wherein a wife ought not to forbeare what her husband forbiddeth.
§. 51. Of cases wherein a wife ought not to forbear what her husband forbiddeth.*
So much of the diſtinct branches of a wiues ſubiection. The limitation and manner of performing it next followeth.
- 832. Treat. 4. §. 26. [moved in the edition]
So much of the distinct branches of a wives subjection. The limitation and manner of performing it next followeth.
- 832. Treat. 4. §. 26. [moved here by the editor]
To know the limitation of a wiues obedience, and the manner how ſhe ought to yeeld ſubiection vnto her husband, two things muſt be conſidered:
- 1. The place of an husband.
- 2. The place of a wife.
To know the limitation of a wives obedience, and the manner how she ought to yield subjection unto her husband, two things must be considered:
- The place of an husband.
- The place of a wife.
The husbands place is noted in this phraſe, as to the Lord:833 whereby is ſhewed that the husband euen by vertue of his p. 326 place is to his wife in Chriſts ſtead: which is further more plainly laid downe in theſe words following, the husband is834 the head of the wife, as Chriſt is the head of the Church.
The husbands place is noted in this phrase, as to the Lord:833 whereby is showed that the husband even by virtue of his place is to his wife in Christ’s stead: which is further more plainly laid down in these words following, the husband is834 the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church.
From the place of an husband, I gather this generall ground concerning a wiues ſubiection, that
From the place of an husband, I gather this general ground concerning a wives subjection, that
Subiection muſt be yeelded to the husband as to Chriſt, whence will follow two concluſions, one negatiue, which is this,
Subjection must be yielded to the husband as to Christ, whence will follow two conclusions, one negative, which is this,
The wife muſt yeeld no other ſubiection to her husband then what may ſtand with her ſubiection to Chriſt.
The wife must yield no other subjection to her husband then what may stand with her subjection to Christ.
The other affirmatiue, which is this,
The other affirmative, which is this,
The wife muſt ſubiect her ſelfe to her husband in that manner that ſhe would or ſhould ſubiect her ſelfe to Chriſt.
The wife must subject her self to her husband in that manner that she would or should subject her self to Christ.
The former is a neceſſary condition required of all inferiours in their ſubiection, and obedience (as I ſhewed836 before) much more in a wiues ſubiection to her husband, becauſe there is of all vnequals837 the leaſt diſparity betwixt husbands and wiues.
Hence for our preſent purpoſe, I gather theſe two other more particular concluſions, The firſt whereof is this,
Hence for our present purpose, I gather these two other more particular conclusions, The first whereof is this,
1. If God expreſly command the wife any duty, and her huſband will not by any meanes giue conſent that ſhe ſhall doe it, but forbid her, ſhe may and ought to doe it without, or againſt his conſent.
1. If God expressly command the wife any duty, and her husband will not by any means give consent that she shall do it, but forbid her, she may and ought to do it without, or against his consent.
1. That the wife be ſure that God hath commanded her that which ſhe doth without or againſt her husbands conſent. If ſhe doubt, then ſhe muſt ſtay, and for beare till ſhe gaine his conſent. When two oppoſite caſes meet together, and the one be doubtfull, the other plaine and expreſſe: the doubtfull caſe muſt giue place to the more euident. Now the law of ſubiection is indefinite, thy deſire ſhall be ſubiect to thine huſband;839 the extent of it is generall, in euery thing; the only reſeruation and exception is in the Lord; wherefore if the wife p. 327 be not ſure that that which her husband forbiddeth her is againſt the Lord, ſhe muſt forbeare to doe it.
- 839. Gen 3 16.
1. That the wife be sure that God hath commanded her that which she doth without or against her husbands consent. If she doubt, then she must stay, and forbear till she gain his consent. When two opposite cases meet together, and the one be doubtful, the other plain and express: the doubtful case must give place to the more evident. Now the law of subjection is indefinite, thy desire shall be subject to thine husband;839 the extent of it is general, in every thing; the only reservation and exception is in the Lord; wherefore if the wife be not sure that that which her husband forbiddeth her is against the Lord, she must forbear to do it.
- 839. Gen 3:‸16.
The ſecond caution is that ſhe vſe all good meanes ſhe can to gaine her husbands conſent, before ſhe doe, euen that which is commanded, againſt his conſent. Thus ſhall ſhe teſtifie her ſubiection both to God and her husband. To God, in that nothing can keepe her from doing his expreſſe commandement: ſhe will rather offend her husband then God, when one of them muſt needs be offended. To her husband, in that ſhe putteth it to the vttermoſt puſh, and vſeth all the meanes ſhe can to auoid his offence, in ſo much as he himſelfe might ſee (if the god of this world blinded not his eies) that the offence is no way giuen on her part, but meerely taken on his.
The second caution is that she use all good means she can to gain her husbands consent, before she do, even that which is commanded, against his consent. Thus shall she testify her subjection both to God and her husband. To God, in that nothing can keep her from doing his express commandment: she will rather offend her husband then God, when one of them must needs be offended. To her husband, in that she putteth it to the uttermost push, and useth all the means she can to avoid his offence, in so much as he himself might see (if the god of this world blinded not his eyes) that the offence is no way given on her part, but merely taken on his.
For proofe of this, it is without all contradiction true, that the wife is not bound to greater ſubiection vnto her huſband then the ſubiect is vnto the magiſtrate: but a ſubiect ought not to forbeare a bounden duty commanded of God, becauſe his gouernour forbids him. Inſtance the example of Daniel,840 who daily made his praiers to God, though the King had made a ſolemne decree that none ſhould aske any petition of God or man within thirty daies but of the king. Inſtance alſo the Apoſtles,841 who preached the Goſpel, thogh they were expreſly forbiddē.
For proof of this, it is without all contradiction true, that the wife is not bound to greater subjection unto her husband then the subject is unto the magistrate: but a subject ought not to forbear a bounden duty commanded of God, because his governor forbids him. Instance the example of Daniel,840 who daily made his prayers to God, though the King had made a solemn decree that none should ask any petition of God or man within thirty days but of the king. Instance also the Apostles,841 who preached the Gospel, though they were expressly forbidden.
Though the Scripture be plentifull in affording examples of wiues ſubiection, yet it is very ſparing in recording examples of thoſe who in ſuch warrantable caſes refuſed to be ſubiect, leſt wiues from thence ſhould take too great liberty.
Though the Scripture be plentiful in affording examples of wives subjection, yet it is very sparing in recording examples of those who in such warrantable cases refused to be subject, lest wives from thence should take too great liberty.
The example of Rebekah, which may ſeeme ſomewhat more843 pertinent, is not euery way to be iuſtified. For though the thing which ſhe intended were for the ſubſtance of it very good, and ought to haue beene done, namely the bleſſing of Iaakob, (for God foreſhewed that the bleſſing appertained to Iaakob, in that he ſaid, The elder ſhall ſerue the younger) yet844 becauſe ſhe put not her husband in minde of Gods word, nor laboured to perſwade him to fulfill the ſame, but went about the matter deceitfully, ſhe cannot therein be iuſtified. But in p. 328 the generall this example ſheweth that Gods word muſt be yeelded vnto rather then an husbands will.
The example of Rebekah,843 which may seem somewhat more pertinent, is not every way to be justified. For though the thing which she intended were for the substance of it very good, and ought to have been done, namely the blessing of Jacob, (for God foreshowed that the blessing appertained to Jacob, in that he said, The elder shall serve the younger)844 yet because she put not her husband in mind of God’s word, nor laboured to persuade him to fulfill the same, but went about the matter deceitfully, she cannot therein be justified. But in the general this example showeth that God’s word must be yielded unto rather then an husbands will.
For better application of this point I will lay downe ſome particular inſtances agreeable to Gods word. Suppoſe a wife well inſtructed in the true religion be maried to an idolatrous or profane husband, and he without any iuſt cauſe forbid her to goe to the Church, eſpecially on the Lords daies, to pray in Engliſh, to read the word, to teach her children the principles of religion, to reſtore that which ſhe hath vniuſtly and fraudulently gotten, with the like, ſhe may, and muſt doe them notwithſtanding.
For better application of this point I will lay down some particular instances agreeable to God’s word. Suppose a wife well instructed in the true religion be married to an idolatrous or profane husband, and he without any just cause forbid her to go to the Church, especially on the Lord’s days, to pray in English, to read the word, to teach her children the principles of religion, to restore that which she hath unjustly and fraudulently gotten, with the like, she may, and must do them notwithstanding.
Obiect. Why may not giuing of almes be reckoned among theſe?
Object. Why may not giving of alms be reckoned among these?
Anſw. 1. Becauſe the husband hath a greater power ouer the goods, then ouer theſe things.
Answ. 1. Because the husband hath a greater power over the goods, then over these things.
2. Becauſe almes-giuing is not ſimply commanded to all, but to ſuch as haue wherewithall to giue: but theſe things are ſimply commanded to all.
2. Because alms-giving is not simply commanded to all, but to such as have wherewithal to give: but these things are simply commanded to all.
§. 52. Of caſes wherein a wife ought to forbeare what her husband requireth.
§. 52. Of cases wherein a wife ought to forbear what her husband requireth.
The other particular concluſion is this, that
The other particular conclusion is this, that
If an husband require his wife to doe that which God hath forbidden ſhe ought not to doe it.
If an husband require his wife to do that which God hath forbidden she ought not to do it.
Firſt, that ſhe be ſure (being truly informed by Gods word) that that which ſhe refuſeth to doe at her husbands command, is forbidden by God.
First, that she be sure (being truly informed by God’s word) that that which she refuseth to do at her husbands command, is forbidden by God.
Secondly, that ſhe firſt labour with all meekeneſſe and by all good meanes that ſhe can to diſſwade her husband from vrging and preſſing that vpon her, which with a good conſcience ſhe cannot doe.
Secondly, that she first labour with all meekness and by all good means that she can to dissuade her husband from urging and pressing that upon her, which with a good conscience she cannot do.
A like proofe may be brought for this as was for the former: for we know that a wife is not bound vnto greater ſubiection to her husband then a ſonne is vnto a father: but a ſonne may in the caſe propounded forbeare to doe that which his father requireth and commandeth him to doe: inſtance the approued example of Ionathan, who refuſed to bring Dauid846 p. 329 vnto Saul to be ſlaine, though his father commanded him ſo to doe. I might alſo inſtance the ſame in Sauls ſubiects and847 ſeruants, who refuſed to ſlay the Prieſts of the Lord at his command. Though an husband be not reckoned in particular among thoſe to whom we are forbidden to hearken if they848 intice vs to idolatry, yet by the rule of relation he is implied, and by iuſt conſequence gathered from this clauſe, thy friend which is as thine owne ſoule; for who ſo deare as an husband?
A like proof may be brought for this as was for the former: for we know that a wife is not bound unto greater subjection to her husband then a son is unto a father: but a son may in the case propounded forbear to do that which his father requireth and commandeth him to do: instance the approved example of Jonathan, who refused to bring David846 unto Saul to be slain, though his father commanded him so to do. I might also instance the same in Saul’s subjects and847 servants, who refused to slay the Priests of the Lord at his command. Though an husband be not reckoned in particular among those to whom we are forbidden to hearken if they848 entice us to idolatry, yet by the rule of relation he is implied, and by just consequence gathered from this clause, thy friend which is as thine own soul; for who so dear as an husband?
To exemplifie this in ſome particulars as I did the former, If an husband ſhall command his wife to goe to Maſſe, to a ſtage play, to play at dice, to proſtitute her body to vncleannes, to goe gariſhly and whoriſhly attired, to ſell by ſcant weights, ſhort meaſures, or the like, ſhe ought not to doe ſo.
To exemplify this in some particulars as I did the former, If an husband shall command his wife to go to Mass, to a stage play, to play at dice, to prostitute her body to uncleanness, to go garishly and whorishly attired, to sell by scant weights, short measures, or the like, she ought not to do so.
§. 53. Of wiues faults in ſhewing more reſpect to their huſbands then to God.
§. 53. Of wives faults in showing more respect to their husbands then to God.
Contrary to this limitation is on the one ſide a fawning flattering diſpoſition of ſuch wiues as ſeeke to pleaſe their husbands, ſo as they care not to diſpleaſe God, (Iezabel was ſuch an one; to pleaſe her husband moſt lewdly ſhe did849 practiſe Naboths death) and on the other ſide a fainting timorous heart which maketh them feare their husbands more then they feare God. Good Sarah, that worthy preſident of850 good wiues in other things, ſomewhat failed herein. Did wiues duly conſider, and alwaies remember that they haue an husband (namely Chriſt) in heauen, as well as on earth, and that there is greater difference betwixt that and this husband, then betwixt heauen and earth, and that both in giuing reward, and taking reuenge, there is no compariſon betwixt them, their care of pleaſing, or their feare of offending their husband in heauen would be much more then of pleaſing, or offending their husband on earth: if any thing were commanded or forbidden them by their husbands on earth againſt Chriſt, they would ſay, If I doe this, or forbeare that, I ſhould worke falſhood againſt mine owne ſoule; for nothing can be hid from mine husband in heauen: yea I ſhould herein obey Satan, rather then God.
Contrary to this limitation is on the one side a fawning flattering disposition of such wives as seek to please their husbands, so as they care not to displease God, (Jezebel was such an one; to please her husband most lewdly she did849 practise Naboth’s death) and on the other side a fainting timorous heart which maketh them fear their husbands more then they fear God. Good Sarah,850 that worthy precedent of good wives in other things, somewhat failed herein. Did wives duly consider, and always remember that they have an husband (namely Christ) in heaven, as well as on earth, and that there is greater difference betwixt that and this husband, then betwixt heaven and earth, and that both in giving reward, and taking revenge, there is no comparison betwixt them, their care of pleasing, or their fear of offending their husband in heaven would be much more then of pleasing, or offending their husband on earth: if any thing were commanded or forbidden them by their husbands on earth against Christ, they would say, If I do this, or forbear that, I should work falsehood against mine own soul; for nothing can be hid from mine husband in heaven: yea I should herein obey Satan, rather then God.
§. 54. Of the manner of a wiues ſubiection to her husband.
§. 54. Of the manner of a wives subjection to her husband.
The ſecond generall concluſion concerning the manner of a p. 330 wiues ſubiection, which was gathered from the place of an husband, was this, that
The second general conclusion concerning the manner of a wives subjection, which was gathered from the place of an husband, was this, that
The wife muſt ſubiect her ſelfe to her husband in that manner, that ſhe would or ſhould ſubiect her ſelfe to Chriſt. The particle As in this clauſe (as vnto the Lord) importeth ſo much.
The wife must subject her self to her husband in that manner, that she would or should subject her self to Christ. The particle As in this clause (as unto the Lord) importeth so much.
This verie concluſion is alſo inferred out of the place of a wife: In the ſame place that the Church is to Chriſt, a wife is to an husband: therefore ſuch ſubiection as the Church yeeldeth to Chriſt, muſt a wife yeeld to her husband; which the verie words of the Apoſtle doe expreſly affirme. Now we851 know that euerie Chriſtian wife in her particular ought to yeeld that obedience to Chriſt which the Church in generall doth: therefore alſo ſhe muſt yeeld ſuch ſubiection to her huſband as ſhe ſhould to Chriſt.
- 851. Epheſ. 5. 24. [moved in the edition]
This very conclusion is also inferred out of the place of a wife: In the same place that the Church is to Christ, a wife is to an husband: therefore such subjection as the Church yieldeth to Christ, must a wife yield to her husband; which the very words of the Apostle do expressly affirm.851 Now we know that every Christian wife in her particular ought to yield that obedience to Christ which the Church in general doth: therefore also she must yield such subjection to her husband as she should to Christ.
- 851. Eph 5:‸24. [moved here by the editor]
Anſw. Yea: becauſe in his office he is in Chriſts ſtead, though in his heart an enemie. In this caſe will the wiſdome, patience, and obedience of a wife be beſt tried. It is noted of the Church, that ſhe is a Lilly among thornes. She remaineth853 Lilly-like, white, ſoft, pleaſant, amiable, though ſhe be ioyned with thornes, which are ſcraggie, prickly, ſharpe: ſo a wife muſt be milde, meeke, gentle, obedient, though ſhe be matched with a crooked, peruerſe, profane, wicked husband: thus ſhall her vertue and grace ſhine forth the more clearely, euen as the ſtars ſhine forth moſt brightly in the darkeſt night. Among wiues Abigail deſerueth great praiſe, that forgot not her dutie, though ſhe were maried to a churliſh, couetous, drunken ſot, a verie Nabal in name and deed. As for thoſe who take occaſion from the wickedneſſe of their husbands to neglect their dutie, they adde to their croſſe a curſe: for a croſſe it is to haue a bad husband, but to be a bad wife is a ſinne, which pulleth downe a curſe. Let wiues therefore remoue their eyes from the diſpoſition of their husbands perſon, to the condition of his place: and by vertue thereof, ſeeing he beareth Chriſts image, be ſubiect to him as vnto Chriſt.
- 853. Cant. 2. 2. [moved in the edition]
Answ. Yea: because in his office he is in Christ’s stead, though in his heart an enemy. In this case will the wisdom, patience, and obedience of a wife be best tried. It is noted of the Church, that she is a Lilly among thorns.853 She remaineth Lilly-like, white, soft, pleasant, amiable, though she be joined with thorns, which are scraggy, prickly, sharp: so a wife must be mild, meek, gentle, obedient, though she be matched with a crooked, perverse, profane, wicked husband: thus shall her virtue and grace shine forth the more clearly, even as the stars shine forth most brightly in the darkest night. Among wives Abigail deserveth great praise, that forgot not her duty, though she were married to a churlish, covetous, drunken sot, a very Nabal in name and deed. As for those who take occasion from the wickedness of their husbands to neglect their duty, they add to their cross a curse: for a cross it is to have a bad husband, but to be a bad wife is a sin, which pulleth down a curse. Let wives therefore remove their eyes from the disposition of their husbands person, to the condition of his place: and by virtue thereof, seeing he beareth Christ’s image, be subject to him as unto Christ.
- 853. Song 2:‸2. ‸ [moved here by the editor]
This generall concluſion might be applied to the matter of p. 331 ſubiection as well as to the manner, for the Church acknowledgeth Chriſt her ſuperiour, feareth him inwardly, reuerenceth him outwardly, obeyeth him alſo both by forbearing to doe what he forbiddeth, and alſo by doing what he commandeth, which points hauing beene before diſtinctly and largely handled and applied to wiues, I will not repeat them againe. Wherefore now to inſiſt in the manner only, there are foure854 vertues which are eſpecially needfull hereunto, whereby the Church ſeaſoneth her ſubiection to Chriſt, and wiues alſo may and muſt ſeaſon their ſubiection to their husbands.
- 854. Foure graces needfull to ſeaſon a wiues ſubiection.
This general conclusion might be applied to the matter of subjection as well as to the manner, for the Church acknowledgeth Christ her superior, feareth him inwardly, reverenceth him outwardly, obeyeth him also both by forbearing to do what he forbiddeth, and also by doing what he commandeth, which points having been before distinctly and largely handled and applied to wives, I will not repeat them again. Wherefore now to insist in the manner only, there are four854 virtues which are especially needful hereunto, whereby the Church seasoneth her subjection to Christ, and wives also may and must season their subjection to their husbands.
- 854. Four graces needful to season a wives subjection.
Theſe are the foure,
These are the four,
1. Humilitie, 2. Sinceritie, 3. Cheerefulneſſe, 4. Conſtancie.
1. Humility, 2. Sincerity, 3. Cheerfulness, 4. Constancy.
Humility is that grace that keepes one from thinking highly of himſelfe aboue that which is meet: and in regard of that meane conceit which he hath of himſelfe maketh him thinke reuerendly, and highly of others: ſo as if humility be placed in a wiues heart, it will make her thinke better of her husband then of her ſelfe, and ſo make her the more willing to yeeld all ſubiection vnto him. The Apoſtle requireth it of all856 Chriſtians as a generall ſawce to ſeaſon all other duties: but after a peculiar maner is it needfull for inferiours: moſt of all for wiues, becauſe there are857 many prerogatiues appertaining to their place, which may ſoone make them thinke they ought not to be ſubiect, vnleſſe they be humbly minded. That the Church doth herewith ſeaſon her ſubiection, is cleare by the booke of Canticles, where oft ſhe acknowledgeth her owne meanneſſe, and the excellency of her ſpouſe.
Humility is that grace that keeps one from thinking highly of himself above that which is meet: and in regard of that mean conceit which he hath of himself maketh him think reverendly, and highly of others: so as if humility be placed in a wives heart, it will make her think better of her husband then of her self, and so make her the more willing to yield all subjection unto him. The Apostle requireth it of all856 Christians as a general sauce to season all other duties: but after a peculiar manner is it needful for inferiors: most of all for wives, because there are857 many prerogatives appertaining to their place, which may soon make them think they ought not to be subject, unless they be humbly minded. That the Church doth herewith season her subjection, is clear by the book of Canticles, where oft she acknowledgeth her own meanness, and the excellency of her spouse.
Therefore as the Church is humbly ſubiect to Chriſt, ſo let wiues be to their husbands.
Therefore as the Church is humbly subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.
§. 56. Of wiues pride.
§. 56. Of wives pride.
Contrary is pride, which puffeth vp wiues, & maketh them thinke there is no reaſon they ſhould be ſubiect to husbands, they can rule themſelues well enough, yea and rule their huſbands too, as well as their husbands rule them. No more peſtilent vice for an inferiour, then this: it is the cauſe of all rebellion, diſobedience, & diſloyalty: only by pride, commeth contention.858
- 858. Pro. 13. 10.
Contrary is pride, which puffeth up wives, & maketh them think there is no reason they should be subject to husbands, they can rule themselves well enough, yea and rule their husbands too, as well as their husbands rule them. No more pestilent vice for an inferior, then this: it is the cause of all rebellion, disobedience, & disloyalty: only by pride, cometh contention.858
- 858. Prov 13:‸10.
II. Sincerity is that grace that maketh one to be within euen in truth, what without he appeareth to be in ſhew. This is that860 Singleneſſe of heart which is expreſly required of ſeruants, and may be applied to wiues, for indeed it appertaineth to all ſorts. Becauſe it is only diſcerned by the Lord, who is the861 ſearcher of all hearts, it will moue a wife to haue an eye to him in all ſhe doth, and to endeuour to approue her ſelfe to him aboue all: therefore vprightneſſe and walking before God are oft ioyned together: he that is vpright will aſſuredly walke before God, that is, endeuour to approue himſelfe to God, as862 Noah did, and as863 God commanded Abraham to doe.
II. Sincerity is that grace that maketh one to be within even in truth, what without he appeareth to be in show. This is that Singleness of heart860 which is expressly required of servants, and may be applied to wives, for indeed it appertaineth to all sorts. Because it is only discerned by the Lord, who is the searcher of all hearts,861 it will move a wife to have an eye to him in all she doth, and to endeavour to approve her self to him above all: therefore uprightness and walking before God are oft joined together: he that is upright will assuredly walk before God, that is, endeavour to approve himself to God, as Noah862 did, and as863 God commanded Abraham to do.
Though there were no other motiue in the world to moue her to ſubiection, yet for conſcience ſake to Chriſt ſhe ſhould yeeld it.864 S. Peter teſtifieth of holy women, that they truſted in God and were ſubiect to their husbands: implying thereby, that their conſcience to God made them be ſubiect to their huſbands. Was not Sarahs ſubiection ſeaſoned with ſinceritie, when865 within her ſelfe, in her heart ſhe called her husband Lord?
Though there were no other motive in the world to move her to subjection, yet for conscience sake to Christ she should yield it. S. Peter864 testifieth of holy women, that they trusted in God and were subject to their husbands: implying thereby, that their conscience to God made them be subject to their husbands. Was not Sarah’s subjection seasoned with sincerity, when within her self,865 in her heart she called her husband Lord?
1. In their ſubiection euen to their husbands they haue to867 doe with Chriſt, in whoſe roome their husbands ſtand: ſo as, though their husbands who are but men, ſee only the face and outward behauiour, yet Chriſt ſeeth their heart and inward diſpoſition: though their husbands ſee only the things which they doe before their faces, and can heare only of ſuch things as are done before others: yet Chriſt ſeeth and knoweth the things that are done in the moſt ſecret places that can be, when no creature beſide themſelues is priuie thereunto: Now let it be granted that in their outward carriage they giue very good contentment vnto their husbands, and pleaſe them euery way, yet if ſinceritie haue beene wanting, with what face can they appeare before Chriſt? he will take another manner account of them: before Chriſt all their outward complement will ſtand them in no ſtead at all.
- 867. 1 Becauſe wiues haue to doe with Chriſt.
1. In their subjection even to their husbands they have to867 do with Christ, in whose room their husbands stand: so as, though their husbands who are but men, see only the face and outward behaviour, yet Christ seeth their heart and inward disposition: though their husbands see only the things which they do before their faces, and can hear only of such things as are done before others: yet Christ seeth and knoweth the things that are done in the most secret places that can be, when no creature beside themselves is privy thereunto: Now let it be granted that in their outward carriage they give very good contentment unto their husbands, and please them every way, yet if sincerity have been wanting, with what face can they appear before Christ? He will take another manner account of them: before Christ all their outward complement will stand them in no stead at all.
- 867. 1. Because wives have to do with Christ.
p. 333 2. Herein lyeth a maine difference betwixt true, Chriſtian,868 religious wiues, and meere naturall women: theſe may be ſubiect on by-reſpects, as namely, that their husbands may the more loue them, or liue the more quietly and peaceably with them, or that they may the more readily obtaine what they deſire at their husbands hands, or for feare of their husbands diſpleaſure and wrath, knowing him to be an angry, furious man, ſo as otherwiſe it might be worſe with them, they might want many needfull things, or carry away many ſore blowes if they were not ſubiect. But the other haue reſpect to Chriſts ordinance, whereby their husbands are made their head, and to his word and will, whereby they are commanded ſubiection. Thus869 holy women ſubiected themſelues; they cannot be holy that doe not thus ſubiect themſelues: for this is a ſweet perfume that ſendeth forth a good ſauour into Chriſts noſtrils, and maketh the things we doe pleaſant and acceptable to him.
2. Herein lieth a main difference betwixt true, Christian,868 religious wives, and mere natural women: these may be subject on by-respects, as namely, that their husbands may the more love them, or live the more quietly and peaceably with them, or that they may the more readily obtain what they desire at their husbands hands, or for fear of their husbands displeasure and wrath, knowing him to be an angry, furious man, so as otherwise it might be worse with them, they might want many needful things, or carry away many sore blows if they were not subject. But the other have respect to Christ’s ordinance, whereby their husbands are made their head, and to his word and will, whereby they are commanded subjection. Thus869 holy women subjected themselves; they cannot be holy that do not thus subject themselves: for this is a sweet perfume that sendeth forth a good savour into Christ’s nostrils, and maketh the things we do pleasant and acceptable to him.
To her husband, in that it will make her manifeſt her reſpect of him before others, behinde his backe, as well as before himſelfe in his preſence: and alſo will make her faithfull to him, and carefull to doe his will whereſoeuer he be, with her, or from her.
To her husband, in that it will make her manifest her respect of him before others, behind his back, as well as before himself in his presence: and also will make her faithful to him, and careful to do his will wheresoever he be, with her, or from her.
To her ſelfe, in that it will miniſter inward ſweet comfort vnto her, though her husband ſhould take no notice of her ſubiection, or mif-interpret it, or ill requite it; for ſhe might ſay as Hezekiah did,871 Remember ô Lord how I haue walked before thee in truth, and with a perfect heart, and haue done that which is good in thy ſight.
- 871. Iſa. 38. 3. [moved in the edition]
To her self, in that it will minister inward sweet comfort unto her, though her husband should take no notice of her subjection, or mis-interpret it, or ill requite it; for she might say as Hezekiah did, Remember ô Lord how I have walked before thee in truth, and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight.871
- 871. Isa‸ 38:‸3. [moved here by the editor]
That the Church doth ſeaſon all her ſubiection with ſinceritie is cleare, in that ſhe is ſaid to be872 all glorious within: (there is no glory within, without ſinceritie) and in that ſhe is oft ſaid873 to ſeeke him whom her ſoule loued: if her ſoule loued him, in ſinceritie of heart ſhe was ſubiect to him: Therefore as the Church is ſincerely ſubiect to Chriſt, ſo let wiues be to their huſbands.
That the Church doth season all her subjection with sincerity is clear, in that she is said to be all glorious within:872 (there is no glory within, without sincerity) and in that she is oft said to seek him whom her soul loved:873 if her soul loved him, in sincerity of heart she was subject to him: Therefore as the Church is sincerely subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.
§. 58. Of wiues complementall ſubiection.
§. 58. Of wives complemental subjection.
Contrary to ſinceritie is diſſimulation, and meere outward, complementall ſubiection: when a wife doth euen deſpiſe her husband in her heart, as Michal did Dauid and yet carry a faire874 face before him, as that adulterous woman, who eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and ſaith I haue not committed iniquitie. Salomon maketh it a note of a lewd wife to flatter with her words.875 Though ſuch a wife ſhould performe all the duties named before, yet would thoſe all be nothing to God, if they were done with a double heart, and not in ſingleneſſe of heart. For as many outward imperfections are pardoned by God, where ſinceritie is, ſo no outward actions are accepted of him though they ſeeme neuer ſo faire, where there is no ſinceritie.
Contrary to sincerity is dissimulation, and mere outward, complemental subjection: when a wife doth even despise her husband in her heart, as Michal did David874 and yet carry a fair face before him, as that adulterous woman, who eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith I have not committed iniquity. Solomon maketh it a note of a lewd wife to flatter with her words.875 Though such a wife should perform all the duties named before, yet would those all be nothing to God, if they were done with a double heart, and not in singleness of heart. For as many outward imperfections are pardoned by God, where sincerity is, so no outward actions are accepted of him though they seem never so fair, where there is no sincerity.
III. Cheerefulneſſe is more apparant then ſinceritie, and maketh ſubiection the more pleaſing not only to God, but alſo to man, who by the effects thereof may eaſily diſcerne it.
- 876. Treat. 4. §. 65, 74. [moved in the edition]
III. Cheerfulness is more apparent then sincerity, and maketh subjection the more pleasing not only to God, but also to man, who by the effects thereof may easily discern it.
- 876. Treat. 4. §. 65, 74. [moved here by the editor]
For men, it maketh them alſo much better accept any dutie when they obſerue it to be done cheerefully: this did euen rauiſh Dauid with ioy, to ſee his people offer their gifts willingly878 vnto the Lord: when an husband ſeeth his wife willingly and cheerefully performe her dutie, it cannot but raiſe vp loue in him. This cheerefulneſſe is manifeſted by a ready, quicke, and ſpeedy performance of her duty. Sarahs readineſſe to obey,879 ſheweth that what ſhe did, ſhe did willingly.
For men, it maketh them also much better accept any duty when they observe it to be done cheerfully: this did even ravish David with joy, to see his people offer their gifts willingly878 unto the Lord: when an husband seeth his wife willingly and cheerfully perform her duty, it cannot but raise up love in him. This cheerfulness is manifested by a ready, quick, and speedy performance of her duty. Sarah’s readiness to obey,879 showeth that what she did, she did willingly.
§. 60. Of wiues ſullen and forced obedience.
§. 60. Of wives sullen and forced obedience.
Contrary to this cheerefulneſſe is the ſullen diſpoſition of ſome wiues, who will indeed be ſubiect to their husbands, and obey, but with ſuch a lowring and ſowre countenance, p. 335 with ſuch powting and muttering, as they grieue their huſbands more in the manner, then they can be pleaſed with the thing it ſelfe that they doe: herein they ſhew themſelues like to a curſt cow, which hauing giuen a faire ſoape of milke, caſteth all downe with her heele, and ſo verifie the prouerbe, A good neuer a whit as neuer the better. Such ſubiection is in truth no ſubiection, it can neither be acceptable to God, nor profitable to their husbands, nor comfortable to their owne ſoules.
Contrary to this cheerfulness is the sullen disposition of some wives, who will indeed be subject to their husbands, and obey, but with such a louring and sour countenance, with such pouting and muttering, as they grieve their husbands more in the manner, then they can be pleased with the thing it self that they do: herein they show themselves like to a curst cow, which having given a fair soap of milk, casteth all down with her heel, and so verify the proverb, As good never a whit as never the better. Such subjection is in truth no subjection, it can neither be acceptable to God, nor profitable to their husbands, nor comfortable to their own souls.
IIII. Conſtancy is a vertue which maketh all the reſt perfect, and ſetteth the crowne vpon them; without which they are all nothing. This is in thoſe who after they haue begun well, continue to doe well vnto the end, and thereby reape the fruit of all. It hath reſpect both to continuance without intermiſſion, and alſo to perſeuerance without reuolting, and giuing cleane ouer. So as it is not enough to be ſubiect by ſtarts and fits: one while yeelding all good obedience, another while ſtout and rebellious: neither is it ſufficient in former times to haue beene a good wife, and after proue bad: but there muſt be daily proceeding and holding on from time to time, ſo long as husband and wife liue together. This grace was in her of whom it is ſaid, She will doe him good, and not euill all the daies of her life. Such were all the holy wiues commended in Scripture: among other particulars, mention is made of the wife of Phinehas, who on her death-bed ſhewed the reuerend882 good reſpect ſhe bare to her husband, though he were a wicked and lewd man. This grace doth the Church adde to all her other vertues, ſhe in all parts of her ſubiection remaineth conſtant, & faithfull vnto the death, whereby it commeth to paſſe, that at length ſhe receiueth the reward of her holy obedience, which is full and perfect communion and fellowſhip with her ſpouſe Chriſt Ieſus in heauen. In regard of her vnmoueable conſtancy it is ſaid, that the gates of hell ſhall neuer preuaile againſt883 her. Therefore as the Church is conſtantly ſubiect vnto Chriſt, ſo let wiues be to their husbands.
IIII. Constancy is a virtue which maketh all the rest perfect, and setteth the crown upon them; without which they are all nothing. This is in those who after they have begun well, continue to do well unto the end, and thereby reap the fruit of all. It hath respect both to continuance without intermission, and also to perseverance without revolting, and giving clean over. So as it is not enough to be subject by starts and fits: one while yielding all good obedience, another while stout and rebellious: neither is it sufficient in former times to have been a good wife, and after prove bad: but there must be daily proceeding and holding on from time to time, so long as husband and wife live together. This grace was in her of whom it is said, She will do him good, and not evil all the days of her life. Such were all the holy wives commended in Scripture: among other particulars, mention is made of the wife of Phinehas,882 who on her death-bed showed the reverend good respect she bare to her husband, though he were a wicked and lewd man. This grace doth the Church add to all her other virtues, she in all parts of her subjection remaineth constant, & faithful unto the death, whereby it cometh to pass, that at length she receiveth the reward of her holy obedience, which is full and perfect communion and fellowship with her spouse Christ Jesus in heaven. In regard of her unmoveable constancy it is said, that the gates of hell shall never prevail against883 her. Therefore as the Church is constantly subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.
§. 62. Of wiues repenting their former goodneſſe.884
§. 62. Of wives repenting their former goodness.884
Contrary to this Conſtancie is firſt intermiſſion of duty, a returning p. 336 to it, and a leauing it off by turnes: like one that is ſicke of an ague, ſometimes well, ſometimes ill, one while hot, another while cold. That ſometimes ceaſing taketh away all the vertue, grace and glory, from ſometimes doing. Beſides, it is twenty to one that through the corruption of nature, that diuerſitie and entercourſe of fits at length will ceaſe, and end in the worſe. It is very likely that Michal was ſuch an one: for one while ſhe ſhewed her ſelfe ſo full of reſpect to Dauid, as885 for his ſake ſhe incurred the King her fathers diſpleaſure: another while in her heart ſhe deſpiſed him, and with her tongue886 taunted him.
Contrary to this Constancy is first intermission of duty, a returning to it, and a leaving it off by turns: like one that is sick of an ague, sometimes well, sometimes ill, one while hot, another while cold. That sometimes ceasing taketh away all the virtue, grace and glory, from sometimes doing. Besides, it is twenty to one that through the corruption of nature, that diversity and intercourse of fits at length will cease, and end in the worse. It is very likely that Michal was such an one: for one while she showed her self so full of respect to David, as885 for his sake she incurred the King her fathers displeasure: another while in her heart she despised him, and with her tongue886 taunted him.
Contrary alſo to the forenamed Conſtancy is Apoſtaſie,887 that is, a cleane relinquiſhing of the former good courſe, as if a wife repented her of her former good beginning. Such an one is ſhe that is ſaid to for ſake the guide of her youth, and forget the888 couenant of her God. For ought we reade to the contrary, Iobs wife was ſuch an one. And ſuch are many who in their younger yeares, while their religious parents liued (as Ioaſh while889 old good Iehoiada liued) haue behaued themſelues very well like good dutifull wiues, but being grown to elder yeeres, haue growne alſo ſo ſtout and rebellious, as if they cleane repented themſelues of their former good beginning. This reuolt ariſeth ſometimes from the euill counſell of wicked Goſſips, and ſometimes from their owne proud humour. I may ſay of theſe wiues ſubiection, as the Prophet ſaith of the righteouſneſſe of reuolters,890 their ſubiection ſhall not be remembred, but in their rebellion they ſhall die. Therefore as the Church is ſubiect to Chriſt, let wiues be to their husbands.
Contrary also to the forenamed Constancy is Apostasy,887 that is, a clean relinquishing of the former good course, as if a wife repented her of her former good beginning. Such an one is she that is said to forsake the guide of her youth, and forget the888 covenant of her God. For ought we read to the contrary, Job’s wife was such an one. And such are many who in their younger years, while their religious parents lived (as Joash889 while old good Jehoiada lived) have behaved themselves very well like good dutiful wives, but being grown to elder years, have grown also so stout and rebellious, as if they clean repented themselves of their former good beginning. This revolt ariseth sometimes from the evil counsel of wicked Gossips, and sometimes from their own proud humour. I may say of these wives subjection, as the Prophet saith of the righteousness of revolters,890 their subjection shall not be remembered, but in their rebellion they shall die. Therefore as the Church is subject to Christ, let wives be to their husbands.
The extent of a wiues ſubiection (which remaineth now to be handled) is ſet downe vnder theſe generall termes (in euery thing) which are not ſo generally to be taken as if they admitted no reſtraint or limitation, for then would they contradict ſuch cautions as theſe, in the feare of the Lord, as to the Lord, in892 the Lord. For man is ſo corrupt by nature, and of ſo peruerſe a diſpoſition, that oft he willeth and commandeth that which is contrary to Gods will and commandement: which when he p. 337 doth, that Chriſtian principle laid downe as a ruled caſe by the Apoſtle muſt take place, we ought rather to obey God then men.893
The extent of a wives subjection (which remaineth now to be handled) is set down under these general terms (in every thing)892 which are not so generally to be taken as if they admitted no restraint or limitation, for then would they contradict such cautions as these, in the fear of the Lord, as to the Lord, in the Lord. For man is so corrupt by nature, and of so perverse a disposition, that oft he willeth and commandeth that which is contrary to God’s will and commandment: which when he doth, that Christian principle laid down as a ruled case by the Apostle must take place, we ought rather to obey God then men.893
Queſt. Why then is this extent laid downe in ſuch generall termes?
Quest. Why then is this extent laid down in such general terms?
Anſw. 1. To teach wiues that it is not ſufficient for them to obey their husbands in ſome things, as they themſelues thinke meet, but in all things whatſoeuer they be wherein the husband by vertue of his ſuperioritie and authoritie hath power to command his wife. Thus this generall extent excludeth not Gods will, but the wiues will. Shee may doe nothing againſt Gods will; but many things muſt ſhe doe againſt her owne will if her husband require her.
Answ. 1. To teach wives that it is not sufficient for them to obey their husbands in some things, as they themselves think meet, but in all things whatsoever they be wherein the husband by virtue of his superiority and authority hath power to command his wife. Thus this general extent excludeth not God’s will, but the wives will. She may do nothing against God’s will; but many things must she do against her own will if her husband require her.
2. To ſhew that the husbands authoritie and power is very large: it hath no reſtraint but Gods contrary command, whereof if a wife be not aſſured, ſhe muſt yeeld to her husbands will.
2. To show that the husbands authority and power is very large: it hath no restraint but God’s contrary command, whereof if a wife be not assured, she must yield to her husbands will.
§. 64. Of a wiues894 labouring to bring her iudgement to the bent of her husbands.
§. 64. Of a wives labouring to bring her judgment to the bent of her husbands.*
From that extent I gather theſe two concluſions:
- 894. Treat. 4. §. 28, 29. [moved in the edition]
From that extent I gather these two conclusions:
- 894. Treat. 4. §. 28, 29. [moved here by the editor]
1. A wife muſt labour to bring her iudgement and will to her husbands.
1. A wife must labour to bring her judgment and will to her husbands.
2. Though in her iudgement ſhe cannot thinke that moſt meet which her husband requireth, yet ſhe muſt yeeld to it in practiſe.
2. Though in her judgment she cannot think that most meet which her husband requireth, yet she must yield to it in practise.
In the former of theſe, I ſay not ſimply that a wife is bound to bring her iudgement to the bent of her husbands; for he may be deceiued in his iudgement, and ſhe may ſee his error, and then vnleſſe her vnderſtanding ſhould be blinded, ſhe cannot conceiue that to be true which he iudgeth ſo: but I ſpeake of endeuour (when ſhe hath not ſure and vndeniable grounds to the contrary) to ſuſpect her iudgement when its contrary to her husbands, and to thinke ſhe may be in an error, and thereupon not be too peremptory and reſolute in contradicting her husbands opinion. This ſubmiſſion euen of her iudgement reſpecteth not only things neceſſarie, for which her husband hath an expreſſe determinate warrant out of the Scripture, but alſo things doubtfull & indifferent: for euen ſo farre doth this clauſe (in euery thing) extend: and the ſubiection of a wife reſpecteth not her practiſe only, but her iudgement and opinion alſo: which if ſhe can bring to the lawfulneſſe and meetneſſe of that which her husband requireth, p. 338 ſhe will much more cheerefully performe it. To this purpoſe (as I take it) may be applied that exhortation of the Apoſtle vnto women, that they learne in ſilence with all ſubiection:895 which though it be principally meant of learning in the Church, yet it excludeth not her learning at home of her husband: for in the next words he addeth, I ſuffer not a woman to vſurpe authoritie ouer the man, but to be in ſilence.
- 895. 1 Tim. 2. 11.
In the former of these, I say not simply that a wife is bound to bring her judgment to the bent of her husbands; for he may be deceived in his judgment, and she may see his error, and then unless her understanding should be blinded, she cannot conceive that to be true which he judgeth so: but I speak of endeavour (when she hath not sure and undeniable grounds to the contrary) to suspect her judgment when it’s contrary to her husbands, and to think she may be in an error, and thereupon not be too peremptory and resolute in contradicting her husbands opinion. This submission even of her judgment respecteth not only things necessary, for which her husband hath an express determinate warrant out of the Scripture, but also things doubtful & indifferent: for even so far doth this clause (in every thing) extend: and the subjection of a wife respecteth not her practise only, but her judgment and opinion also: which if she can bring to the lawfulness and meetness of that which her husband requireth, she will much more cheerfully perform it. To this purpose (as I take it) may be applied that exhortation of the Apostle unto women, that they learn in silence with all subjection:895 which though it be principally meant of learning in the Church, yet it excludeth not her learning at home of her husband: for in the next words he addeth, I suffer not a woman to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
- 895. 1 Tim‸ 2:‸11.
§. 65. Of wiues ouerweening conceit of their owne wiſdome.
§. 65. Of wives overweening conceit of their own wisdom.
Contrary is the preſumption of ſuch wiues as thinke themſelues wifer then their husbands, and able better to iudge matters then they can. I denie not but that a wife may haue more vnderſtanding then her husband: for ſome men are very ignorant and blockiſh; and on the other ſide, ſome women well inſtructed, who thereby haue attained to a great meaſure of knowledge, and diſcretion; but many though they haue husbands of ſufficient and good vnderſtanding, wife and diſcreet men, yet thinke that that which they haue once conceiued to be a truth, muſt needs be ſo: and ſuch is their peremptorineſſe, that they wil not be brought to thinke that they may erre: but ſay they will neuer be brought to thinke otherwiſe then they doe, though all the husbands in the world ſhould be of another opinion: not much vnlike to the Wiſemans foole, who thinketh himſelfe wiſer then ſeuen men896 that can render a reaſon.
- 896. Pro. 26. 16.
Contrary is the presumption of such wives as think themselves wiser then their husbands, and able better to judge matters then they can. I deny not but that a wife may have more understanding then her husband: for some men are very ignorant and blockish; and on the other side, some women well instructed, who thereby have attained to a great measure of knowledge, and discretion; but many though they have husbands of sufficient and good understanding, wise and discreet men, yet think that that which they have once conceived to be a truth, must needs be so: and such is their peremptoriness, that they will not be brought to think that they may err: but say they will never be brought to think otherwise then they do, though all the husbands in the world should be of another opinion: not much unlike to the Wiseman’s fool, who thinketh himself wiser then seven men896 that can render a reason.
- 896. Prov 26:‸16.
§. 66. Of a wiues897 yeelding to her husband in ſuch things as ſhe thinketh not to be the meet eſt.
§. 66. Of a wives yielding to her husband in such things as she thinketh not to be the meetest.*
The latter concluſion concerning a wiues yeelding in practiſe to that which her husband requireth, though ſhe cannot bring her iudgement to thinke as he doth about the meetneſſe of it,898 hath reſpect to indifferent things, namely, to ſuch as are neither in their particulars commanded, nor forbidden by God: as the outward affaires of the houſe, ordering it, diſpoſing goods, entertaining gueſts, &c.
The latter conclusion concerning a wives yielding in practise to that which her husband requireth, though she cannot bring her judgment to think as he doth about the meetness of it,898 hath respect to indifferent things, namely, to such as are neither in their particulars commanded, nor forbidden by God: as the outward affairs of the house, ordering it, disposing goods, entertaining guests, etc‸.
Queſt. May ſhe not reaſon with her husband about ſuch matters as ſhe thinketh vnmeet, and labour to perſwade her husband not to perſiſt in the preſſing thereof, yea endeuour to bring her husband to ſee the vnmeetneſſe (as ſhe thinketh) of that which ſhe ſeeth?
Quest. May she not reason with her husband about such matters as she thinketh unmeet, and labour to persuade her husband not to persist in the pressing thereof, yea endeavour to bring her husband to see the unmeetness (as she thinketh) of that which she seeth?
Anſw. With modeſty, humilitie, and reuerence, ſhe may ſo p. 339 doe: and he ought to hearken vnto her, as the husband of the Shunemite did, 2. King. 4. 23, 24. but yet, if notwithſtanding all that ſhe can ſay, he perſiſt in his reſolution, and will haue it done, ſhe muſt yeeld.
Answ. With modesty, humility, and reverence, she may so do: and he ought to hearken unto her, as the husband of the Shunammite did, 2‸ Kgs 4:‸23, 24. But yet, if notwithstanding all that she can say, he persist in his resolution, and will have it done, she must yield.
Firſt, her ſubiection is moſt manifeſted in ſuch caſes: herein ſhe apparantly ſheweth, that what ſhe doth, ſhe doth in reſpect of her husbands place, and power: were it not for that, ſhe would not doe it. Other things are not ſo euident proofes of her ſubiection to her husband: for if he command her to doe that which God hath expreſly commanded, and ſo ſhe ought to doe it, whether her husband commanded it or no, it may be thought ſhe doth it on Gods command, and not on her husbands. If her husband command her to doe that which God hath expreſly forbidden, then ought ſhe by no meanes to yeeld vnto it: if ſhe doe, it may rather be termed a ioint conſpiracie of husband and wife together againſt Gods will (as S. Peter ſaid to Sapphira the wife of Ananias, How is it that ye haue agreed together to tempt the899 ſpirit of the Lord?) then ſubiection to the image of God in her husband.
- 899. Acts 5. 9.
First, her subjection is most manifested in such cases: herein she apparently showeth, that what she doth, she doth in respect of her husbands place, and power: were it not for that, she would not do it. Other things are not so evident proofs of her subjection to her husband: for if he command her to do that which God hath expressly commanded, and so she ought to do it, whether her husband commanded it or no, it may be thought she doth it on God’s command, and not on her husbands. If her husband command her to do that which God hath expressly forbidden, then ought she by no means to yield unto it: if she do, it may rather be termed a joint conspiracy of husband and wife together against God’s will (as S. Peter said to Sapphira the wife of Ananias, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the899 spirit of the Lord?) then subjection to the image of God in her husband.
- 899. Acts 5:‸9.
Secondly, her yeelding in indifferent things tendeth much to the peace of the family, as ſubiects yeelding to their Magiſtrates in ſuch caſes maketh much to the peace of the Common wealth. For in differencies and diſſentions one ſide muſt yeeld, or elſe great miſchiefe is like to follow: now of the two, who ſhould yeeld but the inferiour?
Secondly, her yielding in indifferent things tendeth much to the peace of the family, as subjects yielding to their Magistrates in such cases maketh much to the peace of the common wealth. For in differences and dissensions one side must yield, or else great mischief is like to follow: now of the two, who should yield but the inferior?
§. 67. Of wiues making their owne will their law.
§. 67. Of wives making their own will their law.
Contrary is the cuſtome of many wiues, who neuer will doe any more then they themſelues thinke meet, though their huſbands require it neuer ſo much: ſurely they come farre ſhort of this Apoſtolicall extent (in euery thing) though in their own eies they may ſeeme to be very much ſubiect. But when wiues will no further be ſubiect, then their owne iudgments, wils and affections concurre with their husbands, what can be thought but that they are ſubiect rather to their owne wils, then to the will of their husbands? Many ſuch wiues, from the leaſt difference in iudgement & opiniō, euen in the ſmalleſt matters, take occaſion to refuſe ſubiection, and thinke they haue warrant enough ſo to doe: whence oftentimes there ariſeth much contention, the fault whereof lieth p. 340 eſpecially on the wiues necke, though the occaſion may ariſe from the husband: and I thinke that wiues themſelues would ſo iudge of the like caſes betwixt them and their children.
Contrary is the custom of many wives, who never will do any more then they themselves think meet, though their husbands require it never so much: surely they come far short of this Apostolical extent (in every thing) though in their own eyes they may seem to be very much subject. But when wives will no further be subject, then their own judgments, wills and affections concur with their husbands, what can be thought but that they are subject rather to their own wills, then to the will of their husbands? Many such wives, from the least difference in judgment & opinion, even in the smallest matters, take occasion to refuse subjection, and think they have warrant enough so to do: whence oftentimes there ariseth much contention, the fault whereof lieth especially on the wives neck, though the occasion may arise from the husband: and I think that wives themselves would so judge of the like cases betwixt them and their children.
§. 68. Of care in chooſing ſuch husbands as wiues may without900 griefe be ſubiect vnto.
§. 68. Of care in choosing such husbands as wives may without grief be subject unto.900
Obiect. If the caſe be ſuch betwixt man and wife, it is not good to marry.
Object. If the case be such betwixt man and wife, it is not good to marry.
Anſw. This is no good inference; for all the ſeeming hardneſſe of a wiues caſe is in the lewdneſſe of an husband, who abuſeth his place and power: and not in that ſubiection which is required by God. For if an husband carry himſelfe to his wife as901 God requireth, ſhe will finde her yoke to be eaſie, and her ſubiection a great benefit euen vnto her ſelfe. Wherefore I would exhort parties that are vnmaried, whether maidens or widowes, to be very carefull in their choiſe of husbands: and in their choiſe to reſpect aboue all, their good qualities and conditions, therein bearing the image of Chriſt, as well as in their office, and authoritie: ſo as their wiues may with ioy and comfort, not with griefe and anguiſh, be ſubiect vnto them: then will ſubiection proue a vexation, when the husband is an ignorant, profane, idolatrous, worldly, wicked man: wiues of ſuch husbands are oft brought into many ſtraits. Ye widowes and maidens who are free, be not too free and forward in giuing your conſent to whom you know not: among other motiues, oft thinke of this point of ſubiection, to which all wiues are bound: this I ſay, both of the ſeuerall branches, and alſo of the extent thereof. After you are maried it is in vaine to thinke of freedome from ſubiection. By taking husbands, and giuing your ſelues to be wiues, you binde your ſelues to the law of the man, as long as he liueth. Then as you deſire to be accepted of God, and to finde mercy and comfort from him, you muſt beare this yoke, how heauy and grieuous ſoeuer it ſeeme to be.
Answ. This is no good inference; for all the seeming hardness of a wives case is in the lewdness of an husband, who abuseth his place and power: and not in that subjection which is required by God. For if an husband carry himself to his wife as901 God requireth, she will find her yoke to be easy, and her subjection a great benefit even unto her self. Wherefore I would exhort parties that are unmarried, whether maidens or widows, to be very careful in their choice of husbands: and in their choice to respect above all, their good qualities and conditions, therein bearing the image of Christ, as well as in their office, and authority: so as their wives may with joy and comfort, not with grief and anguish, be subject unto them: then will subjection prove a vexation, when the husband is an ignorant, profane, idolatrous, worldly, wicked man: wives of such husbands are oft brought into many straits. Ye widows and maidens who are free, be not too free and forward in giving your consent to whom you know not: among other motives, oft think of this point of subjection, to which all wives are bound: this I say, both of the several branches, and also of the extent thereof. After you are married it is in vain to think of freedom from subjection. By taking husbands, and giving your selves to be wives, you bind your selves to the law of the man, as long as he liveth. Then as you desire to be accepted of God, and to find mercy and comfort from him, you must bear this yoke, how heavy and grievous soever it seem to be.
§. 69. Of the reaſons to moue wiues to doe their duties.
§. 69. Of the reasons to move wives to do their duties.
Hitherto of wiues duties: The reaſons noted by the Apoſtle to enforce thoſe duties now follow. They are laid downe in theſe words.
Hitherto of wives duties: The reasons noted by the Apostle to enforce those duties now follow. They are laid down in these words.
EPHES. 5. 22.—As vnto the Lord.
Eph 5:‸22.‸ —As unto the Lord.
Verſ. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, euen as Chriſt is the head of the Church: and he is the Sauiour of the bodie.
Verse 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and he is the Saviour of the body.
Verſ. 24. Wherefore as the Church is ſubiect, &c.
Verse 24. Wherefore as the Church is subject, etc‸.
THe maine ground of all the reaſons which the Apoſtle here intimateth, is taken from the place wherin God hath ſet an husband, which is firſt by conſequence implied in theſe words, as to the Lord: and then more plainly and directly expreſſed in theſe, the husband is the head of the wife. The particle prefixed before theſe words (for) being a cauſall coniunction, doth ſhew, that they are here ſet downe as a reaſon, which is firſt propounded vnder a metaphor (head) and then amplified by that reſemblance which an husband hath therein vnto Chriſt (euen as Chriſt, &c.) which reſemblance is further commended by the vertue and benefit that proceedeth from the head-ſhip of Chriſt properly, and of an husband alſo by conſequence, in theſe words (and is the Sauiour of the bodie.) Vpon an husbands reſemblance vnto Chriſt, he inferreth that a wife ſhould haue a reſemblance vnto the Church, and ſo concludeth, Therefore as the Church is in ſubiection to Chriſt, ſo let wiues be to their husbands.
The main ground of all the reasons which the Apostle here intimateth, is taken from the place wherein God hath set an husband, which is first by consequence implied in these words, as to the Lord: and then more plainly and directly expressed in these, the husband is the head of the wife. The particle prefixed before these words (for) being a causal conjunction, doth show, that they are here set down as a reason, which is first propounded under a metaphor (head) and then amplified by that resemblance which an husband hath therein unto Christ (even as Christ, etc‸.) which resemblance is further commended by the virtue and benefit that proceedeth from the head-ship of Christ properly, and of an husband also by consequence, in these words (and is the Saviour of the body.) Upon an husbands resemblance unto Christ, he inferreth that a wife should have a resemblance unto the Church, and so concludeth, Therefore as the Church is in subjection to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.
Out of the forenamed ground of a wiues ſubiection, and the ſeuerall amplifications thereof, and the inference thereupon made, fiue ſeuerall and diſtinct reaſons may be gathered to enforce a wines ſubiection to her husband.
Out of the forenamed ground of a wives subjection, and the several amplifications thereof, and the inference thereupon made, five several and distinct reasons may be gathered to enforce a wives subjection to her husband.
The firſt is taken from an husbands place: he is in the Lords ſtead to his wife (as to the Lord.)
The first is taken from an husbands place: he is in the Lord’s stead to his wife (as to the Lord.)
The ſecond from his office: he is an head to his wife.
The second from his office: he is an head to his wife.
The chird from the image he beareth, or from the reſemblance betwixt him and Chriſt (euen as Chriſt &c.)
The third from the image he beareth, or from the resemblance betwixt him and Christ (even as Christ etc‸.)
p. 342 The fourth from the benefit that his wife receiueth from him (he is the Sauiour &c.)
The fourth from the benefit that his wife receiveth from him (he is the Saviour etc‸.)
The fift from the example and patterne of the Church (as the Church is in ſubiection, &c.)
The fifth from the example and pattern of the Church (as the Church is in subjection, etc‸.)
§ 70. Of an husbands place.
§. 70. Of an husbands place.
The place wherein God hath ſet an husband as it ſerueth902 to direct a wife in the manner of her ſubiection, whereof I haue ſpoken903 before, ſo alſo it ſerueth to moue a wife to yeeld ſuch ſubiection as is required: which will euidently appeare by theſe two concluſions following from thence.
1. A wife by ſubiecting her ſelfe to her husband, therein is ſubiect vnto Chriſt.
1. A wife by subjecting her self to her husband, therein is subject unto Christ.
2. A wife by refuſing to be ſubiect vnto her husband, therein refuſeth to be ſubiect vnto Chriſt.
2. A wife by refusing to be subject unto her husband, therein refuseth to be subject unto Christ.
That theſe two concluſions are rightly and iuſtly gathered from the forenamed ground I proue by like concluſions which the holy Ghoſt inferreth vpon the like ground. It is euident that Chriſt Ieſus, euen incarnat and made fleſh, was in the roome and ſtead of his father, whereupon Chriſt ſaid to Philip that deſired to ſee the father, he that hath ſeene me hath ſeene the father: Now marke what Chriſt thence inferreth both on904 the one ſide (he that receiueth me receiueth him that ſent me) and on the other (he that honoureth not the ſonne, honoureth not the father that ſent him.) It is alſo euident that Miniſters of the Goſpell ſtand in the roome and ſtead of Chriſt: for thus ſaith the Apoſtle of himſelfe and other Miniſters, we are ambaſſadors for Chriſt, as though God did beſeech you by vs, we pray you in Chriſts ſtead, &c. Now marke againe the concluſions inferred thereupon by Chriſt, on the one ſide, he that heareth905 you, heareth me, and on the other, he that deſpiſeth you, deſpiſeth me. On this ground it was that God ſaid to Samuel concerning the people that reiected his gouernment, they haue not caſt thee away, but they haue caſt me away.906
That these two conclusions are rightly and justly gathered from the forenamed ground I prove by like conclusions which the Holy Ghost inferreth upon the like ground. It is evident that Christ Jesus, even incarnate and made flesh, was in the room and stead of his father, whereupon Christ said to Philip that desired to see the father, he that hath seen me hath seen the father:904 Now mark what Christ thence inferreth both on the one side (he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me) and on the other (he that honoureth not the son, honoureth not the father that sent him.) It is also evident that Ministers of the Gospel stand in the room and stead of Christ: for thus saith the Apostle of himself and other Ministers, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ’s stead, etc‸. Now mark again the conclusions inferred thereupon by Christ, on the one side, he that heareth905 you, heareth me, and on the other, he that despiseth you, despiseth me. On this ground it was that God said to Samuel concerning the people that rejected his government, they have not cast thee away, but they have cast me away.906
To apply this reaſon, I hope ſuch wiues as liue vnder the Goſpell haue ſo much religion and piety in them as to acknowledge, it becommeth them well to be ſubiect vnto the Lord Chriſt Ieſus: here then learne one eſpeciall and principall part of ſubiection vnto Chriſt, which is to be ſubiect p. 343 vnto your husbands: thus ſhall you ſhew your ſelues to be the wiues of the Lord Chriſt, as the Apoſtle ſaith of obedient ſeruants, they are the ſeruants of God.907
- 907. 1 Pet. 2. 16.
To apply this reason, I hope such wives as live under the Gospel have so much religion and piety in them as to acknowledge, it becometh them well to be subject unto the Lord Christ Jesus: here then learn one especial and principal part of subjection unto Christ, which is to be subject unto your husbands: thus shall you show your selves to be the wives of the Lord Christ, as the Apostle saith of obedient servants, they are the servants of God.907
- 907. 1 Pet‸ 2:‸16.
Againe I hope none are ſo void of all religion and piety as to refuſe to be ſubiect vnto Chriſt: here then take notice, that if wilfully yee refuſe to be ſubiect to your husbands, yee wilfully refuſe to be ſubiect to Chriſt: fitly on this ground may I apply that to wiues, which the Apoſtle ſpeaketh of ſubiects, whoſoeuer reſiſteth the power and authority of an husband,908 reſiſteth the ordinance of God: and they that reſiſt ſhall receiue to themſelues iudgement.
- 908. Rom. 13. 2.
Again I hope none are so void of all religion and piety as to refuse to be subject unto Christ: here then take notice, that if wilfully ye refuse to be subject to your husbands, ye wilfully refuse to be subject to Christ: fitly on this ground may I apply that to wives, which the Apostle speaketh of subjects, whosoever resisteth the power and authority of an husband,908 resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves judgment.
- 908. Rom‸ 13:‸2.
A ſtrong motiue is this firſt motiue. If it were duly conſidered of wiues, they would more readily, and cheerefully be ſubiect, then many are; they would not ſo lightly thinke of their husbands place, nor ſo reproachfully ſpeake againſt Gods Miniſters who plainly declare their duty vnto them, as many doe.
A strong motive is this first motive. If it were duly considered of wives, they would more readily, and cheerfully be subject, then many are; they would not so lightly think of their husbands place, nor so reproachfully speak against God’s Ministers who plainly declare their duty unto them, as many do.
§. 71. Of an husbands office.
§. 71. Of an husbands office.
This metaphor ſheweth that to his wife he is as the head of a naturall body, both more eminent in place, and alſo more excellent in dignity: by vertue of both which, he is a ruler and gouernour of his wife. Nature teacheth vs that this is true of the head of a naturall body: and the Apoſtle by intituling an husband, an head, teacheth vs that it is as true of an husband: whence it followeth, that it ſtandeth with common equity, and with the light of nature, that the wife ſhould be ſubiect to her husband. This argument doth the Apoſtle in plaine termes vrge in another place, ſaying, doth not nature teach you, &c.910
- 910. 1 Cor. 11. 14.
This metaphor showeth that to his wife he is as the head of a natural body, both more eminent in place, and also more excellent in dignity: by virtue of both which, he is a ruler and governor of his wife. Nature teacheth us that this is true of the head of a natural body: and the Apostle by entitling an husband, an head, teacheth us that it is as true of an husband: whence it followeth, that it standeth with common equity, and with the light of nature, that the wife should be subject to her husband. This argument doth the Apostle in plain terms urge in another place, saying, doth not nature teach you, etc‸.910
- 910. 1 Cor‸ 11:‸14.
Goe therefore, ô wiues, vnto the ſchoole of nature, looke vpon the outward parts and members of your bodies. Doe they deſire to be aboue the head? are they loth to be ſubiect vnto the head? Let your ſoule then learne of your body. Were it not monſtrous for the ſide to be aduanced aboue the head? If the body ſhould not be ſubiect to the head, would not deſtruction p. 344 follow vpon head, body, and all the parts thereof? As monſtrous, and much more monſtrous is it for a wife to be aboue her husband: and as great, yea and greater diſturbance and ruine would fall on that family. The order which God hath ſet therein would be cleane ouerthrowne thereby: and they that ouerthrow it would ſhew themſelues oppugners of Gods wiſdome in eſtabliſhing order. This reaſon drawne from nature is of force to moue very Pagans, and Sauages to yeeld ſubiection, how much more Chriſtian wiues, it being alſo agreeable to Gods word, and ratified thereby?
Go therefore, ô wives, unto the school of nature, look upon the outward parts and members of your bodies. Do they desire to be above the head? Are they loth to be subject unto the head? Let your soul then learn of your body. Were it not monstrous for the side to be advanced above the head? If the body should not be subject to the head, would not destruction follow upon head, body, and all the parts thereof? As monstrous, and much more monstrous is it for a wife to be above her husband: and as great, yea and greater disturbance and ruin would fall on that family. The order which God hath set therein would be clean overthrown thereby: and they that overthrow it would show themselves oppugners of God’s wisdom in establishing order. This reason drawn from nature is of force to move very Pagans, and Savages to yield subjection, how much more Christian wives, it being also agreeable to God’s word, and ratified thereby?
§. 72. Of the reſemblance betwixt Chriſt and an husband.
§. 72. Of the resemblance betwixt Christ and an husband.
The third reaſon taken from an husbands reſemblance vnto911 Chriſt herein, addeth an edge vnto that former reaſon: in being an head, he is like Chriſt. So as there is a kinde of fellowſhip and copartnerſhip betwixt Chriſt, and an husband: they are brethren in office, as two kings of ſeuerall places.
- 911. 3. Reaſon.
The third reason taken from an husbands resemblance unto911 Christ herein, addeth an edge unto that former reason: in being an head, he is like Christ. So as there is a kind of fellowship and copartnership betwixt Christ, and an husband: they are brethren in office, as two kings of several places.
- 911. 3. Reason.
Obiect. There is no equality betwixt Chriſt the Lord from heauen, and an earthly husband: the diſparity betwixt them is infinite.
Object. There is no equality betwixt Christ the Lord from heaven, and an earthly husband: the disparity betwixt them is infinite.
Anſw. Yet there may be ſimilitude, reſemblance, and fellowſhip: inequality is no hinderance to theſe. Two kings may be more different in eſtate then a ſubiect and a king; yet thoſe two kings brethren and fellowes in office. There may be a reſemblance where there is no parity, and a likeneſſe where there is no equality. The glorious and bright Sunne in the firmament, and a dimme candle in an houſe, haue a kinde of fellowſhip, and the ſame office, which is to giue light: yet there is no equality betwixt them. So then an husband reſembleth not only the head of a naturall body, but alſo the glorious image of Chriſt, and is that to his wife which Chriſt is to his Church.
Answ. Yet there may be similitude, resemblance, and fellowship: inequality is no hindrance to these. Two kings may be more different in estate then a subject and a king; yet those two kings brethren and fellows in office. There may be a resemblance where there is no parity, and a likeness where there is no equality. The glorious and bright Sun in the firmament, and a dim candle in an house, have a kind of fellowship, and the same office, which is to give light: yet there is no equality betwixt them. So then an husband resembleth not only the head of a natural body, but also the glorious image of Christ, and is that to his wife which Christ is to his Church.
To apply this point, marke how from it two poſitions (worthy to be noted) doe ariſe.
To apply this point, mark how from it two positions (worthy to be noted) do arise.
I ſay not as great, becauſe of the difference in glory: but as well, becauſe of the likeneſſe in office. A Conſtable (though a poore meane man) muſt be obeyed as well as an high ſherife: A beggars childe muſt obey his father, as well as a kings p. 345 childe. Such wiues therefore who are not ſubiect, wrong their husbands, as well as they wrong Chriſt who are not ſubiect to him.
I say not as great, because of the difference in glory: but as well, because of the likeness in office. A Constable (though a poor mean man) must be obeyed as well as an high sheriff: A beggars child must obey his father, as well as a kings child. Such wives therefore who are not subject, wrong their husbands, as well as they wrong Christ who are not subject to him.
2. They who by their ſubiection maintaine the honour of their husbands place, maintaine thereby the honour of Chriſts place: and againe by the rule of contraries, They who by refuſing to be ſubiect impeach the honour of their husbands place, impeach thereby the honour of Chriſts place.
2. They who by their subjection maintain the honour of their husbands place, maintain thereby the honour of Christ’s place: and again by the rule of contraries, They who by refusing to be subject impeach the honour of their husbands place, impeach thereby the honour of Christ’s place.
The obedience of a poore mans childe or ſeruant iuſtifieth that obedience which kings children and ſeruants owe their father and ſoueraigne: and ſo on the contrary, diſobedience in meane ones, diſhonoureth the place of great ones.
The obedience of a poor man’s child or servant justifieth that obedience which kings children and servants owe their father and sovereign: and so on the contrary, disobedience in mean ones, dishonoureth the place of great ones.
The argument of Memucan drawne from the greater to the913 leſſe (in theſe words, Vaſhty the Queene hath not done wrong to the king only, but alſo to all the princes, and all the people) may be applied from the leſſe to the greater. Diſobedient wiues doe wrong not only to their owne particular husbands, but alſo to all heads, euen to Chriſt the head of the Church.
- 913. Eſt. 1. 16.
The argument of Memucan drawn from the greater to the913 less (in these words, Vashti the Queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and all the people) may be applied from the less to the greater. Disobedient wives do wrong not only to their own particular husbands, but also to all heads, even to Christ the head of the Church.
- 913. Esth 1:‸16.
If a naturall body, and the Church were flexible, and could be ſeduced, and drawne to preſume, and rebell againſt their heads, the ill example of wiues were enough to moue them thereunto, for, as much as in them lieth, they by example ſeduce them.
If a natural body, and the Church were flexible, and could be seduced, and drawn to presume, and rebel against their heads, the ill example of wives were enough to move them thereunto, for, as much as in them lieth, they by example seduce them.
From the laſt forenamed poſitions (viz. that the obedience of a good wife maintaineth the honour of Chriſts place, and on the contrary ſide that the diſobedience of an ill wife impaireth the honour thereof) I may iuſtly inferre two other concluſions.
From the last forenamed positions (viz. That the obedience of a good wife maintaineth the honour of Christ’s place, and on the contrary side that the disobedience of an ill wife impaireth the honour thereof) I may justly infer two other conclusions.
2. That he will ſorely reuenge the rebellion of euill wiues: for againe he hath ſaid, they that deſpiſe me, ſhall be deſpiſed.
2. That he will sorely revenge the rebellion of evil wives: for again he hath said, they that despise me, shall be despised.
Wherefore as good wiues may well expect a reward at Chriſts hands, howſoeuer their husbands reſpect their obedience, p. 346 whether well or ill: (a great incouragement for wiues to performe their duties, though their husbands be neuer ſo ill) ſo euill wiues haue iuſt cauſe to feare reuenge at Chriſts hand, how ſoeuer their husbands beare with them.
Wherefore as good wives may well expect a reward at Christ’s hands, howsoever their husbands respect their obedience, whether well or ill: (a great encouragement for wives to perform their duties, though their husbands be never so ill) so evil wives have just cause to fear revenge at Christ’s hand, how soever their husbands bear with them.
They who duly weigh this reaſon taken from that reſemblance which is betwixt Chriſt and the Church, cannot but hold it to be a motiue of great moment.
They who duly weigh this reason taken from that resemblance which is betwixt Christ and the Church, cannot but hold it to be a motive of great moment.
§. 73. Of the benefit which a wife hath by an husband.
§. 73. Of the benefit which a wife hath by an husband.
The fourth reaſon taken from the benefit which a wife receiueth916 from her husband, doth yet further preſſe the point in hand. Though Chriſt be properly the Sauiour of the bodie, yet euen herein an husband carieth a reſemblance of Chriſt, and is after a manner a Saniour: for by vertue of his place and office he is on the one ſide her protector, to defend her from hurt, and preſerue her from danger; and on the other ſide, a pronider of all needfull and neceſſarie things for her: in which reſpect ſhe is taken from her parents and friends, and wholly committed917 to him: (as Iaakobs wiues ſaid, Haue we any more portion or inheritance in our fathers houſe?) yea ſhe her ſelfe, and all ſhe hath is giuen to him: and he againe communicateth what ſoeuer he hath to her good, and for her vſe. Dauid compareth a wife to918 a Vine, in relation to her husband: intimating thereby, that by him ſhe is raiſed to that height of honour ſhe hath, as a vine by the tree, or frame neere vnto which it is planted. By his honour is ſhe dignified, by his wealth is ſhe enriched. He is, vnder God, all in all to her; in the family he is a King to gouerne and aid her, a Prieſt to pray with her and for her, a Prophet to teach and inſtruct her. As the head is placed in the higheſt place ouer the bodie, and vnderſtanding placed in it, to gouerne, direct, protect, and euerie way ſeeke the good of the bodie, and as Chriſt is vnited to the Church as a ſpouſe, and made her head, that ſhe might be ſaued, maintained, and prouided for by him; ſo for this end was an husband placed in his place of ſuperioritie; and his authoritie was committed to him, to be a Saniour of his wife. Wherefore if none of the former motiues preuaile with wiues, and moue them to be ſubiect to their husbands, yet ought this.
The fourth reason taken from the benefit which a wife receiveth916 from her husband, doth yet further press the point in hand. Though Christ be properly the Saviour of the body, yet even herein an husband carrieth a resemblance of Christ, and is after a manner a Saviour: for by virtue of his place and office he is on the one side her protector, to defend her from hurt, and preserve her from danger; and on the other side, a provider of all needful and necessary things for her: in which respect she is taken from her parents and friends, and wholly committed917 to him: (as Jacob’s wives said, Have we any more portion or inheritance in our fathers house?) yea she her self, and all she hath is given to him: and he again communicateth what soever he hath to her good, and for her use. David compareth a wife to918 a Vine, in relation to her husband: intimating thereby, that by him she is raised to that height of honour she hath, as a vine by the tree, or frame near unto which it is planted. By his honour is she dignified, by his wealth is she enriched. He is, under God, all in all to her; in the family he is a King to govern and aid her, a Priest to pray with her and for her, a Prophet to teach and instruct her. As the head is placed in the highest place over the body, and understanding placed in it, to govern, direct, protect, and every way seek the good of the body, and as Christ is united to the Church as a spouse, and made her head, that she might be saved, maintained, and provided for by him; so for this end was an husband placed in his place of superiority; and his authority was committed to him, to be a Saviour of his wife. Wherefore if none of the former motives prevail with wives, and move them to be subject to their husbands, yet ought this.
For from this reaſon flow theſe two concluſions.
- p. 347 1. The ſubiection required of a wife is for her owne good.
- 2. In refuſing to obey ſhe ſheweth her ſelfe both vngratefull to her husband, and alſo iniurious to her ſelfe.
For from this reason flow these two conclusions.
- The subjection required of a wife is for her own good.
- In refusing to obey she showeth her self both ungrateful to her husband, and also injurious to her self.
That her ſubiection is for her owne good, is euident by this919 end for which an husband is made an head, to be a Saniour: not to puffe him vp, to make him inſult and tyrannize ouer his wife. So as if ſhe be ſubiect vnto him, ſhe may reape much good from him. As the Church is wiſely gouerned, and ſafely protected by ſubiecting her ſelfe to her head Chriſt Ieſus; and as the body partaketh of much good, and is preſerued from much euill by ſubiecting it ſelfe to the head, ſo if a wife be ſubiect to her huſband, ſhe will fare much the better thereby, all the eaſe, profit, and benefit thereof will be hers. If therefore ſhe tender her owne good, this is a way and meanes ordained of God for this end; let her herein ſeeke it.
- 919. A wiues ſubiection tendeth to her owne good.
That her subjection is for her own good, is evident by this919 end for which an husband is made an head, to be a Saviour: not to puff him up, to make him insult and tyrannize over his wife. So as if she be subject unto him, she may reap much good from him. As the Church is wisely governed, and safely protected by subjecting her self to her head Christ Jesus; and as the body partaketh of much good, and is preserved from much evil by subjecting it self to the head, so if a wife be subject to her husband, she will fare much the better thereby, all the ease, profit, and benefit thereof will be hers. If therefore she tender her own good, this is a way and means ordained of God for this end; let her herein seek it.
- 919. A wives subjection tendeth to her own good.
If notwithſtanding this ſhe refuſe to be ſubiect vnto her huſband, doth ſhe not (as we ſay) ſtand in her owne light? She being by her ſex the weaker, and the more vnable to helpe her ſelfe, if ſhe ſhall reiect this good helpe which God hath prouided for her, is ſhe not moſt iniurious to her owne ſelfe? And conſidering920 the care and pains her husband vndergoeth for her ſake, is it not moſt vnnaturall and monſtrous ingratitude, inwardly to despiſe, or outwardly to ſcorne ſuch an head? No better teſtimony of a gratefull heart can be giuen by a wife to her husband, then cheerefull and ready ſubiection: and no greater ingratitude can be ſhewed, then rebellion, and diſdaine. Now among vices ingratitude is one of the moſt odious to God and man: ſo as both to auoid the blacke ſpot of ingratitude, and to carry away the name of gratefulneſſe, ought wiues to be ſubiect.
- 920. Gratitude requireth a wife to be ſubiect.
If notwithstanding this she refuse to be subject unto her husband, doth she not (as we say) stand in her own light? She being by her sex the weaker, and the more unable to help her self, if she shall reject this good help which God hath provided for her, is she not most injurious to her own self? And considering920 the care and pains her husband undergoeth for her sake, is it not most unnatural and monstrous ingratitude, inwardly to despise, or outwardly to scorn such an head? No better testimony of a grateful heart can be given by a wife to her husband, then cheerful and ready subjection: and no greater ingratitude can be showed, then rebellion, and disdain. Now among vices ingratitude is one of the most odious to God and man: so as both to avoid the black spot of ingratitude, and to carry away the name of gratefulness, ought wives to be subject.
- 920. Gratitude requireth a wife to be subject.
§. 74. Of the example of the Church ſet before wines.
§. 74. Of the example of the Church set before wives.
The laſt reaſon taken from the example of the Church is alſo921 of good force to perſwade wiues vnto ſubiection. Example more preuailes with many then precept. If any example may be of force, then this moſt of all: for it is not the example of one only, but of many; not of many ignorant, and wicked perſons, but of underſtanding, wiſe, holy and righteous perſons, euen all the saints that euer were, are, or ſhall be: for the Church compriſeth all vnder it, euen that whole ſociety of Saints, which are choſen p. 348 of God in his eternall counſell, redeemed of Chriſt by his precious bloud, and effectually called by the Goſpell of faluation, Gods ſpirit working inwardly and powerfully vpon them, thoſe very ſoules of iuſt and perfect men now triumphing in heauen, not excepted: note how this Church is deſcribed in the 26, and 27. verſes. Let this example therefore be oft thought of: it will neuer repent any to follow it: for it treadeth the only right path to eternall glory, whereunto they ſhall aſſuredly come that follow it.
- 921. 5. Reaſon.
The last reason taken from the example of the Church is also921 of good force to persuade wives unto subjection. Example more prevails with many then precept. If any example may be of force, then this most of all: for it is not the example of one only, but of many; not of many ignorant, and wicked persons, but of understanding, wise, holy and righteous persons, even all the saints that ever were, are, or shall be: for the Church compriseth all under it, even that whole society of Saints, which are chosen of God in his eternal counsel, redeemed of Christ by his precious blood, and effectually called by the Gospel of salvation, God’s spirit working inwardly and powerfully upon them, those very souls of just and perfect men now triumphing in heaven, not excepted: note how this Church is described in the 26, and 27. Verses. Let this example therefore be oft thought of: it will never repent any to follow it: for it treadeth the only right path to eternal glory, whereunto they shall assuredly come that follow it.
- 921. 5. Reason.
But to ſhew the force of this reaſon a little more diſtinctly, note theſe two concluſions following from it.
But to show the force of this reason a little more distinctly, note these two conclusions following from it.
1. Wiues are as much bound to be ſubiect to their husbands, as the Church to Chriſt. Elſe why ſhould this example be thus ſet before them, and preſſed vpon them? why are husbands ſet in Chriſts ſtead, and reſembled to him?
1. Wives are as much bound to be subject to their husbands, as the Church to Christ. Else why should this example be thus set before them, and pressed upon them? Why are husbands set in Christ’s stead, and resembled to him?
2. A wiues ſubiection to her husband, anſwerable to the Churches ſubiection vnto Chriſt, is an euidence that ſhe is of the Church, guided by the ſame Spirit that the Church is. For it cannot be performed by the power of nature, it is a ſupernaturall worke, and ſo an euidence of the Spirit.
2. A wives subjection to her husband, answerable to the Churches subjection unto Christ, is an evidence that she is of the Church, guided by the same Spirit that the Church is. For it cannot be performed by the power of nature, it is a supernatural work, and so an evidence of the Spirit.
Wherefore, ô Chriſtian wiues, as your husbands by their place reſemble Chriſt, ſo doe you by your practiſe reſemble the Church. Of the two this is the more commendable: for that is a dignitie, this a vertue: but true vertue is much more glorious then any dignitie can be.
Wherefore, ô Christian wives, as your husbands by their place resemble Christ, so do you by your practise resemble the Church. Of the two this is the more commendable: for that is a dignity, this a virtue: but true virtue is much more glorious then any dignity can be.
Theſe reaſons being well poiſed, and the force of them all ioyned together, they cannot but worke on the ſtouteſt ſtomacke that is: wherefore if this point of ſubiection ſeeme to be too bitter a pill to be well digeſted, let it be ſweetned with the ſyrupe of theſe reaſons, and it will much better be ſwallowed, and haue the more kindly worke.
These reasons being well poised, and the force of them all joined together, they cannot but work on the stoutest stomach that is: wherefore if this point of subjection seem to be too bitter a pill to be well digested, let it be sweetened with the syrup of these reasons, and it will much better be swallowed, and have the more kindly work.
A Husband’s Affectionate Authority over His Wife
A Husband’s Affectionate Authority over His Wife
§. 1. Of the Generall Heads of this Treatiſe.
§. 1. Of the General Heads of this Treatise.
EPHES. 5. 25, &c. Husbands loue your owne wiues, euen as Chriſt alſo loued the Church, &c.
Eph 5:‸25, etc‸.
Husbands love your own wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, etc‸.
AS the wife is to know her dutie, ſo the huſband922 much more his, becauſe he is to be a guide, and good example to his wife, he is to dwell with her according to knowledge, (1 Pet. 3. 7.) the more eminent his place is, the more knowledge he ought to haue how to walke worthy thereof. Neglect of dutie in him is more diſhonourable vnto God, becauſe by vertue of his place he is923 the Imag eand glory of God, and more pernicious not to his wife only, but alſo to the whole family, becauſe of that power and authority he hath, which he may abuſe to the maintenance of his wickedneſſe, hauing in the houſe no ſuperiour power to reſtraine his fury: whereas the wife, though neuer ſo wicked, may by the power of her husband be kept vnder, and reſtrained from outrage.
As the wife is to know her duty, so the husband922 much more his, because he is to be a guide, and good example to his wife, he is to dwell with her according to knowledge, (1 Pet‸ 3:‸7‸) the more eminent his place is, the more knowledge he ought to have how to walk worthy thereof. Neglect of duty in him is more dishonourable unto God, because by virtue of his place he is the Image and glory of God,923 and more pernicious not to his wife only, but also to the whole family, because of that power and authority he hath, which he may abuse to the maintenance of his wickedness, having in the house no superior power to restrain his fury: whereas the wife, though never so wicked, may by the power of her husband be kept under, and restrained from outrage.
In ſetting downe the duties we muſt note
- 1. The matter wherein they conſiſt.
- p. 350 2. The manner how they are to be performed.
In setting down the duties we must note
- The matter wherein they consist.
- The manner how they are to be performed.
The Apoſtle compriſeth the whole matter of them all vnder Loue, which is the ſumme and head of all.
The Apostle compriseth the whole matter of them all under love, which is the sum and head of all.
This we will firſt handle: and then proceed to other particulars.
This we will first handle: and then proceed to other particulars.
§. 2. Of that925 loue which husbands owe their wiues.
§. 2. Of that love which husbands owe their wives.*
This head of all the reſt, Loue, is expreſly ſet downe, and alone mentioned in this, and in many other places of Scripture, whereby it is euident, that all other duties are compriſed vnder it.
- 925. Treat. 3. §. 2. 1. Husbands muſt loue their wiues. [moved in the edition]
This head of all the rest, love, is expressly set down, and alone mentioned in this, and in many other places of Scripture, whereby it is evident, that all other duties are comprised under it.
- 925. Treat. 3. §. 2. 1. Husbands must love their wives. [moved here by the editor]
1. Becauſe no dutie on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be ſeaſoned with loue. The Apoſtle exhorteth all Chriſtians to doe all their things in loue: much more929 ought husbands: though in place they be aboue their wiues, yet loue may not be forgotten.
- 929. 1 Cor. 16. 14. [moved in the edition]
1. Because no duty on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be seasoned with love. The Apostle exhorteth all Christians to do all their things in love:929 much more ought husbands: though in place they be above their wives, yet love may not be forgotten.
- 929. 1 Cor‸ 16:‸14. [moved here by the editor]
2. Becauſe of all perſons on earth a wife is the moſt proper930 obiect of loue: nor friend, nor childe, nor parent ought ſo to be loued as a wife: ſhe is termed, the wife of his boſome, to ſhew that ſhe ought to be as his heart in his boſome.
- 930. 2. A wife the moſt proper obiect of loue. Deut. 13. 6.
3. Becauſe his place of eminency, and power of authority931 may ſoone puffe him vp, and make him inſult ouer his wife, and trample her vnder his feet, if a intire loue of her be not planted in his heart. To keepe him from abuſing his authority is loue ſo much preſſed vpon him.
- 931. 3. Loue keepes a man from abuſing his authority.
3. Because his place of eminency, and power of authority931 may soon puff him up, and make him insult over his wife, and trample her under his feet, if an entire love of her be not planted in his heart. To keep him from abusing his authority is love so much pressed upon him.
- 931. 3. Love keeps a man from abusing his authority.
4. Becauſe wiues through the weakneſſe of their ſex (for932 they are the weaker veſſels) are much prone to prouoke their husbands. So as if there be not loue predominant in the huſband, there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife. Loue couereth a multitude of imperfections.
- 932. 4. Loue maketh him beare with her infirmities. 5. His loue draweth loue from her.
4. Because wives through the weakness of their sex (for932 they are the weaker vessels) are much prone to provoke their husbands. So as if there be not love predominant in the husband, there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife. Love covereth a multitude of imperfections.
- 932. 4. Love maketh him bear with her infirmities. 5. His love draweth love from her.
5. Becauſe as Chriſt by his loue firſt manifeſted prouoketh p. 351 the Church to loue him, ſo an husband by louing his wife ſhould prouoke her to loue him againe: ſhewing himſelfe like the Sunne which is the fountaine of light, and from which the Moone receiueth what light ſhe hath: ſo he ſhould be the fountaine of loue to his wife.
5. Because as Christ by his love first manifested provoketh the Church to love him, so an husband by loving his wife should provoke her to love him again: showing himself like the Sun which is the fountain of light, and from which the Moon receiveth what light she hath: so he should be the fountain of love to his wife.
Obiect. Loue was before laid downe as a common dutie appertaining both to man and wife: how is it then here required as a particular and peculiar dutie of an husband?
Object. Love was before laid down as a common duty appertaining both to man and wife: how is it then here required as a particular and peculiar duty of an husband?
Anſw. In regard of the generall extent of loue it is indeed a common dutie belonging to the one as well as to the other, yea933 belonging to all Chriſtians, to all men: for it is the very nature of loue, and an eſpeciall property thereof, to ſeeke not her owne things, but the good of others, which all are bound to doe by vertue of the bond of nature; more then others, Chriſtians by vertue of the bond of the ſpirit: among Chriſtians, eſpecially wiues and husbands by vertue of the matrimoniall bond: of maried couples, moſt of all husbands by vertue of their place and charge. Their place is a place of authoritie, which without loue will ſoone turne into tyrannie. Their charge is eſpecially and aboue all, to ſeeke the good of their wiues: as wiues are the chiefeſt, and greateſt charge of husbands, ſo their chiefeſt and greateſt care muſt be for them: the parents and friends of wiues as they giue ouer all their authority to their husbands, ſo they caſt all care vpon them: wherefore that husbands may take the more care of their wiues, and the better ſeeke their good, they ought after a peculiar manner to loue them. Husbands are moſt of all bound to loue: and bound to loue their wiues moſt of all.
- 933. How loue is an husbands particular dutie. 1 Cor. 13. 5.
Answ. In regard of the general extent of love it is indeed a common duty belonging to the one as well as to the other, yea933 belonging to all Christians, to all men: for it is the very nature of love, and an especial property thereof, to seek not her own things, but the good of others, which all are bound to do by virtue of the bond of nature; more then others, Christians by virtue of the bond of the spirit: among Christians, especially wives and husbands by virtue of the matrimonial bond: of married couples, most of all husbands by virtue of their place and charge. Their place is a place of authority, which without love will soon turn into tyranny. Their charge is especially and above all, to seek the good of their wives: as wives are the chiefest, and greatest charge of husbands, so their chiefest and greatest care must be for them: the parents and friends of wives as they give over all their authority to their husbands, so they cast all care upon them: wherefore that husbands may take the more care of their wives, and the better seek their good, they ought after a peculiar manner to love them. Husbands are most of all bound to love: and bound to love their wives most of all.
- 933. How love is an husbands particular duty. 1 Cor‸ 13:‸5.
Thus this affection of loue is a diſtinct dutie in it ſelfe, peculiarly934 appertaining to an husband: and alſo a common condition which muſt be annexed to euery other dutie of an huſband, to ſeaſon and ſweeten the ſame. His looke, his ſpeech, his carriage, and all his actions, wherein he hath to doe with his wife, muſt be ſeaſoned with loue: loue muſt ſhew it ſelfe in his commandements, in his reproofes, in his inſtructions, in his admonitions, in his authoritie, in his familiaritie, when they are alone together, when they are in company before others, in ciuill affaires, in religious matters, at all times, in all p. 352 things: as ſalt muſt be firſt and laſt vpon the table, and eaten with euery bit of meate, ſo muſt loue be firſt in an husbands heart, and laſt out of it, and mixed with euery thing wherein he hath to doe with his wife.
- 934. Loue a common condition to be annexed to euerie dutie.
Thus this affection of love is a distinct duty in it self, peculiarly934 appertaining to an husband: and also a common condition which must be annexed to every other duty of an husband, to season and sweeten the same. His look, his speech, his carriage, and all his actions, wherein he hath to do with his wife, must be seasoned with love: love must show it self in his commandments, in his reproofs, in his instructions, in his admonitions, in his authority, in his familiarity, when they are alone together, when they are in company before others, in civil affairs, in religious matters, at all times, in all things: as salt must be first and last upon the table, and eaten with every bit of meat, so must love be first in an husbands heart, and last out of it, and mixed with every thing wherein he hath to do with his wife.
- 934. Love a common condition to be annexed to every duty.
§. 3. Of an husbands hatred and want of loue.
§. 3. Of an husbands hatred and want of love.
Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart: which vice as it is935 very odious and deteſtable in it ſelfe, ſo much more when the wife is made the obiect thereof. As loue prouoketh an huſband to doe his wife what good he can, ſo hatred, to doe her what miſchiefe he can. Moſes noteth a mans hatred of his936 wife to be a cauſe of much miſchiefe: for the neerer, and dearer any perſons be, the more violent will that hatred be which is faſtened on them.
Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart: which vice as it is935 very odious and detestable in it self, so much more when the wife is made the object thereof. As love provoketh an husband to do his wife what good he can, so hatred, to do her what mischief he can. Moses noteth a man’s hatred of his936 wife to be a cause of much mischief: for the nearer, and dearer any persons be, the more violent will that hatred be which is fastened on them.
Hence was it that a diuorce was ſuffered to be made betwixt937 a man and his wife, in caſe he hated her: which law queſtionleſſe was made for releefe of the wife, leſt the hatred which her husband conceiued againſt her ſhould worke her ſome miſchiefe, if he were forced to keepe her as his wife: which Chriſt ſeemeth to imply in theſe words, Moſes, becauſe of the938 hardneſſe of your hearts, ſuffered you to put away your wines. This therefore being ſo peſtilent a poiſon, let husbands take heed how they ſuffer it to ſoake into them.
Hence was it that a divorce was suffered to be made betwixt937 a man and his wife, in case he hated her: which law questionless was made for relief of the wife, lest the hatred which her husband conceived against her should work her some mischief, if he were forced to keep her as his wife: which Christ seemeth to imply in these words, Moses, because of the938 hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives. This therefore being so pestilent a poison, let husbands take heed how they suffer it to soak into them.
Neither is it ſufficient for an husband not to hate his wife,939 for euen the want of loue, though it be only a priuation, yet is it a great vice, and contrary alſo to the forenamed dutie of loue. Where this want of loue is, there can be no duty wel performed, euen as when the great wheele of a clocke, the firſt mouer of all the reſt, is out of frame, neuer a wheele can be in good order. They that thinke lightly hereof, plainly diſcouer that there is little or no loue of God in them at all: for if the Apoſtles inference be good, taken from a mans neighbour or brother whom940 he hath ſeene, it will much more be good hauing relation to a wife: for how can he who loueth not his wife, (whom God hath giuen to him as a token of his fauour, and as an helpe meet for him, to be in his boſome, and euer in his ſight, yea to be no more two, but one fleſh) loue God whom he hath not ſeene? If any man ſaith, he loueth God, and hate his wife, he is a lier. Let p. 353 husbands therefore by louing their wiues giue euidence that they loue God.
Neither is it sufficient for an husband not to hate his wife,939 for even the want of love, though it be only a privation, yet is it a great vice, and contrary also to the forenamed duty of love. Where this want of love is, there can be no duty well performed, even as when the great wheel of a clock, the first mover of all the rest, is out of frame, never a wheel can be in good order. They that think lightly hereof, plainly discover that there is little or no love of God in them at all: for if the Apostles inference be good, taken from a man’s neighbour or brother whom940 he hath seen, it will much more be good having relation to a wife: for how can he who loveth not his wife, (whom God hath given to him as a token of his favour, and as an help meet for him, to be in his bosom, and ever in his sight, yea to be no more two, but one flesh) love God whom he hath not seen? If any man saith, he loveth God, and hate his wife, he is a liar. Let husbands therefore by loving their wives give evidence that they love God.
§. 4. Of an husbands941 wiſe maintaining his authoritie.
§. 4. Of an husbands wise maintaining his authority.*
All the branches which grow out of this root of loue, as they haue reſpect to husbands duties, may be drawne to two heads:
- 1. A wiſe maintaining of his authoritie.
- 2. A right managing of the ſame.
- 941. Treat. 3. §. 9. Branches of loue. [moved in the edition]
All the branches which grow out of this root of love, as they have respect to husbands duties, may be drawn to two heads:
- A wise maintaining of his authority.
- A right managing of the same.
- 941. Treat. 3. §. 9. Branches of love. [moved here by the editor]
That theſe two are branches of an husbands loue, is euident by the place wherein God hath ſet him, which is a place of authoritie; for the beſt good that any can doe, and ſo the beſt fruits of loue which he can ſhew forth to any, are ſuch as are done in his owne proper place, and by vertue thereof. If then an husband relinquiſh his authoritie, he diſableth himſelfe from doing that good, and ſhewing thoſe fruits of loue which otherwiſe he might. If he abuſe his authoritie, he turneth the edge and point of his ſword amiſſe: in ſtead of holding it ouer his wife for her protection, he turneth it into her bowels to her deſtruction, and ſo manifeſteth thereby more hatred then loue.
That these two are branches of an husbands love, is evident by the place wherein God hath set him, which is a place of authority; for the best good that any can do, and so the best fruits of love which he can show forth to any, are such as are done in his own proper place, and by virtue thereof. If then an husband relinquish his authority, he disableth himself from doing that good, and showing those fruits of love which otherwise he might. If he abuse his authority, he turneth the edge and point of his sword amiss: in stead of holding it over his wife for her protection, he turneth it into her bowels to her destruction, and so manifesteth thereby more hatred then love.
Now then to handle theſe two ſeuerally, and diſtinctly:
Now then to handle these two severally, and distinctly:
I. That an husband ought wiſely to maintaine his authoritie,942 is implied vnder this Apoſtolicall precept, Husbands dwell with your wiues according to knowledge, that is, as ſuch as are well able to maintaine the honour of that place wherein God943 hath ſet you: not as ſots and fooles without vnderſtanding. The ſame is alſo implied vnder the titles of preheminence which the Scripture attributeth to husbands, as Lord, Maſter,944 head, guide, image and glory of God, &c.
I. That an husband ought wisely to maintain his authority,942 is implied under this Apostolical precept, husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge, that is, as such as are well able to maintain the honour of that place wherein God943 hath set you: not as sots and fools without understanding. The same is also implied under the titles of preeminence which the Scripture attributeth to husbands, as Lord, master,944 head, guide, image and glory of God, etc‸.
The honour and authoritie of God, and of his Sonne Chriſt945 Ieſus, is maintained in and by the honour and authoritie of an husband, as the Kings authoritie is maintained by the authoritie of his Priuy Councell and other Magiſtrates vnder him; yea, as an husbands authoritie is in the family maintained by the authoritie of his wife: (for as the man is the glory of God, ſo946 the woman is the glory of the man.)
The honour and authority of God, and of his son Christ945 Jesus, is maintained in and by the honour and authority of an husband, as the Kings authority is maintained by the authority of his Privy Council and other Magistrates under him; yea, as an husbands authority is in the family maintained by the authority of his wife: (for as the man is the glory of God, so946 the woman is the glory of the man.)
The good of the wife her ſelfe is thus alſo much promoted,947 euen as the good of the body is helped forward by the heads p. 354 abiding in his place; ſhould the head be put vnder any of the parts of the body, the body and all the parts thereof could not but receiue much dammage thereby: euen ſo the wife and whole family would feele the dammage of the husbands loſſe of his authoritie.
- 947. 2. The wiues good promoted thereby.
The good of the wife her self is thus also much promoted,947 even as the good of the body is helped forward by the heads abiding in his place; should the head be put under any of the parts of the body, the body and all the parts thereof could not but receive much damage thereby: even so the wife and whole family would feel the damage of the husbands loss of his authority.
- 947. 2. The wives good promoted thereby.
1. Queſt. Is it in the power of the husband to maintaine his owne authoritie?
1. Quest. Is it in the power of the husband to maintain his own authority?
Anſw. Yea, in his more then in any others: for note the948 counſell of the Apoſtle to Timothie, (though in another caſe, yet very pertinent to this purpoſe) Let no man deſpiſe thy youth. It was therefore in Timothies power to maintaine his honour, and not to ſuffer it to be deſpiſed; and ſo is it in an husbands power.
- 948. It is in the mans power to maintaine his authoritie. 1 Tim. 4. 12.
Answ. Yea, in his more then in any others: for note the948 counsel of the Apostle to Timothy, (though in another case, yet very pertinent to this purpose) Let no man despise thy youth. It was therefore in Timothies power to maintain his honour, and not to suffer it to be despised; and so is it in an husbands power.
- 948. It is in the man’s power to maintain his authority. 1 Tim‸ 4:‸12.
2. Queſt. How may an husband beſt maintaine his authoritie?
2. Quest. How may an husband best maintain his authority?
Anſw. That direction which the Apoſtle giueth to Timothie949 to maintaine his authoritie, may fitly be applied for this purpoſe vnto an husband; Be an enſample in conuerſation, in loue, in ſpirit, in faith, and in pureneſſe: as if he had ſaid, If thou walke before them worthy of thy place and calling, and worthy of that honour and reſpect which is due thereunto, ſhewing forth the fruits of loue, faith, and other like graces, aſſuredly they will reuerence thy youth; but if otherwiſe thou carrie thy ſelfe baſely, and not beſeeming a miniſter, thou giueſt them iuſt occaſion to deſpiſe thee. Euen thus may husbands beſt maintaine their authoritie by being an enſample in loue, grauitie, pietie, honeſty, &c. The fruits of theſe and other like graces ſhewed forth by husbands before their wiues and family, cannot but worke a reuerend and dutifull reſpect in their wiues and whole houſe towards them: for by this means they ſhall more cleerely diſcerne the image of God ſhine forth in their faces.
- 949. How a mans authority may be well maintained. Ad viros pertinet virtute vincere, & exemplo regere foeminas. Aug. de Adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 8.
Answ. That direction which the Apostle giveth to Timothy949 to maintain his authority, may fitly be applied for this purpose unto an husband; Be an ensample in conversation, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in pureness: as if he had said, If thou walk before them worthy of thy place and calling, and worthy of that honour and respect which is due thereunto, showing forth the fruits of love, faith, and other like graces, assuredly they will reverence thy youth; but if otherwise thou carry thy self basely, and not beseeming a minister, thou givest them just occasion to despise thee. Even thus may husbands best maintain their authority by being an ensample in love, gravity, piety, honesty, etc‸. The fruits of these and other like graces showed forth by husbands before their wives and family, cannot but work a reverend and dutiful respect in their wives and whole house towards them: for by this means they shall more clearly discern the image of God shine forth in their faces.
- 949. How a man’s authority may be well maintained. Ad viros pertinet virtute vincere, & exemplo regere foeminas. Aug. de Adult. Coniug. lib. 2. cap. 8.
Obiect. Very goodneſſe and grace it ſelfe is hated of wicked and vngodly wiues: it was an act of pietie that made Michal deſpiſe Dauid.
Object. Very goodness and grace it self is hated of wicked and ungodly wives: it was an act of piety that made Michal despise David.
Anſw. 1. Grant it to be ſo: yet this may be a good direction for ſuch husbands as haue not ſuch wicked wiues.
Answ. 1. Grant it to be so: yet this may be a good direction for such husbands as have not such wicked wives.
2. This doth not alwaies ſo fall our, no, nor yet for the moſt p. 355 part in thoſe that are wicked; true vertue and integritie doth oft cauſe admiration in ſuch as loue it not.
2. This doth not always so fall out, no, nor yet for the most part in those that are wicked; true virtue and integrity doth oft cause admiration in such as love it not.
3. Though ſome be of ſo crooked and peruerſe a diſpoſition as to take occaſion of contempt, where none is giuen, yet ſhall that husband iuſtifie himſelfe before God and man, that carryeth himſelfe worthy of his place.
3. Though some be of so crooked and perverse a disposition as to take occasion of contempt, where none is given, yet shall that husband justify himself before God and man, that carrieth himself worthy of his place.
§. 5. Of husbands loſing their authoritie.
§. 5. Of husbands losing their authority.
Contrary is their practiſe who by their profaneneſſe, riotouſneſſe,950 drunkenneſſe, lewdneſſe, lightneſſe, vnthriftineſſe, and other like baſe carriage, make themſelues contemptible, and ſo loſe their authoritie: though a wife ought not to take theſe occaſions to deſpiſe her husband, yet is it a iuſt iudgement on him to be deſpiſed, ſeeing he maketh himſelfe contemptible.
- 950. Contrary, 1. baſe carriage
Contrary is their practise who by their profaneness, riotousness,950 drunkenness, lewdness, lightness, unthriftiness, and other like base carriage, make themselves contemptible, and so lose their authority: though a wife ought not to take these occasions to despise her husband, yet is it a just judgment on him to be despised, seeing he maketh himself contemptible.
- 950. Contrary, 1. base carriage
Contrary alſo to the forenamed directions is the ſterne,951 rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny goe about to maintaine their authority. Force may indeed cauſe feare, but a ſlauiſh feate, ſuch a feare as breedeth more hatred then loue, more inward contempt, then outward reſpect.
- 951. 2. Cruell dealing.
Contrary also to the forenamed directions is the stern,951 rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny go about to maintain their authority. Force may indeed cause fear, but a slavish fear, such a fear as breedeth more hatred then love, more inward contempt, then outward respect.
- 951. 2. Cruel dealing.
And contrary is their ſeruile diſpoſition, who againſt their952 owne iudgement yeeld to the bent of their wiues minde in ſuch things as are vnlawfull: they will loſe their authority rather then giue diſcontent to their wiues: which is a fault expreſly forbidden by the953 law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked954 Ahab, but alſo wiſe Salomon fell: how heinous a fault, and how grieuous a fall this was in Salomon, the fearefull iſſue thereof ſheweth. Like to him not in wiſdome, but in this point of egregious folly, are ſuch as vpon their wiues955 inſtigation, ſuffer Prieſts and Ieſuites, to lurke and celebrate Maſſes in their houſes, and yeeld to be preſent thereat themſelues. Like to Ahab are ſuch Magiſtrates as ſuffer their wiues to ouerſway them in courſe of Iuſtice: hence it commeth to paſſe that more petitions and ſuites are made to the wiues of Magiſtrates in the caſes of Iuſtice then to the Magiſtrates themſelues: and the fauour of their wiues is more eſteemed then their owne: ſo as the power of gouerning, and the maine ſtroke in determining matters, is from their wiues; they are but p. 356 the mouthes and inſtrument of their wiues, in ſo much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is giuen to their wiues. Some husbands ſuffer this by reaſon of their fearefull, and fooliſh diſpoſition, wanting courage and wiſdome to maintaine the honour of their places againſt the inſolency of their wiues: others vpon a ſubtil, couetous, wicked minde, that by the meanes of their wiues there may be more freedome for receiuing bribes. Among theſe I may reckon thoſe who againſt their owne minde, to ſatisfie their wiues minde, ſuffer both wiues and children to follow the faſhion, to attire themſelues vnbeſeeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and alſo thoſe who vpon their wiues importunitie are moued (as Sampſon was) to reueale ſuch ſecrets956 as are not meet to be knowne. Husbands may hearken to their wiues mouing good things, but they may not obey them in euill things: if they doe, their fault is double: 1. in doing euill: 2. in loſing their authoritie.
- 952. 3. Yeelding in vnlawfull things.
- 953. Dent. 13. 6, 7.
- 954. 1 King. 21. 7, 9. [moved in the edition]
- 955. 1 King. 11. 4. [moved in the edition]
- 956. Maximè obſeruate vos atꝗ attendite anim bus veſtris ô viri ab vxoris concitationibus atque malis inſtigationibus, per hanc enim in vltimo ſupplantare Job viſus eſt diabolus, &c. per iſtas etiam nunc plurimos ſubuertit. Orig. in Ioh. lib. 2.
And contrary is their servile disposition, who against their952 own judgment yield to the bent of their wives mind in such things as are unlawful: they will lose their authority rather then give discontent to their wives: which is a fault expressly forbidden by the953 law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked Ahab,954 but also wise Solomon fell:955 how heinous a fault, and how grievous a fall this was in Solomon, the fearful issue thereof showeth. Like to him not in wisdom, but in this point of egregious folly, are such as upon their wives instigation, suffer Priests and Jesuits, to lurk and celebrate Masses in their houses, and yield to be present thereat themselves. Like to Ahab are such Magistrates as suffer their wives to oversway them in course of Justice: hence it cometh to pass that more petitions and suits are made to the wives of Magistrates in the cases of Justice then to the Magistrates themselves: and the favour of their wives is more esteemed then their own: so as the power of governing, and the main stroke in determining matters, is from their wives; they are but the mouths and instruments of their wives, in so much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is given to their wives. Some husbands suffer this by reason of their fearful, and foolish disposition, wanting courage and wisdom to maintain the honour of their places against the insolency of their wives: others upon a subtle, covetous, wicked mind, that by the means of their wives there may be more freedom for receiving bribes. Among these I may reckon those who against their own mind, to satisfy their wives mind, suffer both wives and children to follow the fashion, to attire themselves unbeseeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and also those who upon their wives importunity are moved (as Samson was) to reveal such secrets956 as are not meet to be known. Husbands may hearken to their wives moving good things, but they may not obey them in evil things: if they do, their fault is double: 1. In doing evil: 2. In losing their authority.
- 952. 3. Yielding in unlawful things.
- 953. Deut 13:‸6, 7.
- 954. 1 Kgs 21:‸7, 9. [moved here by the editor]
- 955. 1 Kgs 11:‸4. [moved here by the editor]
- 956. Maximè obseruate vos atque attendite animabus vestris ô viri ab vxoris concitationibus atque malis instigationibus, per hanc enim in vltimo supplantare Job visus est diabolus, etc‸. per istas etiam nunc plurimos subuertit. Orig. in Ioh. lib. 2.
Let husbands therefore be very watchfull againſt their wiues euill inſtigations. Satan laboured to ſupplant Iob by his wife: and by this doth he ſubuert many in theſe daies.
Let husbands therefore be very watchful against their wives evil instigations. Satan laboured to supplant Job by his wife: and by this doth he subvert many in these days.
As authority muſt be well maintained, ſo muſt it be well managed: for which purpoſe two things are needfull:
- 1. That an husband tenderly reſpect his wife.
- 2. That prouidently he care for her.
- 957. Treat 3. §. 3. How a mans authority may be well managed. [moved in the edition]
As authority must be well maintained, so must it be well managed: for which purpose two things are needful:
- That an husband tenderly respect his wife.
- That providently he care for her.
- 957. Treat. 3. §. 3. How a man’s authority may be well managed. [moved here by the editor]
An husbands tender reſpect of his wife is Inward.
Outward.
An husbands tender respect of his wife is
- Inward.
- Outward.
Inward in regard of his Opinion of her.
Affection to her.
Inward in regard of his
- Opinion of her.
- Affection to her.
Outward in regard of his cariage towards her.
Outward in regard of his carriage towards her.
For an husbands opinion of his wife, two things are to be weighed, Her place,
Her perſon.
For an husbands opinion of his wife, two things are to be weighed‸
- Her place.‸
- Her person.
1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and ſubiection, yet the neereſt to equality that may be: a place of common958 equity in many reſpects, wherein man and wife are after a ſort euen fellowes, and partners: Hence then it followeth that
- 958. Husbands muſt account their wiues yoke-fellowes. 1 Pet. 3. 7.
1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and subjection, yet the nearest to equality that may be: a place of common958 equity in many respects, wherein man and wife are after a sort even fellows, and partners: Hence then it followeth that
- 958. Husbands must account their wives yoke-fellows. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸7.
The husband muſt account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giuing honour to the wife: and it is implied p. 357 vnder that phraſe wherby the end of making a wife is noted,959 which in our Engliſh is tranſlated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himſelfe, one in whom he might960 ſee himſelfe, or euen (to vſe our Apoſtles word) himſelfe. Theſe phraſes imply a kinde of fellowſhip: as alſo the many prerogatiues that are common to both, which haue beene noted961 before.
The husband must account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giving honour to the wife: and it is implied under that phrase whereby the end of making a wife is noted,959 which in our English is translated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himself, one in whom he might960 see himself, or even (to use our Apostles word) himself. These phrases imply a kind of fellowship: as also the many prerogatives that are common to both, which have been noted* before.
As a wiues acknowledgement of her husbands ſuperiority is the ground-worke of all her duties, ſo an husbands acknowledgement of that fellowſhip which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himſelfe much more amiably, familiarly, louingly, and euery way as beſeemeth a good husband towards her.
As a wives acknowledgment of her husbands superiority is the ground-work of all her duties, so an husbands acknowledgment of that fellowship which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himself much more amiably, familiarly, lovingly, and every way as beseemeth a good husband towards her.
§. 7. Of that fellowſhip which is betwixt man and wife, notwithſtanding a wiues inferiority.
§. 7. Of that fellowship which is betwixt man and wife, notwithstanding a wives inferiority.
Obiect. Fellowſhip betwixt man and wife cannot ſtand with a wiues inferiority and ſubiection.
Object. Fellowship betwixt man and wife cannot stand with a wives inferiority and subjection.
Anſw. They are of very meane capacity that cannot ſee how theſe may ſtand together. Is there not a fellowſhip betwixt ſuperiour and inferiour magiſtrates in relation to their ſubiects? yea the Scripture mentioneth a fellowſhip betwixt Chriſt the head and other Saints in relation to the glory962 whereof all are made partakers (for it termeth vs ioynt heires with Chriſt:) and in relation to Gods people a fellowſhip betwixt God and his miniſters (for it termeth them labourers together963 with God) yet none can denie the Saints, and miniſters to be inferiour and in ſubiection to Chriſt, and God. But diſtinctly to anſwer the obiection.
Answ. They are of very mean capacity that cannot see how these may stand together. Is there not a fellowship betwixt superior and inferior magistrates in relation to their subjects? Yea the Scripture mentioneth a fellowship betwixt Christ the head and other Saints in relation to the glory962 whereof all are made partakers (for it termeth us joint heirs with Christ:) and in relation to God’s people a fellowship betwixt God and his ministers (for it termeth them labourers together963 with God) yet none can deny the Saints, and ministers to be inferior and in subjection to Christ, and God. But distinctly to answer the objection.
1. There may not only be a fellowſhip, but alſo an equality in ſome things betwixt thoſe that in other things are one of them inferiour and ſubiect: as betwixt man and wife in the power of one another bodies: for the wife (as well as the huſband)964 is therein both a ſeruant, and a miſtreſſe, a ſeruant to yeeld her body, a miſtreſſe to haue the power of his.
- 964. Vxor & ſerua & domina eſt viri, Chryſoſt. in 1 Cor. 7. hom. 19.
1. There may not only be a fellowship, but also an equality in some things betwixt those that in other things are one of them inferior and subject: as betwixt man and wife in the power of one anothers bodies: for the wife (as well as the husband)964 is therein both a servant, and a mistress, a servant to yield her body, a mistress to have the power of his.
- 964. Vxor & serua & domina est viri, Chrysost. in 1 Cor‸ 7. hom. 19.
2. There may be fellowſhip in the very ſame things wherein is inferiority: for fellowſhip hath reſpect to the thing it ſelfe, inferiority to the meaſure, and manner: as in giuing light the Sunne and Moone haue a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure and p. 358 manner the Moone is inferiour: the Moone hath not ſo much light as the Sunne, and that which it hath it hath from the Sunne: and as in gouerning, the king and other magiſtrates haue a fellowſhip, but in the meaſure, and manner of gouernment they are inferiour to him: Euen ſo is it betwixt man and wife, in many things wherein there is a fellowſhip, the wife is notwithſtanding inferiour: ſo as inferiority may ſtand with fellowſhip.
2. There may be fellowship in the very same things wherein is inferiority: for fellowship hath respect to the thing it self, inferiority to the measure, and manner: as in giving light the Sun and Moon have a fellowship, but in the measure and manner the Moon is inferior: the Moon hath not so much light as the Sun, and that which it hath it hath from the Sun: and as in governing, the king and other magistrates have a fellowship, but in the measure, and manner of government they are inferior to him: Even so is it betwixt man and wife, in many things wherein there is a fellowship, the wife is notwithstanding inferior: so as inferiority may stand with fellowship.
3. There are no vnequals betwixt which there is ſo neere a parity as betwixt man and wife: if therefore there may be a fellowſhip betwixt any that are ſuperiour, and inferiour one to another, then much more betwixt man and wife.
3. There are no unequals betwixt which there is so near a parity as betwixt man and wife: if therefore there may be a fellowship betwixt any that are superior, and inferior one to another, then much more betwixt man and wife.
§. 8. Of husbands too meane account of wiues.
§. 8. Of husbands too mean account of wives.
Contrary is the conceit of many who thinke there is no966 difference betwixt a wife and ſeruant but in familiarity: and that wiues were made to be ſeruants to their husbands, becauſe ſubiection, feare and obedience are required of them: whence it commeth to paſſe that wiues are oft vſed little better then ſeruants. A conceit and practiſe ſauouring too much of heatheniſh, and ſottiſh arrogancy. Did God at firſt take the wife out of mans ſide, that man ſhould tread her vnder his feet? or rather that he ſhould ſet her at his ſide next to him aboue all children, ſeruants, or any other in the family, how neere, or deare vnto him ſoeuer? for none can be neerer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.
- 966. Non es dominus ſed maritus: non ancillam ſortitus es, ſed vxorem: gubernatorem te Deus voluit eſſe ſexus inferioris, non praepotentem. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.
Contrary is the conceit of many who think there is no966 difference betwixt a wife and servant but in familiarity: and that wives were made to be servants to their husbands, because subjection, fear and obedience are required of them: whence it cometh to pass that wives are oft used little better then servants. A conceit and practise savouring too much of heathenish, and sottish arrogancy. Did God at first take the wife out of man’s side, that man should tread her under his feet? Or rather that he should set her at his side next to him above all children, servants, or any other in the family, how near, or dear unto him soever? For none can be nearer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.
- 966. Non es dominus sed maritus: non ancillam sortitus es, sed vxorem: gubernatorem te Deus voluit esse sexus inferioris, non praepotentem. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.
§. 9. Of husbands good eſteeme of their967 owne wiues.
§. 9. Of husbands good esteem of their own wives.*
2. For the perſon of a wife, An husband ought to eſteeme that particular perſon to whom by Gods prouidence he is ioyned in mariage, to be the fitteſt, and beſt for him. This is implied vnder that particle of reſtraint (OWNE) noted by the Apoſtle where he ſaith968 husbands loue your OWNE wiues, and againe preſſeth it vnder a compariſon of the body (as969 your OWNE bodies) Euery one thinketh his owne body beſt and fitteſt for him. A man might happily wiſh ſome defects or enormities in his owne body to be amended, and deſire that his were like an p. 359 others, more ſtrait, ſtrong, and comely then his owne, yet would he not haue his head to be vpon that other mans body: the ſame opinion ought a man (that would loue his wife) to haue of her.
2. For the person of a wife, An husband ought to esteem that particular person to whom by God’s providence he is joined in marriage, to be the fittest, and best for him. This is implied under that particle of restraint (OWN) noted by the Apostle where he saith husbands love your968 OWN wives, and again presseth it under a comparison of the body (as your969 OWN bodies) Every one thinketh his own body best and fittest for him. A man might happily wish some defects or enormities in his own body to be amended, and desire that his were like an others, more strait, strong, and comely then his own, yet would he not have his head to be upon that other man’s body: the same opinion ought a man (that would love his wife) to have of her.
Good reaſon there is for him ſo to doe: for true is the prouerbe,970 if it be rightly taken, mariages are firſt made in heauen, that is, God hath an ouer-ruling hand in ordering them: which971 Salomon implieth by that oppoſition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which reſpect he ſaith,972 he which findeth a wife receiueth fauour of the Lord. If therefore thou art loued of God, and loueſt him, he will make thy wife proue a good thing to thee.
Good reason there is for him so to do: for true is the proverb,970 if it be rightly taken, marriages are first made in heaven, that is, God hath an over-ruling hand in ordering them: which Solomon971 implieth by that opposition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which respect he saith, he which findeth a wife receiveth favour of the Lord.972 If therefore thou art loved of God, and lovest him, he will make thy wife prove a good thing to thee.
Obiect. A wife may be a very lewd and wicked woman: how then can ſhe be accounted the beſt wife?
Object. A wife may be a very lewd and wicked woman: how then can she be accounted the best wife?
Anſw. 1. It may be ſhe was good enough when firſt ſhe was brought to thee, but thou by thine euill example, or negligent gouernment, or hard vſage, haſt made her ſo bad as ſhe is. Which if it be ſo, then is ſhe to be conſidered not as thou haſt marr’d her, but as thou diddeſt marie her.
Answ. 1. It may be she was good enough when first she was brought to thee, but thou by thine evil example, or negligent government, or hard usage, hast made her so bad as she is. Which if it be so, then is she to be considered not as thou hast marr’d her, but as thou didst marry her.
2. Though ſhe be not in relation to other wiues the beſt in condition, yet in relation to thee ſhe may be the beſt in euent: if not for thine eaſe and quiet, yet for triall of thy wiſdome and patience: and ſo as973 a ſchoole of vertue ſhe may be vnto thee. As974 a skilfull pilots ſufficiency is tried and knowne by tempeſtuous ſeas, ſo a mans wiſdome by a troubleſome wife. Yea ſhe may be giuen thee as a puniſhment of ſome former ſinnes, as ſeeking after a beautifull, honourable, rich, proper wife, rather then a religious and honeſt one: or ſeeking her without any direction or helpe firſt ſought of God, or otherwiſe then thou haſt warrant from God, as by ſtealth, and without parents conſent; or ſome other ſinnes in another kinde, to bring thee to repentance: or as a meanes to reſtraine and weane thee from ſome future ſinnes whereunto thou are ſubiect, and ſo proue a bleſſed croſſe to keepe thee from a fearefull curſe.
2. Though she be not in relation to other wives the best in condition, yet in relation to thee she may be the best in event: if not for thine ease and quiet, yet for trial of thy wisdom and patience: and so as973 a school of virtue she may be unto thee. As974 a skilful pilots sufficiency is tried and known by tempestuous seas, so a man’s wisdom by a troublesome wife. Yea she may be given thee as a punishment of some former sins, as seeking after a beautiful, honourable, rich, proper wife, rather then a religious and honest one: or seeking her without any direction or help first sought of God, or otherwise then thou hast warrant from God, as by stealth, and without parents consent; or some other sins in another kind, to bring thee to repentance: or as a means to restrain and wean thee from some future sins whereunto thou art subject, and so prove a blessed cross to keep thee from a fearful curse.
§. 10. Of husbands prepoſterous opinion of their owne wiues.
§. 10. Of husbands preposterous opinion of their own wives.
Contrary is a corrupt and peruerſe opinion which many haue of their owne wiues, thinking them of all other the worſt p. 360 and vnfitteſt; yea though they be ſuch as euery way both in gifts and qualities of minde, and alſo in grace and comelineſſe of body deſerue all good reſpect and eſteeme. Whereas others (which looke with a ſingle eye) commend their good parts, they Miſinterpret and miſiudge all: if their wiues be religious, they thinke them hypocrites: if graue, ſober and modeſt, melancholicke: if cheerefull, wanton: if they keepe at home, idle drones: if they take occaſion (though neuer ſo iuſt) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wiues is a cauſe that their hearts are cleane remoued from their owne, and ſet vpon ſtrange fleſh: whereby the deuill gaineth what he deſireth, that is, to put aſunder ſuch as God hath ioyned together, and to ioyne thoſe whom God hath put aſunder.
Contrary is a corrupt and perverse opinion which many have of their own wives, thinking them of all other the worst and unfittest; yea though they be such as every way both in gifts and qualities of mind, and also in grace and comeliness of body deserve all good respect and esteem. Whereas others (which look with a single eye) commend their good parts, they misinterpret and misjudge all: if their wives be religious, they think them hypocrites: if grave, sober and modest, melancholic: if cheerful, wanton: if they keep at home, idle drones: if they take occasion (though never so just) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wives is a cause that their hearts are clean removed from their own, and set upon strange flesh: whereby the devil gaineth what he desireth, that is, to put asunder such as God hath joined together, and to join those whom God hath put asunder.
§. 11. Of husbands975 intire affection to their wiues.
§. 11. Of husbands entire affection to their wives.*
An husbands affection to his wife muſt be anſwerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife intirely, that is, ſo to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her: In this reſpect the Prophets wife is called the976 deſire, or delight, or pleaſure of his eyes: that wherein he moſt of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety ſo called.
An husbands affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife entirely, that is, so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her: In this respect the Prophets wife is called the976 desire, or delight, or pleasure of his eyes: that wherein he most of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety so called.
This kinde of affection the wiſe-man doth elegantly ſet forth in theſe words, Reioyce with the wife of thy youth: Let her978 be as the louing Hinde, and pleaſant Roe, and be thou rauiſht alwaies with her loue. Here note both the metaphors, and alſo the hyperbole which are vſed to ſet forth an husbands delight in his wife. In the metaphors againe note both the creatures whereunto a wife is reſembled, and alſo the attributes giuen to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Bucke: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Bucke, that of all other beaſts they are moſt inamored (as I may ſo ſpeake) with their mates, and euen mad againe in their heat and deſire after them.
- 978. Pro. 5. 18, 19. expounded.
This kind of affection the wise-man doth elegantly set forth in these words, Rejoice with the wife of thy youth: Let her978 be as the loving Hind, and pleasant Roe, and be thou ravished always with her love. Here note both the metaphors, and also the hyperbole which are used to set forth an husbands delight in his wife. In the metaphors again note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled, and also the attributes given to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Buck: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Buck, that of all other beasts they are most enamoured (as I may so speak) with their mates, and even mad again in their heat and desire after them.
- 978. Prov 5:‸18, 19‸ expounded.
Theſe metaphors hath Salomon vſed to ſet forth that vnfained p. 361 and earneſt, intire and ardent affection which an husband ought to beare vnto his wife: which being taken in a good ſenſe, and rightly applied, ſo as they exceed not the bonds of chriſtian modeſty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpoſe: if we ſtretch them beyond modeſty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghoſt that directed him, and propound a pernicious patterne vnto husbands.
These metaphors hath Solomon used to set forth that unfeigned and earnest, entire and ardent affection which an husband ought to bear unto his wife: which being taken in a good sense, and rightly applied, so as they exceed not the bonds of christian modesty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpose: if we stretch them beyond modesty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him, and propound a pernicious pattern unto husbands.
The attributes giuen to the forenamed creatures much amplifie the point: the former is termed a louing Hind, the latter979 a pleaſant Roe, word for word an Hind of Loues, a Roe of fauour, that is, exceedingly loued and fauoured: (for to ſet forth the extent of Gods loue vnto his Sonne, Chriſt is called the ſonne of his loue:)
- 979. אילת אהבים יעלת חן Col. 1. 13. υἱὸς τῆς ἀγάπης αὐτοῦ.
The attributes given to the forenamed creatures much amplify the point: the former is termed a loving Hind, the latter979 a pleasant Roe, word for word an Hind of Loves, a Roe of favour, that is, exceedingly loved and favoured: (for to set forth the extent of God’s love unto his son, Christ is called the son of his love:)
- 979. אילת אהבים יעלת חן Col‸ 1:‸13‸ υἱὸς τῆς ἀγάπης αὐτοῦ.
Theſe compariſons applied to a wife, doe liuely ſet forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole vſed in this phraſe, be thou rauiſht with her loue, word for word erre thou in her loue,980 by which no ſinfull error, or dotage is meant, but a lawfull earneſt affection: implying two things eſpecially: Firſt ſo far to exceed, as to make a man ouerſee ſome ſuch blemiſhes in his wife, as others would ſoone eſpie and miſlike: or elſe to count them no blemiſhes, delighting in her neuer a whit the leſſe for them. For example, if a man haue a wife, not very beautifull, or proper, but hauing ſome deformity in her body, ſome imperfection in her ſpeech, ſight, geſture, or any part of her body, yet ſo to affect her, and delight in her, as if ſhe were the faireſt, and euery way moſt compleat woman in the world. Secondly, ſo highly to eſteeme, ſo ardently to affect, ſo tenderly to reſpect her, as others may thinke him euen to doat on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within the bonds of honeſty, ſobriety and comelineſſe. The wiues affection ought to be as great to her husband, yet becauſe of the husbands place of authority, he muſt eſpecially take all occaſions to manifeſt this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you ſhall obſerue ſuch affection manifeſted by Chriſt to his Spouſe, as would make one thinke he did (with reuerence in an holy manner to vſe the phraſe) euen erre in his loue and doat on her. A good patterne and p. 362 preſident for husbands. For nothing is more louely them a981 good wife.
These comparisons applied to a wife, do lively set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole used in this phrase, be thou ravished with her love, word for word err thou in her love,980 by which no sinful error, or dotage is meant, but a lawful earnest affection: implying two things especially: First so far to exceed, as to make a man oversee some such blemishes in his wife, as others would soon espy and mislike: or else to count them no blemishes, delighting in her never a whit the less for them. For example, if a man have a wife, not very beautiful, or proper, but having some deformity in her body, some imperfection in her speech, sight, gesture, or any part of her body, yet so to affect her, and delight in her, as if she were the fairest, and every way most complete woman in the world. Secondly, so highly to esteem, so ardently to affect, so tenderly to respect her, as others may think him even to dote on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it be kept within the bonds of honesty, sobriety and comeliness. The wives affection ought to be as great to her husband, yet because of the husbands place of authority, he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you shall observe such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse, as would make one think he did (with reverence in an holy manner to use the phrase) even err in his love and dote on her. A good pattern and precedent for husbands. For nothing is more lovely then a981 good wife.
§. 12. Of the Stoicall diſpoſition of huſbands to their wiues.
§. 12. Of the Stoical disposition of husbands to their wives.
Contrary is the diſpoſition of ſuch husbands as haue no heat, or heart of affection in them: but Stoick-like delight no more in their owne wiues then in any other women, nor account them any dearer then others. A diſpoſition no way warranted by the word. The faithfull Saints of God before mentioned, as alſo many other like to them, were no Stoicks, without all affection: nor did they thinke it a matter vnbeſeeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wiues (witneſſe Iſaacks ſporting with his wife) for this is a priuiledge which appertaineth982 to the eſtate of mariage. But that I be not miſtaken herein, let it be noted that the affection whereof I ſpeake is not a carnall, ſenſuall, beaſtly affection, but ſuch an one as may ſtand with Chriſtian grauitie and ſo briety: hauing relation to the ſoule of a mans wife as well as to her body, grounded both on the neere coniunction of mariage, and alſo on the inward qualities of his wife.
- 982. Gen. 26. 8. [moved in the edition]
Contrary is the disposition of such husbands as have no heat, or heart of affection in them: but Stoick-like delight no more in their own wives then in any other women, nor account them any dearer then others. A disposition no way warranted by the word. The faithful Saints of God before mentioned, as also many other like to them, were no Stoics, without all affection: nor did they think it a matter unbeseeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wives (witness Isaac’s sporting with his wife)982 for this is a privilege which appertaineth to the estate of marriage. But that I be not mistaken herein, let it be noted that the affection whereof I speak is not a carnal, sensual, beastly affection, but such an one as may stand with Christian gravity and sobriety: having relation to the soul of a man’s wife as well as to her body, grounded both on the near conjunction of marriage, and also on the inward qualities of his wife.
- 982. Gen‸ 26:‸8. [moved here by the editor]
Thus farre of an husbands inward reſpect of his wife. It followeth to ſpeake of his outward cariage towards her.
Thus far of an husbands inward respect of his wife. It followeth to speak of his outward carriage towards her.
A Husband’s Humble Gentleness to His Wife
A Husband’s Humble Gentleness to His Wife
§. 13. Of an husbands983 kinde acceptance of ſuch things as his wife doth.
§. 13. Of an husbands kind acceptance of such things as his wife doth.*
S. Peter giueth a generall rule for an husbands outward cariage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his cariage wiſely to his owne honour and his wiues good, that ſo ſhe may haue iuſt cauſe to bleſſe God that euer ſhe was ioyned to ſuch an huſband.
- 983. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved in the edition]
S. Peter giveth a general rule for an husbands outward carriage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his carriage wisely to his own honour and his wives good, that so she may have just cause to bless God that ever she was joined to such an husband.
- 983. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved here by the editor]
Out of this generall theſe two branches ſprout forth.
- 1. That an husband giue no iuſt offence to his wife.
- 2. That wiſely he order that offence which is giuen by her.
Out of this general these two branches sprout forth.
- That an husband give no just offence to his wife.
- That wisely he order that offence which is given by her.
To auoid giuing of offence he muſt haue reſpect,
- 1. To that which ſhe doth as duty to him.
- 2. To that which he doth as duty to her.
To avoid giving of offence he must have respect,
- To that which she doth as duty to him.
- To that which he doth as duty to her.
In regard of the former two things are requiſite:
- p. 363 1. That he kindly accept what ſhe is willing and able to doe.
- 2. That he wiſely commend and reward what ſhe doth well.
In regard of the former two things are requisite:
- That he kindly accept what she is willing and able to do.
- That he wisely commend and reward what she doth well.
Thus hauing for orders ſake laid downe theſe heads, I will diſtinctly handle the ſeuerall points.
Thus having for orders sake laid down these heads, I will distinctly handle the several points.
The firſt particular wherein an husband ſheweth himſelfe984 to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kinde and reſpectiue acceptation of euery good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in teſtimony of his good acceptance of Sarahs pains in nurſing her childe, made a great feaſt when the childe was weined: and Elkanah on a like reſpect gaue liberty985 to his wife to doe what ſeemed her beſt.
The first particular wherein an husband showeth himself984 to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kind and respective acceptation of every good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in testimony of his good acceptance of Sarah’s pains in nursing her child, made a great feast when the child was weaned: and Elkanah on a like respect gave liberty985 to his wife to do what seemed her best.
A great incouragement muſt this needs be vnto wiues to be ſubiect vnto their husbands in all things, when they obſerue no part of their ſubiection to be careleſly neglected, but rather graciouſly accepted: it quickens the ſpirit of a wife to thinke that her care and pains in pleaſing her husband ſhall not be in vaine.
A great encouragement must this needs be unto wives to be subject unto their husbands in all things, when they observe no part of their subjection to be carelessly neglected, but rather graciously accepted: it quickens the spirit of a wife to think that her care and pains in pleasing her husband shall not be in vain.
§. 14. Of husbands ſleighting and reiecting their wiues goodneſſe.
§. 14. Of husbands slighting and rejecting their wives goodness.
Contrary is their practiſe who thinking all which a wife986 doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and ſleightly paſſe it ouer. This oftentimes maketh a wife euen repent the good ſhe hath done, as Dauid repented the ſeruice987 which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wiues ought rather to looke vnto God for his acceptation then vnto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they doe, yet for conſcience ſake, and for the Lords ſake to doe their duty: But yet notwithſtanding conſidering our weakneſſe and backwardneſſe vnto euery duty, it can not be denied but that an husbands ſleight regarding of his wiues goodneſſe is an occaſion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.
Contrary is their practise who thinking all which a wife986 doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and slightly pass it over. This oftentimes maketh a wife even repent the good she hath done, as David repented the service987 which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wives ought rather to look unto God for his acceptation then unto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they do, yet for conscience sake, and for the Lord’s sake to do their duty: But yet notwithstanding considering our weakness and backwardness unto every duty, it can not be denied but that an husbands slight regarding of his wives goodness is an occasion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.
But what may we ſay of ſuch as ſcornfully reiect their wiues988 duty, yea like them the worſe for making conſcience thereof, p. 364 and ſo (cleane contrary to the rule of chriſtianitie) ouercome goodneſſe with euill? Surely they ſhew a very diabolicall ſpirit989 to be in them: and cannot but miniſter much griefe, and offence to their wiues, and make that which they doe to be very irkſome and tedious. Fathers ought not to prouoke their990 children, much leſſe husbands their wiues.
But what may we say of such as scornfully reject their wives988 duty, yea like them the worse for making conscience thereof, and so (clean contrary to the rule of christianity) overcome goodness with evil?989 Surely they show a very diabolical spirit to be in them: and cannot but minister much grief, and offence to their wives, and make that which they do to be very irksome and tedious. Fathers ought not to provoke their990 children, much less husbands their wives.
§. 15. Of husbands991 courteous accepting their wiues reuerend cariage.
§. 15. Of husbands courteous accepting their wives reverend carriage.*
For the better conceiuing of this ſo needfull a point I will992 ſomewhat more particularly and diſtinctly applie the ſame to the ſeuerall duties of a wife: which were drawne to two heads
Reuerence.
Obedience.
Reverence.
Obedience.
For the firſt, if a wife manifeſt her dutifull reſpect of her993 husband by any reuerend behauiour, geſture, or ſpeech, he ought to meet her (as we ſay) in the middeſt of the way, and manifeſt his gratious acceptance thereof by ſome like courteous behauiour, geſture, and ſpeech, being ſeemely, not fooliſh.
- 993. 1. By anſwering reuerence with courteſie. Depone aſperitatem morum cum tibi ſedula vxor occurrit, &c. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.
For the first, if a wife manifest her dutiful respect of her993 husband by any reverend behaviour, gesture, or speech, he ought to meet her (as we say) in the midst of the way, and manifest his gracious acceptance thereof by some like courteous behaviour, gesture, and speech, being seemly, not foolish.
- 993. 1. By answering reverence with courtesy. Depone asperitatem morum cum tibi sedula vxor occurrit, etc‸. Ambr. Hexaem. lib. 5. cap. 7.
Obiect. Thus ſhall an husband abaſe himſelfe, and diſgrace his place.
Object. Thus shall an husband abase himself, and disgrace his place.
Anſw. The courteſie which I ſpeake of as it commeth from a ſuperiour, being a meere voluntary matter and a token994 of kindneſſe and fauour, is no abaſement of himſelfe, but an aduancement of his inferiour: a great grace to her, no diſgrace to him. Abram was counted of the Hittits a Prince of995 God, yet in communing with them he bowed vnto them. It is noted as a commendable thing in Eſau, that though at that time he was his brothers ſuperiour (at leaſt he tooke himſelfe ſo to be) yet obſeruing how Iaakob reuerenced him, bowing ſeuen times to the ground, he ranne to meet him, and embraced996 him, and fell on his necke. Moſt pertinent to the point is the example of King Ahaſhveroſh, who beholding Eſthers reuerend997 ſtanding before him, held out his Scepter vnto her, which in a King is great courteſie.
Answ. The courtesy which I speak of as it cometh from a superior, being a mere voluntary matter and a token994 of kindness and favour, is no abasement of himself, but an advancement of his inferior: a great grace to her, no disgrace to him. Abram was counted of the Hittites a Prince of995 God, yet in communing with them he bowed unto them. It is noted as a commendable thing in Esau, that though at that time he was his brothers superior (at least he took himself so to be) yet observing how Jacob reverenced him, bowing seven times to the ground, he ran to meet him, and embraced996 him, and fell on his neck. Most pertinent to the point is the example of King Ahasuerus, who beholding Esther’s reverend997 standing before him, held out his Scepter unto her, which in a King is great courtesy.
But to put the matter out of all queſtion, let the example of Chriſt noted in Salomons ſong be obſerued, and we ſhall finde his courteſie euery way anſwering the reuerence of his Spouſe.
But to put the matter out of all question, let the example of Christ noted in Solomon’s song be observed, and we shall find his courtesy every way answering the reverence of his Spouse.
§. 15. Of husbands too great loftineſſe.
§. 15. Of husbands too great loftiness.
Contrary is a loftie carriage of husbands to their wiues, who ouerlooke all reuerence ſhewed by wiues, no more reſpecting their wiues in this caſe, then children or ſeruants: or then Kings doe reſpect the reuerence of their ſubiects.
Contrary is a lofty carriage of husbands to their wives, who overlook all reverence showed by wives, no more respecting their wives in this case, then children or servants: or then Kings do respect the reverence of their subjects.
Oft haue I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiours, in which reſpect all euidences of reuerence ſhould much better be reſpected; yet we know that Kings and Queenes will put out their hands to be kiſſed by their ſubiects when they kneele before them, which is a token of courteſie: how much more ought husbands to ſhew courteſie? Vnworthy they are to be reuerenced of their wiues, who too Lord-like ouerlooke them.
Oft have I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiors, in which respect all evidences of reverence should much better be respected; yet we know that Kings and Queens will put out their hands to be kissed by their subjects when they kneel before them, which is a token of courtesy: how much more ought husbands to show courtesy? Unworthy they are to be reverenced of their wives, who too Lord-like overlook them.
§. 16. Of husbands998 ready yeelding to their wiues humble ſuits.
§. 16. Of husbands ready yielding to their wives humble suits.*
Againe, it being a token of reuerence in a wife humbly to999 make knowne her deſire to her husband, he ought to ſhew ſo much courteſie as readily to grant her deſire: this courteſie the forenamed1000 Ahaſhueroſh afforded to Eſther:1001 Dauid to Bathſheba:1002 Iſaak to Rebekah:1003 Abraham to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wiues.1004 Abraham ſhewed herein ſuch reſpect to his wife, that though the thing which ſhe deſired were grieuous to him, yet he yeelded to his wife.
Again, it being a token of reverence in a wife humbly to999 make known her desire to her husband, he ought to show so much courtesy as readily to grant her desire: this courtesy the forenamed Ahasuerus1000 afforded to Esther: David1001 to Bathsheba: Isaac1002 to Rebekah: Abraham1003 to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wives. Abraham1004 showed herein such respect to his wife, that though the thing which she desired were grievous to him, yet he yielded to his wife.
- 998. Treat. 3. §. 15. [moved here by the editor]
- 999. 2. By granting her humble request.
- 1000. Esth 5:‸3. [moved here by the editor]
- 1001. 1 Kgs 1:‸28. etc‸. [moved here by the editor]
- 1002. Gen‸ 28:‸1. [moved here by the editor]
- 1003. Gen 16:‸6. [moved here by the editor]
- 1004. Gen 21:‸10, 11. [moved here by the editor]
Obiect. God firſt commanded him ſo to doe.
Object. God first commanded him so to do.
Anſw. This addeth the more force vnto the argument, ſhewing that it is Gods expreſſe will, that an husband ſhould ſhew this kinde of courteſie to his wife. Much more ought a man to doe at his wiues requeſt then at any others, whether friend, childe, or parent: yea much more free, forward and cheerefull ought he to ſhew himſelfe in granting his wiues requeſt then any others: prouided notwithſtanding that her deſire be of that which may lawfully be granted: to yeeld in things vnlawfull is to loſe his authoritie, as was ſhewed1005 before.
- 1005. §. 5.
Answ. This addeth the more force unto the argument, showing that it is God’s express will, that an husband should show this kind of courtesy to his wife. Much more ought a man to do at his wives request then at any others, whether friend, child, or parent: yea much more free, forward and cheerful ought he to show himself in granting his wives request then any others: provided notwithstanding that her desire be of that which may lawfully be granted: to yield in things unlawful is to lose his authority, as was showed1005 before.
- 1005. §. 5.
§. 17. Of husbands harſhneſſe to their wiues.
§. 17. Of husbands harshness to their wives.
Contrary is the harſhneſſe of their diſpoſition who yeeld to their wiues requeſt as an hard-milch-cow letteth downe her milke, not without much adoe: whereby the grace of all their p. 366 yeelding is taken away. There can be no courteſie in yeelding, when it is againſt their minde and will forced from them: their wiues muſt aske, and intreat againe and againe, yea be forced to vſe the mediation of others to perſwade their huſbands to yeeld to their requeſt before they will yeeld, if at all they yeeld. What is this but to proclaime to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wiues? If a wiues breath be ſtrange to her husband, aſſuredly his heart is firſt ſtrange to her: which is the readie way to make him ſet his heart on ſtrange women.
Contrary is the harshness of their disposition who yield to their wives request as an hard-milch-cow letteth down her milk, not without much ado: whereby the grace of all their yielding is taken away. There can be no courtesy in yielding, when it is against their mind and will forced from them: their wives must ask, and entreat again and again, yea be forced to use the mediation of others to persuade their husbands to yield to their request before they will yield, if at all they yield. What is this but to proclaim to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wives? If a wives breath be strange to her husband, assuredly his heart is first strange to her: which is the ready way to make him set his heart on strange women.
§. 18. Of husbands1006 forbearing to exact all that they may.
§. 18. Of husbands forbearing to exact all that they may.*
As a wiues reuerence ſo alſo her obedience muſt be anſwered with her husbands courteſie. In teſtimony whereof, An huſband1007 muſt be ready to accept that wherein his wife ſheweth her ſelfe willing to obey him. He ought to be ſparing in exacting too much of her: in this caſe he ought ſo to frame his cariage towards her, as that obedience which ſhe performeth, may rather come from her owne voluntary diſpoſition, from a free conſcience to God-wards, euen becauſe God hath placed her in a place of ſubiection, and from a wiue-like loue, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.
As a wives reverence so also her obedience must be answered with her husbands courtesy. In testimony whereof, An husband1007 must be ready to accept that wherein his wife showeth her self willing to obey him. He ought to be sparing in exacting too much of her: in this case he ought so to frame his carriage towards her, as that obedience which she performeth, may rather come from her own voluntary disposition, from a free conscience to God-wards, even because God hath placed her in a place of subjection, and from a wive-like love, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.
Husbands ought not to exact of their wiues, whatſoeuer1008 wiues ought to yeeld vnto if it be exacted. They muſt obſerue what is lawfull, needfull, conuenient, expedient, fit for their wiues to doe, yea and what they are moſt willing to doe before they be too peremptorie in exacting it. For example.
- 1008. 4. By forbearing to exact too much.
Husbands ought not to exact of their wives, whatsoever1008 wives ought to yield unto if it be exacted. They must observe what is lawful, needful, convenient, expedient, fit for their wives to do, yea and what they are most willing to do before they be too peremptory in exacting it. For example.
- 1008. 4. By forbearing to exact too much.
1. Though the wife ought to goe with her husband, and1009 dwell where he thinkes meet, yet ought not he (vnleſſe by vertue of ſome vrgent calling he be forced thereto) remoue her from place to place, and carrie her from that place where ſhe is well ſetled without her good liking.1010 Iaakob conſulted with his wiues, and made try all of their willingneſſe, before he carried them from their fathers houſe.
1. Though the wife ought to go with her husband, and1009 dwell where he thinks meet, yet ought not he (unless by virtue of some urgent calling he be forced thereto) remove her from place to place, and carry her from that place where she is well settled without her good liking. Jacob1010 consulted with his wives, and made trial of their willingness, before he carried them from their fathers house.
2. Though ſhe ought cheerefully to entertaine what gueſts1011 he bringeth into the houſe, yet ought not he to be grieuous and burdenſome therein vnto her: the greateſt care and pains for entertaining gueſts lyeth on the wife: ſhe ought therefore to be tendred therein.
- 1011. 6. By forbearing to tire her with gueſts.
2. Though she ought cheerfully to entertain what guests1011 he bringeth into the house, yet ought not he to be grievous and burdensome therein unto her: the greatest care and pains for entertaining guests lieth on the wife: she ought therefore to be tendered therein.
- 1011. 6. By forbearing to tire her with guests.
p. 367 If he obſerue her conſcionable and wiſe, well able to manage1012 and order matters about houſe, yet loth to doe any thing without his conſent, he ought to be ready and free in yeelding his conſent, and ſatisfying her deſire, as1013, Elkanah: and if ſhe be baſhfull and backward in asking conſent, he ought voluntarily of himſelfe to offer it: yea and to giue her a generall conſent to order and diſpoſe matters as in her wiſdome ſhe ſeeth meet, as the ſaid Elkanah did: (Doe (ſaith he to his wife) what ſeemeth thee good:) and1014 the husband of that good houſewife which Salomon deſcribeth.
If he observe her conscionable and wise, well able to manage1012 and order matters about house, yet loth to do any thing without his consent, he ought to be ready and free in yielding his consent, and satisfying her desire, as ‸ Elkanah:1013 and if she be bashful and backward in asking consent, he ought voluntarily of himself to offer it: yea and to give her a general consent to order and dispose matters as in her wisdom she seeth meet, as the said Elkanah did: (Do (saith he to his wife) what seemeth thee good:) and1014 the husband of that good housewife which Solomon describeth.
A generall conſent is eſpecially requiſite for ordering of houſhold affaires: for it is a charge laid vpon wiues to1015 guide the houſe: whereby it appeareth that the buſineſſes of the houſe appertaine, and are moſt proper to the wife: in which reſpect ſhe is called the1016 houſ-wife: ſo as therein husbands ought to referre matters to their ordering, and not reſtraine them in euery particular matter from doing any thing without a ſpeciall licence and direction. To exemplifie this in1017 ſome particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,
- 1. To1018 order the decking and trimming of the houſe.
- 2. To1019 diſpoſe the ordinary prouiſion for the family.
- 3. To1020 rule and gouerne maid ſeruants.
- 4. To1021 bring vp children while they are young, with the like.
Theſe therefore ought he with a generall conſent to referre to her diſcretion: with limitation only of theſe two1022 cautions.
A general consent is especially requisite for ordering of household affairs: for it is a charge laid upon wives to1015 guide the house: whereby it appeareth that the businesses of the house appertain, and are most proper to the wife: in which respect she is called the1016 housewife: so as therein husbands ought to refer matters to their ordering, and not restrain them in every particular matter from doing any thing without a special licence and direction. To exemplify this in1017 some particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,
- To1018 order the decking and trimming of the house.
- To1019 dispose the ordinary provision for the family.
- To1020 rule and govern maid servants.
- To1021 bring up children while they are young, with the like.
These therefore ought he with a general consent to refer to her discretion: with limitation only of these two1022 cautions.
2. That he haue a generall ouerſight in all, and ſo interpoſe his authority as he ſuffer nothing that is vnlawfull or vnſeemly to be done by his wife about houſe, children, ſeruants, or other things: for
- 1. The generall charge of all lieth principally vpon him.
- 2. He ſhall giue an account vnto God for all things that are amiſſe in his houſe.
3. The blame of all will alſo before men lie vpon him.
2. That he have a general oversight in all, and so interpose his authority as he suffer nothing that is unlawful or unseemly to be done by his wife about house, children, servants, or other things: for
- The general charge of all lieth principally upon him.
- He shall give an account unto God for all things that are amiss in his house.
- The blame of all will also before men lie upon him.
But thoſe two cautions prouided, he ought together with p. 368 his generall conſent1024 put truſt in his wife, (as1025 Potiphar did in Ioſeph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of yeeres, friends, or ſeruants whom he imployeth in his affaires. Them in euery particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a ſtrait account of them for expences laid out, or other things done: becauſe what they doe is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a ioynt parent of his children, and gouernour of his houſe, to whoſe good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that reſpect doth for her ſelfe that which ſhe doth for her husband) greater liberty, and licence muſt be giuen.
But those two cautions provided, he ought together with his general consent put trust1024 in his wife, (as Potiphar1025 did in Joseph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of years, friends, or servants whom he employeth in his affairs. Them in every particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a strait account of them for expenses laid out, or other things done: because what they do is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a joint parent of his children, and governor of his house, to whose good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that respect doth for her self that which she doth for her husband) greater liberty, and licence must be given.
§. 19. Of husbands too much ſtrictneſſe towards their wiues.
§. 19. Of husbands too much strictness towards their wives.
Contrary is the rigour and auſteritie of many husbands, who ſtand vpon the vttermoſt ſtep of their authoritie, and yeeld no more to a wife then to any other inferiour. Such are they
Contrary is the rigour and austerity of many husbands, who stand upon the uttermost step of their authority, and yield no more to a wife then to any other inferior. Such are they
2. Who care not how grieuous and burdenſome they are to their wiues: grieuous by bringing ſuch gueſts into the houſe as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdenſome by tu frequent, and vnſeaſonable inuiting of gueſts, or impoſing other like extraordinary buſineſſes, ouer and aboue the ordinary affaires of the houſe. Too frequent impoſing of ſuch things, cannot but breed much weariſomneſſe. Vnſeaſonable (as when the wife is weake by ſickneſſe, childe-bearing, giuing ſucke or other like meanes, and ſo not able to giue that contentment which otherwiſe ſhe would) cannot but much diſquiet her, and giue her great offence.
2. Who care not how grievous and burdensome they are to their wives: grievous by bringing such guests into the house as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdensome by too frequent, and unseasonable inviting of guests, or imposing other like extraordinary businesses, over and above the ordinary affairs of the house. Too frequent imposing of such things, cannot but breed much wearisomeness. Unseasonable (as when the wife is weak by sickness, child-bearing, giving suck or other like means, and so not able to give that contentment which otherwise she would) cannot but much disquiet her, and give her great offence.
3. Who hold their wiues vnder as if they were children or ſeruants, reſtraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular expreſſe conſent.
3. Who hold their wives under as if they were children or servants, restraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular express consent.
4. Who are ouer buſie in prying into euery buſineſſe of the houſe, and will haue their hand in all. Beſides that ſuch huſbands afford no opportunity to their wiues of giuing proofe of that vnderſtanding, wit, wiſdome, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withall, they take away that maine end for which a wife was giuen a man, namely, to be an p. 369 helpe. Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty1027 matters, which more properly belong vnto them. For obſerue it and you ſhall finde, that ſuch husbands as are moſt buſie about the priuate affaires of the houſe appertaining to their wiues, are moſt negligent of ſuch affaires as appertaine vnto themſelues: they thinke they walke in integrity, but yet are they not iuſt nor wiſe therein: for the iuſt man walketh in HIS integrity,1028 and the wiſdome of the prudent is to vnderſtand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his owne peculiar place; and his owne way: but euery foole will be medling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.1029
4. Who are over busy in prying into every business of the house, and will have their hand in all. Besides that such husbands afford no opportunity to their wives of giving proof of that understanding, wit, wisdom, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withal, they take away that main end for which a wife was given a man, namely, to be an help.1027 Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty matters, which more properly belong unto them. For observe it and you shall find, that such husbands as are most busy about the private affairs of the house appertaining to their wives, are most negligent of such affairs as appertain unto themselves: they think they walk in integrity, but yet are they not just nor wise therein: for the just man walketh in HIS integrity,1028 and the wisdom of the prudent is to understand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his own peculiar place; and his own way: but every fool will be meddling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.1029
5. Who are ouer ſuſpicious of their wiues, and thereupon ouer ſtrickt in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth ſurmizes1030 euill, and that not without iuſt cauſe: for euill they are in their nature, and euill in their effects, being occaſions of many miſchiefes: but in none ſo euill as in husbands ouer their wiues. If a wiues fidelity (to whoſe good the welfare of the family, and increaſe of the ſtocke redoundeth as well as to the huſbands) be without iuſt cauſe ſuſpected, who ſhall be truſted? It is the ouerthrow of many families, that ſeruants are truſted, and not wiues.
- 1030. 1 Tim. 6. 4.
5. Who are over suspicious of their wives, and thereupon over strict in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth surmises1030 evil, and that not without just cause: for evil they are in their nature, and evil in their effects, being occasions of many mischiefs: but in none so evil as in husbands over their wives. If a wives fidelity (to whose good the welfare of the family, and increase of the stock redoundeth as well as to the husbands) be without just cause suspected, who shall be trusted? It is the overthrow of many families, that servants are trusted, and not wives.
- 1030. 1 Tim‸ 6:‸4.
Thus farre of an husbands kinde acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to doe.
Thus far of an husbands kind acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to do.
§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wiues in good things.
§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wives in good things.
The loue which an husband oweth to his wife, further requireth1031 that he wiſely commend and reward what ſhe hath well done. That which the Apoſtle faith of the Magiſtrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Doe that which is good, and thou ſhalt haue praiſe of the ſame. It is expreſly noted in the deſcription of a good husband,1032 that he praiſeth his wife: and in that he ſaith,1033 Giue her of the1034 fruit of her hands, it is implied alſo that he rewardeth her.
The love which an husband oweth to his wife, further requireth1031 that he wisely commend and reward what she hath well done. That which the Apostle saith of the Magistrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same.1032 It is expressly noted in the description of a good husband, that he praiseth his wife:1033 and in that he saith, Give her of the1034 fruit of her hands, it is implied also that he rewardeth her.
This is an vndoubted euidence of his good acceptance of her duty, and a further incouragement to ſtir her vp to goe on and continue in well doing. Yea this is alſo an euidence of his by and delight both in her perſon, and alſo in her well doing. If there be no delight in ones perſon, well doing will rather p. 370 ſtir vp enuy then ioy: and they that enuy a mans well doing, will neuer commend, or reward him for it.
This is an undoubted evidence of his good acceptance of her duty, and a further encouragement to stir her up to go on and continue in well doing. Yea this is also an evidence of his joy and delight both in her person, and also in her well doing. If there be no delight in ones person, well doing will rather stir up envy then joy: and they that envy a man’s well doing, will never commend, or reward him for it.
§. 21. Of husbands vngratefull diſcouraging their wiues.
§. 21. Of husbands ungrateful discouraging their wives.
Contrary is an vngratefull, if not enuious diſpoſition of ſuch1036 husbands, as paſſing by many good things ordinarily and vſually euery day done by their wiues without any approbation, commendation or remuneration, are ready to diſpraiſe the leaſt ſlip, or neglect in them; and that in ſuch generall termes as if they neuer did any thing well, ſo as their wiues may well complaine and ſay as it is in the prouerbe,
- 1036. Quisque ſuam laudot, ſtudijs certamina creſcunt. Ouid. Faſt. lib. 2.
Contrary is an ungrateful, if not envious disposition of such1036 husbands, as passing by many good things ordinarily and usually every day done by their wives without any approbation, commendation or remuneration, are ready to dispraise the least slip, or neglect in them; and that in such general terms as if they never did any thing well, so as their wives may well complain and say as it is in the proverb,
- 1036. Quisque suam laudat, studijs certamina crescunt. Ouid. Fast. lib. 2.
Oft did I well, and that heare I neuer:
Oft did I well, and that hear I never:
Once did I ill, and that heare I euer.
Once did I ill, and that hear I ever.
Yet ſuch will be ready to praiſe other mens wiues, and vp braid their owne wiues with the examples of thoſe other, when their owne doe farre excell them in all kinde of goodneſſe. What doth this ſhew but that either they take no notice of their own wiues goodneſſe, or elſe by reaſon of the commonneſſe thereof little regard it? If their wiues haue not the more grace in them, this diſpoſition is enough not only to diſcourage them from doing any good duty, but alſo to breed iealouſie in them, and to alienate their hearts from them.
Yet such will be ready to praise other men’s wives, and upbraid their own wives with the examples of those other, when their own do far excel them in all kind of goodness. What doth this show but that either they take no notice of their own wives goodness, or else by reason of the commonness thereof little regard it? If their wives have not the more grace in them, this disposition is enough not only to discourage them from doing any good duty, but also to breed jealousy in them, and to alienate their hearts from them.
Hitherto of that reſpect which an husband is to haue of that duty which his wife performeth to him.
- 1037. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved in the edition]
Hitherto of that respect which an husband is to have of that duty which his wife performeth to him.
- 1037. Treat. 3. §. 10. [moved here by the editor]
For auoiding iuſt offence, an husband muſt further haue good reſpect to that which as duty he doth to his wife. As kindly he muſt accept duty at his wiues hands, ſo mildly he muſt performe that1038 duty which he oweth to her.
- 1038. Oportet virum praecſſe vxori oblectando, & indulgendo. Plut. praec. Connub.
For avoiding just offence, an husband must further have good respect to that which as duty he doth to his wife. As kindly he must accept duty at his wives hands, so mildly he must perform that1038 duty which he oweth to her.
- 1038. Oportet virum praeesse vxori oblectando, & indulgendo. Plut. praec. Connub.
This mildneſſe is an eſpeciall fruit, and euidence of loue, and a notable meanes to take away all offence that otherwiſe might be taken from many things which he doth. Sugar and Hony are not more pleaſant to the tongue, then mildneſſe to the heart; it cauſeth ſuch things as otherwiſe are irkſome and grieuous to the ſoule, to be well taken and applied, euen as bitter pils dipt in ſweet ſyrrop, or rolled vp in the ſoft pap of p. 371 an apple, are ſoone ſwallowed downe and well digeſted. If an husband deſire to be accounted a ſeruant of the Lord he muſt learne this leſſon: For the ſeruant of the Lord muſt be gentle to all men. If any other ſeruant of the Lord, much more huſbands:1039 if to all men, moſt of all to their wiues: and that in many reſpects.
- 1. Becauſe of the neere vnion betwixt man and wife.
- 2. Becauſe of the ioynt authority ſhe hath with him ouer others: that herein he may be a preſident and example to her.
- 3. Becauſe of her weakneſſe: glaſſes are tenderly handled: a ſmall knocke ſoone breakes them.
- 1039. 2 Tim. 2. 24. [moved in the edition]
This mildness is an especial fruit, and evidence of love, and a notable means to take away all offence that otherwise might be taken from many things which he doth. Sugar and Honey are not more pleasant to the tongue, then mildness to the heart; it causeth such things as otherwise are irksome and grievous to the soul, to be well taken and applied, even as bitter pills dipped in sweet syrup, or rolled up in the soft pap of an apple, are soon swallowed down and well digested. If an husband desire to be accounted a servant of the Lord he must learn this lesson: For the servant of the Lord must be gentle to all men.1039 If any other servant of the Lord, much more husbands: if to all men, most of all to their wives: and that in many respects.
- Because of the near union betwixt man and wife.
- Because of the joint authority she hath with him over others: that herein he may be a precedent and example to her.
- Because of her weakness: glasses are tenderly handled: a small knock soon breaks them.
- 1039. 2 Tim‸ 2:‸24. [moved here by the editor]
§. 23. Of husbands bitterneſſe.
§. 23. Of husbands bitterness.
Contrary is bitterneſſe, a vice expreſly forbidden, and that in particular to husbands. A vice that cannot ſtand with an huſband-like loue: whereupon the Apoſtle commanding the one forbiddeth the other, Loue (ſaith he) and be not bitter. Nothing1040 more turneth the edge of his authority, peruerteth the vſe of his gouernment, prouoketh the ſtomacke of his wife, maketh his words and deeds leſſe regarded, then bitterneſſe. It is as gall and wormwood mixed with ſweet and wholeſome meats, which cauſeth that they cannot be well digeſted, but with violence are ſpit out againe ſo ſoone as euer they be taſted. Men in authority are much prone hereunto: and therefore O husbands be ſo much the more watchfull againſt it, loue your wiues and be not bitter vnto them.
- 1040. Col. 3 19. [moved in the edition]
Contrary is bitterness, a vice expressly forbidden, and that in particular to husbands. A vice that cannot stand with an husband-like love: whereupon the Apostle commanding the one forbiddeth the other, love (saith he) and be not bitter.1040 Nothing more turneth the edge of his authority, perverteth the use of his government, provoketh the stomach of his wife, maketh his words and deeds less regarded, then bitterness. It is as gall and wormwood mixed with sweet and wholesome meats, which causeth that they cannot be well digested, but with violence are spit out again so soon as ever they be tasted. Men in authority are much prone hereunto: and therefore O husbands be so much the more watchful against it, love your wives and be not bitter unto them.
- 1040. Col‸ 3:‸19. [moved here by the editor]
A Husband’s Patient Correcting of His Wife
A Husband’s Patient Correcting of His Wife
§. 24. Of the1041 Titles which an husband giueth to his wife.
§. 24. Of the Titles which an husband giveth to his wife.*
The forenamed mildeneſſe of an huſband muſt be manifeſted in his Speech,
Cariage.
- 1041. Treat. 3. §. 13. 14. Wherein a husbands mildneſſe is manifeſted. [moved in the edition]
The forenamed mildness of an husband must be manifested in his
- Speech.‸
- Carriage.
- 1041. Treat. 3. §. 13. 14. Wherein a husbands mildness is manifested. [moved here by the editor]
For ſo far as reuerence extends it ſelfe in the duties of wiues, muſt mildneſſe be extended in the duties of husbands.
For so far as reverence extends it self in the duties of wives, must mildness be extended in the duties of husbands.
1. For his ſpeech to her, 1. The titles wherewith he calleth her. 2. The inſtructions which he giueth her. 3. The commandements which he layeth vpon her. 4. The reproofes wherewith he checketh her, muſt all be mixed with mildneſſe.
1. For his speech to her, 1. The titles wherewith he calleth her. 2. The instructions which he giveth her. 3. The commandments which he layeth upon her. 4. The reproofs wherewith he checketh her, must all be mixed with mildness.
Among other titles, the moſt ordinary and vſuall title (wife)1043 p. 372 is a milde and kinde title, and leaſt offenſiue of all other: if an husband giue any other title to his wife, it muſt be ſuch an one as manifeſteth kindneſſe, familiaritie, loue, and delight. Such are all the titles which Chriſt giueth to the Church, as Spouſe, Loue, Doue, with the like. I doe not deny but that in the Song of Salomon, and in other places of Scripture many titles are giuen and ſpeeches vſed by Chriſt to the Church which are not meet to be vſed by husbands to their wiues, becauſe they are metaphoricall, and hyperbolicall: but yet in them all we may obſerue tokens of amiableneſſe, kindneſſe, and mildneſſe, which is the end for which I haue alledged his example.
- 1043. 1. Mild and kinde titles.
Among other titles, the most ordinary and usual title (wife)1043 is a mild and kind title, and least offensive of all other: if an husband give any other title to his wife, it must be such an one as manifesteth kindness, familiarity, love, and delight. Such are all the titles which Christ giveth to the Church, as Spouse, love, Dove, with the like. I do not deny but that in the Song of Solomon, and in other places of Scripture many titles are given and speeches used by Christ to the Church which are not meet to be used by husbands to their wives, because they are metaphorical, and hyperbolical: but yet in them all we may observe tokens of amiableness, kindness, and mildness, which is the end for which I have alleged his example.
- 1043. 1. Mild and kind titles.
But contrary are ſuch titles as on the one ſide ſet the wife1044 in too high a place ouer her husband, as Lady, Miſtreſſe, Dame, Mother, &c. And on the other ſide ſet her in too meane a rancke, as woman, wench, &c. And their Chriſtian names contracted, as Sal, Mal, Beſſe, Nan. &c. and names of kindred, as Siſter, and Coſen: and, opprobrious names, as ſtut, drab, queant; and names more befitting beaſts then wiues, as Cole, Browne, Muggle, &c.
- 1044. Contrary, vnſeemely titles.
But contrary are such titles as on the one side set the wife1044 in too high a place over her husband, as Lady, mistress, Dame, mother, etc‸. And on the other side set her in too mean a rank, as woman, wench, etc‸. And their Christian names contracted, as Sal, Mal, Bess, Nan. etc‸. And names of kindred, as sister, and Cousin: and, opprobrious names, as slut, drab, quean; and names more befitting beasts then wives, as Cole, Browne, Muggle, etc‸.
- 1044. Contrary, unseemly titles.
Obiect. Theſe are titles of mildneſſe, kindneſſe, and much familiarity: for husbands call their wiues by theſe names, not when they are angry with them and diſpleaſed, but ordinarily, and vſually, euen when they are beſt pleaſed.
Object. These are titles of mildness, kindness, and much familiarity: for husbands call their wives by these names, not when they are angry with them and displeased, but ordinarily, and usually, even when they are best pleased.
Anſw. The mildneſſe and familiarity which is required of an husband muſt be ſuch as may ſtand with his authority and place of eminency (as ſome of thoſe names doe not,) and with that neere coniunction which is betwixt man and wife about all others (as other doe not,) and with Chriſtian grauity and diſcretion (as other doe not.) Chriſtians therefore muſt take heed that by their practiſe they iuſtifie not corrupt cuſtomes.
Answ. The mildness and familiarity which is required of an husband must be such as may stand with his authority and place of eminency (as some of those names do not,) and with that near conjunction which is betwixt man and wife above all others (as other do not,) and with Christian gravity and discretion (as other do not.) Christians therefore must take heed that by their practise they justify not corrupt customs.
§. 25. Of an husbands manner of inſtructing his wife.
§. 25. Of an husbands manner of instructing his wife.
2. To inſtruction the Apoſtle expreſly annexeth meekneſſe,1045 Inſtruct (ſaith he) with meekeneſſe, thoſe that oppoſe themſelues. If miniſters muſt vſe meekeneſſe when they inſtruct their people, much more husbands when they inſtruct their wiues: if1046 in caſe of oppoſition meekeneſſe muſt not be laid aſide, then in no caſe, at no time.
2. To instruction the Apostle expressly annexeth meekness,1045 Instruct (saith he) with meekness, those that oppose themselves. If ministers must use meekness when they instruct their people, much more husbands when they instruct their wives: if1046 in case of opposition meekness must not be laid aside, then in no case, at no time.
1. Note the vnderſtanding and capacity of thy wife, and accordingly fit thine inſtructions: if ſhe be of meane capacity, giue precept vpon precept, line vpon line, here a little and there a little: a little at once oft giuen (namely euery day ſomething) will ariſe in time to a great meaſure, and ſo ariſe, as, together with knowledge of the thing taught, loue of the perſon that teacheth will increaſe.
1. Note the understanding and capacity of thy wife, and accordingly fit thine instructions: if she be of mean capacity, give precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little and there a little: a little at once oft given (namely every day something) will arise in time to a great measure, and so arise, as, together with knowledge of the thing taught, love of the person that teacheth will increase.
2. Inſtruct her in priuate betwixt thy ſelfe and her, that ſo her ignorance may not be blazed forth: priuate actions paſſing betwixt man and wife are tokens of much kindneſſe and familiarity.
2. Instruct her in private betwixt thy self and her, that so her ignorance may not be blazed forth: private actions passing betwixt man and wife are tokens of much kindness and familiarity.
3. In the family ſo inſtruct children and ſeruants when ſhe is preſent, as ſhe may learne knowledge thereby: there can be no more meeke and gentle manner of inſtructing, then by one to inſtruct another.
3. In the family so instruct children and servants when she is present, as she may learn knowledge thereby: there can be no more meek and gentle manner of instructing, then by one to instruct another.
Contrary is an harſh and rough manner of inſtructing, when husbands goe about to thruſt into their wiues heads, as it were by violence, deepe myſteries which they are not able to conceiue, and yet if they conceiue not, they will be angry with them, and in anger giue them euill language, and proclaime their ignorance before children, ſeruants, and ſtrangers. This harſhneſſe is ordinarily ſo fruitleſſe, and withall ſo exaſperateth a womans ſpirit, as I thinke he were better cleane omit the duty then doe it after ſuch a manner.
Contrary is an harsh and rough manner of instructing, when husbands go about to thrust into their wives heads, as it were by violence, deep mysteries which they are not able to conceive, and yet if they conceive not, they will be angry with them, and in anger give them evil language, and proclaim their ignorance before children, servants, and strangers. This harshness is ordinarily so fruitless, and withal so exasperateth a woman’s spirit, as I think he were better clean omit the duty then do it after such a manner.
§. 26. Of an husbands manner of1049 commanding his wife any thing.
§. 26. Of an husbands manner of commanding his wife any thing.*
3. The commandements which an husband giueth to his wife, whether they be affirmatiue (bidding her to doe ſomething) or negatiue (forbidding her to doe this or that) muſt all be ſeaſoned with mildneſſe. For which end reſpect muſt be had to the matter and manner of his commandements.
- 1049. Treat. 3. §. 43, 51, 52. 63, 64. &c. Commandements to be ordered with mildneſſe. [moved in the edition]
3. The commandments which an husband giveth to his wife, whether they be affirmative (bidding her to do something) or negative (forbidding her to do this or that) must all be seasoned with mildness. For which end respect must be had to the matter and manner of his commandments.
- 1049. Treat. 3. §. 43, 51, 52. 63, 64. etc‸. Commandments to be ordered with mildness. [moved here by the editor]
And on the contrary, the things which he forbiddeth muſt be
- 1. Such as are indeed vnlawfull to be done.1051
- 2. Such as he can euidently proue vnto her to be vnlawfull.
- 3. Such as are vnbeſeeming her place.
- 4. Such as will haue ſome euill and miſchieuous effect if they be done.
- 1051. What things he may forbid his wife.
1. To command a thing vnlawfull, or forbid a thing which ought to be done, is to bring his owne authority into oppoſition with Gods: in which caſe he bringeth his wife into this ſtrait, either to reiect Gods commandement or his. How then can ſhe thinke that her husband loueth her, when he bringeth her into ſuch ſnares and ſtraits, that ſhe muſt needs fall into the gulfe of Gods diſpleaſure, or knocke againſt the rocke of her husbands offence? Mildneſſe is farre from ſuch commandements.
1. To command a thing unlawful, or forbid a thing which ought to be done, is to bring his own authority into opposition with God’s: in which case he bringeth his wife into this strait, either to reject God’s commandment or his. How then can she think that her husband loveth her, when he bringeth her into such snares and straits, that she must needs fall into the gulf of God’s displeasure, or knock against the rock of her husbands offence? Mildness is far from such commandments.
2. The like may be ſaid of ſuch things as to a wiues conſcience1052 ſeeme to be ſinnefull, if they be enioyned to her; or her bounden duty, if they be forbidden: eſpecially if ſhe haue any ground for her conſcience out of Gods word. The conſcience is ſubiect to God alone: if it be forced it will be a fearefull horror, and a very hell in that party whoſe conſcience is forced: She that doubteth is condemned if ſhe doe that whereof1053 ſhe maketh doubt.
2. The like may be said of such things as to a wives conscience1052 seem to be sinful, if they be enjoined to her; or her bounden duty, if they be forbidden: especially if she have any ground for her conscience out of God’s word. The conscience is subject to God alone: if it be forced it will be a fearful horror, and a very hell in that party whose conscience is forced: She that doubteth is condemned if she do that whereof1053 she maketh doubt.
Anſw. 1. In things meerely doubtfull concerning which the partie in ſubiection hath not warrant out of Gods word one way or other, it may be ſo. But when the conſcience doth not doubt and hang in ſuſpence, but is out of ſome ground taken from Gods word perſwaded that that which is commanded is vnlawfull, or that which is forbidden is a bounden dutie, then to doe this, or to leaue that vndone, is to the party ſo perſwaded a ſinne: and this is the doubting (whereof the p. 375 Apoſtle ſpeaketh) that condemneth a man. In this caſe to vrge a wife to doe this, or not to doe that, is to vrge her to ſinne: which a milde ſpirit and louing heart will not doe.
Answ. 1. In things merely doubtful concerning which the party in subjection hath not warrant out of God’s word one way or other, it may be so. But when the conscience doth not doubt and hang in suspense, but is out of some ground taken from God’s word persuaded that that which is commanded is unlawful, or that which is forbidden is a bounden duty, then to do this, or to leave that undone, is to the party so persuaded a sin: and this is the doubting (whereof the Apostle speaketh) that condemneth a man. In this case to urge a wife to do this, or not to do that, is to urge her to sin: which a mild spirit and loving heart will not do.
2. Though the husbands command be ſufficient warrant to the wife, and if he peremptorily preſſe her to this or that, ſhe ought to yeeld, yet the loue and mildneſſe required of an husband ſhould make him ſo to tender her as to remit ſomething of his power, and when he ſeeth her conſcience troubled about his command, to releeue her conſcience by for bearing to preſſe that which ſeemeth ſo burthenſome to her. A husband may ſinne in preſſing that too much vpon his wife, which ſhe vpon his preſſing may without ſinne yeeld vnto.
2. Though the husbands command be sufficient warrant to the wife, and if he peremptorily press her to this or that, she ought to yield, yet the love and mildness required of an husband should make him so to tender her as to remit something of his power, and when he seeth her conscience troubled about his command, to relieve her conscience by forbearing to press that which seemeth so burdensome to her. A husband may sin in pressing that too much upon his wife, which she upon his pressing may without sin yield unto.
§. 27. Of an husbands1055 wiſe carriage when his wife is erroneeuſly ſcrupulous.
§. 27. Of an husbands wise carriage when his wife is erroneously scrupulous.1055
2. Obiect. What if an husband vpon his knowledge obſerue his wife to be erroneouſly ſcrupulous, and to miſinterpret and miſapply the word of God which ſhe maketh the ground of her ſcruple?
- 1055. Treat. 4. §. 66. [moved in the edition]
2. Object. What if an husband upon his knowledge observe his wife to be erroneously scrupulous, and to misinterpret and misapply the word of God which she maketh the ground of her scruple?
- 1055. Treat. 4. §. 66. [moved here by the editor]
Anſw. He muſt firſt labour to reſolue her conſcience by a plaine diſcouery of her error; which is a true and a great token of loue: if notwithſtanding all that he can doe in that kinde ſhe cannot be brought to yeeld to that which he would haue, then he muſt carefully obſerue theſe two things.
- 1. Whether her refuſing to yeeld, be an obſtinacy, or weakeneſſe.
- 2. Whether it be about a ſleight or weighty matter.
Answ. He must first labour to resolve her conscience by a plain discovery of her error; which is a true and a great token of love: if notwithstanding all that he can do in that kind she cannot be brought to yield to that which he would have, then he must carefully observe these two things.
- Whether her refusing to yield, be an obstinacy, or weakness.
- Whether it be about a slight or weighty matter.
By the reaſons which ſhe rendreth, and her manner of preſſing1056 them, he may diſcerne whether weakeneſſe or obſtinacy make her ſtand out againſt him: if the reaſon which ſhe reſteth on taken from Gods word be doubtfull, and to one that hath not a good ſound iudgement, and a ſharpe diſcerning wit, it may appeare to make ſomething for her, it is to be preſuppoſed that there is more weakeneſſe then ſtoutneſſe in her. But if ſhe can render no good reaſon, but only take euery ſhew that any way ſeemeth to incline to her words, and peremptorily holdeth the concluſion, and ſtifly ſtandeth on her owne reſolution, though the vanity of her pretences be euidently diſcouered to her, ſo as ſhe hath not any thing further to obiect; p. 376 or if ſhe render no reaſon at all but her owne thought, conceit and will, and yet refuſeth to yeeld, ſurely obſtinacy poſſeſſeth her heart. In caſe of obſtinacy it is very expedient that an husband ſtand vpon his power to maintaine his authority, and by the beſt wiſdome he can (vſing only ſuch meanes as are lawfull) bring her to yeeld from her ſtoutneſſe to that which he requireth: eſpecially if the matter be weighty: as in caſe a religious man haue been maried to a Popiſh wife, and ſhe by no reaſon will be moued to forbeare going to Maſſe, or yeeld to goe to the preaching of the Goſpell. But if through weakeneſſe ſhe cannot be perſwaded of the lawfulneſſe of that her husband requireth, and the matter required be of no great conſequence, nor the weakeneſſe of her conſcience cauſe any great error, an husband ought ſo farre to manifeſt his mildneſſe as to forbeare to preſſe her conſcience.
- 1056. How a wiues refuſing to yeeld may be diſcerned to be on obſtinacy or weakeneſſe.
By the reasons which she rendereth, and her manner of pressing1056 them, he may discern whether weakness or obstinacy make her stand out against him: if the reason which she resteth on taken from God’s word be doubtful, and to one that hath not a good sound judgment, and a sharp discerning wit, it may appear to make something for her, it is to be presupposed that there is more weakness then stoutness in her. But if she can render no good reason, but only take every show that any way seemeth to incline to her words, and peremptorily holdeth the conclusion, and stiffly standeth on her own resolution, though the vanity of her pretences be evidently discovered to her, so as she hath not any thing further to object; or if she render no reason at all but her own thought, conceit and will, and yet refuseth to yield, surely obstinacy possesseth her heart. In case of obstinacy it is very expedient that an husband stand upon his power to maintain his authority, and by the best wisdom he can (using only such means as are lawful) bring her to yield from her stoutness to that which he requireth: especially if the matter be weighty: as in case a religious man have been married to a Popish wife, and she by no reason will be moved to forbear going to Mass, or yield to go to the preaching of the Gospel. But if through weakness she cannot be persuaded of the lawfulness of that her husband requireth, and the matter required be of no great consequence, nor the weakness of her conscience cause any great error, an husband ought so far to manifest his mildness as to forbear to press her conscience.
- 1056. How a wives refusing to yield may be discerned to be an obstinacy or weakness.
§. 28. Of an husbands1057 forbearing to preſſe things vnbeſeeming a wiues place.
§. 28. Of an husbands forbearing to press things unbeseeming a wives place.*
3. Things vnbeſeeming the place of a wife are diſhonourable vnto her: for an husband to vrge his wife by ſtrict charge to doe them, implieth more rigorouſneſſe then mildneſſe. Had the ſpirit of that ſtout Monarch Ahaſhueroſh beene more milde towards his wife, he would not haue ſo farre preſſed his wife vnto ſo vnſeemly a thing as he did, namely, to come before all his Princes and people to make ſhew of her beautie. It is true indeed (as we ſhewed1058 before) that ſhe offended in refuſing to yeeld thereunto, he peremptorily requiring it; but that offence on her part doth not juſtifie his fact, and free him from all blame: it is noted, that he was merry with wine, when he gaue that commandement,1059 whereby is intimated, that his practiſe was more beſeeming a drunken, then a ſober man: ſuch is their practiſe who exact of their wiues to doe ſuch buſineſſes as beſeeme maid-ſeruants rather then wiues, or ſtrumpets rather then honeſt women; as to goe to tauernes, ale-houſes, play-houſes, and ſuch places where light companions be.
3. Things unbeseeming the place of a wife are dishonourable unto her: for an husband to urge his wife by strict charge to do them, implieth more rigorousness then mildness. Had the spirit of that stout Monarch Ahasuerus been more mild towards his wife, he would not have so far pressed his wife unto so unseemly a thing as he did, namely, to come before all his Princes and people to make show of her beauty. It is true indeed (as we showed* before) that she offended in refusing to yield thereunto, he peremptorily requiring it; but that offence on her part doth not justify his fact, and free him from all blame: it is noted, that he was merry with wine, when he gave that commandment,1059 whereby is intimated, that his practise was more beseeming a drunken, then a sober man: such is their practise who exact of their wives to do such businesses as beseem maid-servants rather then wives, or strumpets rather then honest women; as to go to taverns, ale-houses, play-houses, and such places where light companions be.
§. 29. Of an husbands preſſing his authoritie in weighty matters.
§. 29. Of an husbands pressing his authority in weighty matters.
4. To vſe a mans authoritie about weightie matters, matters of moment, maketh it to haue ſuch weight in it, as it will much better p. 377 be regarded: for thus a wife will either be brought to yeeld vnto that which is commanded, or to condemne her ſelfe for not yeelding: yea thus a wife may ſee, that it is not his owne will ſo much which maketh him to vſe his authoritie in commanding, as the neceſſitie of the thing it ſelfe, which redoundeth eſpecially to her good that doth it: for the performance of a dutie is for the moſt part moſt aduantageable to the partie that performeth it, ſo as hereby an husband ſheweth loue to his wife in preſſing that which he preſſeth.
4. To use a man’s authority about weighty matters, matters of moment, maketh it to have such weight in it, as it will much better be regarded: for thus a wife will either be brought to yield unto that which is commanded, or to condemn her self for not yielding: yea thus a wife may see, that it is not his own will so much which maketh him to use his authority in commanding, as the necessity of the thing it self, which redoundeth especially to her good that doth it: for the performance of a duty is for the most part most advantageable to the party that performeth it, so as hereby an husband showeth love to his wife in pressing that which he presseth.
This token of loue that it may the better appeare, it is behouefull1060 that an husband adde to his commandement iuſt & weightie reaſons, that thereby his wife may the better diſcerne the meetneſſe, lawfulneſſe, expediencie, and neceſſitie of the things commanded. We know that all the things which God commandeth are weightie and neceſſarie: yea his will (being the very rule, and ground of all goodneſſe) maketh things abſolutely neceſſarie, yet vnto his commandements he vſeth to adde weightie reaſons; ſhewing on the one ſide the benefit and bleſſedneſſe that will come to ſuch as obey his commandements; and on the other ſide, the miſchiefe and miſerie that will fall on their pates who refuſe to obey; whereby he ſheweth the great good reſpect which he beareth to vs, and the earneſt deſire he hath of our good. Thus may an husband euen in his commandements ſhew much loue and kindneſſe.
- 1060. Reaſons of preſſing a cōmandement to be rendred.
This token of love that it may the better appear, it is behoveful1060 that an husband add to his commandment just & weighty reasons, that thereby his wife may the better discern the meetness, lawfulness, expediency, and necessity of the things commanded. We know that all the things which God commandeth are weighty and necessary: yea his will (being the very rule, and ground of all goodness) maketh things absolutely necessary, yet unto his commandments he useth to add weighty reasons; showing on the one side the benefit and blessedness that will come to such as obey his commandments; and on the other side, the mischief and misery that will fall on their pates who refuse to obey; whereby he showeth the great good respect which he beareth to us, and the earnest desire he hath of our good. Thus may an husband even in his commandments show much love and kindness.
- 1060. Reasons of pressing a commandment to be rendered.
§. 30. Of husbands too great pride in commanding.
§. 30. Of husbands too great pride in commanding.
Contrary is the peremptorie pride of husbands, when they will haue their owne will done: it booteth not whether the thing commanded be lawfull or vnlawfull, whether their wiues conſciences can yeeld vnto it or no, whether it ſtand with the honour of their places or no, and whether it be weightie or light; their will it is it ſhould be done, and done it ſhall be, there is all the reaſon they will giue. Some thinke it a glory to command what they liſt; and thinke that there is no proofe of their authoritie, and of their wiues ſubiection, but in ſuch things as vpon their own will, without any further ground or reaſon, they command. If ſuch husbands meet with confronts; if though they command much, they finde not anſwerable performance; they may thanke themſelues, p. 378 who runne the ready courſe to haue their authoritie contemned and euen troden vnder foot.
Contrary is the peremptory pride of husbands, when they will have their own will done: it booteth not whether the thing commanded be lawful or unlawful, whether their wives consciences can yield unto it or no, whether it stand with the honour of their places or no, and whether it be weighty or light; their will it is it should be done, and done it shall be, there is all the reason they will give. Some think it a glory to command what they list; and think that there is no proof of their authority, and of their wives subjection, but in such things as upon their own will, without any further ground or reason, they command. If such husbands meet with confronts; if though they command much, they find not answerable performance; they may thank themselves, who run the ready course to have their authority contemned and even trodden under foot.
§. 31. Of husbands rare and milde vſing their commanding power.
§. 31. Of husbands rare and mild using their commanding power.
Reſpect muſt be had by husbands to the manner of vſing their authoritie in commanding as well as to the matter.
Respect must be had by husbands to the manner of using their authority in commanding as well as to the matter.
In regard of the manner his commandements muſt be
- 1. Rare, not too frequent.
- 2. By way of intreating, not too peremptorie.
In regard of the manner his commandments must be
- Rare, not too frequent.
- By way of entreating, not too peremptory.
Authoritie is like a ſword, which with ouer much vſing will1061 be blunted, and ſo faile to doe that ſeruice which otherwiſe it might when there is moſt need. A wiſe, graue, peaceable man, may alwayes haue his ſword in readineſſe, and that alſo very bright, keene, and ſharpe: but he will not be very ready to plucke it out of his ſcabberd; he rather keepeth it for a time of need, when it ſhould ſtand him in moſt ſteed. Such husbands therefore as are too frequent in their commands, ſhew themſelues nor graue, nor wiſe, nor louers of peace.
- 1061. 1. Commanding muſt be rare.
Authority is like a sword, which with over much using will1061 be blunted, and so fail to do that service which otherwise it might when there is most need. A wise, grave, peaceable man, may always have his sword in readiness, and that also very bright, keen, and sharp: but he will not be very ready to pluck it out of his scabbard; he rather keepeth it for a time of need, when it should stand him in most stead. Such husbands therefore as are too frequent in their commands, show themselves nor grave, nor wise, nor lovers of peace.
- 1061. 1. Commanding must be rare.
As the vſe of an husbands authoritie in commanding muſt be1062 rare, ſo when there is occaſion to vſe it, it muſt be with ſuch mildneſſe and moderation tempered, ſo as (according to Saint Pauls example) though he haue power to command that which is conuenient, yet for loues ſake he rather intreat it. Note how mildly Abram frameth his ſpeech to his wife, Say I pray thee1063 (ſaith he) thou art my ſister. Though the thing he required fauoured of too much weakneſſe, yet his manner of requiring it was well beſeeming a kinde husband.
As the use of an husbands authority in commanding must be1062 rare, so when there is occasion to use it, it must be with such mildness and moderation tempered, so as (according to Saint Paul’s example) though he have power to command that which is convenient, yet for loves sake he rather entreat it. Note how mildly Abram frameth his speech to his wife, Say I pray thee1063 (saith he) thou art my sister. Though the thing he required savoured of too much weakness, yet his manner of requiring it was well beseeming a kind husband.
§. 32. Of husbands inſolencie and peremptorineſſe.
§. 32. Of husbands insolency and peremptoriness.
Contrary is the inſolencie of many, who cannot ſpeake to their wiues, but in commanding-wiſe. Their authoritie is like a ſwaggerers ſword, which cannot long reſt in the ſheath, but vpon euery ſmall occaſion is drawne forth. This frequent vſe of commanding, maketh their commandements nought regarded. The like may be ſaid of them who are too peremptorie in commanding: there muſt be no ſaying of nay, to that which they ſay: vpon command they will haue their minde done, and no other way: no perſwaſion, no intreatie ſhall be vſed: they will rather not at all haue their will done, then not vpon abſolute command: nay they p. 379 will not ſuffer others, in caſe of any refuſall, to intreat, or perſwade, but will try what abſolutely they can doe by authoritie. Thus as by trying to bend ſteele how farre it will goe, it oft breaketh; ſo by putting their authoritie to the vttermoſt triall, they oft loſe all their authoritie: in which caſe the mends (as we ſpeake) is in their owne hands.
Contrary is the insolency of many, who cannot speak to their wives, but in commanding-wise. Their authority is like a swaggerers sword, which cannot long rest in the sheath, but upon every small occasion is drawn forth. This frequent use of commanding, maketh their commandments nought regarded. The like may be said of them who are too peremptory in commanding: there must be no saying of nay, to that which they say: upon command they will have their mind done, and no other way: no persuasion, no entreaty shall be used: they will rather not at all have their will done, then not upon absolute command: nay they will not suffer others, in case of any refusal, to entreat, or persuade, but will try what absolutely they can do by authority. Thus as by trying to bend steel how far it will go, it oft breaketh; so by putting their authority to the uttermost trial, they oft lose all their authority: in which case the mends (as we speak) is in their own hands.
4. The authoritie and charge which God hath giuen to an husband ouer his wife, doe require that as good and iuſt occaſion is offered, he ſhould reproue her: for this is an eſpeciall meanes to draw her from thoſe ſinnes, wherein otherwiſe ſhee might liue and lie, yea and die alſo; and ſo liue, lie, and die vnder Gods wrath: out of which miſerie and wretchedneſſe to free a wife, is as great a token of loue, as to pull her out of the water when ſhe is in danger of drowning, or out of the fire when ſhe is in danger of burning. Solomon thus ſtileth reproofes,1065 reproofes of life, and expreſly noteth1066 reproofes to be the way of life, a meanes to breed and preſerue ſpirituall life, and to bring one vnto eternall life, and ſo to eſcape death and damnation. In theſe reſpects rebukes are called a pretious balme, or excellent oyle, which may heale a wound, but make none: it1067 breaketh not the head, as the Pſalmiſt ſpeaketh. Vpon this ground, no doubt, it is noted of many good husbands, who were without all queſtion, louing, kinde, meeke, and milde husbands, that they reproued their wiues: as1068 Iaakob,1069 Iob,1070 Dauid, and others.
- 1064. Treat. 3. §. 47. Husbands ought to reproue. [moved in the edition]
- 1065. Pro. 15. 31. [moved in the edition]
- 1066. & 6. 23. [moved in the edition]
- 1067. Pſal. 141. 5. See the fruits of reproofe, Treat. 3. §. 47. [moved in the edition]
- 1068. Gen. 30. 2. [moved in the edition]
- 1069. Iob 2. 10. [moved in the edition]
- 1070. 2 Sam. 6. 21, 22. [moved in the edition]
4. The authority and charge which God hath given to an husband over his wife, do require that as good and just occasion is offered, he should reprove her: for this is an especial means to draw her from those sins, wherein otherwise she might live and lie, yea and die also; and so live, lie, and die under God’s wrath: out of which misery and wretchedness to free a wife, is as great a token of love, as to pull her out of the water when she is in danger of drowning, or out of the fire when she is in danger of burning. Solomon thus styleth reproofs, reproofs of life,1065 and expressly noteth reproofs1066 to be the way of life, a means to breed and preserve spiritual life, and to bring one unto eternal life, and so to escape death and damnation. In these respects rebukes are called a precious balm, or excellent oil, which may heal a wound, but make none: it breaketh not the head,1067 as the Psalmist speaketh. Upon this ground, no doubt, it is noted of many good husbands, who were without all question, loving, kind, meek, and mild husbands, that they reproved their wives: as Jacob,1068 Job,1069 David,1070 and others.
- 1064. Treat. 3. §. 47. Husbands ought to reprove. [moved here by the editor]
- 1065. Prov 15:‸31. [moved here by the editor]
- 1066. Prov 6:‸23. [moved here by the editor]
- 1067. Ps 141:‸5. See the fruits of reproof, Treat. 3. §. 47. [moved here by the editor]
- 1068. Gen‸ 30:‸2. [moved here by the editor]
- 1069. Job 2:‸10. [moved here by the editor]
- 1070. 2 Sam‸ 6:‸21, 22. [moved here by the editor]
§. 34. Of neglecting reproofe.
§. 34. Of neglecting reproof.
Contrary is a ſeruile and timorous minde of many husbands, who are loth to offend, and (as they thinke) to prouoke their wiues; and thereupon chuſe rather to let them continue in ſinne, then tell them of it. Wherein they both diſhonour their place, and the image of God, which by vertue of their place they carry, and alſo in effect and in truth hate their wiues; which the Law implieth, where it ſaith, Thou ſhalt not hate thy brother in thine heart,1071 but ſhalt plainly rebuke thy neighbour, and not ſuffer ſinne vpon him.
- 1071. Leuit. 19. 17.
Contrary is a servile and timorous mind of many husbands, who are loth to offend, and (as they think) to provoke their wives; and thereupon choose rather to let them continue in sin, then tell them of it. Wherein they both dishonour their place, and the image of God, which by virtue of their place they carry, and also in effect and in truth hate their wives; which the Law implieth, where it saith, Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart,1071 but shalt plainly rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.
- 1071. Lev 19:‸17.
§. 35. Of1072 well ordering reproofe in the matter thereof.
§. 35. Of well ordering reproof in the matter thereof.*
That an husband may euidently demonſtrate that his reprouing of his wife is indeed a fruit of his loue, he muſt haue an eſpeciall p. 380 care to ſweeten it, eſpecially with mildneſſe: for it is the bittereſt pill that by an husband can be giuen to a wife. It is a verball correction, & in that reſpect a middle meanes (as I may ſo ſpeake) betwixt admonition and correction; partaking ſomewhat of both: it goeth no further then words, and ſo is an admonition: the words of a reproofe are ſharpe, and ſo it is a correction: though it be but a milde correction, yet it is a ſharpe admonition; and all the correction which by himſelfe an husband can giue his wife: for we ſhall1073 after ſhew that he may not proceed to blowes, and ſtrokes.
That an husband may evidently demonstrate that his reproving of his wife is indeed a fruit of his love, he must have an especial care to sweeten it, especially with mildness: for it is the bitterest pill that by an husband can be given to a wife. It is a verbal correction, & in that respect a middle means (as I may so speak) betwixt admonition and correction; partaking somewhat of both: it goeth no further then words, and so is an admonition: the words of a reproof are sharp, and so it is a correction: though it be but a mild correction, yet it is a sharp admonition; and all the correction which by himself an husband can give his wife: for we shall1073 after show that he may not proceed to blows, and strokes.
To ſweeten reproofe with mildneſſe reſpect muſt be had (as before was noted of commanding) both to the matter, and alſo to the manner thereof.
To sweeten reproof with mildness respect must be had (as before was noted of commanding) both to the matter, and also to the manner thereof.
Iuſtice requireth that it be a truth, and a knowne truth, euen a thing whereof he is aſſured, for which he reproueth his wife. Chriſt in giuing direction for reprouing aright, layeth downe this as a ground, If thy brother ſhall treſpaſſe, &c. a treſpaſſe1075 therefore muſt goe before reproofe: where no treſpaſſe is, there reproofe is vniuſt.
- 1075. Matth. 18. 15. [moved in the edition]
Justice requireth that it be a truth, and a known truth, even a thing whereof he is assured, for which he reproveth his wife. Christ in giving direction for reproving aright, layeth down this as a ground, If thy brother shall trespass, etc‸.1075 a trespass therefore must go before reproof: where no trespass is, there reproof is unjust.
- 1075. Matt 18:‸15. [moved here by the editor]
Againe, the Apoſtle aduiſeth that an accuſation ſhould not1076 be receiued but vnder two, or three witneſſes; whereby he implieth that a light report muſt not be receiued, but where blame is laid, there muſt be two or three witneſſes to confirme it, ſo as he that cenſureth may haue good and ſure ground for that which he doth: indeed that aduiſe was in particular giuen about an elder, but from the leſſe to the greater it will follow to be a good aduiſe concerning wiues: for no kinde of perſon muſt be more warie in laying blame vpon another and reproouing for the ſame, then an husband on his wife.
- 1076. 1 Tim 5. 19.
Again, the Apostle adviseth that an accusation should not1076 be received but under two, or three witnesses; whereby he implieth that a light report must not be received, but where blame is laid, there must be two or three witnesses to confirm it, so as he that censureth may have good and sure ground for that which he doth: indeed that advice was in particular given about an elder, but from the less to the greater it will follow to be a good advice concerning wives: for no kind of person must be more wary in laying blame upon another and reproving for the same, then an husband on his wife.
- 1076. 1 Tim 5:‸19.
Equitie further requireth that the matter for which an huſband1077 reproueth his wife be weightie; namely for ſome fault that is dangerous to her ſoule, hurtfull to their eſtate, contagious by reaſon of ill example to children, and others in the family, but moſt of all for ſinne againſt God which prouoketh his wrath, and pulleth downe his heauie curſe vpon him, her, and the whole family.
- 1077. 2. Weigh. y.
Equity further requireth that the matter for which an husband1077 reproveth his wife be weighty; namely for some fault that is dangerous to her soul, hurtful to their estate, contagious by reason of ill example to children, and others in the family, but most of all for sin against God which provoketh his wrath, and pulleth down his heavy curse upon him, her, and the whole family.
- 1077. 2. Weighty. ‸
When that for which a wife is reproued is a truth, a knowne p. 381 truth, and a weightie truth, the husband in performing this dutie iuſtifieth his deed, ſheweth that there was need thereof, and ſo giueth euidence of his loue, maketh his reproofe to pierce the more deeply, and ſo maketh her the more aſhamed of her fault; whence it will follow, that either ſhe will amend her fault or at leaſt will haue her mouth ſtopped, ſo as ſhe ſhall haue nothing to except againſt it. The reproofe of the three Saints before mentioned,1078 Iaakob,1079 Iob, and1080 Dauid, were anſwerable to theſe points of Iuſtice and wiſdome: and the effects thereof anſwerable to thoſe which we haue noted in this reaſon, as the ſilence of the three wiues implieth: for none of them replied againe.
When that for which a wife is reproved is a truth, a known truth, and a weighty truth, the husband in performing this duty justifieth his deed, showeth that there was need thereof, and so giveth evidence of his love, maketh his reproof to pierce the more deeply, and so maketh her the more ashamed of her fault; whence it will follow, that either she will amend her fault or at least will have her mouth stopped, so as she shall have nothing to except against it. The reproof of the three Saints before mentioned, Jacob,1078 Job,1079 and David,1080 were answerable to these points of Justice and wisdom: and the effects thereof answerable to those which we have noted in this reason, as the silence of the three wives implieth: for none of them replied again.
§. 36. Of vndue reproofe.
§. 36. Of undue reproof.
Contrary to the forenamed Iuſtice and equitie are ouerlight1081 credulitie and vndue ſuſpicion. Credulitie is when credence is giuen to euery light report, and thereupon blame laid vpon the wife before any iuſt proofe be made of that for which ſhe is blamed: whereby it oft commeth to paſſe, that ſhe is wrongfully and vniuſtly blamed: which if ſhe be, what good fruit can proceed from ſuch reproofes? yea what euill fruits are not like to proceed from thence, as ſecret diſcontent (if not malice and hatred) and open contentions and brawlings?
- 1081. Contrary, 1. Credulitie.
Contrary to the forenamed Justice and equity are overlight1081 credulity and undue suspicion. Credulity is when credence is given to every light report, and thereupon blame laid upon the wife before any just proof be made of that for which she is blamed: whereby it oft cometh to pass, that she is wrongfully and unjustly blamed: which if she be, what good fruit can proceed from such reproofs? Yea what evil fruits are not like to proceed from thence, as secret discontent (if not malice and hatred) and open contentions and brawlings?
- 1081. Contrary, 1. Credulity.
The like may be ſaid of light and cauſeleſſe ſuſpicion, which1082 is the mother of iealouſie, and the very bane of mariage, from whence the deuill taketh great aduantage againſt them both, ſeeking thereby to vnlooſe that knot which God hath ſo firmly knit betwixt them. Suſpicion to the minde is as a coloured glaſſe to the eie, which repreſenteth things to the ſight not as indeed they are in their owne true colour, but as the colour of the glaſſe is. Suſpicion will make a man peruert euery thing that his wife doth, and blame her many times for ſuch things as are praiſe-worthy: in which caſe what can be thought, but that an husband ſeeketh aduantage againſt his wife, rather then any good vnto her?
- 1082. 2. Suſpicion.
The like may be said of light and causeless suspicion, which1082 is the mother of jealousy, and the very bane of marriage, from whence the devil taketh great advantage against them both, seeking thereby to unloose that knot which God hath so firmly knit betwixt them. Suspicion to the mind is as a coloured glass to the eye, which representeth things to the sight not as indeed they are in their own true colour, but as the colour of the glass is. Suspicion will make a man pervert every thing that his wife doth, and blame her many times for such things as are praise-worthy: in which case what can be thought, but that an husband seeketh advantage against his wife, rather then any good unto her?
- 1082. 2. Suspicion.
If to thoſe two forenamed vices (credulity and ſuſpicion) he1083 adde raſhneſſe and haſtineſſe in reprouing, and make euery small and light matter which any way he diſliketh, matter of p. 382 reproofe, doth he not proclaime to all that ſhall know it, that he loues chiding more then he loues his wife? Yea is not this the ready way to make all his reproofe (if not ſcorned) lightly regarded? What then will be the profit of them?
- 1083. 3. Raſhneſſe.
If to those two forenamed vices (credulity and suspicion) he1083 add rashness and hastiness in reproving, and make every small and light matter which any way he disliketh, matter of reproof, doth he not proclaim to all that shall know it, that he loves chiding more then he loves his wife? Yea is not this the ready way to make all his reproof (if not scorned) lightly regarded? What then will be the profit of them?
- 1083. 3. Rashness.
§. 37. Whether an husband may reprooue his wife for ſuch things as he is guilty of.
§. 37. Whether an husband may reprove his wife for such things as he is guilty of.
To the matter of reproofe ſome adde, that an husband ought not to reproue his wife for that fault whereof he himſelfe is guiltie: but I make doubt of this direction. I denie not but that he ought to haue an eſpeciall care that he be not guiltie of that crime for which he blameth his wife; otherwiſe, 1. he blunteth the edge of his reproofe, ſo as readily it cannot peirce into her heart. 2. He cauſeth it to rebound backe againe vpon himſelfe with theſe reproches, Phyſitian healethy1084 ſelfe: Hypocrite firſt caſt the beame out of thine owne eye. Thou that teacheſt another teacheſt thou not thy ſelfe? 3. He is an heauy witneſſe againſt himſelfe; for in that he iudgeth another he condemneth himſelfe. But thereupon to infer, that becauſe he is guiltie of ſuch vices as are in his wife, he ought not to reproue her though ſhe be worthy to be reproued, is ſcarſe ſound and good diuinitie: for thus he maketh himſelfe guilty of a double fault, one of committing the ſinne himſelfe, the other of ſuffering his wife to lie therein: whereas if he reproued his wife, he might thereby reclaime both her and himſelfe: for I doubt not but his reprouing of his wife would ſtrike deeper into his owne conſcience then if a third ſhould reproue them both. How were Iudah and Dauid ſtroken to1085 the heart after they had giuen ſentence againſt ſuch crimes as they themſelues were guiltie of? It is a good aduice that no man be guiltie of that which he reproueth in his wife, but it is no good rule to ſay, no man ought to reproue his wife of that whereof he is guiltie.
To the matter of reproof some add, that an husband ought not to reprove his wife for that fault whereof he himself is guilty: but I make doubt of this direction. I deny not but that he ought to have an especial care that he be not guilty of that crime for which he blameth his wife; otherwise, 1. He blunteth the edge of his reproof, so as readily it cannot pierce into her heart. 2. He causeth it to rebound back again upon himself with these reproaches, Physician heal thy1084 self: Hypocrite first cast the beam out of thine own eye. Thou that teachest another teachest thou not thy self? 3. He is an heavy witness against himself; for in that he judgeth another he condemneth himself. But thereupon to infer, that because he is guilty of such vices as are in his wife, he ought not to reprove her though she be worthy to be reproved, is scarce sound and good divinity: for thus he maketh himself guilty of a double fault, one of committing the sin himself, the other of suffering his wife to lie therein: whereas if he reproved his wife, he might thereby reclaim both her and himself: for I doubt not but his reproving of his wife would strike deeper into his own conscience then if a third should reprove them both. How were Judah and David1085 stricken to the heart after they had given sentence against such crimes as they themselves were guilty of? It is a good advice that no man be guilty of that which he reproveth in his wife, but it is no good rule to say, no man ought to reprove his wife of that whereof he is guilty.
§. 38. Of well ordering reproofe in the manner thereof,
§. 38. Of well ordering reproof in the manner thereof.
Reproofes therefore muſt be Rare.
Meeke.
Reproofs therefore must be
- Rare.
- Meek.
When reproofes are ſeldome vſed, not but vpon vrgent and1087 p. 383 neceſſary occaſion, 1. It ſheweth that an husband taketh no delight in rebuking his wife, but is euen forced thereto. 2. It maketh his wife much more regard it. 3. It is like to worke a more perfect cure, for ſeldome and rare reproofes doe commonly peirce moſt deeply.
- 1087. 1. Seldome.
When reproofs are seldom used, not but upon urgent and1087 necessary occasion, 1. It showeth that an husband taketh no delight in rebuking his wife, but is even forced thereto. 2. It maketh his wife much more regard it. 3. It is like to work a more perfect cure, for seldom and rare reproofs do commonly pierce most deeply.
- 1087. 1. Seldom.
Contrary is continuall chiding, and finding fault with a1088 wife for euery thing amiſſe: if not only the wife her ſelfe, but a childe, or ſeruant, or any elſe in the houſe doe amiſſe, the wife ſhall be blamed for it. This is too common a fault in huſbands: whereby they much prouoke their wiues; yea and many times make them no more regard a reproofe then any other word. For as birds which alwaies abide in Belfries where much ringing is, are not a whit afrighted with their lowd ſound; ſo wiues who haue their eares from time to time filled with their husbands rebuke, by vſe are brought, nothing at all to be moued therewith.
- 1088. Contrary, continuall chiding.
Contrary is continual chiding, and finding fault with a1088 wife for every thing amiss: if not only the wife her self, but a child, or servant, or any else in the house do amiss, the wife shall be blamed for it. This is too common a fault in husbands: whereby they much provoke their wives; yea and many times make them no more regard a reproof then any other word. For as birds which always abide in Belfries where much ringing is, are not a whit afrighted with their loud sound; so wives who have their ears from time to time filled with their husbands rebuke, by use are brought, nothing at all to be moved therewith.
- 1088. Contrary, continual chiding.
2. That a reproofe muſt be giuen in meekneſſe is cleere by1089 the Apoſtles generall precept of reſtoring one in the ſpirit of meekneſſe: for a right manner of reprouing is thereby particularly intended. Now of all with whom we haue to doe, no fitter obiect for meekneſſe then a wife, who in a more peculiar manner then any other is thine owne fleſh.
- 1089. 2. Reproue mildly. Gal 6. 1.
2. That a reproof must be given in meekness is clear by1089 the Apostles general precept of restoring one in the spirit of meekness: for a right manner of reproving is thereby particularly intended. Now of all with whom we have to do, no fitter object for meekness then a wife, who in a more peculiar manner then any other is thine own flesh.
- 1089. 2. Reprove mildly. Gal 6:‸1.
Meekneſſe hath reſpect both to ſecrecie of place, and to ſoftneſſe of words.
Meekness hath respect both to secrecy of place, and to softness of words.
When an husband is alone with his wife, then is the fitteſt1090 ſeaſon for reproofe: thus will reproofe be anſwerable to Chriſts direction: tell him his fault betweene thee and him alone (ſaith Chriſt of a brother:) but no brother muſt be tendred more then a wife. Thus will it alſo ſoake better into her ſoule, when no conceit of diſhonour and diſcredit ſhall ariſe vp to hinder the worke of it: which conceits will be ready to ariſe when a reproofe is giuen in publike before others. Thus likewiſe will occaſion be taken away from children and ſeruants of deſpiſing her: which otherwiſe they would quickly take, if before them ſhe ſhould be rebuked; gathering from thence, that ſhe is kept vnder as much as they: now becauſe ſhe is with him a ioynt gouernour of them, he ought by all meanes to maintaine her reputation before them.
- 1090. 3. Reproue in ſecret. Mat. 18. 15.
When an husband is alone with his wife, then is the fittest1090 season for reproof: thus will reproof be answerable to Christ’s direction: tell him his fault between thee and him alone (saith Christ of a brother:) but no brother must be tendered more then a wife. Thus will it also soak better into her soul, when no conceit of dishonour and discredit shall arise up to hinder the work of it: which conceits will be ready to arise when a reproof is given in public before others. Thus likewise will occasion be taken away from children and servants of despising her: which otherwise they would quickly take, if before them she should be rebuked; gathering from thence, that she is kept under as much as they: now because she is with him a joint governor of them, he ought by all means to maintain her reputation before them.
- 1090. 3. Reprove in secret. Matt 18:‸15.
1. Queſt. What if ſhe regard not a rebuke in ſecret?1091
1. Quest. What if she regard not a rebuke in secret?1091
Anſw. He may follow Chriſts direction, Take one or two more, namely wiſe, graue, faithfull friends, if it may be, of her kindred, as her parents (if ſhe haue any liuing) or ſuch as are in courſe of nature next to parents (if they be not partiall on her ſide) and before them rebuke her: but by no meanes before any of the houſe vnder her gouernment.
- 1091. Direction for reprouing ſuch a wife as regardeth not a ſecret reproofe. Mat. 18. 15.
Answ. He may follow Christ’s direction, Take one or two more, namely wise, grave, faithful friends, if it may be, of her kindred, as her parents (if she have any living) or such as are in course of nature next to parents (if they be not partial on her side) and before them rebuke her: but by no means before any of the house under her government.
- 1091. Direction for reproving such a wife as regardeth not a secret reproof. Matt 18:‸15.
Anſw. Wiſely he muſt ſo manifeſt his diſlike of her fault, as he no way impaire her honour: he may therefore declare that ſuch a thing was not well done, and fore-warne his houſhold of committing the like; yea roundly threaten them that if any of them doe the like they ſhall dearely repent it; and if ſuch as are vnder correction offend therein, the more ſurely and ſeuerely correct them, euen becauſe they haue taken example. Thus ſhall he teſtifie a great good reſpect of his wife, and alſo a thorow diſlike and hatred of her ſinne.
Answ. Wisely he must so manifest his dislike of her fault, as he no way impair her honour: he may therefore declare that such a thing was not well done, and fore-warn his household of committing the like; yea roundly threaten them that if any of them do the like they shall dearly repent it; and if such as are under correction offend therein, the more surely and severely correct them, even because they have taken example. Thus shall he testify a great good respect of his wife, and also a thorough dislike and hatred of her sin.
2. A ſoft tongue (as Salomon noteth) breaketh the bones,1093 that is, ſoftneth an hard heart, and beateth downe a ſtout ſtomacke. How will it then worke vpon a ſoft heart, and gentle diſpoſition? If therefore an husband looke to doe good by reprouing his wife, his reproofe muſt be ſo ordered, as it may ſeeme to be rather a gentle admonition, then a ſharpe rebuke. He may and ought plainly to declare her fault vnto her, but in milde and meeke tearmes, without reuiling, opprobrious and ignominious words.
- 1093. 4. Reproue gently. Pro. 25. 15.
2. A soft tongue (as Solomon noteth) breaketh the bones,1093 that is, softeneth an hard heart, and beateth down a stout stomach. How will it then work upon a soft heart, and gentle disposition? If therefore an husband look to do good by reproving his wife, his reproof must be so ordered, as it may seem to be rather a gentle admonition, then a sharp rebuke. He may and ought plainly to declare her fault unto her, but in mild and meek terms, without reviling, opprobrious and ignominious words.
- 1093. 4. Reprove gently. Prov 25:‸15.
Queſt. What if her fault be an heinous notorious ſinne?
Quest. What if her fault be an heinous notorious sin?
Anſw. In an extraordinary caſe ſome ſharpneſſe may be1094 vſed: as the reproofes of Iaakob, Iob, and Dauid doe ſhew, for they were euery one of them ſharpe: but yet this ſharpneſſe muſt not be made bitter by any euill language. A womans wickedneſſe may not moue an husband to be froward, and1095 outragious; but rather to be the more watchfull ouer himſelfe, that he containe himſelfe within the bounds of diſcretion and moderation. For which end it is meete that husbands lay it p. 385 downe for a rule, neuer to rebuke their wiues when they are in paſſion. Paſſion raiſeth a darke miſt before the eies of reaſon; which, while it remaineth, keepeth reaſon from giuing any good direction. Yea paſſion is as a fire, and it ſo incenſeth a man, and diſtempereth him, that in his diſorder he can keepe no meane or meaſure. Howſoeuer a man be not able to rule himſelfe when paſſion is ſtirred vp, yet, if before hand while his eie is ſingle, and his whole body light, while he is in tune (as we1096 ſpeake) and well tempered, he reſoluedly determine with himſelfe not to doe ſuch or ſuch a thing in his paſſion; that fore-going reſolution will be an eſpeciall means to make him forbeare doing that in paſſion, which if he ſhould doe, he could not in paſſion well order and moderate. For if once he begin to doe a thing in paſſion, the leaſt prouocation that can be, will be as bellowes to blow vp that fire into a flame.
Answ. In an extraordinary case some sharpness may be1094 used: as the reproofs of Jacob, Job, and David do show, for they were every one of them sharp: but yet this sharpness must not be made bitter by any evil language. A woman’s wickedness may not move an husband to be froward, and1095 outrageous; but rather to be the more watchful over himself, that he contain himself within the bounds of discretion and moderation. For which end it is meet that husbands lay it down for a rule, never to rebuke their wives when they are in passion. Passion raiseth a dark mist before the eyes of reason; which, while it remaineth, keepeth reason from giving any good direction. Yea passion is as a fire, and it so incenseth a man, and distempereth him, that in his disorder he can keep no mean or measure. Howsoever a man be not able to rule himself when passion is stirred up, yet, if before hand while his eye is single,1096 and his whole body light, while he is in tune (as we speak) and well tempered, he resolvedly determine with himself not to do such or such a thing in his passion; that fore-going resolution will be an especial means to make him forbear doing that in passion, which if he should do, he could not in passion well order and moderate. For if once he begin to do a thing in passion, the least provocation that can be, will be as bellows to blow up that fire into a flame.
In regard of the violence of paſſion (wherein women by1097 reaſon of the weakneſſe of their iudgement are for the moſt part moſt violent) it is alſo the part of a wiſe man to forbeare this duty of reprouing his wife euen when ſhe is in paſſion. For as it is needfull that he ſhould be in caſe well to giue a reproofe, ſo as needfull it is that ſhe ſhould be in caſe well to take a rebuke. Paſſion both filleth and feſtereth ones heart. The heart then being full of paſſion, what roome is left for good aduice? will a man powre wine into a veſſell full of water, or ſtay, till all the water be dreaned out?
- 1097. Rebuke to be put off while a wife is in paſſion.
In regard of the violence of passion (wherein women by1097 reason of the weakness of their judgment are for the most part most violent) it is also the part of a wise man to forbear this duty of reproving his wife even when she is in passion. For as it is needful that he should be in case well to give a reproof, so as needful it is that she should be in case well to take a rebuke. Passion both filleth and festereth ones heart. The heart then being full of passion, what room is left for good advice? Will a man pour wine into a vessel full of water, or stay, till all the water be drained out?
- 1097. Rebuke to be put off while a wife is in passion.
The heart alſo being ſo feſtered as it ſauoureth of nothing but paſſion, what good can then good aduice doe?
The heart also being so festered as it savoureth of nothing but passion, what good can then good advice do?
It is therefore an eſpeciall point of wiſdome, and ſheweth a good reſpect that a man beareth to his wife, yea it ſauoureth of much meekneſſe and moderation for an husband, well to weigh both his owne and his wiues temper when he reproueth her, and to forbeare doing it while either he or ſhe be in paſſion.
It is therefore an especial point of wisdom, and showeth a good respect that a man beareth to his wife, yea it savoureth of much meekness and moderation for an husband, well to weigh both his own and his wives temper when he reproveth her, and to forbear doing it while either he or she be in passion.
§. 39. Of vndiſcreet reproouing a wife.
§. 39. Of undiscreet reproving a wife.
Contrary is the indiſcretion of husbands who regard nor place, nor perſons, nor time, nor temper of themſelues or their wiues, nor any other circumſtance in reprouing, but like Saul (who at a table where a great feaſt was, in preſence of his Nobles p. 386 and Captaines, when he was inraged with anger, with moſt virulent and bitter ſpeeches not rebuked onely but reproached alſo his ſonne, and that with ſuch words as he ſpared not his owne wife; for in his paſſion he called his ſonne, ſonne1098 of the peruerſe rebellious woman:) like this fooliſh and furious Saul, I ſay, they take the moſt open place of the family before children, ſeruants, and whole houſe, to reproue their wiues; and that with ſuch bitter and diſgracefull termes, as either they prouoke their wiues to anſwer againe for maintaining (as they thinke) their owne credit and reputation, (thus Ionathan1099 was prouoked to anſwer his father againe:) or elſe giue them of the houſe that behold her thus trampled vnder foot, occaſion to ſet their feet alſo vpon her.
Contrary is the indiscretion of husbands who regard nor place, nor persons, nor time, nor temper of themselves or their wives, nor any other circumstance in reproving, but like Saul (who at a table where a great feast was, in presence of his Nobles and Captains, when he was enraged with anger, with most virulent and bitter speeches not rebuked only but reproached also his son, and that with such words as he spared not his own wife; for in his passion he called his son, son1098 of the perverse rebellious woman:) like this foolish and furious Saul, I say, they take the most open place of the family before children, servants, and whole house, to reprove their wives; and that with such bitter and disgraceful terms, as either they provoke their wives to answer again for maintaining (as they think) their own credit and reputation, (thus Jonathan1099 was provoked to answer his father again:) or else give them of the house that behold her thus trampled under foot, occasion to set their feet also upon her.
Moſt husbands are forward enough to reproue, but few doe it in meekneſſe, and moderation. They cannot doe it but in company, nor without bitter words. Many in rebuking their wiues, ſticke not to vſe all the euill termes that they can thinke of, euen ſuch as tend not only to their wiues diſhonour, but alſo to their owne and their childrens infamy. The reaſon whereof is, becauſe they neuer rebuke but when they are in paſſion, and ſo ſcarſe know what they doe: whereby alſo they ſtirre vp paſſion in their wiues, and yet for all that refraine not any whit the more, but rather grow more violent: as when the heat of two fires meet together, the flame muſt needs be the greater. This being the prepoſterous practiſe of many husbands, is it any maruell that ordinarily ſo little good, and ſo much hurt is done by reprouing? Nay, would it not be a wonder, if any good, and no hurt ſhould be done thereby? This therefore though it be a duty, yet a dutie rarely and with great moderation to be vſed.
Most husbands are forward enough to reprove, but few do it in meekness, and moderation. They cannot do it but in company, nor without bitter words. Many in rebuking their wives, stick not to use all the evil terms that they can think of, even such as tend not only to their wives dishonour, but also to their own and their children’s infamy. The reason whereof is, because they never rebuke but when they are in passion, and so scarce know what they do: whereby also they stir up passion in their wives, and yet for all that refrain not any whit the more, but rather grow more violent: as when the heat of two fires meet together, the flame must needs be the greater. This being the preposterous practise of many husbands, is it any marvel that ordinarily so little good, and so much hurt is done by reproving? Nay, would it not be a wonder, if any good, and no hurt should be done thereby? This therefore though it be a duty, yet a duty rarely and with great moderation to be used.
Thus farre of an husbands mildneſſe in his ſpeeches to his wife.
Thus far of an husbands mildness in his speeches to his wife.
A Husband’s Kind Conduct toward His Wife
A Husband’s Kind Conduct toward His Wife
§. 40. Of an husbands1100 amiable countenance towards his wife.
§. 40. Of an husbands amiable countenance towards his wife.*
An husbands cariage towards his wife muſt be anſwerable1101 to his ſpeech, or elſe all the mildneſſe thereof will ſeeme but complementall.
p. 387 A mans cariage compriſeth vnder it, his Countenance, Geſture, Actions: in all which muſt mildneſſe be ſeated.
A man’s carriage compriseth under it, his Countenance, Gesture, Actions: in all which must mildness be seated.
Vnder the face and countenance I compriſe head, brow, eies, lips and ſuch other parts which are, according as they are framed, ſignes of amiableneſſe, or diſcontentedneſſe. Now among, and aboue other parts of the body, the outward compoſition of the countenance doth ſooneſt and beſt declare the inward diſpoſition of the heart. By Eſaus pleaſant countenance Iaakob perceiued that he was pacified in his heart towards him, and thereupon ſaid, I haue ſeene thy face as though I had1103 ſeene the face of God, that is, an amiable, gracious countenance. On this ground Dauid deſired God, to lift vp the light of his1104 countenance vpon him, that thereby he might know the fauour and loue of God towards him. On the other ſide by a frowning and lowring face, by hanging downe the head, putting out the lips, with the like, anger, malice, griefe, with other like affections of heart, are manifeſted: by Caines caſting downe1105 of his countenance God diſcerned anger and enuy to be in his heart: by Labans countenance Iaakob obſerued that his affection1106 was turned from him. A wife then beholding mildneſſe and amiableneſſe in her husbands face, beholds it as the face of God, and therein as in a looking glaſſe beholds the kindneſſe and loue of his heart, and ſo hath her heart thereby the more firmely knit vnto him, and is moued the more to reſpect him.
Under the face and countenance I comprise head, brow, eyes, lips and such other parts which are, according as they are framed, signs of amiableness, or discontentedness. Now among, and above other parts of the body, the outward composition of the countenance doth soonest and best declare the inward disposition of the heart. By Esau’s pleasant countenance Jacob perceived that he was pacified in his heart towards him, and thereupon said, I have seen thy face as though I had1103 seen the face of God, that is, an amiable, gracious countenance. On this ground David desired God, to lift up the light of his1104 countenance upon him, that thereby he might know the favour and love of God towards him. On the other side by a frowning and louring face, by hanging down the head, putting out the lips, with the like, anger, malice, grief, with other like affections of heart, are manifested: by Cain’s casting down1105 of his countenance God discerned anger and envy to be in his heart: by Laban’s countenance1106 Jacob observed that his affection was turned from him. A wife then beholding mildness and amiableness in her husbands face, beholds it as the face of God, and therein as in a looking glass beholds the kindness and love of his heart, and so hath her heart thereby the more firmly knit unto him, and is moved the more to respect him.
§. 41. Of husbands too great auſteritie.
§. 41. Of husbands too great austerity.
p. 388 Theſe and ſuch like countenances as they manifeſt a proud, ſtout, furious diſcontented diſpoſition of heart, ſo they cannot but giue great diſcontent to a wife, yea and much affright her being but a weake veſſell, and alienate her heart and affection from him.
These and such like countenances as they manifest a proud, stout, furious discontented disposition of heart, so they cannot but give great discontent to a wife, yea and much affright her being but a weak vessel, and alienate her heart and affection from him.
§. 42. Of an husbands familiar geſture with his wife.
§. 42. Of an husbands familiar gesture with his wife.
II. An husbands geſture ought to be ſo familiar, and amiable1111 towards his wife, as others may diſcerne him to be her husband, and his wife may be prouoked to be familiar with him. They which this way are ready to ſhew themſelues kind and milde husbands, are prone to exceed and ſo to fall into an extreame on the right hand: for ſome are neuer well but when they haue their wiues in their laps, euer colling, kiſſing, and dallying with them, they care not in what company; thus they ſhew more lightneſſe, fondneſſe, and dotage, then true kindneſſe and loue, which forgetteth not an husband-like grauity, ſobriety, modeſty and decency.
- 1111. 2. Mild geſlure.
II. An husbands gesture ought to be so familiar, and amiable1111 towards his wife, as others may discern him to be her husband, and his wife may be provoked to be familiar with him. They which this way are ready to show themselves kind and mild husbands, are prone to exceed and so to fall into an extreme on the right hand: for some are never well but when they have their wives in their laps, ever colling, kissing, and dallying with them, they care not in what company; thus they show more lightness, fondness, and dotage, then true kindness and love, which forgetteth not an husband-like gravity, sobriety, modesty and decency.
- 1111. 2. Mild gesture.
But they forget that what Iſaak did, was when he and his1114 wife were alone: he was ſeene through a window. Much greater liberty is granted to man and wife when they are alone, then in company. Beſides there are many other waies to ſhew kindneſſe and familiarity, then by lightneſſe and wantonneſſe.
- 1114. Anſw.
But they forget that what Isaac did, was when he and his1114 wife were alone: he was seen through a window. Much greater liberty is granted to man and wife when they are alone, then in company. Besides there are many other ways to show kindness and familiarity, then by lightness and wantonness.
- 1114. Answ.
§. 43. Of an husbands ſtrangeneſſe to his wife.
§. 43. Of an husbands strangeness to his wife.
Contrary to the familiaritie I ſpeake of, is (as we ſpeake) ſtrangeneſſe, when an husband ſo carrieth himſelfe towards his wife as if ſhe were a ſtranger to him: if he come in cōpany where his wife is, of all other women he will not turne to her, nor take notice of her. This fault is ſo much the greater if ſuch a man be of a free pleaſant cariage, and vſe to be merry and familiar with other women. Though his mirth and familiarity be ſuch as is not vnbeſeeming a Chriſtian, yet his cariage being of another temper towards his wife, it may be a meanes to breed iealouſie in her. Many thinke outward kinde geſture towards p. 389 wife to be fondneſſe, but if they knew what a meanes it is to ſtirre vp, increaſe, and preſerue loue in a wiues heart to her husband, they would be otherwiſe minded.
Contrary to the familiarity I speak of, is (as we speak) strangeness, when an husband so carrieth himself towards his wife as if she were a stranger to him: if he come in company where his wife is, of all other women he will not turn to her, nor take notice of her. This fault is so much the greater if such a man be of a free pleasant carriage, and use to be merry and familiar with other women. Though his mirth and familiarity be such as is not unbeseeming a Christian, yet his carriage being of another temper towards his wife, it may be a means to breed jealousy in her. Many think outward kind gesture towards wife to be fondness, but if they knew what a means it is to stir up, increase, and preserve love in a wives heart to her husband, they would be otherwise minded.
§. 43. Of an husbands giuing fauours to his wife.
§. 43. Of an husbands giving favours to his wife.
III. Actions are of all other the moſt reall demonſtrations of true kindneſſe, wherein an husband muſt not faile, as he would haue his kinde ſpeech, countenance, and geſture to be taken in the better part. Kindneſſe and mildneſſe in action conſiſteth in giuing fauours (as we ſpeake) vnto his wife. This is expreſly noted in Elkanah, who euery yeere gaue fauours to1115 his wiues. Thus an husband as he teſtifieth his loue to his wife, ſo he will much prouoke her to doe all duty to him. A ſmall gift, as an action of kindneſſe freely giuen, not vpon any debt, but in teſtimony of loue, doth more worke on the heart of her to whom it is giuen, then much more giuen vpon contract, or for a worke done, whereby it may ſeeme to be deſerued.
- 1115. 1 Sam. 1. 4, 5.
III. Actions are of all other the most real demonstrations of true kindness, wherein an husband must not fail, as he would have his kind speech, countenance, and gesture to be taken in the better part. Kindness and mildness in action consisteth in giving favours (as we speak) unto his wife. This is expressly noted in Elkanah, who every year gave favours to1115 his wives. Thus an husband as he testifieth his love to his wife, so he will much provoke her to do all duty to him. A small gift, as an action of kindness freely given, not upon any debt, but in testimony of love, doth more work on the heart of her to whom it is given, then much more given upon contract, or for a work done, whereby it may seem to be deserved.
- 1115. 1 Sam‸ 1:‸4, 5.
In giuing fauours to a wife, an husband ought to be more bountifull and liberall, then to others, that ſo ſhe may ſee thereby he loues her aboue all; as it is noted that Elkanah gaue Annah a worthy portion, becauſe he loued her. And in giuing1116 fauours it is beſt to beſtow them with his owne hands, vnleſſe he be abſent from her.
- 1116. 1 Sam. 1. 4. [moved in the edition]
In giving favours to a wife, an husband ought to be more bountiful and liberal, then to others, that so she may see thereby he loves her above all; as it is noted that Elkanah gave Hannah a worthy portion, because he loved her.1116 And in giving favours it is best to bestow them with his own hands, unless he be absent from her.
- 1116. 1 Sam‸ 1:‸4. [moved here by the editor]
§. 44. Of husbands beating their wiues.
§. 44. Of husbands beating their wives.
Contrary are the furious, and ſpightfull actions of many vnkinde husbands (heads too heady) whoſe fauours are buffets,1117 blowes, ſtrokes, & ſtripes: wherein they are worſe then the venemous viper. For the viper for his mates ſake caſteth out his poiſon: and wilt not thou, ô husband, in reſpect of that neere vnion which is betwixt thee and thy wife, lay aſide thy fierceneſſe and cruelty? Many wiues by reaſon of their huſbands furie, are in worſe caſe then ſeruants: for
- 1117. Vipera virus ob venerationem nuptiarum euomit. Et tu duritiem animi, tuferitatem, tu crudelitatem ob vnionis reuerentiam non deponis? Baſil. Hexaem. hom. 7. Ambr. Hexaem. l. 5. c. 7. vrget hanc ipſam ſimilitudinem.
Contrary are the furious, and spiteful actions of many unkind husbands (heads too heady) whose favours are buffets,1117 blows, strokes, & stripes: wherein they are worse then the venomous viper. For the viper for his mates sake casteth out his poison: and wilt not thou, ô husband, in respect of that near union which is betwixt thee and thy wife, lay aside thy fierceness and cruelty? Many wives by reason of their husbands fury, are in worse case then servants: for
- 1117. Vipera virus ob venerationem nuptiarum euomit. Et tu duritiem animi, tu feritatem, tu crudelitatem ob vnionis reuerentiam non deponis? Basil. Hexaem. hom. 7. Ambr. Hexaem. l. 5. c. 7. vrget hanc ipsam similitudinem.
1. Such as will not giue a blow to a ſeruant, care not what load they lay vpon their wiues.
1. Such as will not give a blow to a servant, care not what load they lay upon their wives.
2. Where ſeruants haue but a time and terme to be vnder the tyranny of ſuch furious men, poore wiues are tied to them all their life long.
2. Where servants have but a time and term to be under the tyranny of such furious men, poor wives are tied to them all their life long.
p. 390 3. Wiues can not haue ſo good remedy by the helpe of law againſt cruell husbands, as ſeruants may haue againſt cruell maſters.
3. Wives can not have so good remedy by the help of law against cruel husbands, as servants may have against cruel masters.
4. Maſters haue not ſuch opportunity to exerciſe their cruelty ouer ſeruants as husbands ouer wiues, who are to be continually at boord and bed with their husbands.
4. Masters have not such opportunity to exercise their cruelty over servants as husbands over wives, who are to be continually at board and bed with their husbands.
5. The neerer wiues are, and the dearer they ought to be to their husbands, the more grieuous muſt ſtroakes needs be when they are giuen by an husbands hand, then by a maſters.1118
- 1118. Huiuſmodi virum (ſiquidem vir appellandus eſt potius quàm fera) & patricidae, & matricidae ſimilem dixeris. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11. [moved in the edition]
5. The nearer wives are, and the dearer they ought to be to their husbands, the more grievous must strokes needs be when they are given by an husbands hand,1118 then by a masters.
- 1118. Huiusmodi virum (siquidem vir appellandus est potius quàm fera) & patricidae, & matricidae similem dixeris. Chrys. hom. 26. in 1 Cor‸ 11. [moved here by the editor]
6. The leſſe power and authority that an husband hath to ſtrike his wife, then a maſter to ſtrike a ſeruant, the more heauie doe his ſtroakes ſeeme to be, and the worſe doth the caſe of a wife ſeeme to be in that reſpect, then of a ſeruant. Not vnfitly therefore is ſuch a man (if he may be thought a man rather then a beaſt) ſaid to be like a father-queller and mother-queller.
6. The less power and authority that an husband hath to strike his wife, then a master to strike a servant, the more heavy do his strokes seem to be, and the worse doth the case of a wife seem to be in that respect, then of a servant. Not unfitly therefore is such a man (if he may be thought a man rather then a beast) said to be like a father-queller and mother-queller.
Anſw. With ſubmiſſion to better iudgements, I thinke he may not: my reaſons are theſe.
- 1119. An husband may not beat his wife.
Answ. With submission to better judgments, I think he may not: my reasons are these.
- 1119. An husband may not beat his wife.
1. There is no warrant thorowout the whole Scripture1120 by precept, or example for it: which argument though it be negatiue, yet for the point in hand is a forceable argument in two reſpects. 1. Becauſe the Scripture hath ſo plentifully and particularly declared the ſeuerall duties of husbands and wiues: and yet hath deliuered nothing concerning an huſbands ſtriking and beating his wife. 2. Becauſe it hath alſo plentifully and particularly ſpoaken of all ſuch as are to correct, and of their manner of correcting, and of their bearing correction who are to be corrected, and of the vſe they are to make thereof; and yet not any thing at all concerning an husbands puniſhing, or a wiues bearing in this kinde. The Scripture being ſo ſilent in this point, we may well inferre that God hath not ranked wiues among thoſe in the family who are to be corrected.
- 1120. Reaſons. 1. No warrant in the word.
1. There is no warrant throughout the whole Scripture1120 by precept, or example for it: which argument though it be negative, yet for the point in hand is a forcible argument in two respects. 1. Because the Scripture hath so plentifully and particularly declared the several duties of husbands and wives: and yet hath delivered nothing concerning an husbands striking and beating his wife. 2. Because it hath also plentifully and particularly spoken of all such as are to correct, and of their manner of correcting, and of their bearing correction who are to be corrected, and of the use they are to make thereof; and yet not any thing at all concerning an husbands punishing, or a wives bearing in this kind. The Scripture being so silent in this point, we may well infer that God hath not ranked wives among those in the family who are to be corrected.
- 1120. Reasons. 1. No warrant in the word.
2. That ſmall diſparity which (as I haue1121 before ſhewed) is1122 betwixt man and wife, permitteth not ſo high a power in an husband, and ſo low a ſeruitude in a wife, as for him to beat her. Can it be thought reaſonable that ſhe who is the mans p. 391 perpetuall bed-fellow, who hath power ouer his body, who1123 is a ioynt parent of the children, a ioynt gouernour of the family, ſhould be beaten by his hands? What if children or ſeruants ſhould know of it? (as they muſt needs: for how can ſuch a thing be done in the houſe and they of the houſe know it not?) can they reſpect her as a mother, or a miſtreſſe who is vnder correction as well as they?
2. That small disparity which (as I have1121 before showed) is1122 betwixt man and wife, permitteth not so high a power in an husband, and so low a servitude in a wife, as for him to beat her. Can it be thought reasonable that she who is the man’s perpetual bed-fellow, who hath power over his body, who1123 is a joint parent of the children, a joint governor of the family, should be beaten by his hands? What if children or servants should know of it? (as they must needs: for how can such a thing be done in the house and they of the house know it not?) can they respect her as a mother, or a mistress who is under correction as well as they?
3. The neere coniunction, and very vnion that is betwixt1124 man and wife ſuffereth not ſuch dealing to paſſe betwixt them. The wife is as a mans ſelfe,1125 They two are one fleſh. No man but a frantike, furious, deſperat wretch will beat himſelfe. Two ſorts of men are in Scripture noted to cut and lanch their owne fleſh, idolaters, as the1126 Baalites, and Daemoniacks, as1127 he that was poſſeſſed with a legion of deuils. Such are they who beat their wiues, either blinded in their vnderſtanding, or poſſeſſed with a deuill.
3. The near conjunction, and very union that is betwixt1124 man and wife suffereth not such dealing to pass betwixt them. The wife is as a man’s self, They two are one flesh.1125 No man but a frantic, furious, desperate wretch will beat himself. Two sorts of men are in Scripture noted to cut and lance their own flesh, idolaters, as the1126 Baalites, and Daemoniacs, as1127 he that was possessed with a legion of devils. Such are they who beat their wives, either blinded in their understanding, or possessed with a devil.
Obiect. He that is beſt in his wits will ſuffer his body to be pinched, pricked, lanched, and otherwiſe pained, if it be needfull and behoofull.
Object. He that is best in his wits will suffer his body to be pinched, pricked, lanced, and otherwise pained, if it be needful and behoveful.
Anſw. 1. A mans heart will not ſuffer him to doe any of theſe himſelfe: their are Chirurgions whoſe office it is to doe ſuch things: if the Chirurgion himſelfe haue need of any ſuch remedy for his owne body, he will vſe the helpe of another Chirurgion. If the caſe ſo ſtand as a wife muſt needs be beaten, it is fitter for an husband to referre the matter to a publike Magiſtrate (who is as an approued and licenſed Chirurgion) and not to doe it with his owne hands.
Answ. 1. A man’s heart will not suffer him to do any of these himself: there are Chirurgions whose office it is to do such things: if the Surgeon himself have need of any such remedy for his own body, he will use the help of another Surgeon. If the case so stand as a wife must needs be beaten, it is fitter for an husband to refer the matter to a public Magistrate (who is as an approved and licensed Surgeon) and not to do it with his own hands.
2. Though ſome parts of the body may be ſo dealt withall, yet euery part may not, as the heart, which the wife is to the man.
2. Though some parts of the body may be so dealt withal, yet every part may not, as the heart, which the wife is to the man.
3. The compariſon holdeth not. For the fore-named pinching, lanching, &c. is no puniſhment for any fault, as the beating of a wife in queſtion is, there is no queſtion but a man that hath skill may if need be open a veine, lanch a boile, ſplinter a broken bone, or diſioynted ioynt in his wiues body, which may be more painfull then correction: and herein the compariſon holdeth, but not in the other.
3. The comparison holdeth not. For the fore-named pinching, lancing, etc‸. is no punishment for any fault, as the beating of a wife in question is, there is no question but a man that hath skill may if need be open a vein, lance a boil, splinter a broken bone, or disjointed joint in his wives body, which may be more painful then correction: and herein the comparison holdeth, but not in the other.
2. Obiect. There is as neere a coniunction betwixt Chriſt p. 392 and his Church, as betwixt man and wife: yet Chriſt for beareth not to correct and puniſh his Church.
2. Object. There is as near a conjunction betwixt Christ and his Church, as betwixt man and wife: yet Christ forbeareth not to correct and punish his Church.
Anſw. There is a double relation betwixt Chriſt and the Church: he is an husband vnto it, hauing made it of his fleſh, and of his bones: and a ſupreme Lord ouer it, hauing all power1128 in heauen and earth committed vnto him. In this latter reſpect he puniſheth, not in the former. An husband is not ſuch a ſupreme Lord ouer his wife: therefore Chriſts example, is no warrant to him.
- 1128. Eph. 5. 30. Mat. 28. 18.
Answ. There is a double relation betwixt Christ and the Church: he is an husband unto it, having made it of his flesh, and of his bones: and a supreme Lord over it, having all power1128 in heaven and earth committed unto him. In this latter respect he punisheth, not in the former. An husband is not such a supreme Lord over his wife: therefore Christ’s example, is no warrant to him.
- 1128. Eph‸ 5:‸30. Matt 28:‸18.
4. There is no hope of any good to proceed from an huſbands1129 beating of his wife: for where the party corrected is perſwaded that the party which correcteth hath no authority or right ſo to doe, it will not be brought patiently to take it: but will reſiſt, and ſtriue if it be poſſible to get the maſtery. Let a ſtranger ſtrike ſuch a childe of yeeres or a ſeruant as will patiently beare many ſtroakes at a parents or maſters hand, they will turne againe at that ſtranger, and indeauour to giue him as good as he brings: now a wife hauing no ground to be perſwaded that her husband hath authority to1130 beat her, what hope is there that ſhe will patiently beare it, and be bettered by it? Or rather is it not likely that ſhe will, if ſhe can, riſe againſt him, ouer-maſter him (as many doe) and neuer doe any duty aright? A fault in a wife is not taken away but increaſed by blowes.
4. There is no hope of any good to proceed from an husbands1129 beating of his wife: for where the party corrected is persuaded that the party which correcteth hath no authority or right so to do, it will not be brought patiently to take it: but will resist, and strive if it be possible to get the mastery. Let a stranger strike such a child of years or a servant as will patiently bear many strokes at a parents or masters hand, they will turn again at that stranger, and endeavour to give him as good as he brings: now a wife having no ground to be persuaded that her husband hath authority to1130 beat her, what hope is there that she will patiently bear it, and be bettered by it? Or rather is it not likely that she will, if she can, rise against him, over-master him (as many do) and never do any duty aright? A fault in a wife is not taken away but increased by blows.
Obiect. Smart and paine may make her dread her husband, ſtand in awe of him, and doe her duty the better.
Object. Smart and pain may make her dread her husband, stand in awe of him, and do her duty the better.
Anſw. Such dread and awe beſeemes neither the place of an husband to exact it, nor the place of a wife to yeeld it. Though perforce ſhe may be brought to yeeld ſome outward ſubiection, yet inward hatred of her husbands perſon may be ioyned therewith, which is as bad, if not worſe then outward diſobedience.
Answ. Such dread and awe beseems neither the place of an husband to exact it, nor the place of a wife to yield it. Though perforce she may be brought to yield some outward subjection, yet inward hatred of her husbands person may be joined therewith, which is as bad, if not worse then outward disobedience.
Obiect. She may be of ſo outragious a diſpoſition, as, but by1131 force, ſhe will not be kept in any compaſſe.
Object. She may be of so outrageous a disposition, as, but by1131 force, she will not be kept in any compass.
1. Anſw. It hath beene of old time anſwered, that no fault ſhould be ſo great, as to compell an husband to beat his wife.
- 1131. Nullum ſit tam magnum peccatum, quod ad verberandum vxorem compellat. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11.
1. Answ. It hath been of old time answered, that no fault should be so great, as to compel an husband to beat his wife.
- 1131. Nullum sit tam magnum peccatum, quod ad verberandum vxorem compellat. Chrys. hom. 26. in 1 Cor‸ 11.
2. Anſw. Other forceable meanes may be vſed beſides beating by her husbands hands: ſhe may be reſtrained of libertie, denied ſuch things as ſhe moſt affecteth, be kept vp, as it were, in hold; p. 393 and, if no other meanes will ſerue the turne, be put ouer to the Magiſtrates hands, that if ſhe be of ſo ſeruile a diſpoſition, as by no other meanes ſhe will be kept vnder then by feare and force, by ſmart and paine, ſhe may feare the Magiſtrate, and feele his hand, rather then her husbands.
2. Answ. Other forcible means may be used besides beating by her husbands hands: she may be restrained of liberty, denied such things as she most affecteth, be kept up, as it were, in hold; and, if no other means will serve the turn, be put over to the Magistrates hands, that if she be of so servile a disposition, as by no other means she will be kept under then by fear and force, by smart and pain, she may fear the Magistrate, and feel his hand, rather then her husbands.
Obiect. If a wife waxe ſo manniſh, or rather mad, as to offer to ſtrike and beat her husband, may he not in that caſe beat her to make her ceaſe her outrage?
Object. If a wife wax so mannish, or rather mad, as to offer to strike and beat her husband, may he not in that case beat her to make her cease her outrage?
Anſw. I doubt not but that that good prouiſion which is made in law to preſerue a mans life, may be applied to this purpoſe. The law ſimply condemnes all murther; yet if a man be ſo aſſaulted, as there is no way to preſerue his owne life, but by taking away his life that aſſaults him, it condemneth not him as a murtherer, becauſe he did it in defence of himſelfe. So if an huſband1132 be ſet vpon by his wife, it is lawfull and expedient that he defend himſelfe, and if he can doe it no other wayes but by ſtriking her, that is not to be reckoned an vnlawfull beating her.
- 1132. Sedefendendo.
Answ. I doubt not but that that good provision which is made in law to preserve a man’s life, may be applied to this purpose. The law simply condemns all murder; yet if a man be so assaulted, as there is no way to preserve his own life, but by taking away his life that assaults him, it condemneth not him as a murderer, because he did it in defence of himself. So if an husband1132 be set upon by his wife, it is lawful and expedient that he defend himself, and if he can do it no other ways but by striking her, that is not to be reckoned an unlawful beating her.
- 1132. Se defendendo.
§. 45. Of an husbands bearing with his wines infirmities.
§. 45. Of an husbands bearing with his wives infirmities.
Hither to of the husbands auoiding of offence, a word concerning his bearing with offence.
Hitherto of the husbands avoiding of offence, a word concerning his bearing with offence.
A generall dutie it is, common to all of all ſorts, to beare one1133 anothers burden: in which extent euen a wife is to beare her huſbands burden, becauſe he, as euery one elſe, is ſubiect to ſlip and fall, and ſo hath need to be ſupported. Yet after a more ſpeciall and peculiar manner doth this dutie belong to an husband, and that in two reſpects.
- 1133. Gal. 6. 2.
A general duty it is, common to all of all sorts, to bear one1133 anothers burden: in which extent even a wife is to bear her husbands burden, because he, as every one else, is subject to slip and fall, and so hath need to be supported. Yet after a more special and peculiar manner doth this duty belong to an husband, and that in two respects.
- 1133. Gal‸ 6:‸2.
1. Of the two, he is more bound then his wife, becauſe in relation to his wife he is the ſtronger: for ſhe is the weaker veſſell,1134 1. Pet. 3. 7. But the ſtrong are moſt bound to beare with the infirmities of the weake, Rom. 15. 1.
- 1134. Conſidera mulierem debile vas eſſe: tu autem vir propterea princeps factus es, vt ſubditae feras imbecillitatem. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1. Cor. 11.
1. Of the two, he is more bound then his wife, because in relation to his wife he is the stronger: for she is the weaker vessel,1134 1‸ Pet‸ 3:‸7. But the strong are most bound to bear with the infirmities of the weak, Rom‸ 15:‸1.
- 1134. Considera mulierem debile vas esse: tu autem vir propterea princeps factus es, vt subditae feras imbecillitatem. Chrys. hom. 26. in 1‸ Cor‸ 11.
2. He is bound to beare with his wife more then with any other, becauſe of that neere coniunction which is betwixt them: he that cannot beare with his wife, his fleſh, can beare with no bodie. The reaſon alleaged by the Apoſtle to moue a man to dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and to giue honour to her, intimated in this phraſe, as to the weaker veſſell, ſheweth that this is a peculiar dutie belonging to an husband, wherein, and whereby he1135 p. 394 may both manifeſt his knowledge and wiſdome, and alſo doe honour to his wife. For why is he put in minde of her weakneſſe, but to ſhew he ſhould beare with her?
- 1135. 1. Pet. 3. 7. [moved in the edition]
2. He is bound to bear with his wife more then with any other, because of that near conjunction which is betwixt them: he that cannot bear with his wife, his flesh, can bear with no body. The reason alleged by the Apostle to move a man to dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and to give honour to her, intimated in this phrase, as to the weaker vessel,1135 showeth that this is a peculiar duty belonging to an husband, wherein, and whereby he may both manifest his knowledge and wisdom, and also do honour to his wife. For why is he put in mind of her weakness, but to show he should bear with her?
- 1135. 1‸ Pet‸ 3:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
As that phraſe intimateth the dutie, ſo alſo it intimateth a good reaſon to inforce it. For pretious things, whereof we make high account, the weaker they be, the more tenderly, and charily are they handled, as Cheney diſhes, and chriſtall glaſſes: and of all parts of the bodie, the eye is moſt tenderly handled. Now what things, what perſons are more deare and pretious then a wife? yet withall ſhe is a weake veſſell: therefore ſhe is much to be borne withall.
As that phrase intimateth the duty, so also it intimateth a good reason to enforce it. For precious things, whereof we make high account, the weaker they be, the more tenderly, and charily are they handled, as China dishes, and crystal glasses: and of all parts of the body, the eye is most tenderly handled. Now what things, what persons are more dear and precious then a wife? Yet withal she is a weak vessel: therefore she is much to be borne withal.
For an husbands better direction herein, difference muſt be1136 made betwixt infirmities: for ſome are naturall imperfections, other are actuall tranſgreſſions. Naturall imperfections are inward, (as ſlowneſſe in conceit, dulneſſe in apprehenſion, ſhortneſſe of memorie, haſtineſſe in paſſion, &c.) or outward, (as lameneſſe, blindneſſe, deafneſſe, or any other defect, and deformitie of bodie.) Theſe infirmities ſhould breed pitie, compaſſion, commiſeration, yea and greater tenderneſſe and reſpect, but no offence. Note Abrahams example in this caſe: his wife was barren, yet he deſpiſed1137 her not for it, nor vpbraided her with any ſuch thing.
- 1136. Directions to husbands for bearing with their wiues infirmities.
- 1137. Neque Saram tanquam ſterilem contempſit Abraham: ne ꝗ quicquam tale exprobauit. Si vxor pauper ſit, noli exprobare: & ſi ſtulta, noli ei inſultare, Ibid. Uxor iracunda &c. admonenda & adiuvanda conſilio, & omni conatu anniten. dum, vt illis liberetur affectibus, Ibid.
For an husbands better direction herein, difference must be1136 made betwixt infirmities: for some are natural imperfections, other are actual transgressions. Natural imperfections are inward, (as slowness in conceit, dulness in apprehension, shortness of memory, hastiness in passion, etc‸.) or outward, (as lameness, blindness, deafness, or any other defect, and deformity of body.) These infirmities should breed pity, compassion, commiseration, yea and greater tenderness and respect, but no offence. Note Abraham’s example in this case: his wife was barren, yet he despised1137 her not for it, nor upbraided her with any such thing.
- 1136. Directions to husbands for bearing with their wives infirmities.
- 1137. Neque Saram tanquam sterilem contempsit Abraham: neque quicquam tale exprobauit. Si vxor pauper sit, noli exprobare: & si stulta, noli ei insultare, Ibid. Vxor iracunda etc‸. admonenda & adiuvanda consilio, & omni conatu annitendum, vt illis liberetur affectibus, Ibid.
Actuall tranſgreſſions are breaches of Gods law: whereof ſuch are here ment, as are moſt directly tending to his owne diſquiet, and diſaduantage, as ſhrewiſhneſſe, waiwardneſſe, niceneſſe, ſtubbornneſſe, &c. In the bearing of theſe muſt an husband eſpecially ſhew his wiſdome, and that ſundry wayes.
Actual transgressions are breaches of God’s law: whereof such are here meant, as are most directly tending to his own disquiet, and disadvantage, as shrewishness, waywardness, niceness, stubbornness, etc‸. In the bearing of these must an husband especially show his wisdom, and that sundry ways.
1. By vſing the beſt and mildeſt meanes he can to redreſſe them, as meeke admonition, ſeaſonable aduice, gentle intreatie, and compaſſionate affection. Elkanah ſuppoſing that his wife offended in her paſſion, thus dealt with her and ſupported her.
1. By using the best and mildest means he can to redress them, as meek admonition, seasonable advice, gentle entreaty, and compassionate affection. Elkanah supposing that his wife offended in her passion, thus dealt with her and supported her.
2. By remouing the ſtone whereat ſhe ſtumbleth, by taking away the occaſion (ſo far as conueniently he can) which maketh her offend. Thus Abram, and that by Gods aduice, put Hagar and her ſonne out of the houſe, becauſe they were an offence to Sarah.
2. By removing the stone whereat she stumbleth, by taking away the occasion (so far as conveniently he can) which maketh her offend. Thus Abram, and that by God’s advice, put Hagar and her son out of the house, because they were an offence to Sarah.
3. By turning his eyes away (if the matter be not great, but1138 ſuch as may be tolerated) and taking no notice of the offence, but rather paſſing by it, as if he perceiued it not. Solomon ſaith, that p. 395 it is a mans glory to paſſe ouer a tranſgreſſion: and he exhorteth a1139 man not to giue his heart to all the words that men ſpeake.
3. By turning his eyes away (if the matter be not great, but1138 such as may be tolerated) and taking no notice of the offence, but rather passing by it, as if he perceived it not. Solomon saith, that it is a man’s glory to pass over a transgression:1139 and he exhorteth a man not to give his heart to all the words that men speak.
4. By forgiuing and forgetting it (if notice be taken thereof.) Iaakob tooke notice of Rachels raſh, and froward demand, for he1140 rebuked her for it: yet in that he readily yeelded to that which afterwards ſhe moued him vnto, it appeareth that he forgaue the offence, if not forgat it.
- 1140. Gen. 30. 1. 2, &c.
4. By forgiving and forgetting it (if notice be taken thereof.) Jacob took notice of Rachel’s rash, and froward demand, for he1140 rebuked her for it: yet in that he readily yielded to that which afterwards she moved him unto, it appeareth that he forgave the offence, if not forgat it.
- 1140. Gen‸ 30:‸1, 2, etc‸.
The beſt triall of a mans affection to his wife, and of his wiſdome1141 in ordering the ſame, is in this point of bearing with offences. Not to be offended with a wife that giueth no offence is not praiſe-worthy: heathen men may goe ſo farre. Note what Chriſt ſaith of this caſe, If yee loue them which loue you, and doe good to1142 them that doe good to you, what thanks and reward haue ye? for publicans, and ſinners doe the ſame: but gently to forbeare, and wiſely to paſſe ouer offences when they are giuen, not to be prouoked when there is cauſe of prouocation miniſtred, is a true Chriſtian vertue, a vertue beſeeming husbands better then any other kinde of men.
The best trial of a man’s affection to his wife, and of his wisdom1141 in ordering the same, is in this point of bearing with offences. Not to be offended with a wife that giveth no offence is not praise-worthy: heathen men may go so far. Note what Christ saith of this case, If ye love them which love you, and do good to1142 them that do good to you, what thanks and reward have ye? For publicans, and sinners do the same: but gently to forbear, and wisely to pass over offences when they are given, not to be provoked when there is cause of provocation ministered, is a true Christian virtue, a virtue beseeming husbands better then any other kind of men.
§. 46. Of husbands teſtineſſe.
§. 46. Of husbands testiness.
Contrary is teſtineſſe, and peeuiſhneſſe, when husbands are moued with the leaſt prouocation, like tinder catching fire at the leaſt ſparke that falleth vpon it: yea many are like gunpowder, which not only taketh fire, but alſo breaketh out into a violent flame, vpon the leaſt touch of fire: as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an houſe, ſo ſuch husbands to be ioyned ſo neerely to wiues as mariage ioyneth them. If it be ſaid, that as gunpowder doth no hurt, if fire come not at it; ſo they are good and kinde, if they be not prouoked and diſpleaſed. I anſwer, that we haue a prouerbe that ſaith, The deuill is good while he is pleaſed, yet it is not ſafe to haue the deuill too neere. It is as impoſſible (conſidering mans weakneſſe) that he ſhould liue and conuerſe with any, and not giue offence, as for flint ſtones long to beat and daſh againſt one another, & no ſparke of fire to come from them. How then may it be thought poſſible for a wife, who is ſo continually conuerſant with her husband, and the weaker veſſell, to liue without giuing him offence? It is no very kinde ſpeech, which huſbands vſe, eſpecially if they be told of their vnkindneſſe, Let my wife deſerue fauour, and ſhe ſhall haue it. How little fauour would p. 396 ſuch husbands haue of Chriſt their husband, if he ſhould be of that minde towards them?
Contrary is testiness, and peevishness, when husbands are moved with the least provocation, like tinder catching fire at the least spark that falleth upon it: yea many are like gunpowder, which not only taketh fire, but also breaketh out into a violent flame, upon the least touch of fire: as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an house, so such husbands to be joined so nearly to wives as marriage joineth them. If it be said, that as gunpowder doth no hurt, if fire come not at it; so they are good and kind, if they be not provoked and displeased. I answer, that we have a proverb that saith, The devil is good while he is pleased, yet it is not safe to have the devil too near. It is as impossible (considering man’s weakness) that he should live and converse with any, and not give offence, as for flint stones long to beat and dash against one another, & no spark of fire to come from them. How then may it be thought possible for a wife, who is so continually conversant with her husband, and the weaker vessel, to live without giving him offence? It is no very kind speech, which husbands use, especially if they be told of their unkindness, Let my wife deserve favour, and she shall have it. How little favour would such husbands have of Christ their husband, if he should be of that mind towards them?
Thus farre hath beene handled the firſt part of an husbands well managing his authoritie, by a tender reſpect of his wife.
Thus far hath been handled the first part of an husbands well managing his authority, by a tender respect of his wife.
The ſecond is a prouident care for her.
The second is a provident care for her.
A Husband’s Providing for His Wife
A Husband’s Providing for His Wife
§. 46. Of an husbands prouident care for his wife.
§. 46. Of an husbands provident care for his wife.
An husband that tenderly reſpecteth his wife, but prouidently careth not for her, ſheweth more affection then diſcretion: he may haue a kinde heart, but he wants a wiſe head. How then can he be a good head vnto his wife? Some preſent contentment ſhe may haue by him: but ſmall profit and benefit can ſhe reape from him. Thoſe duties therefore which haue beene deliuered muſt be done, but theſe that follow muſt by no meanes be left vndone.
An husband that tenderly respecteth his wife, but providently careth not for her, showeth more affection then discretion: he may have a kind heart, but he wants a wise head. How then can he be a good head unto his wife? Some present contentment she may have by him: but small profit and benefit can she reap from him. Those duties therefore which have been delivered must be done, but these that follow must by no means be left undone.
An husbands prouident care is noted in that office of Chriſt, wherein an husband reſembleth him, namely, to be a Sauiour of1143 the bodie, as hath beene1144 before declared. It conſiſteth
- 1. In prouiding things needfull for his wife.
- 2. In protecting her from things hurtfull.
1. A carefull prouiding of things needfull, is a principall part of1145 that honour, which husbands are to giue vnto their wiues. For where the Apoſtle ſaith, that Elders are worthy of double honour,1146 he meaneth maintenance as well as reuerence. The Apoſtle counteth him worſe then an Infidell, that prouideth not for his owne, and ſpecially for thoſe of his owne houſe. Who are of an husbands houſe,1147 if not his wife? in his houſe, who more properly his owne, then his wife? If then an husband prouide not for his wife, what is he1148 to be accounted?
- 1145. 1. Prouiding things needfull.
- 1146. 1 Pet. 3. 7. 1 Tim. 5. 17. [moved in the edition]
- 1147. 1 Tim. 5. 8. [moved in the edition]
- 1148. Recordare quòd pater vxoris tāquam depoſitum quoddam filiam tibi tradidit, & omnibus relictis, matre, domo, & ſeipſo, omnem eius curā tuae dexterae commiſit. Chryſ. hō. 26. in 1. Cor. 11.
1. A careful providing of things needful, is a principal part of1145 that honour, which husbands are to give unto their wives.1146 For where the Apostle saith, that Elders are worthy of double honour, he meaneth maintenance as well as reverence. The Apostle counteth him worse then an Infidel, that provideth not for his own,1147 and specially for those of his own house. Who are of an husbands house, if not his wife? In his house, who more properly his own, then his wife? If then an husband provide not for his wife, what is he1148 to be accounted?
- 1145. 1. Providing things needful.
- 1146. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸7. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸17. [moved here by the editor]
- 1147. 1 Tim‸ 5:‸8. [moved here by the editor]
- 1148. Recordare quòd pater vxoris tanquam depositum quoddam filiam tibi tradidit, & omnibus relictis, matre, domo, & seipso, omnem eius curam tuae dexterae commisit. Chrys. hom. 26. in 1‸ Cor‸ 11.
Great reaſon he ſhould prouide for her, becauſe he hath taken her from her parents and friends, and hath receiued that portion which they allotted her, and hath authoritie committed vnto him ouer her, and ſhe is put in ſubiection vnder him: her friends hauing giuen away her portion, and their power ouer her, and committed all to him, will take no further care for her: ſhe being in ſubiection vnder him cannot without him prouide for her ſelfe. Who then ſhall prouide for her if he doe not, whoſe wholy and only ſhe is?
Great reason he should provide for her, because he hath taken her from her parents and friends, and hath received that portion which they allotted her, and hath authority committed unto him over her, and she is put in subjection under him: her friends having given away her portion, and their power over her, and committed all to him, will take no further care for her: she being in subjection under him cannot without him provide for her self. Who then shall provide for her if he do not, whose wholly and only she is?
p. 397 Contrary is their minde, who take a wife only for their owne1149 content, or delight, or gaine, and neuer thinke of that charge which together with a wife they take vpon them. According to their minde is their practiſe: for when they haue a wife they neglect her in euery thing but what may ſtand with their owne ends. Much haue they to anſwer for: and ſo much the more, becauſe a wife is an eſpeciall pledge of Gods fauour.1150
Contrary is their mind, who take a wife only for their own1149 content, or delight, or gain, and never think of that charge which together with a wife they take upon them. According to their mind is their practise: for when they have a wife they neglect her in every thing but what may stand with their own ends. Much have they to answer for: and so much the more, because a wife is an especial pledge of God’s favour.1150
§. 47. Of an husbands prouiding meanes of ſpirituall ediſication for his wife.
§. 47. Of an husbands providing means of spiritual edification for his wife.
In this prouident care which an husband ought to haue of
his wife, we will conſider the Extent thereof.
Continuance
In this provident care which an husband ought to have of his wife, we will consider the extent and continuance thereof.
It ought to extend both to her ſelfe, and to others.
It ought to extend both to her self, and to others.
In regard of her ſelfe, to her Soule.
Body.
In regard of her self, to her
- Soul.
- Body.
For her Soule, meanes of ſpirituall edification muſt be provided, and thoſe both priuate and publike. Priuate meanes, are1151 holy and religious exerciſes in the houſe, as reading the word, praier, catechiſing, and ſuch like; which being the ſpirituall food of the ſoule are to be euery day, as our bodily food, prouided and vſed. An husband as a maſter of a family muſt provide theſe for the good of his whole houſe; but as an husband, in ſpeciall for the good of his wife: for to his wife, as well as to the whole houſe he is a King, a Prieſt, and a Prophet.
- 1151. Priuate means of edification.
For her Soul, means of spiritual edification must be provided, and those both private and public. Private means, are1151 holy and religious exercises in the house, as reading the word, prayer, catechising, and such like; which being the spiritual food of the soul are to be every day, as our bodily food, provided and used. An husband as a master of a family must provide these for the good of his whole house; but as an husband, in special for the good of his wife: for to his wife, as well as to the whole house he is a King, a Priest, and a Prophet.
- 1151. Private means of edification.
By himſelfe therefore, for his wiues good, ought he to performe theſe things, or to prouide that they may be done by ſome other. Craelius himſelfe performed thoſe exerciſes.1152 Micah hired a Leuite (though his Idolatry were euill, yet his care to haue a Leuite in his houſe was commendable.) The1153 Shunemites husband prouided a chamber for the Prophet, and that eſpecially for his wiues ſake, for it was at her requeſt.
By himself therefore, for his wives good, ought he to perform these things, or to provide that they may be done by some other. Cornelius himself performed those exercises.1152 Micah hired a Levite (though his Idolatry were evil, yet his care to have a Levite in his house was commendable.) The1153 Shunammite’s husband provided a chamber for the Prophet, and that especially for his wives sake, for it was at her request.
Publike meanes are the holy ordinances of God publikly1154 performed by Gods Miniſter. The care of an husband for his wife in this reſpect is, ſo to order his habitation, and prouide other needfull things, as his wife may be made partaker thereof. It is expreſly noted of Elkanah that he ſo prouided for his1155 wiues, that they went with him euery yeere to the houſe of God: the like is intimated of Ioſeph the husband of the virgin p. 398 Mary. In thoſe daies there was a publike place and houſe of God, whither all Gods people (how farre ſoeuer they dwelt from it) were to reſort euery yeere: the places where Elkanah and Ioſeph dwelt, were farre remote from the houſe of God, yet they ſo prouided, as not only themſelues, but their wiues alſo went to the publike worſhip of God. Now there are many houſes of God, places for the publike worſhip of God, but yet through the corruption of our times, the miniſtery of the word (the moſt principall meanes of ſpirituall edification) is not euery where to be enioyed: therefore ſuch ought an huſbands care for his wife in this reſpect to be, as to dwell where ſhe may haue the benefit of preaching the word, or elſe ſo to prouide for her, as ſhe may weekly goe where it may be had.
Public means are the holy ordinances of God publicly1154 performed by God’s Minister. The care of an husband for his wife in this respect is, so to order his habitation, and provide other needful things, as his wife may be made partaker thereof. It is expressly noted of Elkanah that he so provided for his1155 wives, that they went with him every year to the house of God: the like is intimated of Joseph the husband of the virgin Mary. In those days there was a public place and house of God, whither all God’s people (how far soever they dwelt from it) were to resort every year: the places where Elkanah and Joseph dwelt, were far remote from the house of God, yet they so provided, as not only themselves, but their wives also went to the public worship of God. Now there are many houses of God, places for the public worship of God, but yet through the corruption of our times, the ministry of the word (the most principal means of spiritual edification) is not every where to be enjoyed: therefore such ought an husbands care for his wife in this respect to be, as to dwell where she may have the benefit of preaching the word, or else so to provide for her, as she may weekly go where it may be had.
If men of wiſdome and abilitie make a purchaſe, or build an houſe for their habitation, they will be ſure it ſhall be where ſweet riuers and waters are, and good paſture ground, and where all needfull prouiſion may be had. Gods word preached is a ſpring of water of life; the place where it is preached a pleaſant, profitable paſture; all needfull prouiſion for the ſoule may there be had. Let this therefore be moſt of all inquired after: and no habitation ſetled but where this may be had.
If men of wisdom and ability make a purchase, or build an house for their habitation, they will be sure it shall be where sweet rivers and waters are, and good pasture ground, and where all needful provision may be had. God’s word preached is a spring of water of life; the place where it is preached a pleasant, profitable pasture; all needful provision for the soul may there be had. Let this therefore be most of all inquired after: and no habitation settled but where this may be had.
§. 48. Of neglecting their wiues edification.
§. 48. Of neglecting their wives edification.
Contrary is their practiſe, who hauing their calling in places where the word is plentifull, yet vpon outward reſpects of pleaſure, delight, eaſe, and profit, remoue their families into remote places where preaching is ſcarce, if at all; and there leaue their wiues to gouerne the family, not regarding their want of the word, for as much as they themſelues oft comming to London or other like places by reaſon of their calling, enioy the word themſelues. Many Citizens, Lawyers, and others are guiltie of great neglect of their wiues in this reſpect.
Contrary is their practise, who having their calling in places where the word is plentiful, yet upon outward respects of pleasure, delight, ease, and profit, remove their families into remote places where preaching is scarce, if at all; and there leave their wives to govern the family, not regarding their want of the word, for as much as they themselves oft coming to London or other like places by reason of their calling, enjoy the word themselves. Many Citizens, Lawyers, and others are guilty of great neglect of their wives in this respect.
So alſo are they, who abandon all religious exerciſes out of their houſes, making their houſes rather ſtewes of the deuill, then Churches of God. If for want of meanes, either publike or priuate, a wife liue and die in ignorance, profaneneſſe, infidelitie, and impenitencie, which cauſe eternall damnation, p. 399 aſſuredly her bloud ſhall be required at his hands: for an huſband1156 is Gods watchman to his wife.
- 1156. Ezek. 3. 18. &c.
So also are they, who abandon all religious exercises out of their houses, making their houses rather stews of the devil, then Churches of God. If for want of means, either public or private, a wife live and die in ignorance, profaneness, infidelity, and impenitency, which cause eternal damnation, assuredly her blood shall be required at his hands: for an husband1156 is God’s watchman to his wife.
- 1156. Ezek‸ 3:‸18. etc‸.
§. 49. Of an husbands prouiding things needfull for his wiues boay.
§. 49. Of an husbands providing things needful for his wives body.
To the body alſo muſt an husbands prouident care of his wife extend: and that both in health and ſickneſſe. In health by prouiding ſuch things as are needfull to preſerue health, as competent food, raiment, and the like neceſſaries. Where the1157 Prophet to aggrauate the miſery of the people ſaith, Seuen women ſhall take hold of one man, ſaying, We will eat our owne bread, and weare our owne apparell, only let vs be called by thy name, intimateth, that it was an husbands dutie to prouide bread and apparell, that is, all neceſſaries for his wife. Which the1158 law alſo implieth, where it inioyneth him that taketh one wife vpon another, not to diminiſh the food and raiment of the former. In ſickneſſe ſuch things are to be prouided as are needfull either to recouer her health, or to comfort, cheriſh and refreſh her in her ſickneſſe.
To the body also must an husbands provident care of his wife extend: and that both in health and sickness. In health by providing such things as are needful to preserve health, as competent food, raiment, and the like necessaries. Where the1157 Prophet to aggravate the misery of the people saith, Seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel, only let us be called by thy name, intimateth, that it was an husbands duty to provide bread and apparel, that is, all necessaries for his wife. Which the1158 law also implieth, where it enjoineth him that taketh one wife upon another, not to diminish the food and raiment of the former. In sickness such things are to be provided as are needful either to recover her health, or to comfort, cherish and refresh her in her sickness.
This was1159 before noted among common mutuall duties; for by vertue of the matrimoniall bond it belongeth both to man and wife: but to the man it appertaineth by vertue of that power and charge which he hath ouer his wife: and therefore it was needfull here to be touched.
- 1159. Treat. 2. Part. 2. §. 29.
This was1159 before noted among common mutual duties; for by virtue of the matrimonial bond it belongeth both to man and wife: but to the man it appertaineth by virtue of that power and charge which he hath over his wife: and therefore it was needful here to be touched.
- 1159. Treat. 2. Part. 2. §. 29.
§. 50. Of an husbands1160 prouident care for his wife about her child-bearing.
§. 50. Of an husbands provident care for his wife about her child-bearing.1160
Moſt proper to this place is that prouident care which huſbands ought to haue of their wiues both before and in the time of their trauell and child-bed: and that in two things eſpecially.
- 1160. Treat. 3. §. 49. [moved in the edition]
Most proper to this place is that provident care which husbands ought to have of their wives both before and in the time of their travel and child-bed: and that in two things especially.
- 1160. Treat. 3. §. 49. [moved here by the editor]
1. In procuring for their wiues to the vttermoſt of their power and abilitie, ſuch things as may ſaue their longing, in caſe they doe long (as in all ages women in the time of breeding and bearing childe, haue beene ſubiect thereunto.) For it is well knowne, that it is very dangerous both for mother and childe to want her longing: the death ſometimes of the one, ſometimes of the other, ſometimes of both hath followed thereupon.
1. In procuring for their wives to the uttermost of their power and ability, such things as may save their longing, in case they do long (as in all ages women in the time of breeding and bearing child, have been subject thereunto.) For it is well known, that it is very dangerous both for mother and child to want her longing: the death sometimes of the one, sometimes of the other, sometimes of both hath followed thereupon.
2. In prouiding ſuch things as are needfull for their trauell p. 400 and lying in childbed. This time is eſpecially to be prouided for, in many reſpects.
2. In providing such things as are needful for their travel and lying in childbed. This time is especially to be provided for, in many respects.
1. Becauſe it is a time of weakneſſe, wherein the woman cannot well prouide for her ſelfe.
1. Because it is a time of weakness, wherein the woman cannot well provide for her self.
2. Becauſe her weakneſſe is ioyned with much paine: the1161 paine of a women in trauell is the greateſt paine that ordinarily is endured by any for the time: none know it ſo well as they that feele it: and many husbands becauſe they are not ſubiect thereto, thinke but lightly of it: but if we duly weigh1162 that the holy Ghoſt when he would ſet forth the extremitie of any paines and pangs, reſembleth them to the paines of a woman in trauell, we may well gather, that of all they are the greateſt: which is further manifeſted by the ſcreekes and outcries which not only weake, and faint-hearted women vtter in the time of their trauell, but alſo are forced from the ſtrongeſt, and ſtouteſt women that be, and that though before hand they reſolue to the contrary. Neither may we wonder thereat; for their body is as it were ſet on a racke (if at leaſt the trauell be ſharpe) and all their parts ſo ſtretched, as a wonder it is they ſhould euer recouer their health and ſtrength againe: or that they ſhould hold out the brunt, and not die with their trauell, as Rachel, and the wife of Phinchas, and many in all ages haue1163 done. Surely among ordinary deliuerances I know none ſo neere a miracle, none wherein the Almighty doth ſo euidently manifeſt his great power and good prouidence, as in the ſafe deliuerie of women. Beſides the great pang of trauell, women are alſo after their deliuerie ſubiect to many after-throws which are very painfull. From all theſe paines and great weakneſſe which befalleth women in childbed, eſpecially if they nurſe their children, men by reaſon of their ſex are freed: Now then to apply this point, ſeeing women are brought to ſuch paines and weakneſſe in bringing forth thoſe children which are the mans as well as hers, and he freed from all; is it not very iuſt and meet that he ſhould prouide all things needfull for her welfare, eaſe, and recouery of ſtrength?
2. Because her weakness is joined with much pain: the1161 pain of a women in travel is the greatest pain that ordinarily is endured by any for the time: none know it so well as they that feel it: and many husbands because they are not subject thereto, think but lightly of it: but if we duly weigh1162 that the Holy Ghost when he would set forth the extremity of any pains and pangs, resembleth them to the pains of a woman in travel, we may well gather, that of all they are the greatest: which is further manifested by the shrieks and outcries which not only weak, and faint-hearted women utter in the time of their travel, but also are forced from the strongest, and stoutest women that be, and that though before hand they resolve to the contrary. Neither may we wonder thereat; for their body is as it were set on a rack (if at least the travel be sharp) and all their parts so stretched, as a wonder it is they should ever recover their health and strength again: or that they should hold out the brunt, and not die with their travel, as Rachel, and the wife of Phinehas,1163 and many in all ages have done. Surely among ordinary deliverances I know none so near a miracle, none wherein the Almighty doth so evidently manifest his great power and good providence, as in the safe delivery of women. Besides the great pang of travel, women are also after their delivery subject to many after-throws which are very painful. From all these pains and great weakness which befalleth women in childbed, especially if they nurse their children, men by reason of their sex are freed: Now then to apply this point, seeing women are brought to such pains and weakness in bringing forth those children which are the man’s as well as hers, and he freed from all; is it not very just and meet that he should provide all things needful for her welfare, ease, and recovery of strength?
3. Becauſe the want of things needfull is at that time very dangerous: dangerous to the health and life of the woman and childe alſo.
3. Because the want of things needful is at that time very dangerous: dangerous to the health and life of the woman and child also.
§. 51. Of neglecting wiues in their weakneſſe.
§. 51. Of neglecting wives in their weakness.
But contrary in particular to an husbands care for his wife in childbed, is the inhumane and more then barbarous vnkindneſſe of many husbands, who no whit conſider the weakneſſe of their wiues in this caſe, to helpe, eaſe, and comfort them, but rather make their burden much more heauy. For,
But contrary in particular to an husbands care for his wife in childbed, is the inhumane and more then barbarous unkindness of many husbands, who no whit consider the weakness of their wives in this case, to help, ease, and comfort them, but rather make their burden much more heavy. For,
1. Some through couetouſneſſe refuſe before hand to afford meanes to their wife to prouide ſuch things as are needfull for her ſelfe and child: & when the time commeth, if their wife be deſirous of a Midwife that requireth ſomwhat more charges then ſhe that is next, ſhe ſhall haue none if ſhe will not haue the next. And as for a nurſe to tend her, they thinke their Maid will ſerue the turne wel enough: they need not be at the charges to bring a Nurſe into the houſe. In regard of conuenient lodging ſome will not ſticke to ſay, Cannot my wife be brought to bed in a roome without a chimney as well as the Virgin Mary? Why ſhould my wife need more things then ſhe did? Yea further there be many that whē the time that their wife ſhould be deliuered approacheth neere, carie her from al her friends into a place where ſhe is not knowne, leſt her friends ſhould by importunity draw him to expend and lay out more vpon his wife then he is willing. In the time while their wife is weake in childbed, many are loath to allow them any other diet then is for themſelues and children prouided in the houſe, not conſidering that her ſtomach cannot be like theirs.
1. Some through covetousness refuse before hand to afford means to their wife to provide such things as are needful for her self and child: & when the time cometh, if their wife be desirous of a Midwife that requireth somewhat more charges then she that is next, she shall have none if she will not have the next. And as for a nurse to tend her, they think their Maid will serve the turn well enough: they need not be at the charges to bring a Nurse into the house. In regard of convenient lodging some will not stick to say, Cannot my wife be brought to bed in a room without a chimney as well as the Virgin Mary? Why should my wife need more things then she did? Yea further there be many that when the time that their wife should be delivered approacheth near, carry her from all her friends into a place where she is not known, lest her friends should by importunity draw him to expend and lay out more upon his wife then he is willing. In the time while their wife is weak in childbed, many are loath to allow them any other diet then is for themselves and children provided in the house, not considering that her stomach cannot be like theirs.
Many other ſuch bitter fruits of vnkinde husbands ariſing from couetouſneſſe might be reckoned vp, whereby husbands plainely ſhew that they loue their wealth better then their wiues: they had rather loſe them, then part with that.
Many other such bitter fruits of unkind husbands arising from covetousness might be reckoned up, whereby husbands plainly show that they love their wealth better then their wives: they had rather lose them, then part with that.
2. Others through iealous ſuſpicion forbeare not euen in1165 the time of their wiues paine and weakneſſe, to vpbraid them with lightneſſe, and to ſay that the childe is none of theirs. To lay this to a wiues charge vniuſtly, is at any time a moſt ſhamefull and odious reproach: but in the time of childebirth p. 402 whether iuſt or vniuſt, a thing too too ſpightfull and reuengefull. Some wiues are ſo farre ouercome thereby, (eſpecially in the time of their weakneſſe) as they are not able to beare it, but euen faint and die vnder the reproach: others more ſtout vow neuer to know their husbands againe. Many like miſchiefes follow on ſuch vnkindneſſe.
- 1165. Si quid vxor peccauerit conſolare & noli moerorem augere. Chryſ. hom. 26. in 1 Cor. 11.
2. Others through jealous suspicion forbear not even in1165 the time of their wives pain and weakness, to upbraid them with lightness, and to say that the child is none of theirs. To lay this to a wives charge unjustly, is at any time a most shameful and odious reproach: but in the time of childbirth whether just or unjust, a thing too too spiteful and revengeful. Some wives are so far overcome thereby, (especially in the time of their weakness) as they are not able to bear it, but even faint and die under the reproach: others more stout vow never to know their husbands again. Many like mischiefs follow on such unkindness.
- 1165. Si quid vxor peccauerit consolare & noli moerorem augere. Chrys. hom. 26. in 1 Cor‸ 11.
§. 52. Of an husbands1166 prouiding for his wife according to his eſtate and abilitie.
§. 52. Of an husbands providing for his wife according to his estate and ability.*
In an husbands prouiding for the body of his wife reſpect muſt be had to the meaſure, and to the manner.
- 1166. Treat. 3. §. 38. [moved in the edition]
In an husbands providing for the body of his wife respect must be had to the measure, and to the manner.
- 1166. Treat. 3. §. 38. [moved here by the editor]
The meaſure muſt extend to his ability: for an husband ought to maintaine his wife in as good an eſtate and faſhion as himſelfe; by mariage ſhe is aduanced to as high an eſtate, and dignity in relation to others as he is: and for her owne vſe ſhe is made a partner of all his goods, and accordingly ought to partake thereof.
The measure must extend to his ability: for an husband ought to maintain his wife in as good an estate and fashion as himself; by marriage she is advanced to as high an estate, and dignity in relation to others as he is: and for her own use she is made a partner of all his goods, and accordingly ought to partake thereof.
Both in the meaſure and in the manner of prouiding, there muſt be a difference put betwixt a wife, and ſeruants or children. Theſe may haue their portions of meat, apparrell, and like neceſſaries, proportioned out and ſtinted vnto them, which is vnmeet to be done to a wife. Neither is it needfull that ſo plentifull a prouiſion be made for them as for her.
Both in the measure and in the manner of providing, there must be a difference put betwixt a wife, and servants or children. These may have their portions of meat, apparel, and like necessaries, proportioned out and stinted unto them, which is unmeet to be done to a wife. Neither is it needful that so plentiful a provision be made for them as for her.
§. 53. Of an husbands nigardlyneſſe to his wife.
§. 53. Of an husbands niggardliness to his wife.
Contrary is an husbands nigardly dealing with his wife: when the allowance ſhe hath is both farre vnder his eſtate, and alſo ſo giuen her by little and little, as if ſhe were a childe. Many husbands make their wiues drudge at home, fare hardly, and goe meanly; who are themſelues braue in apparrell, frolicke in their feaſting abroad, and ſo exceed their wiues as they are aſhamed to be ſeene in company with them. They who marry their maids, or others of meaner ranke then themſelues, oft ſo deale with them: eſteeming them but as ſeruants and meane perſons though they be their wiues. But it hath beene1168 before ſhewed, that wiues by marriage are aduanced to their p. 403 husbands dignity, how meane ſoeuer they were before.
- 1168. §. 6.
Contrary is an husbands niggardly dealing with his wife: when the allowance she hath is both far under his estate, and also so given her by little and little, as if she were a child. Many husbands make their wives drudge at home, fare hardly, and go meanly; who are themselves brave in apparel, frolic in their feasting abroad, and so exceed their wives as they are ashamed to be seen in company with them. They who marry their maids, or others of meaner rank then themselves, oft so deal with them: esteeming them but as servants and mean persons though they be their wives. But it hath been1168 before showed, that wives by marriage are advanced to their husbands dignity, how mean soever they were before.
- 1168. §. 6.
§. 54. Of husbands1169 allowing their wiues to beſtow on others, as they ſee good occaſion.
§. 54. Of husbands allowing their wives to bestow on others, as they see good occasion.*
So farre ought the prouident care of an husband for his wife to extend, as ſhe may haue (beſide things needfull to her ſelfe) to beſtow on ſuch as it is requiſite for her to giue vnto: as namely, on children and ſeruants in the houſe, and others alſo out of the houſe. For ſo much is noted in Salomons deſcription1170 of a good wife; She giueth meat to her houſhold, and a portion to her maidens: all her houſhold is clothed with ſcarlet (namely, by her ordering and diſpoſing the matter.) Her children riſe vp and call her bleſſed, as for her generall cariage in the family, ſo for her particular fauours beſtowed on themſelues. As for1171 others out of the houſe, it is alſo noted, that ſhe ſtretcheth out her hand to the poore, and reacheth forth her hands to the needie. Theſe things ſhe did by virtue of that power and liberty which her husband gaue her: as appeareth by two points there noted:
So far ought the provident care of an husband for his wife to extend, as she may have (beside things needful to her self) to bestow on such as it is requisite for her to give unto: as namely, on children and servants in the house, and others also out of the house. For so much is noted in Solomon’s description1170 of a good wife; She giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens: all her household is clothed with scarlet (namely, by her ordering and disposing the matter.) Her children rise up and call her blessed, as for her general carriage in the family, so for her particular favours bestowed on themselves. As for1171 others out of the house, it is also noted, that she stretcheth out her hand to the poor, and reacheth forth her hands to the needy. These things she did by virtue of that power and liberty which her husband gave her: as appeareth by two points there noted:
After this patterne it is meete that other husbands (whoſe wiues are wiſe and faithfull) ſhould deale with their wiues: that in the houſe they might haue the more honour of children and ſeruants: and that out of the houſe they might giue the better tryall of their charity.
After this pattern it is meet that other husbands (whose wives are wise and faithful) should deal with their wives: that in the house they might have the more honour of children and servants: and that out of the house they might give the better trial of their charity.
For conſidering the many excellent promiſes that are made to workes of mercy and charity, and the many terrible threatnings that are denounced not onely againſt ſuch as exerciſe cruelty, but alſo againſt ſuch as ſhew no mercy: conſidering alſo that wiues together with their husbands, are heires of the1174 grace of life, it is very needfull yea euen neceſſary, that they ſhould manifeſt their faith by ſome worke of mercy and charity. Now vnleſſe her husband doe giue vnto her ſomething at her owne diſcretion to beſtow on others, true and through p. 404 try all of her mercifull and charitable minde cannot be made. If ſhe giue of that which her husband hath reſerued to himſelfe, as her giuing is vnlawfull, ſo ſhe may be thought liberall, not becauſe ſhe is mercifull, but becauſe notwithſtanding her liberality ſhe parteth with nothing of her owne: yea though ſhe haue a generall conſent to giue as ſhe ſeeth cauſe of the common goods of the family, yet is not that ſo ſure and ſound a tryall of her charity, and mercifulneſſe, as if ſhe had ſomething of her owne which ſhe might retaine or giue away as pleaſeth her ſelfe; and what ſhe giues not away, lay vp as her owne ſtocke proper to her ſelfe. For there is naturally ſuch a ſelfe loue in man, and a deſire to keepe that which is proper to ones ſelfe, that he is very loath to part with any of it, vnleſſe conſcience and grace alter this corruption of nature, and ſo moue him readily to lay out ſomething on charitable vſes. But otherwiſe of that which in whole or in part belongeth to another (be that other, husband, parent, maſter, friend, or any elſe) he is eaſily moued to be liberall and bountifull: a man will willingly cut a large thong (as we ſpeake) out of anothers leather.
- 1174. 1 Pet. 3. 7.
For considering the many excellent promises that are made to works of mercy and charity, and the many terrible threatenings that are denounced not only against such as exercise cruelty, but also against such as show no mercy: considering also that wives together with their husbands, are heirs of the1174 grace of life, it is very needful yea even necessary, that they should manifest their faith by some work of mercy and charity. Now unless her husband do give unto her something at her own discretion to bestow on others, true and thorough trial of her merciful and charitable mind cannot be made. If she give of that which her husband hath reserved to himself, as her giving is unlawful, so she may be thought liberal, not because she is merciful, but because notwithstanding her liberality she parteth with nothing of her own: yea though she have a general consent to give as she seeth cause of the common goods of the family, yet is not that so sure and sound a trial of her charity, and mercifulness, as if she had something of her own which she might retain or give away as pleaseth her self; and what she gives not away, lay up as her own stock proper to her self. For there is naturally such a self love in man, and a desire to keep that which is proper to ones self, that he is very loath to part with any of it, unless conscience and grace alter this corruption of nature, and so move him readily to lay out something on charitable uses. But otherwise of that which in whole or in part belongeth to another (be that other, husband, parent, master, friend, or any else) he is easily moved to be liberal and bountiful: a man will willingly cut a large thong (as we speak) out of anothers leather.
- 1174. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸7.
It is knowne that many children and ſeruants, who, when they come to be poſſeſſers of their owne, are very niggards and miſers, haue beene liberall of their parents and maſters goods vnto the poore. Yea parteners in a ſtocke will be much more forward in giuing away that which is common with another, then that which is proper to each of them. The trueſt triall of a mercifull and charitable heart lieth in the diſtribution of that which is proper to ones ſelfe.
It is known that many children and servants, who, when they come to be possessors of their own, are very niggards and misers, have been liberal of their parents and masters goods unto the poor. Yea partners in a stock will be much more forward in giving away that which is common with another, then that which is proper to each of them. The truest trial of a merciful and charitable heart lieth in the distribution of that which is proper to ones self.
It is therefore meet vpon this very ground, that an husband ſhould according to his ability let his wife haue ſome ſtocke, and portion of her owne, free to her ſelfe to diſpoſe as ſhe ſeeth good: intimating vnto her that the principall end why he prouideth ſo plentifully for her, is, that ſhe may ſhew forth the fruits of her faith by ſome workes of charity: and exhorting her ſo to doe. Many religious, wiſe, kinde husbands thus doe: ſome giuing quarterly allowance in money to their wiues, others giuing their wiues power to receiue a certaine portion of rent out of certaine lands or houſes; others making p. 405 their wiues an abſolute eſtate of ſome inheritance, and ſuffering them to receiue the profits and reuenewes thereof; others giuing them certaine fees of their offices, or of their trade; others, that are poore, ſuffering them to worke for themſelues, & diſpoſe their earnings as they ſee cauſe: ſome one way, ſome another: euery one in his place beſt knoweth the meanes how to gratifie his wife in this kinde: it ſhall be ſufficient for me to haue laide downe the generall rule.
It is therefore meet upon this very ground, that an husband should according to his ability let his wife have some stock, and portion of her own, free to her self to dispose as she seeth good: intimating unto her that the principal end why he provideth so plentifully for her, is, that she may show forth the fruits of her faith by some works of charity: and exhorting her so to do. Many religious, wise, kind husbands thus do: some giving quarterly allowance in money to their wives, others giving their wives power to receive a certain portion of rent out of certain lands or houses; others making their wives an absolute estate of some inheritance, and suffering them to receive the profits and revenues thereof; others giving them certain fees of their offices, or of their trade; others, that are poor, suffering them to work for themselves, & dispose their earnings as they see cause: some one way, some another: every one in his place best knoweth the means how to gratify his wife in this kind: it shall be sufficient for me to have laid down the general rule.
§. 55. Of husbands too great ſtraitneſſe ouer their wiues.
§. 55. Of husbands too great straitness over their wives.
Contrary is their ſtrait-handedneſſe to their wiues, who allow them no more then may be for their owne priuat vſe. They thinke it a great matter and as much as an husband is bound to doe, to let her haue apparrell, meat and drinke, and ſuch neceſſaries as are befitting her ranke, but all other ouerplus they thinke needleſſe. Thus their wiues are not only depriued of meanes to gaine reſpect of their children and ſeruants at home, and to gratifie ſuch as are obedient and ready to doe ſeruice to them, but alſo to performe ſuch workes of mercie as both opportunity requireth, and alſo their conſcience moueth them to doe. Yea many wiues of rich huſbands are brought to great ſhame hereby, in that being in places where there is iuſt occaſion of contributing to ſome charitable vſe, and by reaſon of their rich and coſtly apparell it is expected they ſhould be bountiful, they haue not any thing at all to beſtow. The fault of ſome husbands in this reſpect is great many waies. As 1. in that they bring ſhame and griefe to their wiues, whom they ought with all tenderneſſe to reſpect. 2. In that they diſhonour their owne places: for they who take notice of this ſtraitneſſe to their wiues, will be ready to iudge them both couetous, and vnkinde. 3. The omitting of that worke of mercie which their wiues ſhould haue done ſhall be laid to their charge: they ſhall heare that dreadfull doome; Goe yee curſed into euerlaſting fire, for I was an hungred and yee fed me not &c. and if they anſwer, When ſaw we thee an hungred &c. it ſhall be replied, In that yee ſuffered not your wiues to doe it, you did it not.
Contrary is their strait-handedness to their wives, who allow them no more then may be for their own private use. They think it a great matter and as much as an husband is bound to do, to let her have apparel, meat and drink, and such necessaries as are befitting her rank, but all other overplus they think needless. Thus their wives are not only deprived of means to gain respect of their children and servants at home, and to gratify such as are obedient and ready to do service to them, but also to perform such works of mercy as both opportunity requireth, and also their conscience moveth them to do. Yea many wives of rich husbands are brought to great shame hereby, in that being in places where there is just occasion of contributing to some charitable use, and by reason of their rich and costly apparel it is expected they should be bountiful, they have not any thing at all to bestow. The fault of some husbands in this respect is great many ways. As 1. In that they bring shame and grief to their wives, whom they ought with all tenderness to respect. 2. In that they dishonour their own places: for they who take notice of this straitness to their wives, will be ready to judge them both covetous, and unkind. 3. The omitting of that work of mercy which their wives should have done shall be laid to their charge: they shall hear that dreadful doom; Go ye cursed into everlasting fire, for I was an hungred and ye fed me not etc‸. and if they answer, When saw we thee an hungred etc‸. it shall be replied, In that ye suffered not your wives to do it, you did it not.
Thus much of the extent of an husbands prouident care p. 406 for the good of his wife. It followeth to ſpeake of the continuance thereof.
Thus much of the extent of an husbands provident care for the good of his wife. It followeth to speak of the continuance thereof.
§. 57. Of an husbands care to prouide for his wife ſo long as ſhe ſhall liue.
§. 57. Of an husbands care to provide for his wife so long as she shall live.
The continuance of an husbands prouident care for his wife muſt be ſo long as ſhe liueth, yea though ſhe out-liue him: not that he can actually when he is dead prouide for her, but that he may before his death ſo prouide for her, as ſhe may haue wherewithall to maintaine her ſelfe, and to liue according to that place whereunto by him ſhe is aduanced: at leaſt that he leaue her not only ſo much as he had with her, but ſomething more alſo in teſtimony of his loue to her, and care for her. Husbands haue the example of Chriſt to preſſe this duty vpon them: for when he went away from his Church here on1175 earth, he left his ſpirit, which furniſhed it with gifts as plentifully, as if Chriſt had ſtill remained with her, if not more aboundantly.
- 1175. Eph 4. 8. [moved in the edition]
The continuance of an husbands provident care for his wife must be so long as she liveth, yea though she out-live him: not that he can actually when he is dead provide for her, but that he may before his death so provide for her, as she may have wherewithal to maintain her self, and to live according to that place whereunto by him she is advanced: at least that he leave her not only so much as he had with her, but something more also in testimony of his love to her, and care for her. Husbands have the example of Christ to press this duty upon them: for when he went away from his Church1175 here on earth, he left his spirit, which furnished it with gifts as plentifully, as if Christ had still remained with her, if not more abundantly.
- 1175. Eph 4:‸8. [moved here by the editor]
For the better performance of this duty, husbands which die before the wiues, muſt obſerue among other things two eſpecially.
For the better performance of this duty, husbands which die before the wives, must observe among other things two especially.
1. That plainly and expreſly they declare their minde and1176 will before they die, leſt their wiues ſhould be circumuented and defrauded of that which they intended them. Thus did Dauid vpon the motion of Bathſhebah, he ſetled his eſtate, and cauſed Bathſhebahs ſonne to be actually crowned before he himſelfe gaue vp the Ghoſt: which he did, as for other weighty reaſons, ſo in particular for his wiues good, as may be gathered from that reaſon ſhe alleaged to the King in theſe1177 words; Elſe when my Lord the King ſhall ſleepe-with his fathers, I ſhall be reputed vile.
1. That plainly and expressly they declare their mind and1176 will before they die, lest their wives should be circumvented and defrauded of that which they intended them. Thus did David upon the motion of Bathsheba, he settled his estate, and caused Bathshebahs son to be actually crowned before he himself gave up the Ghost: which he did, as for other weighty reasons, so in particular for his wives good, as may be gathered from that reason she alleged to the King in these1177 words; Else when my Lord the King shall sleep‸ ‸with his fathers, I shall be reputed vile.
2. That he requeſt ſome faithfull friend in his ſteed to be an helper vnto her; (as Chriſt commended his mother vnto his diſciple Iohn) which will be needfull in regard of her weakneſſe, by reaſon of her ſex, and want of experience to manage ſuch affaires eſpecially as are out of the houſe.
2. That he request some faithful friend in his stead to be an helper unto her; (as Christ commended his mother unto his disciple John) which will be needful in regard of her weakness, by reason of her sex, and want of experience to manage such affairs especially as are out of the house.
At the time of a mans departure out of this world from his wife, will the trueſt triall of his affection to his wife be giuen: for many that beare their wiues faire in hand while they liue p. 407 with them, at their death ſhew that there was no ſoundneſſe of affection in their heart towards them: all was but a meere ſhew for ſome by-reſpects.
At the time of a man’s departure out of this world from his wife, will the truest trial of his affection to his wife be given: for many that bear their wives fair in hand while they live with them, at their death show that there was no soundness of affection in their heart towards them: all was but a mere show for some by-respects.
§. 58. Of husbands neglect of their wiues future eſtate.
§. 58. Of husbands neglect of their wives future estate.
1. Some through improuidence, vnthriftineſſe and prodigality, diſable themſelues from doing good to their wiues after their death; and ſo leaue their wiues nothing, or (that which is worſe then nothing) in debt, and with a great charge of children. That care which husbands ought to haue of their wiues ſhould make them thinke before hand of the time to come, and euen for their wiues ſake be ſome-what the more diligent, thrifty, and prouident, and cut off many vnneceſſary expences, elſe their ſinne is doubled. 1. By a needleſſe waſting their eſtate. 2. By neglecting their wiues.
1. Some through improvidence, unthriftiness and prodigality, disable themselves from doing good to their wives after their death; and so leave their wives nothing, or (that which is worse then nothing) in debt, and with a great charge of children. That care which husbands ought to have of their wives should make them think before hand of the time to come, and even for their wives sake be some-what the more diligent, thrifty, and provident, and cut off many unnecessary expenses, else their sin is doubled. 1. By a needless wasting their estate. 2. By neglecting their wives.
2. Others by fawning, or forcing meanes draw their wiues1179 to yeeld vp that intereſt they haue in money, goods, houſe or land by ioynter, inheritance, or any other way, and yet make them no ſufficient recompence in another kinde: but at their death leaue their wiues in a farre worſe eſtate then they were in before mariage, beſide a greater charge then they had before. As this is a great part of vnkindneſſe, ſo alſo a maine point of iniuſtice.
- 1179. 2 Making away their wiues ioynter, or any other right.
2. Others by fawning, or forcing means draw their wives1179 to yield up that interest they have in money, goods, house or land by jointure, inheritance, or any other way, and yet make them no sufficient recompense in another kind: but at their death leave their wives in a far worse estate then they were in before marriage, beside a greater charge then they had before. As this is a great part of unkindness, so also a main point of injustice.
- 1179. 2. Making away their wives jointure, or any other right.
3. Others grudging againſt the lawes vnder which they1180 liue for prouiding for a wife by thirds or otherwiſe, vſe all the fraudulent meanes they can to depriue her of that which otherwiſe the law would lay vpon her. The ciuill politique awes of the place where we liue ought to be the rule of our ciuill actions (ſo farre as they are not repugnant to Gods word) and we ought for conſcience ſake to be ſubiect vnto1181 them. Beſides an husband ought (though the law forced him not) to leaue at leaſt the thirds to his wife, as a teſtimony of his loue to her, and care for her: ſo as this alſo is a double fault. 1. A tranſgreſſion of the law. 2. A note of vnkindneſſe.
3. Others grudging against the laws under which they1180 live for providing for a wife by thirds or otherwise, use all the fraudulent means they can to deprive her of that which otherwise the law would lay upon her. The civil politic laws of the place where we live ought to be the rule of our civil actions (so far as they are not repugnant to God’s word) and we ought for conscience sake to be subject unto1181 them. Besides an husband ought (though the law forced him not) to leave at least the thirds to his wife, as a testimony of his love to her, and care for her: so as this also is a double fault. 1. A transgression of the law. 2. A note of unkindness.
4. Orthers hauing aged and ſickly wiues, or otherwiſe1182 thinking that their wiues may, or rather hoping that their wiues will die before themſelues, put off the making of their p. 408 wills of purpoſe that they might not put in their wiues thirds, but diſpoſe them ſome other way. Beſides that theſe husbands ſhew no good affection towards their wiues, they prouoke God to diſappoint them of their hopes: and ſo he doth often-times: for he taketh them away before their wiues, and ſo taketh them away, as hauing no time to make their will, not only their wiues enioy their thirds (which they ſo much deſired to auoid) but alſo ſome other (whom of all in their life time they miſliked) ſeaze vpon the other two parts.
- 1182. 4. Making no will.
4. Others having aged and sickly wives, or otherwise1182 thinking that their wives may, or rather hoping that their wives will die before themselves, put off the making of their wills of purpose that they might not put in their wives thirds, but dispose them some other way. Besides that these husbands show no good affection towards their wives, they provoke God to disappoint them of their hopes: and so he doth often-times: for he taketh them away before their wives, and so taketh them away, as having no time to make their will, not only their wives enjoy their thirds (which they so much desired to avoid) but also some other (whom of all in their life time they misliked) seize upon the other two parts.
- 1182. 4. Making no will.
§. 58. Of an husbands protecting his wife from danger.
§. 58. Of an husbands protecting his wife from danger.
Hauing ſhewed how an husband is to prouide things needfull for his wife: It remaineth to ſhew how he is to protect her from things hurtfull.
Having showed how an husband is to provide things needful for his wife: It remaineth to show how he is to protect her from things hurtful.
In regard of that protection which an husband oweth his wife, he is called the veile of her eies: which phraſe as it implieth1183 Subiection on the wiues part, ſo alſo Protection on the huſbands: to protect one, is as it were, to couer them, namely, from danger; to be negligent and careleſſe of them, is, as it were, to lay them open to danger. The ſame duty is implied vnder another like phraſe of ſpreading his wing ouer his wife.1184 The metaphor is taken from winged fowles, which to keepe their young ones from hurt, vſe to ſpread their wings ouer them: this phraſe and metaphor is alſo attributed to God, to1185 ſet forth his protection.
In regard of that protection which an husband oweth his wife, he is called the veil of her eyes:1183 which phrase as it implieth subjection on the wives part, so also Protection on the husbands: to protect one, is as it were, to cover them, namely, from danger; to be negligent and careless of them, is, as it were, to lay them open to danger. The same duty is implied under another like phrase of spreading his wing over his wife.1184 The metaphor is taken from winged fowls, which to keep their young ones from hurt, use to spread their wings over them: this phrase and metaphor is also attributed to God, to1185 set forth his protection.
For this end the Lord who ſubiected a woman vnto her husband, gaue to his ſexe greater ſtrength, courage and boldneſſe then to hers, that he might protect her which is the weaker veſſell. In this duty of protection Chriſt ſheweth himſelfe an excellent patterne and preſident vnto husbands.
For this end the Lord who subjected a woman unto her husband, gave to his sex greater strength, courage and boldness then to hers, that he might protect her which is the weaker vessel. In this duty of protection Christ showeth himself an excellent pattern and precedent unto husbands.
The better to performe this dutie, an husband muſt bee carefull,
The better to perform this duty, an husband must be careful,
1. To preuent, as much as he may, ſuch dangers as his wiſe is like to fall into.
1. To prevent, as much as he may, such dangers as his wife is like to fall into.
2. To recouer her out of ſuch as ſhe is fallen into.
2. To recover her out of such as she is fallen into.
According to that danger whereunto wiues are ſubiect, muſt an husbands care of protecting his wife be manifeſted.
According to that danger whereunto wives are subject, must an husbands care of protecting his wife be manifested.
1. If ſhe be in danger to be ſeduced and inticed, as Euah was,1189 by any euill inſtruments of the deuill, as Ieſuits, Prieſts, Friers, profane, blaſphemous, laſciuious, or riotous perſons; his care muſt be either to keepe them away that they come not at her, or to put them away from her ſo ſoone as he can: he may not ſuffer them to harbour in his houſe.
- 1189. A wife muſt be kept from being ſeduced.
1. If she be in danger to be seduced and enticed, as Eve was,1189 by any evil instruments of the devil, as Jesuits, Priests, Friars, profane, blasphemous, lascivious, or riotous persons; his care must be either to keep them away that they come not at her, or to put them away from her so soon as he can: he may not suffer them to harbour in his house.
- 1189. A wife must be kept from being seduced.
2. If by any ſleight ſhe be drawne from his houſe, he muſt1190 ſeeke her, and fetch her againe, as the Leuite did his wife: or cauſe her (if he can) to be brought home againe, as Dauid cauſed Michal to be brought: eſpecially if they be taken away by force, as Ahinoam, and Abigail, Dauids wiues, were.
- 1190. A wiſe ſtolne away muſt be fetched home. Iudg. 19. 2. 2 San. 3. 13, 14. 1 Sam. 30. 18. A wiues credit muſt be maintained.
2. If by any slight she be drawn from his house, he must1190 seek her, and fetch her again, as the Levite did his wife: or cause her (if he can) to be brought home again, as David caused Michal to be brought: especially if they be taken away by force, as Ahinoam, and Abigail, David’s wives, were.
- 1190. A wife stolen away must be fetched home. Judg‸ 19:‸2. 2 Sam 3:‸13, 14. 1 Sam‸ 30:‸18. A wives credit must be maintained.
3. If ſhe be vniuſtly ſlandered, he is to maintaine her credit and reputation as much as his owne: as Chriſt accounteth himſelfe deſpiſed, when his Church is, ſo muſt he. This care muſt he1191 haue of his wiues credit, euen after her death, as well as while ſhe liueth.
- 1191. See Treat. 2. Part 2. §. 31. &c.
3. If she be unjustly slandered, he is to maintain her credit and reputation as much as his own: as Christ accounteth himself despised, when his Church is, so must he. This care must he1191 have of his wives credit, even after her death, as well as while she liveth.
- 1191. See Treat. 2. Part 2. §. 31. etc‸.
4. What other miſchiefe ſo euer is intended or practiſed againſt1192 her, he muſt be a tower of defence to protect her, (as Ahoſhueroſh was to Eſter againſt Haman) and that not only againſt ſtrangers without the houſe, but alſo againſt children and ſeruants in the houſe. Children growne to yeeres, that are ſtout and ſtubborne, will be ready to riſe vp againſt their mother, eſpecially if ſhe be a mother in law, becauſe ſhe is the weaker ſex: the countenance of a father for the moſt part keepeth moſt in awe. Wherefore the husband muſt be an helpe to his wife, and maintaine her honour againſt them: yea though they be children of a former wife.
- 1192. Luke 10. 16. A wife muſt be defended againſt ſtrangers, ſeruants, and children. Eſt. 7. 7, 8. &c.
4. What other mischief so ever is intended or practised against1192 her, he must be a tower of defence to protect her, (as Ahasuerus was to Esther against Haman) and that not only against strangers without the house, but also against children and servants in the house. Children grown to years, that are stout and stubborn, will be ready to rise up against their mother, especially if she be a mother in law, because she is the weaker sex: the countenance of a father for the most part keepeth most in awe. Wherefore the husband must be an help to his wife, and maintain her honour against them: yea though they be children of a former wife.
- 1192. Luke 10:‸16. A wife must be defended against strangers, servants, and children. Esth 7:‸7, 8. etc‸.
§. 59. Of an husbands maintaining his wife againſt children of a former venter, and ſeruants.
§. 59. Of an husbands maintaining his wife against children of a former venter, and servants.
Obiect. Mothers in law often proue vnkinde, and vniuſt ſtepmothers, and deale vnmercifully with their husbands children: muſt an husband in ſuch caſes aſſiſt his wife againſt his children?
Object. Mothers in law often prove unkind, and unjust stepmothers, and deal unmercifully with their husbands children: must an husband in such cases assist his wife against his children?
Anſw. The protection, I ſpeake of, is in caſe a wife be wronged, then her husband is to doe what he can to right her (as we ſpeake.) But if ſhe be the wrong-doer, he may by no meanes boulſter p. 410 her vp againſt his children, and ſo make their wrong the greater. Yet ſo far ought he to reſpect his wife, as by all the faire meanes he can, to labour to pacific her minde, and turne her heart towards them: and if he obſerue her heart to be cleane alienated from them, then to put them forth to be brought vp in ſome other place, and ſo to take away from her the obiect of her diſpleaſure, that he and ſhe may liue more quietly together. For if a man muſt forſake father and mother, he muſt alſo forſake children, and cleaue to his wife. Peace and vnitie betwixt man and wife muſt of all other be kept inuiolable. Though thou caſt away1193 all, nothing can happen more troubleſome to thee then not to haue a quiet wife at home. Thou canſt finde no ſinne more grieuous then to haue contention with a wife.
- 1193. Licèt omnia proijcias, nihil moleſtius continget quàm non habere beneuolam domi vxorem: peccatum nullum magis dolendum inueneris, quàm cum vxore ſeditionem habere. Chryſoſt. hō. 26. in 1. Cor. 11. Geneſ. 16. 6. & 21. 14.
Answ. The protection, I speak of, is in case a wife be wronged, then her husband is to do what he can to right her (as we speak.) But if she be the wrong-doer, he may by no means bolster her up against his children, and so make their wrong the greater. Yet so far ought he to respect his wife, as by all the fair means he can, to labour to pacify her mind, and turn her heart towards them: and if he observe her heart to be clean alienated from them, then to put them forth to be brought up in some other place, and so to take away from her the object of her displeasure, that he and she may live more quietly together. For if a man must forsake father and mother, he must also forsake children, and cleave to his wife. Peace and unity betwixt man and wife must of all other be kept inviolable. Though thou cast away1193 all, nothing can happen more troublesome to thee then not to have a quiet wife at home. Thou canst find no sin more grievous then to have contention with a wife.
- 1193. Licèt omnia proijcias, nihil molestius continget quàm non habere beneuolam domi vxorem: peccatum nullum magis dolendum inueneris, quàm cum vxore seditionem habere. Chrysost. hom. 26. in 1‸ Cor‸ 11. Gen 16:‸6‸‸; 21:‸14.
If a wife muſt be maintained againſt the ſtubbornneſſe of children, much more againſt the inſolencie of ſeruants: for which purpoſe the example of Abraham is recorded, whoſe ſeruant might haue a priuiledge aboue others, becauſe he had made her his bedfellow; yet when ſhe waxed inſolent againſt her miſtreſſe, firſt he put her into her miſtreſſes hand to doe to her as it pleaſed her; and afterwards he caſt her out of his houſe.
If a wife must be maintained against the stubbornness of children, much more against the insolency of servants: for which purpose the example of Abraham is recorded, whose servant might have a privilege above others, because he had made her his bedfellow; yet when she waxed insolent against her mistress, first he put her into her mistresses hand to do to her as it pleased her; and afterwards he cast her out of his house.
§. 60. Of neglecting to maintaine their wiues.
§. 60. Of neglecting to maintain their wives.
Contrary is a diſſolute careleſneſſe of husbands, who care no more to helpe and ſuccour their wiues then any other.
Contrary is a dissolute carelessness of husbands, who care no more to help and succour their wives then any other.
1. Some more feare to offend their wiues then they care to doe1194 them good, and in that reſpect they let any ſort of people come to their wiues that are welcome to them. If Magiſtrates in a Common-wealth ſhall anſwer for ſuffering ſeducers to come into their dominions to deceiue their people, much more ſhall husbands anſwer for ſuffering them to come and deceiue their wiues.
- 1. Becauſe they haue a greater charge ouer their wiues then Magiſtrates ouer their people.
- 2. Becauſe wiues ought to be dearer to husbands then people to Magiſtrates.
- 3. Becauſe they may ſooner eſpie them in their houſe, then Magiſtrates in the Common-wealth.
- 4. Becauſe they may be much more eaſily kept out of an houſe, then out of a Common-wealth, or a Citie.
- 1194. Contrary, Diſſolute careleſneſſe. 1. In ſuffering ſeducers to come to the houſe.
1. Some more fear to offend their wives then they care to do1194 them good, and in that respect they let any sort of people come to their wives that are welcome to them. If Magistrates in a common-wealth shall answer for suffering seducers to come into their dominions to deceive their people, much more shall husbands answer for suffering them to come and deceive their wives.
- Because they have a greater charge over their wives then Magistrates over their people.
- Because wives ought to be dearer to husbands then people to Magistrates.
- Because they may sooner espy them in their house, then Magistrates in the common-wealth.
- Because they may be much more easily kept out of an house, then out of a common-wealth, or a City.
- 1194. Contrary, Dissolute carelessness. 1. In suffering seducers to come to the house.
2. Others care not whither their wiues wander: and if they1195 p. 411 doe goe out of their houſe, they ſhall neuer be ſought after by their1196 husbands: though this may be a iuſt puniſhment on wandring wiues, yet is it not iuſt for husbands ſo to deale with them. If Chriſt our husband ſhould ſo deale with vs, we ſhould ſoone be loſt: for wee oft goe aſtray like wandring ſheepe, but hee is that good ſhepherd, who ſeeketh after the loſt ſheepe vntill he1197 finde it.
2. Others care not whither their wives wander: and if they1195 do go out of their house, they shall never be sought after by their husbands: though this may be a just punishment on wandering wives, yet is it not just for husbands so to deal with them. If Christ our husband should so deal with us, we should soon be lost: for we oft go astray like wandering sheep, but he is that good shepherd, who seeketh after the lost sheep until he1196 find it.
3. No maruell then that many husbands are no more affected1198 with the ill reports and rumors raiſed againſt their wiues, when they ſo little regard who come to them, or whither they goe. Aſſuredly the diſcredit of a wife will turne to the mans diſhonour: for as a vertuous wife is a crowne to her husband, ſo by the1199 rule of contraries, an infamous wife is a ſhame to her husband. If therefore not for his wiues ſake, yet for his owne ſake a man ought not too careleſly paſſe ouer the ill reports which are raiſed againſt his wife.
3. No marvel then that many husbands are no more affected1197 with the ill reports and rumors raised against their wives, when they so little regard who come to them, or whither they go. Assuredly the discredit of a wife will turn to the man’s dishonour: for as a virtuous wife is a crown to her husband,1198 so by the rule of contraries, an infamous wife is a shame to her husband. If therefore not for his wives sake, yet for his own sake a man ought not too carelessly pass over the ill reports which are raised against his wife.
4. There be ſuch vnkinde husbands as are moued with no ill1200 vſage done vnto their wiues, nor will heare any complaint that they make vnto them: yea if they ſee them miſuſed, they will either not ſeeme to ſee it, or but ſmile at it, and ſo goe their way, and ſuffer their wiues to right themſelues as well as they can. As this beſeemeth not any Chriſtian to ſuffer his neighbour to be wronged, (for it is noted as a commendable matter in Moſes, that1201 when he ſaw two Hebrewes ſtriuing together, he tooke his part that had wrong done to him, and reproued the other) ſo much leſſe an husband, to whoſe ſafe-guard his wife is committed. Nature teacheth vs that the head is as much affected with a wrong done to the bodie, as to it ſelfe: ſo ought an husband.1202
4. There be such unkind husbands as are moved with no ill1199 usage done unto their wives, nor will hear any complaint that they make unto them: yea if they see them misused, they will either not seem to see it, or but smile at it, and so go their way, and suffer their wives to right themselves as well as they can. As this beseemeth not any Christian to suffer his neighbour to be wronged, (for it is noted as a commendable matter in Moses, that1200 when he saw two Hebrews striving together, he took his part that had wrong done to him, and reproved the other) so much less an husband, to whose safe-guard his wife is committed. Nature teacheth us that the head is as much affected with a wrong done to the body, as to it self: so ought an husband.1201
5. As the wrong which is done by thoſe who are in ſubiection in the houſe vnder the wife, is greater then that which is done by strangers: ſo is the husbands fault the greater in ſuffering it: for he hath more power ouer them in his houſe, then ouer others.1203 What then may we thinke of ſuch, as either by their conniuence, or by taking part againſt their wiues, ſuffer both children and ſeruants to inſult ouer them? Aſſuredly thoſe husbands themſelues will finde ſome ſmacke of the bitter and euill fruit thereof: and that not only by that great diſcontent which their wiues muſt needs take thereat; but alſo by that contempt which will follow p. 412 on their owne perſons, both by their wiues (who cannot thinke them meet heads to gouerne others) but alſo by their children and ſeruants, who thereby will take occaſion to waxe proud, and preſumptuous againſt him. By deſpiſing the weaker, men grow by little and little to deſpiſe the ſtronger. This men of wiſdome and experience well know: whereupon in Common-wealths and Policies gouerned by wiſe men, the authoritie of inferiour Magiſtrates is vpheld and maintained: ſuperiour Magiſtrates will not ſuffer them who are in authoritie vnder them to be deſpiſed: for it is well knowne, that it tends not to the honour and eaſe only, but to the ſafetie alſo of the ſupreme Magiſtrate, to haue the power and authoritie of inferiour Magiſtrates reſpected, and not trampled vnder feet. It argueth therefore both want of affection, and of diſcretion and vnderſtanding in husbands, to ſuffer childe, ſeruant, or any other in the houſe, to inſult ouer their wiues, who are ioynt gouernours with them ouer the houſe.
- 1203. Si illam quae ſecundum poſt te locum obtinet contumelia afficis, non parum tui principatus honori derogas. Chryſ. loc. cit.
5. As the wrong which is done by those who are in subjection in the house under the wife, is greater then that which is done by strangers: so is the husbands fault the greater in suffering it: for he hath more power over them in his house, then over others.1202 What then may we think of such, as either by their connivence, or by taking part against their wives, suffer both children and servants to insult over them? Assuredly those husbands themselves will find some smack of the bitter and evil fruit thereof: and that not only by that great discontent which their wives must needs take thereat; but also by that contempt which will follow on their own persons, both by their wives (who cannot think them meet heads to govern others) and also by their children and servants, who thereby will take occasion to wax proud, and presumptuous against him. By despising the weaker, men grow by little and little to despise the stronger. This men of wisdom and experience well know: whereupon in common-wealths and Policies governed by wise men, the authority of inferior Magistrates is upheld and maintained: superior Magistrates will not suffer them who are in authority under them to be despised: for it is well known, that it tends not to the honour and ease only, but to the safety also of the supreme Magistrate, to have the power and authority of inferior Magistrates respected, and not trampled under feet. It argueth therefore both want of affection, and of discretion and understanding in husbands, to suffer child, servant, or any other in the house, to insult over their wives, who are joint governors with them over the house.
- 1202. Si illam quae secundum post te locum obtinet contumelia afficis, non parum tui principatus honori derogas. Chrys. loc. cit.
A Husband’s Sincere and Steady Love for His Wife
A Husband’s Sincere and Steady Love for His Wife
§. 61. Of an husbands firſt beginning to loue his wife.
§. 61. Of an husbands first beginning to love his wife.
The generall matter together with the particular kindes of husbands duties being thus farre handled, The manner alſo of performing them is to be deliuered.
The general matter together with the particular kinds of husbands duties being thus far handled, the manner also of performing them is to be delivered.
To inſtruct an husband in the manner of performing his duties to his wife, the Apoſtle laieth downe two patternes, 1. Chriſt, verſ. 25.
2. Our ſelues, verſ. 28.
To instruct an husband in the manner of performing his duties to his wife, the Apostle layeth down two patterns‸
- ‸‸ Christ, v. 25.
- ‸‸ Our selves, v. 28.
As Chriſt loueth his Church, and as we loue our ſelues, ſo muſt men loue their wiues.
As Christ loveth his Church, and as we love our selves, so must men love their wives.
The loue of Chriſt to his Church is commended vnto vs in ſix ſeuerall points: which are
The love of Christ to his Church is commended unto us in six several points: which are
1. The order 4. The qualitie thereof.
2. The truth 5. The quantitie
3. The cauſe 6. The continuance
‸‸ the order ‸‸ , the truth ‸‸ , the cause ‸‸ , the quality ‸‸ , the quantity ‸‸ , and the continuance thereof.
I. For the Order, Chriſt began to loue his Church: he mafeſted his loue to her before ſhe loued him: as the aire heated by the Sunne is hote, and a wall on which the Sun-beames p. 413 ſmite, giueth a reflexion of heat backe againe: ſo the Church, as it were heated and warmed at heart by the ſence of Chriſts loue, loued him, as the Apoſtle expreſly noteth, (We loue him1205 becauſe he loued vs firſt:) and the Church her ſelfe acknowledgeth ſaying, Becauſe of the ſauour of thy good ointments1206 (wherewith we are reuiued, and cheered) the virgins loue thee.
I. For the Order, Christ began to love his Church: he manifested his love to her before she loved him: as the air heated by the Sun is hot, and a wall on which the Sun-beams smite, giveth a reflexion of heat back again: so the Church, as it were heated and warmed at heart by the sense of Christ’s love, loved him, as the Apostle expressly noteth, (We love him1204 because he loved us first:) and the Church her self acknowledgeth saying, Because of the savour of thy good ointments1205 (wherewith we are revived, and cheered) the virgins love thee.
There is in vs by nature no ſparke of loue at all: if Chriſt1207 by his louing of vs firſt, did not inſtill loue into vs, we could no more loue him then a liuing bird riſe out of a cold egge, if it were not kept warme by the dammes ſitting vpon it.
- 1207. Husbands muſt by their loue prouoke their wiues to loue. Pro. 2. 17. אלוף [moved in the edition]
There is in us by nature no spark of love at all:1206 if Christ by his loving of us first, did not instill love into us, we could no more love him then a living bird rise out of a cold egg, if it were not kept warm by the dams sitting upon it.
- 1206. Husbands must by their love provoke their wives to love. Prov 2:‸17. אלוף [moved here by the editor]
Thus muſt an husband firſt begin to loue his wife. His place of eminencie, and authority requireth, that he ſhould be to his wife, a guide, which title is expreſly giuen to him by the holy1208 Ghoſt, to teach him to goe before her, and by his example to inſtruct, and incite her to doe her dutie. What a ſhame would it be for a man who is the Image and glory of God, the head of his wife, in the ſame place to her that Chriſt is to his Church, to be prouoked by his wiues wiue-like carriage (ſhe being the weaker veſſell, vnder him, to learne of him) to loue her?1209 Reaſons there be to ſtirre vp a wife to indeauour to preuent her husband in doing her dutie, which if ſhe doe, it is the greater glory to her; but this patterne of Chriſt ſhould ſtirre him much more to ſtriue to goe before her.
Thus must an husband first begin to love his wife. His place of eminency, and authority requireth, that he should be to his wife, a guide, which title is expressly given to him by the holy1207 Ghost, to teach him to go before her, and by his example to instruct, and incite her to do her duty. What a shame would it be for a man who is the Image and glory of God, the head of his wife, in the same place to her that Christ is to his Church, to be provoked by his wives wive-like carriage (she being the weaker vessel, under him, to learn of him) to love her?1208 Reasons there be to stir up a wife to endeavour to prevent her husband in doing her duty, which if she do, it is the greater glory to her; but this pattern of Christ should stir him much more to strive to go before her.
§. 62. Of husbands repaying vnkindneſſe for loue.
§. 62. Of husbands repaying unkindness for love.
Contrary, is their diſpoſition, who hauing louing and dutifull wiues, are notwithſtanding nothing moued to loue them againe: but are as vnkinde and churliſh as if they had the moſt peeuiſh, and peruerſe wiues that could be. But what ſhall we ſay of ſuch as loue their wiues the leſſe, yea and hate them for their forwardneſſe to loue, and (in teſtimony of true loue) to performe all good dutie? What, but that they are very deuils incarnate? For it is the deuils property to ouercome good with cuill. Theſe make the doctrine of a wiues ſubiection to ſeeme harſh, and a carefull performance thereof, an heauy burden. Neuer ſhall they partake of Chriſts loue, that in their place shew themſelues ſo vnlike to Chriſt.
Contrary, is their disposition, who having loving and dutiful wives, are notwithstanding nothing moved to love them again: but are as unkind and churlish as if they had the most peevish, and perverse wives that could be. But what shall we say of such as love their wives the less, yea and hate them for their forwardness to love, and (in testimony of true love) to perform all good duty? What, but that they are very devils incarnate? For it is the devils property to overcome good with evil. These make the doctrine of a wives subjection to seem harsh, and a careful performance thereof, an heavy burden. Never shall they partake of Christ’s love, that in their place show themselves so unlike to Christ.
II. The truth of Chriſts loue was manifeſted by the fruits thereof to his Church: He gaue himſelfe for it. It was therefore not in word only, no nor only in heart, but in deed alſo. Thus his loue proued profitable, and beneficiall to his Church, which thereby was clenſed, and made a glorious1211 Church. Had he only borne a tender compaſſion and pittifull affection towards it, or laboured only with comfortable and ſweet words to vphold and ſuccour it, it had ſtill laine polluted with ſinne, in the power of the deuill, and vnder Gods wrath, and ſo receiued no profit and benefit at all.
II. The truth of Christ’s love was manifested by the fruits thereof to his Church: He gave himself for it. It was therefore not in word only, no nor only in heart, but in deed also. Thus his love proved profitable, and beneficial to his Church, which thereby was cleansed, and made a glorious1210 Church. Had he only borne a tender compassion and pitiful affection towards it, or laboured only with comfortable and sweet words to uphold and succour it, it had still lain polluted with sin, in the power of the devil, and under God’s wrath, and so received no profit and benefit at all.
So muſt husbands loue their wiues in truth and in deed.12121213 Such a loue is required of a man to his brother: much more therefore to his wife, who is not only a ſiſter (as1214 the Apoſtle expreſly ſtileth her) but neerer then ſiſter, mother, daughter, friend, or any other whatſoeuer. This therefore ſerueth to preſſe the practiſe of all the forenamed duties appertaining to an husband.
So must husbands love their wives in truth and in deed.12111212 Such a love is required of a man to his brother: much more therefore to his wife, who is not only a sister (as1213 the Apostle expressly styleth her) but nearer then sister, mother, daughter, friend, or any other whatsoever. This therefore serveth to press the practise of all the forenamed duties appertaining to an husband.
§. 64. Of husbands diſſimulation.
§. 64. Of husbands dissimulation.
Contrary is their diſſimulation and hypocriſie, who make great ſhew of much loue, and pretence of earneſt affection, vſing many outward complements, but faile when they come to the trueſt triall, the deed. Some like ſuters or wooers, will promiſe mountaines, but not performe moul-hills: others will coll and kiſſe their wiues much, but truſt them with nothing, nor prouide for them things requiſite: there be that will weepe much when their wiues are ſicke, yet not afford phyſicke and ſuch like things for their recouery: yea many will carrie a faire face all their life long towards their wiues, and at their death leaue them nothing to liue by.
Contrary is their dissimulation and hypocrisy, who make great show of much love, and pretence of earnest affection, using many outward complements, but fail when they come to the truest trial, the deed. Some like suitors or wooers, will promise mountains, but not perform mole-hills: others will coll and kiss their wives much, but trust them with nothing, nor provide for them things requisite: there be that will weep much when their wives are sick, yet not afford physic and such like things for their recovery: yea many will carry a fair face all their life long towards their wives, and at their death leave them nothing to live by.
Hence it is that many who by others are accounted to be very kinde husbands, are by their wiues found to be farre otherwiſe. If triall be made of husbands loue by their practiſe and performance of the forenamed duties, it will be found that they for the moſt part come as farre ſhort in loue, as wiues in ſubiection.
Hence it is that many who by others are accounted to be very kind husbands, are by their wives found to be far otherwise. If trial be made of husbands love by their practise and performance of the forenamed duties, it will be found that they for the most part come as far short in love, as wives in subjection.
§. 65. Of the freeneſſe of husbands loue.
§. 65. Of the freeness of husbands love.
III. The cauſe of Chriſts loue, was his loue, as Moſes noteth,1215 He ſet his loue on you, becauſe he loued you. His loue aroſe only, and wholly from himſelfe, and was euery way free: as there was nothing in the Church, before Chriſt loued her to moue him to loue her, ſo can there be nothing that he could hope for afterwards, but what himſelfe beſtowed. Indeed he delighteth in that righteouſneſſe wherewith, as with a glorious robe, ſhe is clothed; and with thoſe heauenly graces, wherewith as with pretious Iewels ſhe is decked: but that righteouſneſſe, and thoſe graces are his owne, and of his free gift, He preſents it to himſelfe a glorious Church.1216
III. The cause of Christ’s love, was his love, as Moses noteth,1214 He set his love on you, because he loved you. His love arose only, and wholly from himself, and was every way free: as there was nothing in the Church, before Christ loved her to move him to love her, so can there be nothing that he could hope for afterwards, but what himself bestowed. Indeed he delighteth in that righteousness wherewith, as with a glorious robe, she is clothed; and with those heavenly graces, wherewith as with precious Jewels she is decked: but that righteousness, and those graces are his own, and of his free gift, He presents it to himself a glorious Church.1215
In imitation hereof husbands ſhould loue their wiues, though there were nothing in wiues to moue them ſo to doe, but only that they are their wiues: yea though no future benefit could after be expected from them: true loue hath reſpect to the obiect which is loued, and the good it may doe thereunto, rather then to the ſubiect which loueth, and the good that it may receiue. For loue ſeeketh not her owne.1217
- 1217. 1 Cor. 13. 5.
In imitation hereof husbands should love their wives, though there were nothing in wives to move them so to do, but only that they are their wives: yea though no future benefit could after be expected from them: true love hath respect to the object which is loved, and the good it may do thereunto, rather then to the subject which loveth, and the good that it may receive. For love seeketh not her own.1216
- 1216. 1 Cor‸ 13:‸5.
Chriſts loue in this branch thereof ſhould further moue husbands to doe what lieth in their power, to make their wiues worthy of loue: thus will it be in truth ſaid, that they dwell with their wiues according to knowledge: and thus will their1218 loue appeare to be as Chriſts loue, free.
- 1218. 1 Pet. 3. 7. [moved in the edition]
Christ’s love in this branch thereof should further move husbands to do what lieth in their power, to make their wives worthy of love: thus will it be in truth said, that they dwell with their wives according to knowledge:1217 and thus will their love appear to be as Christ’s love, free.
- 1217. 1 Pet‸ 3:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
§. 66. Of husbands louing for aduantage.
§. 66. Of husbands loving for advantage.
Contrary is their loue which is only for their owne content and aduantage. Many can loue no further then they may haue some bait to allure their affections, as beauty, wealth, honour, or the like by-reſpects; or at leaſt hope of ſome inheritance or portion aboue that which they haue, or of ſome fauour that they expect from their wiues friends. This cannot be a true ſound loue: ſuch a man may be thought to loue his wiues beautie, inheritance, and friends rather then his wife. This loue cannot laſt.
Contrary is their love which is only for their own content and advantage. Many can love no further then they may have some bait to allure their affections, as beauty, wealth, honour, or the like by-respects; or at least hope of some inheritance or portion above that which they have, or of some favour that they expect from their wives friends. This cannot be a true sound love: such a man may be thought to love his wives beauty, inheritance, and friends rather then his wife. This love cannot last.
§. 67. Of the puritie of husbands loue.
§. 67. Of the purity of husbands love.
IIII. Chriſts loue for the qualitie is an holy, pure, chaſte,1219 loue: as he himſelfe is, ſo is his loue, as is euident by the effect thereof: for it moued him to ſanctifie and clenſe his p. 416 Church, to make it a glorious Church without ſpot: he did therefore no way pollute or defile his Spouſe: and that his loue might the better appeare to be chaſte loue, caſt only vpon one Spouſe and not many, he vnited all his Saints together by the1220 bond of his Spirit, and made them all one body.
IIII. Christ’s love for the quality is an holy, pure, chaste,1218 love: as he himself is, so is his love, as is evident by the effect thereof: for it moved him to sanctify and cleanse his Church, to make it a glorious Church without spot: he did therefore no way pollute or defile his Spouse: and that his love might the better appear to be chaste love, cast only upon one Spouse and not many, he united all his Saints together by the1219 bond of his Spirit, and made them all one body.
Hereby husbands muſt learne ſo to be affected towards1221 their wiues as may ſtand with holineſſe, and chaſtitie: though much loue be required, yet it may not ouer-flowe thoſe banks. Mariage is honourable and a bed vndefiled. It muſt therefore be vſed as an vndefiled thing. This indeed appertaineth to the wife as well as to the husband. But becauſe he is the head, and guide of his wife, and ought to be as a patterne and preſident before her, as Chriſt is before him, therefore is it more ſpecially applied to him. The puritie of an husbands loue here ſpoken of, hath a double vſe,
- 1221. Husbands loue muſt be chaſte. Heb. 13. 4.
Hereby husbands must learn so to be affected towards1220 their wives as may stand with holiness, and chastity: though much love be required, yet it may not over-flow those banks. Marriage is honourable and a bed undefiled. It must therefore be used as an undefiled thing. This indeed appertaineth to the wife as well as to the husband. But because he is the head, and guide of his wife, and ought to be as a pattern and precedent before her, as Christ is before him, therefore is it more specially applied to him. The purity of an husbands love here spoken of, hath a double use,
- 1220. Husbands love must be chaste. Heb‸ 13:‸4.
1. It reſtraineth an husbands loue to his owne wife. There is a generall Chriſtian loue whereby all occaſions of doing good are taken, with which an husband may, and ought to loue others: and a particular matrimoniall loue, whereby he is moued to preferre his wife before all, and to haue his heart ſet and fixed on her, and ſo proper and peculiar to her.
1. It restraineth an husbands love to his own wife. There is a general Christian love whereby all occasions of doing good are taken, with which an husband may, and ought to love others: and a particular matrimonial love, whereby he is moved to prefer his wife before all, and to have his heart set and fixed on her, and so proper and peculiar to her.
2. It orders and moderates his loue, ſo as it turneth not into ſinfull luſt, whereby that eſtate, (which in it ſelfe by vertue of Gods ordinance, is holy) is polluted.
2. It orders and moderates his love, so as it turneth not into sinful lust, whereby that estate, (which in it self by virtue of God’s ordinance, is holy) is polluted.
§. 68. Of husbands lightneſſe.
§. 68. Of husbands lightness.
Contrary, is not only adulterie, whereof we haue ſpoken1222 before, but alſo wantonneſſe, lightneſſe, and vncleanneſſe with his wife. For many intemperate and vnchaſte husbands, giuing the raines to their headſtrong luſts, manifeſt as much vnſeemlineſſe and plaine filthineſſe in their words, geſtures, and actions (to ſay nothing of their thoughts which are not ſeene) to their wiues, as other doe to ſtrumpets and harlots which is a moſt ſhameleſſe thing, and I am euen aſhamed to mention: but becauſe it is mentioned, let ſuch know, that they ſhall be accounted among ſuch whoremongers and adulterers1223 as God will iudge.
Contrary, is not only adultery, whereof we have spoken1221 before, but also wantonness, lightness, and uncleanness with his wife. For many intemperate and unchaste husbands, giving the reins to their headstrong lusts, manifest as much unseemliness and plain filthiness in their words, gestures, and actions (to say nothing of their thoughts which are not seen) to their wives, as other do to strumpets and harlots which is a most shameless thing, and I am even ashamed to mention: but because it is mentioned, let such know, that they shall be accounted among such whoremongers and adulterers1222 as God will judge.
§. 69. Of husbands louing their wiues more then themſelues.
§. 69. Of husbands loving their wives more then themselves.
The quantity of Chriſts loue cannot be expreſſed: for the1224 meaſure of it was aboue meaſure.1225 He gaue himſelfe for his Church, and in that reſpect he calleth himſelfe that1226 Good ſheepheard that gaue his life for his ſheepe.1227 Greater loue then this hath no man. What will not he doe for his ſpouſe, that gaue his life for her?
The quantity of Christ’s love cannot be expressed: for the1223 measure of it was above measure. He gave himself1224 for his Church, and in that respect he calleth himself that Good shepherd that gave his life for his sheep.1225 Greater love then this hath no man.1226 What will not he do for his spouse, that gave his life for her?
This may ſeeme to be too high a ſtraine, and pitch of loue for an husband to attaine vnto: a matter wherein he is to1228 leaue his patterne, and not to follow Chriſt: but yet S. Iohn addeth euen this extent to the loue of our brethren: We ought ſaith he) to lay downe our liues for the brethren: therefore by muſt conſequence for our wiues. But that this extent be not ſtretched too farre, and husbands caſt into a pit of needleſſe perill, two cautions muſt be noted,
- 1228. How huſbands muſt loue their wiues more then themſelues. 1 Iohn. 3. 16. [moved in the edition]
This may seem to be too high a strain, and pitch of love for an husband to attain unto:1227 a matter wherein he is to leave his pattern, and not to follow Christ: but yet S. John addeth even this extent to the love of our brethren: We ought (‸saith he) to lay down our lives for the brethren: therefore by just consequence for our wives. But that this extent be not stretched too far, and husbands cast into a pit of needless peril, two cautions must be noted,
- 1227. How husbands must love their wives more then themselves. 1 John‸ 3:‸16. [moved here by the editor]
1. That there be an abſolute neceſſity, to bring vs to this1229 straite of parting with our life: which is, when the good we aime at in the behalfe of our wiues cannot any other way be effected, but by venturing our life. There was no other way to redeeme the Church, but by the bloud of Chriſt.
- 1229. Cautions about an huſbands louing his wife more then himſelfe.
1. That there be an absolute necessity, to bring us to this1228 strait of parting with our life: which is, when the good we aim at in the behalf of our wives cannot any other way be effected, but by venturing our life. There was no other way to redeem the Church, but by the blood of Christ.
- 1228. Cautions about an husbands loving his wife more then himself.
2. That the good we intend in this caſe to our wiues be of greater valew then our temporall life: as is the good of her rule, the ſauing of it. Thus the Apoſtle ſaith, I will moſt gladly beſtowed for your ſoules. Which minde men muſt much more1230 carie towards their wiues. It was for our ſaluation that Chriſt gaue himſelfe.
- 1230. 2 Cor. 12. 15. [moved in the edition]
2. That the good we intend in this case to our wives be of greater value then our temporal life: as is the good of her soul, the saving of it. Thus the Apostle saith, I will most gladly bestow, and be bestowed for your souls.1229 Which mind men must much more carry towards their wives. It was for our salvation that Christ gave himself.
- 1229. 2 Cor‸ 12:‸15. [moved here by the editor]
§. 70. Of husbands vnkindneſſe.
§. 70. Of husbands unkindness.
Contrary is their vnkindneſſe that preferre euery trifle of their owne before the good of their wiues: their profit, their pleaſure, their promotion, cleane draw away their hearts and affections from their wiues. If any extraordinary charge muſt be laid out, or pains taken for their wiues good, little loue will then appeare: whereby it appeares that there was no true and ſound loue ſetled in their hearts towards their wiues. As gold and other like mettals are tryed by the fire, ſo loue by afflictions and croſſes.
Contrary is their unkindness that prefer every trifle of their own before the good of their wives: their profit, their pleasure, their promotion, clean draw away their hearts and affections from their wives. If any extraordinary charge must be laid out, or pains taken for their wives good, little love will then appear: whereby it appears that there was no true and sound love settled in their hearts towards their wives. As gold and other like metals are tried by the fire, so love by afflictions and crosses.
§. 71. Of combats in pretence of wiues honour.
§. 71. Of combats in pretence of wives honour.
Contrary in another extreme is the ouer-bold and ouer-heady p. 418 pretended manhood of ſuch husbands as vpon euery iealous ſurmize and ſleight report, are ready to make challenges of fight, and to enter into ſingle combats and duels, on pretence of maintaining their wiues honour. This being no warrantable courſe of righting a wrong, no honour can redound to the wife thereby, but much diſhonour and danger to the husband. If he preuaile ouer his aduerſarie and kill, he is made guilty of murther thereby, and ſo reproach and ſhame muſt needs come to himſelfe, wife, and whole family: if he be ouercome and ſlaine, ſhe may be reputed more guilty then ſhe was before. And oft it falleth out that God in iuſt iudgement giueth ouer the challenger into his aduerſaries hand, becauſe he hath vndertaken ſo indirect a courſe.
Contrary in another extreme is the over-bold and over-heady pretended manhood of such husbands as upon every jealous surmise and slight report, are ready to make challenges of fight, and to enter into single combats and duels, on pretence of maintaining their wives honour. This being no warrantable course of righting a wrong, no honour can redound to the wife thereby, but much dishonour and danger to the husband. If he prevail over his adversary and kill, he is made guilty of murder thereby, and so reproach and shame must needs come to himself, wife, and whole family: if he be overcome and slain, she may be reputed more guilty then she was before. And oft it falleth out that God in just judgment giveth over the challenger into his adversaries hand, because he hath undertaken so indirect a course.
VI. The continuance of Chriſts loue was without date:1232 Hauing loued his owne, he loued them vnto the end. His loue was conſtant (not by fits, now louing, then hating) and1233 euerlaſting (neuer repenting thereof, neuer changing or altering his minde) no prouocations, no tranſgreſſions could euer make him forget to loue, and ceaſe to doe that good which he intended for his Church: note what he ſaid to her euen when ſhe reuoulted from him, Thou haſt played the harlot with many1234 louers, yet returne againe to me: and againe, My mercy ſhall not depart away.
VI.1231 The continuance of Christ’s love was without date: Having loved his own, he loved them unto the end.1232 His love was constant (not by fits, now loving, then hating) and everlasting1233 (never repenting thereof, never changing or altering his mind) no provocations, no transgressions could ever make him forget to love, and cease to do that good which he intended for his Church: note what he said to her even when she revolted from him, Thou hast played the harlot with many1234 lovers, yet return again to me: and again, My mercy shall not depart away.
For his loue reſteth not on the deſert of his Church, but on the vnchangeableneſſe of his owne will. As this manifeſted Chriſts loue to be true ſound loue, ſo it made it profitable and beneficiall to the Church, which, notwithſtanding her many frailties, by virtue hereof is glorified.
For his love resteth not on the desert of his Church, but on the unchangeableness of his own will. As this manifested Christ’s love to be true sound love, so it made it profitable and beneficial to the Church, which, notwithstanding her many frailties, by virtue hereof is glorified.
This laſt branch muſt be added to all the former branches1235 of an husbands loue, or elſe they will be all in vaine and to no purpoſe. This giueth the trueſt tryall of ſound loue. Such was the loue betwixt Dauid and Ionathan: the ſoundeſt loue that euer was, betwixt partie and partie. This bringeth the greateſt glory to the partie which loueth: and the greateſt benefit to the partie which is loued. That a mans loue may thus remaine firme and inuiolable,
- 1235. Husbands muſt be conſtant in their loue.
This last branch must be added to all the former branches1235 of an husbands love, or else they will be all in vain and to no purpose. This giveth the truest trial of sound love. Such was the love betwixt David and Jonathan: the soundest love that ever was, betwixt party and party. This bringeth the greatest glory to the party which loveth: and the greatest benefit to the party which is loved. That a man’s love may thus remain firm and inviolable,
- 1235. Husbands must be constant in their love.
1. He muſt be ſure to lay a good foundation; he muſt p. 419 ground his loue on Gods ordinance: and loue his wife in regard of the matrimoniall bond which knitteth them together, and that neere vnion which thence ariſeth; and ſo it will laſt ſo long as that knot laſteth.
1. He must be sure to lay a good foundation; he must ground his love on God’s ordinance: and love his wife in regard of the matrimonial bond which knitteth them together, and that near union which thence ariseth; and so it will last so long as that knot lasteth.
2. He muſt further ſupport and ſtrengthen it with an inuiolable reſolution to be changed and altered with no prouocation, but rather to paſſe by all infirmities; indeauouring in loue to redreſſe them if poſſibly he can: if not, to beare with them.
2. He must further support and strengthen it with an inviolable resolution to be changed and altered with no provocation, but rather to pass by all infirmities; endeavouring in love to redress them if possibly he can: if not, to bear with them.
§. 73. Of husbands variableneſſe.
§. 73. Of husbands variableness.
Contrary is their variableneſſe, whoſe loue is ready to turne as a weather cocke with euery blaſt of a contrary winde: now tender-hearted, then againe hard-hearted: now ſmiling, then lowring: now giuing this and that fauour, then denying euery thing, euen ſuch things as are needfull.
Contrary is their variableness, whose love is ready to turn as a weather cock with every blast of a contrary wind: now tender-hearted, then again hard-hearted: now smiling, then louring: now giving this and that favour, then denying every thing, even such things as are needful.
Many whoſe loue was as hot as fire while their wiues were young, or their friends liued, or while they pleaſed them, when thoſe occaſions are taken away, proue in their loue as cold as ice.
Many whose love was as hot as fire while their wives were young, or their friends lived, or while they pleased them, when those occasions are taken away, prove in their love as cold as ice.
Againe others by ſome continuance in doing good to their wiues, thinke it a burden: and waxing weary cleane leaue off their former good courſe; which plainly ſheweth that they neuer truly and intirely loued their wiues.
Again others by some continuance in doing good to their wives, think it a burden: and waxing weary clean leave off their former good course; which plainly showeth that they never truly and entirely loved their wives.
By this patterne of Chriſt here propounded to husbands, we haue on the one ſide a good direction to teach vs how to loue our wiues, as hath beene particularly declared; and on the other ſide, matter of humiliation, in that it ſheweth vs how farre ſhort we come of our bounden duty. Howſoeuer, wiues may moſt complaine of their burden, becauſe it is a Subiection whereunto by nature we are all loath to yeeld: yet I am ſure1236 the heauieſt burden is laid vpon the husbands ſhoulders: and much more eaſie it is to performe the part of a good wife, then a good husband.
- 1236. See Treat. 1. §. 10.
By this pattern of Christ here propounded to husbands, we have on the one side a good direction to teach us how to love our wives, as hath been particularly declared; and on the other side, matter of humiliation, in that it showeth us how far short we come of our bounden duty. Howsoever, wives may most complain of their burden, because it is a subjection whereunto by nature we are all loath to yield: yet I am sure1236 the heaviest burden is laid upon the husbands shoulders: and much more easy it is to perform the part of a good wife, then a good husband.
- 1236. See Treat. 1. §. 10.
§. 74. Of husbands louing their wiues1237 as themſelues.
§. 74. Of husbands loving their wives as themselves.*
To the example of Chriſt the Apoſtle annexeth the patterne of ones ſelfe, in theſe words: So ought men to loue their1238 wiues as their owne bodies.
Queſt. Is not the former patterne ſufficient? Is this latter more excellent, or more perfect?
Quest. Is not the former pattern sufficient? Is this latter more excellent, or more perfect?
Anſw. Chriſts example is a full, compleat, perfect, and1239 euery way ſufficient patterne; farre more excellent then this of a mans ſelfe: this is not annexed to adde any thing to that, or in regard of the excellency hereof, but only in regard of our dulneſſe, to make the point ſomewhat more plaine and perſpicuous.1240 For this patterne is more ſenſible and better diſcerned. Euery one knoweth how he loueth his owne body: but few or none know how Chriſt loueth his Church. Beſides,1241 that example of Chriſt may ſeeme too high and excellent for any to attaine vnto, euen inimitable; therefore to ſhew that he requireth no more then a man may performe, if he will ſet himſelfe with care and conſcience to doe his duty, he addeth the patterne of ones ſelfe; that which one doth to his body, if he will, he may doe to his wife.
Answ. Christ’s example is a full, complete, perfect, and1239 every way sufficient pattern; far more excellent then this of a man’s self: this is not annexed to add any thing to that, or in regard of the excellency hereof, but only in regard of our dulness, to make the point somewhat more plain and perspicuous.1240 For this pattern is more sensible and better discerned. Every one knoweth how he loveth his own body: but few or none know how Christ loveth his Church. Besides,1241 that example of Christ may seem too high and excellent for any to attain unto, even inimitable; therefore to show that he requireth no more then a man may perform, if he will set himself with care and conscience to do his duty, he addeth the pattern of ones self; that which one doth to his body, if he will, he may do to his wife.
No direction can be taken from this latter patterne, but1242 might be referred to the former, as moſt of the former (though in a farre meaner manner) may be referred to the latter. For the loue which a man beareth to himſelfe is true, and intire without all diſſimulation: the moſt diſſembling wretch in the world (who in his dealings with other men doth nothing vprightly) nor will nor can diſſemble with himſelfe; though other men ſhall neuer know the depth of his heart, yet the ſpirit1243 which is in him, euen himſelfe, knoweth it: ſo as this patterne alſo preſſeth truth and ſincerity on husbands in their affection towards their wiues: of all other they may not diſſemble and deale doubly with them; but let them know the intireneſſe of their affection towards them: and ſee they neither faune on them, nor flatter them. They which pretend great loue to their wiues in ſhew only, offend againſt nature it ſelfe. As the foreſaid loue of a mans owne ſelfe is for manner intire and true, ſo alſo free not forced: and for meaſure as great as poſſibly it can be, and for continuance, conſtant, and ſo like to Chriſt loue. But there are two points eſpecially to be conſidered in the loue of ones ſelfe which aboue others are moſt ſenſibly diſcerned1244 in this patterne. 1. Tenderneſſe. 2. Cheerefulneſſe.
No direction can be taken from this latter pattern, but1242 might be referred to the former, as most of the former (though in a far meaner manner) may be referred to the latter. For the love which a man beareth to himself is true, and entire without all dissimulation: the most dissembling wretch in the world (who in his dealings with other men doth nothing uprightly) nor will nor can dissemble with himself; though other men shall never know the depth of his heart, yet the spirit1243 which is in him, even himself, knoweth it: so as this pattern also presseth truth and sincerity on husbands in their affection towards their wives: of all other they may not dissemble and deal doubly with them; but let them know the entireness of their affection towards them: and see they neither fawn on them, nor flatter them. They which pretend great love to their wives in show only, offend against nature it self. As the foresaid love of a man’s own self is for manner entire and true, so also free not forced: and for measure as great as possibly it can be, and for continuance, constant, and so like to Christ’s love. But there are two points especially to be considered in the love of ones self which above others are most sensibly discerned1244 in this pattern. 1. Tenderness. 2. Cheerfulness.
No other man will or can ſo tenderly handle a mans hand p. 421 arme, legge or any other part of his body, as himſelfe: he is very ſenſible of his owne ſmart.
No other man will or can so tenderly handle a man’s hand arm, leg or any other part of his body, as himself: he is very sensible of his own smart.
The metaphors which the Apoſtle vſeth in theſe words, He nouriſheth and cheriſheth it, doe liuely ſet forth this tenderneſſe:1245 for they are taken from fowles and birds which very charily, and tenderly houer ouer their young ones, couering them all ouer with their wings and feathers, but ſo bearing vp their bodies as no weight lieth vpon them.
- 1245. Eph. 5. 29. [moved in the edition]
The metaphors which the Apostle useth in these words, He nourisheth and cherisheth it,1245 do lively set forth this tenderness: for they are taken from fowls and birds which very charily, and tenderly hover over their young ones, covering them all over with their wings and feathers, but so bearing up their bodies as no weight lieth upon them.
- 1245. Eph‸ 5:‸29. [moved here by the editor]
Thus ought husbands with all tenderneſſe, and mildneſſe1246 to deale with their wiues, as we haue before noted in many particulars: only this example of a mans ſelfe I thought good to ſet before husbands, as a liuely patterne wherein they might behold a preſident without exception, going before them, and whereby they might receiue excellent direction for the better performing of the particulars before noted.
- 1246. Husbands muſt deale tenderly with their wiues.
Thus ought husbands with all tenderness, and mildness1246 to deal with their wives, as we have before noted in many particulars: only this example of a man’s self I thought good to set before husbands, as a lively pattern wherein they might behold a precedent without exception, going before them, and whereby they might receive excellent direction for the better performing of the particulars before noted.
- 1246. Husbands must deal tenderly with their wives.
Againe, no friend, no parent, no other party will or can ſo1247 willingly and cheerefully doe any kindneſſe for one, as a man for himſelfe. This among other is one eſpeciall point which the law aimeth at, when it enioynes a man to loue his neighbour1248 as himſelfe, namely, as willingly and readily as himſelfe. Whatſoeuer a man doth for himſelfe he doth much more cheerefully then for another. There needeth no other proofe then experience. Let men take notice of their owne minde and diſpoſition when they doe things for themſelues, and this will be as cleere as the light when the Sunne ſhineth forth at noone day.
Again, no friend, no parent, no other party will or can so1247 willingly and cheerfully do any kindness for one, as a man for himself. This among other is one especial point which the law aimeth at, when it enjoins a man to love his neighbour1248 as himself, namely, as willingly and readily as himself. Whatsoever a man doth for himself he doth much more cheerfully then for another. There needeth no other proof then experience. Let men take notice of their own mind and disposition when they do things for themselves, and this will be as clear as the light when the Sun shineth forth at noon day.
Such an affection ought husbands to haue to their wiues:1249 they ought more willingly and cheerefully to doe any thing for their wiues then for parents, children, friends or any other. Though this cheerefulneſſe be an inward diſpoſition of the heart, yet may it be manifeſted by a mans forwardneſſe and readineſſe to doe his wife good: when his wife ſhall no ſooner deſire a kindneſſe, then he will be ready to grant it: as Booz ſaith to Ruth, I will doe to thee all that thou requireſt; yea,1250 by any meanes he may know that this or that will be behoofull to her, though ſhe deſire it not, yet to effect it for her: which was the minde of the ſaid Booz to Ruth, as the hiſtory in many particulars ſheweth.
Such an affection ought husbands to have to their wives:1249 they ought more willingly and cheerfully to do any thing for their wives then for parents, children, friends or any other. Though this cheerfulness be an inward disposition of the heart, yet may it be manifested by a man’s forwardness and readiness to do his wife good: when his wife shall no sooner desire a kindness, then he will be ready to grant it: as Boaz saith to Ruth, I will do to thee all that thou requirest;1250 yea, by any means he may know that this or that will be behoveful to her, though she desire it not, yet to effect it for her: which was the mind of the said Boaz to Ruth, as the history in many particulars showeth.
p. 422 Contrary is the diſpoſition of thoſe husbands who ſo grudgingly, repiningly, and diſcontentedly doe thoſe things which they doe in their wiues behalfe, as their wiues had rather they were not done at all. The manner of doing them cauſeth more griefe to tender hearted wiues, then the things themſelues can doe good.
Contrary is the disposition of those husbands who so grudgingly, repiningly, and discontentedly do those things which they do in their wives behalf, as their wives had rather they were not done at all. The manner of doing them causeth more grief to tender hearted wives, then the things themselves can do good.
Hitherto of the manner which husbands ought to obſerue in performing their duties. The reaſons to inforce the ſame remaine to be handled.
Hitherto of the manner which husbands ought to observe in performing their duties. The reasons to enforce the same remain to be handled.
§. 75. Of Chriſts example, a motiue to prouoke husbands to loue their wiues.
§. 75. Of Christ’s example, a motive to provoke husbands to love their wives.
But who greater then Chriſt? What more worthy patterne? If (as was1253 ſhewed) the example of the Church be of great force to moue wiues to be ſubiect to their husbands, the example of Chriſt muſt needs be of much greater force to moue husbands to loue their wiues. A great honour it is to be like vnto Chriſt: and his example is a perfect patterne.
- 1253. Treat. 3. §. 74.
But who greater then Christ? What more worthy pattern? If (as was* showed) the example of the Church be of great force to move wives to be subject to their husbands, the example of Christ must needs be of much greater force to move husbands to love their wives. A great honour it is to be like unto Christ: and his example is a perfect pattern.
- 1253. Treat. 3. §. 74.
1. That great inequality which is betwixt him and his ſpouſe.
1. That great inequality which is betwixt him and his spouse.
2. That ſmall benefit which he reapeth by louing her.
2. That small benefit which he reapeth by loving her.
Chriſts greatneſſe is in Scripture ſet forth by comparing him with creatures, and the Creator. Compared with creatures he is farre more excellent then the moſt excellent, as the Apoſtle by many arguments proueth in the firſt chapter to Hebr. that whole chapter is ſpent in proofe of this point: And in p. 423 another place it is ſaid that1256 He is ſet farre aboue all principality and power, and might, and dominion, and euery name that is named not only in this world, but alſo in that which is to come.
- 1256. Eph. 1. 21. [moved in the edition]
Christ’s greatness is in Scripture set forth by comparing him with creatures, and the Creator. Compared with creatures he is far more excellent then the most excellent, as the Apostle by many arguments proveth in the first chapter to Hebr. that whole chapter is spent in proof of this point: And in another place it is said that He is set far above all principality and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named not only in this world, but also in that which is to come.1256
- 1256. Eph‸ 1:‸21. [moved here by the editor]
Compared with the Creator he is no whit inferiour to him, but1257 equall:1258 Being the brightneſſe of glory, and the expreſſe image of his perſon: and that1259 word of whom it is ſaid, In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God: All things were made by him &c. So as he is the very Creator himſelfe, eternall, infinite, incomprehenſible. Thus is Chriſts greatneſſe inexplicable.
Compared with the Creator he is no whit inferior to him, but equal:1257 Being the brightness of glory, and the express image of his person:1258 and that word1259 of whom it is said, In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God: All things were made by him etc‸. So as he is the very Creator himself, eternal, infinite, incomprehensible. Thus is Christ’s greatness inexplicable.
The meaneſſe of the Church is as low on the other ſide: ſhe is a creature, faſhioned out of the earth, proceeding from the loines of corrupt Adam, not only finite, but in it ſelfe vile and baſe: The Prophet1260 Ezechiel doth ſet her forth in her liuely colours as ſhe is in her ſelfe. Compared therefore vnto Chriſt ſhe is1261 nothing, leſſe then nothing. What equality, what proportion can there then be betwixt Chriſt and her?
The meanness of the Church is as low on the other side: she is a creature, fashioned out of the earth, proceeding from the loins of corrupt Adam, not only finite, but in it self vile and base: The Prophet Ezekiel1260 doth set her forth in her lively colours as she is in her self. Compared therefore unto Christ she is nothing, less then nothing.1261 What equality, what proportion can there then be betwixt Christ and her?
But if man and woman be compared together, we ſhall finde a neere equality: and that both in the points of their humiliation, and alſo of their exaltation. In regard of the former, they are both of the ſame mould, of the ſame corrupt nature, ſubiect to the ſame infirmities, at length brought to the ſame end. In regard of the latter the beſt and greateſt priuiledges are common to both of them: they are both made after the ſame image, redeemed by the ſame price, partakers of the ſame grace, and heires together of the ſame inheritance.
But if man and woman be compared together, we shall find a near equality: and that both in the points of their humiliation, and also of their exaltation. In regard of the former, they are both of the same mould, of the same corrupt nature, subject to the same infirmities, at length brought to the same end. In regard of the latter the best and greatest privileges are common to both of them: they are both made after the same image, redeemed by the same price, partakers of the same grace, and heirs together of the same inheritance.
Queſt. What is then the preferment of the male kinde? What is the excellency of an husband?
Quest. What is then the preferment of the male kind? What is the excellency of an husband?
Anſw. Only outward and momentany. Outward, in the things of this world only: for1262 in Chriſt Ieſus they are both one. Momentany, for the time of this life only: for1263 in the reſurrection they neither marie, nor are giuen in mariage, but are as the Angels of God in heauen: then all ſubiection of wiues to husbands ceaſeth.
Answ. Only outward and momentany. Outward, in the things of this world only: for in Christ Jesus they are both one. Momentany,1262 for the time of this life only: for in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the Angels of God in heaven:1263 then all subjection of wives to husbands ceaseth.
To conclude this point, the inequality betwixt Chriſt and the Church, and equality betwixt man and wife being ſuch as hath beene declared; ſeeing Chriſt vouchſafeth to loue his Church, ought not man thereby be moued to loue his wife?
To conclude this point, the inequality betwixt Christ and the Church, and equality betwixt man and wife being such as hath been declared; seeing Christ vouchsafeth to love his Church, ought not man thereby be moved to love his wife?
The benefit which Chriſt reapeth from the Church is in one word nothing. For Chriſt is in himſelfe Al-ſufficient: he neither needeth any thing, nor can receiue any thing:1265 If thou be eſt righteous, what giueſt thou to him? Or what receiueth he of thine hand? Yet abundantly he beſtoweth all manner of gifts, temporall, and ſpirituall, earthly and heauenly. It was not therefore his owne good that he reſpected in louing the Church, but her good: for he being1266 God became man; being Lord of heauen and earth, he tooke vpon him1267 the forme of a ſeruant; being1268 rich he became poore: hauing the1269 Keyes of hell and of death, and being1270 the Lord of life, he1271 humbled himſelfe, and became obedient vnto the death: thus to ſhew loue to his Church he left much for her ſake, but receiued nothing of her.
The benefit which Christ reapeth from the Church is in one word nothing. For Christ is in himself All-sufficient: he neither needeth any thing, nor can receive any thing: If thou be ‸ righteous, what givest thou to him? Or what receiveth he of thine hand?1265 Yet abundantly he bestoweth all manner of gifts, temporal, and spiritual, earthly and heavenly. It was not therefore his own good that he respected in loving the Church, but her good: for he being God1266 became man; being Lord of heaven and earth, he took upon him the form of a servant;1267 being rich1268 he became poor: having the Keys of hell and of death,1269 and being1270 the Lord of life, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto the death:1271 thus to show love to his Church he left much for her sake, but received nothing of her.
But the benefit which man reapeth from a wife is very great: for1272 It was not good for a man to be alone: in ſo much as1273 He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and that in all the points of goodneſſe, a profitable thing, a comfortable thing, a delightfull thing. They know not the benefit of the maried eſtate, who1274 prefer ſingle life before it, eſpecially if the maried eſtate be ordered by Gods word, and man and wife carefull to performe their owne duty each to other.
But the benefit which man reapeth from a wife is very great: for It was not good for a man to be alone:1272 in so much as He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing;1273 and that in all the points of goodness, a profitable thing, a comfortable thing, a delightful thing. They know not the benefit of the married estate, who1274 prefer single life before it, especially if the married estate be ordered by God’s word, and man and wife careful to perform their own duty each to other.
To apply this point alſo, and to bring it to the concluſion:1275 If Chriſt who can receiue nothing from the Church notwithſtanding loue her, ought not men much more to loue their wiues, who many waies receiue much good from them, and without whom they cannot well be?
- 1275. Chriſts example remoueth all pretences which men make for not louing their wiues.
To apply this point also, and to bring it to the conclusion:1275 If Christ who can receive nothing from the Church notwithstanding love her, ought not men much more to love their wives, who many ways receive much good from them, and without whom they cannot well be?
- 1275. Christ’s example removeth all pretences which men make for not loving their wives.
This example of Chriſt is the rather to be noted, becauſe it cleane wipeth away all thoſe falſe colours, and vaine pretences which many alledge as reaſons, to ſhew that there is little reaſon they ſhould loue their wiues: ſome of their pretences are theſe.
This example of Christ is the rather to be noted, because it clean wipeth away all those false colours, and vain pretences which many allege as reasons, to show that there is little reason they should love their wives: some of their pretences are these.
Anſw. I might reply, That mariage aduanceth a wife to the degree of her husband: and that it was his owne follie to marrie one ſo meane: but for the purpoſe and point in hand, let any tell me, whether the ſuppoſed diſparitie betwixt them & their wiues, be in any degree comparable to that which is betwixt Chriſt and the Church: yet Chriſt thinketh not much to doe duties of loue to his Church.
Answ. I might reply, That marriage advanceth a wife to the degree of her husband: and that it was his own folly to marry one so mean: but for the purpose and point in hand, let any tell me, whether the supposed disparity betwixt them & their wives, be in any degree comparable to that which is betwixt Christ and the Church: yet Christ thinketh not much to do duties of love to his Church.
Anſw. This very thing, that ſuch an one is thy wife, is matter enough to make her worthy of loue. But what was there in the Church to make her worthy of Chriſts loue? If it be ſaid that ſhe is endued with many excellent graces, which make her amiable in Chriſts ſight: I anſwer, that of her ſelfe ſhe hath none of thoſe graces, Chriſt hath beſtowed them vpon her, and ſo made her amiable: and thus oughteſt thou to endeuour by vſing all good meanes thou canſt to make thy wife anſwerable to thy loue: but howſoeuer, to loue her.
Answ. This very thing, that such an one is thy wife, is matter enough to make her worthy of love. But what was there in the Church to make her worthy of Christ’s love? If it be said that she is endued with many excellent graces, which make her amiable in Christ’s sight: I answer, that of her self she hath none of those graces, Christ hath bestowed them upon her, and so made her amiable: and thus oughtest thou to endeavour by using all good means thou canst to make thy wife answerable to thy love: but howsoever, to love her.
Anſw. No occaſion may ſeeme iuſt to moue an husband to hate his wife: nor any vice ſeeme to him intolerable: with goodnes he ought to ouercome euill. If notorious ſins ſeemed intolerable to Chriſt, or that he thought any occaſion iuſt to cauſe hatred, many that are of his Church would oft draw his hatred vpon them: but Chriſt hateth neuer a member of his Church.
Answ. No occasion may seem just to move an husband to hate his wife: nor any vice seem to him intolerable: with goodness he ought to overcome evil. If notorious sins seemed intolerable to Christ, or that he thought any occasion just to cause hatred, many that are of his Church would oft draw his hatred upon them: but Christ hateth never a member of his Church.
Anſ. There is little charitie in ſuch as can conceiue no hope: for loue hopeth all things: but yet the caſe ſo ſtandeth with Chriſt. The1280 Church is ſo vtterly vnable to help or benefit him, as he may iuſtly say, he cannot hope to receiue any thing frō her. Chriſt loueth the church for her own good, not for his; ſo ought husbands. Thus if Chriſts example be well weighed, & obſerued of husbands, it will afford matter enough to remoue euery doubt or ſcruple raiſed to alienate their affections from their wiues. Fitly therefore hath the p. 426 Apoſtle ſet it before husbands, both to direct them how to loue their wiues, and alſo to moue them ſo to doe.
- 1280. 1. Cor. 13. 7. [moved in the edition]
Answ. There is little charity in such as can conceive no hope: for love hopeth all things:1280 but yet the case so standeth with Christ. The Church is so utterly unable to help or benefit him, as he may justly say, he cannot hope to receive any thing from her. Christ loveth the church for her own good, not for his; so ought husbands. Thus if Christ’s example be well weighed, & observed of husbands, it will afford matter enough to remove every doubt or scruple raised to alienate their affections from their wives. Fitly therefore hath the Apostle set it before husbands, both to direct them how to love their wives, and also to move them so to do.
- 1280. 1‸ Cor‸ 13:‸7. [moved here by the editor]
§. 76. Of a mans loue to himſelfe, a motiue to prouoke him to loue his wife.
§. 76. Of a man’s love to himself, a motive to provoke him to love his wife.
To the ſame purpoſe that Chriſts example tendeth, tendeth alſo the patterne of a mans ſelfe. Great is the affection that a man beareth to himſelfe, to his owne fleſh, his owne bodie: he neuer hateth, but euer loueth himſelfe: no ſore, no diſeaſe, no paine, no ſtinch that the fleſh bringeth to a man, can make him hate it: but rather all manner of infirmities doe make him the more to pitty, tender, and cheriſh it. This is a worke of nature: the moſt heatheniſh, and barbarous, that euer were, doe it. Now a wife being to a man as his bodie and his fleſh (for they two are one fleſh) and God hauing commanded men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies, theſe concluſions will neceſſarily follow from this motiue:
To the same purpose that Christ’s example tendeth, tendeth also the pattern of a man’s self. Great is the affection that a man beareth to himself, to his own flesh, his own body: he never hateth, but ever loveth himself: no sore, no disease, no pain, no stench that the flesh bringeth to a man, can make him hate it: but rather all manner of infirmities do make him the more to pity, tender, and cherish it. This is a work of nature: the most heathenish, and barbarous, that ever were, do it. Now a wife being to a man as his body and his flesh (for they two are one flesh) and God having commanded men to love their wives as their own bodies, these conclusions will necessarily follow from this motive:
1. He that loueth not his wife is more caried with the inſtinct of nature, then with the expreſſe charge of the God of nature. Natures inſtinct moueth him to loue his bodie. But Gods expreſſe charge moueth him not, to loue his wife.
1. He that loveth not his wife is more carried with the instinct of nature, then with the express charge of the God of nature. Natures instinct moveth him to love his body. But God’s express charge moveth him not, to love his wife.
2. He that loueth not his wife is worſe then an infidell and a barbarian, yea then a very beaſt: for all theſe loue their owne bodies, and their owne fleſh: but a wife (by Gods ordinance) is as ones bodie, and his fleſh.
2. He that loveth not his wife is worse then an infidel and a barbarian, yea then a very beast: for all these love their own bodies, and their own flesh: but a wife (by God’s ordinance) is as ones body, and his flesh.
4. He that loueth not his wife cannot but bring woe and miſchiefe vpon himſelfe. For the damage and miſchiefe which followeth on a wife, through any neglect of dutie on her husband part, followeth alſo on him: as the miſchiefe which followeth on the bodie through any negligence of the head, lighteth alſo on the head.
4. He that loveth not his wife cannot but bring woe and mischief upon himself. For the damage and mischief which followeth on a wife, through any neglect of duty on her husbands part, followeth also on him: as the mischief which followeth on the body through any negligence of the head, lighteth also on the head.
If theſe be not motiues ſufficient to prouoke an husband to loue his wife, I know not what can be ſufficient.
If these be not motives sufficient to provoke an husband to love his wife, I know not what can be sufficient.